NationStates Jolt Archive

COMMENTARY: I find it fascinating that so many younger women are using the word "slut" to refer to each other, and that the term is losing some of its sting. Have you ever called anyone a "slut?" Ever been called one yourself? When and how do you use the work?


The Taming of the Slur (http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/13/fashion/thursdaystyles/13women.html?th&emc=th)


By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM
Published: July 13, 2006
WHISPERS follow her like so many eyes. She is the one who will go home with you, the sure bet, the kind of girl you can lie down with and then walk all over. She is ogled, envied and often ostracized. She is the slut.

The word, which originated in the Middle Ages, has emerged from a schoolyard barb to become commonplace in popular culture, marketing and casual conversation. In his duet with the rapper Eminem, Nate Dogg describes his hunt for “a big old slut” in the single “Shake That.” The ample-bosomed puppet in the Broadway musical “Avenue Q” is called Lucy the Slut.

Novelty shops and Web sites sell Slut lip balm, bubble bath, soap and lotion. A cocktail is known as the Red-Headed Slut. A teenager on MTV’s “Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County” demanded that a rival admit she was a slut. (She did.)

“Slut’’ is tossed around so often and so casually that many teenagers use it affectionately and in jest among their friends, even incorporating it into their instant messenger screen names.

Like “queer” and “pimp” before it, the word slut seems to be moving away from its meaning as a slur. Or is it?

“It’s definitely a term of familiarity with teens,” said Karell Roxas, a senior editor at Gurl.com, a Web site that addresses issues that affect teenagers. “They’ll say ‘Hi, slut!’ the way my generation would say ‘Hi, chick!’ or ‘Hi, dawg!’ ”

Even among adults, the word is used to demonstrate voraciousness: “coffee slut,” “TV slut.”

“Today, ‘slut,’ even ‘ho’ — girls use it in a fun way, a positive way,” said Atoosa Rubenstein, the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine, adding that a phrase such as “you little slut” has become a way for girlfriends to bust each other’s chops.

Beyond the word itself, cultivating an exhibitionistic, slutty appearance — donning the trappings of promiscuity as opposed to actually being promiscuous — has been a growing influence on fashion and popular culture for a decade.

Women wear T-shirts with provocative slogans. Stripping and pole dancing is an au courant way to exercise. Paris Hilton is called an “American cultural icon” on Sephora .com, where she sells $49 perfume.

Ariel Levy, the author of “Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture,” said a girl in California told her that she and her friends compete to see who can look “the skankiest.” Ms. Levy told the girl that when she was in high school, girls wanted to be known as “the prettiest” or “the most popular.”

“How did you get the guys?,” the girl replied. “Charm?”

Given all of the slut-posturing, one may be inclined to think that society’s attitudes about women and promiscuity have changed. But it’s not entirely so, say authors who have studied popular culture. An entrenched sexual double standard is not easily uprooted. A promiscuous single man is lauded for being a player or a stud, but a woman who sleeps around rarely is.

Still, “slut’’ stings much more for girls than for women. Teenage girls get the cultural message that they should look provocative. Their social circles are small, so everyone knows who is doing what with whom. And those who do acquire the slut label have to face up to it daily in school and endure snickers about the very thing girls at that age are most embarrassed about — their sexuality.

“All of our pop icons look like porn stars,” Ms. Rubenstein said. “However they’re all virgins, quote unquote,” she said, referring to Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears. “That’s a very complex message to send to girls.”

For junior high and high school girls, said Leora Tanenbaum, the author of “Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation,” being labeled a slut is still painful and humiliating, despite pop culture’s semi-embrace of the term. Ms. Roxas of Gurl.com said teenagers often inquire about it.

They ask, Ms. Roxas said, questions like: “I’ve acquired the reputation of being a slut, how do I get around it?” or “If I have a boyfriend and I perform a certain action, does that make me a slut?” (Ms. Levy said that even the girl who competed to dress “the skankiest” made it clear that having sex with someone who is not a boyfriend is unacceptable behavior.)

A slut, according to the primary definition in the Oxford English Dictionary, is “a woman of dirty, slovenly, or untidy habits or appearance; a foul slattern.” The second entry defines a slut as “a woman of a low or loose character; a bold or impudent girl; a hussy, jade.” For decades, the second definition has reigned.

Ms. Tanenbaum, who interviewed more than 100 women between the ages of 14 and 66 who had been pigeonholed as sluts, found that the label can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, leading to greater promiscuity. But, she said, it can also act as a brake, leading a woman to shut down sexually. As for the liberal use of the word today, “It’s still too hurtful,” she said.

There is no way to know if more women are being saddled with the dubious distinction now than in the past. What seems to be true, at least anecdotally, is that it is primarily girls who are pinning the label on other girls. They do it, Ms. Tanenbaum said, because of their confusion over the contradictory messages they receive about their sexuality and how to conduct themselves.

“The way they deal with their anxiety is pointing their fingers at other girls,” Ms. Tanenbaum said, adding that more than 90 percent of the people she interviewed were given their slut label by other girls.

Often, she said, the label has nothing to do with sexual behavior. Among teenagers, the word has been attached to girls whose bodies develop more quickly than those of their peers, Ms. Tanenbaum said, as well as to pretty girls, girls who are somehow different, even girls who have been raped.

“Girls wouldn’t feel the need to do this if we had one sexual standard,” she said. “It’s because we have the double standard that this phenomenon occurs.”

Whether they condone promiscuity or not, adults, who have an easier time than teenagers keeping their sex lives private, do not seem to feel as anxious about being labeled sluts. Nor are they as prone to calling others names.

“Once you get into your 20’s and 30’s, you just have better things to do,” said Susan Schulz, the editor in chief of CosmoGirl! magazine. “Everybody has that one friend who’s kind of loose and takes somebody home.”

But as Carrie Bradshaw might type on her laptop: Is there such a thing as going too far any more? Does society allow single women more sexual partners than it once did, before they get a “bad reputation?”

Jamie Breitman, 27, of Manhattan, has a friend she characterizes as promiscuous, a woman who, when they were in a bar in Spain, ended up singing on a stage and eventually making out with the bass player.

“That’s just the way that she is and we just love her for that,” Ms. Breitman said. “It makes her more interesting and fun and she always has good stories.”

Indeed, many women admired the fictional libertine Samantha Jones on “Sex and the City’’ because she had all of those qualities, not to mention confidence and an unapologetic attitude about satisfying her desires. Enjoyment was always mutual.

But viewers often commented that such a woman could not exist in real life. That attitude, Ms. Levy said, “goes to show we can’t accept a woman who’s promiscuous because she wants to be.”

Some men, especially, seem to have strong feelings about the matter.

“When I think of the word slut,” wrote Don Reisinger, a student doing accounting and law work in Albany, in an e-mail message, “I think of a woman who has been around the block more times than my dad’s Chevy. I might date a slut, but I certainly wouldn’t marry one.”

For that reason, perhaps, women sometimes feel pressured to downplay their sexual experience. “Women still have a script for their future that involves marriage, that involves children,” said Dr. Susan Freeman, an assistant professor of women’s studies at Minnesota State University, Mankato. “It governs a lot of choices they make, how sexually active they can be, what risks they are willing to take in terms of alienating a possible marriage partner.”

There seems to be a mysterious line between being experienced and being a slut, and no one can put a number on it. According to a government report released last year (“Sexual Behavior and Selected Health Measures”), men age 30 to 44 have had a median of six to eight sexual partners in their lifetimes. The women’s median was about four.

Many women steer clear of the numbers conversation entirely, but as was pointed out several times in interviews, it would be more unusual for them to be virgins.

The fact is, Ms. Levy said, “I think there are a lot of women who want to have a lot of sex because they enjoy it.” [ Well, DUH! ] :D

Was that article in The Onion?

I've refered to one of my male friends as a slut. He's not anymore though, he has a gf.

Was that article in The Onion?

New York Times, according to the link.

I call women sluts. In fact, I call them hoes, bitches, dykes, nut-lickers, cocksuckers..and all around negative nouns and adjectives. Dont blame me, Eminem and Black Rap taught it to me. They say its acceptable.

I think it's common as a kind of joke. Hell, my puritan of a sister calls her puritan friends "slut" all of the time. One of my really good friends will occasionally walk into a room that a whole bunch of us guys are in, and she'll collectively call us sluts. I think it's a term whose meaning is changing, oddly enough, from a vulgar insult, to a comical term of endearment.

It's a good topic. One thing about aging...man it's nice to get over those hangups about 'have I had too much sex?' It really affects how some guys think too...they don't want to do certain things with a woman because they think a certain sex act is 'too slutty'. And women don't necessarily feel comfortable asking for some things because it might make them look too slutty. If a girl asked for something, and it was a bit out of the ordinary, man, did you ever hear about it at school!

I see it as a kind of humiliation. I mean...would you want everyone knowing about the intimate acts you've engaged in...the words you spoke, the sounds you made, etc? Unless exposure was your intention, that's going to be a real embarrassment. Women can do it too...talk about men, say they were lousy in the sack, that they have a small penis, etc...well in fact...women are the ones who talk the most about other women too. Women are just mean to other women! Especially in the teen years.

It IS a screwed up double standard, but both men and women really need to work at overcoming it in their own minds.

I frankly could care less what people think about me in terms of sex...but I know it really bothered me when I was a teen, and I wouldn't join in the conversations slagging other chicks for sleeping with so and so. Nor did I ever talk about the guys I'd been with except in a positive way...even if they were total jerks and said things about me.

I like the tone of Nelly Furtado's song, 'Promiscuous' by the way...it's not judgmental, it's just...hey, you and me baby, we both want to have sex, so why not?

Why not?

I call women sluts. In fact, I call them hoes, bitches, dykes, nut-lickers, cocksuckers..and all around negative nouns and adjectives. Dont blame me, Eminem and Black Rap taught it to me. They say its acceptable.
Yeah well, unless you got the bling bling to back it up, that kind of language is going to get you more slaps than sluts.

I call women sluts. In fact, I call them hoes, bitches, dykes, nut-lickers, cocksuckers..and all around negative nouns and adjectives. Dont blame me, Eminem and Black Rap taught it to me. They say its acceptable.
Get many dates? :D

Yeah well, unless you got the bling bling to back it up, that kind of language is going to get you more slaps than sluts.
Well maybe I'm in it for the kink, and I like the slaps.
Anyway, I got the bling, nigga...my Navi-truck is out back the club sittin on 22's.

Get many dates? :D
Like you wouldnt beleive. Last night it was Sheniqua, the night before it was Lafaunda, and night before was Laquisha..and the night before.....

It's a good topic. One thing about aging...man it's nice to get over those hangups about 'have I had too much sex?' It really affects how some guys think too...they don't want to do certain things with a woman because they think a certain sex act is 'too slutty'. And women don't necessarily feel comfortable asking for some things because it might make them look too slutty. If a girl asked for something, and it was a bit out of the ordinary, man, did you ever hear about it at school!

I see it as a kind of humiliation. I mean...would you want everyone knowing about the intimate acts you've engaged in...the words you spoke, the sounds you made, etc? Unless exposure was your intention, that's going to be a real embarrassment. Women can do it too...talk about men, say they were lousy in the sack, that they have a small penis, etc...well in fact...women are the ones who talk the most about other women too. Women are just mean to other women! Especially in the teen years.

It IS a screwed up double standard, but both men and women really need to work at overcoming it in their own minds.

I frankly could care less what people think about me in terms of sex...but I know it really bothered me when I was a teen, and I wouldn't join in the conversations slagging other chicks for sleeping with so and so. Nor did I ever talk about the guys I'd been with except in a positive way...even if they were total jerks and said things about me.

I like the tone of Nelly Furtado's song, 'Promiscuous' by the way...it's not judgmental, it's just...hey, you and me baby, we both want to have sex, so why not?

Why not?
Why not indeed? :D

You're to be commended for your reticence when talking about others. That's one of the few things I totally despise: gossip. :(

Like you wouldnt beleive. Last night it was Sheniqua, the night before it was Lafaunda, and night before was Laquisha..and the night before.....
Dude! U be gettin' DOWN! :D

I like the tone of Nelly Furtado's song, 'Promiscuous' by the way...it's not judgmental, it's just...hey, you and me baby, we both want to have sex, so why not?

Why not?

"Promiscuous girl, your teaaaaasin me, you know what I want and I got what you need."

Well, I used to be a slut. Averaged around 15 different partners on a decent weekend night. Now I'm down to a meager 5, so I've lost my title.... :(

Dude! U be gettin' DOWN! :D
Meh...they think I'm a nice twist and cant bare.....when they see the ice on my wrist and the length of my hair.

Well, I used to be a slut. Averaged around 15 different partners on a decent weekend night. Now I'm down to a meager 5, so I've lost my title.... :(
Hows that possible, you must be joking...either that or you have like 55 vaginas.

Hope this doesn't offend, but am I the only person who read the title and thought "... hmm, I wonder why Eut wants to know who's a slut?" :D

I hate the word. It implies they're worth less as a person, or implies that it's acceptable be treat them disrespectfully, because of the way they dress or their sexual activity. That's, quite frankly, ridiculous and sickening.

One thing about the article - maybe it's just American culture, but I've never heard the term slut used in a positive or affectionate way.

I hate the word. It implies they're worth less as a person, or implies that it's acceptable be treat them disrespectfully, because of the way they dress or their sexual activity. That's, quite frankly, ridiculous and sickening.

One thing about the article - maybe it's just American culture, but I've never heard the term slut used in a positive or affectionate way.

American culture+dumb teenage girls=your answer

there's different ways of calling somone a sult i think...if a friend said it to me in a jokey way i wouldnt be offended but if it was going around school and people were believing it, then id be embarassed!

i call guys sluts all the time....mainly coz they are and like it that way!!!

I'm an American, I don't use the term "slut" if I can help it. I just got out of middle school, and I've heard several girls get called sluts, and not once was it in a positive way (but then again, I live in a small town, not a big city).

The term "slut" is sickening. I do blame American pop culture, since they're all saying "it's okay to act like a slut" and telling teenage girls do dress that way so guys will like them. If a guy can't like a girl in relatively modest clothes and makeup, then that guy deserves a nice kick in the balls.

And the American media is by far the most sexist institution in the United States, in my opinion. :headbang:

What if women like dressing provocatively not just to attract men...but because they LIKE to?

New York Times, according to the link.
Pretty damned similar, aren't they. All the news that we can make up?

Anyhow, we have started to define sluts by the appearance, or lack thereof, of tattoos on their butts. At least some of the folks that hang out around the Pensacola beaches have done that.

Like you wouldnt beleive. Last night it was Sheniqua, the night before it was Lafaunda, and night before was Laquisha..and the night before.....
Nice Irish girls, huh?

So now am I going to have to start saying "promiscous behavior leads to bastard children"? Slut is so much easier to spell.

Nice Irish girls, huh?
Yes! Howd you know?....Was it their tell tale anglo names!?:p

American culture+dumb teenage girls=your answer

Me and my friends call each other sluts jokingly. Like we call really, really skinny people fatty and so on. It's a joke and I know that I sound stupid and preppy right now but it's like your going up to someone you don't know and using it insultingly. It has lost its meaning.

Me and my friends call each other sluts jokingly. Like we call really, really skinny people fatty and so on. It's a joke and I know that I sound stupid and preppy right now but it's like your going up to someone you don't know and using it insultingly. It has lost its meaning.

IT hasn't lost its meaning.

I hate the word. It implies they're worth less as a person, or implies that it's acceptable be treat them disrespectfully, because of the way they dress or their sexual activity. That's, quite frankly, ridiculous and sickening.

One thing about the article - maybe it's just American culture, but I've never heard the term slut used in a positive or affectionate way.

The word itself implies nothing; there are many words used by people who wish to degrade, malign, condescend or disrespect others. However, it is the speaker's intent that stands behind the words, and you have to accept that intent. You have to choose to be offended by words because words have no objective standard at all... I wrote a lengthy post about it in relation to "******" but it applies to this as well.

Alright, I would like to illustrate a point here...

In the 1800s profanity was significantly different from what it is today, back then belly was considered so vulgar that it was removed from the Bible in Britain and America. Leg was an obscene word and when referring even to a table leg a cultured person would say "the limb of the table." Pregnant was a taboo word until after World War II. Stink as in "that stinks" was on par with "that fucking blows cock" today. Their average profanity which was condemned, denounced, and forbidden with more ferocity then words like ****** do would illicit not offence, but laughter if used as an insult today. Try and think what would happen if you called someone a "yellow-bellied stinker" in modern times!

Alternatively, **** was used by the likes of Chaucer and Shakespeare with out any issue at all, as it later became taboo other words strung up. Cat, beaver, beard (thus a beardsplitter is a womanizer), snatch, twat, nokie, piece, squirrel, tail, mutton, Lapland, slit, scut, Netherlands, cozzy, quim, mouse, monkey, fish, cony, bit, bunny, scut, hat (because its frequently felt), furburger or a boxlunch or hair pie (the dish in cunnilingus) and Carvel's ring have all been used to reference a woman's external genitalia... Can anyone tell me why **** wasn't offensive when Shakespeare used it yet it is today, while cozzy and mouse aren't? Their meaning and intend are identical!

The ever popular word pussy has referred to the female genitalia for at least four hundred years, yet it was perfectly appropriate for a Victorian father to refer to his daughter as "pussy" as in,"What do you think, pussy?' said her father to Eva" in Uncle Tom's Cabin. Surely that quote proves that there are no objective standards and obscenity, blasphemy, and vulgarity exist only the mind of the prude and are as about as inconstant as the weather.

Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck You! Get Fucked! The majority of the human race likes nothing better, this recommendation should fall somewhere between "Have a nice day," and "Hope you win the lottery." To some it is taken as offence, yet simultaneously to someone else it's a playful and pretty damn good suggestion! There is no Goddamn consistency of any kind, anywhere in the scope of what is etymologically profane!

Of course, sometimes it is not what you say but rather who you say it too. In 1484 William Colyburne wrote a couplet in which he referred to Richard III as a hogge [hog]. He fled but was caught, hanged almost to death, cut down, disemboweled, and his intestines burned. In In 1812 (softer times apparently) Leigh Hunt, editor of The Examiner, described the Prince Regent (the future George IV) as a corpulent man of fifty, for which he was prosecuted for libel, convicted, and sentenced to two years in jail. In 1984 the wife of the mayor of Pine Hills, New York, called a reporter a fat pig and was convicted of verbal assault and fined $250. Ah, how standards have fallen!

Today, and I'm ashamed to say it, people still believe that certain words should be forbidden and attempt to force other people to conform to what they consider appropriate language. That just makes others want to use them more. ****** would have gone the way of belly and stink if you pestilent jack asses would get your foul and malodorous shit together, suck it up like a good bunch of fellating dogs and piss off! :p

Seriously though, this is embarrassing. It was once the Church that believed it was their place to dictate what is and isn't appropriate language to the whole Goddamn world. Now it's the "tolerant" and "progressive" "liberals" who think it's their place to decide who and what is bigoted, indecent, vulgar, and unacceptable and force that decision on everyone else. What the bloody hell is up with that?!?

The fact is that something is only offensive as long as people are offended by it. Meaning, intent, point of view, social class, and historical etymology mean fuck all if the person you're talking to couldn't give a baker's fuck what you think of him... And that's the word.

Intent is not crystal clear...and people lie. "Oh, my intent really wasn't to offend...if you get offended it's all your fault..."

People need to accept that the assumption of offensive is valid when it comes to certain words unless they are familiar enough with a particular person to make their intent crystal clear...and have it received in the same manner.

Me and my friends call each other sluts jokingly. Like we call really, really skinny people fatty and so on. It's a joke and I know that I sound stupid and preppy right now but it's like your going up to someone you don't know and using it insultingly. It has lost its meaning.
It really hasn't.

I just watched a documentary called The N Word about how the word ****** has become a hip-hop cultural name-tag over the last decade or so to the point where white kids are calling each other by the name. The overwhelming majority of those interviewed for the film admitted that while the sting may have been dulled from that word on the surface, the legacy of it as a term of subjugation and derision can never be erased, no matter how much it's trivialized.

I liken it to a real gun without bullets being used as a toy. Will you know and be ready for when the gun is loaded (like the phrase "loaded statement" or "loaded question")?

The word "slut" is vying for the same kind of cultural inclusion, which is played by those in the cultural royalty (celebrities) for shock value. That reminds me of the episode of South Park when Paris Hilton comes to town and everyone goes slut-crazy (and the hilarious comeuppance she receives from Mister Slave in the slut-off near the end of the episode).

Personally, I don't care what anyone does with regard to promiscuity. It's not for me to judge. If they want to call one another sluts and think it's cute or endearing or whatever, so what? I choose not to engage in the shock-value or titillation that comes with such usage. The problem is that it's very hard to take someone at face value when the face they're showing you is Paris Hilton's.

So I guess what I'm saying is people need to pay attention to how they act, speak and look and ask themselves how are they being portrayed. If the answer is something they honestly like and can live with, complete with the assumptions they generate, then I say knock yourself out (just not up, please).

The word itself implies nothing; there are many words used by people who wish to degrade, malign, condescend or disrespect others. However, it is the speaker's intent that stands behind the words, and you have to accept that intent. You have to choose to be offended by words because words have no objective standard at all... I wrote a lengthy post about it in relation to "******" but it applies to this as well.
There are no bad words. Just bad intentions.

Like my earlier gun metaphor, the intent is the issue. The word "******" isn't the problem, it's the racist asshole who uses it pejoratively to demean.

Well said, fine sir...you beardsplitting horse-thief!

Well, and the perception of what makes you a slut is going to vary from person to person. I know some people have labelled me such, but I don't buy into it. I love sex...I'll have it as often as humanly possible thanks...I don't think that alone makes a person a slut. In fact...hmmm...I don't really have a concept of what I would say is slutty...

The word itself implies nothing; there are many words used by people who wish to degrade, malign, condescend or disrespect others. However, it is the speaker's intent that stands behind the words, and you have to accept that intent. You have to choose to be offended by words because words have no objective standard at all... I wrote a lengthy post about it in relation to "******" but it applies to this as well.
Okay, I see your point. Still, in 99% of cases (and that's a cautious estimate - I can't actually think of a situation where this isn't the case, apart from the obvious situation of it being used jokely with a friend), slut is used as a word to degrade and demean and it attempts to suggest the person is worth less. That intent is one I see as obviously valid to get offended by, and one that is valid to presume.

Intent is not crystal clear...and people lie. "Oh, my intent really wasn't to offend...if you get offended it's all your fault..."

People need to accept that the assumption of offensive is valid when it comes to certain words unless they are familiar enough with a particular person to make their intent crystal clear...and have it received in the same manner.

See, that's just the thing thought. Whether or not you say something with the intent to offend makes no difference if the person you are speaking to is offended either way. So if intent is relative and the words themselves are unobjective to the point that they go out of style as soon as no one gives a rat's ass about them, then where does the buck stop?

If you don't care if Joe Fuckwad thinks you are too promiscuous for HIS perspective of socially acceptable, then you walk away unscathed. If you for some strange reason DO care what a random asshole thinks of you, then whose problem is that?

Well, and the perception of what makes you a slut is going to vary from person to person. I know some people have labelled me such, but I don't buy into it. I love sex...I'll have it as often as humanly possible thanks...I don't think that alone makes a person a slut. In fact...hmmm...I don't really have a concept of what I would say is slutty...
I think "slut" has an air of being indiscriminate -- as in, she'll fuck anything.

Wanting sex as often as possible is human, reasonable, and laudable if you ask me. Not being picky about who it's with begins to edge toward slutty.

I think.

Well, and the perception of what makes you a slut is going to vary from person to person. I know some people have labelled me such, but I don't buy into it. I love sex...I'll have it as often as humanly possible thanks...I don't think that alone makes a person a slut. In fact...hmmm...I don't really have a concept of what I would say is slutty...
Seeing as it is a negative word, the only thing I think I could justifiably use it for is in the case of someone who is dishonest, or leads people on. There's nothing else about sexual behaviour that I feel I'm in any place to judge (other than, obviously, non-consent). I've considered using it when someone doesn't show respect for themselves - that's something negative - but it's still not something I feel I have any right to judge.

I think "slut" has an air of being indiscriminate -- as in, she'll fuck anything.

Wanting sex as often as possible is human, reasonable, and laudable if you ask me. Not being picky about who it's with begins to edge toward slutty.

I think.
See, I agree that not having some standards is a problem...is that sluttishness though? I think it involves deeper issues. But it's still more perjorative towards women than for men...as though a woman can be sullied by indiscriminate sex, while a man can't?

Seeing as it is a negative word, the only thing I think I could justifiably use it for is in the case of someone who is dishonest, or leads people on. There's nothing else about sexual behaviour that I feel I'm in any place to judge (other than, obviously, non-consent). I've considered using it when someone doesn't show respect for themselves - that's something negative - but it's still not something I feel I have any right to judge.
I know what you mean...someone who 'plays' in order to get sex...or uses sex to get other things they want...

Point being, I think you and I feel that the term is negative, and probably will remain negative.

I would call a friend that though...in a joking sense, much in the way I'd call him or her a bitch, or other names...but not with ALL friends, because some aren't going to take it well, regardless of my intent.

Okay, I see your point. Still, in 99% of cases (and that's a cautious estimate - I can't actually think of a situation where this isn't the case, apart from the obvious situation of it being used jokely with a friend), slut is used as a word to degrade and demean and it attempts to suggest the person is worth less. That intent is one I see as obviously valid to get offended by, and one that is valid to presume.

If a person intend is to offend you, and you respond with that presumption and offence then you have just given a bigoted prick the power to offend you. Indifference, dignity, and unshakable self-worth strip him of that power. Is this not a desirable end to which you could strive?

Well, and the perception of what makes you a slut is going to vary from person to person. I know some people have labelled me such, but I don't buy into it. I love sex...I'll have it as often as humanly possible thanks...I don't think that alone makes a person a slut. In fact...hmmm...I don't really have a concept of what I would say is slutty...

Then you and I see eye to eye on this. There is little in my mind that actually qualifies as "slutty" behavior as the accepted distinction would dictate. I am a man and I love sex. I am in a very happy relationship with a woman who loves it just as much.

There is no problem here.

a friend and I have the same conversation about everytime we see eachother (which is about once every 3 or 5 years)

"bitch"
"idiot"
"whore"
"dork"
"slut"
"geek"
"nerd"
"ass hole"

then we hug, and he says "sorry I called you a bitch, but the rest of it's true" and I say "sorry I didn't tell you the truth, but it would seem cruel" and then we catch up, and then we don't see eachother for about 5 years or so.

It really freaked out my husband the first time it happened though, some guy comes up to me, that he doesn't know and starts the conversation with "bitch"

LOL

You can be unshakeable in the face of insult, but still be aware that the intention to insult is there. After all, you should pay attention to the nasty tactics used, so that you are prepared to deal with them...if we all just interpreted words as symbols alone, stripped of their intent, why would we communicate at all?

See, that's just the thing thought. Whether or not you say something with the intent to offend makes no difference if the person you are speaking to is offended either way. So if intent is relative and the words themselves are unobjective to the point that they go out of style as soon as no one gives a rat's ass about them, then where does the buck stop?

If you don't care if Joe Fuckwad thinks you are too promiscuous for HIS perspective of socially acceptable, then you walk away unscathed. If you for some strange reason DO care what a random asshole thinks of you, then whose problem is that?
For me, it's not so much caring about the opinion of me, it's getting angry at the principle behind it, and caring about the fact that such an ignorant and unhealthy view is so prominant.

It really freaked out my husband the first time it happened though, some guy comes up to me, that he doesn't know and starts the conversation with "bitch"

LOL
Ay, you should hear how I speak to my mother...my husband went gray the first time he heard a phone conversation...

For me, it's not so much caring about the opinion of me, it's getting angry at the principle behind it, and caring about the fact that such an ignorant and unhealthy view is so prominant.
Yup...if you don't deal with the intent, and the perceptions that shape that opinion, how are you going to change the perception and then the intent?

I would call women and men sluts equally, though for the most part I don't think I use it in quite the same negative connotation as most people do.

Well, I used to be a slut. Averaged around 15 different partners on a decent weekend night. Now I'm down to a meager 5, so I've lost my title.... :(You prude.

For me, it's not so much caring about the opinion of me, it's getting angry at the principle behind it, and caring about the fact that such an ignorant and unhealthy view is so prominant.

You can be unshakeable in the face of insult, but still be aware that the intention to insult is there. After all, you should pay attention to the nasty tactics used, so that you are prepared to deal with them...if we all just interpreted words as symbols alone, stripped of their intent, why would we communicate at all?

And this, I have no intention of arguing with. As Intangelon said earlier, "The word "******" isn't the problem, it's the racist asshole who uses it pejoratively to demean." Awareness of intent is vital to how you go about your daily life and it's absolutely impossible to strip yourself of that. It's extremely difficult not to naturally assume the intent of someone speaking to you and intuition often plays into this. Obviously you can make mistakes in your assumption (as yours' and Smunkee's stories point out) and this can lead to misunderstandings... this is ultimately unavoidable as not everyone shares the same perspective on things.

THAT is what you must guard against. There are a lot of despicable, ignorant, cruel, and downright vicious people in this world. If you allow yourself to be susceptible to their bad intentions then you hand them the power to hurt you. What I am advocating here is not an existence of being blissfully unaware of everyone’s intentions. I am advocating not only awareness of them, but vigilant protection of your own emotional well-being and personal dignity. Any young woman would benefit from guarding herself against the cruel judgments of those around her just as any black man would benefit from guarding against the judgments of racists. Awareness of intent is extremely important to that end.

I'm a slut.

Ask Cluichistan, he seems to know a slut/whore when he sees one.

Been called a nerd slut...called a girl a hoe-bag...oh, well, who cares?

Ask Cluichistan, he seems to know a slut/whore when he sees one.

Well done, cowardly troll, hiding behind a puppet. Spell my user name correctly next time.

Definitely my ex-wife is the slut. And a cheating lying self-obsessed money-orientated gold-digging whore that she is. Americans beware, as she just moved to NY from London.


:sniper:

Well done, cowardly troll, hiding behind a puppet. Spell my user name correctly next time.


A cowardly troll, hiding behind a puppet I may be, but at least I don't disgrace a woman's goodname by calling her a slut/whore/tramp.I am more or a gentlemen, my good sir. Only pricks talk bad about women. Do the math to figure out what that makes you ;)

Been called a nerd slut...called a girl a hoe-bag...oh, well, who cares?
I think it makes you more...alluring.;)

While I'm posting on-topic: my apprentice used to call her best friend a whore, who in turn called her a slut. Just one of those little things to show the other they care.

A cowardly troll, hiding behind a puppet I may be, but at least I don't disgrace a woman's goodname by calling her a slut/whore/tramp.I am more or a gentlemen, my good sir. Only pricks talk bad about women. Do the math to figure out what that makes you ;)
Honest?:confused:

Like you wouldnt beleive. Last night it was Sheniqua, the night before it was Lafaunda, and night before was Laquisha..and the night before.....

Three syllables and ending in 'a'. That's how you know.

Honest?:confused:


Honest.. Why would I lie????

My real name is Slutbun Wolla. So yes... I am a slut.

I know three man-sluts. No female ones though, odd. And, coincidentally, all the man-sluts are gay....I assume that's unrelated.

Honest.. Why would I lie????
Not you. That would make him honest is what I was saying. Not all women are worthy of praise.