Mikesburg
19-07-2006, 14:57
There is a good possibility that I may be pursuing a career change in the near future, and I am in the midst of writing up a resume, and shopping around for a new and exciting career.
Would Al-Qaeda take a resume? Do you think it pays well? Who would I give the resume to?
Below, I've included my cover letter;
Dear Mr. Bin Laden (or faithful sub-ordinate),
I am a dedicated and hard-working individual interested in the exciting new career path of global jihad. I believe this is an industry with amazing growth potential, and I'm willing to use my many talents to further both your industry and my own career.
Let me first say, Mr. Bin Laden, that I while I am not a Muslim, neither am I a practitioner of any other religion. That being said, I am willing to work for less than the advertised recruit price of 72 virgins in the afterlife. I am willing to work for 20% less than the advertised price, in return for a 20% initial up-front recruitment fee. This means, that in return for 14.4 virgins up-front, I would be willing to take a remaing 43.2 virgins upon 'completion' of the job. This would be an overall savings for the industry, allowing you to take in more employees to meet your target objectives.
With that savings goal in mind, let me also tell you about my career strengths. I have been in the moving industry for several years. While this may seem innocuous, the truth is that I am very familiar with customs requirements internationally, and between Canada and the US. I myself, have travelled across the US/Canadian border on many occasions, many times while I was asleep in the sleeping berth of a tractor-trailer! I am familiar with some of the tools of the jihadist trade, including box-cutters. I have also dealt with many international shipping companies, many of which operate out of Islamic countries, and am familiar with their operations as well.
You may have noticed difficulties in trying to penetrate 'fortress America' since 9/11. A large part of this is due to racial profiling. Let me assure you that I am a card-carrying 'white boy', and a declared political 'centrist'. I am short, unassuming and not likely to be taken as a threat by any sort of authority figure. Also note, that while I have never flown a plane, I don't doubt my ability to strategically crash one into the building of your choice.
Please note, that this is simply a business request, as I have no extreme political leanings of any sort. I have sent a similar letter to Pat Robertson, although I believe there are more virgins available in global jihad vs. christian fundamentalism.
I eagerly await your reply,
Mike. S. Burg
Would Al-Qaeda take a resume? Do you think it pays well? Who would I give the resume to?
Below, I've included my cover letter;
Dear Mr. Bin Laden (or faithful sub-ordinate),
I am a dedicated and hard-working individual interested in the exciting new career path of global jihad. I believe this is an industry with amazing growth potential, and I'm willing to use my many talents to further both your industry and my own career.
Let me first say, Mr. Bin Laden, that I while I am not a Muslim, neither am I a practitioner of any other religion. That being said, I am willing to work for less than the advertised recruit price of 72 virgins in the afterlife. I am willing to work for 20% less than the advertised price, in return for a 20% initial up-front recruitment fee. This means, that in return for 14.4 virgins up-front, I would be willing to take a remaing 43.2 virgins upon 'completion' of the job. This would be an overall savings for the industry, allowing you to take in more employees to meet your target objectives.
With that savings goal in mind, let me also tell you about my career strengths. I have been in the moving industry for several years. While this may seem innocuous, the truth is that I am very familiar with customs requirements internationally, and between Canada and the US. I myself, have travelled across the US/Canadian border on many occasions, many times while I was asleep in the sleeping berth of a tractor-trailer! I am familiar with some of the tools of the jihadist trade, including box-cutters. I have also dealt with many international shipping companies, many of which operate out of Islamic countries, and am familiar with their operations as well.
You may have noticed difficulties in trying to penetrate 'fortress America' since 9/11. A large part of this is due to racial profiling. Let me assure you that I am a card-carrying 'white boy', and a declared political 'centrist'. I am short, unassuming and not likely to be taken as a threat by any sort of authority figure. Also note, that while I have never flown a plane, I don't doubt my ability to strategically crash one into the building of your choice.
Please note, that this is simply a business request, as I have no extreme political leanings of any sort. I have sent a similar letter to Pat Robertson, although I believe there are more virgins available in global jihad vs. christian fundamentalism.
I eagerly await your reply,
Mike. S. Burg