NationStates Jolt Archive

Edit: I was going to post this on page 7 of the thread, but if I did, Nobody would have seen it. A few days ago she asked if I wanted to go to the swim club with her and her boyfriend. However, she said that "I should come or something." What does this mean?

Hello everyone, It's New Alchemy. You may have seen me post on this forum on various issues, and now I need some help.

Let me introduce myself first. I'm a 15 year old boy.

Ok that's all you need to know, moving on (note the names have been changed).

It all started back in the Middle of March. I had met this girl, we will call her Meghan. Meghan was a nice looking girl, she was short, dirty blonde hair, beautiful blue eyes, gothic and (not that I have a problem with this) bisexual. She was also crazy for nerds (which I got all excited about :) )Meghan and I started out by talking in chatrooms with our friend, whom we will call Jeff. Jeff's description is not important, so we will move on.

After about 2 weeks, we started talking personaly, and we, well, to say the least, shared some secrets for about 2 hours (they're secrets so I won't share them. THey're irrelivent anyway.) After we talked, she asked if I wanted to come to the movies the next day with her boyfriend, whom we will call Rick. Rick was a little bit bigger than me, long hair, wore black, ect. So the next day I show up at the movie theatere, but Rick doesn't because he has homework. WE see the movie Slither, just Meghan and I, and we have fun. We come up with a whole bunch of inside jokes, ect. We start to get a little less serious after that, up until about the end of the month.

We start talking a lot more, about more serious stuff. We share a lot more of our deepest darkest secrets, and flirt in school sometimes (once or twice infront of Rick :eek: ). We go to a party for our friend Josh, and we sleep over his house. We talk, flirt A LOT there, dispite Rick being there. Now, this happened on a Friday night. We also slept over our friend Matt's house. Now, the next day, we walk back over Josh's house. Matt decides he wants to go to gamestop and invites Meghan. Meghan goes and we don't see them for another hour.

Now let me describe the indescribable Matt. Matt is a weird skinny perverted kid. Really perverted, walks really fast, and overall weird. They're gone for an hour and a half and come back, and we find out that they went over Matt's house instead. Now, I will come back to that because I find out more later. So everything goes fine, we sleep over Matt's house again, nothing happens.

Now things start getting better after that. She asks me if I love her, and, after a long delay, I say "Rick would kill both of us." She said "Oh I see." and we continue talking. Now, about 2 weeks later, I was on myspace and I see a myspace bulliton that says "post the first letters of your wish in the headline and see what happens.(ie, if you wanted to wish yourself rich, you would put "I W I W R". So feeling happy, I put "I W I W G O W M" (I wish I was going out with Meghan) in the title. I go down to eat dinner and the first message I get is "I guessed your wish". I see that she has guessed it right! Panicing, I make her play a guessing game until I can think up of some BS to tell her(that I haddne't wished for thaT).

About a week later, we talk more, she tells me I'm like a "best friend" to her. This feels awesome. Then after that, she sort of seems to lose intrest. We stop talking as much in school, and it gets harder to talk to her on AIM.

Now my question is, what should I do, or better yet, what is she doing? Has she lost intrest or playing "hard to get"? Help please!

Edit: I forgot to mention. On Saturday, I am going to the class trip with her to Dorney Park, and it's just going to be us, we don't know if anyone else is going or not.

Oh, this thread is so not going to end well...

*snicker*

Ask her. Simple as that.
None of us can tell you why she's acting how she is, on what's going on in her head. Only she can. And if she matters this much to you, and you were so close, you should be able to ask.

There are several ways to look at this. She may be playing hard to get (something I hate that some girls do). Or, she may have realized that ypu two were getting too close. Is Rick a dumbass or something? Is he in your mind or in reality not right for her?

Ah but the problem is that she is(or acts) obsessed with her current boyfirend, hence why I am confused. I prob sohuld have included that.

Find her, bare down and cut a really hard fart. Chicks dig that. If you fart so hard it pops a button open on yoru pants she'll immediately think about sex.

"You're one of my best friends" is code-word for "I'm not interested in you sexually. At all." Simply put, if she were still interested in you, she wouldn't be hard to find.

Unless things with Rick end, the 2nd poster is probably right. And beating him up, even if you could, wouldn't solve a thing. Didn't you feel a bad about hitting on girl who is in a relationship?

Ah but the problem is that she is(or acts) obsessed with her current boyfirend, hence why I am confused. I prob sohuld have included that.

What do you think about Rick?

Edit: You may end up just being friends. I'm getting the impression you want to go out with her, no?

:rolleyes:

I actually have personal experience with this. I was in a relationship with some guy, and i made friends with another guy. He used to flirt with me a lot and tell me how great i was and stuff, and he eventually told me he loved me. We talked virtually everyday and he was a really nice guy. I didn't flirt back, he knew about the other guy, but eventually i still started to feel guilty, so i eventually told him it wasn't a good idea for him to act the way he was around me. He felt really bad but he did stop. We stopped talking soon after that. It was more his choice than mine, he used to IM me everyday, then stopped, but i didn't do anything to convince him to remain friends because it didn't really bother me.

Anyway, i know that's not exactly the same, i didn't just stop talking to the guy with no explanation, but the sentiment could still be the same. It could be that she is feeling guilty for flirting with you and stuff when she has a boyfriend, it could be that she is starting to feel something for you and feels bad about that due to her boyfriend.

Of course, she could have just been using you and leading you on. Maybe she wanted to know other guys were still interested in her. Based on my own experience, i would put more stock in the first scenario, but that's only the experience of one person, that isn't exactly proof of anything.

As for what you should do, i really don't think you should do anything romantically as long as she is seeing the other guy, it isn't fair to anyone involved. If she is still with him, she can't give all of herself to you, even if she wants to. It's also a betrayal to him, and if he is a good guy, he doesn't deserve that. If he's not a good guy, she should break up with him for other reasons, it still doesn't make it okay to cheat on him.

Honesty is the best thing in this situation, and in most situations. What you need to do is talk to her about this, or at least try. If she isn't opening up to you anymore, that may be difficult. If she won't talk, write her an e-mail telling her what you're feeling so at least you've laid it all out on the table. Tell her you would like to know how she feels about everything, if she doesn't get back to you after a certain amount of time, i don't think there is a lot you can do.

Now things start getting better after that. She asks me if I love her, and, after a long delay, I say "Rick would kill both of us." She said "Oh I see." and we continue talking. Now, about 2 weeks later, I was on myspace and I see a myspace bulliton that says "post the first letters of your wish in the headline and see what happens.(ie, if you wanted to wish yourself rich, you would put "I W I W R". So feeling happy, I put "I W I W G O W M" (I wish I was going out with Meghan) in the title. I go down to eat dinner and the first message I get is "I guessed your wish". I see that she has guessed it right! Panicing, I make her play a guessing game until I can think up of some BS to tell her(that I haddne't wished for thaT).

To be fair, it hardly took the mental dexterity of Einstein to work out what "I W I W G O W M" meant.

Oh, this thread is so not going to end well...

*snicker*
Endorsed.

is she realy gothic, or is she Geemo (Emo pretending/acting gothic). it can be hard to tell the difference, but inmy experience, htere are very few true goths left in middle/high school. the difference may seem minor, but in situations like this, its vital to know whether you're dealing with a goth or a geemo

live fast die young ask her out and if she tells the BF run like hell

Find her, bare down and cut a really hard fart. Chicks dig that. If you fart so hard it pops a button open on yoru pants she'll immediately think about sex.

And she'll automatically jump your bones if you think you're farting but accidentally shit yourself.

You said Meghan is a bisexual, right? Well, that's weird. Hell, she may dump Rick for some girl.

They're gone for an hour and a half and come back, and we find out that they went over Matt's house instead. Now, I will come back to that because I find out more later.

Do come back to it ?

Now my question is, what should I do, or better yet, what is she doing? Has she lost intrest or playing "hard to get"? Help please!

Basicly she is being a teenaged pretty girl that enjoys attention. No doubt wrapped up in more poetic and deeper sentiments, but deep underneath this still holds.

Glitziness's advice is too simplified. But before I give my own, let me say I myself am not a relationship machine, and all my advice comes from my own experience, so feel free to crap all over my words.

It's broken down to simple indecision, and pride. First, Your story was hard for me to follow, but no matter. Getting called a 'best friend' is not good, in most situations. You have been 'friended', where the girl finds you more as a friend, and she feels no romantic or sexual feelings for you, or very little, and not enough to spark an actual relationship. From what I see, one of the things you've done that might be influential was when you said 'Rick would kill us both'. I'm not sure what she's like, but I'll do what I always do - assume.

Under my assumption, she assumes that you aren't willing to do what is needed for...in words, her love. That you are capable of doing what is neccessary would make her feel special, and thus elevated above most - she wants to feel like she's different from everybody else, that you picked her for some reason, and that it was an entirely good reason. Howevever, when you said 'Rick would kill us both' would mean that even though it was a simple question, you were afraid and thus in her mind (possibly) you didn't have the 'gumption' to do or say what she wanted you to do or say, and possibly you might be an unwise choice for her.

OR she could be uninterested. I'm not sure.

"You're one of my best friends" is code-word for "I'm not interested in you sexually. At all."

She shouldn't be. He's only 15.

/thread

Endorsed.

And assisted. ;)

And she'll automatically jump your bones if you think you're farting but accidentally shit yourself.
Yeah, but that's hard to plan. You gotta kind of just hope that happens - usually it doesn't, though.

Yeah, but that's hard to plan. You gotta kind of just hope that happens - usually it doesn't, though.

Speak for yourself. :p

She shouldn't be. He's only 15.

/thread

I'll simply reply by quoting the Bard:

"Younger women than she are happy mothers made."

Sexual interest does not necessarily mean sexual intercourse, but let's not kid ourselves about exactly how platonic both parties wanted this relationship to be.

So you do your best to ensure nothing happens, then when nothing starts happening, you get worried?

I absolutely hate to be a pessimist, but assuming she's in your age group, and she "obsessed" with her current boyfriend, this situation probably isn't worth your time.

Of course, I only say that because I've become a logic-ruled, cold-hearted monster.

Edit: and if she's calling you "best friend"... weep.

So... Is Matt single or what? :confused: Don't leave us guessing!

"You're one of my best friends" is code-word for "I'm not interested in you sexually. At all."
Quoted for truth.

And since I have nothing else to contribute to this thread, I will head off to mastur... roleplay wars. Yeah, that's it, roleplay wars. Um, bye, anyway.

God damn it, man, run! Run away, and have no dealings with women of any kind. You'll eventually lose all interest in them.

Of course, I only say that because I've become a logic-ruled, cold-hearted monster.
Come on, that isn't so bad either. I'm one and I'm enjoying every minute of it, in the most logical, cold-hearted way possible of course. :p

God damn it, man, run! Run away, and have no dealings with women of any kind. You'll eventually lose all interest in them.
Exactly. One of the advantages of homosexuality is that men are easier to figure out. That's also a disadvantage, depending on your mindset.

Probably the best thing to do is continue being her friend. I don't advise trying to date her (that's just my opinion, you do whatever). Trust me, there's plenty of other girls out there for you. Besides, you have plenty of time to find a girl to go out with.

Exactly. One of the advantages of homosexuality is that men are easier to figure out. That's also a disadvantage, depending on your mindset.

That's why I am trying to figure out whether to date men. At least I can actually talk to them.

Well, after reading the thread, I think I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to keep doing what I am doing (talk to her a lot, have confidence, complement her indirectly) and wait until something happens beteween Rick and her. You don't know them like I do... I think that their relationship will detorate over time... I just know it, that's not denial. But until then, yea, maybe I will try to become "un-friended".

Edit: Not unfriended like she doesn't like me, unfriended as of in she thinks of me more than as a friend.

"Younger women than she are happy mothers made."

That's from Paris from Romeo and Juliet.

That's why I am trying to figure out whether to date men. At least I can actually talk to them.
Or you could just not date anybody, like me, and while your lonely days away posting on NS.

Just don't try to hasten their relationship's decline. That's the worst thing you could do.

Just don't try to hasten their relationship's decline. That's the worst thing you could do.

Ah well said and completly agreed with. It is, which is why I would never do it. Plus, I don't want her to be unhappy.

Or you could just not date anybody, like me, and while your lonely days away posting on NS.

Quoted for troof! :D

Or you could just not date anybody, like me, and while your lonely days away posting on NS.

I don't even see the big thing in dating. Wow, go to a movie, eat some food, and if you did everything right, maybe you'll be lucky and get some ass. :rolleyes:

When in doubt go for it, but invest in a large blunt weapon in case of jealous boyfriend.

I'll simply reply by quoting the Bard:

"Younger women than she are happy mothers made."

Sexual interest does not necessarily mean sexual intercourse, but let's not kid ourselves about exactly how platonic both parties wanted this relationship to be.

"And too soon marr'd are those so early made."


To me, she sounds like she, well...gets around.

Ah well said and completly agreed with. It is, which is why I would never do it. Plus, I don't want her to be unhappy.

That's the smart thing to do. Don't worry, if they break up then you can try and become more of a friend to Meghan. If not, then there are plenty of other girls out there.

Or you could just not date anybody, like me, and while your lonely days away posting on NS.
Don't worry Czardy, we wub you :fluffle:

I don't even see the big thing in dating. Wow, go to a movie, eat some food, and if you did everything right, maybe you'll be lucky and get some ass. :rolleyes:

Maybe get some ass? I'll save you the trouble...




































http://www.photohome.com/pictures/mixed/donkey-1.jpg

Don't worry Czardy, we wub you :fluffle:

Yuck. Affection... :p

"And too soon marr'd are those so early made."


To me, she sounds like she, well...gets around.
Ah, that's the next line. Couldn't remember it.

Maybe get some ass? I'll save you the trouble...

*Image taken out to be considerate to other people


Hahaha! :D

"You're one of my best friends" is code-word for "I'm not interested in you sexually. At all." Simply put, if she were still interested in you, she wouldn't be hard to find.


No, no, no, no! "You're one of my best friends," is NOT code for her not being interested in him sexually. It's code for her not being interested sexually in him ANY MORE. Basically, she's letting New Alchemy know that he had a chance, but that he should have been more like that fast-walking perverted kid and hit while the iron is hot.

Expecting monogamy in one's teen years (forget Rick,) is like expecting water to run uphill.

I miss my teen years.

Yuck. Affection... :p
Well we wub you too :fluffle:

No, no, no, no! "You're one of my best friends," is NOT code for her not being interested in him sexually. It's code for her not being interested sexually in him ANY MORE. Basically, she's letting New Alchemy know that he had a chance, but that he should have been more like that fast-walking perverted kid and hit while the iron is hot.

Expecting monogamy in one's teen years (forget Rick,) is like expecting water to run uphill.

I miss my teen years.


AHHh now how do I get her back??????

I don't even see the big thing in dating. Wow, go to a movie, eat some food, and if you did everything right, maybe you'll be lucky and get some ass. :rolleyes:
That's only for boring suckers who want to do it the traditional way. :p
Don't worry Czardy, we wub you -snip-
We wuvoo too iffy. *hugs back*

Well we wub you too :fluffle:

Aww... :)

No, no, no, no! "You're one of my best friends," is NOT code for her not being interested in him sexually. It's code for her not being interested sexually in him ANY MORE. Basically, she's letting New Alchemy know that he had a chance, but that he should have been more like that fast-walking perverted kid and hit while the iron is hot.

Expecting monogamy in one's teen years (forget Rick,) is like expecting water to run uphill.

I miss my teen years.
There was a thread not long ago about scientists making water flow uphill.

All this stuff about friendship = no sexual attraction/no possibilty of sexual attraction etc is bullshit. Friendships can develop to relationships, and you can see someone as a friend while also being attracted to them.

That's only for boring suckers who want to do it the traditional way. :p

We wuvoo too iffy. *hugs back*
:eek: You snipped my fluffle!!!!!!
*implodes*

Well we wub you too :fluffle:

This show of affection is getting out of hand.

AHHh now how do I get her back??????

Get another girl and make her jealous. Of course, this is rather harsh towards the girl you use - so decide for yourself if you have a conscience or not.

Alternatively arrange a threesome, but judging from your posts you do not have the necessary mindset to make that easy.

Who spells Megan with an H?

Ah, you don't know me. I'm not exactly the cream of the crop in my school, and I got really lucky with her that she was attracted to nerds.

Speak for yourself. :p
You can shit yourself on command!?! :eek:

You are my master! :eek:

Teach me, master, so that I can pass on your legacy! :)

There was a thread not long ago about scientists making water flow uphill.

Exactly. It was diffucult, required a lot of study and very specific conditions. Just like teenaged monogamy.

:eek: You snipped my fluffle!!!!!!
*implodes*
Nothing personal, we still love you and all, but fluffles are teh ebil!
All this stuff about friendship = no sexual attraction/no possibilty of sexual attraction etc is bullshit. Friendships can develop to relationships, and you can see someone as a friend while also being attracted to them.
Yes, but normally that kind of thing only occurs around age 27 or above. :P

Exactly. It was diffucult, required a lot of study and very specific conditions. Just like teenaged monogamy.
/waits for Dinaverg to mention some bullshit about Bose-Einstein condensate/

Or, is this the wrong thread?

Glitziness's advice is too simplified.
How so?
If he wants to know what she's doing/why she's acting this way, his best shot is to ask. He can think of all number of possibilites, and we can offer all number of possibilites but noone knows what's going on except her. It might not work out, and it includes a risk element, but for any hope of any answers, it is the best route to take. Nothing else will give him any answers.
If he wants a relationship, communication and honesty would be a good starting point.

Who spells Megan with an H?

I'm guessing that her name is actually spelt Megan on her birth certificate but she's one of these young trendies that decide to change it because it makes them feel unique.

But seriously I think Josh is the unsung hero of the story. He's the character that I wanted to hear more about, all this stuff about Rick, Meghan and New Alchemy just got in the way of what could have been a fascinating tale.

Yes, but normally that kind of thing only occurs around age 27 or above. :P
Well, I'm an exception (and I know others who are too) so maybe this can be an exception.
If not, the relationship isn't going to last or be worth much anyway...

Well, I'm an exception (and I know others who are too) so maybe this can be an exception.
If not, the relationship isn't going to last or be worth much anyway...

I'll most likely never look for anyone. Not at 17, 20, 35, or 45.

Stick it and kick it, that's all i got to say.

Well, I'm an exception (and I know others who are too) so maybe this can be an exception.
If not, the relationship isn't going to last or be worth much anyway...
High school age relationships usually don't last very long anyway, so what's the big deal? Most people don't reach long-term relationships until over 20.

(And before you say anything involving your white-text epidemics, I consider you approximately 20 years old in the first place, at least emotionally. Which I guess is a good thing... some 50+-year-olds never managed to grow to that level. /looks at a certain person who shall remain nameless/)

All this stuff about friendship = no sexual attraction/no possibilty of sexual attraction etc is bullshit. Friendships can develop to relationships, and you can see someone as a friend while also being attracted to them.
I agreee. I further add that you shouldn't believe anyone who says 'all women think/say/do/mean/appropriate verb when they think/say/etc [whatever]' since there are only a handful of things that all women have in common.

How so?
If he wants to know what she's doing/why she's acting this way, his best shot is to ask. He can think of all number of possibilites, and we can offer all number of possibilites but noone knows what's going on except her. It might not work out, and it includes a risk element, but for any hope of any answers, it is the best route to take. Nothing else will give him any answers.
If he wants a relationship, communication and honesty would be a good starting point.

By generalisation most guys of his calibre find it hard to talk to the girl and expect an honest answer. It's most likely he'll assume she's merely being sympathetic to his claims, if he is given an amiable reply.

Just kick her boyfriend's ass, throw 'er up on the bed, and bang her brains out.

All this stuff about friendship = no sexual attraction/no possibilty of sexual attraction etc is bullshit. Friendships can develop to relationships, and you can see someone as a friend while also being attracted to them.

It's the open and clear declaration that he is one of her best friends that's the issue though. Friendship usually doesn't have to be pointed out so explicitly (except when one is drunk.) Friendship just is.


AHHh now how do I get her back??????

Tricky, but it can be done. The thing is, when you're always a source for reassurance and sympathy, that's what you'll be prized for. She'll look to others for things that can cause drama, because there's less "to risk" with those. Without being overtly mean, you HAVE to be more unpredictable and a mystery in your response to her. Excercise poorer impulse control (NO, I'm not suggesting being a jerkwad...just mix things up a bit.)

Yes, this advice is a bit vague. That's because my (or anyone's online,) knowledge of the exact state of affairs is vague.

Anyway, you have to be more exciting. More of a variable. Being constant fits one into a niche. Getting out of a niche is hard (not impossible.)

And if something physical DOES happen between the two of you, downplay it at first. Try, at all costs, to avoid making it an issue or see it as license to constantly be trying to get on her junk. Even though getting physical IS an important step, constantly returning ot the topic will likely end whatever flame is being lit. Keep it mellow. Keep it light. And the best time to return to "totally best friend," behavior is right after you've been physical. Almost as if getting physical has had no effect on the strength or the focus of your friendship. Constantly weasleing for more intimate contact is probably going to make her decide that straying outside the bounds of "just friends" was a mistake. So keep it cool. Let her make the next flirtaceous move. I am emphasizing this because it's important. Do NOT let it get weird, no matter how weird you feel.

/waits for Dinaverg to mention some bullshit about Bose-Einstein condensate/

Or, is this the wrong thread?

So I like saying Bose-Einstein condensate. It's fun to say.

:p (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Bose_Einstein_condensate.png)

I think you're going to regret posting this mate.

I'm guessing that her name is actually spelt Megan on her birth certificate but she's one of these young trendies that decide to change it because it makes them feel unique.

But seriously I think Josh is the unsung hero of the story. He's the character that I wanted to hear more about, all this stuff about Rick, Meghan and New Alchemy just got in the way of what could have been a fascinating tale.

Aye, here's to Josh.

Oh yeah, and I have seen Megan spelled with an H. My sister's name is Megan (I named her, come to think of it), and my dad wanted to have it spelt with an H but my mother said it looked retarded that way, so no go, lol.

Want my advice do ya? I say punch her in the face. Girls love that stuff, they sense strength. Yeah, that and fart on her, as has been mentioned. Not only will you get sex, you'll get...well you'll get sex, its good enough.

About a week later, we talk more, she tells me I'm like a "best friend" to her.
Sounds like you got "friended"...

How so?
If he wants to know what she's doing/why she's acting this way, his best shot is to ask. He can think of all number of possibilites, and we can offer all number of possibilites but noone knows what's going on except her. It might not work out, and it includes a risk element, but for any hope of any answers, it is the best route to take. Nothing else will give him any answers.
If he wants a relationship, communication and honesty would be a good starting point.

Because it's a touchy issue and an issue people (especially young people,) have difficulty being honest about. People are also able to construct and believe false justifications why they are acting as they are.

Even more important, people are contrary. Constantly asking for honesty makes someone want to avoid talking to you. Subtlety does not mean dishonesty, it means avoiding the obstacles people almost instinctively throw up between each other.

If being open and honest and forthright worked, people would do it, because people in genreral are lazy. But a lot of physical attraction lies in what excites you. That's why we see so much drama in relationships and why people tend to keep making the same mistakes in their relationships. The emotional stress leads to higher adrenalin levels which leads to hightened emotions which people then mistake for "passion".

So, if you want relationships to work and be fulfilling, one has to be both kindhearted AND unpredictably exciting (for most people, there are, of course, probably more exceptions than there are rules, people being people after all.)

Want my advice do ya? I say punch her in the face. Girls love that stuff, they sense strength. Yeah, that and fart on her, as has been mentioned. Not only will you get sex, you'll get...well you'll get sex, its good enough.
Better than sex, you'll get sex when you least expect it. in jail:eek:

Want my advice do ya?
No, I don't think he does...

And from the note in the first post, Meghan isn't her name, but one used, presumably to prevent any of the mentinoed parties stumbling across this and guessing.

Now things start getting better after that. She asks me if I love her, and, after a long delay, I say "Rick would kill both of us." She said "Oh I see." and we continue talking. Now, about 2 weeks later, I was on myspace and I see a myspace bulliton that says "post the first letters of your wish in the headline and see what happens.(ie, if you wanted to wish yourself rich, you would put "I W I W R". So feeling happy, I put "I W I W G O W M" (I wish I was going out with Meghan) in the title. I go down to eat dinner and the first message I get is "I guessed your wish". I see that she has guessed it right! Panicing, I make her play a guessing game until I can think up of some BS to tell her(that I haddne't wished for thaT).

About a week later, we talk more, she tells me I'm like a "best friend" to her. This feels awesome. Then after that, she sort of seems to lose intrest. We stop talking as much in school, and it gets harder to talk to her on AIM.


Well, you probaly entered the dreaded "friend zone" when you lied about the wish thing. Girls are pretty smart when it comes to guys, and she more than likely knew for certain what the wish thing stood for. By giving her the bullshit story, it showed you were hesitant to really tell the truth, and some girls will take that as fear; which is never a good thing. You seem like you were doing pretty good until you backed off with the wish thing.

I'd say you got a couple options. The first being that while on the trip, look for a right opportunity to tell her how you feel. A good timing would be if the topic is brought up. Let her bring it up, if she does, that'd mean she's still interested (if she was before). But if she brings it up, it'd be sort of a subtle hint. If you find an opportunity, be blunt and romantic at the same time without being cheezy. Cheezy ass romance lines usually only work in Hollywood. If you aren't to good with speaking freely with a girl, you may want to avoid the romantic lines and just be blunt, you might say something that would weird her out or make you come off desperate.

Another option would be to just back off. Depending on how long this period of you becoming an "eh" friend has gone on, she may have lost all interest entirely. If she really does like this Rick jack ass, then you have a better chance of getting into a fight than getting the girl. Another downside would be that if she still really likes this guy, and you kick his ass, there's a good chance she would come to hate you for it.

So, if you two get some "alone time" and she doesn't give you that chance to tell her how you feel or make a move, then just step away and find someone else. Might sound harsh, but that's usually the way it is.

By the way, I haven't read the whole thread, only the first page. If a decision was made already or I repeated some already said stuff..... Eh, who gives.

So, hope this helps out somewhat. Good luck, and keep it real. Girls almost always know when you're bullshitting.

And from the note in the first post, Meghan isn't her name, but one used, presumably to prevent any of the mentinoed parties stumbling across this and guessing.

I know, but even as a fake name. An H?

Well, I can tell that Buddom's talking from experience... :headbang:

I gotta agree with anyone who says to ask her. It's gonna be awkward and really scary, but you gotta do it. I know that when people I don't like in that way have told me that they like me, I've appreciated their honestly even if it doesn't make me like them back. I think she'd be grateful that she knows exactly where she stands with you. It's always a good thing to know.

Of course, there's the potential for it to backfire and for her to run a mile, but in the long run, if she does that then she is categorically not the right person for you and you just have to move on. It's hard to do that until you know how she feels and ultimately you can procrastinate and infer as many meanings from her actions as you like, but speaking as a 16-y.o. girl myself, it's going to be better for everyone if you're forthright and honest with her.

Hope everything goes okay!!

I know, but even as a fake name. An H?

ANd this helps the horny kid how?

I say this as quite possibly the youngest person on these forums to forsake any kind of relationship beyond "Friends," only 2 years older.

Just stop. Anything beyond friendship ends in pain. If you chase her, you'll push her away, get the crap beat out of you by her boyfriend (You are on the NS forums, I have to assume you are like really geeky asking for love advice here. Sorry if I'm wrong), or wind up liking someone else.


Just ignore love. Your better without it

How so?
If he wants to know what she's doing/why she's acting this way, his best shot is to ask. He can think of all number of possibilites, and we can offer all number of possibilites but noone knows what's going on except her. It might not work out, and it includes a risk element, but for any hope of any answers, it is the best route to take. Nothing else will give him any answers.
If he wants a relationship, communication and honesty would be a good starting point.
listen to this girl *nods*

(and i'm not just saying that cos of my vested interest :p)


It's the open and clear declaration that he is one of her best friends that's the issue though. Friendship usually doesn't have to be pointed out so explicitly (except when one is drunk.) Friendship just is.

maybe for you. not for everybody. besides, if this guy and his girl were close then reaffirming your friendship with each other in a relationship is not uncommon - i let glitzi know she's my best friend really quite regularly and so do a lot of other people.

it does sound like a bit of a odd mess, but as amy says, all you can do is speculate and go crazy about it... unless you ask her and find out. sure, its not easy, but its the best thing to do (you could even do it in an email if you feel uncomfortabe face-to-face - say how you feel, your interperetation of events, and just come clean and ask what's going on between you two now)

Well, I can tell that Buddom's talking from experience... :headbang:

I gotta agree with anyone who says to ask her. It's gonna be awkward and really scary, but you gotta do it. I know that when people I don't like in that way have told me that they like me, I've appreciated their honestly even if it doesn't make me like them back. I think she'd be grateful that she knows exactly where she stands with you. It's always a good thing to know.

Of course, there's the potential for it to backfire and for her to run a mile, but in the long run, if she does that then she is categorically not the right person for you and you just have to move on. It's hard to do that until you know how she feels and ultimately you can procrastinate and infer as many meanings from her actions as you like, but speaking as a 16-y.o. girl myself, it's going to be better for everyone if you're forthright and honest with her.

Hope everything goes okay!!

But he can't just blurt out the question. Non sequitur questions of importance are scary and weird. Setting questions of importance up is weird too. By weird, I mean it puts the person on the spot without time to get "warmed" up, and trying to warm the person up artificially just to ask the question is even worse. It smacks of fakery. Even being forthright and honest can be manipulative.

No, the time and the mood have to be right (but don't wait too long,) and they have to be right naturally (unless one is equipped witht he instincts of a lady killer.)

ANd this helps the horny kid how?

He needs someone else to think about, at the very least. Oh, and to find a way to eletrically shut off his inhibitions and have someone videotape the results, send it to America's Funniest Home Videos, win the money, then show off with it.

Just ignore love. Your better without it
Uh... bullshit. Love is the only thing keeping some of us hopeless romantics going. If it weren't for it, I'd probably have blown out my cerebellum long ago...

Also, from the description of the boyfriend (little bigger, long hair, black clothes), I'd say NA could kick his ass.
If you do get in a fight with "Rick", New Alchemy, just grab him by the hair, near the scalp, and start punching with your other hand about 6-8 inches lower. He'll go down in a few punches.

What, why? its golden:p
I rest my case. ;)

NA, I can kick the guy's ass for you if you want. And then you and me will make a mock fight, and I'll lose. Though you'll need to buy me a plane ticket to get there.

Jenrak, how big are you? (Just out of curiosity)

listen to this girl *nods*

(and i'm not just saying that cos of my vested interest :p)



maybe for you. not for everybody. besides, if this guy and his girl were close then reaffirming your friendship with each other in a relationship is not uncommon - i let glitzi know she's my best friend really quite regularly and so do a lot of other people.

From what I can divine from the subtext, you and glitzi have had time and comfort in your friend status enough to move beyond all the chess-move bullshiat. As I've made pains to point out, every situation is different. Still, from the context of the original question, it doesn't sound like these two have had a good amount of time to build that comfort level. This sounds like it's still a recent and unresolved development, and open declarations of "your my bestest friend," in such circumstances are, at the very least, suspect. It sounds like someone looking for a response.

Anyway New alchemy, try not to dwell. When one dwells overmuch, little things can get blown out of proportion. Just concentrate on being fun, being yourself and being somewhat unpredictable and try to act and feel as if things will work themselves out without you stressing over them too much. Be confident.

From what I can divine for the subtext, you and glitzi have had time and comfort in your friend status enough to move beyond all the chess-move bullshiat. As I've made pains to point out, every situation is different. Still, from the context of the original question, it doesn't sound like these two have had a good amount of time to build that comfort level. This sounds like it's still a recent and unresolved development, and open declarations of "your my bestest friend," in such circumstances are, at the very least, suspect.

thats quite true - and i didn't say it wasn't 'non-suspect' or to be expected or anything. all i was saying was a) its not unheard of (so its just "suspect" rather than weird ;)), and b) the only way to find out whats up, as something quite probably is (whether its "suspect" or just she's busy with other things at the moment), is to talk to her

Thanks for your help everyone. I think I know what I'm going to do. And yes, I ahve read every post, even the pointless ones about men loving each other.

I am going to do what some of you said and be more unpredictable, some random compliments here and there, be someone to consuel, ect. The relationship she has with "Rick" is not going to be permenent, but it is going to be a while before they break up. Maybe if I'm lucky August. So I'm going have to keep this role going until then.

I'm still goign to lok for more advice, I'm actually really sad now that there's a poor chance of her liking me again, but I am sure as hell going to try.

Oh yes, and I used the name "Meghan" for 2 reasons:

1: Her name is a real name, but it's spelled a little diferently than normal
2: I wanted her to stand out.

Thanks for your help everyone. I think I know what I'm going to do. And yes, I ahve read every post, even the pointless ones about men loving each other.

I am going to do what some of you said and be more unpredictable, some random compliments here and there, be someone to consuel, ect. The relationship she has with "Rick" is not going to be permenent, but it is going to be a while before they break up. Maybe if I'm lucky August. So I'm going have to keep this role going until then.

I'm still goign to lok for more advice, I'm actually really sad now that there's a poor chance of her liking me again, but I am sure as hell going to try.

To be honest I think she should hook up with Josh, he sounded like a cracking guy.

By generalisation most guys of his calibre find it hard to talk to the girl and expect an honest answer. It's most likely he'll assume she's merely being sympathetic to his claims, if he is given an amiable reply.
And people thinking like that should try to get out of this way of thinking.
You (used in the general term) need to be able to talk to someone you want a relationship with, and you need to stop making assumptions and communicate instead.

Because it's a touchy issue and an issue people (especially young people,) have difficulty being honest about. People are also able to construct and believe false justifications why they are acting as they are.
And, as I said above, people need to get out of this. I'm not denying what you say, but it's an attitude that can (and should be) improved, not accepted.

Even more important, people are contrary. Constantly asking for honesty makes someone want to avoid talking to you. Subtlety does not mean dishonesty, it means avoiding the obstacles people almost instinctively throw up between each other.

If being open and honest and forthright worked, people would do it, because people in genreral are lazy. But a lot of physical attraction lies in what excites you. That's why we see so much drama in relationships and why people tend to keep making the same mistakes in their relationships. The emotional stress leads to higher adrenalin levels which leads to hightened emotions which people then mistake for "passion".
I like honesty. It works for me. I still have an exciting relationship, with much physical attraction, and lots of actual passion. I see no contradiction in this.

If other people want to play guessing games, and have hidden meanings to what they say, and not talk openly about things that matter, and make assumptions and end up overanalysing things unnecessarily... fine. It's their choice and I probably shouldn't judge. I could never reccomend it though, and I'll always advise what I believe to be healthiest - simply communicating openly. If your relationship can't handle that, maybe you shouldn't be in the relationship.

Now things start getting better after that. She asks me if I love her, and, after a long delay, I say "Rick would kill both of us." She said "Oh I see." and we continue talking. Now, about 2 weeks later, I was on myspace and I see a myspace bulliton that says "post the first letters of your wish in the headline and see what happens.(ie, if you wanted to wish yourself rich, you would put "I W I W R". So feeling happy, I put "I W I W G O W M" (I wish I was going out with Meghan) in the title. I go down to eat dinner and the first message I get is "I guessed your wish". I see that she has guessed it right! Panicing, I make her play a guessing game until I can think up of some BS to tell her(that I haddne't wished for thaT).

Now my question is, what should I do, or better yet, what is she doing? Has she lost intrest or playing "hard to get"? Help please!

Edit: I forgot to mention. On Saturday, I am going to the class trip with her to Dorney Park, and it's just going to be us, we don't know if anyone else is going or not.
She already has a boyfriend. Put her out of your mind as a romantic interest and reject her advances.

I agreee. I further add that you shouldn't believe anyone who says 'all women think/say/do/mean/appropriate verb when they think/say/etc [whatever]' since there are only a handful of things that all women have in common.
:eek: Have a cookie (http://www.cookiesinheaven.com/images/cookies/chocolate_chip_cookie.jpg)! :fluffle: (gender stereotyping with regards to relationships really really annoys me...)

She already has a boyfriend. Put her out of your mind as a romantic interest and reject her advances.

She has a boyfriend, not a fiance or a husband.

I really feel for you. I was in a similar situation once ... and I'm a whole lot older than you now (twice as old in fact).

I fell for a woman who didn't fall for me. Unrequited love hurts. I summoned up all my courage and told her. Only to hear the four worst words in the world.

Let's just be friends.


Once you have been put into the category of 'friend' that's it. Romantically, as far as she is concerned, it is not going to happen.

My advice? Put her out of your mind. Don't see her. Don't speak to her. Don't buy her anything. You cannot win her affection through trying to be her best friend. And, it's both unethical (you're pretending to be something you're not - a friend - for ulterior motives) and creepy. Don't do it.

If you have strong feelings for someone then you can't be a 'friend.' You're something else. If you try and push it, human nature being what it is, I guarantee that this girl will realise what she has over you and that is power. And power corrupts. If you supplicate to her she will ultimately treat you with contempt. No matter how nice she is to begin with. So you need to take yourself out of the situation and let your emotions calm down.

And the other thing you need to do? You're gonna laugh. All the girls on NS will be out-fucking-raged. You want to know? Are your sure you want to know? It's very dangerous - can you handle it? And, it's really, really funny ...


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Go and fuck ten other girls! :D

I guarantee that after that you won't give a damn about this idiotic Meghan!

She has a boyfriend, not a fiance or a husband.
I still think it's a waste of time that will probably result in a brokem friendship.

I'm going to keep doing what I am doing (talk to her a lot, have confidence, complement her indirectly) and wait until something happens beteween Rick and her. You don't know them like I do... I think that their relationship will detorate over time... I just know it, that's not denial.
Only one in two hundred relationships that start at 15 are long term, I believe.

No, no, no, no! "You're one of my best friends," is NOT code for her not being interested in him sexually. It's code for her not being interested sexually in him ANY MORE.
How glad I am to be a post-teenage male. I don't have to speak in code.

Just kick her boyfriend's ass, throw 'er up on the bed, and bang her brains out.
Just like the Janjaweed!

I know you don't wanna hear the whole 'plenty other fish in the sea' crap. But whilst pining over her, and hopefully making an attempt to become more then friends, do keep your eyes open. Go to a large party, maybe one of those outdoors ones, and see if theres anyone else interested. Do the body signals thing and see who responds.

Come on, that isn't so bad either. I'm one and I'm enjoying every minute of it, in the most logical, cold-hearted way possible of course. :p

Oh, it's great, I agree. I see everything for what it is, shake my head, and go back to posting on a forum. Let fools waste their life on life. :p

She already has a boyfriend. Put her out of your mind as a romantic interest and reject her advances.

Screw that shit! if a girl has a boyfriend and makes advances then the relationship is dead anyway. theres often a bit of overlap as people tend to be either too sentimental to dump someone, or too pragmatic to get rid of their boyfriend/girlfriend without lining up a replacement first.

It sounds to me like the girl in this case is just acting like a typical woman and isnt interested. Usually when a girl is interested its just too obvious. you cant be 100% sure though either way. thats just the way women are.

You can shit yourself on command!?! :eek:

You are my master! :eek:

Teach me, master, so that I can pass on your legacy! :)

I will teach you, but you have much to learn, my young padawan. :p

She has a boyfriend, not a fiance or a husband.

True, I've never dated anyone I haven't stolen from someone else.