NationStates Jolt Archive

Have you tried it? Would you? Do you approve of it? Is it a terrible thing? A great thing?

If you are opposed to it, why?

If you are for it, why?

Or even if you don't like it, and don't care what others do - comment on it.

I know it's increasing in the US, and in the UK as well.

No-strings, guilt-free sex with strangers may not be everyone's cup of tea, but more and more of us are getting a taste for it. Emma Gold lifts the lid on the public clubs and private parties where anything - and everything - goes
Published: 22 July 2006

No-strings, guilt-free sex with strangers - it's not the kind of Saturday-night entertainment you often hear discussed in the office on Monday morning. So it may come as a surprise that as many as 1.5m British couples have admitted to trying it.

My wife and I swing, and we find it to be a great thing. Very refreshing to be able to enjoy yourself and hang out with people who have no jealousy issues.

what happened to the sanctitity of marriage vows?

I don't think it's a good thing for my life, but if other's want to do it, it's not really any of my business.

I legitimately do not give a fuck one way or the other what other people do.

It’s nothing I could ever participate in, though not because of any moral restraints mind you, but because I can’t stand the thought of fucking 99.9% of people.

I'm not adverse to it, but it's not my thing. I also think it's not particularly good for a relationship, but you're all adults, do what you want.

what happened to the sanctitity of marriage vows?

There seems to be more to the idea of marriage than just sex.

To us, sex is a minor part of a long term relationship (if it's just sex for fun).

Some people either require or expect a deep emotional context with sex - and some don't.

I would be more concerned about a long term romantic non-sexual relationship being had by my wife with another person than I would her having sex with someone else.

what happened to the sanctitity of marriage vows?
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/carlene.lyttle/robertbain/18%20Mar%2004%20The%20sanctity%20of%20marriage%20small.jpg

They never existed and/or are/were a joke.

I don't think it's a good thing for my life, but if other's want to do it, it's not really any of my business.

I am curious as to how a married couple can be involved in an activity that goes directly against the whole concept of marriage.

I am curious as to how a married couple can be involved in an activity that goes directly against the whole concept of marriage.
lots of married couples go against what I believe is the "whole concept of marriage" I am not going to go poking around in their lives to try to "fix it"

(well, I used to when I was a premarital/marriage counselor, but not anymore since it's not my job)

I am curious as to how a married couple can be involved in an activity that goes directly against the whole concept of marriage.

So you're saying that marriage is only about sex?

And that sex is only about long term committed romantic relationships that are inextricably tied to sex?

Really?

What happens when you get old, gray, and bloated with farts, and live in a nursing home with your genitals withered away to nothing and your sex drive gone. Is your marriage over?

Or is that all you have?

I have a lot more than sex to fall back on.

Been there, done that... and "guilt free" rarely is in reality. Everything you do has some sort of consequences.

One of the many problems with anonymous sex (others of which include the increased possibility of disease no matter how careful you are and the possibility that the stranger might be a raving psycho...) is that there is often little joy involved. It can be something to do on a Saturday evening, but really, if all you are getting is an orgasm, you might just as well stay home and 'entertain' yourself.

An open relationship can be great, and I don't do jealousy, so if a partner of mine says "I am very attracted to him/her and I want to... whatever... with him/her" my response is "Have a good time, play safe, and tell me all about it when you get home." But for my part, I have had sex with strangers, and have to say that having sex with friends is about 1000 times better.

My wife and I swing, and we find it to be a great thing. Very refreshing to be able to enjoy yourself and hang out with people who have no jealousy issues.

Not for me or my partner.
But whatever floats your boat.

More power to you. :D

what happened to the sanctitity of marriage vows?

What about them? I don't see this as a violation of those vows.

Have you tried it? Would you? Do you approve of it? Is it a terrible thing? A great thing?

If you are opposed to it, why?

If you are for it, why?

Or even if you don't like it, and don't care what others do - comment on it.

I know it's increasing in the US, and in the UK as well.



My wife and I swing, and we find it to be a great thing. Very refreshing to be able to enjoy yourself and hang out with people who have no jealousy issues.
I neither "approve" nor "disapprove" of swinging. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it in principle, nor do I have any inherent problem with individuals who choose to be swingers. At the same time, I don't feel that my current relationship would be compatible with swinging, and I don't feel any particular desire to be a swinger myself right now. Maybe that will change in the future.

*shrug* My religion don't like it. Period.

So you're saying that marriage is only about sex?

And that sex is only about long term committed romantic relationships that are inextricably tied to sex?

Really?

What happens when you get old, gray, and bloated with farts, and live in a nursing home with your genitals withered away to nothing and your sex drive gone. Is your marriage over?

Or is that all you have?

I have a lot more than sex to fall back on.

I am not arguing that marriage is only about sex. The marriage service I am familiar with is a promise by two peoplebefore god and their freinds and relations to love each and remain faithful to each until parted by death. I want to know how swinging can be reconciled with this

I am curious as to how a married couple can be involved in an activity that goes directly against the whole concept of marriage.

How does it go against the whole concept of marriage?

I don't know if it's something I would do, but I don't care if other people do it. As long as all particiapants are happy with it, that's what matters.

Not for me thanks. Im monogamous by nature and picky by choice. Y'all do as you wish but this isnt anything I'm interested in.

*shrug* My religion don't like it. Period.

That's nice, what do YOU think?

I am not arguing that marriage is only about sex. The marriage service I am familiar with is a promise by two peoplebefore god and their freinds and relations to love each and remain faithful to each until parted by death. I want to know how swinging can be reconciled with this
Marriage is a contract between two people who love each other. They should get to decide what they want written in that contract.

i think its kinda weird. but if you want to go ahead.
i work at a hotel and had a nast old man hit on me over the phone. he and his wife were swinngers and they were going to come with a another couple. yah he basicaly asked if i wanted to join them. after asking what my favorit drink was and if i was married and such. i droped very obvios hints that i was a minor..yah he did not get it.
*vomits*

Marriage is a contract between two people who love each other. They should get to decide what they want written in that contract.

And love is far, far more than sex.

In fact, eventually, there will be love without sex, because our genitals will stop working when we get really old.

It's immoral.

I am not arguing that marriage is only about sex. The marriage service I am familiar with is a promise by two peoplebefore god and their freinds and relations to love each and remain faithful to each until parted by death. I want to know how swinging can be reconciled with this
Well, for one thing, marriage ceremonies (at least in my country) don't require that God be involved in any way, nor do they require that anybody swear before their friends and relations, nor are the parties required to swear that they love each other, nor are the parties required to swear to be faithful, nor are the parties required to swear "unto death."

So, in other words, marriage doesn't mean what you think it means. :)

i think its kinda weird. but if you want to go ahead.
i work at a hotel and had a nast old man hit on me over the phone. he and his wife were swinngers and they were going to come with a another couple. yah he basicaly asked if i wanted to join them. after asking what my favorit drink was and if i was married and such. i droped very obvios hints that i was a minor..yah he did not get it.
*vomits*

You should have said that you'd come as soon as you got *insert nasty disease here* treated

What conditions need to be met in order to call sexual behavior "swinging"? I've always thought it was sexual activities that included people outside of a monogamous relationship, but I'm not sure.

What conditions need to be met in order to call sexual behavior "swinging"? I've always thought it was sexual activities that included people outside of a monogamous relationship, but I'm not sure.
Swinging is a more narrow set of behaviors than simply "all sex outside of one's monogamous relationship." Swinging specifies that your partner is aware of your activities, and you of theirs, which distinguishes swinging from other kinds of affairs.

Swinging also is mutual; it's not just about a guy getting to have a bunch of mistresses while his wife is expected to be faithful to him. You swing WITH your monogamous partner...both of you do it, and you usually do it together.

Swinging is a more narrow set of behaviors than simply "all sex outside of one's monogamous relationship." Swinging specifies that your partner is aware of your activities, and you of theirs, which distinguishes swinging from other kinds of affairs.

Swinging also is mutual; it's not just about a guy getting to have a bunch of mistresses while his wife is expected to be faithful to him. You swing WITH your monogamous partner...both of you do it, and you usually do it together.

Always together, as far as my wife and I are concerned. It's not like we're running around independently boffing everyone we meet.

Swinging is a more narrow set of behaviors than simply "all sex outside of one's monogamous relationship." Swinging specifies that your partner is aware of your activities, and you of theirs, which distinguishes swinging from other kinds of affairs.

Swinging also is mutual; it's not just about a guy getting to have a bunch of mistresses while his wife is expected to be faithful to him. You swing WITH your monogamous partner...both of you do it, and you usually do it together.Yeah, I knew that last bit was part of it, just not if that was what it was limited to.

That's nice, what do YOU think?


That therefore, those who question that judgement must be godless and worhless.

Translation: in your face.

You should have said that you'd come as soon as you got *insert nasty disease here* treated
i was too absoltly horrified and disscusted to think of a whity responce:(

Always together, as far as my wife and I are concerned. It's not like we're running around independently boffing everyone we meet.
All the swingers I know of do their swinging together. I just don't know if that's actually a rule for swinging, or if it's simply what most swingers choose to do.

Yeah, I knew that last bit was part of it, just not if that was what it was limited to.
I believe it is, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

The reason I assume this is because I have only ever heard swingers say, "We swing." I've never heard swingers say, "I swing," or "my wife/husband swings." To me, the choice of using "we" implies that it is a joint activity.

All the swingers I know of do their swinging together. I just don't know if that's actually a rule for swinging, or if it's simply what most swingers choose to do.

We've met single women who swing. Most swing clubs in the US will not admit single men as members (no pun intended).

My wife and I find that the mutual trust thing is the central part of this - and the only way to achieve that is together.

I believe it is, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

The reason I assume this is because I have only ever heard swingers say, "We swing." I've never heard swingers say, "I swing," or "my wife/husband swings." To me, the choice of using "we" implies that it is a joint activity.


I'm guessing that if swinging were not a joint activity, swinginess would lead to more-or-less automatic divorce
Which - as a side-effect - would then again lead to ( *insert vicious circle *)
In conclusion: for couples, it is either a joint thing or a very temporary thing...

If the sex is safe, screw whoever you want how you want. I do.

That therefore, those who question that judgement must be godless and worhless.

Translation: in your face.

Worhless?

I don't own any worhs. Do you mean whore? Or worth? Kind of an ambiguous misspelling there. If the former you're correct, I have no whores. If the latter you're just another Xian dumbass.

My wife and I swing, and we find it to be a great thing. Very refreshing to be able to enjoy yourself and hang out with people who have no jealousy issues.

It sounds like a Democrat activity. Good for you. :P

It sounds like a Democrat activity. Good for you. :P
Funny, haven't met any Democrats yet.

We're Republican, and so is everyone we've ever met while swinging.

Mir's egal.

The idea does not appeal to me in the least. However, each to their own; as long as all parties know what's going on and consent to the activities involved, let people do whatever they like.

I'd be up for it if my girlfriend would be up for it. If not then I don't mind but I may try it someday

I'd imagine that the use of a rubber in such an activity is highly recommended.

I'd imagine that the use of a rubber in such an activity is highly recommended.

Condoms, yes.

Some (like us) also require that you bring us the original test results from a set of STD tests that are done at a local lab that we pay for.

No clean tests - it doesn't matter if you're wearing a condom.

Penetration is not the only way to get certain STDs.

my wife wouldnt consider it and I wouldnt share my wife with another man.

That being said, its possible we'd have another woman with us for fun.
I feel like it wouldnt take too much to make it happen.

Funny, haven't met any Democrats yet.

We're Republican, and so is everyone we've ever met while swinging.

I was joking. The stereotypical Republican would be horrified at what you're doing.

Condoms, yes.

Some (like us) also require that you bring us the original test results from a set of STD tests that are done at a local lab that we pay for.

No clean tests - it doesn't matter if you're wearing a condom.

Penetration is not the only way to get certain STDs.

Very businesslike.

Very businesslike.
If you're going to play, you have to be safe.

I don't think swinging would work for me in this or any relationship, however if others want to do it, they're welcome to.

my wife wouldnt consider it and I wouldnt share my wife with another man.

That being said, its possible we'd have another woman with us for fun.
I feel like it wouldnt take too much to make it happen.Personally, I find this type of this to be less easy to understand than swinging, but not in an I-don't-understand-it-therefore-it-is-unacceptable way, though.

its fun if you are a couple that is secure and want to try such a thing.

I don't really have any strong feelings on it. The only things I care about are honesty and respect for all the people involved, plus taking precautions.

Right now, I can't imagine participating in it myself, and feel no need to, though who knows how I could feel in the future.

its fun if you are a couple that is secure and want to try such a thing.
I assume that I am wrong in assuming that you assume that a couple who doesn't want to try such a thing is insecure?

I assume that I am wrong in assuming that you assume that a couple who doesn't want to try such a thing is insecure?
It's not for everyone, and it rarely has anything to do with "secure".

It has more to do with their view of monogamy.

I assume that I am wrong in assuming that you assume that a couple who doesn't want to try such a thing is insecure?
Hopefully. I think the point was that you'd have to be fairly secure in your relationship/yourself to enjoy it, which I'd presume to be true.

It's not for everyone, and it rarely has anything to do with "secure".

It has more to do with their view of monogamy.
yeah, I have never seen swinging turn out anything but bad, but to be fair, the people I knew who were swingers in every instance didn't seem like the type of people who could handle a relationship at all, much less an open relationship.

yeah, I have never seen swinging turn out anything but bad, but to be fair, the people I knew who were swingers in every instance didn't seem like the type of people who could handle a relationship at all, much less an open relationship.

We've never had a problem with swinging, and we swing all the time. So do a lot of our friends. None of us have any problems.

We've never had a problem with swinging, and we swing all the time. So do a lot of our friends. None of us have any problems.
probably a higher maturity than the people I knew who were swinging, I don't think they even had the forethought to lay down any ground rules or talk about who was comfortable with what.........

I seriously couldn't do it, I belong to my husband and he belongs to me, and that's enough for us.

probably a higher maturity than the people I knew who were swinging, I don't think they even had the forethought to lay down any ground rules or talk about who was comfortable with what.........

I seriously couldn't do it, I belong to my husband and he belongs to me, and that's enough for us.

It does take ground rules. It does take forethought, and open, honest talk. Some people can't do it because they feel a need to belong sexually to just one person (which is fine).

I haven't met any swingers below the age of 35 who seem to be able to make it work, so perhaps maturity has something to do with the ability to make it work if both are agreeable to the concept in the first place.

I assume that I am wrong in assuming that you assume that a couple who doesn't want to try such a thing is insecure?

you assume correctly

let me state it more clearly:

it's fun if you are secure as a couple AND want to try such a thing.

in other words... if you want to try it but are not secure about it, then its not a good idea as it could be potentially harmful to the relationship

Meh, I wouldn't do it but sound fun for you.

It does take ground rules. It does take forethought, and open, honest talk. Some people can't do it because they feel a need to belong sexually to just one person (which is fine).

I haven't met any swingers below the age of 35 who seem to be able to make it work, so perhaps maturity has something to do with the ability to make it work if both are agreeable to the concept in the first place.

naw we were doing it in our mid to late 20's as well. well I'm not saying we werent mature at that time but I dont think age has anythign to do with it.

I think it mostly has to do with honesty.