NationStates Jolt Archive

My older grandaughter is having problems at home. Mostly, it's her step-father, who is insisting that she get a full-time job, even though she's only 16 and wants to finish her course of study at a "Gifted and Talented" local school. ( She's the songbird! )

Her mother isn't taking her side, and says that Callie needs to pay for her own auto insurance and her cellphone bill ( which is NOT excessive at all ). The girl is very responsible, and wants to go on to college, something which her parents haven't made any gestures toward helping with.

I've talked with my ex and with other members of the family about all this ( and there's LOTS more ), and we agree that it would be best for Callie if I adopted her. I have an appointment with my lawyer tomorrow to find out two things:

1. What will be involved in any attempt to adopt her; or alternatively ...

2. If her mother won't agree to let me adopt her, will she be able to have the courts declare her "emancipated."

Some of the real benefits of my adopting her would be: she would be able to graduate from the Gifted and Talented school she's attending; she would be able to live with her grandmother near the school so she would no longer have to pay tuition there; she would fall under my health insuance; she would be eligible ( as a dependent of a 100% disabled veteran ) to attend any NC state-supported University tuition and fees paid; and on and on.

I just need to get some different perspectives from you on this so that there's nothing I will miss in trying to get all this done. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions???

Get your advice from a lawyer.

Get your advice from a lawyer.
Tomorrow at 4:30 PM. :)

Get your advice from a lawyer.
Seconded. There's no one here who's going to give you anything other than secnd or third hand advice at best. I can only tell you that it's going to be a bear to make it work, because my sister had worlds of trouble adopting her stepdaughter's child, and he was a baby at the time. A teenager is going to be even more complex, I would imagine.

While the lawbooks I currently have readily available to me don't deal with these issues, I would seem to think you are in the moral right. Her stepfather and her mother are way off base. They want her to drop out of high school and get a full time job? What is with them? Do they want to crush her life right here and now? She would seem to have a very promising future, and if they were to prevail, then it could wind up being disastrous for her life.

Eutrusca, do whatever you can and have to. You seem to be able to provide her with a wealth of opportunities, and adoption would be a very desirable option.

I'd call a lawyer...I see the biggest hurtle in adopting her as being getting the mothers concent (I'm assuming the stepfather didn't adopt her?) Emancipation is pretty rare, but can happen.

Why don't they settle on a part time job and still finish school? You can help with her education without being her legal father, as can the rest of the family...

Full-time job at my age?
Hell no, I wish you best of luck to get her the hell out of there.

why does she need a full time job just to pay her insurance and cell phone?

sorry, I just don't understand, surely she could pay those bills working a few hours in the evenings at the local burger joint.

Do they mean like a 40 hour per week job? That's a bit excessive. Are the parents in a financial bind or something?

Talk to your lawyer. I can only offer secondhand advice, but from what I understand a lot is going to depend on what Callie wants to do. She is nearly an adult in the eyes of the law, so if she wants to stay with her parents regardless, it will be more difficult for you to adopt her.

Of course, that could all be completely wrong for all I know. Definitely talk to a lawyer.

whoa

how much of this plan have you discussed with your daughter and the father of your granddaughter?

you wont be able to do it over their objections and it would put such a rift in your family that it wouldnt be worth the incredible effort it would take.

why not start with the suggestion that your GD move in with your ex for the tuition break and to ease the tension in her family? see how that goes before you suggest something more drastic

DONT TELL HER YOUVE TALKED TO A LAWYER. any thought that you might be seriously trying to "steal" her child from her might make such an explosion that you wont see your GD again until she is an adult.

I'd call a lawyer...I see the biggest hurtle in adopting her as being getting the mothers concent (I'm assuming the stepfather didn't adopt her?) Emancipation is pretty rare, but can happen.

Why don't they settle on a part time job and still finish school? You can help with her education without being her legal father, as can the rest of the family...
No, her stepfather didn't adopt her, and I might be able to talk my daughter into letting Paulette and me adopt her. That would be the best option.

There's more to it than that, but it would take more time than I have right now. Let's just say that she wants to find someplace else to live and let it go at that.

1. Do they mean like a 40 hour per week job?

2. That's a bit excessive.

3. Are the parents in a financial bind or something?
1. Yes! :(

2. Yes indeed! :(

3. Not that I know of.

I just need to get some different perspectives from you on this so that there's nothing I will miss in trying to get all this done. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions???

You have no problems with alienating the girls parents ?

whoa

how much of this plan have you discussed with your daughter and the father of your granddaughter?

you wont be able to do it over their objections and it would put such a rift in your family that it wouldnt be worth the incredible effort it would take.

why not start with the suggestion that your GD move in with your ex for the tuition break and to ease the tension in her family? see how that goes before you suggest something more drastic

DONT TELL HER YOUVE TALKED TO A LAWYER. any thought that you might be seriously trying to "steal" her child from her might make such an explosion that you wont see your GD again until she is an adult.
Callie's father hasn't been in touch with her since he and her mother divorced years and years ago.

I plan to discuss all this with my daughter ( step-daughter, actually ) after I talk with my lawyer. Paulette ( my ex ) and I have discussed the possibility of Callie moving in with her, so that's a possibility as well. Good suggestion.

I have no intention of "stealing" my own grandaughter, but I suspect my daughter and her husband would go along with my adopting her if it's keyed up right to them. Only my ex and my oldest daughter know that I'm talking to a lawyer, and they're not going to say anything to anyone about it.

You have no problems with alienating the girls parents ?
Yes, I do, which is why I'm going to try persuasion first. This has too many pulses for them to reject it out of hand ... I hope!

I think that it is perfectly reasonable for her parents to ask her to pay her bills. You can live without mobile and car you know… However, a fulltime job? As has already been suggested, won’t a few hours flipping burgers do the trick? Or are there other issues here…?

In any case, be careful about this. It’s no fun living in a completely broken-up family where no-one can stand being in the same room as the others. Trust me on that…

While the lawbooks I currently have readily available to me don't deal with these issues, I would seem to think you are in the moral right. Her stepfather and her mother are way off base. They want her to drop out of high school and get a full time job? What is with them? Do they want to crush her life right here and now? She would seem to have a very promising future, and if they were to prevail, then it could wind up being disastrous for her life.
Yes, that's my concern: that they would make her get a full-time job ( she already works part time ), and that dropping out of school would be the other shoe to fall. They're definitely not what you would call "pro-education." :(

I honestly don't think they care about Callie's future. They treat her like an unwanted step-child now as it is! :(

I know it could be totally disasterous for her future and that's why I'm willing to take such drastic steps. It's not because I really want to do this, it's just because I love her so and want the best for her.

Here's a stupid question. How does your granddaughter feel about all this? I know you've said she's having problems at home, but does she really want to move out? I had my share of problems with my parents when I was growing up, but I know that even if I had been given the choice, I wouldn't have moved out. And I'm not trying to be mean or anything, just making sure you've talked to her. All too often it seems like people try to do what they think is best for their loved ones without ever considering what their loved ones really want.

I think that it is perfectly reasonable for her parents to ask her to pay her bills. You can live without mobile and car you know… However, a fulltime job? As has already been suggested, won’t a few hours flipping burgers do the trick? Or are there other issues here…?

In any case, be careful about this. It’s no fun living in a completely broken-up family where no-one can stand being in the same room as the others. Trust me on that…
The issue isn't about paying her bills, IMHO, she does that now with a part-time job. There are lots of other issues here, more than I can go into on here. :(

I realize the potential for alienating my ste-daughter and her husband, but if that's what it takes to salvage Callie's future, so be it. :(

I know it could be totally disasterous for her future and that's why I'm willing to take such drastic steps. It's not because I really want to do this, it's just because I love her so and want the best for her.
Aww. I hope everything works out for your granddaughter. :fluffle:

Callie's father hasn't been in touch with her since he and her mother divorced years and years ago.

I plan to discuss all this with my daughter ( step-daughter, actually ) after I talk with my lawyer. Paulette ( my ex ) and I have discussed the possibility of Callie moving in with her, so that's a possibility as well. Good suggestion.

I have no intention of "stealing" my own grandaughter, but I suspect my daughter and her husband would go along with my adopting her if it's keyed up right to them. Only my ex and my oldest daughter know that I'm talking to a lawyer, and they're not going to say anything to anyone about it.

of course youre not trying to steal your GD, but its very easy for it to seem that way to a mother who is feeling backed up against the wall by her husband and daughter already. it has to be handled very carefully so there is no suggestion that you think they arent doing right by your GD (even though they arent)

if the girl's father hasnt had his parental rights severed yet, it will add an additional layer of difficulty to this, but your lawyer will tell you about that.

Here's a stupid question. How does your granddaughter feel about all this? I know you've said she's having problems at home, but does she really want to move out? I had my share of problems with my parents when I was growing up, but I know that even if I had been given the choice, I wouldn't have moved out. And I'm not trying to be mean or anything, just making sure you've talked to her. All too often it seems like people try to do what they think is best for their loved ones without ever considering what their loved ones really want.
That's definitely not the case here. Callie has told both my ex and me that she desperately wants out of her step-father's house. Everyone in my family knows this as well. Callie has even asked her Aunt ( my oldest daughter ) if she can move in with her. :(

That's definitely not the case here. Callie has told both my ex and me that she desperately wants out of her step-father's house. Everyone in my family knows this as well. Callie has even asked her Aunt ( my oldest daughter ) if she can move in with her. :(
:( Best of luck resolving the situation. :fluffle:

If it's the summer there shouldn't be any trouble with her getting a full time job to pay for auto insurance.

Wow, everybody has already said very thoughtful things, including all the caveats - and those are pretty major indeed.

My first thought was akin to Ashmoria's - don't break up and alienate the family over this.

But seeing how you say there's more to it than can be summed up here, and seeing how this doesn't seem to be a rash decision, it seems you'll be able to handle this.

The key will be getting your daughter to agree to everything - but honestly, it sounds a bit like she sees her kid mainly as a burden, so she may well be reluctant but secretly glad to get her out of the house.

:( I hope things go well for you and everybody involved.

I can't really help any much I guess but best of luck with sorting it out.

I'm dumping education voluntarily this year but going full-time at 16 is never a good idea, let alone being forced into it by someone else.

If it's the summer there shouldn't be any trouble with her getting a full time job to pay for auto insurance.
Her school reopens in August. And it's not that they just want her to have a job to pay for her insurance and cellphone ... her step-father wants her to take a permanent, full-time job and give her paycheck to him. :(

I agree that you should get legal advice on this, but as a Mum to two teenage girls I wonder if there might be a bit more to it than you realise? My own daughter has run up HUGE bills on her cell phone, and also owes money to her grandfather for her car insurance, both of which she promised to pay with the money from her part time job (she is in 6th Form studying History, English and Psychology to A level) She is sweetness and light to her grandfather, who tells her not to worry about repaying him what she owes as he thinks she cant afford it, but I know that she earns a good wage with her weekend job and also the government pay her £30 a week to attend school on top of that. She has no costs as she lives with me and her school is free, but she spends all her money on junk food and clothes, make up, hair and nails etc etc. I love my daughter very much, but if she doesn't change and become more responsible, then I will have to get real tough with her, and I know that she won't like it one bit.

I assume that you know your daughter and that as you brought her up taught her values and helped make her the person that she is? If you honestly think that she is treating your granddaughter badly for no reason and that there is not more to this that meets the eye of a clearly very devoted and loving grandfather, then do your damnedest to help your granddaughter, but think very carefully about what this would do to your relationship with your daughter, and the relationship between your daughter and your granddaughter.

I realize the potential for alienating my ste-daughter and her husband, but if that's what it takes to salvage Callie's future, so be it. :(

Well, what must be done, must be done…

Best of luck to you and your granddaughter…

Wow, everybody has already said very thoughtful things, including all the caveats - and those are pretty major indeed.

My first thought was akin to Ashmoria's - don't break up and alienate the family over this.

But seeing how you say there's more to it than can be summed up here, and seeing how this doesn't seem to be a rash decision, it seems you'll be able to handle this.

The key will be getting your daughter to agree to everything - but honestly, it sounds a bit like she sees her kid mainly as a burden, so she may well be reluctant but secretly glad to get her out of the house.

:( I hope things go well for you and everybody involved.
Yes, I'm very gratified at the way all of you have responded to this. Thank you!

My daugher probably does see Callie as a burden. Before they had their third child ( he had a child by a previous marriage .. who moved back with HIS mother, if that tells you anything ), Callie was pretty much just ignored. But now, with the third child, her parents seem to be pushing her to "grow up" all too rapidly for my comfort. This idea of her having to get a permanent, full-time job is just utter nonsense from my viewpoint, particularly since the girl is so talented and intelligent. I have often wondered if her mother just doesn't want her to do any better than she herself did! :(

I'm not really in a place to offer advice or anything like that, but I do hope that things work out the best for Callie and you, and your family in general, and I send my best wishes :fluffle: :fluffle:

Even if her mother doesn't want you to adopt her, she could still move out and live with another family member?

Thats all the advice I'm going to give (except make sure you speak with your lawyer!) because I can't possibly know enough about the situation to say more.

Your granddaughter sounds like a very intelligent young lady, and I hope everything works out for the best :fluffle:

I may not agree with you on a lot of things, Eut, but you seem like you would be a responsible parent (if a bit ranty at times) So first of all talk with your grandaughter, and make sure you get her ok before you go forward any further. Don't advance into this without the full advantage of the moral high ground. Also, as someone who just got a full time job at 18, don't let her do it. Even if she stays in school, it will completely mess up any chance she has of doing more than just barely passing. If she's anything even remotely like me, her first few weeks at a regular job will be utter hell. (although it doesn't help that I work graveyard shift as a dishwasher)
A couple quick questions:

How long has the stepfather been married to your daughter?

What kind of arguments is he trying to make?

How much do you think he might resist anything you would do?

Stepparents can be tricky territory sometimes, because of the nebulous place they have in the family structure.

Y'know whats interesting?

It's always the stereotype that the older generation are about an honest day's work and so on, anti-intelectual, if I may.

However, in this case, the opposite is true, so muchas kudos to you. :-)

On a more serious note, I have every hope that you succeed and that your Grandaughter be nurtured in an environment she can intellectually prosper in.

Best of luck :-)

I agree that you should get legal advice on this, but as a Mum to two teenage girls I wonder if there might be a bit more to it than you realise? My own daughter has run up HUGE bills on her cell phone, and also owes money to her grandfather for her car insurance, both of which she promised to pay with the money from her part time job (she is in 6th Form studying History, English and Psychology to A level) She is sweetness and light to her grandfather, who tells her not to worry about repaying him what she owes as he thinks she cant afford it, but I know that she earns a good wage with her weekend job and also the government pay her £30 a week to attend school on top of that. She has no costs as she lives with me and her school is free, but she spends all her money on junk food and clothes, make up, hair and nails etc etc. I love my daughter very much, but if she doesn't change and become more responsible, then I will have to get real tough with her, and I know that she won't like it one bit.

I assume that you know your daughter and that as you brought her up taught her values and helped make her the person that she is? If you honestly think that she is treating your granddaughter badly for no reason and that there is not more to this that meets the eye of a clearly very devoted and loving grandfather, then do your damnedest to help your granddaughter, but think very carefully about what this would do to your relationship with your daughter, and the relationship between your daughter and your granddaughter.
Callie is a very responsible and wise person for being only 16. You'll just have to take my word on that. Her mother has always been flighty and easily led, and it's my take on this that her husband is the one behind most of the stuff that's going on.

I've agonized over this until my head hurts, and the best optoin I can come up with for Callie, and for all others involved, is for me to adopt her. Not only would she get an almost competely free college education, but she would be around people that care more for her than they do for themselves.

I just need to get some different perspectives from you on this so that there's nothing I will miss in trying to get all this done. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions???
All I have to say is..

If the mother says no and keeps her, she's crazy.

You would be helping her, and your grandaughter out, a lot.

I really have no experience here , so.. good luck!

Oh and, you pwn. :fluffle:

Y'know whats interesting?

It's always the stereotype that the older generation are about an honest day's work and so on, anti-intelectual, if I may.

However, in this case, the opposite is true, so muchas kudos to you. :-)

On a more serious note, I have every hope that you succeed and that your Grandaughter be nurtured in an environment she can intellectually prosper in.

Best of luck :-)
I just hate to see talent ... ANY talent, wasted. Plus I love her. That just about says it all, I think. :)

Thanks for the kudos! :D

I've agonized over this until my head hurts, and the best optoin I can come up with for Callie, and for all others involved, is for me to adopt her. Not only would she get an almost competely free college education, but she would be around people that care more for her than they do for themselves.
Just make sure you state every single little thing you can. Over and over and over when you're talking to the mother.

Don't tell her them, explain them.

Also, use puppy eyes..

My gosh she's got her whole life to work.. no way they should be trying to force her into working full time at 16 when she is in school!

I don't know any of the legal aspects, but I hope all turns out best for her in this situation.

1. I may not agree with you on a lot of things, Eut, but you seem like you would be a responsible parent (if a bit ranty at times) So first of all talk with your grandaughter, and make sure you get her ok before you go forward any further. Don't advance into this without the full advantage of the moral high ground.

2. Also, as someone who just got a full time job at 18, don't let her do it. Even if she stays in school, it will completely mess up any chance she has of doing more than just barely passing. If she's anything even remotely like me, her first few weeks at a regular job will be utter hell. (although it doesn't help that I work graveyard shift as a dishwasher)

A couple quick questions:

3. How long has the stepfather been married to your daughter?

4. What kind of arguments is he trying to make?

5. How much do you think he might resist anything you would do?

6. Stepparents can be tricky territory sometimes, because of the nebulous place they have in the family structure.
1. Thanks ( I think ... that "ranty" thing ... ! LOL! ). Thanks for reminding me to talk with Callie before I talk with her parents. That's important.

2. That's the straw that broke the camel's back on this. I know whereof you speak. I went to college full time and worked 1/2 a day part-time for four years! Groan!

3. About eight years.

4. I don't really know, but based on his past record, he's probably more concerned about her "paying her way" as soon as possible than he is about her.

5. Not really sure. I suspect that if I key it up right with him and my daughter, he'll go along with it if for no other reason than to have one less child to be responsible for.

6. Being a step-parent myself, how well I know! Sigh. Actually, I can be very diplomatic when I want to ... I just don't do it very ofen on here! ;)

My gosh she's got her whole life to work.. no way they should be trying to force her into working full time at 16 when she is in school!

I don't know any of the legal aspects, but I hope all turns out best for her in this situation.
Perhaps it will help if I explain that my Son-in-law is a bonafide redneck? Sigh.

Just make sure you state every single little thing you can. Over and over and over when you're talking to the mother.

Don't tell her them, explain them.

Also, use puppy eyes..
Yes, yes. I can be very persuasive when the need arises. :D

All I have to say is..

If the mother says no and keeps her, she's crazy.

You would be helping her, and your grandaughter out, a lot.

I really have no experience here , so.. good luck!

Oh and, you pwn. :fluffle:
[ blushes ] Thank you. :)

Yes, I'm very gratified at the way all of you have responded to this. Thank you!

My daugher probably does see Callie as a burden. Before they had their third child ( he had a child by a previous marriage .. who moved back with HIS mother, if that tells you anything ), Callie was pretty much just ignored. But now, with the third child, her parents seem to be pushing her to "grow up" all too rapidly for my comfort. This idea of her having to get a permanent, full-time job is just utter nonsense from my viewpoint, particularly since the girl is so talented and intelligent. I have often wondered if her mother just doesn't want her to do any better than she herself did! :(

I hope that isn't the case.. but I've seen it many times. So sad.

I'm not really in a place to offer advice or anything like that, but I do hope that things work out the best for Callie and you, and your family in general, and I send my best wishes :fluffle: :fluffle:
Thank you, sweet lady! :fluffle: :fluffle:

Even if her mother doesn't want you to adopt her, she could still move out and live with another family member?

Thats all the advice I'm going to give (except make sure you speak with your lawyer!) because I can't possibly know enough about the situation to say more.

Your granddaughter sounds like a very intelligent young lady, and I hope everything works out for the best :fluffle:
Thank you. That's very kind. :)

This is Callie:

http://img451.imageshack.us/img451/4650/callie0yu.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

I hope that isn't the case.. but I've seen it many times. So sad.
Tell me about it. It's very hard for me to believe that any child of mine could feel that way about their own child, but stranger things have happened. :(

This is Callie:

http://img451.imageshack.us/img451/4650/callie0yu.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
She is a beautiful young lady. :)

I just hate to see talent ... ANY talent, wasted. Plus I love her. That just about says it all, I think. :)

Thanks for the kudos! :D

Do it, and next time you rant about welfare queens, think about what it really means.

Beautiful pic Eut.

another option is to set up a seperate bank account and have other members pitch in... a family fund to help her with college as well as paying off her "bills" ( :rolleyes: )

it could be that the family is undergoing financial problems. Good luck in your quest for answers. :D

Thank you. That's very kind. :)

This is Callie:

I'll take her in for you.

*slapped by the cops*
Never mind....

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with her getting a full time job over the summer and helping out around the house if neccessary. However, a full time job along with school in any kind of a gifted and talented program is too much. I can tell you that from personal experience.

However, a part time job (to pay for car insurance, the cell, gas, and any other miscellanious expenses) is a good way to learn early how to manage a budget responsibly, should be a part of every child's high school years, and this I would encourage. Always though, there is a balance to be had. There shouldn't be so much work that it detracts from school.

As far as the adoption thing goes, there's nothing really for me to add other than to say many of the posters have expressed possible outcomes, including alienation of family. Listen to what your lawyer says, but also think of the interpersonal consequences of any such action, and tread lightly. Do not risk more than you are willing to lose.

Be cautious. I may not like your opinions half the time, but I respect whatever decision you make regarding this. I'm sure you'll make the right one.

Step-parents can be quite unreasonable, especially if they come in when the child is much older rather than younger.

I can see how this is a problem. In fact, her age and plight seems to echo what some step-families struggle with. Step-parents try to exert some form of authority, however, it is not what is on par with the rest of the family's core values, even if the authority is within reason. However, that "reason" can often spiral out of control when it's a battle of wits.

Whereas your GD's step-father wishes for her to (ugh) take a fulltime job, at the age of 15, I was told by mine that if my mother hit me that I was not allowed to defend myself. And, if my mother said to jump, I wasn't allowed to question her.

Unlike her, I was able to move out of my mother/step-father's house because my father had an active part in my life. She needs someone who can be her safety net at at time like this.

Take control. Be her safety net away from the turmoil that may shape her in a negative way in her later years.

Talk to a lawyer and talk to your GD first off. Find out your options, though what you've mention sound solid, and find out what yourt GD thinks of this.

You should however be prepared for legal repercussions, whether it's the family using a civil sue against you for trying to have their daughter moved into another family member's home, or your GD's emancipation trial, which will take less time. Also, if you do adopt her, she does have to be under age of majority. You'll need to act fast.

I don't understand why you are taking such drastic measures. Why can't she sell her car and cell phone if she can't pay for them? I am 19 and have never had either of those luxories.

Yes, that's my concern: that they would make her get a full-time job ( she already works part time ), and that dropping out of school would be the other shoe to fall. They're definitely not what you would call "pro-education." :(

I honestly don't think they care about Callie's future. They treat her like an unwanted step-child now as it is! :(

I know it could be totally disasterous for her future and that's why I'm willing to take such drastic steps. It's not because I really want to do this, it's just because I love her so and want the best for her.

There is nothing wrong with her parents insisting that Callie pay for her own car insurance and cell phone bills. In fact, I would expect any responsible parent to expect their child to pay for these things. A car and a cell phone are an adult's priviledges (unless the parents are the ones that insist she carry a cell phone).

It is not appropriate to expect her to quit school to pay for them. However, if her car insurance and cell phone bills are so high that she can't pay for them with a part-time job, then she needs some help budgeting.

I doubt you need to take the huge step of adopting Callie and alienating the parents until you've spoken to them about your concerns. Are you sure that the expect Callie to quit school and take a full-time job, or is this a misunderstanding? Has anyone actually talked to them about Callie's post-secondary education, or is their apparent lack of interest merely assumption?

Eutrusca, check the labor laws in the state your granddaughter resides in. It may be the case that, due to her being < 18, she might not be able to have a full time job. I know in CT, teens < 18 cannot work past 10pm during the school term, and can only work a certain amount of hours per week during the school term.

I can't imagine the stress I would have been under if I had to work full time and go to school as well. Since I'm a type A personality, I probably would have ended up with an ulcer.

a few things:

1. Talk to her and see what she wants. I would mention the college tuition and all that if you really need to pull her over to your side.

2. Give her my number (hey, i'm 16, ok?) :D

3. DONT TALK TO HER PARENTS UNTIL YOU HAVE SPOKEN WITH YOUR LAWYER. That way you are clear on what exactly you want to do.

4. Expect a long grueling and family-splitting court battle if you do decide to adopt.

i would wish you luck, but i dont think thats exactly what you need right now.
(really though, on the number, you know how to reach me ;) )

She is a beautiful young lady. :)
Thank you. I, obviously, am not going to disagree! :D

Eut, adoption is a serious issue. Imagine having another child of your own who is born at that age. If you are prepared to accept that responsibility then I take my hat off to you. Do your best man.

I'll take her in for you.

*slapped by the cops*
Never mind....

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with her getting a full time job over the summer and helping out around the house if neccessary. However, a full time job along with school in any kind of a gifted and talented program is too much. I can tell you that from personal experience.

However, a part time job (to pay for car insurance, the cell, gas, and any other miscellanious expenses) is a good way to learn early how to manage a budget responsibly, should be a part of every child's high school years, and this I would encourage. Always though, there is a balance to be had. There shouldn't be so much work that it detracts from school.

As far as the adoption thing goes, there's nothing really for me to add other than to say many of the posters have expressed possible outcomes, including alienation of family. Listen to what your lawyer says, but also think of the interpersonal consequences of any such action, and tread lightly. Do not risk more than you are willing to lose.

Be cautious. I may not like your opinions half the time, but I respect whatever decision you make regarding this. I'm sure you'll make the right one.
Thanks. As I noted earlier ( somewhere in the thread ) she already has a part-time job, but that's apparently not good enough for her parents. Sigh.

Eut, adoption is a serious issue. Imagine having another child of your own who is born at that age. If you are prepared to accept that responsibility then I take my hat off to you. Do your best man.
I am. It's for her best interests. Thank you! :)

I'm not a lawyer. I don't even play one on TV. However, I do have a very good education from the School of Hard Knocks, including having parents who were loosers. I hate to say this, Etrusca, but her paren't *are* loosers. Given that the information you've supplied to us is true, and that there aren't any over-riding things we don't know about, they aren't showing me that they have any concern at all for their daughter's future. I so wish there was a way for children to divorce their parents, but there isn't.

Your lawyer will be better equipped to deal with the legalities of adopting her away from her parents, but if that's possible you really need to do it. She deserves more than to have her dreams dashed to the ground at her early age.

I'm not a lawyer. I don't even play one on TV. However, I do have a very good education from the School of Hard Knocks, including having parents who were loosers. I hate to say this, Etrusca, but her paren't *are* loosers. Given that the information you've supplied to us is true, and that there aren't any over-riding things we don't know about, they aren't showing me that they have any concern at all for their daughter's future. I so wish there was a way for children to divorce their parents, but there isn't.

Your lawyer will be better equipped to deal with the legalities of adopting her away from her parents, but if that's possible you really need to do it. She deserves more than to have her dreams dashed to the ground at her early age.
I agree. And thank you. :)

Thanks. As I noted earlier ( somewhere in the thread ) she already has a part-time job, but that's apparently not good enough for her parents. Sigh.

You also said "Give it to the stepfather" in terms of the paycheck. That sounds like one of the big reasons why we have child labor laws. The *step*father sounds like he's taking advantage of her. It seems manipulative, and given the lack of concern for her future (leave school at 16 to work full time? Just how is her life supposed to go anywhere?), abusive (psychologically, since I have nothing suggesting anything else). I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

You sound like you've really thought through the situation, what is best for her, how to approach it, etc. So long as she likes it to, and you keep approaching it well (keep the lawyer advice! Having a therapist involved might not be such a bad idea either), :fluffle: for you!

Well a few things I'd like to say.

First, I'm surprised you of all people have something serious to discuss!

But man, it boils my blood when I see people aren't even letting their kids study over getting a job! Education is paramount in a person finding decent work to begin with, not to mention this girl is taking the iniative to study and wants to complete the course and they are denying this from her! Sounds like this stepfather wants more income . . . and is taking the easiest route to it.

I can't offer you legal recourse, but you already have that section covered.

I think I speak for (almost) all of us when I say: We're proud of ya' big guy. You're doing the right thing in this situation, and though it will be tough mentally and physically, I'm sure you can get through it.

Good Luck!