DesignatedMarksman
17-07-2006, 04:53
Some things I've learned landscaping and mowing.
1. If a customer has a contract with you specifying you to mow their yard twice a month, it doesn't mean mow it twice in one day on the 31st of that month.
2. Must not dress medieval and use the trimmer as swords, nor am I able to knight customer's children using "ye olde trimmer"
3. Nor can I bury a trimmer 2 feet down in a customers flower bed and pretend to be King arthur and pull it up.
4. Cannot carve "GET BOTH!!!" or "IBTL!!!11!" or "The number/pattern that shall not be mentioned" in a customers lawn OR hedges, even IF I think they are an ARFCOMer.
5. If I do donuts and pop wheelies with the Toro z-master riding mowers on a DoD contractors' property making loud screeching noises replaying the star wars death star destruction scene with the mowers, security WILL come out to check it out.
6. Cannot pretend to hump the toros, even if they are working good
7. May not Mix up 2 cycle gas and normal gas, 2 cycle gas works in 4 cycle engines but not the other way
8. Must not intentionally mow over dead animals.
9. Cannot re-enact the Ben-hur chariot scene using Toro Z-masters.
10. I can't slap the back end of the mower and expect it to go faster either, even if I beleive its a horse.
11. Must not set the mower to 1 and scalp bosses' mothers yard. Good idea, wrong yard
12. A 30' former ryder box truck makes sucky burnouts but awesome ridges on lwns
13. Cannot pretend I'm on the titanic sailing into the wind (Pre-iceberg) while on a mower, especially if it's being driven over bumpy terrain, Because you WILL get thrown off and mulched
14. God didn't design squirrels to withstand 27hp Toro mowers.
15. If I see a dozen cheerleaders in bikinis dancing on the pool it is not acceptable for me to jump off my toro and go join them.
16. It is also not acceptable for me to drive said mower into pool, creating a large splash.
17. I cannot jump out of the boxtruck (even if I am under enemy fire) and shout "Follow me!"
18. My ex-girlfriend's parents were thrilled to see me working on THEIR lawn. The ex-girlfriend, when she saw me from her window, was not.
19. If the boss calls you and asks if you remembered the customer's son's cousin's distant relative's twice-removed aun'ts roses, the correct answer is not "What roses?"
20.. People in Texas love a young guy who works hard to pay for things his own way instead of mooching off his parents. He instead mooches off them, getting free snacks and coke (soda).
1. If a customer has a contract with you specifying you to mow their yard twice a month, it doesn't mean mow it twice in one day on the 31st of that month.
2. Must not dress medieval and use the trimmer as swords, nor am I able to knight customer's children using "ye olde trimmer"
3. Nor can I bury a trimmer 2 feet down in a customers flower bed and pretend to be King arthur and pull it up.
4. Cannot carve "GET BOTH!!!" or "IBTL!!!11!" or "The number/pattern that shall not be mentioned" in a customers lawn OR hedges, even IF I think they are an ARFCOMer.
5. If I do donuts and pop wheelies with the Toro z-master riding mowers on a DoD contractors' property making loud screeching noises replaying the star wars death star destruction scene with the mowers, security WILL come out to check it out.
6. Cannot pretend to hump the toros, even if they are working good
7. May not Mix up 2 cycle gas and normal gas, 2 cycle gas works in 4 cycle engines but not the other way
8. Must not intentionally mow over dead animals.
9. Cannot re-enact the Ben-hur chariot scene using Toro Z-masters.
10. I can't slap the back end of the mower and expect it to go faster either, even if I beleive its a horse.
11. Must not set the mower to 1 and scalp bosses' mothers yard. Good idea, wrong yard
12. A 30' former ryder box truck makes sucky burnouts but awesome ridges on lwns
13. Cannot pretend I'm on the titanic sailing into the wind (Pre-iceberg) while on a mower, especially if it's being driven over bumpy terrain, Because you WILL get thrown off and mulched
14. God didn't design squirrels to withstand 27hp Toro mowers.
15. If I see a dozen cheerleaders in bikinis dancing on the pool it is not acceptable for me to jump off my toro and go join them.
16. It is also not acceptable for me to drive said mower into pool, creating a large splash.
17. I cannot jump out of the boxtruck (even if I am under enemy fire) and shout "Follow me!"
18. My ex-girlfriend's parents were thrilled to see me working on THEIR lawn. The ex-girlfriend, when she saw me from her window, was not.
19. If the boss calls you and asks if you remembered the customer's son's cousin's distant relative's twice-removed aun'ts roses, the correct answer is not "What roses?"
20.. People in Texas love a young guy who works hard to pay for things his own way instead of mooching off his parents. He instead mooches off them, getting free snacks and coke (soda).