NationStates Jolt Archive

Okay, here is a POSSIBLE beginning for my story. The story is supposed to be funny and a bit inane at times, and this just seemed like the perfect beginning to it. If it sounds like I was smoking something when I wrote this... well... it's based of parts of dreams I've had.

It'd dusk in the woods, cool and dark. I see a building up ahead-it looks like an igloo, only made out of concrete instead of ice. It has a spotlight flashing above it and the light says EVIL HIGH- no, CAROTANK HIGH. Carotank High-? I don't go to Carotank High- wait, CAROTANK COUNTY HIGH. I don't live in Carotank County or go to its high school- I live two hours away. Wait, now it's DRACULA'S LAIR HIGH.
What?! Oh Lord...
I'm in my dad's car, driving toward the igloo-school. My parents are driving me to school on my first day of ninth grade. All of a sudden some really annoying Britney Spears song comes on the radio and my mom starts doing some type of weird dance to it. That's really odd- Mom HATES Britney Spears.
I hop out of the truck and into a Harry Potter movie. I can still hear "you're toxic, I'm slippin' under..." even though Mom and Dad have driven off already.
...Oh my God, there is a GIANT CALICO CAT OPENING ITS MOUTH TO EAT ME ALIVE-
"Good morning, Prudence, this is 93.7 Bob FM with you on this fine day of August 22nd. This is Bob wishing every kid out there good luck on their first day of school..."
Ugh. That's why Britney Spears was playing inmy dream, so early in the morning. My cat, Shadow, is laying next to me, like she always does.
And today is the first day of school, for real.

Is this a good beginning...? There is more to it, but I haven't added it yet.

that left me quite confused

maybe make the dream sequence a bit shorter?

Sorry bout that. There is more to the first chapter than that, but it's supposed to be a weird dream. I hope I don't have to go back to the drawing board... :(

That's a great beginning.. for an acid trip.

GRRR!!! :headbang:

It's not suuposed to resemble an acid trip! It's a dream! (There is more, I promise!) :headbang:

Please don't make me go back to the drawing board..

Non-sensical dreams don't make good stories.

its way too confusing and poorly told

sure its a dream, so the above makes sense, but its not good for a beggining

maybe you can put it in somewhere else

Maybe it's not the dream itself, but the quick-disjointed style that you wrote it in. Slow it down a bit, be a little more descriptive, and then convey to the reader that you are dreaming.

Non-sensical dreams don't make good stories.


like dude wheres my car

Awwww..... back to the drawing board then... :(


:headbang:

Maybe it's not the dream itself, but the quick-disjointed style that you wrote it in. Slow it down a bit, be a little more descriptive, and then convey to the reader that you are dreaming.

I agree. Set the scene. You'd be overloading the reader with too much information too soon. Never a good thing.

like dude wheres my car

DUDE!!!!!:D

So... here's the possibilities of the first chapter.

1. Ginny gets new school stuff with her mom.
2. She has a weird dream.
3. It's the first day of high school.

Which one's the best?

I agree. Set the scene. You'd be overloading the reader with too much information too soon. Never a good thing.

Alright... I want to start the story with the dream, because it would set up Ginny's character later. I'll try to set the scene a little better.

not 2, way too confusing

1 or 3 coudl work well

get the reader to know the setting

i think Ginny should get detention for a stupid reason and while there is thinking about how much she likes/dislikes her new school and convay some of the differances in her world to ours...if its a kids book dont make the hints too subtle!

maybe if you really love the dream scene you could have her fall asleep there?

I didn't understand it.

i think Ginny should get detention for a stupid reason and while there is thinking about how much she likes/dislikes her new school and convay some of the differances in her world to ours...if its a kids book dont make the hints too subtle!

maybe if you really love the dream scene you could have her fall asleep there?

Well, I could have her fall asleep. I love the dream scene far too much, but having Ginny in detention wouldn't seem right, as this is set BEFORE school starts, so no detention. However...

Okay, new sequence. 1) Ginny gets new school stuff. 2) Ginny falls asleep and has the weird dream. 3) Ginny wakes up and goes to school. I think I like the story starting just before school starts.

You lost me at "EVIL HIGH".

You lost me at "EVIL HIGH".

Arg.... :(