NationStates Jolt Archive

That spanking thread got me thinking... How many here had (or have) a childhood they would consider happy?

Mine wasn't. My father is one of the greatest bastards I know, and he took good care to try and shape his kids in his image. By all means necessary. And then a little more. As a result, I haven't spoken a word to him in 10 years now.

How was yours? I'll make a little poll for this one, too, hang on...

That spanking thread got me thinking... How many here had (or have) a childhood they would consider happy?

Mine wasn't. My father is one of the greatest bastards I know, and he took good care to try and shape his kids in his image. By all means necessary. And then a little more. As a result, I haven't spoken a word to him in 10 years now.

How was yours? I'll make a little poll for this one, too, hang on...

I see our childhoods were very similar...

...The great pain of mine being that I still seem to be locked in childhood, since my dad's that much of a control freak. I'm not going to go too far in at the moment, but you probably know what I'm talking about.

My mother's funeral will be attended by a couple of officials from the General Register Office.

Mine was great! :)

(except from all the medical bits everyone already knows about)

I see our childhoods were very similar...

...The great pain of mine being that I still seem to be locked in childhood, since my dad's that much of a control freak. I'm not going to go too far in at the moment, but you probably know what I'm talking about.

I do. One of the reasons I don't ever want contact with my father again is that I don't ever want to remember some things.

It was marked by physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I was addicted to drugs by the time I was 11 and moved out when I was 15, I ended up in one abusive relationship after another until I was 19 and finally got sober and clean.
Over the last few months I have gradually cut ties with all of my family.

I'm one of the lucky ones... The very lucky ones, in my own opinion.

Both parents have always been there for me, taking care of me, watching my back. And they're still prepared to do so :)

I'm grateful to them, beyond any words... :)
Love ya, mom and dad!

That spanking thread got me thinking... How many here had (or have) a childhood they would consider happy?

Mine wasn't. My father is one of the greatest bastards I know, and he took good care to try and shape his kids in his image. By all means necessary. And then a little more. As a result, I haven't spoken a word to him in 10 years now.

How was yours? I'll make a little poll for this one, too, hang on...
I do wish some things were different. but generally, no complaints.

Mine was completely fucked up. By age seven I had literally determined that if there was a God then the sumbitch was not on my side.

I do. One of the reasons I don't ever want contact with my father again is that I don't ever want to remember some things.

Sucky.

But the thing that really gets me about my dad is that he's great, aside from being a controlling fuck who used to hit me a lot when I was younger. And I can remember as far back as 1990 when we lived in a very big beachfront condominium, too. He started the hitting/slapping/spanking/kicking when I was three years old, and it stopped just before I turned six.

Oh, the anti-child-beating law had absolutely everything to do with that. He even told me so. God, it still pisses the fuck out of me.

It was marked by physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I was addicted to drugs by the time I was 11 and moved out when I was 15, I ended up in one abusive relationship after another until I was 19 and finally got sober and clean.
Over the last few months I have gradually cut ties with all of my family.

that's so sad :fluffle:

it's a good thing that you've turned out to be a good mom yourself.

Remarkably well-balanced. But then my parents are intelligent, fairly well-off, middle class Conservative voters. Suffice to say if I can give my kids (assuming I have any) a childhood like mine then I'll consider myself to be a good dad.

that's so sad :fluffle:
it's in the past. I don't have to be abused anymore, so I am happy that counseling has helped me realize that.

it's a good thing that you've turned out to be a good mom yourself.
ah, that's debate-able around here, I don't hit my kids, so I am a "bad mommy" :rolleyes:

Sucky.

But the thing that really gets me about my dad is that he's great, aside from being a controlling fuck who used to hit me a lot when I was younger. And I can remember as far back as 1990 when we lived in a very big beachfront condominium, too. He started the hitting/slapping/spanking/kicking when I was three years old, and it stopped just before I turned six.

Oh, the anti-child-beating law had absolutely everything to do with that. He even told me so. God, it still pisses the fuck out of me.

Oh, mine is an intelligent, gifted, educated, cultured, sucessful person with great musical and artistic talent. I did learn a lot from him.
It's just that he is a complete bastard and human failure.

My family was good for me, and so were most of my teachers. Unfortunately, a combination of some inner demons, seeing a lot of deaths in the family before I even started school (sorry, Grandma*, but I did understand the meaning of death, even at age 4), and the curse of being a gifted nontheist with fairly liberal parents in a school filled with evangelicals (you get along well with your teachers and parents, but you hate your classmates. :( ) prevent me from raising my vote above "average".

* - the "Grandma" in question is still alive. However, she is my *only* living grandparent, and has been my only living grandparent for 12 years. Gee, I wonder why?

I do wish some things were different. but generally, no complaints.

What would you wish to be different?

It sucked. Thank God I'll never have to go through being a child again.

I had a good childhood. My Mom, Dad, and two older sisters lived in my grandfather's house with Papa and two aunts. When I was 11 one of my sisters got married and my other sister and parents moved. Shortly after we moved my other sister got married.

.
ah, that's debate-able around here, I don't hit my kids, so I am a "bad mommy" :rolleyes:

Oh quit.

it's in the past. I don't have to be abused anymore, so I am happy that counseling has helped me realize that.


ah, that's debate-able around here, I don't hit my kids, so I am a "bad mommy" :rolleyes:

They underestimate your greatness in the parenting front is all ;)

That spanking thread got me thinking... How many here had (or have) a childhood they would consider happy?

Mine wasn't. My father is one of the greatest bastards I know, and he took good care to try and shape his kids in his image. By all means necessary. And then a little more. As a result, I haven't spoken a word to him in 10 years now.

How was yours? I'll make a little poll for this one, too, hang on...

Similar situation, my father is an absolute bastard and I look foward to pissing on his grave. At the funeral.

If I were to talk to a shrink about my varied experiences they'd probably agree that I was emotionally, physicially, and sexually abused from a young age. It causes issues from time to time.

Oh quit.
what?

Oh, mine is an intelligent, gifted, educated, cultured, sucessful person with great musical and artistic talent. I did learn a lot from him.
It's just that he is a complete bastard and human failure.

Holy shitballs. My dad's the same way... Except for the cultured and successful part.

Along with being a bastard and a human failure, he could never keep the family secure, had an endless list of marital problems (both he and my mom were at fault, but mostly him). He's also quite the typical closed-minded Texas man. You know, the whole "everyone from every other country is stupider than we are" attitude, and the whole "men are better than women" thing... Ugh.

what?

You know what young lady.

You know what young lady.
*shuffles off to her room*

You know what young lady.
You should've spanked her for answering back!

Sorry ;)

Mine was largely uneventful. Pretty good, really.
The only thing that could've made it better is if my parents had divorced at some point in my teens. I know it seems strange, but their living together really doesn't do them any good, and it gets annoying for the kids when it's the adults doing the shouting, bitching and whining.

It was marked by physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I was addicted to drugs by the time I was 11 and moved out when I was 15, I ended up in one abusive relationship after another until I was 19 and finally got sober and clean.
Over the last few months I have gradually cut ties with all of my family.
glad to hear you cleaned yourself up!

:fluffle:

That spanking thread got me thinking... How many here had (or have) a childhood they would consider happy?

Mine wasn't. My father is one of the greatest bastards I know, and he took good care to try and shape his kids in his image. By all means necessary. And then a little more. As a result, I haven't spoken a word to him in 10 years now.

How was yours? I'll make a little poll for this one, too, hang on...
I think I had one of the best childhoods anybody could ask for. I feel unspeakably lucky to have had the parents I did. They're awesome people, and I would want to be close with them even if we weren't biologically related. We certainly had our fights, and I can think of a few major mistakes they made with me, but over all I think they did better than anybody else could have done with being my parents.

Oh, and my little brother kicks ass. Happy (belated) birthday, Evan!

ah, that's debate-able around here, I don't hit my kids, so I am a "bad mommy" :rolleyes:if by 'Bad' you mean 'Totally Rad', 'Awsome', 'really really cool', and 'not one to f*#k with' then yes, you are a Bad Mommy.

*shuffles off to her room**Shuffles off with Smunkee to her room* :D

You should've spanked her for answering back!


No she just asked a question. That is OK.

What would you wish to be different?
my parents always encouraged me to figure things out for myself. to always look for ways to accomplish things on my own.

While that's well and good, the downside to that is that I really cannot talk to my parents about any problems in my life. funny, I can and will help others, but I just cannot ask anyone for help until I hit the point where I am sure I cannot do it on my own.

so I do wish I had more of an open and honest communication with them. a sympathietic ear where I can just talk about my problems without it turning into a lecture on what I should've done or how to prevent it in the future.

Fairly average, I suppose. Got a fluffle here and there :fluffle:

Somewhere between "normal" and "sucked", I guess. :/

I was fortunate to be born where I was and to have so much more than so many others. Really, complaining about anything in my childhood would be ridiculously spoilt.

Now, adolescence.... ;)

That spanking thread got me thinking...

My childhood was idyllic.

And I went to a school with corporal punishment.

Mine was too damn short.

My childhood was idyllic.

And I went to a school with corporal punishment.

Does that make you a compulsively well-behaved kid or a masochist? :p ;)

I had a good run. Nothing really bad happened and I have no complaints; were I given the opportunity to do it again I would change pretty much nothing.

Does that make you a compulsively well-behaved kid or a masochist? :p ;)
It made me really sneaky.

It was marked by physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I was addicted to drugs by the time I was 11 and moved out when I was 15, I ended up in one abusive relationship after another until I was 19 and finally got sober and clean.
Over the last few months I have gradually cut ties with all of my family.

I'm reading this after reading your last message in the spanking thread and wow.
Once again, congrats. You should be given a medal or write a book. (NO sarcasm)

It was decent besides my parents always arguing, then cheating on each other, then divorcing. Ermm. don't forget about them punishing me for ever making a "b" on a report card, or if i didn't make the ball team. But thats not all, they didn't ever pay any loving attention to me. However, I don't regret my childhood. I mean I know they loved me, and I was just their little mistake.

i wasn't really happy. left san francisco at a young age because we couldn't exactly afford living there, and we moved here and for the most part i lived in the countryside on a farm and we were quite poor. my parents had to occasionaly deal with my uncle who was a jackass and an alcoholic, and there was a lot of things goin on with the family, a lot of stress and pent up anger. i spent my pre-teen and early teen years in a depression, i was bullied and at that point i had zero self-esteem and, well let's just say i was a bit fucked up, did a few things. my mum and i clashed a lot and she didn't understand fully what i was going through at that time, but i have to say i love my parents and they did do their best.

By age seven I had literally determined that if there was a God then the sumbitch was not on my side.

Not with that attitude.

Dad was a small-potatoes con-man who was incapable of truth, fidelity and keeping his hands off me or any other female who came within range.

Mom was a self-involved drama queen who thought I was her dress-up doll.

I was a disappointment to both.

I survived. I got even by living my life on my terms and learning what not to do from them.

Up till I was about 10, fine.

Mine was great. Parents and grand-parents loving us (my two brothers, my sister and me), and a lot of travels to most of Europe during holidays :)

Sure, there were some things that were not that nice, like some schoolmates teasing me and bullying me because I was the youngest and weakest (physically) of the class, and the son of teachers... hopefully, they never went too far, and I learnt to ignore them.

The only really painful moments I had was the death of my grand parents :'( :'( ... I still miss them :(

But overall it was great :)

I'm refusing to leave my childhood, its awesome

Up till I was about 10, fine.

What happened when you were 10?

It is and still is awful (http://kevan.org/brain.cgi?Alonocus)

First 5-6 years were good, years spent in elementary (and half of middle) school were sh*tty, HS has been good to me though (with one or two isolated sh*tty incidents)

I won’t be looking back upon childhood as a happy time…

My mother’s been divorced… …twice! I’d been hospitalized 7 times by the time I turned 12. I was constantly bullied in school – that is, of course, when I was at school rather than hospital. I was the kid that no-one wanted to be friendly with. The list just goes on and on…

Now that I’m approaching 30, the only thing I can do is to look back and wonder how different my life would have been if I had gotten lucky – just once. I mean, is that to much to ask for…?

What happened when you were 10?

Changed cities. Lost contact with all of my early childhood friends and went from a safe comfortable environment to a school where I was physically assaulted routinely, changed schools again a year later, didn't make any friends, flitted with suicide in my head, you know, the usual.

I had a wonderful childhood, until I turned 10.

At age 10, I experienced a wretched tragedy that transformed me completely. In some ways for the better, in some ways for the worse. But the tragedy was no one's fault. (well, arguable, God's but, thats for another thread entirely), so I voted happy kid with a happy family. Though my family is very bizarre, we are generally happy.

Up till I was about 10, fine.
me too

ah, that's debate-able around here, I don't hit my kids, so I am a "bad mommy" :rolleyes:
You have the luckiest children in the world. I wish all of my friends had mothers that were half the woman you seem to be.

Totally rad, no women to worry about, and no constant pressure to fit in with the normal crowd, lest you be shunned for all eternity.

And by "no women to worry about" I meant... er... well, it was just easier.

*mumblegrumble*Idonthavetoexplainmyself*mumblegrumble*

me too
I think I made it to 12 or so before it turned

Kinda short, my brother forced me to stop playing with toys when I was 6 or 7, otherwise fine I guess.

A friend once said to me, "Don't you wish you could be a kid again?" My immediate, instinctive response was, "God, no." Maybe if I could have a different childhood, I'd take it, but if I had to relive the one I had, no. It was bad enough living through it once.

Now, if I could be 30 again, I'd take it. That was a good year for me.

Changed cities. Lost contact with all of my early childhood friends and went from a safe comfortable environment to a school where I was physically assaulted routinely, changed schools again a year later, didn't make any friends, flitted with suicide in my head, you know, the usual.


Thats how i was until around freshman year of HS(grade 9)...People always bullied me, and i never made friends. I was a "nerd" and all that crap.

ah, that's debate-able around here, I don't hit my kids, so I am a "bad mommy" :rolleyes:
You do realize, don't you, that you're going to have the only kids in your area who aren't totally screwed up?

Parents - generally wonderful, I just twisted their praise into feeling huge pressure to be perfect. Fairly distant from my dad, and not greatly close to either, but both pretty great. Few arguments here and there but not too bad.

School - bullied various times, and always treated as worthless and unlikeable by the vast majority, never had any real friends in school (a few out of school), did well academically but that developed into perfectionism and obsessive focus on grades too. last two years have been much better, with people i actually liked and gave me confidence in myself

Generally had very low self esteem for a long time, and only just recovering.
Had severe depression on and off since the age of about 12, probably minor depression for a lot longer through childhood. Mild selfharm during that. Also, fair bouts of paranoia. Have no memory of ever enjoying life at all, before a year or so ago.

Went through phase of arguments from about 13-14 with friends/person I thought I loved, and I mean pretty serious ones, about fairly serious issues (example : being accused of wanting my friend stay selfharming so that I wouldnt be alone in depression - just sickening), all happening through depression which meant going up and down to suicidalness a lot.

One fucked up sexual experience I regret, and which caused problems at home. Pretty much behind me now though.

Got therapy and stuff and generally fine now (95% of the time I like myself and love life), apart from days like today where I feel as bad as I did during fairly severe depression....

How was my childhood? I think this sums it up.


My name is Luka
I live on the second floor
I live upstairs from you
Yes I think you've seen me before

If you hear something late at night
Some kind of trouble. some kind of fight
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was
Just don't ask me what it was

I think it's because I'm clumsy
I try not to talk too loud
Maybe it's because I'm crazy
I try not to act too proud

They only hit until you cry
And after that you don't ask why
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore
You just don't argue anymore

Yes I think I'm okay
I walked into the door again
Well, if you ask that's what I'll say
And it's not your business anyway
I guess I'd like to be alone
With nothing broken, nothing thrown

Just don't ask me how I am [X3]


That's why I refuse to have any further contact with my family.

-snip-
That's the kinda song I love for how wonderful it is, but hate for how much it gets to me.

:fluffle: :fluffle:

I believe my childhood would render any complaints immature, since I've grown up in an extensive, well off and caring family, not unlike an Italian "extended family", a comfortable and safe rural village, and a succession of "safe" schools.

However, I remain frustrated, pissed off and jealous. Any ideas why?

Thanks, Glitz. :fluffle:

I believe my childhood would render any complaints immature, since I've grown up in an extensive, well off and caring family, not unlike an Italian "extended family", a comfortable and safe rural village, and a succession of "safe" schools.

However, I remain frustrated, pissed off and jealous. Any ideas why?

Sheltered a bit much? Meh... that's my idea :p

No really, why?

Thats how i was until around freshman year of HS(grade 9)...People always bullied me, and i never made friends. I was a "nerd" and all that crap.
something tells me a good ammount of NS can relate to that. Oddly, that sounds almost exactly like what I went through, except mine was more into "harassment" than "bullying"

Got therapy and stuff and generally fine now (95% of the time I like myself and love life), apart from days like today where I feel as bad as I did during fairly severe depression....
i am so, so, so, so sorry :( :( you know i will do whatever it takes to make things right again :(
i love you
(though i was feeling pretty much the same last night/this morning, too)

i am so, so, so, so sorry :( :( you know i will do whatever it takes to make things right again :(
i love you
(though i was feeling pretty much the same last night/this morning, too)
you have no need to be sorry *hugs* the way i reacted is down to me, and a fragile security in myself, and an awful way of coping and responding to stuff like this. plus, it'll be for the better, in various ways. and i know - youre wonderful, and thats one thing i havent doubted through any of this, of course :) :fluffle:
i love you too, so much
*huge hugs* i'm really sorry this has caused you so much pain too....

Sheltered a bit much? Meh... that's my idea :p

No really, why?

Probably true.

It might also be that I have a condition I coined myself; "Cake and eat it-ism". Essentially, anything I see, I have a tendancy to want, irrespective of the fairly evident dychotomy therein.

my childhood was generally speaking very good. i had a mum and dad who cared for and loved me very much, a roof over my head and food on my plate. sometimes my parents had to go without to feed me though, and that is just one of the things i respect and love them so very much for.

emotionally things were quite difficult though. my parents started their own business just after i was born so my life as far back as i can remember has revolved around work and money. my parents in the early days were successful, often away, and had no time for me (i had a nanny). following that there were things like being the last one picked up from school every day... i still remember standing on that particular corner of the playground looking throught he wire fence looking out for their car for hours. sometimes the headmaster or a teacher would take me in if the weather was bad, and sometimes had school lunch leftovers i think. parents had no time for me, and it hurt.

by the time i was old enough to understand the wider world, work and the like, things had gone tits up for my family. we don't have an "extended family" (its just us three and my grandma in wales) to rely on for support, and the business had cost all my parents' friends (they still have none), so when the business went bad in the recession of '92 (and a few certain individuals taking advantage of my parents' honesty) then they almost went bankrupt. it was difficult to live through that with all the shouting and the stress, the fact that they had less time for me and i was a burden to them, that i could do nothing to help, that they kept me away, that... my whole world was coming apart... it wasn't easy.

we had to move house, i went to an old (450 year old) private school, which my grandma generously paid the fees for :), did ok until the 2nd year where i was put on report. i just didn't care about anything... it seemed like just early teenage rebellion but looking back it could have been depression of some sort. i put in effort and turned myself around the year after and was top of the year... but then burned out and realised there wasn't any point and it made no difference by the 4th year came around. i scraped through my GCSEs with minimal effort, and by the time i finished A-levels my attitude had deteriorated (with the beginnings of major depression) to one of "fuck it who cares? going to die anyway" basically.
during this time my parents were working from home, and that was hard too. money was tight. we lived well, but as i've said before if you earn, say, 50 grand and 49 grand goes straight back out the door, you're just as poor as someone earning minimum wage. so we scraped by and tension and stress and emotions were high always. i grew up hating money basically. i didn't want to end up like my parents - friendless, alone, no time for hobbies, working from 7am to 8pm, time for tea before falling asleep infront of the tv every night... 7 days a week, no holidays... nothing but work. i don't want that for me :(

however because of the emotional difficulty of all we've been through together, myself and my parents are very, very close, and we care for each other an awful lot. a real strong relationship.

i went to uni (this is straying out of childhood), got more depressed, came home after second year and was diagnosed with clinical major depression, and have since gotten better :) (thanks in a large part to amy!), and changed my attitude toward a lot of things. i now want to work *with* my parents, rather than just running away to do my own thing, in order to help get what's best for all of us :)


and that's about it (i always write too much for this kind of thing :headbang: but i have been writing on-and-off for the last half hour so its not too bad... really...)

That's why I refuse to have any further contact with my family.
I know where (or in the general area) you are coming from. I finally cut ties with my family a few months ago, I am looking forward to my healthy abuse free life.

They tried to guilt me, sent me a letter about how I am a bad Christian because I didn't forgive them, about how I am a bad person because they will never be around my kids, about how I am selfish and immoral, about how I am immature and manipulative, about how I am the scum of the earth..........

I tore it up, burned it, and never felt better.

I am not angry at them, I don't hate them, see the thing is I like myself, and I love my kids, and I'll be damned if anyone is ever going to hurt any of us again.

Why would I forgive them anyway? they didn't change, they didn't appologize, they still say it's my fault. Yeah, all the crap that went on, it's my fault, because a 3 year old can seriously do something to deserve to be burned, beaten and left in a closet for a week..........yeah right.

sorry, had a bad day. ;) disregard any parts of this post that bother you (that goes for anyone)

My dad was a rather unpleasant, violent drunk who made life hell for not only me, but my mum and siblings too.

I've grown up to be an incredibly shy and reclusive person who can't relate or communicate well to people in face to face situations.

The only reason I can function at all is because my mum so great. I owe too much to her and I'll never be able to repay her.

I know where (or in the general area) you are coming from. I finally cut ties with my family a few months ago, I am looking forward to my healthy abuse free life.

They tried to guilt me, sent me a letter about how I am a bad Christian because I didn't forgive them, about how I am a bad person because they will never be around my kids, about how I am selfish and immoral, about how I am immature and manipulative, about how I am the scum of the earth..........

I tore it up, burned it, and never felt better.

I am not angry at them, I don't hate them, see the thing is I like myself, and I love my kids, and I'll be damned if anyone is ever going to hurt any of us again.

Why would I forgive them anyway? they didn't change, they didn't appologize, they still say it's my fault. Yeah, all the crap that went on, it's my fault, because a 3 year old can seriously do something to deserve to be burned, beaten and left in a closet for a week..........yeah right.

sorry, had a bad day. ;) disregard any parts of this post that bother you (that goes for anyone)



I got the same kind of thing from my parents "yes, we made a few mistakes, but money was tight, and you did this, that, and the other thing, blah, blah, blah." That's not an apology, it's a rationalization. I pretty much gave up on them at that point. And don't apologize, Smunkee. Your feelings are totally legitimate, and quite understandable. Nothing you said bothered me, and even if it had, you were still justified in saying it.