NationStates Jolt Archive

An Alaska man went on a brutal 30 minute masturbation spree earlier this month. He targeted a convenience store, a restaurant, a coffee shop, and the outside of a private home. One restaurant employee stated that the same man had been involved in another masturbation incident on a previous date.

What makes a man commit such senseless acts of public self-abuse? How does an otheriwse normal person snap one day and decide he needs to jerk off in front of the general public? Only one thing is certain, until we find out the root causes of public masturbation we as a society shall be doomed to face such events again and again.

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/story/7942789p-7836216c.html

An Alaska man went on a brutal 30 minute masturbation spree earlier this month. He targeted a convenience store, a restaurant, a coffee shop, and the outside of a private home. One restaurant employee stated that the same man had been involved in another masturbation incident on a previous date.

What makes a man commit such senseless acts of public self-abuse? How does an otheriwse normal person snap one day and decide he needs to jerk off in front of the general public? Only one thing is certain, until we find out the root causes of public masturbation we as a society shall be doomed to face such events again and again.

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/story/7942789p-7836216c.html

He was masturbating brutally? Ouch.

Apparently, they caught him red-handed....

or something.

An Alaska man went on a brutal 30 minute masturbation spree earlier this month. He targeted a convenience store, a restaurant, a coffee shop, and the outside of a private home. One restaurant employee stated that the same man had been involved in another masturbation incident on a previous date.

What makes a man commit such senseless acts of public self-abuse? How does an otheriwse normal person snap one day and decide he needs to jerk off in front of the general public? Only one thing is certain, until we find out the root causes of public masturbation we as a society shall be doomed to face such events again and again.

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/story/7942789p-7836216c.html

He should be in custody and remanded to a sperm bank where they are equipped to facilitate his efforts.

Apparently, they caught him red-handed....

or something.


This is one of those times you wouldnt want to have to put the cuffs on the guy.

You'd want that snake stick with the loop on the end that Brock & Marlon Perkins always used on Wild Kingdom.

He just wanted some loving from an Eskimo chick! That all he wanted! :(

He was masturbating brutally? Ouch.

Apparently he was caught red-handed...

or something.

:D

That's nothing, you should check on monkeys

This is one of those times you wouldnt want to have to put the cuffs on the guy.

Id rather have him wearing pants, then the cuffs

He was masturbating brutally? Ouch.

You win the topic.

Poor young fella just had frostbite! He was trying to find a cosy doorstep to massage some life back into his ... er.
EDIT: In any case, he definitely doesn't want to "snap one day."

Poor young fella just had frostbite! He was trying to find a cosy doorstep to massage some life back into his ... er.
EDIT: In any case, he definitely doesn't want to "snap one day."

LOL!

You win the topic.

*bows*

He was masturbating brutally? Ouch.

That could ache.

An Alaska man went on a brutal 30 minute masturbation spree earlier this month. He targeted a convenience store, a restaurant, a coffee shop, and the outside of a private home. One restaurant employee stated that the same man had been involved in another masturbation incident on a previous date.

What makes a man commit such senseless acts of public self-abuse? How does an otheriwse normal person snap one day and decide he needs to jerk off in front of the general public? Only one thing is certain, until we find out the root causes of public masturbation we as a society shall be doomed to face such events again and again.

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/story/7942789p-7836216c.html
Are you implying that there's sensible acts of public abuse?
If so, what, where, when and how.
And more importantly, how do you know of them, hmmm?

As to why this guy did...well, he does live in Alaska. What else is there to do up there?

*bows*
Cluichstan, it seems as if you win every thread.

Then again, http://www.p0stwh0res.com/images/whocares.png

Now, this is a real sign of the end of the world.

Cluichstan, it seems as if you win every thread.

Then again, http://www.p0stwh0res.com/images/whocares.png

You really need to run along, child... :rolleyes:

This is one of those times you wouldnt want to have to put the cuffs on the guy.

You'd want that snake stick with the loop on the end that Brock & Marlon Perkins always used on Wild Kingdom.

Why can't he just stand on a street corner and rant nonsensical babble like everyone else?

Why can't he just stand on a street corner and rant nonsensical babble like everyone else?


And who has to clean up his errant batches of baby-batter?

And who has to clean up his errant batches of baby-batter?

I nominate Fascist Dominion. :p

I nominate Fascist Dominion. :p


At least equip him with a squeegee and perhaps, a hose...

At least equip him with a squeegee and perhaps, a hose...

Nah, he can just use his hand. :p

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29624

The Onion is awesome.

At least equip him with a squeegee and perhaps, a hose...

Eh, just find a dog.

Only one thing is certain, until we find out the root causes of public masturbation we as a society shall be doomed to face such events again and again.

Hehe .... root ....

An Alaska man went on a brutal 30 minute masturbation spree earlier this month. He targeted a convenience store, a restaurant, a coffee shop, and the outside of a private home. One restaurant employee stated that the same man had been involved in another masturbation incident on a previous date.

What makes a man commit such senseless acts of public self-abuse? How does an otheriwse normal person snap one day and decide he needs to jerk off in front of the general public? Only one thing is certain, until we find out the root causes of public masturbation we as a society shall be doomed to face such events again and again.

http://www.adn.com/news/alaska/story/7942789p-7836216c.html


LOL you think thats bad? You should come see the petrol guy at the shop near where I live. He'd out that guy to shame.

LOL you think thats bad? You should come see the petrol guy at the shop near where I live. He'd out that guy to shame.

I find it interesting that you watch him and think that we should join you in watching him.

I find it interesting that you watch him and think that we should join you in watching him.
I don't! Its just hard to avoid :(

I find it interesting that you watch him and think that we should join you in watching him.

Maybe he/she likes to watch.

I find it interesting that you watch him and think that we should join you in watching him.


But if you want to watch I'll give you the address of the shop!

He was masturbating brutally? Ouch.

I know someone who masterbates with a fork... i'll leave you to figure out how he uses it :p

I know someone who masterbates with a fork... i'll leave you to figure out how he uses it :p

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

I know someone who masterbates with a fork... i'll leave you to figure out how he uses it :p

o.O

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29624

The Onion is awesome.
Damn you! You beat me to it! I was just looking for that one!
i love the onion

I know someone who masterbates with a fork... i'll leave you to figure out how he uses it :p

... o. m. g.:eek:

http://www.lapelpinplanet.com/kitchen/kitchen_enlarged_pics/fork-detail.jpg

+

http://www.amyletter.com/weblog/every%20time%20you%20masturbate%20god%20kills%20a%20kitten.jpg

=

http://www.phrank.com/images/sh/season2/wah07.jpg http://www.radiation-pills.com/potassium_iodide_13.jpg

I think it just goes to show what a sorry state the country is in when civil rights are restricted to the point where a man can't masturbate in the privacy of his own local convenience store/restaurant.

I think it just goes to show what a sorry state the country is in when civil rights are restricted to the point where a man can't masturbate in the privacy of his own local convenience store/restaurant.

:D

No, I've never been to Alaska. :)

*reads the thread title*

*dies of laughter*

... o. m. g.:eek:

http://www.lapelpinplanet.com/kitchen/kitchen_enlarged_pics/fork-detail.jpg

+

http://www.amyletter.com/weblog/every%20time%20you%20masturbate%20god%20kills%20a%20kitten.jpg

=

http://www.phrank.com/images/sh/season2/wah07.jpg http://www.radiation-pills.com/potassium_iodide_13.jpg

The thing is I will be living with this guy next year at uni... Oh God!!! What have I let myself in for!

And because I think the community needs protection.
Protection? Pfft. Hes just havin' a wank. He wasn't dangerous.

I was hoping you guys wouldn't hear of this...

I know someone who masterbates with a fork... i'll leave you to figure out how he uses it :p

I know a guy that masturbates with sandpaper. :p





I'm kidding. It's a long running joke I have with my friends, though.

I know a guy that masturbates with sandpaper. :p

Don't you hate it when you post, and no-one says anything? Like you said something either:

(1) Gobsmackingly funny, and no-one wants to be your straight
(2) Totally, reprehensibly wrong, and everyone is ignoring you to make you go away, or
(3) Too clever by half? Everyone else decides to do something else, since they suck at chat.

It ain't like that. You just happened to post then. Happens.

His defence was "yes sir" ? He's not a master debater.

Good for him. The US is a sexually oppressed country anyway.
edit: how the hell can someone do it with a fork, I mean come on.

His defence was "yes sir" ? He's not a master debater.

I'd have thought someone with a handle like WangWee would steer well away from this thread.
You're liable to be arrested on suspicion ;)

His defence was "yes sir" ? He's not a master debater.

Though he may have studied karate with Master Bation.

First words out of his lawyer's mouth:
"This is a sticky situation you've gotten yourself into."

I'd have thought someone with a handle like WangWee would steer well away from this thread.
You're liable to be arrested on suspicion ;)

It wasn't me! I don't have a penis:
http://www.thenewsvault.com/cgi/news.pl?t=448

Though he may have studied karate with Master Bation.

Maybe the whole thing was just an attempt at some ancient karate technique gone wrong?

As to why this guy did...well, he does live in Alaska. What else is there to do up there?
Got questions and whimsy? Ask me. :D

Now, this is a real sign of the end of the world.
Nah, nah ... just the end of the road. :D

Google "Tom Bodett" and "Homer"