NationStates Jolt Archive


Zarqawi's Last Words [Humor Necessary]

Layarteb
09-06-2006, 21:21
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/06/09/D8I4Q5TG0.html

Zarqawi Lived Briefly After Attack
Jun 09 12:33 PM US/Eastern
Email this story

By KIM GAMEL and ROBERT BURNS
Associated Press Writers


BAGHDAD, Iraq


A mortally wounded Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was still alive and mumbling after American airstrikes on his hideout and tried to get off a stretcher when he became aware of U.S. troops at the scene, a top military official said Friday.

Also, U.S. troops conducted 39 raids late Thursday and early Friday based on information gleaned from searches in the hours after the al- Qaida leader's death. Fearing that insurgents will seek revenge, Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki imposed driving bans in Baghdad and restive Diyala province, where the terrorist was killed.



Al-Zarqawi could barely speak when Iraqi police arrived at the scene of Wednesday's attack.

"He mumbled something, but it was indistinguishable and it was very short," U.S. military spokesman Maj. Gen. William Caldwell said at a news conference.

U.S. and Polish forces arrived intending to provide unspecified medical treatment, and al-Zarqawi was put on a stretcher, Caldwell said. The terrorist "attempted to sort of turn away off the stretcher, everybody reached to insert him back. ... He died a short time later from the wounds suffered during the airstrike.

"We did in fact see him alive," he said. "There was some sort of movement he had on the stretcher, and he did die a short time later."

Caldwell said the U.S. military was still compiling details of the airstrike, including the exact amount of time Zarqawi was alive afterward. He said an initial analysis of Zarqawi's body was done but he was not certain it constituted a full autopsy.

In an interview earlier Friday with Fox News, Caldwell was more descriptive of Zarqawi's actions before he died.

"He was conscious initially, according to the U.S. forces that physically saw him," Caldwell told Fox. "He obviously had some kind of visual recognition of who they were because he attempted to roll off the stretcher, as I am told, and get away, realizing it was U.S. military."

At the news conference, the spokesman also provided a revised death toll from the attack.

Gen. George Casey, the top U.S. commander in Iraq, had said four people, including a woman and a child, were killed with al-Zarqawi and Abu Abdul-Rahman al-Iraqi, the terrorist's spiritual consultant.

Caldwell said it now appears there was no child among those killed. He cautioned that some facts were still being sorted out but said that three women and three men, including al-Zarqawi, were killed.

Pentagon officials have refused to say whether U.S. special operations forces participated in the al-Zarqawi operation Wednesday, but a comment Friday by President Bush suggested that some of the military's most secretive units may have been involved on the ground.

Speaking to reporters, Bush mentioned that among the senior officers he called to offer congratulations for killing Zarqawi was Army Lt. Gen. Stanley McChrystal, commander of Joint Special Operations Command, whose forces include the Army's clandestine counterterrorism unit, Delta Force.

Caldwell also said U.S. forces have conducted many raids over the past two days based on intelligence gathered from the scene of Zarqawi's killing.

A targeted individual was killed and at least 25 people were captured, he said. One raid discovered small arms, ammunition and other items hidden beneath the floor of a building in the Baghdad area.

Speaking to the British Broadcasting Corp., the spokesman said troops carried out 39 raids overnight in which troops "picked up things like memory sticks, some hard drives" that would allow American forces to begin dismantling al-Zarqawi's al-Qaida in Iraq.

Those raids were based on 17 simultaneous raids U.S. troops staged Wednesday near Baqouba, the capital of Diyala province. The region is in the heartland of the Sunni Arab-led insurgency and has seen a recent rise in sectarian violence. Baqouba is 35 miles northeast of Baghdad.

He said the latest information was helping U.S. forces unravel the source of al-Qaida's weapons and financing.

As Iraqi and U.S. leaders cautioned that al-Zarqawi's death was not likely to end the insurgency, Caldwell said another foreign-born militant was poised to take over the terror network's operations.

He said Egyptian-born Abu al-Masri would likely take the reins of al- Qaida in Iraq. He said al-Masri trained in Afghanistan and arrived in Iraq in 2002 to establish an al-Qaida cell.

The U.S. military did not further identify al-Masri and his real identity could not immediately be determined. But the Central Command has listed an Abu Ayyub al-Masri as among its most wanted al-Zarqawi associates and placed a $50,000 bounty on his head.

Al-Masri, whose name is an obvious alias meaning "father of the Egyptian," is believed to be an expert at constructing roadside bombs, the leading cause of U.S. military casualties in Iraq.

The midday driving ban in Baghdad lasted four hours. All traffic was banned in Diyala from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. for three days starting Friday.

The Baghdad ban fell when most Iraqis attend Friday prayers. Bombers have previously targeted Shiite mosques with suicide attackers and mortars hidden in vehicles.

The bans aim "to protect mosques and prayers from any possible terrorist attacks, especially car bombs, in the wake off yesterday's event," an Iraqi government official said, referring to al-Zarqawi's death. He spoke on condition of anonymity because he is not authorized to speak to media.

Al-Zarqawi, who had a $25 million bounty on his head, was killed at after an intense two-week hunt that U.S. officials said first led to his spiritual adviser and then to him.

The U.S. military had displayed images of the battered face of al- Zarqawi and reported that he was identified by fingerprints, tattoos and scars. But Caldwell said Friday that authorities made a visual identification of al-Zarqawi at the site of the airstrike.

Biological samples from his body were delivered to an FBI crime laboratory in Virginia for DNA testing. Results were expected in three days.

Violence was unabated Thursday and Friday:

_Gunmen kidnapped Muthanna al-Badri, director general of state company for oil projects, or SCOP, while he drove Thursday in his predominantly Sunni Arab neighborhood of Baghdad, ministry spokesman Assem Jihad said Friday.

_A fire fight Friday west of Baqouba killed five civilians and wounded three, and demolished five houses, according to regional authorities.

_The torso of a man wearing a military uniform was found floating in a river Friday morning near Kut, 100 miles southeast of Baghdad, a morgue official said.

_Police found five unidentified bodies late Thursday of men who had been shot in the head in eastern Baghdad.

_Gunmen opened fire on Friday's funeral procession for the brother of the governor of the northern city of Mosul. Zuhair Kashmola was killed by gunmen on Thursday.

____

AP Military Writer Robert Burns contributed to this story from Washington.


So according to this, Zarqawi was alive and muttered something right before he died. Any gander as to what it was that he muttered? Have some fun with it. Mods, if it is inappropriate, let me know and close it up, otherwise this is done in good fun, I mean that guy was an international terrorst.

Disclaimer: Please don't flame this and turn it political, just have some fun.

1. "Fucking Chuck Norris!"

2. "They weren't kidding when they said blast-effect."

3. "Ouch."

4. "Damnit!"

5. "I see 'Blue' and he looks GLORIOUS!"
Imperiux
09-06-2006, 21:23
In the name of Allah, peace be upon him, FUCKING MOTHERFUCKERS!
Deep Kimchi
09-06-2006, 23:39
Are you the pizza delivery man?
TeHe
09-06-2006, 23:40
"Jeez Allah, I asked you to smite the infidels, not me!"
Cluichstan
09-06-2006, 23:40
"Ah, my 72 virgins. Finally, I'm gonna get laid!"
Ifreann
09-06-2006, 23:41
I knew I shouldn't have eaten that chilli
TeHe
09-06-2006, 23:42
"Ah, my 72 virgins. Finally, I'm gonna get laid!"

"Wait, that one's my sister. And there's my aunt. And that's my cousin! That one, too! This must be hell!"
Layarteb
09-06-2006, 23:42
"Schiesse!"
Ginnoria
09-06-2006, 23:44
"OMG WALLHACKER!"

CS Voice intones:
*Counter-Terrorists Win*
Molson Park
09-06-2006, 23:44
"No ma! I don't want to go to school today!"
Cluichstan
09-06-2006, 23:45
"Wait, that one's my sister. And there's my aunt. And that's my cousin! That one, too! This must be hell!"

As if that would stop him...
Franberry
09-06-2006, 23:46
"OMG WALLHACKER!"

CS Voice intones:
*Counter-Terrorists Win*
fucking hacks
Layarteb
09-06-2006, 23:47
Jesus? Is that you? Son of a!!!
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:47
In the name of baby Allah do not let me be found by Geraldo Rivera
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:48
Maybe 17 heads in boxes WAS a little over the top after all.
The South Islands
09-06-2006, 23:50
Tis but a flesh wound!
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:50
Leno and Coulter are going to have a damned field day with this.
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:51
Thats going to leave a mark.
Molson Park
09-06-2006, 23:51
Jesus? Is that you? Son of a!!!
"Jesus? Is that you? 'Sup homie? Yo, where's Mo at? Nah, not MoSES - I'm talkin' 'bout MoHAMMAD."
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:52
All of my camels and car bombs for one more moment of life
Sumamba Buwhan
09-06-2006, 23:52
"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! WHy didn't I wear clean underwear today?"
Genaia3
09-06-2006, 23:52
A) "Hang on a moment, I only count 71".

B) "Al-Zarqawi? - oh no, that chap lives down the road".

C) "Tell my goats my heart will always be with them".
New Zero Seven
09-06-2006, 23:52
Yo! Pick up the phone --- WAZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP?!?!?!?!?
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:53
Achmed you goat loving bastard you said this was a SAFE house.
Hydesland
09-06-2006, 23:53
"Osamas gonna have my legs broke when he sees what i've done with the place!"
Layarteb
09-06-2006, 23:54
"DOH!"

"I shat myself."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
Layarteb
09-06-2006, 23:54
"So who got the number of that GBU-12 that just raped me."
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:54
Ouchwa!
Gymoor Prime
09-06-2006, 23:55
"You know, that Danish cartoon was actually kinda funny...:
Ifreann
09-06-2006, 23:55
"Remember me as a peace maker*cough, splutter, fall off the stretcher*"
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:56
This wont spin well on Al Jazeera will it?
Layarteb
09-06-2006, 23:56
"I think I messed up."
Not bad
09-06-2006, 23:58
I can just imagine those dipshits on NationStates arguing about me already.
The Black Hand of Nod
09-06-2006, 23:58
'Least I ain't Chicken'

'Eu tu Bushtish.'

'Son of A bitch!'

'Bombs over Bagdad...'
Layarteb
09-06-2006, 23:59
I can just imagine those dipshits on NationStates arguing about me already.

HA!

"Fucking Layarteb has nothing better to do huh."

"Whose going to pay this dry cleaning bill?"

"I can't see my house from here."
Ifreann
10-06-2006, 00:00
I can just imagine those dipshits on NationStates arguing about me already.
You win.
Not bad
10-06-2006, 00:00
Hail Mary full of grace hallowed be thy AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!
Strippers and Blow
10-06-2006, 00:00
At least I saved a bundle on car insurance by switching to Geico.
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 00:00
"McAlllahhhhhHhhhhh!!!"

"Jeffrey? Hey listen buddy I'm not gay. Why are you eating me? WHAT THE..."
Dweladelfia prime
10-06-2006, 00:01
"DONT KILL ME I KNOW WERE JIMMY HOFA IS!!!!!!!!!"

"I shouldnt ove slept with Osama's sister that time."
Cluichstan
10-06-2006, 00:02
"Before I go...just one...slice...of...bacon..."
Ginnoria
10-06-2006, 00:02
At least I saved a bundle on car insurance by switching to Geico.
Hahaha, your name is awesome.
Dweladelfia prime
10-06-2006, 00:03
I can just imagine those dipshits on NationStates arguing about me already.

YA thats the best.
New Zero Seven
10-06-2006, 00:03
"I DEMAND OILY CHEESE NOW!" :mad:
Leocardia
10-06-2006, 00:04
1. Ehh... shit.

2. Goddamnit, I was having sex!

3. Fuck, I was praying!
Not bad
10-06-2006, 00:04
All we are saaaaaaaayyyiiiing

Is give peas a chance
Kamsaki
10-06-2006, 00:04
Didn't say anything. He was swallowing his gold fillings to protect them from the infidels.
Questers
10-06-2006, 00:04
'Finally! I get to meet Allah! Oh, wait... Fuck.'
Not bad
10-06-2006, 00:06
Just another example of Jews trying to ruin a Jihad for everybody.
Hakubi
10-06-2006, 00:06
"I feel happy. I feel happy..."

*crack*

Ahh... thank you very much. (You know the bit :D )

--------

"Ack! the 72 brown-eyed virgins, egad, I can see why... sonofabitch! :headbang: "
Questers
10-06-2006, 00:06
'America, fuck yeah.'
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 00:06
"I wanted a party!"
Dweladelfia prime
10-06-2006, 00:06
"I know who shot kennedy!"

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CIVIL RIGHTS!"

"Isnt this against the geniva convention?"
Ieuano
10-06-2006, 00:06
oh god no, my virgins are all 70 year old short fat blokes....
Questers
10-06-2006, 00:08
'godmod'
RLI Returned
10-06-2006, 00:08
"Ok, it's a fair cop. Now it's your turn to hide."

"Can't you people take a joke?"
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 00:09
"Why are my virgins foaming at the mouth?"
Mahria
10-06-2006, 00:09
A.) Somehow, this is all the Israelis fault.

B.) Dude, this is what we've been doing to everyone...?
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 00:10
"Mein balls!"
Not bad
10-06-2006, 00:10
Being a martyr isnt as great as I was led to believe
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 00:13
"This hurts...a lot."

"So this is what Yamamoto meant..."

"Fucking Osama!"

"I give up."

"I know where the WMDs are."

"I am a WMD."
JuNii
10-06-2006, 00:14
"Always look on the bright side of li...."

"I told him to be careful when putting that bomb together"
Earthican
10-06-2006, 00:14
"Uh-huh. So this is what you meant by shock and awe? Is this the best you can do? You wanna a piece of me? 'Cause there's one over there."

"Wait, a stretcher? I'm perfectly fine, I can get up myse--- *crash*"
The Gupta Dynasty
10-06-2006, 00:15
"Can I have a pillow? I'm not that comfortable."
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 00:15
"I can't find my car keys."
Minkonio
10-06-2006, 00:17
"Life in the fast lane, everything, all the time...*erk!*"

"At least i'll leave a beutiful corpse ::looks down::...Aw, fu*k."

"*cough*, hate you guys, *cough-cough*, screw you guys...Need...Cheesy-poofs! Argh!"

"But I just...Had it...Refurbished..."
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 00:18
"Uday and Qusay were pussies!"
Mahria
10-06-2006, 00:21
"Uh-huh. So this is what you meant by shock and awe? Is this the best you can do? You wanna a piece of me? 'Cause there's one over there."

bravo, bravo. that one an original?
Rubiconic Crossings
10-06-2006, 00:22
owned
Sumamba Buwhan
10-06-2006, 00:24
"Oy Vey"
Porcine Aviators
10-06-2006, 00:26
"Ah, my 72 virgins. Finally, I'm gonna get laid!"

Allah i've got a herd of 72 goats. You didn't say what type of virgins, you b*st*rd!!
Chellis
10-06-2006, 00:26
"I blame the canadians, there's no way you americans hit me"
Cruxium
10-06-2006, 00:29
"Americans actually hit us? But we aren't allied with them..."

"Well, it is looking more and more like Osama was right, caves are a good idea."
Bakamongue
10-06-2006, 00:32
Rosebud...
Cluichstan
10-06-2006, 00:33
Rosebud...

Too easy. :p
The Infinite Dunes
10-06-2006, 00:40
This can't be right, my script said I had at least until october.

Hey, nice to see you again guys. I've already been though this once and know the procedure, so lets just skip it and let me walk away right now *umpf*
Cluichstan
10-06-2006, 00:41
"Pork fat rules!"

C'mon...some of you hafta watch Emeril. ;)
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 00:42
"I never got to see Disneyland"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 00:45
"Rosebud"
Cluichstan
10-06-2006, 00:45
"Rosebud"

Already been done, and it's weak. :p
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 00:47
Already been done, and it's weak. :p

Sorry, didn't feel like reading the other pages

"This sucks"

"I gotta find Buba!"
A_B
10-06-2006, 00:51
"Boy, it sure is hot in heaven"

"But.........but.......I can't die........the allah stuff you know........"

"So when I shoot at americans, they actually shoot back?"

"I see....so the 72 virgins........are overweight male everquest players who never moved out?"

"Lucifer??????? God didn't want me commiting mass murder?"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 00:53
"I haven't been drinking, officer"

"Did anyone get the license plate from that truck"

"Dude...they crashed my crib!"
Ifreann
10-06-2006, 00:56
"Derka Mohammed Ji....*cough*...had!"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 00:56
"Daddy never loved me"

"I want my mommy"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 00:57
"Derka Mohammed Ji....*cough*...had!"

*Side splitting laughter*

That's great!
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 00:59
"Screw you guys...I'm going...home"
B0zzy
10-06-2006, 01:02
I want a lawyer...
Lunatic Goofballs
10-06-2006, 01:03
"What the hell are my legs doing over there?!?"

:)
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:03
"What did I do?"

"I didn't get to watch Opera today"

"I spilled mt coffee"
Doomingsland
10-06-2006, 01:09
Hmmmmm...

1) "Dirka dirka?!?! Bakal-AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

2) "0MFG!n00bz stpi0p h4x0r12g"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:09
"I need an advil!"
JuNii
10-06-2006, 01:13
"*Cough* ... Tell Abdul that he won the Explosive Flatulence Contest..."
The Remote Islands
10-06-2006, 01:13
Here's mine: "And I never got to seriously injure my spleen!"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:14
"I needed to redecorate anyways"
Bakamongue
10-06-2006, 01:14
Sorry, didn't feel like reading the other pages

"This sucks"

"I gotta find Buba!"Don't worry, it was only a bit before you when I said it.

And as we've both been roundly chastised for that answer, let me reveal some more of the ones that I had in mind (but didn't for the sake of brevity...)

"I think I could eat one of Bellamy's pork pies."[1]

"I do not have to forgive my enemies, I have had them all blown up."[2]

"Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest moment of my life."[3]

"Either that wallpaper goes, or I do."[4]

"Seventeen whiskies. A record, I think."[5]

"I'd rather be in Ramallah[6]

"Bin Laden has been very good to me. He promoted me from a simple reporter to be a terrorist. Then he raised me to be a militant leader. Now he will raise me to be a martyr."[7]

[1] To go along with the prevaling mood of "let's have him praising non-Halal foodstuffs", I've changed that from the original 'veal', beng unable to ascertain any humour in the original. I was going to change "Bellamy" to "Bartholemew" or something else Hebrew, but then I coul;dn't use pork... I tell you, this attempt to be humorous is more trouble than it's worth.
[2] A perversion of Ramón Maria Narváez's reputed last words.
[3] Oooh, maybe too close tot he bone. Originally George Engel, 1880s Chicago bomber...
[4] Oscar Wilde's last words. Thought about changing it to reflect that the walls had already gone, but naaa....
[5] orig. Dylan Thomas
[6] A play on the attributed "I'd rather be in Philadelphia" of W.C. Fields, for the culturally barren among you... ;)
[7] A conversion of some of Anne Boleyn's last reported words... Messy, I know. (F.Y.I.: Bin Laden <= The King; Reporter <= maid; Terrorist <= marchioness; Martyr <= martyr (i.e. unchanged))
Cotland
10-06-2006, 01:18
"Thank Allah my llife insurance covers getting bombed by the American infidels!"
Cluichstan
10-06-2006, 01:19
"A ham! A ham! My kingdom for a ham!"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:20
"Do I hear "Knockin' on Heaven's Door?"
The Remote Islands
10-06-2006, 01:21
"AAAAAAAAARRRRGG!!!!!!!!!!!"

"And I never got to bomb an Imax theater."
Not bad
10-06-2006, 01:21
Which way is mecca?
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:22
"I never got laid!"
The Remote Islands
10-06-2006, 01:23
"Do I hear "Knockin' on Heaven's Door?"
Ya mean HELL'S door.
Sonnveld
10-06-2006, 01:23
"I see a little silhouette-o of a man..."

"Dammit! I forgot to let the dog out."

"Whaddaya mean, you're out of virgins?!?"

"Not yet."
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:24
"They broke my watch!"
Not bad
10-06-2006, 01:25
I wish I hadnt saved for retirement
Taredas
10-06-2006, 01:26
"I was promised 72 virgins, not 72 grapes!" This was too easy.

"Wait, you're Iblis, not Allah... and where are my 72 virgins, anyways?"
Also too easy... remember, Iblis is the Islamic version of Lucifer.
"When I die, I shall ascend... oh, wait, they were lying all along? Damn you, Ori!" The obligatory Stargate: SG-1 reference.
The Remote Islands
10-06-2006, 01:26
"They broke my watch!"
"And my pacemaker!"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:27
"I always loved you...Osama"
United O-Zone
10-06-2006, 01:35
"President Bush....if you can hear me...I masturbate to you every night."
Lunatic Goofballs
10-06-2006, 01:36
"Dammit! I broke a nail!"

or

"COuld one of you nice soldiers please remove the piece of burning red hot shrapnel from my rectum?"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:37
"Dude, where's my car?"
Not bad
10-06-2006, 01:38
I dont remember eating THAT!
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:38
"I...never got to fluffle"
United O-Zone
10-06-2006, 01:39
"Does this mean I miss "Will And Grace" tonight?"
Not bad
10-06-2006, 01:39
OY! Infidels!

A little gentler with the stretcher please~
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:40
"That was a wild party"
Lunatic Goofballs
10-06-2006, 01:40
"I eat one pork chop, and THIS happens!"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:41
"I'm such an asshole prick"
United O-Zone
10-06-2006, 01:44
Zaraqwi :Death is so beautiful. The meaning of life is...

Marine: Yeah, shut up. Which of these Iraqi teenage girls do you think has bigger breasts?
Not bad
10-06-2006, 01:45
I wonder if there is a market for "I got bombed at The Safe House" tee shirts?
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:46
"I just had this...dry cleaned"
Lunatic Goofballs
10-06-2006, 01:47
"I never got to see X-men 3!" :mad:
Not bad
10-06-2006, 01:48
Do not be ridiculous Anwar. We are safe here. The running yellow infidels could not find their asses with both hands my friend
United O-Zone
10-06-2006, 01:48
I never got to use my BOGO coupon at the Gap!
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:48
"Star Wars sucked"
United O-Zone
10-06-2006, 01:52
Listen carefully...the Lost Treasure of king Hahmadhamid is at...*Zarqawi dies*
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:55
"To be or not to be...man, I'm messed up!"
Monkey Pirate Island
10-06-2006, 01:58
"Tag! You're it! Ugh..."

"Snake? SNAAAAAAKE!"

"The Klondike Bar... was worth it."

"Ah, this is nothing. I was blown up TWICE before."
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 01:59
"Where's my monkey suit?...I want to die wearing my monkey suit!"
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 02:08
"I got blowed the fuck up."
Demogogery
10-06-2006, 02:09
"I hope I get my 77 virgins." Is what I'd expect out of an incontinent murderer.

:upyours: Zarqawi
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 02:13
"I didn't get to check Myspace today"
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 02:15
"I hope I get my 77 virgins." Is what I'd expect out of an incontinent murderer.

:upyours: Zarqawi

Fuck that asshole.

"You know I misplaced my balls somewhere here."
Monkey Pirate Island
10-06-2006, 02:23
"Thank you Mario!"

"How many Israelis does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

"Oilers or Hurricanes?"
JuNii
10-06-2006, 02:50
missed me by *that* much
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 02:55
"Wait a second? Virgins? No. I'm at the DMV. No! Fuck! HELL!"
Monkey Pirate Island
10-06-2006, 03:05
"You pay WHAT for gas?!", followed shortly by a heart-attack.

"Man, you guys showed me!"

"Remember these words: Gort, klaatu barada nikto."
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 03:07
"durka durka dead"
Good Lifes
10-06-2006, 04:05
Last time I feed beans to that "spiritual advisor.
CthulhuFhtagn
10-06-2006, 04:27
"Daisy...
Daisy...
Dai...sy"
Galloism
10-06-2006, 04:38
At least I saved a bundle on car insurance by switching to Geico.

Jay Leno just stole your joke.
La Habana Cuba
10-06-2006, 05:07
Allah is great, LOL.
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 05:08
"I just paid off the loan for the safe house"
Demon 666
10-06-2006, 05:18
"I didn't know Allah liked to wear red."
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 05:19
"I got owned"
Soviet Haaregrad
10-06-2006, 05:38
Shit, 15 seconds until I respawn!
CthulhuFhtagn
10-06-2006, 05:42
"There is... another... Sky...walkerrrrrrrhhhh"
DesignatedMarksman
10-06-2006, 05:47
Dirka dirka dirka dirka Jihad!

Seriously, there are some good ones in here!
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 05:47
"I am the man"
Dosuun
10-06-2006, 05:57
"There is another Skywalker--gaahh"

"Failed I have"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 05:58
"Only if they took the time to know me, they wouldn't have dropped the bombs on my house"
Soviet Haaregrad
10-06-2006, 06:53
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
New Zero Seven
10-06-2006, 06:55
"Danny... would you like some sausage?!"
Gauthier
10-06-2006, 07:16
"Damn. Somebody actually bought that 'I'm a terrorist mastermind' bullshit."
Kyronea
10-06-2006, 07:53
"Zarqawi? Zarqawi?! ZARQAWI?! *game over music*"

"What? No afterlife? Not even Hell? Son of a FU--*death*"

"Damn it...why didn't I have Osama cast Life III when I had the chance...?"
Not bad
10-06-2006, 08:05
I went towards the light, it was the second bomb
DesignatedMarksman
10-06-2006, 08:21
"I don't think that was Santa Claus that just came down the chimney."

Damn my ears are really ringing......

DIRKA DIRKA MOHHAMUD JIHAD!! SHERPA SHERPA BAKALOG!!!!

"Did you hear someth..."

He mumbled something about needing a couple dozen Viagra.

"Can I have some ice water, please?"


The safe house he was in has offically been renamed to the " The not so safe house"

"find my AK, I bet it still works you infidels!"

"Listen, guys, this insurgency thing just isn't going anywhere. I'm going to call it all off. Maybe move in with my uncle in Cairo. He has a cab and tells me the money's not bad."

Why do my virgins have horns?

"It's Bush's fault!"

"The God of peace has a nasty backhand!"

ZARQAPW3NED!!11!!!

That bitch ratted me out. I knew I shouldn't have cheated on her with that goat.

Allah Akb................

"Prophet H. Mohammed, I really screwed the goat this time........."


"I have been found guilty by the court of General Dynamics"

Mohammed, you like much taller today and with that beard you look suspiciously like Chuck Nor...

I give my life to jihad and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.


"They Couldn't Hit an Elephant at this Distance"

kaboooooooom!


he said [Bristish accent] I'm not dead yet....ahhh yes I ammmmmmm[British accent]


Bush tried, Zarkawi died".

Abdullah I have a text message...what does "P-W-N-E-D" mean?




The best one, EVER!



what the fawk was tha......BOOM!
[NS]Zukariaa
10-06-2006, 08:45
"I'm dead. But I have some good news! I just saved a load on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"
Yootopia
10-06-2006, 08:55
"Haha I'll let the suckers think they've won, but the population of Iraq still hates you, the Coalition!"

No?
Cameroi
10-06-2006, 09:24
"my turn"

=^^=
.../\...
The Lone Alliance
10-06-2006, 09:45
"You shot the Deputy but you missed The Sherriff..."

"I want to look pretty for the Pictures."

"I've been a failure, and I was taken care of..."

"Vote... Republican..."

"You can take our lives, But you can never take our hatred!"

"FUCKIN HAXORS!"

"500 pound bombs, Ha, it felt like 50."

"I should have listened to my Horoscope..."

"Outbreak, Outbreak."

o/ "I left my heart... In the next building over... I left my spleen... into the trees, I left my heart... In the next building ovvveerrr! No, No one, gives a damn.... About mmeeeeeee..." o/
Cotland
10-06-2006, 11:07
Abdullah I have a text message...what does "P-W-N-E-D" mean?
Best comment EVER!!!
Monkeypimp
10-06-2006, 11:15
"I knew the money for being a Zarqawi impersonator was too good to be true...."
The Gay Street Militia
10-06-2006, 11:23
"Do you guys hear that?"
Crushtania
10-06-2006, 11:33
Get your hands off me infidels, don't you know who I am? I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
Kibolonia
10-06-2006, 12:02
Fukk USasian C4mp3rz U n Ur w4ll H4x R teh G4y!!1!eleventy!11!!! Bush's a n00b shit g2g.

Blue Elf is about to die!
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 12:36
"All my base are belonged to you."
Deep Kimchi
10-06-2006, 13:46
"No! Not up the ass!"
Orthodox Gnosticism
10-06-2006, 14:09
"Please tell me that you did not oil that missle in pig fat."
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 15:14
"I was just going to eat some falafles"
Cluichstan
10-06-2006, 15:54
"I'd rather be playing Scrabble."
Eutrusca
10-06-2006, 16:07
"At least they could have waited until that cute little outfit I ordered from Victoria's Secret came in!" :D
Sel Appa
10-06-2006, 16:10
Hax!
Uslessiman
10-06-2006, 16:14
i cant wait to watch Iran play in the World Cup im so excited *hears noise* what the...................................................
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 16:14
"That was a big explosion"

"Martyrdom sucks"
The Ayamar
10-06-2006, 16:16
"Fnord"
Large and Evil Weapons
10-06-2006, 16:41
Tis only a Flesh wound
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 16:44
"I see rubble"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 16:46
"Where are my goats?"
Deep Kimchi
10-06-2006, 16:47
"Oh, my ass hurts so bad. Hey guys, next time, lube up first."
Bogmihia
10-06-2006, 16:48
http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/6682/tmp22861ap.jpg
Large and Evil Weapons
10-06-2006, 16:48
Tis only a Flesh Wound.....
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 16:48
"I need an advil...make it two"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 16:51
"I...I saw manbearpig, I'm super serial"
Look behind you
10-06-2006, 16:57
tell my camel i loved her.
Xaeonia
10-06-2006, 16:57
As American troops are coming towards him he says:

"I say! Some careless oaf seems to have dropped a bomb on my hideout. Do any of you chaps have a plaster?"
Kulikovo
10-06-2006, 17:01
"I should've gone to college instead"
Caliscabetta
10-06-2006, 17:10
"Ya know what? You guys are right. I HAVE been a real prick the last couple of years. Let me go make you a cup of tea over by that pile of rubble there."
Demented Hamsters
10-06-2006, 17:56
"Can't you Americans take a joke?"

"Well, this really sucks"
JuNii
10-06-2006, 18:01
mumbles to American Soldiers:
Man... how did you get the canvas on this stretcher so nice and soft?
Not bad
10-06-2006, 18:02
OOO Loook Omar. Those are F16s!
Look behind you
10-06-2006, 18:02
'Ni'
or
'it's only a scratch'
(yeah i stole them of monty python)
JuNii
10-06-2006, 18:05
Thinks to himself.
The Americans will never catch me. see my people are here to take me away to wreak more havok on the Amerikan Invaders.

Opens his eyes and sees that he's being lifted by American soldiers
"Oh Shit!"
New Lofeta
10-06-2006, 18:18
He radios to Osama:

"I like you Ossy"

He replies

"I like you too"

Then he says

"No, I mean i REALLY like you..."

*dies*
Great Scotia
10-06-2006, 19:36
If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.


heh. May yet prove to be true.
Soviestan
10-06-2006, 19:41
"Fuck, I had just redecorated the place just the way I like, Light and breezy, thanks alot guys."
Turquoise Days
10-06-2006, 20:17
They came from... behind...
Anti-Social Darwinism
10-06-2006, 20:28
What do you mean... I'm the 72nd virgin?
Yeshuallia
10-06-2006, 20:32
"What do you mean it's actually one 72 year old virgin?"
Darknovae
10-06-2006, 20:45
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THE AMERICANS! THEY HIT US!! OH EM GEE!"

"Osama made me a martyr... Being a martyr sucks... That son of a-*BOOM* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"

"Oops, I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in this game, oh baby baby, oops you think I'm in love, got sent from above, I'm not that innocent!"

"Shalom, cruel world!" :D

"Oh M3 G3WD D0z3 H4X0RZ PWN3D U5!!!!111!!!eleventy!!!!one!!!!11! D0z3 n00bz!!!1!111!!!"
Super-power
10-06-2006, 20:47
"All my base are belong to US"
or
"f***ing lag!"
United O-Zone
10-06-2006, 20:50
Wait...my penis itches.
United O-Zone
10-06-2006, 20:51
"Severus....please...."
Layarteb
10-06-2006, 21:21
Olay Olay Olay Olay Olayyyyyyyyyy Olayyyyyyyyyy!!!