NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, so you're in a plane and both wings fall off and catch fire for some reason, so you bail out. But the thing is you're flying over the middle of the ocean, so you have 2 choices.

1, open your parachute and land in the freezing water where you stand a 99.9% chance of dying from exposure or dehydration or being eaten by a shark. In short a horrid death. But there is a 0.1% chance you could be found by a ship (possibly you could land you're parachute on a party-ship and it'd be awesome) or drift ashore and survive.

2, Don't open you're chute and suffer a fast (but very fatal) death.

Which would you choose? Quick definite death or near certain slow death?

Slow death. I intend to exist for every possible minute that I can.

The first one. That way, when I’m about to die, I can think to myself that I did all I could.

Neither, I'd construct a makeshift plane out of a raincoat, toothpicks, and a packet of polos, then fly my way to safety.

3. Rape every woman aboard before it crashed.

Neither, I'd construct a makeshift plane out of a raincoat, toothpicks, and a packet of polos, then fly my way to safety.
MacGyver?

The first.

If you're pretty much going to die anyway, might as well take the one where there's still the chance you'll survive.

3. Rape every woman aboard before it crashed.
rofl

MacGyver?

Definitely :D

3) Try to dive towards the sea fast enough to catch up with the wings, grab a hold of them and use them to glide to safety on an Island full of supermodels who have a fetish for out of shape hairy guys with scars.

I'd land on the Lost island.

Neither, I'd construct a makeshift plane out of a raincoat, toothpicks, and a packet of polos, then fly my way to safety.

Like in the A-Team?

The first.

If you're pretty much going to die anyway, might as well take the one where there's still the chance you'll survive.
Ditto.
Besides if you ain't rescued inside 16 minutes you'll freeze to death and for 4 of those minutes you wont fell the pain anyways and you might live.

Like in the A-Team?

"I ain't gettin' on no plane foo'!"

3) Try to dive towards the sea fast enough to catch up with the wings, grab a hold of them and use them to glide to safety on an Island full of supermodels who have a fetish for out of shape hairy guys with scars.

You can only have one wing Ive got the other one.

I'll use the plane as a boat...

Everyone know plane crashes arent to be feared though! You'll just land on a tropical island with penguins and wiered shit happening!

Well, the way I see it, fate owes me a favour or two, so not only would I glide down on an island, but a rescue ship would be waiting for me when I get there.

4. Ride the German officer's pet crocodile like a skyboard, use it to attack said officer, steal his parachute, rescue the Princess Bongela on a comandeered bike and, hopefully, have some sex.

SMOKE ME A KIPPER, I'LL BE BACK FOR BREAKFAST! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_Nq20J0kiE&search=northern)

Open your parachute and land in the freezing water where you stand a 99.9% chance of dying from exposure or dehydration or being eaten by a shark. In short a horrid death. But there is a 0.1% chance you could be found by a ship or drift ashore and survive.

Which would you choose? Quick definite death or near certain slow death?

There is a slim chance of survival but I'd hope for the best, you never know you could float to shore and find that some other survivers just like in Lost.

4. Ride the German officer's pet crocodile like a skyboard, use it to attack said officer, steal his parachute, rescue the Princess Bongela on a comandeered bike and, hopefully, have some sex.

SMOKE ME A KIPPER, I'LL BE BACK FOR BREAKFAST! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_Nq20J0kiE&search=northern)

Don't you just miss Red Dwarf :D

Try and fall in what I think is the direction of the nearest country. Hope for the best. Poke the shark's eyes out.

Don't you just miss Red Dwarf :D
Not really, I have all 8 series. :D Although I didn't need the 8th, god knows it's bad enough.

I say option two. There is no chance that you would be rescued if you chose number one anyway, and you would definitely suffer before you slowly lost strength and drowned, were eaten, or froze to death

I do neither: I've always wanted to skydive, and if I'm gonna die, I'm going to die awesomely. I cut off my parachute and jump out. I get the thrill of a lifetime, then I die immediatly (assuming the plane's high enough up that hitting water is about the same as hitting concrete).

Though, you know, it might be possible to survive the crash...maybe...

You can only have one wing Ive got the other one.

I only need one. I'll tilt it just a bit to induce rotation and I'll float gently to the surface like a helicopter.

And then I'll be really dizzy and throw up.

Well, considering you're in the middle of the ocean, you might not die with the fall alone, you know. The ocean is pretty deep.

But i'd grab one of the seats and jump with the chute. Then i'd use the seat as a flotation device to get to the Lost island and everything would be just fine. ;) That is, assuming i don't get rescued by a bunch of horny hairy pirates that have a fetish for plane crash survivors, of course.

slow, that way I might have time to hold a deep philisophical conversation with a hallucenation. plus, I might wash up on an island and end up a surprise twist on Survivor. (c'mon, am the only one who thinks it'd be hilarious to put a spear through Jeff Probst?)

Option 1, but with the caveat that I'd take my Webley service revolver and/or flare gun and if it got to the point where I was going to die of hypothermia and there was no sign of rescue, I'd eat lead.

Open the parachute, if I could figure out how.

Well, considering you're in the middle of the ocean, you might not die with the fall alone, you know. The ocean is pretty deep.

But i'd grab one of the seats and jump with the chute. Then i'd use the seat as a flotation device to get to the Lost island and everything would be just fine. ;) That is, assuming i don't get rescued by a bunch of horny hairy pirates that have a fetish for plane crash survivors, of course.

Fine! Being chased by rabid polar bears and/or killed by a desperate Michael doesn't sound fine!

If I'm falling through the air after leaving a doomed aircraft, I'm not going to be thinking about what may or may not happen after I reach the surface.

It would be more like "Shit, Shit, Shit! Ripcord? Where's the ripcord? Shit, there! (Pull) Ooooh, shiiiiiiiiiiit!......." or something like that.

Ok, so you're in a plane and both wings fall off and catch fire for some reason, so you bail out.

Well seeing as I am a responable, this scenerio would never pan out for me. I'd preform all of my checks (walk-around, pre-flight, the whole deal) to insure that any malfunction is eliminated (or nearly so, odd chance of course). As well I'd file my flight plan if I was flying over 25 nautical miles, so people of higher standing would know of my where-abouts in the unlikely event of an accident. And if the wings did fall of and the plane did catch on fire, well I'd thank God I wasn't on board that one aircraft.

Open the parachute, if I could figure out how.

That's what I would need to figure out too....

That's what I would need to figure out too....
It's not rocket science.

Just make sure you have the harness on fairly tight, or you'll be wearing your crotch a few inches below your neck.

Ok, so you're in a plane and both wings fall off and catch fire for some reason, so you bail out. But the thing is you're flying over the middle of the ocean, so you have 2 choices.

1, open your parachute and land in the freezing water where you stand a 99.9% chance of dying from exposure or dehydration or being eaten by a shark. In short a horrid death. But there is a 0.1% chance you could be found by a ship (possibly you could land you're parachute on a party-ship and it'd be awesome) or drift ashore and survive.

2, Don't open you're chute and suffer a fast (but very fatal) death.

Which would you choose? Quick definite death or near certain slow death?
assuming you are bailing, then this must be a small craft/single seat craft.

if a small craft, then brace for impact, using the cushion(s) of the second seat for padding. then deploy the small raft that would be on board for such an emergency.

if single seat craft/fighter, eject with seat. then use floatation devise to stay afloat.

stay near the wreakage, for the US Coast Guard will then home in on the Emergency beacon and facilitate a rescue.

That's what I would need to figure out too....
opening the cute is easy... making sure it's on properly is the hard part.

assuming you are bailing, then this must be a small craft/single seat craft.

if a small craft, then brace for impact, using the cushion(s) of the second seat for padding. then deploy the small raft that would be on board for such an emergency.

if single seat craft/fighter, eject with seat. then use floatation devise to stay afloat.

stay near the wreakage, for the US Coast Guard will then home in on the Emergency beacon and facilitate a rescue.

Hmm, I forgot about some of that stuff as well. Seeing as I am the responsible pilot and wouldn't be caught in such a situation, I would be prepared for such a situation anyways. I'd ensure that persons aboard the aircraft would be equipped with a PFD, and although life rafts are not normally carried on small aircraft, a flight over open water may be in order. As well I would be within gliding distance of shore (if in a single engine aircraft) so if I ever did crash into the sea, land would not be far off. As well all aircraft are legally required to have a transmitter that is set off from hard impacts (usually sensitive enough to be set off in some landings) that transmits on the emergenct frequency of 121.5.

Ok, so you're in a plane and both wings fall off and catch fire for some reason, so you bail out. But the thing is you're flying over the middle of the ocean, so you have 2 choices.

1, open your parachute and land in the freezing water where you stand a 99.9% chance of dying from exposure or dehydration or being eaten by a shark. In short a horrid death. But there is a 0.1% chance you could be found by a ship (possibly you could land you're parachute on a party-ship and it'd be awesome) or drift ashore and survive.

2, Don't open you're chute and suffer a fast (but very fatal) death.

Which would you choose? Quick definite death or near certain slow death?

Open chute, remember flotation device and bring it so that I have a thingy to keep me afloat. Land. Swim towards closest land. Sure, it will be pretty far, but it gets me closer to the boats...
I also have this tendency of almost dying but not quite, so I'll expect that the .01% chance is mine.

Whichever option would allow me the possibility of saving as many of my fellow passengers as possible.

Otherwise ....

CANNONBALL!!!!!!

3. Rape every woman aboard before it crashed.

That's not funny, dude. And totally not cool.

That's not funny, dude. And totally not cool.

Sarcasm meter broken or something?

Sarcasm meter broken or something?

There are places for sarcasm. Rape isn't it. So it isn't funny or cool.

There are places for sarcasm. Rape isn't it.

That's not true...

I once read on a bathroom stall:

"A considerate rapist uses a condom"

underneath

"A considerate rapist?!"

Humor and sarcasm are acceptable, regardless.

We can judge a person by what they laugh at.

That's not true...

I once read on a bathroom stall:

"A considerate rapist uses a condom"

underneath

"A considerate rapist?!"

Humor and sarcasm are acceptable, regardless.

We can judge a person by what they laugh at.

I fail to see how that is sarcasm.

I fail to see how that is sarcasm.

*shrug*

Humor is like opinions, which are like assholes.

Everyone has one and they all stink.

There are places for sarcasm. Rape isn't it. So it isn't funny or cool.actually, the appropriate response would've been.

Rape every woman before it crashes?

you [Hokan] give a whole new meaning to the word Quickie! :D

actually, the appropriate response would've been.

No it wouldn't.

Other, I will do what I tell my students.

1. Undo seat harnesses
2. Turn around and face backwords in the seat
3. Lower pants so that buttocks is exposed
4. Place buttocks on Yoke and let the NTSB figure out what you were trying to do!

There are places for sarcasm. Rape isn't it. So it isn't funny or cool.
Plus, that wasn't sarcasm in the first place. The guy was being an asshole. Saying he was being sarcastic is giving him way too much credit.

Bad enough that it took three pages for someone to take issue with it.

/inconvenient but necessary downer speech

Plus, that wasn't sarcasm in the first place. The guy was being an asshole. Saying he was being sarcastic is giving him way too much credit.

Bad enough that it took three pages for someone to take issue with it.

/inconvenient but necessary downer speech

Thank you!

And sorry about the lateness - I didn't read this thread until three pages in...

Hmmm...the first one. The water would be too cold (assuming freezing as in 0 degrees Celsius and 32 degrees Fahrenheit) and thus I would not feel anything. Hence I will go for a long time but not feel any pain.

My testicles, however, would certainly shrink into my abdomen, which would massively suck beyond all doubt.

Thank you!

And sorry about the lateness - I didn't read this thread until three pages in...
Well, I was certainly blaming everyone *but* you. ;)


Oh, and to actually say something on topic for a change:

Open the parachute - there's no way I'd voluntarily kill myself.

Then I'd die of a heart attack the moment I'd imagine I felt something touch my legs under water. :rolleyes:

Chuck Norris was here.

Well, I was certainly blaming everyone *but* you. ;)

I know. And thanks.

Hmm, there is such a thing as a black box nowadays, flip it on and parachute out of the plane.

I'm a clown. Assuming I have my supplies with me in my carry-on bag, I will be fine in the ocean. Why?


Clown shoes and nose make excelent floatation devices.
baggy clown clothes will insulate against cold ocean water.
Sharks don't eat clowns; We taste funny. :)

I'm a clown. Assuming I have my supplies with me in my carry-on bag, I will be fine in the ocean. Why?


Clown shoes and nose make excelent floatation devices.
baggy clown clothes will insulate against cold ocean water.
Sharks don't eat clowns; We taste funny. :)

you forgot one. the slap and the bright colored clothes will help rescuers find you.

you forgot one. the slap and the bright colored clothes will help rescuers find you.

Not to mention the honking horn. :)

I go with the parachute- But be sure to take the inflatable raft with which all planes (At least any ones that I would take) are equipped.

If I were in that scenario, I'd probably take number 2. Well, probably not, but I probably should. The exact thought process ought to be, "You freaking idiot, not sticking close to land. Better remove yourself from the gene pool. Right-o." Ker-plunk.

If I were in that scenario, I'd probably take number 2. Well, probably not, but I probably should. The exact thought process ought to be, "You freaking idiot, not sticking close to land. Better remove yourself from the gene pool. Right-o." Ker-plunk.
well, when you live on an Island in the middle of the biggest ocean in the world...

Sticking to land makes for a very short, and dizzy, trip.

Still, it must provide for endless hours of fun. At least to a certain point, getting dizzy isn't so great after a while.

#1 all the way.

I'd take the 'chute option, drift to an island and find a volley ball among some washed up luggage and call it wilson then have long conversations with said wilson......then proceed to lose my sanity and dance around naked.