NationStates Jolt Archive

I have come to this point, a place where I no longer want to be.

I don't know anything anymore, what I am or why I am. I cannot now be sure of myself, my own worldview and my beliefs. My mind is now in a deep conflict, one that tears down all my past certainties and one where I cannot see a path ahead for my own piece of mind.

Everything about me is now in flux. I no longer like or am interested in my job, yet I don't know whether I want to leave or what type of job I want to go to. So I am stuck there. I also don't know whether the life choices I made were the right ones, now I am desolate and feel so empty.

All my political and philosophical beliefs, ones that I held with great passion and certainty are now void and I feel like I cannot come to believing anything anymore.

In short, I feel my whole 23 years of life was been wasted, wasted chances and wasted perspectives. I feel cold, dead, empty and sick (mentally speaking).

I really now feel like just doing what I think could be the only solution, ending this nightmare I am now in, for I see no chance of me waking up from this nightmare.

life is vague and uncertain, it's a fact. If you don't like your life, change it, if you can't change it learn to like it.

You are 23, you can start over now and still have enough time to finish well.

The past is the past, you can't change it, the future may not come, so don't worry about it. The present is all you have, make things acceptable now.

there probably IS a way out of this nightmare. call your local suicide hotline. its in the phone book.

dont give up without reaching out for help from professionals. they can help you turn this around and make life worth living again.

Oh, my darling, please don't!

Life is terrible and hard. People fuck up all the time, and other people fuck us over.

Sometimes people make bad decisions and mistakes. Its okay, life is full of second chances, opportunities to correct those mistakes.

I felt the same way you do now several months ago. But I held on, which I realize now is good, cuz there are so many people i wouldve missed having around, like my sisters. And there are incredible new people I've met since then. I'm happy I didn't give up the opportunity to experience all this.

Please, try to hold on. Call someone who you love, a parent, sibling, close friend, anyone that you care deeply about. You might've forgotten how much a lot of people care for you.

If you're thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking, this might help:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Has anything specific happened to make you feel this way, or is it a random shift in your thinking?

From a religious viepoint I wouldnt encourage suicide, nor from a personal viewpoint would I. The internet is a wonderful thing with wild throbbing gums but it is not a place to ask for help. Real life is where you should be discussing this.....

From a religious viepoint I wouldnt encourage suicide, nor from a personal viewpoint would I. The internet is a wonderful thing with wild throbbing gums but it is not a place to ask for help. Real life is where you should be discussing this.....

I am an atheist, so the life after death issue is a non-issue for me.

Even if hell existed, I cannot see it being worse than what I have now, what is hell compared to life.

I am an atheist, so the life after death issue is a non-issue for me.

Even if hell existed, I cannot see it being worse than what I have now, what is hell compared to life.

Don't kid yourself life can be worse than the nightmarish fevered dreams of a god that made Slough.

I am an atheist, so the life after death issue is a non-issue for me.

Even if hell existed, I cannot see it being worse than what I have now, what is hell compared to life.
it's worse. Even if there is not a hell, how does not existing at all sit with you? surely there is something redeeming in this life, something in the world worth living for, even if you don't have it now, something worth working for?

just because your life sucks, doesn't mean you should die, maybe you should get a new life.

think about it, what would your dream life look like? if you had a life that didn't have all of the problems you have now what would it look like?

Has anything specific happened to make you feel this way, or is it a random shift in your thinking?

A sudden yet general and all encompassing shift of perception.

I have always felt low, depressed and I generally have grown sick of people and now I hate them, I just cannot cope with anyone now.

Yet my own faith in myself kept me going, up until the last few days, where I have now fallen into a mental abyss.

I am an atheist, so the life after death issue is a non-issue for me.

Even if hell existed, I cannot see it being worse than what I have now, what is hell compared to life.


lol yes I was just talking about my own viewpoint - karma and whatnot - obviously for you its not a deterrent. I was just saying that I would not reccommend it, though I imagine you dont care about my opinions. All I would say is that it always gets better, always. Theres no point offing yourself just before everything comes good. And before you say 'but it wont come good!' how do you know it wont?

I'm unsure what I can say, other than that I can empathise with what you're feeling as a whole, whilst I wouldn't say that my beliefs are void, I am in a state of some disillusionment. So yeah, you're not alone, really.

But don't think it's the end because you're 23 and you don't know where you are or where you're going. You're still young, and still in a position to do whatever you feel like if you really put your mind to it. You don't know what you want? Take a holiday somewhere different and unwind for a bit, maybe? It'll probably come to you soon enough.

Funny, me giving that advice, but hey, it's what other people say to me, so there might be some truth behind it. :p

I have come to this point, a place where I no longer want to be.

I don't know anything anymore, what I am or why I am. I cannot now be sure of myself, my own worldview and my beliefs. My mind is now in a deep conflict, one that tears down all my past certainties and one where I cannot see a path ahead for my own piece of mind.

Everything about me is now in flux. I no longer like or am interested in my job, yet I don't know whether I want to leave or what type of job I want to go to. So I am stuck there. I also don't know whether the life choices I made were the right ones, now I am desolate and feel so empty.

All my political and philosophical beliefs, ones that I held with great passion and certainty are now void and I feel like I cannot come to believing anything anymore.

In short, I feel my whole 23 years of life was been wasted, wasted chances and wasted perspectives. I feel cold, dead, empty and sick (mentally speaking).

I really now feel like just doing what I think could be the only solution, ending this nightmare I am now in, for I see no chance of me waking up from this nightmare.

A great deal of my 20s was spent on an uncertain, depressing, confusing rollercoaster of real highs and low lows.
There was a time when all the choices I made were the wrong ones, despite advice and I paid the price many times.
I cant say I know exactly how you feel, but I know when I was down, it was really, really bad.

I can only suggest that maybe in the near future, you will look back on this time and be glad you're over it. Maybe laugh at it too.
I will also say that it is probably a good idea for you to get in touch or better in person with a friend or family member, if possible and just talk-you dont have to get into detail over how you feel right now if you dont want to, but the interaction could likely take the edge off of the despair, or distract you from it.
If that isnt possible, I would tell you to call a suicide hotline and talk it out. Someone else's perspective might help clarify things and validate how you feel.

Best wishes, hope you find some answers and comfort with yourself.

You're still too young to know who you are yet-everything can change.

I'm 39 and I dont think I've found myself yet. It is tough when you are married and have three kids to be floating and uncertain.

You have the greatest luxury of youth and hopefully, still only responsible to yourself alone.
Good luck.

A sudden yet general and all encompassing shift of perception.

I have always felt low, depressed and I generally have grown sick of people and now I hate them, I just cannot cope with anyone now.

Yet my own faith in myself kept me going, up until the last few days, where I have now fallen into a mental abyss.
I have faith in you

Don't worry, it's normal. By the time you're 30 you've gotten used to it. Then you really start to enjoy yourself.

Bah, as I already said in another thread, I never know what to say to somebody in a situation as yours. But I would feel bad about not saying anything at all and just continuing with the fluff threads, so I'll at least say that I really, really hope you'll get help ASAP (people above have already given you some info on whom maybe to contact) and please try to remember that things can (and will) actually get better, even if that seems utterly impossible right now. *hugs*

Hold on!
There are things left to see and do. It will get better. Life isn't perfect, but you have to be there for the highlights.

I hope you get to see how it's supposed to turn out :)

Best of luck to you.

You can't die! What will happen to the Humanist State? :(
Get professional help and counselling. Put it this way: if there is no afterlife, then life is pointless. However, that justifies living too. If you're sceptical about your life choices, console yourself with the fact that it doesn't matter. You've only got one life- you may as well make the most of it.

> snip insipidness <
Funny how everybody else posting here does, then, isn't it?

crud

*chuckles at the location*

I wonder how five year olds get into the US army...

A sudden yet general and all encompassing shift of perception.

I have always felt low, depressed and I generally have grown sick of people and now I hate them, I just cannot cope with anyone now.

Yet my own faith in myself kept me going, up until the last few days, where I have now fallen into a mental abyss.
Talk to a therapist as soon as possible. What's wrong is not your life. What's wrong is a chemical imbalance in your brain, quite possibly brought on by an environmental factor well beyond your control.

I have come to this point, a place where I no longer want to be.

I don't know anything anymore, what I am or why I am. I cannot now be sure of myself, my own worldview and my beliefs. My mind is now in a deep conflict, one that tears down all my past certainties and one where I cannot see a path ahead for my own piece of mind.

Everything about me is now in flux. I no longer like or am interested in my job, yet I don't know whether I want to leave or what type of job I want to go to. So I am stuck there. I also don't know whether the life choices I made were the right ones, now I am desolate and feel so empty.

All my political and philosophical beliefs, ones that I held with great passion and certainty are now void and I feel like I cannot come to believing anything anymore.

In short, I feel my whole 23 years of life was been wasted, wasted chances and wasted perspectives. I feel cold, dead, empty and sick (mentally speaking).

I really now feel like just doing what I think could be the only solution, ending this nightmare I am now in, for I see no chance of me waking up from this nightmare.
wow, you sound just like me when i was at uni last year. no joke... i could have written exactly that 12 months ago. you might be able to empathise with some of my depressing (yes, "emo"-esque) poetry here (http://www.hlj.me.uk/mywriting.htm) (written, for the most part, when i felt like you describe)

my only advice to you, after trying to 'end the nightmare' myself, is that it will end by itself. time is your friend, not the faceless monster ahead of you. things will become clearer given time - i can promise you that.

it sounds like you're in a very bad place, mentally, and you need help. it sounds to me like depression - certainly the kind of circular, downward and inwardly spiraling thoughts of a depressed mind - and by help i don't necessarily mean medication or therapy. the first thing you should do is let the people who care about you know how you feel, and try to explain to them how lost and confused you are. try moving back in with your family and get some TLC, and take time out to reassess your life and priorities. it worked for me :) i'm much happier than i was a year ago. i'm still confused about a lot of things, still questioning a lot, and i still just can't think about some things without getting very down again, but in just 1 year (which isn't long out of my life) i've managed to reassess things and make sense of a world that was alien to me previously


good luck :)

MODEDIT: Do not flame the troll

I understand completly how you feel,I have suffered from depression and I know that it feels like it will never end and and that things will never get better.
Dont worry, it will, every day I get better and things become easier for me, and the same will hapen to you.
It will end and you will get better!
Dont do anything like hutring or trying to kill your self.I tried and I regret it.
Evry day that you try to get help things will get better.Go and see your doctor and see if there is any medication you could be on to tie you over(meds arent the answer, but put it this way-you have to put out a fire before you can redecorate, councillibng will helpyou redecorate!)
Your 23, the same age as me!you can cope, things will get better,and when you are better(I say when not if)you will apriciate your life and everything in it more than you can possibly imagine!
Its worth going on, its hard, so very very hard, but you only have one life.
I know these words may seem empty, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart,I hope you deciede to go on with life, and then maybe one day you can give advice to someone like yourself, and help them out.
Good luck, and take care.:)

As an atheist, you must understand that there aren’t a lot of alternatives to living your life. To that end, I suggest you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Reassess what you want to do for work. Go to a career counselor. Definitely, go see a professional to explore the possibility of you needing to be treated for depression.

Incidentally, if you’re 23 and haven’t discovered that your belief systems change and are modifiable then you haven’t been trying hard enough. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and crack a book or two. Pick up a hobby or two. Go on date with someone or two.

A very wise person once told me that “you can feel as bad as you want for as long as you want, but not a second more”.

Best wishes,

SC

Please, please don't do anything rash. Life will eventually get better, the pain of whatever occured to bring this on will, if not cease, at least dull and life will move on. It's always hard when you're entire view of the world shifts from what you've grown used to, but that doesn't mean the world is ending. It just means there is something else out there to look forwards to learning.

I know this post probably won't make any difference, but please at least seek some Real Life help from a doctor or a psychiatrist and wait a while to make sure this isn't just your brain playing chemical tricks on yourself before doing anything you'll regret forever.

Hi Kravania,
I have come to this point, a place where I no longer want to be.
your situation isn't unique. everyone gets to that point sooner or later. fortunatly, you hit this point relatively early in life. granted you're probably sick of hearing that but it is true. if you want to take some advice from one who's been there.
I don't know anything anymore, what I am or why I am. I cannot now be sure of myself, my own worldview and my beliefs. My mind is now in a deep conflict, one that tears down all my past certainties and one where I cannot see a path ahead for my own piece of mind.
[edited: shifted the following paragraph up]
All my political and philosophical beliefs, ones that I held with great passion and certainty are now void and I feel like I cannot come to believing anything anymore.this is not a time for dispare but the opportunity for self awareness and deep reflection. sounds Zen but it's true, now you are becoming your own person and you need to find out where you stand and what you believe in. now, the interesting thing is, this is an exciting time for you. for now, you will be discovering you. consider it a mental house cleaning. where you are tearing away the bad wallpapers, getting rid of the old furniture and truely seeing where you live for the first time. it's hard, and can be very NOT PRETTY, but it is an eye opening experience. this is also a time where you will find your personal truths and philosophies.
Everything about me is now in flux. I no longer like or am interested in my job, yet I don't know whether I want to leave or what type of job I want to go to. So I am stuck there. I also don't know whether the life choices I made were the right ones, now I am desolate and feel so empty.exploration is the key now. while society requires some form of income, I would suggest sticking to your job, but explore and try new things. see where your interests have shifted to and never be afraid to learn.
In short, I feel my whole 23 years of life was been wasted, wasted chances and wasted perspectives. I feel cold, dead, empty and sick (mentally speaking). It's only a waste if you refuse to change. I'm 35 and considering a major shift in not only living location, but careers as well. it's never too late to change. just plan it out and try new things before making a committment.

I really now feel like just doing what I think could be the only solution, ending this nightmare I am now in, for I see no chance of me waking up from this nightmare."Ending it all" WILL make your short 23 years of life a waste.

I am an atheist, so the life after death issue is a non-issue for me.

Even if hell existed, I cannot see it being worse than what I have now, what is hell compared to life.

Ah, but there is the chance, however small, that you can turn your life around. If you die, it is forever.

Do you want to be stuck as you are? The fact that you ever believed strongly or were interested means that you can be again.

Keep trying. It'll be worth it. I know where you're at.

A lot of things you probably won't be able to see now, however much we tell you them. The main thing is to try and cling on to any hope you can find in yourself, or in other people. I've seen situations like this improve, both first-hand and second-hand. The same can be true for you. You can look back, and be so very glad you kept going.

You haven't wasted 23 years. Those years will go towards making you who you are. They'll give you experiences that can help you be stronger, to learn about yourself, to make you more empathetic towards others, to help you make better decisions in the future. Whether those effects kick in now or not, if you choose to, you can use our experiences for good to help you in all areas of your life.

The vast majority of people go through feeling like this, at some point, to some extent. You're not totally alone in these feelings, and you're allowed to feel this way. It doesn't make you a bad person, or a weak person, and isn't how you're going to always feel. You're allowed to break down and be overwhelmed at times. You need to feel what's going on inside you, and accept that you feel that way, and then find the time to gradually recover.

If you can get any support from family or friends, it can be invaluable. You need people to accept you for you, and people to rely on to be there, and people to talk to and care for you. It can be hard opening up, and hard to let people in, but it's very worthwhile.

Situations can change, and your perspective and plans can change to. Sometimes you can suddenly figure stuff out, and it'll click in your head. Sometimes you can force things, or work things through. It all depends on how your brain works.

I do personally reccomend cognitive therapy for the good it can do in changing the way you think and deal with things. Various medical or psychological help could be useful, though it depends on whether you want that, whether you can access it, and what is the root cause of what's going on.

One tip with thinking about jobs is not to look at particular jobs, but look at the features of a job you'd like. Travelling, creativity, the environment to work in, learning new skills, meeting new people, it being reliable, it being exciting, it being part of your life, it being easy to seperate from personal life, it making a direct difference to people, it being something that gains you respect... figuring out things like that is often easier, and can help you then see a job which could include characteristics you desire.
Also, looking at skills you have that aren't qualifications as such, but general skills such as being a good communicator, a quick learner, having good ideas, adapting to new situations, being able to organise things, following instructions well... they can be far more important to a job than qualifications.

Perhaps people who know you or who you work with could give ideas on what they think you'd be good at? Or even seeing a careers guidance counsellor?

There are so many paths your life can take, some that may just happen, and some that you can make happen, and therefore there is hope.

I honestly do wish you all the best (and hopefully my scattered, uneloquent advice will help) :fluffle: If you ever need someone to talk to who won't judge, and who'll understand, just send me a TG.

*chuckles at the location*

I wonder how five year olds get into the US army...

Im not in the Army, my father is, and that is his unit, I will change my location, I did not realize ppl thought I was actually in the Army.

Im not in the Army, my father is, and that is his unit, I will change my location, I did not realize ppl thought I was actually in the Army.

Don't worry, no-one actually did. They have literacy tests, you know.

;)

I have come to this point, a place where I no longer want to be.

I don't know anything anymore, what I am or why I am. I cannot now be sure of myself, my own worldview and my beliefs. My mind is now in a deep conflict, one that tears down all my past certainties and one where I cannot see a path ahead for my own piece of mind.

Everything about me is now in flux. I no longer like or am interested in my job, yet I don't know whether I want to leave or what type of job I want to go to. So I am stuck there. I also don't know whether the life choices I made were the right ones, now I am desolate and feel so empty.

All my political and philosophical beliefs, ones that I held with great passion and certainty are now void and I feel like I cannot come to believing anything anymore.

In short, I feel my whole 23 years of life was been wasted, wasted chances and wasted perspectives. I feel cold, dead, empty and sick (mentally speaking).

I really now feel like just doing what I think could be the only solution, ending this nightmare I am now in, for I see no chance of me waking up from this nightmare.
I felt like that a couple of times in my life. It's definitly no fun at all. The only thing I can suggest to you is the same thing I did myself: don't give up. Dig way down to the survival instinct that is there in all of us, tell your brain to STFU, and just hang on until things change.

It also helped me to get out away from everything and everyone periodically. Fortunately I love backpacking and hiking, and use to go way out into one of the wilderness areas here in North Carolina and just BE. It always put me back in touch with the basics.

Good luck to you, and feel free to talk to me any time. ( HUG )

Im not in the Army, my father is, and that is his unit, I will change my location, I did not realize ppl thought I was actually in the Army.
friendly advice... delete your first post in this thread. any mods looking into this thread may consider that flamebaiting or trolling.

if you did intend that as a joke, delete it anyway.

I have come to this point, a place where I no longer want to be.

I don't know anything anymore, what I am or why I am. I cannot now be sure of myself, my own worldview and my beliefs. My mind is now in a deep conflict, one that tears down all my past certainties and one where I cannot see a path ahead for my own piece of mind.

Everything about me is now in flux. I no longer like or am interested in my job, yet I don't know whether I want to leave or what type of job I want to go to. So I am stuck there. I also don't know whether the life choices I made were the right ones, now I am desolate and feel so empty.

All my political and philosophical beliefs, ones that I held with great passion and certainty are now void and I feel like I cannot come to believing anything anymore.

In short, I feel my whole 23 years of life was been wasted, wasted chances and wasted perspectives. I feel cold, dead, empty and sick (mentally speaking).

I really now feel like just doing what I think could be the only solution, ending this nightmare I am now in, for I see no chance of me waking up from this nightmare.


:eek: http://forums.jadedsouls.net/images/smilies/emo.gif


But seriously things will get better, they always do!