Erketrum
19-06-2006, 01:35
...is television!
But not just any television.
As Iran looms up as the next target in W. Bush's (or was it Cheney's) attempt to drag the middle eastern countries into democracy (by torture if nessecary), a relatively unknown think tank only known as C.P.U. has come up with a radical idea that while not exactly cheap, might halve the cost of the effort involved and, best of all, will cost very few lives.
The answer is: invade, but not with soldiers. With electricians. The goal is to build up a very extensive television network, reaching even the remote villages.
The real genious however, is the kind of programs that will be shown.
Mainly sitcoms, docu-soaps, talk shows, game shows and TV-shop. All financed by comercials featuring scantily clad babes and oiled hunks driving sports and/or luxury cars.
Marvel and laugh together with the Presidental family in the sitcom "The summer palace".
Follow ten young men on their way to iman-hood studying in a famous religious school in "Iman - the holy path".
At prime time, you get "Evening with Azziz" the popular talkshow, featuring famous guests, artists, and humourous comments on the recent events in the world.
It's shortly followed by a game show, hosted by the lovely and witty Jasmina.
Later, when the kids have gone to bed, the adults can sit down and watch "Battle Royale". The extremists and radicals of the various groups in the country are captured and put in an old prison. The prison is sealed and then the breathless audience can follow through hidden cameras how the captured recieve their ultimatum: "Find the hidden weapons and kill your enemies. The last one left will be released and given 200,000 dollars in cash."
For the kids, there will of course be cartoons, and a second tier plan includes making gaming consoles and videogames available in large quantities.
In the second front, launched virtually at the same time, a chain of fast food resturants called "King Fallafel" will open. Basically it's an adjusted copy of the McDonalds concept, and they will serve junk food very cheaply, and with the same health-level as the burgers on our beloved western equivalent.
Microwaves and frozen pre-made portion food and TV dinners will also be made availabe, in such quantities that it will be easier and cheaper to buy that instead of growing your own food, or buy food that's actually healthy.
C.P.U.'s calculations show that if correctly handled, the middle east and near asia will cease to be a threat in approximately 50 to 60 year. Their pessimistic calculations lands it around 90 years.
By then, the majority of people in the middle east will be just as lazy, unhealthy and disinterested in politics as westerners. They have effectively ceased to be a threat.
Using the same method, C.P.U. has started calculations that aim to achieve world peace, though these are not yet completed.
But not just any television.
As Iran looms up as the next target in W. Bush's (or was it Cheney's) attempt to drag the middle eastern countries into democracy (by torture if nessecary), a relatively unknown think tank only known as C.P.U. has come up with a radical idea that while not exactly cheap, might halve the cost of the effort involved and, best of all, will cost very few lives.
The answer is: invade, but not with soldiers. With electricians. The goal is to build up a very extensive television network, reaching even the remote villages.
The real genious however, is the kind of programs that will be shown.
Mainly sitcoms, docu-soaps, talk shows, game shows and TV-shop. All financed by comercials featuring scantily clad babes and oiled hunks driving sports and/or luxury cars.
Marvel and laugh together with the Presidental family in the sitcom "The summer palace".
Follow ten young men on their way to iman-hood studying in a famous religious school in "Iman - the holy path".
At prime time, you get "Evening with Azziz" the popular talkshow, featuring famous guests, artists, and humourous comments on the recent events in the world.
It's shortly followed by a game show, hosted by the lovely and witty Jasmina.
Later, when the kids have gone to bed, the adults can sit down and watch "Battle Royale". The extremists and radicals of the various groups in the country are captured and put in an old prison. The prison is sealed and then the breathless audience can follow through hidden cameras how the captured recieve their ultimatum: "Find the hidden weapons and kill your enemies. The last one left will be released and given 200,000 dollars in cash."
For the kids, there will of course be cartoons, and a second tier plan includes making gaming consoles and videogames available in large quantities.
In the second front, launched virtually at the same time, a chain of fast food resturants called "King Fallafel" will open. Basically it's an adjusted copy of the McDonalds concept, and they will serve junk food very cheaply, and with the same health-level as the burgers on our beloved western equivalent.
Microwaves and frozen pre-made portion food and TV dinners will also be made availabe, in such quantities that it will be easier and cheaper to buy that instead of growing your own food, or buy food that's actually healthy.
C.P.U.'s calculations show that if correctly handled, the middle east and near asia will cease to be a threat in approximately 50 to 60 year. Their pessimistic calculations lands it around 90 years.
By then, the majority of people in the middle east will be just as lazy, unhealthy and disinterested in politics as westerners. They have effectively ceased to be a threat.
Using the same method, C.P.U. has started calculations that aim to achieve world peace, though these are not yet completed.