NationStates Jolt Archive

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?
No.

somebody's gonna die

I would be more concerned about helping the one that I love in thier healing then taking revenge.

Revenge might get another monster into the grave, but it won't do much to help my love heal and move on.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?
Doing yourself justice? This is SO 16th century.

If your loved one was abused, then the only revenge you can and should get is to take that case of abuse to the police if anything illegal is involved. If it's only emotionnal abuse that doesn't fall into anything illegal, then just forget about it.

Moreover, what the fuck makes you think going after revenge is gonna help your loved one more actually staying at his/her side and helping him/her heal?

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?

I would do neither.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?
Probably neither. What's done is done and any "revenge" would probably hurt the person you love more than help. I would devote my energies to helping the person I loved overcome any lingering effects of abuse.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?

I'm not sure what you mean by "why the person did it." Abusers abuse people because they are emotionally disturbed scumbags. Unless you're planning to enroll them in therapy, what else is there you need to know?

I would be more concerned about helping the one that I love in thier healing then taking revenge.

Revenge might get another monster into the grave, but it won't do much to help my love heal and move on.

Agreed.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?

i would say the past is..the past.

now,as my wife was molested by her dad,i have a brick in this fight.
but i still say,dont look back...look forward.

I would be more concerned about helping the one that I love in thier healing then taking revenge.

Revenge might get another monster into the grave, but it won't do much to help my love heal and move on.
Yeah, that.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?

Well first I could comfort her, and try to get her anything and everything she needs. Then by night, while she sleeps I hunt the bastard down. By day I comfort her. When I finally catch him, Well, let's just say I'm a big fan of Picasso.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?


Figure out why first, revenge has never solved anything.

I would be more concerned about helping the one that I love in thier healing then taking revenge.

Revenge might get another monster into the grave, but it won't do much to help my love heal and move on.
But some of us cannot move on. So we strike with pain and desperation.

Figure out why first, revenge has never solved anything.
But there isn't always a reason, and revenge isn't really designed to solve anything. It's an expression of confused passions.

But there isn't always a reason, and revenge isn't really designed to solve anything. It's an expression of confused passions.


You won't know that until you look into it, sometimes there is a reason. Revenge is not just for confused people its for emotional people who can control it or know how to do things better. Some people bent on revenge are well within their minds.

You won't know that until you look into it, sometimes there is a reason. Revenge is not just for confused people its for emotional people who can control it or know how to do things better. Some people bent on revenge are well within their minds.
I'm not saying you would. Just something to think about. And I'm not saying the people are confused, just that their passions are confused. Into providing the impression that revenge is what they want. I'm not saying they're mad with despair, just that their ambitions tell them they want something they probably don't have cause to

You won't know that until you look into it, sometimes there is a reason. Revenge is not just for confused people its for emotional people who can control it or know how to do things better. Some people bent on revenge are well within their minds.

Sometimes there is a reason for abuse? If that's what you're saying, then I sincerely hope you're not using "reason" to mean anything resembling "justification"...

Sometimes there is a reason for abuse? If that's what you're saying, then I sincerely hope you're not using "reason" to mean anything resembling "justification"...
I think she means it as a cause, not as a justification.

I would help that person who was abused by listening to him/her talk about it and help them through it every way I could. Taking revenge will not help a person get over it and may cause them more harm. If you're in jail for attacking someone, then you can't help your partner. Trying to figure out why someone did it may insult your partner.

I think she means it as a cause, not as a justification.



Yes. There is no way to justify abuse, but some people have a reason and don't just abuse people at random.

Sometimes there is a reason for abuse? If that's what you're saying, then I sincerely hope you're not using "reason" to mean anything resembling "justification"...


Nope, just a reason.

I would definitely try to help, both my loved one and the one who abused him/her. My loved one, because he/she is my loved one and I really don't want anyone to suffer, and the abuser, because I believe that revenge wouldn't make anything better, but I also want him to never do that again. Going to the police is a form of revenge to me. And, as been said before, people who abuse other people usually are very disturbed scumbags who need help, especially someone trying to understand without judging. You might believe this is utopic, but I've already done that kind of thing (no, not abuse but helping abusers as much as abused ones, including myself). I really can't see where this hate comes from. For someone who cares there's always a way.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?

Are we talking an event that occured in the past, or an event that happened, say, yesterday?

Hmm, I’ve never liked a person enough to commit a crime for them that I may not be able to get away with, nor could I imagine doing so. Maybe I’m just sane?

Hm.. I guess I'll be the first to condone revenge in certain cases.. if the abuse is recent and serious, and especially if there's any chance that it might continue.. I'd get the hatchet out of the drawer for that..

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?

Go forth. Good luck.

yes, i'd more worry about helping the loved one heal. as for revenge, i'd get medievel on his/her ass. I'm talking 16th-century. Hells yeah.

Yes, lets go attack / abuse the abuser - that'll solve the problem, and ultimately makes you no better than the abuser.

It's healthier and more benficial if you put your energy into supporting the person that needs it.

Yes, lets go attack / abuse the abuser - that'll solve the problem, and ultimately makes you no better than the abuser.

It's healthier and more benficial if you put your energy into supporting the person that needs it.

Certain kinds of abusers tend to have multiple victims.. consoling the victim isn't enough in those instances.

Certain kinds of abusers tend to have multiple victims.. consoling the victim isn't enough in those instances.
YES!!! THANK YOU!!! You're the first person to see where i'm coming from here.

Certain kinds of abusers tend to have multiple victims.. consoling the victim isn't enough in those instances.

Fair point but my interpretation of the OP is that it's a loved one, one person close to you

Yes. There is no way to justify abuse, but some people have a reason and don't just abuse people at random.
Of course. Just commenting that you meant as much.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?
Oy. Teenagers.

Look, I know that it can feel really great to be dramatic and passionate and use words like "forever" and "I would do anything," but seriously...no.

I would definitely try to help, both my loved one and the one who abused him/her. My loved one, because he/she is my loved one and I really don't want anyone to suffer, and the abuser, because I believe that revenge wouldn't make anything better, but I also want him to never do that again. Going to the police is a form of revenge to me. And, as been said before, people who abuse other people usually are very disturbed scumbags who need help, especially someone trying to understand without judging. You might believe this is utopic, but I've already done that kind of thing (no, not abuse but helping abusers as much as abused ones, including myself). I really can't see where this hate comes from. For someone who cares there's always a way.
It comes from deep within.

yes, i'd more worry about helping the loved one heal. as for revenge, i'd get medievel on his/her ass. I'm talking 16th-century. Hells yeah.
Psst! Sixteenth century is Renaissance.:p

Yes, lets go attack / abuse the abuser - that'll solve the problem, and ultimately makes you no better than the abuser.

It's healthier and more benficial if you put your energy into supporting the person that needs it.
Some of us aren't very good at support. Unless, of course, you mean supporting fire. I'd like to think I would rush out in a vengeful frenzy because I feel most secure when I indulge my anger and hatred, but I doubt I'd be able to tear myself away from my friend's side.

No one i love would be hurt.

Oy. Teenagers.

Look, I know that it can feel really great to be dramatic and passionate and use words like "forever" and "I would do anything," but seriously...no.
Eh...I'm 35 on the Peechian calendar; doesn't that count for something?:p

No one i love would be hurt.
*pushes your grandmother down a flight of stairs*

Let's say it's been a year, but it's happened to two other girls since. Let's say one of your friends has a bad temper and a pair of brass knuckles. Justice isn't always about personal feelings.

Let's say it's been a year, but it's happened to two other girls since. Let's say one of your friends has a bad temper and a pair of brass knuckles. Justice isn't always about personal feelings.
I think you mistake the notions of justice and revenge.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?
I was abused as a child, and my husband knows all the painful details about it, he would never go out for "revenge" because he respects me, he knows that doing that would hurt me just as much as the abuse did.

If the person continues to abuse then they should be stopped - by police intervention.

going after them with brass knuckles is revenge not justice, it will only continue the cycle

Who ever did will die in the most horrible way I can think of.

I think you mistake the notions of justice and revenge.

Perhaps in that sentence, yes. I suppose I was trying to express that this was more about justice than revenge. Revenge would involve taking a gun and killing the son of a bitch. Justice is more about teaching him a lesson.

I was abused as a child, and my husband knows all the painful details about it, he would never go out for "revenge" because he respects me, he knows that doing that would hurt me just as much as the abuse did.
Precisely. That's why I could never actually avenge anything of that nature, however much I might like to do so.

I think there would probably be a lot of blood after i finished.

Perhaps in that sentence, yes. I suppose I was trying to express that this was more about justice than revenge. Revenge would involve taking a gun and killing the son of a bitch. Justice is more about teaching him a lesson.
Yeah, well, my statement was case sensitive, to give a different meaning to the term.

I think there would probably be a lot of blood after i finished.
You should prolly get that looked at.:p

Perhaps in that sentence, yes. I suppose I was trying to express that this was more about justice than revenge. Revenge would involve taking a gun and killing the son of a bitch. Justice is more about teaching him a lesson.


Justice would entail a resolution, and end to the problem. Beating him up nothing more then venting your anger at his abhorrent acts.

When abusers are treated like monsters they tend to recommit, but if we imprison and treat them (and often this entails not releasing them again if they cannot be treated) then we put an end to the abuse.

Most abusers were abused themselves as children...

Justice would entail a resolution, and end to the problem. Beating him up nothing more then venting your anger at his abhorrent acts.

When abusers are treated like monsters they tend to recommit, but if we imprison and treat them (and often this entails not releasing them again if they cannot be treated) then we put an end to the abuse.

Most abusers were abused themselves as children...
That's because they don't know how else to act anymore. They're used to people treating them like monsters, so they further become the monsters. It's important to realize that there's a person in there somewhere.

Precisely. That's why I could never actually avenge anything of that nature, however much I might like to do so.
true, I get that he is the same way.

The thing I like about my husband (okay one of the many things) is that he has complete control over his actions 100% of the time, although he might want to hurt the people who hurt me, he won't. ;) It makes a girl feel safe :D

true, I get that he is the same way.

The thing I like about my husband (okay one of the many things) is that he has complete control over his actions 100% of the time, although he might want to hurt the people who hurt me, he won't. ;) It makes a girl feel safe :D
*jots down notes*
Good to know I can raise my standards a bit now. I'm a good investment.:cool:

someone hits my girlfriend they get a beatin in return. someone rapes or kills my girlfriend and they should hope the cops find them before I do. Not that would help them in their case since her Dad is a cop :)

someone hits my girlfriend they get a beatin in return. someone rapes or kills my girlfriend and they should hope the cops find them before I do. Not that would help them in their case since her Dad is a cop :)
+1

+1

+2?

*jots down notes*
Good to know I can raise my standards a bit now. I'm a good investment.:cool:
yeah, there is something to be said for a man who can rip a person limb from limb but has the self control not to.

My husband is quite intimidating to see, he is over 6 feet tall and 230lbs (not fat mind you) people see him and think "he could hurt me...badly" and he could, but he won't.
;)

+2?
No! +1 for you. Now +2 for me.

So, NONE of you guys would go out and kick some ass if your girlfriend/boyfriend was hurt??

Ok, here's another question, how many of us are in a relationship that has lasted longer than six month.

I have, one year. My girlfriend knows that anyone who hurt her will have to deal with me, and I can cause them as much pain as they caused her. However, the rule we have is that I comfort her first. Comfort first, depense pain later.

No! +1 for you. Now +2 for me.

+infinity for me ;)

yeah, there is something to be said for a man who can rip a person limb from limb but has the self control not to.

My husband is quite intimidating to see, he is over 6 feet tall and 230lbs (not fat mind you) people see him and think "he could hurt me...badly" and he could, but he won't.
;)
I never said I could, but that wouldn't stop me from trying.;) I've got one of those crazy looks in my eye that usually makes people more'n a little uncomfortable, so I suppose it balances out. I may not be able to tear someone apart myself, but at least I give people the impression I can build a machine to do it for me.:D

I would be more concerned about helping the one that I love in their healing then taking revenge.

I agree. Revenge solves nothing. And I'm more the nurture type anyway.

So, NONE of you guys would go out and kick some ass if your girlfriend/boyfriend was hurt??

Ok, here's another question, how many of us are in a relationship that has lasted longer than six month.

I have, one year. My girlfriend knows that anyone who hurt her will have to deal with me, and I can cause them as much pain as they caused her. However, the rule we have is that I comfort her first. Comfort first, depense pain later.
That's the part that would stop me. I'd have to do it immediately, or I'd lose the passion in its prime. And emotional recovery takes lots of time, so I wouldn't be willing to leave her side for someone else.

+infinity for me ;)
Doesn't work that way, n00b.:p

I agree. Revenge solves nothing. And I'm more the nurture type anyway.
I could use some nurturing....
*puppy dog eyes*

That's the part that would stop me. I'd have to do it immediately, or I'd lose the passion in its prime. And emotional recovery takes lots of time, so I wouldn't be willing to leave her side for someone else.

Yea... that is true, and Liz does come first for me... hmmm.

I could use some nurturing....
*puppy dog eyes*

I'll give you some nurturing! :p

I could use some nurturing....
*puppy dog eyes*

But I'm not in that kind of relationship with you :p

I'm sure you're fine ;)

So, NONE of you guys would go out and kick some ass if your girlfriend/boyfriend was hurt??

Ok, here's another question, how many of us are in a relationship that has lasted longer than six month.

I have, one year. My girlfriend knows that anyone who hurt her will have to deal with me, and I can cause them as much pain as they caused her. However, the rule we have is that I comfort her first. Comfort first, depense pain later.

how exactly is it going to be comforting to her if you prove to her that you can't control yourself either?

do you think it makes you a better man because you can hurt someone?

if that's so, than isn't the person who hurt her a good person too?

one year, big deal. I'm past four years. we'll be married after we both graduate. we actually play the what if game when we're bored and she's asked me what I'd do...seemed happy with the responce too

I'll give you some nurturing! :p

Please do :p

To FD, that is.

I'm going to firmly straddle the fence.

I was abused as a child, but due to the circumstances, my husband and I have never tried to do anything (legal or violent) about it. We won't. The past is the past and any further offense is highly unlikely.

HOWEVER, if someone were to do something to MY daughter, they should be fearing for their life. Particularly if they were nearby at the time I found out. I doubt I'd hunt them down to kill them, but boy if they were handy...

Yea... that is true, and Liz does come first for me... hmmm.
I win!:D :cool:

I'll give you some nurturing! :p
Eh...I don't swing that way.;)

But I'm not in that kind of relationship with you :p

I'm sure you're fine ;)
:eek: Why would you ever think I meant such a thing!? Why would I ever want to be in that sort of relationship with you?

how exactly is it going to be comforting to her if you prove to her that you can't control yourself either?

At least the bastard won't be bothering anyone ever again.


do you think it makes you a better man because you can hurt someone?


No, I'm better because where one person hurts someone for some sick pleasure or whatever the fucked up reason is. I hurt because I care about my girl and I don't want the bastard to come back and hurt her again.


if that's so, than isn't the person who hurt her a good person too?

Nope.

Please do :p

To FD, that is.
And here I thought we had such a beautiful friendship.:(

i'm sure the girl would understand if she was getting raped and her boyfriend stood their watching and saying "are you ok? how can I help" instead of doing something about it. .

And here I thought we had such a beautiful friendship.:(

Sure we do! :D .

At least the bastard won't be bothering anyone ever again.
so you are going to kill him? how does it serve your girlfriend for you to be in jail for murder?

No, I'm better because where one person hurts someone for some sick pleasure or whatever the fucked up reason is. I hurt because I care about my girl and I don't want the bastard to come back and hurt her again.
no, you are hurting them to make yourself feel better....oh, wait, just like the abuser does.

I'm going to firmly straddle the fence.

I was abused as a child, but due to the circumstances, my husband and I have never tried to do anything (legal or violent) about it. We won't. The past is the past and any further offense is highly unlikely.

HOWEVER, if someone were to do something to MY daughter, they should be fearing for their life. Particularly if they were nearby at the time I found out. I doubt I'd hunt them down to kill them, but boy if they were handy...
Firmly straddle, eh?;) You asked for it!

i'm sure the girl would understand if she was getting raped and her boyfriend stood their watching and saying "are you ok? how can I help" instead of doing something about it. .

In that situation, the guy would become a female if you catch my drift. Then he would become a living breathing picasso painting.

I'm a violent person I know, but hey if you hurt anyone that I love and care about, I will come after you and I will make sure it doesn't happen agian.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?


I would support my partner in his or her therapy in getting over it, and I would get anger management therapy for myself.

Becoming abusive oneself is harmful to everyone and solves nothing.

Sure we do! :D .
Not you!:mad:

In that situation, the guy would become a female if you catch my drift. Then he would become a living breathing picasso painting.

I'm a violent person I know, but hey if you hurt anyone that I love and care about, I will come after you and I will make sure it doesn't happen agian.


i catch your drift :)

I'm not a violent person (unles I'm drinking tequilla of course :p). Never been in a fight, doesn't mean I doubt what I would do if pushed far enough. And fucking around with my girl definetly counts as far enough

so you are going to kill him? how does it serve your girlfriend for you to be in jail for murder?

Who said anything about murder? Breaking his legs, cutting off his private parts and then busting his jaws while on the way to the emergency room is just as effective. Beside, why would the guy go to the police, I could easily turn him in for assault, rape, or whatever he did. So, he basically screwed himself.


no, you are hurting them to make yourself feel better....oh, wait, just like the abuser does.

I take it you did not see my comments about these kind of things, you know trying to give criminals right when they don't have any rights. Rmember your rights end when the other guy's nose begins. So as far as I'm concern the guy who hurts Liz has no right and revoked them the minute he hurt her. and no, I don't take pleasure in hurting other people, however, I know that one of my job as boyfriend and someday Husband is to protect Liz, and to make sure she is happy, ane well care for. That is why I put that I will comfort her first, THEN go after the guy. You missed that part.

so you are going to kill him? how does it serve your girlfriend for you to be in jail for murder?


no, you are hurting them to make yourself feel better....oh, wait, just like the abuser does.
It wouldn't make me feel better, but it would take my mind off the pain for a bit.

I would support my partner in his or her therapy in getting over it, and I would get anger management therapy for myself.

Becoming abusive oneself is harmful to everyone and solves nothing.
*bows before the wisdom of Teh M0dz0r*

Not you!:mad:

But...we'll always have Paris.....right? :(

Who said anything about murder? Breaking his legs, cutting off his private parts and then busting his jaws while on the way to the emergency room is just as effective. Beside, why would the guy go to the police, I could easily turn him in for assault, rape, or whatever he did. So, he basically screwed himself.



I take it you did not see my comments about these kind of things, you know trying to give criminals right when they don't have any rights. Rmember your rights end when the other guy's nose begins. So as far as I'm concern the guy who hurts Liz has no right and revoked them the minute he hurt her. and no, I don't take pleasure in hurting other people, however, I know that one of my job as boyfriend and someday Husband is to protect Liz, and to make sure she is happy, ane well care for. That is why I put that I will comfort her first, THEN go after the guy. You missed that part.
But aren't those imprisonable offences?

And didn't you agree with me that consolation and recovery takes much time and care?

But aren't those imprisonable offences?

And didn't you agree with me that consolation and recovery takes much time and care?

Yes they do, but I cannot in my right mind just let the bastard go free without making him suffer alittle. I want him to feel the same pain that Liz felt when he hurt her.

But...we'll always have Paris.....right? :(
No, I've never been. But I was in Ma...well, I'd better not discuss that.

Who said anything about murder? Breaking his legs, cutting off his private parts and then busting his jaws while on the way to the emergency room is just as effective. Beside, why would the guy go to the police, I could easily turn him in for assault, rape, or whatever he did. So, he basically screwed himself.
abusing an abuser is not going to stop them, they are sick in the head, they can't stop themselves, why do you think that some bruises and broken bones are going to make any difference?

If someone hurts a person and thier spouse (sig other whatever) goes out to seek revenge, they can and most times will be charged with assualt. Two wrongs don't make a right. You can't expect for the law to ignore your actions.



I take it you did not see my comments about these kind of things, you know trying to give criminals right when they don't have any rights.
but criminals do have rights, the right to due process, the right to not be beaten to death, the right to expect fair treatment under the law.

how old are you 12?

Rmember your rights end when the other guy's nose begins. So as far as I'm concern the guy who hurts Liz has no right and revoked them the minute he hurt her.
:rolleyes: I am sure that will go over well at your hearing.

and no, I don't take pleasure in hurting other people, however, I know that one of my job as boyfriend and someday Husband is to protect Liz, and to make sure she is happy, ane well care for.
your job is to be supportive of her and to be a good boyfriend (husband someday maybe) but not to "protect" her by using violence, nor is it to "make her happy" your job is to be honest, respectful, and loving. There is nothing loving about "cutting off someone's private parts" or breaking the law so that you can feel like a "real man"

That is why I put that I will comfort her first, THEN go after the guy. You missed that part.
and you missed the part where going after the guy doesn't consider her comfort, nor does it serve her well either.

No, I've never been. But I was in Ma...well, I'd better not discuss that.

But..that night was special to us!

*sobs*

j/k, I love to mess around like this. :p

Yes they do, but I cannot in my right mind just let the bastard go free without making him suffer alittle. I want him to feel the same pain that Liz felt when he hurt her.
But why? "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." ~Ghandi
Would you really want to become what he is?

abusing an abuser is not going to stop them, they are sick in the head, they can't stop themselves, why do you think that some bruises and broken bones are going to make any difference?

If someone hurts a person and thier spouse (sig other whatever) goes out to seek revenge, they can and most times will be charged with assualt. Two wrongs don't make a right. You can't expect for the law to ignore your actions.




but criminals do have rights, the right to due process, the right to not be beaten to death, the right to expect fair treatment under the law.

how old are you 12?


:rolleyes: I am sure that will go over well at your hearing.


your job is to be supportive of her and to be a good boyfriend (husband someday maybe) but not to "protect" her by using violence, nor is it to "make her happy" your job is to be honest, respectful, and loving. There is nothing loving about "cutting off someone's private parts" or breaking the law so that you can feel like a "real man"


and you missed the part where going after the guy doesn't consider her comfort, nor does it serve her well either.
How old are you, 35?:p

The point I am trying to make, and apparently failing at, is that I was brought up to believe (and I do) that a husband's responsibility to his wife is to Love her, care for her, provide for her, to keep her in health, and to protect her. Now if a bastard comes and hurt Liz, I have obviously failed to protect her, so in my mind, I must make up for that, and the only way I can see where I can make up for that is by hurting the guy. That's just the way I see the whole situation.

But..that night was special to us!

*sobs*

j/k, I love to mess around like this. :p
There never was an us. But she rather enjoyed it.;)

And I love thwarting it.:p

But why? "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." ~Ghandi
Would you really want to become what he is?

How did we equate Rapist/abuser/assaulter = a guy making sure he doesn't do it again?

The point I am trying to make, and apparently failing at, is that I was brought up to believe (and I do) that a husband's responsibility to his wife is to Love her, care for her, provide for her, to keep her in health, and to protect her. Now if a bastard comes and hurt Liz, I have obviously failed to protect her, so in my mind, I must make up for that, and the only way I can see where I can make up for that is by hurting the guy. That's just the way I see the whole situation.
No, the way you can make up for it is with compassion and moral fortitude. You can be there for her instead of chasing him on some foolish vendetta and spending thirty years paying for it while she suffers more without you.

The point I am trying to make, and apparently failing at, is that I was brought up to believe (and I do) that a husband's responsibility to his wife is to Love her, care for her, provide for her, to keep her in health, and to protect her. Now if a bastard comes and hurt Liz, I have obviously failed to protect her, so in my mind, I must make up for that, and the only way I can see where I can make up for that is by hurting the guy. That's just the way I see the whole situation.
and the point that I am trying to make (and apparently failing at) is that as a husband you are to be the leader in the household, you are the person who holds things together, letting your temper get the best of you serves nobody least of all your wife.

Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

but then again I take a Biblical view.......

How did we equate Rapist/abuser/assaulter = a guy making sure he doesn't do it again?
assaulting someone for whatever reason (revenge, anger, you didn't get corn pops for breakfast, ect.) is wrong.

the problem with justice, at least here in the US, is that its not justice. A rapist may go to jail for 15-20 but be out in 6-8 on good behavior. What do they do when they are out? rape more girls. Wow, justice really served people really well there. If we actually imposed punishments on these people instead of putting them in a heated cell with cable tv, exercise rooms, and three (free!) square meals a day then I could react differently but we won't do that because its "inhumane". Call me a vigalante or whatever you want but someone will extract justice if they hurt my girl and I know it will be me because the system sure as hell won't.

How did we equate Rapist/abuser/assaulter = a guy making sure he doesn't do it again?
It's the effect it has on you. Usually a rapist/abuse/assulter strikes out for the same reason: they hurt and they want it to go away. And that's the only thing they can think to do to take their minds off it.

hmmm, so the question for me then is, if I have failed to protect her in this situation, then how do I make up for that failure hmmm.

the problem with justice, at least here in the US, is that its not justice. A rapist may go to jail for 15-20 but be out in 6-8 on good behavior. What do they do when they are out? rape more girls. Wow, justice really served people really well there. If we actually imposed punishments on these people instead of putting them in a heated cell with cable tv, exercise rooms, and three (free!) square meals a day then I could react differently but we won't do that because its "inhumane". Call me a vigalante or whatever you want but someone will extract justice if they hurt my girl and I know it will be me because the system sure as hell won't.
then you get into the discussion (which btw is off topic) of whether or not jail is to punish, rehabilitate, or to protect the rights of others.

hmmm, so the question for me then is, if I have failed to protect her in this situation, then how do I make up for that failure hmmm.
by being supportive, protecting her by keeping her safe from her own feelings, making sure that the crime is reported, and going to therapy with her, listening to her when she needs to talk, and loving her.

then you get into the discussion (which btw is off topic) of whether or not jail is to punish, rehabilitate, or to protect the rights of others.

i say punish but it is off topic so yeah. I'm just trying to explain why I'd go find whoever would dare to hurt my girl

and the point that I am trying to make (and apparently failing at) is that as a husband you are to be the leader in the household, you are the person who holds things together, letting your temper get the best of you serves nobody least of all your wife.

Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

but then again I take a Biblical view.......
That it is biblical is irrelevant. As a man of another faith, I still confirm the truth in it. I just wish....hmm, prolly not the time to talk of it. Carry on.

then you get into the discussion (which btw is off topic) of whether or not jail is to punish, rehabilitate, or to protect the rights of others.

He does have a point though, we no longer have the prison like Alcathraz, nowanddays Prisons are basically hotels for criminals.

That would depend on when the abuse happened. If it was years ago, I'd comfort her, urge her to go to the authorities, and be supportive. If it was happening currently, I'd stop it, and wouldn't be bothered if it required "excessive force".

He does have a point though, we no longer have the prison like Alcathraz, nowanddays Prisons are basically hotels for criminals.
it shouldn't matter if the purpose of jail (as I see it) is to protect the rights of the citizens on the outside.

btw, child molesters can get the death penalty in my state

That it is biblical is irrelevant. As a man of another faith, I still confirm the truth in it. I just wish....hmm, prolly not the time to talk of it. Carry on.
start a thred about it, we can talk. ;) I know you have questions. .... :D

the problem with justice, at least here in the US, is that its not justice. A rapist may go to jail for 15-20 but be out in 6-8 on good behavior. What do they do when they are out? rape more girls. Wow, justice really served people really well there. If we actually imposed punishments on these people instead of putting them in a heated cell with cable tv, exercise rooms, and three (free!) square meals a day then I could react differently but we won't do that because its "inhumane". Call me a vigalante or whatever you want but someone will extract justice if they hurt my girl and I know it will be me because the system sure as hell won't.
Then take that up with the system itself. Join the global revolution.

it shouldn't matter if the purpose of jail (as I see it) is to protect the rights of the citizens on the outside.

btw, child molesters can get the death penalty in my state

Eh in my state, they're usually release into the general prison population and they "die" in prison.

by being supportive, protecting her by keeping her safe from her own feelings, making sure that the crime is reported, and going to therapy with her, listening to her when she needs to talk, and loving her.

Hmm, you have a point here. In the aftermath of this situation, Liz will probably go into one of her espisode and won't be herself for a long time, It is more important for me to be there for her in that time because she does need someone that she can still trust to be there for her. An event like this could put her right back into her shell that she came out of...

start a thred about it, we can talk. ;) I know you have questions. .... :D
I could try, but Firefox isn't terribly friendly with those sorts of links. I dunno why. And how do you know I have questions?:eek:

Then take that up with the system itself. Join the global revolution.


i think my solutions for prisons would be considered quite 'inhumane' by the global standard. Unles of course I took it up solely with China or someone like that :p

I could try, but Firefox isn't terribly friendly with those sorts of links. I dunno why.
yeah, I get that sometimes too, I end up starting the thred in IE (which I hate) and then following up with my Firefox.
And how do you know I have questions?:eek:
everyone does. It's like some crime against women that I am submissive to my husband. :P

i think my solutions for prisons would be considered quite 'inhumane' by the global standard. Unles of course I took it up solely with China or someone like that :p

I say reopen Alcathraz and model every prison after Alcathraz.

its not so much the prison itself I have a problem with, although I do object to paying for rapists and murders to have cable tv and better food than I do, especially when my taxes are paying for it.

Punishments should be more ... severe...

its not so much the prison itself I have a problem with, although I do object to paying for rapists and murders to have cable tv and better food than I do, especially when my taxes are paying for it.

Punishments should be more ... severe...

Yea, but then peole here in the USA would get up in arms about it because we're being too cruel and etc.

Yea, but then peole here in the USA would get up in arms about it because we're being too cruel and etc.

exactly the problem

Hmm, you have a point here. In the aftermath of this situation, Liz will probably go into one of her espisode and won't be herself for a long time, It is more important for me to be there for her in that time because she does need someone that she can still trust to be there for her. An event like this could put her right back into her shell that she came out of...
I feel so unloved and ignored.:(

No, the way you can make up for it is with compassion and moral fortitude. You can be there for her instead of chasing him on some foolish vendetta and spending thirty years paying for it while she suffers more without you.

I feel so unoved and ignored.:(

lol, ok so you were the first one to post it I'm sorry, and I do love you!

:fluffle:

i think my solutions for prisons would be considered quite 'inhumane' by the global standard. Unles of course I took it up solely with China or someone like that :p
No, no. I meant the philosopher's revolution, the one where everyone seeks wisdom and fairness and seeks a united globe.

Anyone abuses my girlfriend in any way will die a very painful horrible death. I don't care about reforming the abuser. He is a sick fuck that doesn't deserve life. And I don't fear getting caught, because there would be no body left to identify. He would disapear, and considering that the abuser would be a sick, demented ass hole who deserved to die anyways, I doub't any one would miss him.

yeah, I get that sometimes too, I end up starting the thred in IE (which I hate) and then following up with my Firefox.

everyone does. It's like some crime against women that I am submissive to my husband. :P
:eek: IE!? Aww, do I have to? I don't have time now. But maybe soon. It'll be the first thread I ever create.

Crime? No, I figure it prolly just suits you best. Whatever works for you two. There are questions, but I don't know how to ask them yet. That's what the thread's for I suppose.

Anyone abuses my girlfriend in any way will die a very painful horrible death. I don't care about reforming the abuser. He is a sick fuck that doesn't deserve life. And I don't fear getting caught, because there would be no body left to identify. He would disapear, and considering that the abuser would be a sick, demented ass hole who deserved to die anyways, I doub't any one would miss him.

and what will your gf do during this time? If you really do love her, you should put her needs and wants above everything else.

and what will your gf do during this time? If you really do love her, you should put her needs and wants above everything else.

I'll console her durring the day, and whilst she sleeps, I'll hunt.

it takes 15 minutes to teach someone a lesson

lol, ok so you were the first one to post it I'm sorry, and I do love you!

:fluffle:
Everyone does.:cool:

I'll console her durring the day, and whilst she sleeps, I'll hunt.

I doubt she'll be sleeping much after this.

and what will your gf do during this time? If you really do love her, you should put her needs and wants above everything else.
Another one reformed, eh?;)

I'd support her completely, and take care of her until she healed.

Then, since revenge IS best served cold, I'd obliterate whoever dared attack her. Completely, but making sure he'd get to live to see what I did.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?
I didn't, so no.

Then again, the abuse happened long before I even knew the person.

A new game called Spot the contradiction:
He does have a point though, we no longer have the prison like Alcathraz, nowanddays Prisons are basically hotels for criminals.
Eh in my state, they're usually release into the general prison population and they "die" in prison.

It's interesting examining the human phsyche, and perspectives on a situation that can have double-standards.

It's interesting examining the human phsyche, and perspectives on a situation that can have double-standards.
what double standards?

let me take that more of the contradictory statements, that people have said on the forum.

let me take that more of the contradictory statements, that people have said on the forum.
can you provide me with examples?

can you provide me with examples?
Yes, but no.:p

can you provide me with examples?
Are you guys talking about my last post?

"Spot the contradiction"?

Doing yourself justice? This is SO 16th century.

If your loved one was abused, then the only revenge you can and should get is to take that case of abuse to the police if anything illegal is involved. If it's only emotionnal abuse that doesn't fall into anything illegal, then just forget about it.

Moreover, what the fuck makes you think going after revenge is gonna help your loved one more actually staying at his/her side and helping him/her heal?

Agreed.

Are you guys talking about my last post?

"Spot the contradiction"?
dude, I have no clue what we are talking about, I keep asking questions, but get no answers.

dude, I have no clue what we are talking about, I keep asking questions, but get no answers.
:confused: I'm not sure either. Oh well. Fuggeddabout it.

I'd start kicking major ass.

I'd find a guillotine. :D
I like French execution methods!

I'd find a guillotine. :D
I like French execution methods!
Bah! The French were pansies. They should have learned to do it right from the Germans.:p

As far as the police station, the courtroom.

"Honor killings" and "revenge killings" are unacceptable and justly criminal.

As far as the police station, the courtroom.

"Honor killings" and "revenge killings" are unacceptable and justly criminal.
We covered that somewhere.

In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior. Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626)

This should be a poll with two options:

- Revenge

- Wuss Out

This should be a poll with two options:

- Revenge

- Wuss Out

So, you think any guy who puts revenge ahead of being their for his girlfriend/boyfriend whatever is a wuss? In the aftermath of such an incident, the significant other will need someone that they can still trust to be there for them, to comfort them, to support them etc.

So, you think any guy who puts revenge ahead of being their for his girlfriend/boyfriend whatever is a wuss? In the aftermath of such an incident, the significant other will need someone that they can still trust to be there for them, to comfort them, to support them etc.
Ok, 3 options:

- Revenge

- Wuss Out

- This option is here just so you know that I am kidding.

So, you think any guy who puts revenge ahead of being their for his girlfriend/boyfriend whatever is a wuss? In the aftermath of such an incident, the significant other will need someone that they can still trust to be there for them, to comfort them, to support them etc.
Don't listen to him. It takes greater fortitude to release petty vengeance and exist for another instead of oneself.

what does revenge solve though even if you kill the man who abused your girlfriend? There's a million other sick people on earth that'd do the same thing, wouldn't you want to reason with them understand them, instead of gloryfying the idea of revenge and violence?

what does revenge solve though even if you kill the man who abused your girlfriend? There's a million other sick people on earth that'd do the same thing, wouldn't you want to reason with them understand them, instead of gloryfying the idea of revenge and violence?
Eh, you're too late. We've already converted:
http://img82.imageshack.us/img82/1726/hijack5er.jpg

Doing yourself justice? This is SO 16th century.


Indeed-- the only thing funnier than reverting to dark-age barbarism is the state of the modern justice system itself. Have you noticed what passes for justice nowadays? House arrests, slaps on the wrists, farce after farce. The more lax the legal system gets the more tempting it gets just to go out and kill some scumballs-- partly because penalties for crime are getting so soft, partly to make a point.

To buddy that started this thread: if someone you love was [I]victimised[I], and it looks like pursuing legal recourse would be ineffective-- or worse, would further victimise your loved one, making slight of their suffering by not adequately punishing the wrong-doer-- then whatever the law might do to you for taking things into your own hands, the most important arbiter of what you can live with is not a judge or a jail, but your conscience. What can you live with? Which would make you feel worse: serving time (because someone who wasn't effected by the crime condemns you) for exacting revenge, or letting someone you care about go unavenged?

Doing yourself justice? This is SO 16th century.


Indeed-- the only thing funnier than reverting to dark-age barbarism is the state of the modern justice system itself. Have you noticed what passes for justice nowadays? House arrests, slaps on the wrists, farce after farce. The more lax the legal system gets the more tempting it gets just to go out and kill some scumballs-- partly because penalties for crime are getting so soft, partly to make a point.

To buddy that started this thread: if someone you love was [I]victimised[I], and it looks like pursuing legal recourse would be ineffective-- or worse, would further victimise your loved one, making slight of their suffering by not adequately punishing the wrong-doer-- then whatever the law might do to you for taking things into your own hands, the most important arbiter of what you can live with is not a judge or a jail, but your conscience. What can you live with? Which would make you feel worse: serving time (because someone who wasn't effected by the crime condemns you) for exacting revenge, or letting someone you care about go unavenged?

I would actually be my girl's side and help her through the psychological turmoil. And teach her to not let it hold her back, but rather make her stronger. Use the anger, the hate, the hurt, to empower her. Embrace the darkside!:mp5:

What would be the point of getting revenge? Sure if I did one less scumbag on the Earth, but i've been inlove, (even if she didn't love me) and I learned that the important thing is not to destroy the enemy, but make yourself indestructible. I'd want only the same for my boo.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.

how far would you go? Let's say you love this person very much, and figure out they were abused in some form, would you go for revenge on the person who abused your partner or...would try to figure out why the person did it?


my ex was abused,and i considered revenge...then i looked at this feeble old man..let him die with his guilt is the conclusion i came too...now a child molester,and still fit...buh bye.

Indeed-- the only thing funnier than reverting to dark-age barbarism is the state of the modern justice system itself. Have you noticed what passes for justice nowadays? House arrests, slaps on the wrists, farce after farce. The more lax the legal system gets the more tempting it gets just to go out and kill some scumballs-- partly because penalties for crime are getting so soft, partly to make a point.

To buddy that started this thread: if someone you love was [I]victimised[I], and it looks like pursuing legal recourse would be ineffective-- or worse, would further victimise your loved one, making slight of their suffering by not adequately punishing the wrong-doer-- then whatever the law might do to you for taking things into your own hands, the most important arbiter of what you can live with is not a judge or a jail, but your conscience. What can you live with? Which would make you feel worse: serving time (because someone who wasn't effected by the crime condemns you) for exacting revenge, or letting someone you care about go unavenged?
What would make me feel worst is not being there for her in her hour of need because I was too involved in some damned crusade. Vengeance is all fine and dandy on my own time and well-being, but I wouldn't sacrifice hers for my own petty desires. The real question is which is of greater value: comforting and assisting her recovery or abandoning her to pursue a similar indulgence to the one committed against her?

I would actually be my girl's side and help her through the psychological turmoil. And teach her to not let it hold her back, but rather make her stronger. Use the anger, the hate, the hurt, to empower her. Embrace the darkside!:mp5:

What would be the point of getting revenge? Sure if I did one less scumbag on the Earth, but i've been inlove, (even if she didn't love me) and I learned that the important thing is not to destroy the enemy, but make yourself indestructible. I'd want only the same for my boo.

Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Teach a man how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.
The dark side? Do you have any idea what the dark side is like? You wouldn't be safe either, you know. No one would. The real dark side destroys everything. It slowly consumes its weilder, driving him to madness and despair. No, the dark side is not an option if you truly care. I know first-hand that it's more painful than living. It is a curse cloaked in a tender blessing.

I'd rpobably run away.

My fiance was abused for much of her life-starting in costa rica, and ending in Ohio. It basically made her a monster, a ticking time bomb. I thought I could help her snap out of it, but here's my view on it-

YOU CAN'T FIX A BROKEN SHIP! BAIL OUT!

:(

Yeah I still miss tossing her up in the air....sucks sooo bad.

I'd rpobably run away.

My fiance was abused for much of her life-starting in costa rica, and ending in Ohio. It basically made her a monster, a ticking time bomb. I thought I could help her snap out of it, but here's my view on it-

YOU CAN'T FIX A BROKEN SHIP! BAIL OUT!

:(

Yeah I still miss tossing her up in the air....sucks sooo bad.

then how would you be a true partner or friend to someone who goes through this type of pain?

then how would you be a true partner or friend to someone who goes through this type of pain?
He wouldn't really, methinks. Sounds like a coward to me.

He wouldn't really, methinks. Sounds like a coward to me.

exactly

then how would you be a true partner or friend to someone who goes through this type of pain?

For a year I gave it my all-and it worked. SHe was happy, content, and herself. Life couldn't get any better. We had devotions twice a week, but in the end it didn't matter, she ended up falling into a destructive cycle of parties, heavy drinking, and did have a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage.

Dude, it's painful, I know. I was planning on marrying this girl! Do you know what was going through my head? So many things. I wanted to paint the wall with my brains. But in the end, it would have accomplished nothing-I would have been dead, she would still be a whore, and I'd have left the world a selfish self centered individual.

So I have focused on trying to get back in touch with the creator, and trying to help others when I can. The last verse in the book of matthew (28-34 I beleive) is very comforting.

Of course, and when I got home I found out my little sister was doing the same thing. :headbang: God blessed me, tests me, blesses me, tests me....

You can't fix a girl who is reliving her past nightmares and experiances in her head. If she has moved on past them, accepted them, and made a conscious decision to make the most of it and live on, you can be that person's lover.


exactly

Hardly.

For a year I gave it my all-and it worked. SHe was happy, content, and herself. Life couldn't get any better. We had devotions twice a week, but in the end it didn't matter, she ended up falling into a destructive cycle of parties, heavy drinking, and did have a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage.

Dude, it's painful, I know. I was planning on marrying this girl! Do you know what was going through my head? So many things. I wanted to paint the wall with my brains. But in the end, it would have accomplished nothing-I would have been dead, she would still be a whore, and I'd have left the world a selfish self centered individual.

So I have focused on trying to get back in touch with the creator, and trying to help others when I can. The last verse in the book of matthew (28-34 I beleive) is very comforting.

Of course, and when I got home I found out my little sister was doing the same thing. :headbang: God blessed me, tests me, blesses me, tests me....

You can't fix a girl who is reliving her past nightmares and experiances in her head. If she has moved on past them, accepted them, and made a conscious decision to make the most of it and live on, you can be that person's lover.




Hardly.


I apologize for the misunderstanding of what you said before.

Figured I'd start another post.

If she has chosen consciously to move on and accept what's happened to her, you CAN make a difference. The key thing is her moving on and accepting it-my fiance chose to relive it and dwell on it, and it ate her up and turned her into a ticking time bomb and a monster.

Help your girl, have her go see a councilor, or even better, a GOOD pastor who KNOWS how to council others. Go to it together, let her know you are with her 100% and help her, remind her, and leave those little sticky notes on the fridge reminding her you're there for her if she has painful flashbacks. The thought (to her) of being in your arms safe WILL erase those memories that seem to pop up when certain things key them on.

I apologize for the misunderstanding of what you said before.

NO problem bro, if you need help or advice shoot me a TM.

For a year I gave it my all-and it worked. SHe was happy, content, and herself. Life couldn't get any better. We had devotions twice a week, but in the end it didn't matter, she ended up falling into a destructive cycle of parties, heavy drinking, and did have a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage.

Dude, it's painful, I know. I was planning on marrying this girl! Do you know what was going through my head? So many things. I wanted to paint the wall with my brains. But in the end, it would have accomplished nothing-I would have been dead, she would still be a whore, and I'd have left the world a selfish self centered individual.

So I have focused on trying to get back in touch with the creator, and trying to help others when I can. The last verse in the book of matthew (28-34 I beleive) is very comforting.

Of course, and when I got home I found out my little sister was doing the same thing. :headbang: God blessed me, tests me, blesses me, tests me....

You can't fix a girl who is reliving her past nightmares and experiances in her head. If she has moved on past them, accepted them, and made a conscious decision to make the most of it and live on, you can be that person's lover.




Hardly.
I also offer apologies. A friendly tip: next time try to provide a little more context.:)

I also offer apologies. A friendly tip: next time try to provide a little more context.:)

No problem. Once I get my deep philosophical side working it usually works pretty good.

:p

No problem. Once I get my deep philosophical side working it usually works pretty good.

:p
That's why I'm glad mine's always active. :D