NationStates Jolt Archive

Your in a room with however many 5 year olds and each has 1 days worth of group-combat training. How many do you think you could take on before being overwhelmed?

For me, I'd say 50 or 60.

Your in a room with however many 5 year olds and each has 1 days worth of group-combat training. How many do you think you could take on before being overwhelmed?

For me, I'd say 50 or 60.

Bye-bye.

What sort of weapons am I permitted?

Do I get a bat?
Five year olds can be very nasty, because they bite, are not afraid to go against the nether-regions, and are small, so they're harder to hit.

Your in a room with however many 5 year olds and each has 1 days worth of group-combat training. How many do you think you could take on before being overwhelmed?

For me, I'd say 50 or 60.
Dude, have you ever actually been in a room with a 5 year old? I think it would take at least three full-trained combat soldiers to take down a motivated 5 year old.

Hell, let's just deploy our nation's kindergartens the next time somebody fucks with us. It'll be the shortest war ever (no pun intended).

Well, is it one on one? Or is it all of them versus you.... a la ninja films?

5 year olds are really cheap,

if I decend to that level

I assume 20 or 30

Do not underestimate them, they will bury you with sheer numbers

Dude, have you ever actually been in a room with a 5 year old? I think it would take at least three full-trained combat soldiers to take down a motivated 5 year old.

Hell, let's just deploy our nation's kindergartens the next time somebody fucks with us. It'll be the shortest war ever (no pun intended).
Give them a couple Mountain Dews.

Everything is hand to hand. And it is you versus them.

A friend of mine asked me this question before and allI could think was wtf... So I figured it was perfectly appropriate for the forum. :p

14 is about the max that I've been able to handle, though we were deployed in groups of two to combat the 5 year old threat.

Hell, let's just deploy our nation's kindergartens the next time somebody fucks with us. It'll be the shortest war ever (no pun intended).

Hells yes!:eek:

There's nothing about this thread I don't like.

Everything is hand to hand. And it is you versus them.

A friend of mine asked me this question before and allI could think was wtf... So I figured it was perfectly appropriate for the forum. :p


Will I be given time to improvise a shank? What about using objects from the enviroment as weapons? Desks, chairs, moniters...

i think if i had to survive a room of 50 5 year olds i would make them all cry (which isnt hard to do) then in their moment of weakness render them all uncounscious.

i may not be able to take them all out but ill be able to take down at least 25-30 while theyre crying.

Will I be given time to improvise a shank? What about using objects from the enviroment as weapons? Desks, chairs, moniters...
Incompacitated 5 year olds.

i could manage the sum total of about 15 5 yearolds

i think if i had to survive a room of 50 5 year olds i would make them all cry (which isnt hard to do) .

Guess what kids?

SANTA AIN'T REAL!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

There's nothing about this thread I don't like.

me too

i think if i had to survive a room of 50 5 year olds i would make them all cry (which isnt hard to do) then in their moment of weakness render them all uncounscious.

i may not be able to take them all out but ill be able to take down at least 25-30 while theyre crying.
brilliant strategy

"You're adopted and your parents dont love you!"

Guess what kids?

SANTA AIN'T REAL!

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


i was going to do the old your parents dont love you and they now believe in abortion (then of course explaining to a 5 year old what abortion is...mak eem cry some more), but the santa one works too.

It doesent matter. I could beat them all at once by saying the following:

Guess what kids? Santa isn't real!

Wear a cup, whatever you do.

brilliant strategy

"You're adopted and your parents dont love you!"

i used to have to watch my 5 little cousins a lot. sometimes you gotta be cruel to take control of those little bastards.

Not alot. I just can't hit children.

I don’t know. What kind of five years olds? The uber-hyper kind or the "how are they already that fat" kind?

I don’t know. What kind of five years olds? The uber-hyper kind or the "how are they already that fat" kind?


there are non hyper 5 year olds?

the only non hyper 5 year old is a sleeping 5 year old.

5 year olds? 5 year olds are easy they are begining to use logic which means it would be pretty easy to convince them with faulty logic and they would never know the difference, if it sounds almost right according to them "that's the way it is"

now, 3 year olds.......that's a whole other story, you can't negotiate with a 3 year old, you just can't.

now, 3 year olds.......that's a whole other story, you can't negotiate with a 3 year old, you just can't.


no you cant, but you can tickle them until they wet themselves...that works.

no you cant, but you can tickle them until they wet themselves...that works.
ah, but you have to catch them first, 3 year olds are unbelievably fast and agile, they are not easy to catch ;)

ah, but you have to catch them first, 3 year olds are unbelievably fast and agile, they are not easy to catch ;)

No they aren't easy to catch. I'm too old to go chasing them around... too dang old... back in my day...*yawn*....all we got was...*yaawwwnnn*...a lump of coal....*snore*...zzzzzzzzz.

ah, but you have to catch them first, 3 year olds are unbelievably fast and agile, they are not easy to catch ;)


i never had a problem. you need to always have them in an environment that you know better than them.

There's nothing about this thread I don't like.

:D

Btw to those that asked, its a room nevermind the size and all the kids have been trained to work together in combat, for 1 day. So as much as theyll learn n remember to use after 1 day is it. N theur just normal 5 year olds.

i never had a problem. you need to always have them in an environment that you know better than them.
ah, or be really in shape, yesterday I went to the zoo with the class I teach in the fall, yeah there is nothing like going to the zoo with 12 three year olds.......

:headbang:

why can't they just hang on to the stupid rope??!!!???? they did it when they were two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

never again, never ever ever again

tomorrow I go with the 5 year olds, it's going to be so much better *loves living in denial*

there are non hyper 5 year olds?

the only non hyper 5 year old is a sleeping 5 year old.
Oh, the fat ones are hyper too, they just vomit more than normal as a result of always having a full stomach.

ah, or be really in shape, yesterday I went to the zoo with the class I teach in the fall, yeah there is nothing like going to the zoo with 12 three year olds.......

:headbang:

why can't they just hang on to the stupid rope??!!!???? they did it when they were two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

never again, never ever ever again

tomorrow I go with the 5 year olds, it's going to be so much better *loves living in denial*

Did you lose one in the polar bear enclosure?

"One, two, three, four.... wait... where's Timmy...."
*Distant scream*
"Oh crap......"

If every single muscle in my body was not working except from my little finger, i could take on 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999^999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999x9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999

5 year olds.

Any day

Did you lose one in the polar bear enclosure?

"One, two, three, four.... wait... where's Timmy...."
*Distant scream*
"Oh crap......"
no, I did lose one for about 5 minutes until I remembered that I didn't start out with him anyway, apparently when I was "taking roll" after the snake house, I just went through the list and didn't realize that Robert wasn't even on the trip with us....

:p

got NO help from the other kids "did anyone see Robert?"
and a chorus from them "yes Ms Joey, we saw him by the Boa"

they knew damn well he wasn't with us, they were screwing with me.....

no, I did lose one for about 5 minutes until I remembered that I didn't start out with him anyway, apparently when I was "taking roll" after the snake house, I just went through the list and didn't realize that Robert wasn't even on the trip with us....

:p

got NO help from the other kids "did anyone see Robert?"
and a chorus from them "yes Ms Joey, we saw him by the Boa"

they knew damn well he wasn't with us, they were screwing with me.....

haha, kids are so sweet

*clinging to the doorjamb as they drag me into the Room*

:eek: :eek: No! No! Not the Five-Year-Olds! Please, I'll tell you anything! Everything! :eek: :eek:

If every single muscle in my body was not working except from my little finger, i could take on 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999^999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999x9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999

5 year olds.

Any day

Yeah, right. You'd be praying for death to come after the third child....:eek:

Yeah, right. You'd be praying for death to come after the third child....:eek:
After the third "Why?" from the first child.

It's a difficult thing to put numbers on really. In swarms, 5-year-old's with a day's combat training are potentially quite a threat to a single unarmed individual. Without the use of rocks, or some blunt instrument, you would still need a significant number of 5 year olds to be victorious.

The strategy for the 5 year olds would have to be to swarm you, and pin you down with sheer weight of numbers, while relentlessly pounding on you until you go unconscious. This is much easier with a large rock, however we've already ascertained that this is completely hand-to-hand.

So how heavy is the average 5 year old? One could assume that you can temporarily eliminate a good 5 or 6 of them from the equation with a solid punch or kick as they begin to swarm, but once the weight of numbers comes crushing in...

I'd have to say, any more than 15 5-year-old's would be too much to handle.

Huh. Never asked myself that question.

But it sounds a lot like fighting zombies... I don't believe that once you have 3 of the buggers clinging to each leg and maybe another 2-3 on the arms you'll be able to do much, the movements will be impaired, and after that it's over with, they start jumping your neck, and you know you're in trouble!!!

[Why would I want to fight 5-year-olds anyway? Can't I just teach'em?!?]

*clinging to the doorjamb as they drag me into the Room*

:eek: :eek: No! No! Not the Five-Year-Olds! Please, I'll tell you anything! Everything! :eek: :eek:

THEN FREAKIN' TALK!

The Fed's don't have all day...;)

Well, is it one on one? Or is it all of them versus you.... a la ninja films?
I'm picturing Kill Bill...

I have to say, Mikesburg is probably right in capping it at around 15... I have been knocked over before by only half a dozen of the little buggers (though I was trying to avoid injuring any of them, so I was somewhat hampered in what I could do). I suppose that I could run around the room a fair amount and keep myself from getting overwhelmed. I'm about 6 foot, 180 lbs (I think that comes out to something along the lines of 180 cm, 80 kg).

Oh, one thing that wasn't mentioned yet: The five year olds will be chosen and trained by me. http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/teufel/devil-smiley-024.gif

Oh, one thing that wasn't mentioned yet: The five year olds will be chosen and trained by me. http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/teufel/devil-smiley-024.gif
Then the answer drops to 0. I'll simply refuse to have any children in the room for they would be http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/evil.gif

i think if i had to survive a room of 50 5 year olds i would make them all cry (which isnt hard to do) then in their moment of weakness render them all uncounscious.

i may not be able to take them all out but ill be able to take down at least 25-30 while theyre crying.

Makin 5yos cry? No prob. Already did so today.

I just started contemplating tactics and training regimen. Has anybody ever read 'Ender's Game?' They will be kind of like those kids. Only evil.

Oh, one thing that wasn't mentioned yet: The five year olds will be chosen and trained by me. http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/teufel/devil-smiley-024.gif

That's the group of kids I wouldn't take on - I'd join 'em... :D

Makin 5yos cry? No prob. Already did so today.

its way too easy to do.

That's the group of kids I wouldn't take on - I'd join 'em... :D

See, this is why I think I'd make a superb Secretary of Education. :)

its way too easy to do.

That's it. Piss em off. :p

its way too easy to do.

When you're the big "scary and weird" looking guy it's not hard at all. (And I've been known to cause even adults to cry - 'tis all a matter of knowing that, for example, my big strong half Maori firend is super homesick and missing his family - especially his 3 yo daughter. Didn't even intend that one...)

That's it. Piss em off. :p

when a child cries he/she is at their weakest point, simply take advantage and render unconscious.....or tickle them till they piss their pants, which makes them cry once again, and repeat.

Lou: I don’t feel right clubbing women and children, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: I hear ya. Some days are tougher than others. Just close your eyes and club. ...This is it boys, we’ll have to tummy kiss our way out!

http://www.tv.com/episode/242858/summary.html

If every single muscle in my body was not working except from my little finger, i could take on 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999^999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999x9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 9999999

5 year olds.

Any day

Considering that means you can't breath or eat or pump blood, I doubt that.

Hmmm...All it really takes is a good backhand...

Easily 50+

Will I be given time to improvise a shank? What about using objects from the enviroment as weapons? Desks, chairs, moniters...

Your best deal would be to actually take a 5-years old by the legs and use him as a blunt weapon.

i would say is be able to take a few down but then i would be trying not to seriously hurt them and they'd cop the weakness and overpower me!

i would say is be able to take a few down but then i would be trying not to seriously hurt them and they'd cop the weakness and overpower me!
Me too, the first one that started crying and I'd be down under a pile of ... *shudder*

Me too, the first one that started crying and I'd be down under a pile of ... *shudder*
yup first of all we'd have to deal with our shame issues...you know...get over that fact that its wrong to it a child!

yup first of all we'd have to deal with our shame issues...you know...get over that fact that its wrong to it a child!
Yeah ... *sniff* ... :D I just imagine what my parents would have said about all this never hitting your kid. I and my sibs got spanked when we were kids and we're okay. Except for those occasional periods of six or seven days every few months when I can't remember what I've been doing, or how I got to that isolated cabin the woods, the one with the strange piles of freshly-dug earth ...

Yeah ... *sniff* ... :D I just imagine what my parents would have said about all this never hitting your kid. I and my sibs got spanked when we were kids and we're okay. Except for those occasional periods of six or seven days every few months when I can't remember what I've been doing, or how I got to that isolated cabin the woods, the one with the strange piles of freshly-dug earth ...
:eek:

:eek:
Uhm ... I didn't really mean to stop the thread. :(

you guys have it all wrong. when faced with a room of alot of 5-year olds, you start singing the Barney song. then go through all the kid songs you can think of, including "Gooey, Grimey, Gopher Guts" and "Nobody likes me" and while they are having a grand ole time singing and dancing, you pick up one and start clubing the others with em.

you guys have it all wrong. when faced with a room of alot of 5-year olds, you start singing the Barney song. then go through all the kid songs you can think of, including "Gooey, Grimey, Gopher Guts" and "Nobody likes me" and while they are having a grand ole time singing and dancing, you pick up one and start clubing the others with em.
*actually laughing out loud (and hoping no one sitting nearby hears me)* Had me going there, JuNii!

Why not tell them to spin around really fast? That usually works, and they'll go down on their own.

Uhm ... I didn't really mean to stop the thread. :(
you didnt i think people are just running out of ideas to beat up 5yr olds?:fluffle:

you didnt i think people are just running out of ideas to beat up 5yr olds?:fluffle:
Shall we move up to First-Graders? :fluffle:

are these boys or girls we are beating up?coz if boys...i doubt that they'd be wear cups!:D

are these boys or girls we are beating up?coz if boys...i doubt that they'd be wear cups!:Dbut they don't fly as far when you connect...





I suspect.

but they don't fly as far when you connect...





I suspect.

maybe...some of them can be stocky wee bastards!OMG im starting to get into it now!!

This kinda already happened to me, in a way. In the 5th grade, I was walking home with a friend and out of no where 5 or 6 3rd graders (maybe 2, i dont know, it was a long time ago) jumped us. My memory of what happened to my friend is fuzzy, but what I did I have never forgotten (This is like 6 years ago). They tackled us to the lawn of someone, holding down our legs. We were able to fight our way back to the ground. My friend and I ran across the street, no plan but to run, and when I got there, I found a pop-from [(sp?) (The big leaves of pop trees)] and because they were wearing shorts, the razor edges were very effetive. They ran off, I chased em a little ways, and continued home. :D

I love telling that story. :p

Now, present day, 5 year olds wouldn't be a challenge. I remember kindergarten, all they did to me was pinch and once or twice bite. I'm a freakin' giant now (6' 3'') so I can take on several dozen hords of those little f*ckers. :sniper:

i think if i had to survive a room of 50 5 year olds i would make them all cry (which isnt hard to do) then in their moment of weakness render them all uncounscious.You could probably also do the opposite and make them laugh.

"Ewww, he farted!

I took on a whole Montessori when I was a Ninja Turtle. I was trying to get to the specific class I was supposed to entertain and then the recess bell rang. I survived, but partially because I fed them my handler, telling them he was KC Jones....

I took on a whole Montessori when I was a Ninja Turtle. I was trying to get to the specific class I was supposed to entertain and then the recess bell rang. I survived, but partially because I fed them my handler, telling them he was KC Jones....What were you doing at a school dressed like a Ninja Turtle?

What were you doing at a school dressed like a Ninja Turtle?
"Dressed like...?

Whaddya mean.... dressed like? "
:p

"Dressed like...?

Whaddya mean.... dressed like? "
:pOh, so that's what CTOAN meant when he said he was humpbacked...

LOL I saw the thread and my first thought was, "F***in A, we already have a pedophile thread:D "

Umm, I know I could probably KILL a 5 year old with one hit, assuming I wasn't holding back at all. So, i'm guessing after a few go down, the rest are gonna get scared and start crying. So I'll take on as many as you want to throw at me, intimidation wins battles even more quickly than sheer strength.

What were you doing at a school dressed like a Ninja Turtle?
That used to be my job. Which was kick ass.

Your in a room with however many 5 year olds and each has 1 days worth of group-combat training. How many do you think you could take on before being overwhelmed?

For me, I'd say 50 or 60.

I can see that it's possible to take on 50 or 60 of them. It's not the numbers that is the problem so much as the training, so it's a matter of breaking their training. Grab the nearest one, snap their arm off, and hold it over your head so everyone can get a good look. At that point, they will back off pretty quick.

All the 5 or 6 year-olds I know are pretty vicious so probably only nine or ten of them would knock me out cold as well as damaging the fleshy parts and breaking a few fingers. *sigh* Children: the future of mankind. :D

I can see that it's possible to take on 50 or 60 of them. It's not the numbers that is the problem so much as the training, so it's a matter of breaking their training. Grab the nearest one, snap their arm off, and hold it over your head so everyone can get a good look. At that point, they will back off pretty quick.

oh how very nice of you.

























:eek:

You underestimate my kids.

I will call them my Hyperactive Horror Horde. I tell you, there's nothing scarier than seeing a grown man pinched and indian burned to death.

:)

oh how very nice of you.
:eek:
I think the problem is in the scenario. If it had been "how many 5 year olds could you take on without doing serious injury to them", I would have had a different answer. I just assumed that with group combat training, they were trained to injure or kill, so it seemed fair to respond in kind.

... 4 I think.

Oh we have to be NICE? Oh frak that. 4 if I'm allowed to kick their heads thusly breaking their necks, 1 would take me down if I'm unable to hurt them.

is it more immoral to beat up 3 5-year olds, or 5 3-year olds?

is it more immoral to beat up 3 5-year olds, or 5 3-year olds?
Neither, both are essentually just late abortions.:p

is it more immoral to beat up 3 5-year olds, or 5 3-year olds?

5 3-year olds (5 wrongs insteads of just 3), and probably harder to do as well. They are resistant little creatures and have absolutely no hesitation in fighting dirty.

That used to be my job. Which was kick ass.Oh <whew>. Wow, that's awesome, some parents sent a Ninja Turtle to school for their child. I wish my parents had done that. :(

Oh <whew>. Wow, that's awesome, some parents sent a Ninja Turtle to school for their child. I wish my parents had done that. :(


*grin* Build one out of Meccano + duct tape.

5 3-year olds (5 wrongs insteads of just 3), and probably harder to do as well. They are resistant little creatures and have absolutely no hesitation in fighting dirty.

Neither have I.

*Clint Eastwood-voice*

Come on, punk, make my day!

*grin* Build one out of Meccano + duct tape.Lol. And some green, brown, and blue cloth.

Lol. And some green, brown, and blue cloth.


and some cool japanese signs Cowabunga in japoglyfs!

Heh, I don't think I could handle more than two or three of the kiddies, they have so much energy!

Dude, have you ever actually been in a room with a 5 year old? I think it would take at least three full-trained combat soldiers to take down a motivated 5 year old.

Hell, let's just deploy our nation's kindergartens the next time somebody fucks with us. It'll be the shortest war ever (no pun intended).


LOL! Ah an if children ruled the world senario. What if the leader of the worlds most powerful country has the mental capacity of a child.....oh wait thats been tried.

5 year old what exactly?..You didn't specify

Assuming kids... I'd say.... based on stamina not on how many kids I'd beat up... I'd say I'd last at least half the day

just lock up the red lollies and fizzy pop :)


... from me.. not the kids.. I go a bit mental

5 year old what exactly?..You didn't specify

Assuming kids... I'd say.... based on stamina not on how many kids I'd beat up... I'd say I'd last at least half the day

just lock up the red lollies and fizzy pop :)


... from me.. not the kids.. I go a bit mental

...How mental exactly?

:D

Btw to those that asked, its a room nevermind the size and all the kids have been trained to work together in combat, for 1 day. So as much as theyll learn n remember to use after 1 day is it. N theur just normal 5 year olds.

There is no such thing as a normal 5 year old. They are all individuals and as such have different ways of taking you down. The only thing they will have in common is the desire to work together until they have conquered you. Animals they are, animals.

Heheheh, I'm loving reading these replies.

Heheheh, I'm loving reading these replies.
ah, but which one is your favorite?

I think the best strategy would be to use their light weight, small stature, and relative physical weakness in order to game the odds in your favor. If you could get your back against a wall(or better yet, a corner, allowing you to brace on two sides), it would be tough for them to take you down because they would be limited by how many children they could have working on you at a given time(maybe eight or nine, half a dozen if you can get in a corner). From there it is simply a matter of stamina and improvising weapons. To broow a line from Mike Ditka: "rip their arms and legs off then beat them with the bloody stumps!" Though I'm guessing Da Coach wasn't refer to children...