NationStates Jolt Archive

A gender separated version! Much more interesting I think.

How do you impress prospective/current partners?

Do you buy roses, chocolates or something entirely different? Down 20 pints in front of her?

----

I have no formula, I just be my confident self with random physical contact sprinkled in.

I wear nothing but the number one DVD of the week's case tied around my waist by the strap made entirely of liquorice.

Note : May not be true.

Threats. Blackmail. Chocolate.

Down 20 pints in front of her?



....before having it come up right in front of her :D

The magic of the human body. She'll be mightly impressed. :D

Tea strainers. *nods*

....before having it come up right in front of her :D

The magic of the human body. She'll be mightly impressed. :D
I thought I had better include the "macho Irish" option!

I wear nothing but the number one DVD of the week's case tied around my waist by the strap made entirely of liquorice.
Mmm licorice...I'd be impressed by that.

Use the words:

"Hey baby....damn I'm smoothe!" :p

Never works though :(

I thought I had better include the "macho Irish" option!
*puffs out chest*

Chloroform :p

Make em laugh

To give a semi-serious answer, I say ice-cream *nods*
Not a lot of girls will turn down ice cream in the sunshine.:)

I wear nothing but the number one DVD of the week's case tied around my waist by the strap made entirely of liquorice.

Note : May not be true.

mmm liquorice!

*slaps herself out of it*:headbang:

that would never work!;)

Use the words:

"Hey baby....damn I'm smoothe!" :p

Never works though :(
It must be "smoove"

Make em laugh

Dammit, you put Donald O'Connor in my head. :p

Beats me how I did it. I wasn't taking notes. I just said a bunch of random things and now I've been with her for a month.

Beats me how I did it. I wasn't taking notes. I just said a bunch of random things and now I've been with her for a month.

Wow...a whole month...

Wow...a whole month...

was that real awe or sarcasam?

Put ads in the paper like this one:

WANTED:

A tall, well-built woman with a good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classical music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please read only lines 1, 3 and 5.

:eek: :D :eek:

was that real awe or sarcasam?

That would be sarcasm. My shortest relationship was 11 months.

was that real awe or sarcasam?
I'd go with sarcasm. *nods*

3 years for me.

It must be "smoove"

*nods*

Thanks man - I'll try that next time, but if it doesn't work I'm gonna burn your house down.....it's only fair :D

That would be sarcasm. My shortest relationship was 11 months.

mine was 3 days :)

mine was 3 days :)What'd you do you scare her/him off?

That would be sarcasm. My shortest relationship was 11 months.

mine was um...0 months!:(

i dont really do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing!:fluffle:

Wow...a whole month...

Yep. And it's still going strong. She's even telling me secrets about her sexual life.

What'd you do you scare her/him off?

Nah school days...wasn't interested in the first place but was never able to say no to someone. Longest relationship was 2 and a half years.

Yep. And it's still going strong. She's even telling me secrets about her sexual life.You mean you haven't experienced that yourself yet?

mine was um...0 months!:(

i dont really do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing!:fluffle:

All of my relationships have been longish ones. I was even engaged at one point.

Yep. And it's still going strong. She's even telling me secrets about her sexual life.

i feel its only your duty to tell the rest of us......;)

Nah school days...wasn't interested in the first place but was never able to say no to someone. Longest relationship was 2 and a half years.Oh, you can't say no, eh? <Files this tidbit away for future reference.>

All of my relationships have been longish ones. I was even engaged at one point.

so was I once :(

i feel its only your duty to tell the rest of us......;)

Yeah, we're filthy buggers like that. :D

so was I once :(
Mine ended horribly. :(

No woman can resist my impression of a spotted dick!

"Oh look, I've spotted someone and his name happens to be Dick."

Oh, you can't say no, eh? <Files this tidbit away for future reference.>

No i've grown up a smidge, I'm perfectly comfortable with hurting people's feelings now ;)

No i've grown up a smidge, I'm perfectly comfortable with hurting people's feelings now ;)Oh, damn. <Removes file and burns it.>

alcohol, it lowers their standards AND gives them beer goggles, its a win-win for everyone!

o I write poetry too, maybe thats how I snagged my girl... one of the two:D

I don't do anything...my hair seems to draw them in.my girlfriend for 2.5 years asked me out because of it.

You mean you haven't experienced that yourself yet?

Well, I'm only 15, and she lives far from me. Cybering is as close as I've gotten.

Mine ended horribly. :(

sorry to hear that. Mine ended erm....basically I was ill and she couldn't cope and I felt she'd be better off without me blah blah waaa.. and pushed her away. Relationship was over before all that pretty much though. We tried staying friends but that never works.

sorry to hear that. Mine ended erm....basically I was ill and she couldn't cope and I felt she'd be better off without me blah blah waaa.. and pushed her away. Relationship was over before all that pretty much though. We tried staying friends but that never works.

Our ending was such that friendship wasn't even a possibility.

Oh, damn. <Removes file and burns it.>

But I'll do anything for a hot chick! :p

Mine ended horribly. :(

and this is why my heart is entombed in an unreachable fortress!

simple really, handcuffs and lots of tape;)

sorry to hear that. Mine ended erm....basically I was ill and she couldn't cope and I felt she'd be better off without me blah blah waaa.. and pushed her away. Relationship was over before all that pretty much though. We tried staying friends but that never works.
i have no previous girlfriends who are friends... so i can't even imagine being friends with someone I was engaged to.

Our ending was such that friendship wasn't even a possibility.:eek: What'd you do?

But I'll do anything for a hot chick! Yeah, that's not going to help me any, unless I get lots and lots of surgery.

Our ending was such that friendship wasn't even a possibility.

you killed her? :p

Sorry....wrong time for jokes. It doesn't work anyhow. Just don't look back. Life moves forward after all. :)

i have no previous girlfriends who are friends... so i can't even imagine being friends with someone I was engaged to.

And I don't............now. :)

Never attempt it - if they say "lets stay friends" say "NO" and walk out the door, don't turn around now.........:)

If you're not very interested in fucking, how can you become a lover to someone who isn't your friend?

mine was 3 days :)


Damn, you have me tied... Mine was still fun though. Didn't end well...

As to the original question: hmmmm... it's kinda hard to break down exactly what happens.

But I guess the best way to impress women is to impress their social group. I do that by hanging out with her and her friends, and trying to be a really fun guy with a lot of interesting and funny things to say (note: it actually helps if you really ARE a fun guy with a lot of interesting and funny things to say).

Once you get a better idea of what she wants by *gasp* talking with her and finding out her interests, you can go buy the teddy bears, chocolates, bacardi 151... or whatever. Be mindful, women like to drop all sorts of subtle clues... like...

"Oh, I used to have an N64, it was a hell of a lot of fun to play super smash brothers"

What she's really saying is

"I would like you to go find me an N64 with a playable copy of super smash brothers."

So once you buy the N64 and Super Smash Bros, you've made a good impression on her friends and her, and you've shown you A) are a good listener B) aren't a cheapskate or a loser, and C) are willing to spend the time to find a stupid outdated game system and game just to see her smile as she beats the hell out of you with Luigi.

Then you're in. Unless she's a ruthless all-consuming monster, she'll probably be impressed.

Yeah, that's not going to help me any, unless I get lots and lots of surgery.

Or ask/pay a hot chick to do your bidding!!!! :D

sorry to hear that. Mine ended erm....basically I was ill and she couldn't cope and I felt she'd be better off without me blah blah waaa.. and pushed her away. Relationship was over before all that pretty much though. We tried staying friends but that never works.
It can work... Difficult, but possible.

How do I do it?

Lunacy. Pure unadulterated wacky silly lunacy. :)

That, and giving her multiple orgasms. :)

A gender separated version! Much more interesting I think.

How do you impress prospective/current partners?

Do you buy roses, chocolates or something entirely different? Down 20 pints in front of her?

----

I have no formula, I just be my confident self with random physical contact sprinkled in.

Most of the women who found me attractive seemed to like:

1) In decent physical condition - about 8 percent body fat, and very fit.
2) Genuinely nice.
3) Extremely honest
4) Constantly in communication
5) I'm always where I say I'm going to be, doing what I said I was going to be doing.
6) I cook and clean for myself, thank you.
7) Always something interesting to do if I'm around, unless I'm already busy doing chores.
8) Continuously employed, and not stupid with money.
9) I don't own high priced cars, boats, planes, or anything that is a dick substitute.
10) Clean and well dressed. Always a gentleman to ladies.

Younger women are not usually impressed by any of that. Usually. But I'm not impressed by most younger women in any case.

Originally Posted by Shaolin9
But I'll do anything for a hot chick!

Yeah, that's not going to help me any, unless I get lots and lots of surgery.
You seem to labour under a misaprehension. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

While looks are a factor when seeking a mate, it is also fleeting. 20-30 years down the road it'll be raisin time anyway. That's why personality matters, and friendship.

Hot chicks with bad personalities are unattractive.

So once you buy the N64 and Super Smash Bros, you've made a good impression on her friends and her, and you've shown you A) are a good listener B) aren't a cheapskate or a loser, and C) are willing to spend the time to find a stupid outdated game system and game just to see her smile as she beats the hell out of you with Luigi.

Then you're in. Unless she's a ruthless all-consuming monster, she'll probably be impressed.

Aren't they all ruthless all-consuming monsters???? :confused:

Once you get a better idea of what she wants by *gasp* talking with her and finding out her interests, you can go buy the teddy bears, chocolates, bacardi 151... or whatever.
Good advice (ie getting to know her) but....

Be mindful, women like to drop all sorts of subtle clues... like...

"Oh, I used to have an N64, it was a hell of a lot of fun to play super smash brothers"

What she's really saying is

"I would like you to go find me an N64 with a playable copy of super smash brothers."
WTF? You think that simply mentioning something she likes, or something she used to own, means she's actually asking for you to buy it for her? I really highly doubt that. Her saying that can help you figure out what to get, but not every girl is saying one thing while actually passing some test by you/hoping you read between the lines/asking you to do something with subtle hints/etc etc. Sometimes they're just talking about stuff, and making conversation...

Damn, you have me tied... Mine was still fun though. Didn't end well...

As to the original question: hmmmm... it's kinda hard to break down exactly what happens.

But I guess the best way to impress women is to impress their social group. I do that by hanging out with her and her friends, and trying to be a really fun guy with a lot of interesting and funny things to say (note: it actually helps if you really ARE a fun guy with a lot of interesting and funny things to say).

Once you get a better idea of what she wants by *gasp* talking with her and finding out her interests, you can go buy the teddy bears, chocolates, bacardi 151... or whatever. Be mindful, women like to drop all sorts of subtle clues... like...

"Oh, I used to have an N64, it was a hell of a lot of fun to play super smash brothers"

What she's really saying is

"I would like you to go find me an N64 with a playable copy of super smash brothers."

So once you buy the N64 and Super Smash Bros, you've made a good impression on her friends and her, and you've shown you A) are a good listener B) aren't a cheapskate or a loser, and C) are willing to spend the time to find a stupid outdated game system and game just to see her smile as she beats the hell out of you with Luigi.

Then you're in. Unless she's a ruthless all-consuming monster, she'll probably be impressed.

wow...im impressed........:eek:

You seem to labour under a misaprehension. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

While looks are a factor when seeking a mate, it is also fleeting. 20-30 years down the road it'll be raisin time anyway. That's why personality matters, and friendship.

Hot chicks with bad personalities are unattractive.At the very least I'd need a sex change operation.

Most of the women who found me attractive seemed to like:

1) In decent physical condition - about 8 percent body fat, and very fit.
2) Genuinely nice.
3) Extremely honest
4) Constantly in communication
5) I'm always where I say I'm going to be, doing what I said I was going to be doing.
6) I cook and clean for myself, thank you.
7) Always something interesting to do if I'm around, unless I'm already busy doing chores.
8) Continuously employed, and not stupid with money.
9) I don't own high priced cars, boats, planes, or anything that is a dick substitute.
10) Clean and well dressed. Always a gentleman to ladies.

Younger women are not usually impressed by any of that. Usually. But I'm not impressed by most younger women in any case.
Indeed. Adults are much more fun than kids (and that's a maturity reference, not an age reference).

I've had an older girlfriend. Seven years older. =D

It was only for a camp thing, though.

At the very least I'd need a sex change operation.
Pfft. Details.

Good advice (ie getting to know her) but....


WTF? You think that simply mentioning something she likes, or something she used to own, means she's actually asking for you to buy it for her? I really highly doubt that. Her saying that can help you figure out what to get, but not every girl is saying one thing while actually passing some test by you/hoping you read between the lines/asking you to do something with subtle hints/etc etc. Sometimes they're just talking about stuff, and making conversation...

Aww...man and I was gonna bring you my N64 to London. Fine Hmph! ;)

It can work... Difficult, but possible.

Not worth the effort.

you killed her? :p

Sorry....wrong time for jokes. It doesn't work anyhow. Just don't look back. Life moves forward after all. :)

No, the method she chose precluded any possible friendship post-breakup.

Actually... Communication, Patience, Forgiveness and Respect should get you pretty far.
Oh, and an open mind. Don't be afraid to bring out the handcuffs or get the crop once in a while. ;)

Most of the women who found me attractive seemed to like:

1) In decent physical condition - about 8 percent body fat, and very fit.<Introduces Insane Leftists to food.> "Insane Leftists, this is food. Food, this is Insane Leftists. I think you'll have a lot to talk about."

Good advice (ie getting to know her) but....


WTF? You think that simply mentioning something she likes, or something she used to own, means she's actually asking for you to buy it for her? I really highly doubt that. Her saying that can help you figure out what to get, but not every girl is saying one thing while actually passing some test by you/hoping you read between the lines/asking you to do something with subtle hints/etc etc. Sometimes they're just talking about stuff, and making conversation...


You're right of course. The part about her saying one thing and meaning another was more of a bit of guy humor than the gold standard truth about most women. We like to imagine that women are subtle and nuanced in how they talk. We do this mainly to cover up for the fact that we so rarely listen. ;)

The bottom line is that I really wanted to do something cool for her and she mentioned N64, so I got her one. She was so surprised, it was awesome! :D

By the way, this isn't the 3-day girlfriend. I'm not that much of a sap.

How do I do it?

Lunacy. Pure unadulterated wacky silly lunacy. :)

That, and giving her multiple orgasms. :)
A cute combination... :)

Multiple silly orgasms of lunacy, or something :p

mmm liquorice!

*slaps herself out of it*:headbang:

that would never work!;)
Liquourice combined with the awesome seductive powers of the Pink Panther might just work, though, no?

:p

And clearly, I don't do those kinds of things.

I just try to be a gentleman, and bring my girlfriend roses on special occassions, and all of that jazz.

And two years in the same relationship seems to say "it works".

If you're not very interested in fucking, how can you become a lover to someone who isn't your friend?
Oral sex, duh ;)

<Introduces Insane Leftists to food.> "Insane Leftists, this is food. Food, this is Insane Leftists. I think you'll have a lot to talk about."

I don't drink alcohol, either.

I do eat food, but I also run five miles a day. Between that and not drinking beer, I seem to have little body fat left.

I do, however, smoke pot on occasion, so I'm not a complete stiff.

Not worth the effort.
Sometimes it can be worth it... One of my ex'es is one of my best friends today - it was a bumpy road to get to that point after the relationship was over, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat :)

I don't drink alcohol, either.

I do eat food, but I also run five miles a day. Between that and not drinking beer, I seem to have little body fat left.

I do, however, smoke pot on occasion, so I'm not a complete stiff.Hm. Perhaps I'll have to start running five miles a day, then.

Hm. Perhaps I'll have to start running five miles a day, then.

You should see what it does for your endurance, and I'm not talking about running endurance.

Oral sex, duh ;)
That's included in fucking, though perhaps I should have put sex instead.

You should see what it does for your endurance, and I'm not talking about running endurance.I think I'll need an in person demonstration of this... <giggle> Just kidding.

Sometimes it can be worth it... One of my ex'es is one of my best friends today - it was a bumpy road to get to that point after the relationship was over, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat :)

Well....you're a braver person than me. It wasn't like I didn't try or anything. I wouldn't even entertain the notion again though.

Hm. Perhaps I'll have to start running five miles a day, then.
Bad idea. You'd get sore feet at best, and damage your feet and knees at worst.

If you don't start slowly and step it up gradualy, you'll injure yourself.

Start with two day a week, one hard pass, one light. Go for three weeks.
Step it up the three days a week, two light, one hard, for two weeks.
Then go two hard one light for the next two weeks.

If you just want to stay reasonably in shape, just continue this three days a week schedule, alternating between two hard one light and two light one hard.

If you want to become fit, you'll have to consider things more carefully how to step things up. Ask people about it.

If you can, get a training buddy. It's easier to motivate yourself if you got company.

No, the method she chose precluded any possible friendship post-breakup.

awwwww.... :(

You should see what it does for your endurance, and I'm not talking about running endurance.
Correct. You can (usually) also party harder if you're fit, because the body can endure more abuse before shutting down.

That's included in fucking, though perhaps I should have put sex instead.
Hmmm.... how to get close to those that you fancy without sex...?

Suggestive dancing!

Try some of that!

If you want to become fit, you'll have to consider things more carefully how to step things up. Ask people about it.

It's also a lot easier to get injured when you're past 30. Even if I change my route, I usually run it slower the first few times.

A cute combination... :)

Multiple silly orgasms of lunacy, or something :p

If you ever orgasm while laughing, believe me; It'll change everything. :)

If you ever orgasm while laughing, believe me; It'll change everything. :)
That I can believe ;)

I ask them somethign wierd or different to start off with. I never plan what your gunna say to them coz that will 90% of the time not go to plan.

One time I tried to explain to this girl that my friend wasn't trying to pick dog sh*t off my other friends shoe but he was trying to get a bottle cap off, when she said "what? i said "your very well spoken" and it worked surprisingly well. Ended up chatting to her all night.

I thnk I've almost mastered the meeting and getting to know girls part. Its the taking them home t the end of the night or getting a date that i can never do. Any advice?

Yah, just keep working. Trial and error gets you there every time :D


.....no, seriously. Not least cos practice makes perfect, try enough times and you see what you're doing wrong.

Let her catch me staring at her.
Babble precipitously about the weather and boomerangs and nuns.
Giver her a special piece of cake I've been carrying around in my pocket.
Run away :eek:

Hasn't worked since I was seven, but I keep trying.

You know that scene in E.T.? With the Reeses Pieces? Eliot lures E.T. out of the garage or barn or tool shed or closet...no, wait-closet was a different movie...

Anyway, he lays the Reeses' Pieces out in a row like Hansel & Gretel and E.T.'s all "Candy" and comes out of the garagebarntoolshednotcloset. Remember that?


Well...











it must only work on aliens.

If you ever orgasm while laughing, believe me; It'll change everything. :)
Does laughing when you orgasm count? :D

Did you know that the Esquimou word for "to laugh" is the same as the word "to have sex?" :D

You know that scene in E.T.? With the Reeses Pieces? Eliot lures E.T. out of the garage or barn or tool shed or closet...no, wait-closet was a different movie...

Anyway, he lays the Reeses' Pieces out in a row like Hansel & Gretel and E.T.'s all "Candy" and comes out of the garagebarntoolshednotcloset. Remember that?

Well...

it must only work on aliens.
Have you tried a trail of diamonds? :D

Hmmm.... how to get close to those that you fancy without sex...?

Suggestive dancing!

Try some of that!

No

Just no.

Trust me

no.

Have you tried a trail of diamonds? :D
I could afford neither the price of the lure or the kind of fish it would catch.

I have alwasy just been myself. sometimes it worked, other times it didn't.

That, and giving her multiple orgasms. :)
Which she, in turn, trades in for the house/mortgage, the car, the extra knickknacks around the house, a just-beneath-the-radar social life that doesn't really include you, a knife that often is facing the square of your back - but more often is argued by herself (and pestering qualms) into just being used to whittle away what little dignity, self resepect and esteem you haven't already frittered away, and some confusion as to whether or not she would actually be worse off or not without you ... as long as she can't upgrade.

Generally speaking, of course :)

Which she, in turn, trades in for the house/mortgage, the car, the extra knickknacks around the house, a just-beneath-the-radar social life that doesn't really include you, a knife that often is facing the square of your back - but more often is argued by herself (and pestering qualms) into just being used to whittle away what little dignity, self resepect and esteem you haven't already frittered away, and some confusion as to whether or not she would actually be worse off or not without you ... as long as she can't upgrade.

Generally speaking, of course :)+

You can trade orgasms for that now?

Cool!

Orgasms are always nice.

+

You can trade orgasms for that now?

Cool!
o_O
*rereads*
*shrugs*

Well, anyway ... i can't believe this many pages has passed and no one mentioned the good ol' caveman method.
Or chloroform.
*shakes head*

How do men do it?
Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think "Invisible Touch" was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. Sabrina, remove your dress. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you, uh, dance a little. Take the lyrics to "Land of Confusion". In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. "In Too Deep" is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your a**hole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like "In the Air Tonight" and "Against All Odds". Sabrina, don't just stare at it, eat it. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is "Sussudio", a great, great song, a personal favorite.

Orgasms are always nice.
Actually, all hilarity aside, no, they aren't necessarily ALWAYS nice.
*nods emphatically*

Make em laugh

That and not giving a damn makes women interested.

Actually, all hilarity aside, no, they aren't necessarily ALWAYS nice.
*nods emphatically*
Alaskan oil spill, eh?

That and not giving a damn makes women interested.
If that where true I'd have a harem.

You have to give a at least a little bit of a damn.

Alaskan oil spill, eh?
I was thinking, uh, a little too fast on the trigger...so to speak...

I was thinking, uh, a little too fast on the trigger...so to speak...
Pills and condoms.. pills and condoms..

Alaskan oil spill, eh?
VERY good answer, but strangely enough, no.
:D

I made mention in the first anecdote thread why. *nods solemnly*

I was thinking, uh, a little too fast on the trigger...so to speak...
I'm sure quite a few of us can count on something like that as a reference to my quote.
Strangely enough, it was actually in second place.

...How do you impress prospective/current partners?...

For the prospective partner:

Step one: Strut my stuff.
Step two: Unobtrusively draw attention to my package.
Step three: Massive eye contact that is just short of creepy(a fine line).
Step four: "Accidently" flash my wad of cash(big bills on the outside).
Step five: Find some pretext for shedding a sensitive, yet manly, tear.
Step six: Ask her questions about herself and actually listen to the answers.
Step seven: Compliment her on something she is wearing.
Step eight: At some point, casually touch her hair.
Step nine: Apologize that I have to leave... cause I'm very hungry and have to get something to eat. As a casual afterthought, I invite her to dinner cause "I've really enjoyed talking to her."

Warning, warning, you are in danger of being stalked by a nymphomanic, staring gold-digger who wants to make you cry and burden you with all her problems!!
Don't you have an exit strategy?

Tight jeans

I wear nothing but the number one DVD of the week's case tied around my waist by the strap made entirely of liquorice.

Note : May not be true.

lets hope she likes liquorice

http://www.lfsforum.net/images/smilies/ernaehrung014.gif

simple really, handcuffs and lots of tape;)

The cuffs can be fun... the tape does worry me slightly

A gender separated version! Much more interesting I think.

How do you impress prospective/current partners?

Do you buy roses, chocolates or something entirely different? Down 20 pints in front of her?

----

I have no formula, I just be my confident self with random physical contact sprinkled in.
My wit charm and sparkling personality.