NationStates Jolt Archive

I have been attracted to a good friend of mine, whom I have known for ages, for a good while now; and, I know, now, that he feels the same; but, has pledged abstinence. So, basically, I'm fucked (forgive the pun :p). Any ideas on how I can convince him to do otherwise? I'm not too good with the whole religion thing -- I'm an atheist, and, he's a Catholic.

Thanks for the advice.



To keep it on topic, post your favourint Pat Robertson Quotes.

Mine:

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992

There's always the hitting him on the head and dragging him to your bed thing... ;)

Seriously, don't force it. While most pleges seem to disapeare once things start getting hot and steamy, if he's serious about it, he won't be happy if you force the issue. Mention to him that you WOULD like to bed him and then let matters take their own course.

Situation: Quiggles like Boy. A lot. Boy feels same. Boy is Catholic. Boy = Sex until after marriage. Quiggles = Bummed.

Conclusion: I'm not sure there is anyway you can slide around your friend's moral beliefs. My only advice is to start dating and take it from there. Then you'll find out how much he likes you. After that, only time will tell...

Sneak into his room at night and unzip his fly, proceed to apply mammary glands upon "Tab D". (if you didn't get that, just suck his dick)

Once he feels what he's missing out on, he won't ask you to stop.

dumb religious people:rolleyes:

There's always the hitting him on the head and dragging him to your bed thing... ;)

Seriously, don't force it. While most pleges seem to disapeare once things start getting hot and steamy, if he's serious about it, he won't be happy if you force the issue. Mention to him that you WOULD like to bed him and then let matters take their own course.

The rape approach was not that advice that I was looking for.

Sneak into his room at night and unzip his fly, proceed to apply mammary glands upon "Tab D". (if you didn't get that, just suck his dick)

Once he feels what he's missing out on, he won't ask you to stop.

dumb religious people:rolleyes:


That was actually one of my thoughts, as well; though, I hope to come up with a better solution. :confused:

Don't force it. He'll probably need time, but might change his mind.
I was coerced into it the first time, and I resented her a lot afterwards. Now I'm fine with sex before marriage, but at the time it was not a good situation.

If you really like him, he'll be worth the wait. :)
I applaud him for trying to stick to his moral values, even if he doesn't know what he's missing. ;)

Ummm...Bring him to NS! We'll deal with him....Ve have vays of making him...vell, you know...

That was actually one of my thoughts, as well; though, I hope to come up with a better solution. :confused:
I'm sure as a Catholic male, your friend has some raging hormones. You just have to find the right button to push.

Are you really that intent on getting him into bed? Damn, he's lucky... XD

Don't force it. He'll probably need time, but might change his mind.
I was coerced into it the first time, and I resented her a lot afterwards. Now I'm fine with sex before marriage, but at the time it was not a good situation.

If you really like him, he'll be worth the wait. :)
I applaud him for trying to stick to his moral values, even if he doesn't know what he's missing. ;)


Well, he doesn't hate me for being a liberal atheist, so I suppose that's a start. :p Let me rephrase, I suppose: I would like to find a way around his abstinence; but, sitting on my bum probably isn't going to do the trick.

Whether or not you can convince him depends on how strong his religious convictions are. There are people in relationships that feel so strongly about abstinence that even in that relationship they remain celibate. If it really means a lot to him, he might not abandon it no matter how much he likes you.

Keeping that in mind, you then have to decide how much you like him and decide if you would be willing to be in a relationship with him knowing you couldn't have sex. If it ends up being that way of course.

The rape approach was not that advice that I was looking for.
I wasn't advocating it either.

I'm sure as a Catholic male, your friend has some raging hormones. You just have to find the right button to push.

Are you really that intent on getting him into bed? Damn, he's lucky... XD


We all are shameless with the puns today, aren't we? :p Specifically, which buttons though? I know him well enough that I can probably find a few; but, any suggestions off of the top of your head?

Well, he doesn't hate me for being a liberal atheist, so I suppose that's a start. :p Let me rephrase, I suppose: I would like to find a way around his abstinence; but, sitting on my bum probably isn't going to do the trick.

Spend time with him. Let him know how you feel, but don't disregard his feelings. Sometimes you don't get what you want... if all you want is a short fling, then it doesn't matter. If you're looking for something more meaningful, I'd suggest patience.
Maybe marry him! ;)

Spend time with him. Let him know how you feel, but don't disregard his feelings. Sometimes you don't get what you want... if all you want is a short fling, then it doesn't matter. If you're looking for something more meaningful, I'd suggest patience.
Maybe marry him! ;)


xD It's a bit early for marriage; I'm sixteen; and, I've known the guy since I was about eight. And, to respond to your other comment: he knows how I feel; and he likes me back; but he's just big on this abstinence thing.

Get him started up in other ways, while allowing him to go without sex. Though, I think the pledge will fail when emotions run high and you two are alone and you're naked...

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/15/AR2006051500842.html

So how reliable are reports of sexual activity by teenagers who took such a pledge?

Not very, according to a study by Harvard doctoral candidate Janet Rosenbaum published in the June issue of the American Journal of Public Health. Rosenbaum found that 53 percent of adolescents in a large, federally funded study who said they made a virginity pledge denied doing so a year later, often after they had become sexually active.

Well, the odds are on your side.

xD It's a bit early for marriage; I'm sixteen; and, I've known the guy since I was about eight. And, to respond to your other comment: he knows how I feel; and he likes me back; but he's just big on this abstinence thing.
Then wait. If it developes, it developes.

Or to put it another way, why are ya in so much of a hury to jump his bones?

xD It's a bit early for marriage; I'm sixteen; and, I've known the guy since I was about eight. And, to respond to your other comment: he knows how I feel; and he likes me back; but he's just big on this abstinence thing.

Them Catholics marry early! :p
hehehe. Seriously, I've known a few to marry well before 20. They just can't keep their pants on. Tend to have big families too, what with the lack of believing in birth control.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/05/15/AR2006051500842.html


You would think; but, he's been at it for awhile. I'll keep trying, though.

Then wait. If it developes, it developes.

Or to put it another way, why are ya in so much of a hury to jump his bones?


Umm, teenage sex drive? :confused:

Buttons, eh? Well, speaking from a male perspective, I suppose I could name a few...

1) Talk to him about whatever. But don't talk to him so much that you annoy him.

2) Maintain close bodily contact. Not in the sexual way, obviously. But just stick by him. Remember the golden rule of relationships! Hugs = Kisses = Intimacy = Sex

3) Um... I'm not sure what else to put here... Slide naked pictures into his locker? I'm sure that would do the trick. xD

Well, these would work on me. I'm not sure about you're friend though.

As has been mentioned, you really have to be careful how you go about this. If he feels like you don't respect his choice, he may grow to resent you. No one wants to feel like they are being pressured to have sex, whether they are practicing abstinence or just don't feel ready. Even if you aren't trying to pressure him, it may come across that way.

Well, I suppose that I'll keep you guys posted; and, I'll take some of your advice.

Any other ideas, guys? :)

I would walk away. If he insists on sticking to his principles, then there is no point getting into a relationship, and if he abandons them then it shows he is easily swayed and probably not boyfriend material anyway. Also getting into a relationship with someone who is too religious will always cause problems. Such a major character flaw will manifest itself in other ways. A person who will deny themselves the greatest pleasure in life for no good reason is liable to do a lot of dumb things.

Umm, teenage sex drive? :confused:
And this is a good reason? Gesh!

If ya really like him, respect his choices and let it play out. I'm sure you can think of other fun things to do instead of.

I would walk away. If he insists on sticking to his principles, then there is no point getting into a relationship, and if he abandons them then it shows he is easily swayed and probably not boyfriend material anyway. Also getting into a relationship with someone who is too religious will always cause problems. Such a major character flaw will manifest itself in other ways. A person who will deny themselves the greatest pleasure in life for no good reason is liable to do a lot of dumb things.


True, but that will not lessen the pain :/

And this is a good reason? Gesh!

If ya really like him, respect his choices and let it play out. I'm sure you can think of other fun things to do instead of.


I suppose; I am not going to end our friendship over it; but, it is really something that I would like us to do; and, I think that he'll really enjoy it. It's more of an expression of intimace than anythinge else.

My word, I cannot spell when I am emotional.

Tell him you know a way you can help him see God.

Tell him you know a way you can help him see God.

Touché on the double entendre.

Since when does abstinence mean that you guys can't have a relationship??? Seriously, even without that pledge, I don't start any relationship with sex (which might explain why I'm still a virgin :p ). Get into a relationship, and unless he intends to abstain for the rest of his life, there shouldn't be any serious issues. Just let the relationship take its course and respect him (which means his decisions too). Besides, it'll be bad sex if he doesn't actually want it.

I understand what you guys are saying :)

I wouldn't push the issue. If this boy is really religious, he won't change his scruples, and I wouldn't try to make him. He'll probably only resent you for it, it will cause tension in the relationship, and you'll both be unhappy. I wouldn't go into this relationship under the impression that you'll get him to change; date him for the person he is, not for the person you want him to be. If sex is something he has a moral standard against, then you should support him in that.

My current boyfriend-thing is an avowed agnostic/athiest, has had sex with more women than I care to think about, but is aware of my religious beliefs and my moral standard. (I, like your guy, feel that sex should be saved for marriage... don't flame me! aaahh!) My guy knows that if I went against it, I would feel terrible. He is considerate enough of my feelings that when I told him I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop with him, he said he'd stop me.
Let me tell you that no words have ever passed through a guy's mouth that made me SO HAPPY than when my guy told me that. It shows that he is considerate of my feelings, that he respects my decisions even if he doesn't completely understand them - and even though I sometimes experience moments of weakness, he won't take advantage of that.
If your boyfriend is anything like me (and it sounds like he is), he'll be absolutely overjoyed if you tell him that you support his decision to go for abstinence.

And did you say you were 16?? Hon, don't be in a hurry to get really sexually involved with people. Especially if your bf is the same age, I really wouldn't push him on this issue -- give him time. You both have plenty of it.

Sex really is my way of telling him that I love him, as it is for a lot of people. I don't mean to sound completely selfless; because, no one is -- of course I love the feeling of it; but, it's just so hard for me to understand the way that he thinks on that issue.

Sex really is my way of telling him that I love him, as it is for a lot of people. I don't mean to sound completely selfless; because, no one is -- of course I love the feeling of it; but, it's just so hard for me to understand the way that he thinks on that issue.

Sex may well be your way of telling other people that you love them, because in a consentual relationship or marriage, sex is an expression of affection, attraction and a way to feel good together. However, if you try to push sex on someone who is unwilling it's likely that sex will only be your way of saying that you want sex.

You said you didn't understand the way he thinks on the issue -- maybe you should talk to him about it. Not try to change his mind, not have a debate with him, but just ask questions about his beliefs. He might only give you a "The Bible told me so" answer, and if he does, don't fight him; but his feelings about it may be a lot more in-depth than you think. Would you like for me to explain MY feelings on the issue? It might give you some insight.

Just make out with him and the like and take it as it goes... It's unlikely he'll jump right into bed with you off the bat, but if you progress further and further each day he'll probably reconsider his abstinance pledge on his own.
Just be enthusiastic, but don't push the issue, it'll happen eventually.

Sex may well be your way of telling other people that you love them, because in a consentual relationship or marriage, sex is an expression of affection, attraction and a way to feel good together. However, if you try to push sex on someone who is unwilling it's likely that sex will only be your way of saying that you want sex.

You said you didn't understand the way he thinks on the issue -- maybe you should talk to him about it. Not try to change his mind, not have a debate with him, but just ask questions about his beliefs. He might only give you a "The Bible told me so" answer, and if he does, don't fight him; but his feelings about it may be a lot more in-depth than you think. Would you like for me to explain MY feelings on the issue? It might give you some insight.


Some insight would be nice, yes :)

*waits patiently*

:confused: I suppose that no one else has any enlightening musings to share?

:confused: I suppose that no one else has any enlightening musings to share?

Sorry, all I have left tonight are euphemisms for bangin', and most of those are being dumped into the Haiku thread.

:confused: I suppose that no one else has any enlightening musings to share?

Nah, not really

Sorry, all I have left tonight are euphemisms for bangin', and most of those are being dumped into the Haiku thread.

That reminds me, I have a french haiku to write.

I will be checking up on this thread, so do not feel as if your posts will be ignored. :)

Firstly, I'm a little surprised that most everyone who's posted in this thread thinks that your boyfriend should, and will, change his mind. He wouldn't be a very steadfast person if he did that, and certainly wouldn't be good long-term-relationship material if he can't maintain a good relationship with God. Y'know?

So here are my thoughts on the issue.

First of all, there's the old answer that the Bible says that sex before marriage is a bad idea. The widely held opinion is that sex is a gift from God that should be enjoyed in the confines of marriage. There are a lot of reasons for this -- a wise God is aware that the end of sexual relationships can cause pain, that sex changes the way people interact (not always for the better), and that people (especially women) develop stronger emotional attachments to sex. I realize that this isn't true for everyone, some people can have sex and think nothing of it... but this isn't the case with your guy.

If I had sex with a guy and he dumped me, I'd be ripped apart. I'd like to avoid that if I can -- I understand that there's a possibility for divorce, but I am less likely to marry the wrong guy who'll divorce me than I am to date a jerk who'll dump me. You have to kiss a LOT of frogs, after all.

If I had sex with a guy I wasn't married to, I'd feel like it was a personal failure. I feel like sex should be saved for marriage, and if I didn't commit to that because I acted out of lust or passion, I would consider that a weakness in my character. I would feel that my desire for short-term pleasure exceeded my desire for long-term fulfillment.

Anything that comes between me and God is a problem -- your bf probably feels the same way. Sin can be a barrier between man and God, and lust is a sin.

I don't know if that helps you at all, but that's sort of my feeling about it. Ask some questions if I can clarify anything for you. :)

Sorry that took so long! :(

That was actually one of my thoughts, as well; though, I hope to come up with a better solution. :confused:
:p Well if all else fails get him drunk and take advatage of him:p One thing you might want to think about,if you've known him a really long time it might be wierd/creepy like kisssing your brother:confused:

Firstly, I'm a little surprised that most everyone who's posted in this thread thinks that your boyfriend should, and will, change his mind. He wouldn't be a very steadfast person if he did that, and certainly wouldn't be good long-term-relationship material if he can't maintain a good relationship with God. Y'know? She's an atheist, I somehow doubt that's a huge qualifier with her.

So here are my thoughts on the issue.

First of all, there's the old answer that the Bible says that sex before marriage is a bad idea. The widely held opinion is that sex is a gift from God that should be enjoyed in the confines of marriage. There are a lot of reasons for this -- a wise God is aware that the end of sexual relationships can cause pain, that sex changes the way people interact (not always for the better), and that people (especially women) develop stronger emotional attachments to sex. I realize that this isn't true for everyone, some people can have sex and think nothing of it... but this isn't the case with your guy. So you presume, for most guys, it's not nearly as meaningful as it is for women. I'm not a fan of casual sex since I like to have a little lovin not just a fuck. He's 16, find it rather unlikely he'll keep his pledge, unless he's gay.

If I had sex with a guy and he dumped me, I'd be ripped apart. I'd like to avoid that if I can -- I understand that there's a possibility for divorce, but I am less likely to marry the wrong guy who'll divorce me than I am to date a jerk who'll dump me. You have to kiss a LOT of frogs, after all. Don't underestimate the importance of sex, finding someone who's compatable in the bedroom is a big issue too. You're marrying someone for the long haul, there's no reason to settle for anything less than perfect.

If I had sex with a guy I wasn't married to, I'd feel like it was a personal failure. I feel like sex should be saved for marriage, and if I didn't commit to that because I acted out of lust or passion, I would consider that a weakness in my character. I would feel that my desire for short-term pleasure exceeded my desire for long-term fulfillment. You're welcome to that opinion, and I applaud you for it. It's just not for everyone.

Anything that comes between me and God is a problem -- your bf probably feels the same way. Sin can be a barrier between man and God, and lust is a sin.

I don't know if that helps you at all, but that's sort of my feeling about it. Ask some questions if I can clarify anything for you. :)

Everything fun is a sin. Though that sorta depends on which preacher you talk to.

Now for the OP. The guy's made his pledge, and I don't think you should actively try to subvert that. There are things to do in a relationship aside from screwing like bunnies. Given enough time I'm sure I could think of a few. If you're really serious about him don't pressure him to do anything he doesn't want to. I think you'll learn that's rule #1 when it comes to both relationships and sex.

Let me clear things up: I'm a guy, too.

:confused: I suppose that no one else has any enlightening musings to share?
The only other thing I can add is to note that, yes, physical intimacy is a very important part of a relationship (all jokes aside). However, part of that is being comfortable with both the person and what you're going to do. If one part of the partnership is unhappy or feels that it was forced upon them, bad things could and do happen.

So, take it slow, don't force it, but let him come to the decision to take that next step.

Let me clear things up: I'm a guy, too.
Oh this makes the issue all sorts of fun then.

Oh this makes the issue all sorts of fun then.

How so?

Most catholics don't exactly get flattered when you mention you're hot for them. Though that he's cool with it is a good sign. Is he gay? If not you're wasting your time.

How so?
You said he was Catholic right? He could be having some serious issues with his religion and sexuality (er, you DO know if he is gay too, right?) right now.

She's an atheist, I somehow doubt that's a huge qualifier with her.

It is probably a qualifier for her boyfriend, though. :)

So you presume, for most guys, it's not nearly as meaningful as it is for women. I'm not a fan of casual sex since I like to have a little lovin not just a fuck. He's 16, find it rather unlikely he'll keep his pledge, unless he's gay.

I didn't say it was less meaningful, just that it's been my experience that women have a bigger emotional attachment to sex. A lot of that is cultural, I think, because a lot of girls are brought up believing that sex is romantic, lasting, and significant; a lot boys are raised believing that sex is about competition or manhood.

Don't underestimate the importance of sex, finding someone who's compatable in the bedroom is a big issue too. You're marrying someone for the long haul, there's no reason to settle for anything less than perfect.
I think that sexual attraction is important - I should definitely WANT to have sex with my husband. There should always be that spark, if you don't experience desire for your partner you should perhaps reconsider that relationship. That being said, I don't think you should act on that lust until marriage -- becuase I'll probably feel that spark for a lot of people before I'm wed. If I'm a virgin when I get married, I seriously doubt I'll be dynamite in the bedroom at first -- that'll certainly make ME less-than-perfect in the sack! That will be something for us to share and work through as a couple.

You're welcome to that opinion, and I applaud you for it. It's just not for everyone.
Naturally. I wasn't pushing or advocating my view, just sharing my feelings on the issue so that maybe this troubled girlfriend will have a little more perspective.

Everything fun is a sin. Though that sorta depends on which preacher you talk to.
Some preachers are ignorant. God certainly wants us to have fun, and wants us to have sex with our partner -- just look at the Song of Songs in the Bible. That's a lot of passionate, romantic love displayed at a wedding ceremony. I think that sex is a gift to be enjoyed by married couples.

Now for the OP. The guy's made his pledge, and I don't think you should actively try to subvert that.

Agreed.

There are things to do in a relationship aside from screwing like bunnies. Given enough time I'm sure I could think of a few. If you're really serious about him don't pressure him to do anything he doesn't want to. I think you'll learn that's rule #1 when it comes to both relationships and sex.

I totally agree. Compromise is important.

Let me clear things up: I'm a guy, too.

*falls over* Wow, this should be interesting.

You said he was Catholic right? He could be having some serious issues with his religion and sexuality (er, you DO know if he is gay too, right?) right now.


Yes, I do :)

It's not like we haven't done ANYTHING, just not as much as I would like.

I kinda thought Quiggles was a guy, but I've learned to presume nothing over the years.

Yes, I do :)

It's not like we haven't done ANYTHING, just not as much as I would like.

See now that's a good sign, take it slow. Either he'll go for it or not. Being Catholic I'm sure he has some hangups about gay sex. You'll have to build him up to it. You're dealing with two barriers here, the gay thing, and the abstinence pledge.

Of course since we gays can't get married there is that angle, unless he plans to be a virgin for life.

Oh, and you guys can call me Zach xP

Yes, I do :)

It's not like we haven't done ANYTHING, just not as much as I would like.
Well, then at least there's THAT out of the way. ;)

But I would wonder if part of his pledge is trying to work out his religion and sexuality, that could be what's keeping him from going further till he gets the conflict worked out in his mind.

Well, then at least there's THAT out of the way. ;)

But I would wonder if part of his pledge is trying to work out his religion and sexuality, that could be what's keeping him from going further till he gets the conflict worked out in his mind.


Any way that I could aid in that? I'ts a tricky subject, yet even more so for an atheist. I truly fail to grasp religion. :/

Well, first don't try to convert him. Don't try to pressure him. Just relax and let things take their course. Though don't be afraid to be a bit aggressive on occasion, just don't over do it.

There's a lot of drama and complications when it comes to religious gays, particularly at first.

Whatever happens, he has to be all for it, completely aware, and completely stone cold sober. If you really care for him you won't do any less.

Ask him questions. "Why do you feel that way?" "Do you think that it would further or hinder your relationship with God?" "Why do you want to wait?" Ask him leading questions that make him consider his point of view. Stand behind his decision. :)

I don't plan on getting him drunk, or the like; so we can stop discussing that.

I'll see what I can do with questions :)

It could take some time. He'll probably need reassured (subtely) that you're not just after the sex. If you pressure him that's what it will look like.

Well, I have to run; but, please keep this board active, is you can; I'll be on in the morning.

I look forward to reading your advice.

To the top with this interesting thread. Let's see what the morning crew things.

I look forward to reading your advice.
No, no you don't ;)

Well, summer is approaching (in the Northern Hemisphere) so if you live on this side of the planet, you're probably going to be wearing a lot of skimpy clothing, etc...you could make sure he sees you that way.

A person who will deny themselves the greatest pleasure in life for no good reason is liable to do a lot of dumb things.The guy is denying himself food, too? Wow, that is weird.

Boys aren't really that hard to get in the sack. Hang out late into the night, wait until he's slightly tired, kiss him, and get naked. See where his convictions lie when THAT happens.

EDIT: It's not hard to get straight guys in the sack, if you are a girl who is not ugly.

Boys aren't really that hard to get in the sack. Hang out late into the night, wait until he's slightly tired, kiss him, and get naked. See where his convictions lie when THAT happens.

EDIT: It's not hard to get straight guys in the sack, if you are a girl who is not ugly.


Tried it. :/ Sort of half-way worked, slightly.

Situation: Quiggles like Boy. A lot. Boy feels same. Boy is Catholic. Boy = Sex until after marriage. Quiggles = Bummed.

Conclusion: I'm not sure there is anyway you can slide around your friend's moral beliefs. My only advice is to start dating and take it from there. Then you'll find out how much he likes you. After that, only time will tell...


Yes there is, get married!!

Yes there is, get married!!

Remember, I'm 16.

Where have all of the morning people gone? :confused:

Yes there is, get married!!
That's kind of difficult if gay marriage is illegal in the area where NQII lives. Read the thread to spare yourself undue embarrasment, please.

Marriage is out of the question; so we can stop debating that.

I have been attracted to a good friend of mine, whom I have known for ages, for a good while now; and, I know, now, that he feels the same; but, has pledged abstinence. So, basically, I'm fucked (forgive the pun :p). Any ideas on how I can convince him to do otherwise? I'm not too good with the whole religion thing -- I'm an atheist, and, he's a Catholic.
It is possible to have a relationship without sex. You don't need to force it. It will cum with time. How strict is he? Will he even kiss you?

I would walk away. If he insists on sticking to his principles, then there is no point getting into a relationship, and if he abandons them then it shows he is easily swayed and probably not boyfriend material anyway.
Hold on the guy, as far as we know, has not sworn off love. Only sex. Even hyper-Catholics want to fall in love before getting married.

It is possible to have a relationship without sex. You don't need to force it. It will cum with time. How strict is he? Will he even kiss you?


Hold on the guy, as far as we know, has not sworn off love. Only sex. Even hyper-Catholics want to fall in love before getting married.


We've been able to do everything but sex, which, of course, only makes me want it more. As for the second part, I don't plan on losing our friendship over this, so I'm definitely "holding on to him" ;)

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992
Nice...

The night crowd is much more active :p

The night crowd is much more active :p

Eh, yeah, something like that.

I have been attracted to a good friend of mine, whom I have known for ages, for a good while now; and, I know, now, that he feels the same; but, has pledged abstinence. So, basically, I'm fucked (forgive the pun :p). Any ideas on how I can convince him to do otherwise? I'm not too good with the whole religion thing -- I'm an atheist, and, he's a Catholic.

Thanks for the advice.



To keep it on topic, post your favourint Pat Robertson Quotes.

Mine:

"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." -- Pat Robertson, fundraising letter, 1992


As a Catholic lad is an Atheist country, I have been in his situation.

If you just want to get him into bed, you can unless he is not that into you. His brain maybe strict, but his gonads won't be.

That said, it will end up confusing you more because just because he lapses a couple of times, won't mean he is commited to you or will want regular sex. Before you know it you will be crying over meals and not understanding why you get upset the whole time.

The options are to be either:
1) Patient
2) Catholic

I would recommend two, as it is great fun and a spiritual journey. Option 1 is more likely.

Also, option 3: A nice Atheist boy.

I'm sorry I assumed you were a girl. You will probably have a harder time than we thought because even if you're attracted to each other, he has a million messages coming his way that say that he is a sick person if he has sex with you and maybe he's going to hell. Obviously that is incorrect, but it adds to the problem. Frankly, I'd say move on and find somebody who is more ready for this sort of thing.

It's not fair to try and "convince" him to have sex when he's decided he doesn't want to. So either make do with a relationship without sex, or find someone else.

I'm sorry I assumed you were a girl. You will probably have a harder time than we thought because even if you're attracted to each other, he has a million messages coming his way that say that he is a sick person if he has sex with you and maybe he's going to hell. Obviously that is incorrect, but it adds to the problem. Frankly, I'd say move on and find somebody who is more ready for this sort of thing.


Easier said than done; I really love the guy; and I cannot understand why he is doing this x.x

Easier said than done; I really love the guy; and I cannot understand why he is doing this x.x
It's his religious belief? He wants to make sure someones fully commited before having sex? He doesn't feel ready? He's having sexuality vs religion issues? If you love him, then you shouldn't be trying to pressure him into doing anything.

It's his religious belief? He wants to make sure someones fully commited before having sex? He doesn't feel ready? He's having sexuality vs religion issues? If you love him, then you shouldn't be trying to pressure him into doing anything.


Love is complicated; and, there's a big difference between wanting and badgering.

The thing is, I can never be fully committed, because gay marriage is illegal here; that's the thing.

Love is complicated; and, there's a big difference between wanting and badgering.
Sorry, I didn't mean you were doing that, I was partly replying to other posters who've given responses like "get him drunk".


The thing is, I can never be fully committed, because gay marriage is illegal here; that's the thing.

You say you're 16...well to be honest...few relationships that start around that age are gonna last. Have you tried talking to him and asking why he pledged abstinance? Is it purely because he's Catholic or are there other aspects...insecurity...sexuality? You could help him with those.

Sorry, I didn't mean you were doing that, I was partly replying to other posters who've given responses like "get him drunk".



You say you're 16...well to be honest...few relationships that start around that age are gonna last. Have you tried talking to him and asking why he pledged abstinance? Is it purely because he's Catholic or are there other aspects...insecurity...sexuality? You could help him with those.


I'll talk with him when I go over to his house tomorrow; but, meanwhile, I have to run to Tae Kwon Do. I'll check up on this thread later.

I'll talk with him when I go over to his house tomorrow; but, meanwhile, I have to run to Tae Kwon Do. I'll check up on this thread later.
Well I hope your talk with him goes ok. Let him know how you feel, and try not to come away without some sort of conclusion. Talks that go nowhere are the most frustrating kind. And don't forget to come back to general afterwards if you need anymore advice ;)

Well I hope your talk with him goes ok. Let him know how you feel, and try not to come away without some sort of conclusion. Talks that go nowhere are the most frustrating kind. And don't forget to come back to general afterwards if you need anymore advice ;)

Thanks, guys :)