NationStates Jolt Archive

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?

Create peace.

Fireworks?

Best fireworks ever, with music, fountains and everything?

Perhaps creating a net of thermonuclear reactors, interstellar travel ships and a pair of more tech devices so they can last after the minute and improve humanity as a whole...

stop time

Dismiss your post and continue browsing the threads :p

Well... all I came up with was to fix my left eyeball's optic nerve.

I tried to figure out how to create peace in the middle east, but I wasn't sure how I could make that peace sustainable after my 60 seconds were up... and then my 60 seconds were up. I suck at being a god.

make The Beautiful Darkness love me:D

Dismiss your post and continue browsing the threads :p

Best answer yet!

I'm God? For one whole minute? Sweeet! Bye-bye fundie Christians and Islamist Extremists... oh and, Israel, that land ain't holy, since I'm takin' a Holy piss on it! :D

I would become samuel l jackson, and have sex with all your girlfriends, cause thats how he rolls.

*KABOOM* *Maniacal Earth-splitting Laughter*

Yep.

Stop time.

Well... all I came up with was to fix my left eyeball's optic nerve.

I tried to figure out how to create peace in the middle east, but I wasn't sure how I could make that peace sustainable after my 60 seconds were up... and then my 60 seconds were up. I suck at being a god.
Pretty much just remove everyone from the middle east, and ship 'em off to mars.

Use my god powers to make my god powers permanent. Win.

Microwave a burito so hot even I couldn't eat it.

Real Life God Moding would be interesting...

Open the skies and announce to all humanity that I do not exist and to go about their business.

I would become samuel l jackson, and have sex with all your girlfriends, cause thats how he rolls.

You are God and decide to turn into Samuel L Jackson?

I don't know, I find Gods hotter than Hollywood actors, but meh.

oh and, Israel, that land ain't holy, since I'm takin' a Holy piss on it! :D

Would that make it holy?

No, wait, I got it...

Four words: Popcorn Penis Powered Cannon.

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?

Slow the movement of time so that a minute is subjective eternity for everyone else. Solve all problems.

Pretty much just remove everyone from the middle east, and ship 'em off to mars.Pfft, if you were going to go that you might as well enlarge the width of the suez canal by a couple of thousand miles. You know. Like a new sea that connected the red, meditaranian, indian and caspian seas.

You are God and decide to turn into Samuel L Jackson?

I don't know, I find Gods hotter than Hollywood actors, but meh.


but as samuel l jackson you can also sleep with the athiests....etc.

*edit* and besides if you were god would you want everyone to know your god? even if only for a minute? its absolute power were talking about here.

Stop time.

pfft. Copy cat

Pfft, if you were going to go that you might as well enlarge the width of the suez canal by a couple of thousand miles. You know. Like a new sea that connected the red, meditaranian, indian and caspian seas.

And starting Mad Max crazyness by plunging the world into the highest energy crisis ever after turning half the world oil reserves and camp into water?

Are you God or the Devil?

but as samuel l jackson you can also sleep with the athiests....etc.

Noone would be an atheist after watching a true God, you know?. Atheism is the denial of God. If you...Meh, forget about it

guse my god-powers to give myself god-powers for all eternity

then do wahtever I want

I'd teleport Aelosia onto my lap. :D

I'd teleport Aelosia onto my lap. :D


hiyooooo!

http://www.kepplerspeakers.com/speakers/pics/mcmahon-e.jpg

Noone would be an atheist after watching a true God, you know?. Atheism is the denial of God. If you...Meh, forget about it

at times it is almost like trying to explain calculus to a five year old

Microwave a burito so hot even I couldn't eat it.

You are my new hero.

I'd teleport Aelosia onto my lap. :D

Only for 60 secs? Awwwwww

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?
Make everyone telepathic. :p

hiyooooo!

http://www.kepplerspeakers.com/speakers/pics/mcmahon-e.jpg

You are learning the art of image spam, young padawan. ;)

Start over :D

Only for 60 secs? Awwwwww

Never said that what the "God" did would revert back after 60 seconds. You'd be stuck there. ;)

Give LG an endless supply of mud.

Make fluffles go far away.

Try to prove how my views on God are still true/non-contradicting. :p

Create RoboMod and mess with all of you, mwahahahaha!!

And my most important task; Protect Sark from egg races!


*gets punched in the face by Sark*

You are learning the art of image spam, young padawan. ;)


oh i have learned long ago, just kept my talent hidden until the perfect opportunity presented itself

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?


And God said: "Lines Aleph Zero to Aleph One - Delete."
And the Universe ceased to exist.
Then She pondered for several aeons, and sighed.
"Cancel Programme GENESIS," She ordered.
It never had existed.
--siseneG, (shortest story written by Arthur C. Clarke)

Give LG an endless supply of mud.

Make fluffles go far away.

Try to prove how my views on God are still true/non-contradicting. :p

Create RoboMod and mess with all of you, mwahahahaha!!

And my most important task; Protect Sark from egg races!


*gets punched in the face by Sark*

Ruffy, were you smoking?

Make a rosebush sprout out of someones arse.

Ruffy, were you smoking?

If so, he should be sharing. :p

Ruffy, were you smoking?
You can't ask me that!

I'm still God!

*presses red button*

*flies off into sunset*

Open the skies and announce to all humanity that I do not exist and to go about their business.

Killer answer! I love it!!!

Microwave a burito so hot even I couldn't eat it..

Excellent! Love this one too!!!

I'd create an honest government for the people!!! Now, there's a job only God could handle!!!

If so, he should be sharing. :p
*makes Boston sink into the sea*

Killer answer! I love it!!!



Excellent! Love this one too!!!

I'd create an honest government for the people!!! Now, there's a job only God could handle!!!

Only to watch how it corrupts after a minute?

It would be sad

Ruffy, were you smoking?


smoking the stuff that only god would toke. who knows what he's seen now.

smoking the stuff that only god would toke. who knows what he's seen now.

Well, I still doubt on the quality of the stuff

smoking the stuff that only god would toke. who knows what he's seen now.
I like how you said "who" instead of "God" right there :p

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?
00:01 = Eliminate 90% of human violence with a single tiny tweak that leaves free will totally unchanged. You get bonus points if you can figure out how I would do this.

00:01 - 01:00 = Win every single foosball tournament on Earth.

00:01 = Eliminate 90% of human violence with a single tiny tweak that leaves free will totally unchanged. You get bonus points if you can figure out how I would do this.

By removing the opposable thumb?

00:01 = Eliminate 90% of human violence with a single tiny tweak that leaves free will totally unchanged. You get bonus points if you can figure out how I would do this.

Well, I cannot see the problem. But I can see the guy grabbing the nailed plank right after the 60 secs are over

00:01 - 01:00 = Win every single foosball tournament on Earth.

Now I cannot figure out how you could do this

Use my god powers to make my god powers permanent. Win.That. Time limits are for mortals.

Well, I still doubt on the quality of the stuff

yeah but ruffys a lightweight.

By removing the opposable thumb?
Thumbs are my second-favorite human body part. Even if removing them could solve all evil in the world, I don't think I could do it.

Now I cannot figure out how you could do this


he's god he can do anything right?

you cannot question the foosball skills of god.

Well, I cannot see the problem. But I can see the guy grabbing the nailed plank right after the 60 secs are over

Heh.


Now I cannot figure out how you could do this
Bottle-God pwnzorz all at foosball.

00:01 = Eliminate 90% of human violence with a single tiny tweak that leaves free will totally unchanged. You get bonus points if you can figure out how I would do this.

You make people feel what they do to others ?
Hmm.. no. Too serious ;)

Heh.


Bottle-God pwnzorz all at foosball.

Foosball! w00t!

I'd play against you if Aelosia weren't on my lap. I've got my priorities. ;)

Or maybe I'd just screw that sacrificial virgin my followers left chained to the altar. That should take me about a minute.

Foosball! w00t!

I'd play against you if Aelosia weren't on my lap. I've got my priorities. ;)


you can do both, you got the talent right?

Or maybe I'd just screw that sacrificial virgin my followers left chained to the altar. That should take me about a minute.

A minute? Methinks you're being generous... :p

A minute? Methinks you're being generous... :p

I'd use my leftover time to make her think it was an hour.

you can do both, you got the talent right?

I do, but I'd rather focus on Aelosia. ;)

he's god he can do anything right?

you cannot question the foosball skills of god.
http://www.cineclub.de/images/waterboy3.jpg

I do, but I'd rather focus on Aelosia. ;)


good point there.

good point there.

Priorities, man, priorities...

I'm not completely retarded. ;)

You make people feel what they do to others ?

You win. :)


Hmm.. no. Too serious ;)
Personally, I find nothing serious about the image of a bully experiencing the very noogie he was trying to administer.

Foosball! w00t!

I'd play against you if Aelosia weren't on my lap. I've got my priorities. ;)
Bottle-God has already played you, and defeated you. Your mortal mind is simply unable to comprehend the full measure of my rad skillz.

Priorities, man, priorities...

I'm not completely retarded. ;)

Priorities indeed :D

If you restraint from foosball, I'll even worship you for like 30 seconds

Bottle-God has already played you, and defeated you. Your mortal mind is simply unable to comprehend the full measure of my rad skillz.


i fear anyone who still comfortably uses the word rad.

What wouldn't I do is the better question.

Priorities indeed :D

If you restraint from foosball, I'll even worship you for like 30 seconds

Worship? Nah. I'm definitely not worth that, even for restraining from foosball. I'm just glad that you can tolerate me. ;)

Nothing

I gave people free will for a reason. If they cant use it the way it was intended, and can only use it to hate, I have a nice comfy seat for them in hell.

Now if you dont mind.. I'm going fishing....

I'm not completely retarded. ;)


*insert joke here*

*insert joke here*

Bastage :p

Bastage :p


im the coolest spammer around and you know it. :p :D

Scare the F---ing sh-- out of Pat Robertson... On the air.

im the coolest spammer around and you know it. :p :D

I'm sure I'm not the coolest, but I'm one of the best. ;)

I'm sure I'm not the coolest, but I'm one of the best. ;)


that you are.

that you are.

Thank you. *bows*

Pretty much just remove everyone from the middle east, and ship 'em off to mars.
I'd send the people from the mid-west with them :p

Thank you. *bows*


you just love the ass kissing :D

you just love the ass kissing :D

No, not at all. In fact, you should be above it. ;)

No, not at all. In fact, you should be above it. ;)


im way above it, i just give credit where credit is due.

im the coolest spammer around and you know it. :p :D

You are in an honorable third place :D

Thats easy.Id create a nice comphy safe passenger shuttlecraft and Id fill the Moon with self sustaining 20 year old ultrahot hookers and sleezy motels and grant myself eternal air space rights and a % of the business proceeds.

1. reset earth's climate
2. Mid East Problem? Solved! "One more bad thing and I smash you all flat." Go Old Testament on them.
3. Up the dang tech level a few notches.
4. Spend the remaining 30 seconds learning to swim.

Sounds Good.

Thats easy.Id create a nice comphy safe passenger shuttlecraft and Id fill the Moon with self sustaining 20 year old ultrahot hookers and sleezy motels and grant myself eternal air space rights and a % of the business proceeds.

Again, Do I comment or let it rest?

Again, Do I comment or let it rest?

Just let that rest, bonita. Not even worth a response.

You are in an honorable third place :D


third place? do i still get the free beer?

Just let that rest, bonita. Not even worth a response.

Just mad you didnt think of it first.

third place? do i still get the free beer?

We all get free beer at the NS General-palooza! :D

third place? do i still get the free beer?

Free onions...

Cluitch get the free liquor and Fascist Dominion get the beer. You get a consolation onion.

Free onions...

Cluitch get the free liquor and Fascist Dominion get the beer. You get a consolation onion.

You rule. *swoon*

play the NYSE...hella'

Free onions...

Cluitch get the free liquor and Fascist Dominion get the beer. You get a consolation onion.

*throws onion at cluichs hand, catches alcohol before it hits the ground*

:p

*throws onion at cluichs hand, catches alcohol before it hits the ground*

:p

Are you one of those that do anything for Alcohol?

I would kill the real God. Then I would show to the world that I am God. Free rule over everything for my whole life!

Just let that rest, bonita. Not even worth a response.
Casa Bonita?

Just mad you didnt think of it first.

Middle age is going to come as a shock to you, kid. :D

Are you one of those that do anything for Alcohol?

He's a sad, sad boy, it seems. :p

Make the UK best country in the world, revive the british empire and aid Britain into colonizing space.

God Save the queen

He's a sad, sad boy, it seems. :p
Is anyone surprised, really?

Is anyone surprised, really?

Nope, not a bit. :p

Nope, not a bit. :p
Me neither. We might need to do an... INTERVENTION!

Me neither. We might need to do an... INTERVENTION!
Get the hell away from my drinking buddy!

Get the hell away from my drinking buddy!

Are you pal of a guy called "Intestinal Fluids"?

You have lost 60516051689054 points in my ranking, Ruffy

Are you pal of a guy called "Intestinal Fluids"?

You have lost 60516051689054 points in my ranking, Ruffy


damn thats a lot of points.

Get the hell away from my drinking buddy!
*Tosses a vodka-bottle as a distraction*

Are you pal of a guy called "Intestinal Fluids"?

You have lost 60516051689054 points in my ranking, Ruffy


Makes me wonder where I stand... :(

Make people honk when they orgasm.

Makes me wonder where I stand... :(

You got liquor, no?

damnit

You got liquor, no?

damnit

No, actually. Drank it all. Gotta restock. Working with just beer now. :(

I have a bottle of grey goose......

I have a bottle of grey goose......

I'll be right over! :D

What's Grey Goose?

I'll be right over! :D


no way i get screwed over and get the spammer onion....grey goose is mine.

What's Grey Goose?

vodka

vodka

some of the best tasting vodka out there at least in my opinion. expensive though.

*Tosses a vodka-bottle as a distraction*
Minoritee, you're on your own.

*catches bottle of vodka and runs to get ice*

Bahh fuck the ice!

*chugs*

Minoritee, you're on your own.

*catches bottle of vodka and runs to get ice*

Bahh fuck the ice!

*chugs*

*trips Ruffy*

Are you pal of a guy called "Intestinal Fluids"?

You have lost 60516051689054 points in my ranking, Ruffy
Why do all the hot girls hate me?

:(

Would that make it holy?
If I took a holy bath in its waters...

*trips Ruffy*
*protects bottle of luvin'*

*trips Ruffy*


*steals ruffys vodka*

Why do all the hot girls hate me?

:(

wow, that was emo...

And I don't hate you, I hate guys nicknamed "Intestinal fluids"

Why do all the hot girls hate me?

:(


why are you so emo?

Why do all the hot girls hate me?

:(

Not just the hot girls, but the hottest, it seems. :p

*steals ruffys vodka*
:eek:

YOU DAMN SOUTHERN!!

[Phill is south of me... :p]

:eek:

YOU DAMN SOUTHERN!!

[Phill is south of me... :p]


roshambo ya for it

*kicks ruffy in nuts, tosses bottle to cluich*

wow, that was emo...

And I don't hate you, I hate guys nicknamed "Intestinal fluids"
What? Do you want me to conform?

I asked a friend through googletalk the question posted in the first post and here's the reply I got: "lose 50 pounds and teleport into a swimming pool full of jello."

why are you so emo?
I'm drunk.

It took me 5 minutes.

Tradition!!!!

What? Do you want me to conform?

No, simply OBEY! :D

roshambo ya for it

*kicks ruffy in nuts, tosses bottle to cluich*
Can't we just share?

:(

I'm drunk.

It took me 5 minutes.

Tradition!!!!


its not even 1pm and youre drunk?

shit i cant do that anymore on a weekday.

What? Do you want me to conform?

I want you to raise a fist into the air, scream like a beast, punch Minoriteeburg's face to bloody pulp, grab me by the waist, close and hard, then grab a spiked chain hanging from the top of the Empire State and kidnap me in an spectacular fashion

That's what you should do.

Can't we just share?

:(

ask cluich hes got the vodka

*tosses ruffy 6pk of yuengling and a pack of ice*

sorry about the kick thouhg

No, simply OBEY! :D
Damn conformists!

I want you to raise a fist into the air, scream like a beast, punch Minoriteeburg's face to bloody pulp, grab me by the waist, close and hard, then grab a spiked chain hanging from the top of the Empire State and kidnap me in an spectacular fashion

That's what you should do.

Hell, your wish is my command. ;)

its not even 1pm and youre drunk?

shit i cant do that anymore on a weekday.
I'm Irish!

Why can't you? :( :(

How un-PAian of you. :mad:

Hell, your wish is my command. ;)

I am waiting...

I'm Irish!

Why can't you? :( :(

How un-PAian of you. :mad:

You're not Irish. You were born in the US, weren't you?

You're not Irish. You were born in the US, weren't you?


good point.

I want you to raise a fist into the air, scream like a beast, punch Minoriteeburg's face to bloody pulp, grab me by the waist, close and hard, then grab a spiked chain hanging from the top of the Empire State and kidnap me in an spectacular fashion

That's what you should do.
Can't I just give him alcohol, and give you 50 bucks?

I'm Irish!

Why can't you? :( :(

How un-PAian of you. :mad:


I can't cause i work most weekdays anymore if not going to school. This guy had to get himself a steady job.

You're not Irish. You were born in the US, weren't you?
Good point, and I will accept it.

I am a Coal Regioner.

Good point, and I will accept it.

I am a Coal Regioner.

Well done. :D

ask cluich hes got the vodka

*tosses ruffy 6pk of yuengling and a pack of ice*

sorry about the kick thouhg
*chugs*

I want you to raise a fist into the air, scream like a beast, punch Minoriteeburg's face to bloody pulp, grab me by the waist, close and hard, then grab a spiked chain hanging from the top of the Empire State and kidnap me in an spectacular fashion

That's what you should do.


hey stop the violence! increase the peace!

I would talk to Jesus, and my some of my deceased family members

Can't I just give him alcohol, and give you 50 bucks?

that's why hot women hate you

I would talk to Jesus, and my some of my deceased family members

If you are God, thus Jesus is either your son, or a liar.

If he's your son, and so he's deceased, then he's your deceased family.

If he's a liar, no point in talking to him.

I would talk to Jesus....


so if you were god youd talk to yourself?

Turn myself into the all-powerful Chuck Norris!!!

I can't cause i work most weekdays anymore if not going to school. This guy had to get himself a steady job.
Well if you want fancy icing, you need a good job.

Ever coming back to PA? Get a job some bar in Philly and when I'm in town, you'll sell me booze.

Big tips to you, 'course.

Well if you want fancy icing, you need a good job.

Ever coming back to PA? Get a job some bar in Philly and when I'm in town, you'll sell me booze.

Big tips to you, 'course.


dont think ill be returning to philly for quite some time. im getting established with school here, so not coming back at least until after i graduate.

that's why hot women hate you
:p

EDIT: You know I'm kidding, right? :(

dont think ill be returning to philly for quite some time. im getting established with school here, so not coming back at least until after i graduate.
:eek:

Damn.

:(

Well when you graduate I guess I might be 21.. I wont need you.

What's your major? Maybe I could use you in other ways.

Eep. No. Don't think like a perv.

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?

your head a splode!

either that or

evolve humanity and dissapear all nuclear and biological weapons as well as all knowledge and information for creating such things.

:eek:

Damn.

:(

Well when you graduate I guess I might be 21.. I wont need you.

What's your major? Maybe I could use you in other ways.

Eep. No. Don't think like a perv.

I am going to school for animation. minor in film.

Make a user-friendly alternative to politics.

so if you were god youd talk to yourself?

yes, wait, he is different than God the Father, so it depends on which one I would be, unless I get to be all 3

destroy guantanamo bay.

If you are God, thus Jesus is either your son, or a liar.

If he's your son, and so he's deceased, then he's your deceased family.

If he's a liar, no point in talking to him.

why are you assuming that Jesus is a liar, where did that come from, I wasn't saying Jesus is my deceased family, I meant my earthly, who aren't alive on earth anymore

that's why hot women hate you

You hate Ruffy? :(

You hate Ruffy? :(


would be a shame. ruffys a good guy.

I am going to school for animation. minor in film.
Ah, cool.

I'm thinking of going to Philly for graphic design. Or something..

would be a shame. ruffys a good guy.
Everyone loves me!

I guess not everyone.. :(

Everyone loves me!

I guess not everyone.. :(


youre a good guy whos too damn emo sometimes :p

go play some thursday ruffy.

youre a good guy whos too damn emo sometimes :p

go play some thursday ruffy.
*drunken singing*

for 60 seconds... I would step between the seconds, giving me more time. then I would
1) make the desert lands fertile
2) refill all the artiesan wells with pure water
3) regrow all the cut forests
4) give evidence that God does exsist... before I reliquish the power back to him.
5) bless all the Faithful.
6) make Mars Habitable for human life and seed it with Flora and Fauna.

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?

I have one minute. I will not read the previous posts.

I declare a democracy of living beings. Any being may move a motion based apon what they have in common with other beings. It may be supported by any other being capable of empathy with the motion. If supported by a majority of beings [BANG!, my minute is up}

I give myself God Time™ and use that eternal moment to figure out how to fix every problem in the world, then fix them.

I'd scare people by hiding behind bushes, and jumping out in front of them and shouting "I'm real!"

Destroy all liberals. Which invariably solves most other problems.

*drunken singing*
*Joins in*

Destroy all liberals. Which invariably solves most other problems.
Except the conservative problem.

countdown:

60 - *clears throat* Mmrhmmm.

59 - wake everyone up, make them pay attention.

50 - announce that the world is going to end in "about" a minute

45 - tell them why they deserve to be punished as they have left the right path. Then wait for a couple of seconds to let that set in.

30 - let the smiting begin - nobody will survive. Wait for 15 seconds after everyone has dropped dead.

15 - let those who were alive when I did that rise from the dead

10 - tell'em if they don't change their ways, it's over - and let that set in.

5 - hearty laughter and global thunderstorm

2 - I'll be watching you! Don't ever forget...

1 - return powers to God.

Step 1: Turn everything an iridescent shade of pink, just to drive people crazy.
Step 2: Fart on Hollywood, turning everything there into a gassy wasteland. Kinda like Sodom, but with more lights.
Step 3: Do *something* about the Scientologists. Maybe make an incredibly bright constellation in the night sky that says:
HUBBARD WAS A FRAUD--REPENT OR BURN!
-YOUR LOVING LORD XENU

0th: slow time down for me
1st: fix my vision! Sorry, I know it's trivial but I do NOT want to experience this disadvantage
2nd: raise the IQ of every human (including myself) by 100 points
3rd: give humanity one shared language
4th: make a golden statue of Tux appear, crushing the Microsoft headquarters
5th: make time run at normal speed for me again

Put all world leaders in a tiny, windowless room together, naked, and lock the door. Put everyone else in a God-sized dice shaker and shake it up, dump them back on Earth and see how it all falls out.

But then I'm evil.

(evil spelled backwards is live)

Microwave a burito so hot even I couldn't eat it.

It would explode... trust me. :(

Get rid of stupidity and evil. Then make all humans immortal, but they can die when they get bored of life. Make the mortal version of me have force choke.

Give everybody infinite wisdom.

Painfully crush all liberals, socialists, communists, and other warped forms of the far left. KKK & other orgs like that would get crushed as well, goodbye democrats hello conservative capitalist paradise...

:p

I don't know, mess with time in some way so that 60 secs turns into a very long time (like, wishing for more wishes) and then impose my will upon the universe.

0th: slow time down for me
1st: fix my vision! Sorry, I know it's trivial but I do NOT want to experience this disadvantage
2nd: raise the IQ of every human (including myself) by 100 points
3rd: give humanity one shared language
4th: make a golden statue of Tux appear, crushing the Microsoft headquarters
5th: make time run at normal speed for me again

Technically, since IQ is based on average intelligence, you'd do...nothing, really. With number 2 anyways,

make The Beautiful Darkness love me:D

Lol, Aww! :fluffle:

Best answer yet!

I try ;)

I like the idea of force choke - though force crush would be soooooo much more nasty!!!

Technically, since IQ is based on average intelligence, you'd do...nothing, really. With number 2 anyways,

Weill basically I meant "make people twice as smart", as you see, I need it as well ;>

why are you assuming that Jesus is a liar, where did that come from, I wasn't saying Jesus is my deceased family, I meant my earthly, who aren't alive on earth anymore

I need a whetstone, too many dull knives in this drawer.

If you are God, then...

Jesuschrist said he was the son of God, thus if you are God then Jesus is either your son or a liar. If he's your son, he's your family, no?

Plus, I think he died crucified, so he's deceased, thus being part of your deceased family, if you are God, that is.

It's just a logical conclusion.

And, well, no I don't hate Ruffy, Ruffy rocks! (even being an emo)

And, well, no I don't hate Ruffy, Ruffy rocks! (even being an emo)

Ruffy does rock, even for an emo putz. :p

Ruffy does rock, even for an emo putz. :p
It's this coffee.

It has to be the coffee.

It's this coffee.

It has to be the coffee.

Has to be. No other possible explanation. ;)

Painfully crush all liberals, socialists, communists, and other warped forms of the far left. KKK & other orgs like that would get crushed as well, goodbye democrats hello conservative capitalist paradise...

:p
Great first post!! :rolleyes:

Seems like there is a surge in noob puppet trolls lately. :eek:

And my most important task; Protect Sark from egg races!

:fluffle:

Tomorrow is pirate day. ARRRR!

I would make myself unquestioned ruler of the whole universe, make myself immortal, give myself literally unlimited powers, and while I am at make myself a god.

:fluffle:

Tomorrow is pirate day. ARRRR!
Captin Morgan!!

ARRRR!

Make strawberry pancakes for everyone.

Captin Morgan!!

ARRRR!
we're not allowed to use that name. However, I am allowed to be captain of the Cutty Sark, and I am allowed to sail on Parrot Bay:)

we're not allowed to use that name. However, I am allowed to be captain of the Cutty Sark, and I am allowed to sail on Parrot Bay:)
You make me proud.

*wipes tear from face*

I would turn water into spam, and make everyone love sweatin' to the oldies under fear of bashment to the carrottop exile island.

an evil god i would be.

Give myself godlike powers after the minute expires and turn RL into a DDR style game for everyone. I hate it but they must all suffer. After the minute was up I'd still have godlike powers to abuse at my liesure.

You make me proud.

*wipes tear from face*
I just wasted OVER a minute reading ALL of your "what is sexy" link. I think you are right.....I need to get a life!! Way too funny!!

I just wasted OVER a minute reading ALL of your "what is sexy" link. I think you are right.....I need to get a life!! Way too funny!!
:cool:

I'm proud of my writing skillz!

I would erase Jerusalem from existence. It will be repalced by a big grassy hill covered in daffodils.

I will create a cure or HIV and implant the cure into the mind of several prominent scientists. The cure will be something bizarre and twisted like perhaps having sex with watermelons.

I will triple the amount of mud on Earth.

Everyone on Earth will become literate in their primary spoken language.

In the few moments I have left, I will raise a series of lunar mountain ranges so that when the moon is full, and only when the moon is full, It will appear as a giant smilie face. :)

drink the ocean! and kill jesse

I would give every man, woman, and child a cruise missle.

I would give every man, woman, and child a cruise missle.

YAY! :D

YAY! :D
It'll be MAD+1

Create peace.

i like that. only peace isn't something you create, it's what you have if you don't create unpeace. and how to get humans to stop creating unpeace is not something i could figure out how to get everyone to go along with in one minuet. even with absolute and unlimited power.

if i could take away everyone's ability to rob anyone of their calmness that migh do the trick. but that would be like having everyone on drugs, other then not being physicaly harmful.

one minuete isn't very long to think of anything, even with omniscience.

i know one thing i'd do, and that's lower the temperature and humidity that is going on right now where my mundane self is currently living. and for everyone else who is suffering from it too.

but its a big universe, and if i've only got one minuete would i even think of planet earth, OR myself, either one?

probably not.

i'd go hug some wierd little furry creature on some planet of some sun no one on earth has ever heard of.

sure if i could end all the supid things human people are doing collectively to their individual selves, i'd do something about that gladly. if it were anything i could do, even as a god.

but those things are up to every awairness itself, in choosing, or even choosing without realizing they are choosing, the priorities they actualy live by.

maybe if i could somehow magicly make everyone awaire of the connection between priorities and probabilities. maybe make it some kind of a universaly sentient instinct, retroactively, and prevent people from inventing beliefs that depict deceiving themselves about this connection as an expression of love for me, as a god, which it assuredly IS NOT and WOULD NOT BE, well maybe that would do the trick. i hope so. i hope something would and could and will. and i do believe that something will.

that something will get that basic simple lesson through thick human heads.

then there would be no incentives for tyrannies to raise or anyone to knowingly perpetuate those which do. even tyrannies pretending to be freedom.

that and find i nice flat rock under a shade tree to sit on, beside a trail winding through a forrested mountainside. with a nice pine scented spring morning breeze keeping everything cool and comfy.

=^^=
.../\...

Hmm, nice idea.

I could say something about World Peace.. But I don't know. There needs to be a balance I think. So I would make there be peace in the Middle East, Africa and also change all those IRA fucks in Ireland too..

I'm not too sure what else I would do. Stop Indonesia from always being fucked up and India too.

Finally, I would 'help' AIDs researchers find a cure (ie, give it to them).

60 seconds to give mankind a future,

1. Dump a coupla billions tons of ice from Saturns rings onto the moon.
2. Increase mass of Mars and terraform immediately to a mild temperate climate.
3. Drag Venus out to earth orbit equivalent 60 degrees back from us and and terraform.
4. Terraform Ganymede, Io, Titan.
5. Vanish all asteroids with orbits that take them inside Jupiter.
6. Ensure nobody dies for 60 seconds and everyone sees their opponents POV for 60 seconds.

How much time left now.....errm 10..9.. 8..

Fix my kids heart completely.
Hello mum!
Magically lose weight down to as I was at 21.

5...4...3

All third world debt gone,
Aids gone..
Malaria gone...
Two kids becomes a biological hard limit for next 100 years...

How am I doing for time....sh*t...

Nearly did it!!!

:D That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?


Commit suicide. Maybe ... ?

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?

Put George Bush and Osama Bin Laden in a cage fight. The winner gets to live until being shot in the head. ;)

Create peace.
So...kill everyone?

So...kill everyone?
Yes.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/KillemAll.jpg

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?
1) World Peace
2) End poverty
3) Wipe ignorance and prejudice from the surface of earth
4) Clean out the environment
5) Enlarge earth so it's actually big enough for all 7 billions of us

Assuming those take about 10 seconds each, there's still enough time for:

6)Turn all handsome men gay and constitute myself a harem as payment for all that hard work.

1) Pause Time
2) Everything

Yes.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/KillemAll.jpg
God has great taste in music, at least.

As for me; Godmod, perhaps?

Yes.

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/KillemAll.jpg

imagine the world ending to metal militia....

If I were God... hmm...

1) Pause time, so I can do everything else on this list.
2) Strengthen up a third party for the US and reinforce that the Bible can not be used in government.
3) Reform the education system in the US.
4) Burn Hollywood. MUAH HA HA HA HA!!!
5) Tell the fundies to either shut up or burn!
6) Mess with the minds of every Scientologist. I'll kidnap Suri Cruise, and send prophetic dreams to her parents saying that if they do not accept that L. Ron Hubbard is a fraud and to get on with their lives, then Suri will grow up... relatively normal and they will burn. When they ask who I am, I will tell them that I am the true Lord (Lady?) Xenu. :p
7) Edumacate the AIDS sufferers in Africa, and come up with a cure to AIDS, as well as severe genetic defects.
8) Tell everyone in the Mid East to quit it, and live everyone alone.
9) This requires some backstory: Back in 2004, there was an episode of Degrassi: The Next Generation that was not showed in the US due to the elections and the controversy that would have faced it. Degrassi is a Canadian TV show, so I will tell those frickin' Canadians (the ones who run Degrassi) and tell them to show it more often.
10) Restart time.

Simple, I make myself the immortal ruler of all human kind
I’d also lengthen the lives of all human beings to a few hundred years and eliminate the need for sleep, drink and hunger.
Then I’d make humans immune to all pathogens.
After that, I’d gift humanity with some nice faster than light technology and some advanced sci-fi weaponry to go with it.
And lastly, I'd randomly populate the universe with various sentient carbon-based life forms in various levels of development. If it isn't already.

After my minute as God, I would then lead my new humanity to glorious universal conquest.
Haha, a united humanity subjugating aliens. My perfect reality.

Painfully crush all liberals, socialists, communists, and other warped forms of the far left. KKK & other orgs like that would get crushed as well, goodbye democrats hello conservative capitalist paradise...

:p


I'd smite all the trolling puppets and n00bs.

That's it .... for the next 60 seconds, you are God. You have absolute control over everything.

What do you do?
accumulate a huge stockpile of happy pills and nitrous oxide and make everyone forget the stuff they don't like about me, therefore securing my eternal happiness. selfish, i know, but then you'll forget that in sixty seconds so that's ok :p

if you were god, could you slow time? therefore making that minute seem much longer?

Smite the detroit tigers.

turn 60 seconds as God into an infinity.

Smite the detroit tigers.


theyll be smited come october dont worry.

Instantly transport Bin Laden, Pope Benedict, the Rabbinical Council (or whever heads the Jewish faith and its branches), and all the other heads of religions who use Me (God) as justification for all kinds of crap -- I'd blink them all to a single spot. The South Pole or something chilling; or perhaps someplace very public with thousands of sober witnesses and cameras (notice I said sober, so baseball parks and soccer stadia are out) -- I got it, some big ol' church revival in all the warring and God-abusing faiths simultaneously. I'm God, I can do that.

So, after I've secured all the head honchos and a place where lots of folks and recording devices can see and hear, I'd look them all up and down and say "KNOCK IT OFF" and have it heard in the ears of all who hear and in the minds of all who cannot, in all languages at the same time regardless of the native tongue of who's listening.

I'd continue:

"Forgo your greed and raise all people to a decent living standard. I will not do it for you. Stop all killing and cruelty done in my name, or my revenge will be swift and selective. You know who you are."

I'd appear as a big, bearded white guy for the Christians, a big Imam for the Muslims, and so forth.

Yeah, it's pretty lame, but I don't think I'd fix any human-created problems. Because then what would humanity learn?

1 minute as God?

Write like crazy. There's no way I'm going to want to forget everything I know during that 1 minute.

theyll be smited come october dont worry.
By who, exactly?

Tigers win the Series.

Give a scientist the cure for leukemia, and tell him that in return for administering it to anyone who falls ill, he can have one wish granted.

By who, exactly?

Tigers win the Series.


I dont know who will smite them, but someone will.

I would create a serum to make myself an evil super-being who was immortal and had mind control abilities and a kick-ass lair.:fluffle:

Id kill whoever was next in line to be God. Or myself if that would end the one minute madness.

Id kill whoever was next in line to be God. Or myself if that would end the one minute madness.

but then the thread would end, and us bored spammers will be reduced to posting things of significance for once! think of the consequences!

And God said: "Lines Aleph Zero to Aleph One - Delete."
And the Universe ceased to exist.
Then She pondered for several aeons, and sighed.
"Cancel Programme GENESIS," She ordered.
It never had existed.
--siseneG, (shortest story written by Arthur C. Clarke)

From source unknown:

CREATION.EXE

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said

c:>Let there be light!

Enter user id.

c:>God

Enter password.

c:>Omniscient

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:>Omnipotent

Password incorrect. Try again.

c:>Technocrat

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

c:>Let there be light!

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:>Create light

Done

c:>Run heaven and earth

And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were
0 errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

c:>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and
light

Unrecognizable command. Try again.

c:>Create firmament

Done.

c:>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0
errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

c:>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together
unto one place
and let the dry land appear and

Too many characters in specification string. Try
again.

c:>Create dry_land

Done.

c:>Run firmament

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0
errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.

c:>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day
from the night

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:>Create sun_moon_stars

Done

c:>Run sun_moon_stars

And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0
errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.


And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

c:>Create fish

Done

c:>Create fowl

Done

c:>Run fish, fowl

And God created the great sea monsters and every
living creature
that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its
kind and every
winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0
errors.

And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.

And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.

c:>Create cattle

Done

c:>Create creepy_things

Done

c:>Now let us make man in our image

Unspecified type. Try again.

c:>Create man

Done

c:>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth
and subdue it and
have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the
fowl of the air and
over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth

Too many command operands. Try again.

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 6 errors.

c:>Insert breath

Done

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 5 errors.

c:>Move man to Garden of Eden

File Garden of Eden does not exist.

c:>Create Garden.edn

Done

c:>Move man to Garden.edn

Done

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 4 errors.

c:>Copy woman from man

Done

c:>Run multiplication

Execution terminated. 2 errors.

c:>Create desire

Done

c:>Run multiplication

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and
multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:>Create freewill

Done

c:>Run freewill

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and
multiplying in Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:>Undo desire

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

c:>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be
destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:>Help

Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be
destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:>Create tree_of_knowledge

And God saw man and woman being fruitful and
multiplying in
Garden.edn

Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.

c:>Create good, evil

Done

c:>Activate evil

And God saw he had created shame.

Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not
in Garden.edn. 1
errors.

c:>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman

Search failed.

c:>Delete shame

Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.

c:>Destroy freewill

Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be
destroyed.

Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.

c:>Stop

Unrecognizable command. Try again

c:>Break

c:>Break

c:>Break

ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER
GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.
PLEASE LOG OFF.

c:>Create new world

You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must
destroy old files
before new ones can be created.

c:>Destroy earth

Destroy earth: Please confirm.

c:>Destroy earth confirmed

COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME
SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT
6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.

And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.

From source unknown:

-Snip-
God's such a n00b. >_<;