NationStates Jolt Archive

After being a left a second time by my ex bf for another girl around 2 months ago, i've been consumed with the question of whether other people have felt love for someone so much that you literally feel like you can't live without them? I can't be the only one who've gone through depressive spells because someone I loved for a long time left me, since I have friends who also became suicidal/depressive following a break up and took a long time (6 months-a year) to move on.

Does anyone out there have a story to share?

Only advice. It will get better. People need people some more than others. I'm the opposite. I won't let myself get that close to someone that if they left I'd be devastated.

it's an immature love to be so enthralled in the relationship that you feel you would literally die if you were without the person, you are not describing love, but obession, and infatuation.

You should never let someone else's actions have so much control over your emotional well being.

If I were still in the counseling racket, I would diagnose you with very low self esteem.

If you got it rock solid right on the first try we wouldn't need dating. How many pieces of clothing have you broken in only to discover that they suck? Cars you bought that seemed solid that you where later happy to see go? Despite what Yoda says, there's lots of try before "I do."

I thought about sharing my story but I think the underlining reasons for my depression at the time werent solely relationship related... but I can share a little

I was engaged when I was 20, I'd been with the guy 3 years, we lived together and everything, and cracks started to show. I had a friend who i confided in quite a lot, he was always around when I needed him, even though he lived over seas (email etc). As things got worse, and i turned to him more and more things developed and I started to have feelings for him. After a long time of battling with how I felt, and dealing with some family issues that were just excrutiating - I left my fiance for my friend. We'd never been physical together at that point, just talked about feelings etc, and with everything that had been going on i went to spend some time with him in his home country. We were very much in love, or at least I thought we were. We planned for me to move there, get work, etc and one day he rang me out of the blue and told me he couldnt handle it. He couldn't handle it and he didn't want to be responsible for making the choice to leave my own country.

I was devistated, but upon reflection it was probably a little Karmic - I hurt my fiance, so i got hurt. With everything else that was going on at the time I got really down, quite self destructive but with the support of friends and family I got through it, and you will to. I learnt alot about myself through the whole experience, and I wouldnt change a thing. Accept that it's over, dont try to forget him, there's nothing wrong with being fond of the times that you had - it just wasn't meant to be.

it's an immature love to be so enthralled in the relationship that you feel you would literally die if you were without the person, you are not describing love, but obession, and infatuation.

You should never let someone else's actions have so much control over your emotional well being.

If I were still in the counseling racket, I would diagnose you with very low self esteem.

well um ok... i was just looking for "real life" stories of heart break. hector berlioz was pretty depressed when he was rejected in love and from there came the inspiration for the symphonie fantastique. and in fiction, maximillien morel from the count of monte cristo wanted to die when his lover had appeared to die.

and maybe you're right about the low esteem thing, but a good friend said that regardless of self esteem, i would feel this way because i'm only remembering the good times and it's easy to remember the things i've done wrong and so i blame myself.

well um ok... i was just looking for "real life" stories of heart break. hector berlioz was pretty depressed when he was rejected in love and from there came the inspiration for the symphonie fantastique. and in fiction, maximillien morel from the count of monte cristo wanted to die when his lover had appeared to die.

and maybe you're right about the low esteem thing, but a good friend said that regardless of self esteem, i would feel this way because i'm only remembering the good times and it's easy to remember the things i've done wrong and so i blame myself.
Makes for good mellodrama, not life models. Romeo and Juliet killed themselves, still wasn't a good idea.

being in love with someone you aren't with sucks. it's all i've ever had. meh.

Makes for good mellodrama, not life models.

Some people build whole lives on melodrama nevertheless, and don't you dare judge us!

well um ok... i was just looking for "real life" stories of heart break. hector berlioz was pretty depressed when he was rejected in love and from there came the inspiration for the symphonie fantastique. and in fiction, maximillien morel from the count of monte cristo wanted to die when his lover had appeared to die.
I don't have any real "heartbreak" stories to help you with then, most of my relationships were so bad I was grateful to be free of them, my current one is good, but I doubt I would "die" if we split, because I realize it would be half my fault if it got that bad.

and maybe you're right about the low esteem thing, but a good friend said that regardless of self esteem, i would feel this way because i'm only remembering the good times and it's easy to remember the things i've done wrong and so i blame myself.
you can be sad, you can regret the breakup but feeling like you will "die if you don't have them" is unhealthy, it's not normal, and it's a sign that you are in a bad thought pattern.

write down everything good and everything bad with the relationship, a pro/con list, that should help you put things into perspective, in the off chance that your pro-list is longer than the con-list than I suggest you celebrate the time you had and work to moving on, it's also a good idea to figure out what went wrong so you can avoid that in your next relationship, but don't do that now, right now figure out if you are unhappy because it was a good thing, or if you are unhappy because you are unhappy.

you can be sad, you can regret the breakup but feeling like you will "die if you don't have them" is unhealthy, it's not normal, and it's a sign that you are in a bad thought pattern.



the difference between my reaction and his was what puzzled me. a week before he left, we were still talking about getting married and kids, so it was pretty serious. no, i don't feel suicidal any more. i did for a long time, but my friends helped me get through it. ironically the people who i consider as friends were his friends for a much longer time first, and after this whole issue, he pretty much abandoned his friends as well. so they aren't really on speaking terms with him either.

Some people build whole lives on melodrama nevertheless, and don't you dare judge us!
Judge you? You guys pay my bills...

Judge you? You guys pay my bills...

Get off the dole, hippy!

the difference between my reaction and his was what puzzled me. a week before he left, we were still talking about getting married and kids, so it was pretty serious. no, i don't feel suicidal any more. i did for a long time, but my friends helped me get through it. ironically the people who i consider as friends were his friends for a much longer time first, and after this whole issue, he pretty much abandoned his friends as well. so they aren't really on speaking terms with him either.
relationships don't end for no reason, it seems strange that you two would be "pretty serious" and then he just leaves a week later for no reason, were you having any problems at all? why did he just leave?

relationships don't end for no reason, it seems strange that you two would be "pretty serious" and then he just leaves a week later for no reason, were you having any problems at all? why did he just leave?

i have no idea, but within a week, he was with another girl. this has happened twice with him now... :S as in he leaves me, finds someone else within a wk or 2, when that fails, he comes back... messes with my mind! :( :o

Get off the dole, hippy!
Then who will churn out the melodrama for you guys to feed on?

After my worst breakup, I turned to drugs. Lots of 'em. I don't advise that.

After being a left a second time by my ex bf for another girl around 2 months ago, i've been consumed with the question of whether other people have felt love for someone so much that you literally feel like you can't live without them? I can't be the only one who've gone through depressive spells because someone I loved for a long time left me, since I have friends who also became suicidal/depressive following a break up and took a long time (6 months-a year) to move on.

Does anyone out there have a story to share?
Been there. Done that. Took me well over a year to get over it.

I hear it's hardest when it's your first bf, and that you had a long, significant relationship with him. Well, for me it was, and I pray to god there either won't be a next time, or that next time will be easier to live.

Take my advice: you need time and distance to get better. Stop talking to him, seeing him, and thinking about him. Take all the things you have that remind you of him(photos, trinkets, etc.), and put them in a box you'll hide far from your sigh. Right now you need to stop focusing on him and what you lost. When you're better in a couple of weeks/months, you might be able to shuffle through souvenirs with only a pang at your heart, but right now chances are you're feeling like crying every time you open the fridge and see his favorite meal or anything.

Then, start going out with friends and try not to brood too much. It doesn't matter if you're not really having fun, as long as you keep yourself distracted and/or entertained. Talk with your friends. Share how you feel with a confident.

If you can't, then write what you feel in a diary. You can always burn it afterwards if you don't want it to be read; but I guarantee you'll feel better after writing yourself off to sleep instead of crying yourself off to sleep.

Don't listen to music that gives you the blues or makes you nostalgic, it'll only make it worse. Try to keep busy with school or work, too: I had a depressive episode when my bf left me that coincided with the loss of my job and the end of school, and believe me you'd never imagine a day could feel that long.

Other than those useful tricks to lessen the pain, only time can heal the gaping hole in your heart. But don't worry, we human beings have a nice little quality named resilience: what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

i have no idea, but within a week, he was with another girl. this has happened twice with him now... :S as in he leaves me, finds someone else within a wk or 2, when that fails, he comes back... messes with my mind! :( :o

You're his fallback option. Kick that shite to the curb.

Then who will churn out the melodrama for you guys to feed on?

We will ourselves.

it's an immature love to be so enthralled in the relationship that you feel you would literally die if you were without the person, you are not describing love, but obession, and infatuation.

You should never let someone else's actions have so much control over your emotional well being.

If I were still in the counseling racket, I would diagnose you with very low self esteem.
This doesn't have to be about low self-esteem. I've always been incredibly confident and had good self-esteem(some might say too good). However, when it comes to the first love, we tend to make mistakes because we just don't know better.

So, with my first boyfriend, I got too much of myself into the relationship. That was a mistake, because I put so much faith and hope into it that when it broke apart, I was torn asunder, my heart cleaved in two from the pain. Still, I couldn't know, as I was certain this was the kind ofhollywoodian love that lasts forever.

It's not always about the broken-hearted having problems or self-esteem issues. Inexperience, romantism and idealism can sometimes be our worst enemies.

Immaturity can sometimes be our worst enemy.

Fixed for accuracy.

We will ourselves.
Nah, then I'd have to get a real job, or do more reality shows and I can only handle so much of that nonsense. You guys need us anyway creating unreasonable stakes to measure your stuff up to. I know, because half the people I work with are on both ends of that trough...

Once, and I still am. We split up for a little while and we both separately thought we would just die. Now, here we are. I still ask myself if it was a good choice (more so, now) but I don't know how it could have been any other way.

it's an immature love to be so enthralled in the relationship that you feel you would literally die if you were without the person, you are not describing love, but obession, and infatuation.

You should never let someone else's actions have so much control over your emotional well being.

If I were still in the counseling racket, I would diagnose you with very low self esteem.

My thoughts exactly. Obsession and infatuation can be very destructive things if you have low self esteem. If someone leaves you for another girl, you are better of without him. Even though you may think you have found the person of your dreams, this rarely proves to be the case. If you think that you would die if he left you, or that your life couldn't go on, you are better off without him. C'est la vie.

relationships don't end for no reason, it seems strange that you two would be "pretty serious" and then he just leaves a week later for no reason, were you having any problems at all? why did he just leave?
Sometimes the other guy just says the pretty lies we want to hear. Or they just don't have the balls to be honest with us.

My ex left me a month before we moved in together.

Fixed for accuracy.
Call it what you will, but you can't be expected to know how to handle and react to a breakup until you've actually had one.

It's easier for those whose first relationship is short and/or experimentation. But for those of us who are (Fortunate?Unfortunate? I can't really decide which) to have their first relationship be really meaningful and last a long time(3 years in my case), the fall is high.

Call it what you will, but you can't be expected to know how to handle and react to a breakup until you've actually had one.

It's easier for those whose first relationship is short and/or experimentation. But for those of us who are (Fortunate?Unfortunate? I can't really decide which) to have their first relationship be really meaningful and last a long time(3 years in my case), the fall is high.

thankyou for your advice

in my case it was 2.5 years

i had my first serious bf when i was 12 (it lasted 4 1/2 months), knew that you had to work @ relationships and that it wouldnt all go to plan, didnt realise that there were meant to be good days and that being a permanant emotional prop for someone wasnt the definition of a relationship.
took me 6 years to recover from the relationship and the bullying that happened afterwards. still have severe lack of self esteem but now understand why it wet wrong.
moral of story - dont push yourself into stuff because you think every one else does it.

i have no idea, but within a week, he was with another girl. this has happened twice with him now... :S as in he leaves me, finds someone else within a wk or 2, when that fails, he comes back... messes with my mind! :( :o
by letting him come back you are negatively impacting your self esteem and you may not even realize it, nobody deserves to be treated this way, take some time off from dating and figure out what you want and need in a relationship, once you are comfortable not "having a boyfriend' then you can go date again.

Well, I got dumped last week by a guy I thought was more or less perfect for me. It's not really a full heartbreak story as it's not something I'm all the way through.

I don't think I'll ever find a better guy though.

Love is rather stupid. It's just another one of those annoying emotions you should be striving to get rid of rather than whining about on an internet forum. Get over it... you won't die just because you aren't getting to fuck the person you want to. :rolleyes:

you won't die just because you aren't getting to fuck the person you want to. :rolleyes:

that's a bit callous, and even rude. not everything is about sex

that's a bit callous, and even rude. not everything is about sex
it is for Czardas *runs*

that's a bit callous, and even rude. not everything is about sex
Forgive Czardas. He's just a cynic because he thinks he'll never know love.