NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok... I need a little advice and help.

I've never been the most secure person, in fact you could say that I was an emotional cripple for most of my life. But I managed to get myself together, more or less, and to attempt to open up to people I care about. A little at a time.

My problem now is, I find it extremely difficult to gauge their reaction. To give an example, I tried opening up a little bit and talking to someone I met recently and started to like immediately. This person reacted positively, I would say, not urging me on to open up further, but not rejecting me either. But now the contact seems to be frozen, and I can't see the reason for that. So, I end up doing what I usually do, blame myself.
On the one hand I know full well that that isn't going to help me one bit, and that I'm probably misreading the entire situation, on the other hand I don't seem to be able to control myself in that respect too well.

Any tips on what I could do?

:headbang: :D :headbang: :headbang: ummmm let me think oooh yea they have specilsts in this area PHYCHIATRISTS!!!!NOT FORUMS U DICKHEAD and white padded rooms so go cut your self and be happy:headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

:headbang: :D :headbang: :headbang: ummmm let me think oooh yea they have specilsts in this area PHYCHIATRISTS!!!!NOT FORUMS U DICKHEAD and white padded rooms so go cut your self and be happy:headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

Immature answer from a complete n00b... great, you sure made me laugh. :p

Don't cut yourself. That's no way to go.

1. Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better.
2. Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion.
3. Mix vaseline and gasoline in a bucket.
4. Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center (not anymore, but you get the idea) is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd.
5. Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a lighter.
6. Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more you use the better. You cannot overdo this. Attach the altimeter to the explosives.
7. Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible.
8. Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life DOES NOT make for a good sound bite. Ask for news cameras from the major networks. Pace around a lot while waving your arms.
9. DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that.
10. When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire.
11. Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump.
12. Try to steer yourself towards the crowd. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt the fleeing onlookers when you explode.
13. Congratulations! You've just made history.

LOL...and you thought you had problems CW?

Ok... WHY are there people assuming I cut myself? Did I say a thing about that??? Anywhere? Ever?

may I suggest a wonderful vacation to whatever planet certain posters are from?

baring that, I'd say take a step back from the situation if you can. Don't look for what you could have done wrong. There may be nothing, there may be something. I suggest just asking the person. Be direct, and sincere. And most of all, relax. Really, just take a step back. Remove yourself for just a little while, even if its just 20 minutes. Grab a beer. Don't harp on it, but just consider it. Walk around your city, do a drawing, whatever will keep your mind going but without centering on one thing.

Ok... WHY are there people assuming I cut myself? Did I say a thing about that??? Anywhere? Ever?
What, you didn't get the memo? Anyone who has a personal problem clearly cuts themselves over it. You might want to get on that;)

may I suggest a wonderful vacation to whatever planet certain posters are from?

baring that, I'd say take a step back from the situation if you can. Don't look for what you could have done wrong. There may be nothing, there may be something. I suggest just asking the person. Be direct, and sincere. And most of all, relax. Really, just take a step back. Remove yourself for just a little while, even if its just 20 minutes. Grab a beer. Don't harp on it, but just consider it. Walk around your city, do a drawing, whatever will keep your mind going but without centering on one thing.

Relax and distract yourself, hm? Sounds like sane advise, thank you. I'll see what I can do. :)

What, you didn't get the memo? Anyone who has a personal problem clearly cuts themselves over it. You might want to get on that;)

Ah, ok. In that case, hand me the razor :p

Find a sausage making company that has a giant meat grinder. Set up a hidden video camera to tape your death. Leave a will with explicit instructions that it not be read until one year after the night of your grinding. In it, detail the way you died and the location of the hidden camera.

Sneak in at night naked and turn on the video camera. Climb into the grinder and take massive amounts of pills of your choice. Make sure it is enough to kill you.

In the morning you will be ground up and made into sausages. One year later your will, will be read to the news media and people all around the nation will vomit simultaneously.

Relax and distract yourself, hm? Sounds like sane advise, thank you. I'll see what I can do. :)
haha...just not totally distract yourself...its good to think about whats going on...just not great to overthink it

Ah, ok. In that case, hand me the razor :p

will this (http://www.astercity.net/~smash/miecze/metal/6.jpg) do?
I've heard Suppuku is alllllllll the rage:rolleyes:

:D

For Thanksgiving or Christmas

1. If you have any investments, convert them to money. Take all your money and loose it playing online poker. This is especially important if you are well off. Don't tell family members and other greedy people that would profit from your demise. After you die, they will go crazy trying to find the missing money.
2. Stick your head in the turkey just after it comes out of the oven preferably during the Christmas DayTM family gathering but a Thanksgiving DayTM end may also serve your purposes. Your timing really depends on your own peculiar circumstances.
3. Run around banging into family members all the while flailing your arms. You can never go wrong flailing your arms when trying to kill your self. The more flailing the better.
4. Go into a room that can be easily locked so you won't be accidently saved by well meaning but inconsiderate friends or family members.
Alternatively you can just flee the house and run through the streets aimlessly until you pass out. NO ONE in a large city will ever go near someone with a steaming turkey on his head. If you live in a wooded or rural area the best thing to do would be to run off into the wilderness so your body can be found with all sorts of gnaw marks on it from the multitude of animals that will flock to your decaying carcass (and the turkey's too).
5. An interesting footnote to this holiday might be to swallow a large number of Christmas ornaments (lights, small Santa dolls, actual fruit cake) before you follow your bliss. Give your family and friends (if you have either) something to discuss the following year.
:upyours:

Don't blame yourself. That's like being a little child again and filling up the closet with monsters.

Don't assume *you* did anything wrong. Maybe the other person got burned and is afraid of getting close to anyone now, not just you. Don't personalize the situation.

Make an attempt to find out why the other person seems cold. If you don't get a straight answer, don't press it. Give your relationship (or whatever) with that person time to rest while you concentrate on other work or other people. Go back later when you're more objective and feel more confident.

Ok... I need a little advice and help.

I've never been the most secure person, in fact you could say that I was an emotional cripple for most of my life. But I managed to get myself together, more or less, and to attempt to open up to people I care about. A little at a time.

My problem now is, I find it extremely difficult to gauge their reaction. To give an example, I tried opening up a little bit and talking to someone I met recently and started to like immediately. This person reacted positively, I would say, not urging me on to open up further, but not rejecting me either. But now the contact seems to be frozen, and I can't see the reason for that. So, I end up doing what I usually do, blame myself.
On the one hand I know full well that that isn't going to help me one bit, and that I'm probably misreading the entire situation, on the other hand I don't seem to be able to control myself in that respect too well.

Any tips on what I could do?

Open up more. You'll get hurt. Alot. Make no mistake. Alot. You need to learn to walk and to fall still. It hurts to fall. But it is worth it and the pain is small compared to the pain of self imposed emotional isolation. If you want to be happier than you are right now you need to open up and take your lumps before you get too old and set in your ways to do so. Its probably not what you wanted to hear but in my opinion it is true.

It's all your fault. It's always been your fault. Nobody wants you around. Life is just suffering anyway. End it and spare the rest of us your whining.

haha...just not totally distract yourself...its good to think about whats going on...just not great to overthink it

I'm one of those people who simply can't turn off their brains, no matter what I try.... but I'll give it another go ;)


will this (http://www.astercity.net/~smash/miecze/metal/6.jpg) do?
I've heard Suppuku is alllllllll the rage:rolleyes:

:D

I would need an assistant for that, though, right?

It's all your fault. It's always been your fault. Nobody wants you around. Life is just suffering anyway. End it and spare the rest of us your whining.

Who's whining? I simply asked for advise. If you don't want to read it, noone's forcing you.
But I guess you just get a kick out of giving out to someone you assume is even smaller than you....

I'm one of those people who simply can't turn off their brains, no matter what I try....
sometimes thats a good thing. This coming from the guy who had the same problem last night, and drove myself insane...but yeah. I've never been good at following my own advice.


I would need an assistant for that, though, right?
haha...what're you doing, oh...10 tonight, your time?;)

It's all your fault. It's always been your fault. Nobody wants you around. Life is just suffering anyway. End it and spare the rest of us your whining.



That's fairly profound advice. Tell you what, why don't you follow it? Begone, n00b.


Ok... WHY are there people assuming I cut myself? Did I say a thing about that??? Anywhere? Ever?


My guess is because they're a couple of smartass teens who have yet to realize that the world extends beyond themselves.

I answer to your OP, not an easy one. I have the same problem reading people. You could try to continue being friendly, and see if you get a clearer signal. Take the advice of someone who is learning this the hard way, don't talk too much about your problems until you get to know this person better. I'm still paying for that mistake. Try drawing them out, and showing that you care about what they say. Hopefully this is good advice. Just be friendly, but not too needy. Hope it goes well.

haha...what're you doing, oh...10 tonight, your time?;)

NOT shoving a big knife into my stomach, to have my head cut off seconds later :p
Any other suggestions?

NOT shoving a big knife into my stomach, to have my head cut off seconds later :p
Any other suggestions?
pssht....rain on my parade why don't ya?!;)

haha...I shall sleep on it and see if I can come up with anything. Sadly, my brain shut down around the seppuku comment, and won't be waking up for several hours.

I answer to your OP, not an easy one. I have the same problem reading people. You could try to continue being friendly, and see if you get a clearer signal. Take the advice of someone who is learning this the hard way, don't talk too much about your problems until you get to know this person better. I'm still paying for that mistake. Try drawing them out, and showing that you care about what they say. Hopefully this is good advice. Just be friendly, but not too needy. Hope it goes well.

I definitely didn't open up too much in the time I know this person. I kept things level and unemotional, but I tried to at least give out a bit of information about myself.
Patience, another good piece of advice. I'll just keep smiling and will hope for things to clear up a bit, then. The bit about not being "needy" is hard on me, though. ;)

I definitely didn't open up too much in the time I know this person. I kept things level and unemotional, but I tried to at least give out a bit of information about myself.
Patience, another good piece of advice. I'll just keep smiling and will hope for things to clear up a bit, then. The bit about not being "needy" is hard on me, though. ;)



Me too. Your own advice is probably a good idea. :)

ummmm let me think oooh yea they have specilsts in this area PHYCHIATRISTS!!!!NOT FORUMS U DICKHEAD and white padded rooms so go cut your self and be happy

I don't think I've ever met such an inconsiderate retard.:upyours: You sound remarkably like some of the 7th graders at my school, n00b. And besides, who's going to pay hundreds of dollars for a shrink when you can always go on forums to possibly get easier advice? :headbang: Dear Lord, the STUPIDITY! :sniper:

On a different note... I have the smae problem. It's from bad experiences as a young child (not that I've been raised in an abusive household, just that I was bullied a lot when I first moved down here. Redneck children in North Carolina are very mean :( Along with that I have acne problems (and the insecurity about that gets worse when retards *cough*lookup*cough* nitpick at it). And then I'm considered a freak because I am simply not interested in sports. Heh.

The best thing to do is say stuff. If somebody likes you keep being more open. That's all I can say. :D

:headbang: :D :headbang: :headbang: ummmm let me think oooh yea they have specilsts in this area PHYCHIATRISTS!!!!NOT FORUMS U DICKHEAD and white padded rooms so go cut your self and be happy:headbang: :headbang: :headbang:

You should have included gun smilies in your post. It's the accepted way for complete tools to introduce themselves.

Alcohol has always given me confidence.
Nothing like a bit of Dutch courage.

Well, from my own experience, the way I learnt to deal with things like this was one learnt from CBT. Basically, I had to think of calm, objective, rational counterthoughts to my insecurities and worries. Even if I didn't believe them, getting into the habit of doing this with all these thoughts, gradually you can work them up to be an almost natural response and you can build up faith in them.

Part of that just came with a certain "click" in my life though. Whatever I say, sometimes it'll take some odd moment or experience to change your way of thinking.

With blaming yourself, I don't know what would work best for you. Either allowing yourself the feelings, or actively fighting them. You'll probably know whether you accept feelings and then move on, or if it'll end up spiralling worse.

You need to realise that just because you wouldn't cut contact with someone without a reason, that doesn't mean other people wouldn't. You can't apply your actions and thoughts to other people. You don't know what happened to make them behave like this. Maybe they have their own issues - peoples' choices aren't necessarily focused around you*. Maybe it really was for no reason - some people do stuff like that. Perhaps you're trying to find meaning where there is none.

You either have to accept the lack of knowledge or gain the knowledge. Have you tried asking them? That's the only chance you'll have of getting a direct, clear, true answer. And if they can't give that, communication and openness with them would always have been a struggle.

You can learn to respond in a more healthy way. It just takes time to break down a learned way of thinking. Until you can give a more objective view, you need someone else who can help you see things more clearly. (I'm always a TG away if you need someone to run thoughts past).

Apart from all that advice which may mean absolutly nothing, have some fluffles :fluffle: :fluffle: and whether it means something or not, I have faith in you.

*I don't mean this to imply any arrogance or anything of the sort; I think...wait, I know that you're caring and thoughtful and often put others before yourself. I simply know that insecurities can lead to focusing on yourself wrongly in situations like this.

Ok... I need a little advice and help.

I've never been the most secure person, in fact you could say that I was an emotional cripple for most of my life. But I managed to get myself together, more or less, and to attempt to open up to people I care about. A little at a time.

My problem now is, I find it extremely difficult to gauge their reaction. To give an example, I tried opening up a little bit and talking to someone I met recently and started to like immediately. This person reacted positively, I would say, not urging me on to open up further, but not rejecting me either. But now the contact seems to be frozen, and I can't see the reason for that. So, I end up doing what I usually do, blame myself.
On the one hand I know full well that that isn't going to help me one bit, and that I'm probably misreading the entire situation, on the other hand I don't seem to be able to control myself in that respect too well.

Any tips on what I could do?
well i went through something similar at uni last year. i kinda cut off contact with a bunch of friends from the first year (we just grew apart but i blamed myself - not the issue though), and then found it impossible to make new friends in that second year. i would talk to people, be friendly and open, as nice and just... pleasant as i could, and people would react nice enough, but it never actually ended up with anything approaching friendship. i had (and still have) no idea why, and did two things: blamed myself and assumed i was defective in some way, and blamed them all for being 'assholes'. now i know they may have had their own reasons to not be friendly... actually, frankly, i don't care. didn't help my general situation though, as i ended up socially paranoid/anxious and stuff.

point is, you're not alone. not the only one who may have difficulty understanding others in this way or forming friendships (thats what it sounds like to me - apologies if i'm wrong). my advice would be to look at yourself and see if there's anything that may be putting them off forming closer ties with you (myself, probably the fact i stank of smoke/pot all the time and looked generally like i'd been dragged backwards through a hedge didn't help :p), but also maybe to just suck it and see - maybe try different people, or stick at it with this perspn. try not to blame yourself (i think the ever-wonderful amy said some good things on that point :))

and now i must go...

Alcohol has always given me confidence.
Nothing like a bit of Dutch courage.
Russian courage works too. Don't try Irish courage though. Poteen is the bigger, scarier brother of moonshine.

Russian courage works too. Don't try Irish courage though. Poteen is the bigger, scarier brother of moonshine.
You must explain this Poteen to me AFAIK it is like Codiene(SP)...

pssht....rain on my parade why don't ya?!;)

haha...I shall sleep on it and see if I can come up with anything. Sadly, my brain shut down around the seppuku comment, and won't be waking up for several hours.

*lol
I guess it's normal for a brain to shut down somewhere when it comes to seppuku ;)

And it would seem I was entirely correct with my first assumption about that person, so I don't need to worry any more :D

Well, from my own experience, the way I learnt to deal with things like this was one learnt from CBT. Basically, I had to think of calm, objective, rational counterthoughts to my insecurities and worries. Even if I didn't believe them, getting into the habit of doing this with all these thoughts, gradually you can work them up to be an almost natural response and you can build up faith in them.

Part of that just came with a certain "click" in my life though. Whatever I say, sometimes it'll take some odd moment or experience to change your way of thinking.

With blaming yourself, I don't know what would work best for you. Either allowing yourself the feelings, or actively fighting them. You'll probably know whether you accept feelings and then move on, or if it'll end up spiralling worse.

You need to realise that just because you wouldn't cut contact with someone without a reason, that doesn't mean other people wouldn't. You can't apply your actions and thoughts to other people. You don't know what happened to make them behave like this. Maybe they have their own issues - peoples' choices aren't necessarily focused around you*. Maybe it really was for no reason - some people do stuff like that. Perhaps you're trying to find meaning where there is none.

You either have to accept the lack of knowledge or gain the knowledge. Have you tried asking them? That's the only chance you'll have of getting a direct, clear, true answer. And if they can't give that, communication and openness with them would always have been a struggle.

You can learn to respond in a more healthy way. It just takes time to break down a learned way of thinking. Until you can give a more objective view, you need someone else who can help you see things more clearly. (I'm always a TG away if you need someone to run thoughts past).

Apart from all that advice which may mean absolutly nothing, have some fluffles :fluffle: :fluffle: and whether it means something or not, I have faith in you.

*I don't mean this to imply any arrogance or anything of the sort; I think...wait, I know that you're caring and thoughtful and often put others before yourself. I simply know that insecurities can lead to focusing on yourself wrongly in situations like this.

Thanks, Amy. That was some really good advice.

I tend to focus on negative emotions (mostly about myself) in situations that depress and/or confuse me, so I need to come up with a form of mental reaction to that. I easily let them spiral out of all control otherwise. It's a learning process, though, and one I might need assistance with. I've talked about it with two of my best friends hat helped already.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

Thanks, Amy. That was some really good advice.

I tend to focus on negative emotions (mostly about myself) in situations that depress and/or confuse me, so I need to come up with a form of mental reaction to that. I easily let them spiral out of all control otherwise. It's a learning process, though, and one I might need assistance with. I've talked about it with two of my best friends hat helped already.

:fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:
Well, anything I can do to help is my pleasure :) :fluffle:
It's great that you have close friends you can chat to *nods*

It is a learning process to react and respond in certain, healthier ways, and it's also a very individual thing. The main thing which was involved for me was actively doing things, in a fairly structured way too. I had to write things down and write down the counter-thoughts to force myself into doing it, and after that I got better at doing it without writing, until it's become almost like second nature. It is something that does take continuing effort though, to exercise this control. It has a fairly simple basis, but it takes effort to keep it up. It's 100% worth the effort though.

I wish you all the best of luck, just in general :) and - as I said - I have faith in you :fluffle:

You must explain this Poteen to me AFAIK it is like Codiene(SP)...

I'm pretty sure it's moonshine made from potatoes.

*sigh

Seems I was right in my worries. And just once I would so have loved to be wrong...