NationStates Jolt Archive

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?

My own little woman is 3 years my junior, so I'm also curious. She said I'm more mature, but I can't imagine anybody less mature than me (I've actually promised to ruin every romantic moment we'll ever have, intentionally or not...and have a spotless record)

My own little woman is 3 years my junior, so I'm also curious. She said I'm more mature, but I can't imagine anybody less mature than me (I've actually promised to ruin every romantic moment we'll ever have, intentionally or not...and have a spotless record)

lol!!


I've yet to personally figure out why women tend to date older men. In highschool, one of my old gal-pals told me it was to piss us (me in particular) off.

My own little woman is 3 years my junior, so I'm also curious. She said I'm more mature, but I can't imagine anybody less mature than me (I've actually promised to ruin every romantic moment we'll ever have, intentionally or not...and have a spotless record)

I know exactly what you mean lol. and I've too screwed up a few romantic moments. Here's some advice, never have a romantic night and beanie and weenie on the same night.

Mainly because we're better in bed ;).

Mainly because we're better in bed ;).

Well I'm a virgin, and so is she, so... lol

Mainly because we're better in bed ;).


Hmm...so thats why all those freshmen chicks keep hitting on me.....Gotta love being an upper classmen :D

dude girls physically mature before guys so it's only natural that girls would want a guy just as mature as they are.

dude girls physically mature before guys so it's only natural that girls would want a guy just as mature as they are.

That's not universally true. It's just that way for the majority.

I, for example, started to "mature" when I was nine years old. Odd, because I'm 18, and I'm still not done. :p

That's not universally true. It's just that way for the majority.

I, for example, started to "mature" when I was nine years old. Odd, because I'm 18, and I'm still not done. :p


lol

lol

Seriously. It's these fucking slow growth genes. My dad was the same way...

Hmm...so thats why all those freshmen chicks keep hitting on me.....Gotta love being an upper classmen :D
No....
Freshmen hit on upper classmen because we can buy beer/liquor

No....
Freshmen hit on upper classmen because we can buy beer/liquor

Either that or they want to sleep with him. Hey either way.

Either that or they want to sleep with him. Hey either way.
Usually the two go together, IME

Usually the two go together, IME

Yea, but I dunno, it's wrong to sleep with a drunk chick.

I agree with the original post. I think maturity, intelligence, respect, and knowing who they are and what they want has a lot to do with it. I'm not saying all older guys are like that; it just seems to be more common as people get older. People like that would sound better for more long-term, committed-type relationships. Maybe girls get hurt too often by the little boys and start looking for men. I can definitely understand her liking older guys more often if she's only 19. The typical 19 year old male is... mreh (IMHO). Not that the typical 19 year old female isn't "mreh" as well, but... you know what I mean.

Physical appearance too. Facial hair and all that good stuff. They look more like men and less like boys (though some do like the boyish look more). </ramble>

Well I am 4 years junior to my girlie. She's 24. I kinda like the fact that I am in breach of the norm. That and it is an ego trip :cool:

Hey I'm 34 and my girlfriend is 20 ...

But don't tell my wife.

>.>
<.<

*bamf*

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?

Hmm. I'm almost always attracted to older guys, and never yet to a guy significantly younger than me, but I have to say that emotional maturity doesn't seem to have a great deal to do with it, since many of those older men have been pretty darn immature for their age. It's also definitely not a question of "better in bed," since then my attraction would be based on experience rather than relative age, and it's definitely not. In fact, the more I think about it, the more convinced I become that there's not any coherent reason for my preference for guys older than myself - I just prefer them, and that seems to be that. :)

Women are naturaly attracted to older guys, older signifies more maturity, more responsible, more providing. Wether it's true or not is irrelevant to what eons of survival instinct has imbeded into us.

For example my friend is 21 and his girlfriend is fifteen. I'd say that's a better example of young and old versus your nineteen and 22. I mean really..

Women are naturaly attracted to older guys, older signifies more maturity, more responsible, more providing. Wether it's true or not is irrelevant to what eons of survival instinct has imbeded into us.

For example my friend is 21 and his girlfriend is fifteen. I'd say that's a better example of young and old versus your nineteen and 22. I mean really..

Eh I say at that point it could be consider pedophilia. But I won't get into that argument.

Hmm. I'm almost always attracted to older guys, and never yet to a guy significantly younger than me, but I have to say that emotional maturity doesn't seem to have a great deal to do with it, since many of those older men have been pretty darn immature for their age. It's also definitely not a question of "better in bed," since then my attraction would be based on experience rather than relative age, and it's definitely not. In fact, the more I think about it, the more convinced I become that there's not any coherent reason for my preference for guys older than myself - I just prefer them, and that seems to be that. :)
Y'know, this further supports my idea that our instincts have a bigger part in our decisions than we give them credit for. In the wild, males look for fertility (youth) and sleep with many women to better ensure the survival of the species (cheating). Women, who cannot fall pregnant to every male, instead opt for the best possible male she can get. Biggest, strongest, most powerful, and most able to care for her and her offspring (older men, but not old). This theory also explains why men cheat more than women (women will only cheat if they feel they have found a better mate, men will cheat just to spread their seed regardless of the quality of the mate). Of course there are exceptions, but this seems to be the norm.

I'm the older woman.

I'm the older woman.
Yay! I'm the younger man. :cool:

Women are naturaly attracted to older guys, older signifies more maturity, more responsible, more providing. Wether it's true or not is irrelevant to what eons of survival instinct has imbeded into us.

For example my friend is 21 and his girlfriend is fifteen. I'd say that's a better example of young and old versus your nineteen and 22. I mean really..

When I was 16 I went out with a guy who was 25. I don't recommend it.

When the age discrepancy gets too big at too young an age -- the aforementioned 22-15 rings a bell -- it's less about biology and more about control. The 15er thinks she's very mature and grown-up for having bagged an older guy, and the 22er has a thing for the young 'uns. Slightly pervy, but hardly unusual.

But the 22er is nominally in complete control -- driving, buying booze, the lot. The 15er is privy to a world many of her peers won't see for a while. That's information asymmetry and it equals power; in her case, the power of perceived superiority via experience.

An age discrepancy that large that young only works, I'd wager, about .01% of the time, and usually, someone is taken advantage of, usually the younger person.

I'd imagine that some of it is familiarity, too. Peers of a similar age are all socialized to know and understand one another. If there's nothing in that age group for them, they'll move on. Older men choose younger women, especially 20s-to-teens, because it helps them delay their entrance into real adulthood.

Also, either of the two may be socially maladroit, obese, or hatchet-faced. That's mean, but look around. Either may present to the other as "the only one who understands" them, and that's powerful juju when it comes to romance.

Regardless of the why, 7 years when the older is 22, while not expressly doomed to failure, usually ends badly. Please God, let them use protection and let that protection be sound.

I certainly wouldn't date a girl who was younger than me. The ones my age are already immature and shallow enough for the most part.

I'm sure that many girls feel the same way about most guys.

I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 16, so I'm interested to see the prevailing opinion

It's because the penis continues to grow with age. At Eut's age, it touches the floor 9 times outa 10.

It's because the penis continues to grow with age. At Eut's age, it touches the floor 9 times outa 10.

:eek: Disturbing.

I certainly wouldn't date a girl who was younger than me. The ones my age are already immature and shallow enough for the most part.

I'm sure that many girls feel the same way about most guys.
And therein lies the solution, folks.

People aren't defined by their ages. One's age certainly plays a role in one's experience, but not a dominant role.

In short, you should evaluate people you might want to date by -- drumroll please -- the actual person! Hey, how's about a little communication? Talk to one another. Or not -- generalize of you like and wind up with the stereotype of your choice.

After all, when it comes to romance, there's nobody can tell you which way to go -- if anyone does, does anyone ever really listen? We all must find our way through this forest on our own...mostly. It just seems to me that if you join hands with another, it's one hell of a lot easier to make it through the darkest parts of that metaphorical forest if you communicate.

:eek: Disturbing.
Which?

The length?

Or the notion that Eut has a penis at all?:D

Which?

The length?

Or the notion that Eut has a penis at all?:D

I decline to answer that question, except to say: It's a Trout! :eek: :p:D

You don't really notice it when you're a teenager yourself, but when I went back to teach in a High school it was really apparent how much different male and female students are at that age.
Female students are definitely more mature than their male counterparts, by a long way.
Not surprising, really, when you consider that ~12 is the average age for puberty in girls nowadays; 2-3 years younger than boys. So they have up to 3 years head start on them.
Hence the attraction of guys a few years older than them. In puberty years, a 22yr male and a 19yr female would be about equal.


Also a guy with a few more years is more likely to have more money/income so can afford to take the girl out and impress them with gifts etc, which gives them a headstart in the field.

I decline to answer that question, except to say: It's a Trout! :eek: :p:D
BWAAAHAHAAA! Touche! Or rather, keep that thing AWAY from me!
Non touche, s'il vous plait!

I don't know, I never go specifically for older guys.

Of course, I'm 33, so someone a couple years older won't really be seen as "older", unlike back in school where the age difference would have been a much bigger deal (as in, say, 15 and 18).

It's been said before on this forum and it bears repeating: I think as long as both partners are at about the same point in their lives, age doesn't really matter all that much, unless the difference becomes very big.

For example with, say, 27, I wouldn't have found it weird to date a 20 year-old fellow uni student, whereas dating a 20 year-old highschool student (yes, we're actually in school until the age of 19 or 20) would have seemed out of the question.

I think I've dated about 3 guys who were significantly older than I was, all when I was in my twenties (significantly meaning 5+ years) and in the case of the fellow uni student everything was fine, whereas with the two other guys who already had a job and were much more settled, it was pretty weird and more an affair than a relationship.

Attraction-wise, btw, I usually fall for younger guys.
It's just when reason kicks back in that, if the age difference is too big, I'll realize that things wouldn't really work.

But otherwise, all those Demi Moore-ish relationships certainly appeal to me. :p

BWAAAHAHAAA! Touche! Or rather, keep that thing AWAY from me!
Non touche, s'il vous plait!

Lol ;)

Non touche? Poor man :p

:cool: :eek: ;) J/k

Lol ;)

Non touche? Poor man :p

:cool: :eek: ;) J/k

Mais, Je me touche toute l'heure -- je ne veux pas penser à le toucher!
Vous et tres jolie et drole!

EDIT: In case it isn't plain, my French sucks.

Mais, Je me touche toute l'heure -- je ne veux pas penser à le toucher!
Vous et tres jolie et drole!

EDIT: In case it isn't plain, my French sucks.

Well actually no, I had to use Babel fish for this one lol.

If it translated accurately, I am disturbed :p

How about this as a sample of my French... Embrasse moi :fluffle: lol

I've been both the younger and older guy in my relationships. It's a lot easier to be the younger person; less worries about being "the responsible one".

I've been both the younger and older guy in my relationships. It's a lot easier to be the younger person; less worries about being "the responsible one".
Why, hello! ;) :p

Why, hello! ;) :pMorning, sunshine! :D

Morning, sunshine! :D
:D

Older men tend to have higher socioeconomic status, and therefore tend to be more attractive to women. Just as women of a certain young age tend to have greater childbearing potential, and therefore tend to be more attractive to men. Generalizations, of course, but true.

It is entirely a myth that women mature faster than men. Keep in mind that while teenage guys have all sorts of embarrassing behaviors, it is generally the girls who are putting paint on their faces and wearing uncomfortable shoes.

It is entirely a myth that women mature faster than men. Keep in mind that while teenage guys have all sorts of embarrassing behaviors, it is generally the girls who are putting paint on their faces and wearing uncomfortable shoes.Maturity and resistance to peer pressure aren't proportional...

My own little woman is 3 years my junior, so I'm also curious. She said I'm more mature, but I can't imagine anybody less mature than me (I've actually promised to ruin every romantic moment we'll ever have, intentionally or not...and have a spotless record)
hahaha :p without the promise, i'm also doing a pretty good job of that :D

my missus (and many will know) is 5 years younger than me. i've often said we work because she's mature for her age, and i'm immature, so we meet somewhere in the middle :P
i'd be interested to hear her take on all of this. of course i think the first thing to point out (in her name) is that not all women prefer older guys, and saying so would be a heanous gender-stereotyping. but other than that i'd like to know what she sees in me :p

Y'know, this further supports my idea that our instincts have a bigger part in our decisions than we give them credit for. In the wild, males look for fertility (youth) and sleep with many women to better ensure the survival of the species (cheating). Women, who cannot fall pregnant to every male, instead opt for the best possible male she can get. Biggest, strongest, most powerful, and most able to care for her and her offspring (older men, but not old). This theory also explains why men cheat more than women (women will only cheat if they feel they have found a better mate, men will cheat just to spread their seed regardless of the quality of the mate). Of course there are exceptions, but this seems to be the norm.

*snort* sounds like your instincts are the same as "the church" 's ideals on why sin is tempting. But still quite on target.

Generalizations:
It's a lot easier to tell why in Southern Louisiana. There isn't many "career girls" down here. If you come from a rather secure home (or are paranoid about giving up your life to some stranger~me), you wait, as a girl, until you are in your mid-20s to marry. You go to college, you make some trips out of your area.... Very rare to see a 30 year old woman who's neither gotten married or shacked up for several years. Extremely insecure homes (like my uncle's~friggen incestuous pedo.) have girls marrying/ shacking up at about the age of 16 to much older men. Anything to be secure, and away from whichever parent is psycho.

Too many girls (including me) see babies and go oooo, he/she is so cute, and then preceed to think about how soon we want them. Most girls (not me) dreamed of their wedding and have planned it since approx the age of 10. As soon as you reach the age of wanting to make a childhood fantasy come true, you go looking for someone you can deal with for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, most guys aren't even thinking in this general direction until they are about 25, sometimes not even until they are in their late 30s.

If you are ready NOW (and we can't tell you because you'll think that we're out to get you (it's not exactly like that)~a lot of guys run when they find out what their girl's long term agenda is, too soon), and the guys your own age aren't showing any interest, you start looking for guys that are. this is where the "more mature" phrase comes in.

Now, the further you go out, when marriage and babies aren't the primary concern, it is still a psycological drive.


But what it all really boils down to is: are you compatible? Physical age has nothing to do with that, unless you are paranoid about age diffrences. (My grammy is 18.5 years older than my grumpy, but my dad is 3.5 years older than my mum)

<snip>

But what it all really boils down to is: are you compatible? Physical age has nothing to do with that, unless you are paranoid about age diffrences. (My grammy is 18.5 years older than my grumpy, but my dad is 3.5 years older than my mum)

Interesting first post! Is Southern Lousisiana a difficult place to grow up?


Older men tend to have higher socioeconomic status, and therefore tend to be more attractive to women. Just as women of a certain young age tend to have greater childbearing potential, and therefore tend to be more attractive to men. Generalizations, of course, but true.
Childbearing potential in the sense that they're more likely to get pregnant and keep the child, yes. Childbearing potential in the sense of making a good mother , no, if they're 15 or so.
But we are talking instinct, aren't we? Not rational perceptions.

It is entirely a myth that women mature faster than men. Keep in mind that while teenage guys have all sorts of embarrassing behaviors, it is generally the girls who are putting paint on their faces and wearing uncomfortable shoes.
Physical maturity occurs earlier in women. But I like your point.
I'd say that girls develop social skills quicker than boys, but that doesn't make them any more competent in their teens to make life decisions.

EDIT: Damn, just responded to two posters who are offline. Anyone?

To be honest, I did have to giggle when I read the OP and a couple of posts in this thread.

"Older guys" means an age difference on 3-5 years to you guys? *lol So if you're girlfriend was 3 years older than you, would you be dating a "mature woman"?

An age difference between partners is normal, you won't often find two that are of exactly the same age. I think you can start to talk about a difference in age when the difference is 10 years and above, everything below is just normal.

To be honest, I did have to giggle when I read the OP and a couple of posts in this thread.

"Older guys" means an age difference on 3-5 years to you guys? *lol So if you're girlfriend was 3 years older than you, would you be dating a "mature woman"?

An age difference between partners is normal, you won't often find two that are of exactly the same age. I think you can start to talk about a difference in age when the difference is 10 years and above, everything below is just normal.

I'm sure it was pointed out above that 3-5 years is significant for a mid-teen. 15/18 is as significant gap. 21/24 is not. And 40/43 isn't a gap at all.

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?
A fair few young fellows go out with older women too, so it's not as if it doesn't work both ways.

. but other than that i'd like to know what she sees in me :p

We've been wondering that for months!

I keeed, I keeed...

For example my friend is 21 and his girlfriend is fifteen. I'd say that's a better example of young and old versus your nineteen and 22. I mean really..
That's not young and old. That's borderline paedophilia.

When I was 16 I went out with a guy who was 25. I don't recommend it.
See above!

This theory also explains why men cheat more than women
They don't.

See above!

Hence my expression of regret and non- recommendation :rolleyes:

Hence my expression of regret and non- recommendation :rolleyes:
Hmm. That is quite an age gap. A few of my gfs friends (15 and 16) go out with 21yr olds. I don't get it :( :confused:

For example my friend is 21 and his girlfriend is fifteen. I'd say that's a better example of young and old versus your nineteen and 22. I mean really..That's not young and old. That's borderline paedophilia.
...

I'd hoped this would just pass. But since Meath brought it up, and it will surface again...
H4ck5: you dobbed in a friend to make a point, and then failed to make any point, other than how cool you are for knowing interesting people.
Talk to your 'friend' about that. If you come away thinking it's OK, make the case here. If you come away thinking it's not, call the cops. Really, what possessed you to say that I can't imagine.

Hmm. That is quite an age gap. A few of my gfs friends (15 and 16) go out with 21yr olds. I don't get it :( :confused:

The guys probably seem more experienced, mature, richer, illicit, whatever. In my case, I just fell into the relationship because I didn't know any better. *Shrugs*

The guys probably seem more experienced, mature, richer, illicit, whatever. In my case, I just fell into the relationship because I didn't know any better. *Shrugs*
They like the 'lifestyle'.. Cars, alcohol and all that shit. Really not a cool scene for 15yr olds to be in.

I still don't understand why you would do that kinda stuff though. :confused:

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?
With one exception, every person I've been involved with (male or female) has been older than myself. The main reason is that I ended up being a year younger than most people in my grade level, though I also tend to somehow end up hanging around with upperclassmen a lot. Not sure why.

I don't think older = more mature. In fact, I think any girl who believes that nonsense is pretty immature herself, so she probably should be dating closer to her own age anyhow. ;)

I'm sure it was pointed out above that 3-5 years is significant for a mid-teen. 15/18 is as significant gap. 21/24 is not. And 40/43 isn't a gap at all.
Indeed. A 45 year old dating a 55 year old might not really be a big deal. A 15 year old dating a 25 year old is much more problematic.

A lot of it is about the power imbalance in a relationship, too. I don't really trust any grown adult who is interested in dating somebody who can't stay out past midnight curfew; that's suspicious, in my eyes. A grown adult, with their own career and home and whatnot, is gonna try to tell me that the person they most connect with is somebody who can't even get their learner's permit yet? Nuh uh.

I've dated people older than myself, but never with that huge an age gap. Mostly because I'd never want to date the kind of person who, at age 30, still wants to date somebody my age. :D

I've dated people older than myself, but never with that huge an age gap. Mostly because I'd never want to date the kind of person who, at age 30, still wants to date somebody my age. :DMy, aren't we picky :p

Indeed. A 45 year old dating a 55 year old might not really be a big deal. A 15 year old dating a 25 year old is much more problematic.

A lot of it is about the power imbalance in a relationship, too. I don't really trust any grown adult who is interested in dating somebody who can't stay out past midnight curfew; that's suspicious, in my eyes. A grown adult, with their own career and home and whatnot, is gonna try to tell me that the person they most connect with is somebody who can't even get their learner's permit yet? Nuh uh.

I've dated people older than myself, but never with that huge an age gap. Mostly because I'd never want to date the kind of person who, at age 30, still wants to date somebody my age. :D


I wonder how you would deal with a 15-17 year old who kept pursuing me for about 18 months. I did give in when she reached 17.

The whole power imbalance thing? So much new age bulldust. A new made-uppie criterium. 'Progress' I suppose.

I wonder how you would deal with a 15-17 year old who kept pursuing me for about 18 months. I did give in when she reached 17.

I wouldn't make much of her, since plenty of kids do stuff like that. My brother used to ask to do "movie kisses" when he was 4 years old. Young people try to do a lot of things that might not be a good idea, and I consider adults responsible for controlling themselves. Just because a 4 year old boy wants to "movie kiss" with you doesn't mean you should say, "Well, he pursued me!"


The whole power imbalance thing? So much new age bulldust. A new made-uppie criterium. 'Progress' I suppose.
You just keep telling yourself that. :)

What you are saying is pretty much the same crap I heard from male professors of mine, who were totally convinced that today's "liberated" young women don't experience a power imbalance when they (at age 18) have a relationship with a 45 year old professor. Meh. Girls dumb enough to fall for that will learn their lesson quite quickly.

I wouldn't make much of her, since plenty of kids do stuff like that. My brother used to ask to do "movie kisses" when he was 4 years old. Young people try to do a lot of things that might not be a good idea, and I consider adults responsible for controlling themselves. Just because a 4 year old boy wants to "movie kiss" with you doesn't mean you should say, "Well, he pursued me!"


You just keep telling yourself that. :)

What you are saying is pretty much the same crap I heard from male professors of mine, who were totally convinced that today's "liberated" young women don't experience a power imbalance when they (at age 18) have a relationship with a 45 year old professor. Meh. Girls dumb enough to fall for that will learn their lesson quite quickly.

Since when is power imbalance wrong?
Homer doesn't mention it. Nor Euripides. Not any of the religious texts.

By whose authority do you introduce an innovation?

You just keep telling yourself that. :)

What you are saying is pretty much the same crap I heard from male professors of mine, who were totally convinced that today's "liberated" young women don't experience a power imbalance when they (at age 18) have a relationship with a 45 year old professor. Meh. Girls dumb enough to fall for that will learn their lesson quite quickly.It doesn't have to be the age that's the defining factor. In your case, you also have the professor student relationship that conveys the power. Now if you have a slightly lower age difference between two students, the power balance is not necessarily the same.

It doesn't have to be the age that's the defining factor. In your case, you also have the professor student relationship that conveys the power. Now if you have a slightly lower age difference between two students, the power balance is not necessarily the same.

Yes, it's an extreme example. It's a shame Bottle isn't here any more to reply to you, but rather than letting it be covered by more posts, I'll reply.
"Mature age" students (whatever you call them where you live) are at a real social disadvantage at university. They have real-world experience, and a breadth of learning which makes them very good students, but doesn't help one bit with getting it on with younger students.
It's being staff vs students, not the age differential, that's important.

And perhaps it's the same for teens. The older partner might have a car, or a place of their own, or even just the self-assurance to keep up a funny hair-do. It's not that they're older (more mature, whatever) but the real-world advantages (power) that they have to offer.

My husband is 7 years older than me, I like him because when we met we were in a similar "life place". I moved out of my house at 15, so most of the 15 year olds I met didn't have anything in common with me

"I am going to the Korn concert you wanna go?"
"I can't, I have to work"
"oh, can't you just take off?"
"no, I have to pay my bills"
"get your mom to buy your ticket"
:rolleyes:

By the time I was 18 (when I met my husband) things weren't much better

"I am having a graduation party, we are going to Mexico to get drunk, wanna come?"
"no, I have to work, it's Tuesday"
"oh, can't you just quit and like find a job when we get back?"
"no, I can't, I have to pay my bills"
"you could get a student loan, then we could all go to Mexico!!"
:rolleyes:

Oh, so maturity I guess is what I should say, but not really, I mean we are on the "same level" but really what was different about him, is that we were in the same "life place" had the same responisiblities, goals, problems, ect.

Yes, it's an extreme example. It's a shame Bottle isn't here any more to reply to you, but rather than letting it be covered by more posts, I'll reply.
"Mature age" students (whatever you call them where you live) are at a real social disadvantage at university. They have real-world experience, and a breadth of learning which makes them very good students, but doesn't help one bit with getting it on with younger students.
It's being staff vs students, not the age differential, that's important.

And perhaps it's the same for teens. The older partner might have a car, or a place of their own, or even just the self-assurance to keep up a funny hair-do. It's not that they're older (more mature, whatever) but the real-world advantages (power) that they have to offer.Yup. Remove most of those last bits and the power advantage can shift in favor of the younger person.

"life place" =~= power.
Thinking about the same things, facing the same challenges.

Of course, it might not last (the 40-yo running out of time to have children, the 20-yo changing more quickly.) A relationship can be good, mutually beneficial, but not last long.

19 and 22 ROFL you are not an older guy :rolleyes:

I'm not dating my boyfriend because he's mature - I'm dating him because he's exactly as immature as I am :D

After all, if I can't call a guy a jizz-soaked cumrag and have him roll off the bed from the utter ridiculousness of it, I'm not terribly interested in pursuing a relationship. And if he wasn't as excited by the fact that our birth dates are reversed (12th May/5th December), why would he be worth spending time with. And as if a mature guy would tolerate my pony collecting, or my compulsion to watch all 8 seasons of Red Dwarf within a few weeks of them arriving at his apartment?

...It helps that he's insanely hot and impossibly good in bed, too. After all, never let it be said that I am not exactly as shallow as everyone else around me :p.

(for the record? 19/24, me/him)

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?

Well, I am a guy, so I don't know for sure, but my sister says that it's because of the maturity thing.

Of course... my sistser's gay so...

I've dated people older than myself, but never with that huge an age gap. Mostly because I'd never want to date the kind of person who, at age 30, still wants to date somebody my age. :D

How old are you anyway? :confused:

Which?

The length?

Or the notion that Eut has a penis at all?:D
penis?
I thought you were talking about his balls!

Those things really sag as you age.

Something us guys have all got to look forward to (along with an enlarged prostate, inability to pee and brain shrinkage leading to increased grumpiness)

I can't stand younger guys, they tend to be immature and full of themselves. Guys who are older also tend to be much more polite and caring. Also most younger guys I've found tend to care more for sex and things of that nature. Maybe it's just because of the age I am, 16, or maybe that holds true throughout life, I don't know. I'm dating an older guy though, he's 19.

I've heard it said that, as a rule of thumb, the age limit on women a guy can date is 1/2 his age + 7.
Thus a 20 yr should be looking for women no younger than 17.
A 30yr old, it's 22 and above.
A 40yr old it's 27 and above.

Seems pretty abitrary and silly, imo.
I don't think it works that well as you get too old (a 90yr old guy should be looking at 52 yr old women to date? For what? To empty his bag and remind him what his name is again?).
But it's kinda useful in reminding oneself of one's limitations. In that if, for eg, you're 30 and you meet a 20yr old, to stop and think, "hmm..probably not gonna work - outside the formula zone".
Of course if you need a dumb formula to tell you that, you probably won't use it anyway.

But there you go.

I am 35 my g/f is 20.

Everyone says its wrong. We dont care.

I am 35 my g/f is 20.

Everyone says its wrong. We dont care.
I say if you're happy, go for it.

dating a 20 year-old highschool student (yes, we're actually in school until the age of 19 or 20) would have seemed out of the question.

Are you from the US? Because a high school aged student should be out well before they are 19 or 20.

If you start first grade at six, you should graduate from twelfth grade at seventeen.

To be honest, I did have to giggle when I read the OP and a couple of posts in this thread.

"Older guys" means an age difference on 3-5 years to you guys? *lol So if you're girlfriend was 3 years older than you, would you be dating a "mature woman"?

An age difference between partners is normal, you won't often find two that are of exactly the same age. I think you can start to talk about a difference in age when the difference is 10 years and above, everything below is just normal.


There are only four years between me and my fiance... but if I'd started dating him when I was 18 his dad would have broken both my legs. ;)

Are you from the US? Because a high school aged student should be out well before they are 19 or 20.

If you start first grade at six, you should graduate from twelfth grade at seventeen.

Or at least start twelfth grade at seventeen. In my state, most people are eighteen at graduation. We start in early August and end in late May, so I guess they might do the ages a little differently, though.

I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 16, so I'm interested to see the prevailing opinion
I don't care about opinions, all I care about is the end result. Even though I know it's kindof.. odd.. he really loves that girl, I've never seen him so happy or nice, he's very shutout from people, the only reason I'm his friend was I put up with alot of shit. And mostly he subconsciencely gives "tests" to see if people will turn away..

You know, pedophylia if you look it up in the dictionary, is having sexual attraction to someone who hasn't hit puberty yet, IE; twelve or younger, once you hit the "teens" you're not a kid anymore, mindyou you're ceartainly no adult, but to leaveout any possibility of exceptions is close-minded and wrong. I say; there's exceptions to everything, but not everything is the exception. And these two, they're an exception. Hell, she's way more peverted then he is and he even tells her sometimes to chillout. I'm sure he gets uneasy her talking bout' sex all the time cause that'll make people start to think..

You know, I don't think it's wrong about age, I think society's selective reasoning is wrong, had it been the other way around he been fifteen and she be twenty-one, no one would give a fuck. That's wrong. I can deal with uber-conservatism, what I can't deal with is sexist remarks..

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?
Define "older." :)

My boyfriend is 11 years older than me......I like him for the sex and all that stuff......:rolleyes:

Are you from the US? Because a high school aged student should be out well before they are 19 or 20.

If you start first grade at six, you should graduate from twelfth grade at seventeen.In Germany, the school system ends after 13 years, not 12 like in the US, though there's been plans about changing that.

I can't stand younger guys, they tend to be immature and full of themselves. Guys who are older also tend to be much more polite and caring. Also most younger guys I've found tend to care more for sex and things of that nature. Maybe it's just because of the age I am, 16, or maybe that holds true throughout life, I don't know. I'm dating an older guy though, he's 19.
LMAO! Nineteen is "older." :D

I'm 63 and wouldn't mind having a couple of younger girlfriends but my wife keeps telling me I'm not wired for 220. :D

How about this as a sample of my French... Embrasse moi :fluffle: lol
Avec plaisir, mademoiselle!:fluffle:

Indeed. A 45 year old dating a 55 year old might not really be a big deal. A 15 year old dating a 25 year old is much more problematic.

A lot of it is about the power imbalance in a relationship, too. I don't really trust any grown adult who is interested in dating somebody who can't stay out past midnight curfew; that's suspicious, in my eyes. A grown adult, with their own career and home and whatnot, is gonna try to tell me that the person they most connect with is somebody who can't even get their learner's permit yet? Nuh uh.

I've dated people older than myself, but never with that huge an age gap. Mostly because I'd never want to date the kind of person who, at age 30, still wants to date somebody my age. :D
You've made my earlier point much better than I did. Well said, and thanks.

I wonder how you would deal with a 15-17 year old who kept pursuing me for about 18 months. I did give in when she reached 17.

The whole power imbalance thing? So much new age bulldust. A new made-uppie criterium. 'Progress' I suppose.
Well, how old are you? If you're 20, I've seen it, and while it's mildly imbalanced, it's toerable. If you're 25, there's something to at least question. I'd go out on a limb and venture that the primary purpose for 25-17 is sex...for the 25-y-o "man".

I wouldn't make much of her, since plenty of kids do stuff like that. My brother used to ask to do "movie kisses" when he was 4 years old. Young people try to do a lot of things that might not be a good idea, and I consider adults responsible for controlling themselves. Just because a 4 year old boy wants to "movie kiss" with you doesn't mean you should say, "Well, he pursued me!"


You just keep telling yourself that. :)

What you are saying is pretty much the same crap I heard from male professors of mine, who were totally convinced that today's "liberated" young women don't experience a power imbalance when they (at age 18) have a relationship with a 45 year old professor. Meh. Girls dumb enough to fall for that will learn their lesson quite quickly.
I lost a girlfriend in college to a prof of 40. She and I were 19. He divorced his wife for her and sundered a family of four. That's a rather extreme example, and married folks have even less excuse than a randy 40-y-o prof, but either way, it's using one's position of authority, intended or not, as an advantage. Colleges aren't looking the other way anymore, either.

Since when is power imbalance wrong?
Homer doesn't mention it. Nor Euripides. Not any of the religious texts.

By whose authority do you introduce an innovation?
The authority of experience -- the best individual authority there is.

I wouldn't bring up ancient Greeks who dug on young boys as a defense of dating outside one's age range, but that's me.

Religious texts? Which ones? When I worked for the County Auditor's office, Arabs routinely tried to get marriage licenses with falisified birth records on girls who were obviously not even 16 (the youngest Washington will license, and that only with parental consent and a judge's approval in a court order). In many cutures, 12 is fine. *shudder* I'm not their boss, so I don't think I have the right to judge, but damn, I'd swim in a pool of razor blades before I let my 12-y-o daughter marry anyone...if I had a daughter, anyway.

My husband is 7 years older than me, I like him because when we met we were in a similar "life place". I moved out of my house at 15, so most of the 15 year olds I met didn't have anything in common with me

"I am going to the Korn concert you wanna go?"
"I can't, I have to work"
"oh, can't you just take off?"
"no, I have to pay my bills"
"get your mom to buy your ticket"
:rolleyes:

By the time I was 18 (when I met my husband) things weren't much better

"I am having a graduation party, we are going to Mexico to get drunk, wanna come?"
"no, I have to work, it's Tuesday"
"oh, can't you just quit and like find a job when we get back?"
"no, I can't, I have to pay my bills"
"you could get a student loan, then we could all go to Mexico!!"
:rolleyes:

Oh, so maturity I guess is what I should say, but not really, I mean we are on the "same level" but really what was different about him, is that we were in the same "life place" had the same responisiblities, goals, problems, ect.
Very good point, albeit fairly uncommon.

I'm not dating my boyfriend because he's mature - I'm dating him because he's exactly as immature as I am :D

After all, if I can't call a guy a jizz-soaked cumrag and have him roll off the bed from the utter ridiculousness of it, I'm not terribly interested in pursuing a relationship. And if he wasn't as excited by the fact that our birth dates are reversed (12th May/5th December), why would he be worth spending time with. And as if a mature guy would tolerate my pony collecting, or my compulsion to watch all 8 seasons of Red Dwarf within a few weeks of them arriving at his apartment?

...It helps that he's insanely hot and impossibly good in bed, too. After all, never let it be said that I am not exactly as shallow as everyone else around me :p.

(for the record? 19/24, me/him)
24-19 is not that big of a deal. 24-15 would be. Such is the point. I would kill to have met you at 24!

I can't stand younger guys, they tend to be immature and full of themselves. Guys who are older also tend to be much more polite and caring. Also most younger guys I've found tend to care more for sex and things of that nature. Maybe it's just because of the age I am, 16, or maybe that holds true throughout life, I don't know. I'm dating an older guy though, he's 19.
News flash:

That stuff you don't like that you talked about? Yeah, that gets amplified at 19 and they gain the ability to hide it. Not well, but well enough. At 19, the average male is at their sexual peak (what kind of biological kick in the teeth is THAT, by the way?) -- I'm not slagging your man, just saying it never pays to let down your guard fully until you know you can.

Are you from the US? Because a high school aged student should be out well before they are 19 or 20.

If you start first grade at six, you should graduate from twelfth grade at seventeen.
LOL, no, that's why I added the "yes, we're actually in school until the age of 19 or 20" in the first place - didn't want people to think I spent a couple years extra.

I'm in Germany, as Laerod has pointed out, and we start school at 6 or 7 years old and go for 13 years (well, at least if you're going for the kind of diploma that lets you go to university later on - our school system is *really* different from the US), so people are usually 19 or 20 when they finish school. I was 20 the day of my oral maths graduation exam. Memorable day, that. :p

I'm 63 and wouldn't mind having a couple of younger girlfriends but my wife keeps telling me I'm not wired for 220. :D
LMAO! I once told mine that when she turned 40 I was going to trade her in on two 20-year olds. She just looked at me and said I wouldn't last ten minutes. :D

I'm 18 and my girlfriend is 16. Might not be a big age difference but I still cop a lot of flak for it. To this day (we've been seing each other for 4 months now) I still don't know what she sees in me, but I love her to death regardless. :D :fluffle:

The surprising thing is though, in many ways she is much more mature then me, but not always at the right moments, if you get what I'm trying to say.

But I reckon that it's partially because older guys tend to be more 'mature' in a manner of speaking, and also seem to be able to better 'protect' their girl, being older and therefore physically stronger or something to that effect. It's the safety factor, a girl loves being wrapped in the arms of a guy whose arms can actually reach all the way around her :p

Y'know, this further supports my idea that our instincts have a bigger part in our decisions than we give them credit for. In the wild, males look for fertility (youth) and sleep with many women to better ensure the survival of the species (cheating). Women, who cannot fall pregnant to every male, instead opt for the best possible male she can get. Biggest, strongest, most powerful, and most able to care for her and her offspring (older men, but not old). This theory also explains why men cheat more than women (women will only cheat if they feel they have found a better mate, men will cheat just to spread their seed regardless of the quality of the mate). Of course there are exceptions, but this seems to be the norm.

Quite spot on.

Y'know, this further supports my idea that our instincts have a bigger part in our decisions than we give them credit for. In the wild, males look for fertility (youth) and sleep with many women to better ensure the survival of the species (cheating). Women, who cannot fall pregnant to every male, instead opt for the best possible male she can get. Biggest, strongest, most powerful, and most able to care for her and her offspring (older men, but not old). This theory also explains why men cheat more than women (women will only cheat if they feel they have found a better mate, men will cheat just to spread their seed regardless of the quality of the mate). Of course there are exceptions, but this seems to be the norm.
Hence the term bio-logical imperative ;)

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?
there's also the fact that they probably have more money than younger guys. especially when you are a student and the older guys you meet are on the train going to work wearing suits. at least thats why my ex-flatmate fancies older guys but she is extraordinarily shallow.

Try being 38 (almost 39) and on a college campus surrounded by 19-21 year-olds. It's a large part of why I haven't had a date in two years. :headbang:

Being 16 and going out with a 21 year old (in a country where 16 is the legal age of consent, I might add), I have to say something about the stereotypes of teenage girls wanting older guys for money/car/being cool etc. I've never really got the whole "older guy" thing, yet it just ended up this way. One reason why it doesn't cause too many issues is because he's still living at home, which makes our situations in life more similar. (I'm also fairly mature, and look older than my 16 years, if that makes difference) Anyone who knows us as a couple (including both sets of parents, even my worrying and overprotective parents) knows the relationship has a great basis and is healthy and wonderful for the both of us, and not something which age really has much of an affect on. Sometimes it's kinda weird when the difference hits me, but it's not at all negative really.

Of course, even I'd say it's usually fairly strange to have a healthy relationship with these ages, and a lot of girls I know would do it for the idea of a car/money/etc, and some guys might do it to get a girl easily etc. But I'd just like to ask people not to judge straight away, or at least be open to being wrong about it...

Answering the original question, in my experience (as a 16year old girl), often the older guy thing is more of a fantasy that wouldnt be lived out. I know, initially, my situation was treated with suspicion and curiosity and it seemed weird to lots of my friends, despite the fact they'd be perfectly happy having crushes on guys the same age or older. It's often something that wouldn't be lived out. It tends to be a fantasy about these "mysterious older guys", who are supposed to be more mature, with more experience etc. Something that they'd actually find scary and "wrong" in real life. It's guys who are unattainable, and they can idealise in their mind.

Of course, this is just a theory, based on my limited experiences, and not at all something that can be applied on a broader scale.

I've had this talk with my girlfriend tonight, and she is 19, I am 22. She says that she likes older guys because they're more mature. You know I've notice this, I've met alot of women who say they want an older guy, but only my girlfriend have really explained why they like older guys. So, to all of the girls here in NS who have dated or is dating an older guy, why?
LOL. I certainly don't remember being mature at 22. Or 33, even. But then I was in the Marine Air Wing. I thought you were talking about _older_ than just a couple years.

Would your girlfriend date a man 10 years her senior? How about 20? Certainly they will be more mature than they were at 22.

LMAO! Nineteen is "older." :D
LOL Breaks you heart, doesn't it? If nineteen is _older_, what is it when you are past the half-century mark?

I'm 45 and my wife is 35.

My wife is fond of saying that men's emotional maturity (expressed as age) is their age in years minus their shoe size (US shoe sizes if a US male, EU shoe sizes for everyone else).

I'm 45 and my wife is 35.

My wife is fond of saying that men's emotional maturity (expressed as age) is their age in years minus their shoe size (US shoe sizes if a US male, EU shoe sizes for everyone else).
Yet another disadvantage of the metric system. You lose at least 30 IQ points compared to those of us that use customary units.

I'm 45 and my wife is 35.

My wife is fond of saying that men's emotional maturity (expressed as age) is their age in years minus their shoe size (US shoe sizes if a US male, EU shoe sizes for everyone else).
Is that because shoe size is in direct proportion of the length of the human horn?

I've never dated anyone significantly older than me. My boyfriend is one year older than me, which in my opinion hardly qualifies him as an "older guy". The guys I've dated have all been around my age; the youngest (relatively) being two years younger than I was, and the oldest (again, relatively) three years older than I was. I've never specifically hoped to date an older man.

My mother, however, is twelve years younger than my father is. They met and married when she was 19 and he was 31. I was born a year later. 23 years later, they're still happily married and in love.

I also have a friend who is 22 (I think - she might be 23), whose boyfriend is 38 or so. They started dating about a year and a half ago, and when her friends first met him, we were kind of uncomfortable with the idea. Someone figured out that when he graduated from college, we were in the first grade, which kinda creeped us out. But they're still very happy together, and don't see their age difference as an issue to contend with in their relationship. It's interesting when we get together, because he often makes references to things that I've never heard of - I poke fun at him, he laughs about it, and a good time is had by all.

Anyway, I don't know anyone that specifically hopes to date someone older. That seems a little silly. Much better to actually get to know the individual, and take it from there.

Statistics favor younger women with older guys. Girls start off 4 weeks more skeletally mature than boys at birth. Girls adjust to school better when compared to boys of the same age. Girls begin physical maturation earlier than boys. Females are ready for intimate relationships, commitment, and parenthood before malse are.

...unfortunately, guys die sooner. That is why I've chosen to date a guy who is one year younger than me. I'm suffering right now cause he's an immature idiot, but at least I won't be puttering around the retirement home by myself for as long as you other gals will be. Hopefully.

I'm 45 and my wife is 35.

My wife is fond of saying that men's emotional maturity (expressed as age) is their age in years minus their shoe size (US shoe sizes if a US male, EU shoe sizes for everyone else).
that's hilarious because my husband has big feet, so his maturity level is like 15 LOL

Well I'm a virgin, and so is she, so... lolwait you are 22 and you are a Virgin? :confused:

WoW.

Girls like older guys because of the vain hope that as men grow older, they become more mature.

It's not really true, of course, but its not like older guys are going to disagree.

My alternate theory is that older guys are hairier, and despite all the advances in metrosexuality girls still appreciate ye olde time caveman style hair growth.

I'm 45 and my wife is 35.

My wife is fond of saying that men's emotional maturity (expressed as age) is their age in years minus their shoe size (US shoe sizes if a US male, EU shoe sizes for everyone else).

That can't be right. Somehow, I don't think that I have the emotional maturity of a five-year-old...

Is that because shoe size is in direct proportion of the length of the human horn?

There were actually some researchers (Jerald Bain and Kerry Simonoski) who actually tested this folk myth. They concluded that there was no practically useful relationship between show size and penile length (and overall height)... and won an Ig Nobel Prize for their effort.

Statistics favor younger women with older guys. Girls start off 4 weeks more skeletally mature than boys at birth. Girls adjust to school better when compared to boys of the same age. Girls begin physical maturation earlier than boys. Females are ready for intimate relationships, commitment, and parenthood before malse are.

Personally, I don't think girls are ready for relationships earlier than men are. I think it's just that girls are raised in such a way that they think relationships are a 'mature' thing, so when they try to act older than they are, along with makeup and highheels, they try on relationships. They certainly aren't more mature about relationships at the age they start pursuing them, any more than guys would be if THEY started wanting to get married at 7.

...unfortunately, guys die sooner. That is why I've chosen to date a guy who is one year younger than me. I'm suffering right now cause he's an immature idiot, but at least I won't be puttering around the retirement home by myself for as long as you other gals will be. Hopefully.

Yes, because spending time with someone who annoys you for a LONG time is far more preferable to spending fewer years with someone you love who DOESN'T make you 'suffer' (oh, and don't expect him to ever get less immature, because that would be an exception, not the rule. You'd be far better off finding someone already mature, and avoid the pointless heartache)

My alternate theory is that older guys are hairier, and despite all the advances in metrosexuality girls still appreciate ye olde time caveman style hair growth.
I can agree with that theory, I likes my fuzzy man! :D

I'm 39 and my wife is 24.

I don't see a thing wrong with it.

Meh, age is just a number. People go for whatever they find more hawt.

That can't be right. Somehow, I don't think that I have the emotional maturity of a five-year-old...
Hey, you're doing better than me. If I use EU, I'm at minus 10 or something.

Is that because shoe size is in direct proportion of the length of the human horn?
I thought it was related to hand size. (speaketh the man with the gigantic hands)

Probably because, to a point, older guys have things younger guys don't. Like money and cars and stuff. :p

(not saying it applies in all instances, but i'm sure many are attracted to that over younger people who have nothing concrete to offer to a relationship.)

Personally, I don't think girls are ready for relationships earlier than men are. I think it's just that girls are raised in such a way that they think relationships are a 'mature' thing, so when they try to act older than they are, along with makeup and highheels, they try on relationships. They certainly aren't more mature about relationships at the age they start pursuing them, any more than guys would be if THEY started wanting to get married at 7.

Yeah, I've gotta agree with you on this. I think girls begin pushing for "commitment" earlier than boys do, but I don't think that's a sign of maturity. Quite the opposite, in many cases!


Yes, because spending time with someone who annoys you for a LONG time is far more preferable to spending fewer years with someone you love who DOESN'T make you 'suffer' (oh, and don't expect him to ever get less immature, because that would be an exception, not the rule. You'd be far better off finding someone already mature, and avoid the pointless heartache)
And again I agree! I'm not going to pick my partner based on my estimate of how many years our relationship will last, I'm going to pick my partner based on the QUALITY of the relationship I think we can have. I'd rather have a really awesome partner for 5 years than a lousy partner for a lifetime.

I think the biggest mistake people are making is when they equate age with maturity. That's a dangerous assumption. The two are correlated, to a certain point, but it's silly to say, "I'm going to date older men because they're more mature than younger men." A 50 year old man who is still trying to date 25 year old women is EXTREMELY immature. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you get maturity just because he's got some gray hairs.