NationStates Jolt Archive

I just received a letter from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs about that stolen personal information. It had all sorts of useless and common sense tips to prevent identity theft.

So I decided to recruit your help in devising some more effective Identity confirmation.

If you see someone who is claiming to be me, here is a simple test you can do to be certain that I am the one and only Lunatic Goofball:

Give the person in question a jockstrap. See what he does with it. Most normal people will either refuse to take it, or will take it questioningly and ask: 'What the hell is this?' or some similar question. Beware! This is an obvious fake Goofball.
It is possible that the person in question might thank you and put the jockstrap on over his clothes. WARNING! This is a fake. While putting underwear as outerwear is certainly silly, it is not near the level of Goofballian silliness.
The person might place the jockstrap on his head. TAKE NOTICE! THe real Goofball may do this for a short time, or if nobody else is around. But if the person leaves it there for an extended period of time, or in the company of several other people, this is probably a fake.
The Real Lunatic Goofball, while may be likely to place said jockstrap on his head, can be identified correctly by his tendency to want to involve others in his lunacy. He will most likely shoot the jockstrap off his finger like a slingshot at an innocent bystander. This is a dead giveaway that you have identified the one and only Lunatic Goofball. :)

So, any other tests you can think of to be certain it's really me?

How about tests to identify yourself?

Find some water and sand:p

Would you rather marry a beached whale or Rosanne Bar?

Would you rather marry a beached whale or Rosanne Bar?

Is the whale still breathing?

Is the whale still breathing?
No.

LG I love you man. In fact in another thread I have picked you to join me as a spray cheese ninja vigilante should you choose to serve.

Would you rather marry a beached whale or Rosanne Bar?
Trick question.

Well I'm glad LG is still around to provide the requisite jock strap involved threads

No.

Hmm... Tough choice, but I have to go with Roseanne. Slightly better smell. :)

LG I love you man. In fact in another thread I have picked you to join me as a spray cheese ninja vigilante should you choose to serve.

I missed that thread, but trust me: I already am. :cool:

Hmm... Tough choice, but I have to go with Roseanne. Slightly better smell. :)
You're not LG! LG would have done something constructive with the whale body.

Are you a veteran then?

Hmm... Tough choice, but I have to go with Roseanne. Slightly better smell. :)

Only slightly, though. ;)

Well I'm glad LG is still around to provide the requisite jock strap involved threads
It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it. :)

Are you a veteran then?

No. The Department of Veteran's affairs just keeps me on the mailing list because I sometimes buy Avon products from them. :p

;)

Yes, I'm a veteran.

You're not LG! LG would have done something constructive with the whale body.

I wonder if he was involved with the exploding whale in oregon?

You're not LG! LG would have done something constructive with the whale body.

Perhaps, but I certainly wouldn't marry it. But just imagine what I could do with 30 tons of whale slurry. :)

I wonder if he was involved with the exploding whale in oregon?

Nobody can prove anything!

I wonder if he was involved with the exploding whale in oregon?

He um...filled it up too much.

I missed that thread, but trust me: I already am. :cool:

Page 11 of the NS paired up thread

http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/owen/scatter.gif

Page 11 of the NS paired up thread
Found it. :)

I just received a letter from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs about that stolen personal information. It had all sorts of useless and common sense tips to prevent identity theft.

So I decided to recruit your help in devising some more effective Identity confirmation.

If you see someone who is claiming to be me, here is a simple test you can do to be certain that I am the one and only Lunatic Goofball:

Give the person in question a jockstrap. See what he does with it. Most normal people will either refuse to take it, or will take it questioningly and ask: 'What the hell is this?' or some similar question. Beware! This is an obvious fake Goofball.
It is possible that the person in question might thank you and put the jockstrap on over his clothes. WARNING! This is a fake. While putting underwear as outerwear is certainly silly, it is not near the level of Goofballian silliness.
The person might place the jockstrap on his head. TAKE NOTICE! THe real Goofball may do this for a short time, or if nobody else is around. But if the person leaves it there for an extended period of time, or in the company of several other people, this is probably a fake.
The Real Lunatic Goofball, while may be likely to place said jockstrap on his head, can be identified correctly by his tendency to want to involve others in his lunacy. He will most likely shoot the jockstrap off his finger like a slingshot at an innocent bystander. This is a dead giveaway that you have identified the one and only Lunatic Goofball. :)

So, any other tests you can think of to be certain it's really me?

How about tests to identify yourself?


Ooooooh! I know of a test to see if it's really you! I'll throw a baseball at you, and if it hits you in the crotch, you MUST be LG.

Ooooooh! I know of a test to see if it's really you! I'll throw a baseball at you, and if it hits you in the crotch, you MUST be LG.

:eek:

True.

:(

http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/owen/scatter.gif

Agreed, good debate.

:eek:

True.

:(
No. If the baseball is more damaged than the pther balls in question then it is definately LG. He doesn't have testicles, he has sperm producing balls of titanium.

No. If the baseball is more damaged than the pther balls in question then it is definately LG. He doesn't have testicles, he has sperm producing balls of titanium.

:eek:

True.

:)

He um...filled it up too much.

The infamous exploding whale of Oregon:

http://www.yagersoft.com/idiot/whale.wmv

To identify me: twitchy. Very few can match my level of twitchiness. Hooray, tic disorder!

Kick said person in the balls, followed by mud pie to face.

.. sounds kinky

The infamous exploding whale of Oregon:

http://www.yagersoft.com/idiot/whale.wmv
:eek:

Whale went boom!

I know one.
I can ask the possible Lunatic "Flesh Skep" Goofballs a question about New Hampshire, and if they didn't know what i was talking about, i'd say they didn't love trees enough to really be the REAL LG.
That would probably do it.
As for me - a person could easily ask what the function of Herald, the lepilemur dontidae masculosus is in the grand scheme of things.
However that answer goes would pretty much cinch it.

I think i have some others about LG, but i'm distractOed.

Well now that you've told us, anyone who reads this can pretend to be you...

Well now that you've told us, anyone who reads this can pretend to be you...
Except there's NO WAY TO REPLICATE that peculiar parfum de coeur ...
good luck with that all that. You couldn't mangle that aroma from the all the slurry gutters, arizona-highway-baked roadkill, yeast-infection-complications, aggrevated smegma and between-toe infections you can manage.
One of those "god shines on ..." kinda things.
http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/ruinkai/cistinebiggrinA.gif

Yay! :D

Dig a large hole, and fill it with dirt and water.
Hide and secretly watch as a potential LG wanders past.

1. If pot-LG keeps walking, then obviously a doofus, not a LG;

2. If pot-LG stops to stare and wonder why there's a mudhole there, before proceeding with his/her preambulations, then again it's a doofus;

3. If pot-LG looks longingly at the mudpool, leaves and comes back in old clothing and jumps in happily splashing about, BEWARE! It's not a LG, rather a doofus LG-wannabe;

4. If pot-LG upon seeing the mudpool breaks into a sprint that would do Carl Lewis proud and does a bomb smack in the middle of the mudpool and wallows about happily, we have a definite potential LG in our midst. Further tests would be needed before making a definite conclusion though.


The real LG of course would, upon sighting the mudpool, hurry home, change into a tux, call up several friends for an impromtu bbq/beer drinking/mud wrestling match, then do as #4 above.

To figure out where I am going or what I am about, find the herd, or focus in on what is the most popular and bovine viewpoint then turn 180 degrees and run like hell in that direction.

I'll be waiting there for you.

To figure out where I am going or what I am about, find the herd, or focus in on what is the most popular and bovine viewpoint then turn 180 degrees and run like hell in that direction.

I'll be waiting there for you.
Hey! Get away from my juniper bush!

Hey! Get away from my juniper bush!

You are just absolutely full of Pythonisms.

"Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

And fortunately, so am I.

You are just absolutely full of Pythonisms.

"Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"

And fortunately, so am I.
Good bloody thing, too!
:)
Brian: 'Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, you don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for yourselves! You're ALL individuals!'
The Crowd: 'Yes! We're all individuals!'
Brian: 'You're all different!'
The Crowd: 'Yes, we ARE all different!'
Man in crowd: 'I'm not...'
The Crowd: 'Shhhh!'



..erm ...

If the real Lunatic Goofballs got his testicles caught in a bear-trap, he would be like: "Wow check it out guys it's a pendulum clock!"

Good bloody thing, too!
:)
Brian: 'Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, you don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for yourselves! You're ALL individuals!'
The Crowd: 'Yes! We're all individuals!'
Brian: 'You're all different!'
The Crowd: 'Yes, we ARE all different!'
Man in crowd: 'I'm not...'
The Crowd: 'Shhhh!'



..erm ...
:D

If the real Lunatic Goofballs got his testicles caught in a bear-trap, he would be like: "Wow check it out guys it's a pendulum clock!"
Hahahahaha!
*FLORT*
http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/irre.gif

Sigworthy.


EDIT: You KNOW this SCREAMS out for a field test. I've got my neighborhood canvassing mapped out. *nods*

So, any other tests you can think of to be certain it's really me?



How do we know you are not an imposter trying to trick us into thinking that what the real Goofballs would do is actually what the fake Goofballs would do so we think the real Goofballs is actually a fake?

Dig a large hole, and fill it with dirt and water.
Hide and secretly watch as a potential LG wanders past.

1. If pot-LG keeps walking, then obviously a doofus, not a LG;

2. If pot-LG stops to stare and wonder why there's a mudhole there, before proceeding with his/her preambulations, then again it's a doofus;

3. If pot-LG looks longingly at the mudpool, leaves and comes back in old clothing and jumps in happily splashing about, BEWARE! It's not a LG, rather a doofus LG-wannabe;

4. If pot-LG upon seeing the mudpool breaks into a sprint that would do Carl Lewis proud and does a bomb smack in the middle of the mudpool and wallows about happily, we have a definite potential LG in our midst. Further tests would be needed before making a definite conclusion though.


The real LG of course would, upon sighting the mudpool, hurry home, change into a tux, call up several friends for an impromtu bbq/beer drinking/mud wrestling match, then do as #4 above.


But would he sing the hippopotamus song?

Would you rather marry a beached whale or Rosanne Bar?

What's the difference? aaa-BURN!

well at least roseanne may blow you... a dead whale might blow up while making love to it so i reckon ms barr is slightly better...
:headbang:

Dig a large hole, and fill it with dirt and water.
Hide and secretly watch as a potential LG wanders past.

1. If pot-LG keeps walking, then obviously a doofus, not a LG;

2. If pot-LG stops to stare and wonder why there's a mudhole there, before proceeding with his/her preambulations, then again it's a doofus;

3. If pot-LG looks longingly at the mudpool, leaves and comes back in old clothing and jumps in happily splashing about, BEWARE! It's not a LG, rather a doofus LG-wannabe;

4. If pot-LG upon seeing the mudpool breaks into a sprint that would do Carl Lewis proud and does a bomb smack in the middle of the mudpool and wallows about happily, we have a definite potential LG in our midst. Further tests would be needed before making a definite conclusion though.


The real LG of course would, upon sighting the mudpool, hurry home, change into a tux, call up several friends for an impromtu bbq/beer drinking/mud wrestling match, then do as #4 above.

These things are always best with company. :)

Hahahahaha!
*FLORT*
http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/irre.gif

Sigworthy.


EDIT: You KNOW this SCREAMS out for a field test. I've got my neighborhood canvassing mapped out. *nods*

*steals smilie*

How do we know you are not an imposter trying to trick us into thinking that what the real Goofballs would do is actually what the fake Goofballs would do so we think the real Goofballs is actually a fake?

If a fake Goofball acted like this, who would need the real one? :D

well at least roseanne may blow you... a dead whale might blow up while making love to it so i reckon ms barr is slightly better...
:headbang:

Whales have blow holes

Whales have blow holes

How pleasantly disgusting. :)

*steals smilie*
Take a smilie, leave a smilie ...

Don't you have one that has something to do with pushing a sick sheep to the hospital? ;)