NationStates Jolt Archive

Christian missionaries just tried to convert me. Knocked on my door, out of the blue....

This is only the third time in over 30 years that religeous folk have shown up at my door to attempt to convert me...something different for the day I guess.

I was completely unprepared for someone to knock on my door and when I went to open it I could see that it was a tall man in a suit.... personally tall men in suits knocking unexpectedly at the door - bit of a worry.

So I opened my door a tiny crack, peered out and snapped 'yes'. This young lad, stole a look at his companian (who I couldnt see due to the door only being open a tiny bit), and then mumbled about being from the mission.

I just wanted to get my door closed (I'm not good with unexpected strangers, I dont mind strangers turning up if I know they are coming, I dont mind friends showing up unexpected, but unexpected and strangers....). So anyway I interupted him and said 'sorry not a good time right now'. He didnt hesitate - his foot was already on the steps down from my door before I'd finished speaking. This was entirely unexpected based on my previous two encounters with door-door missionaries. I realised then (this all happened quick and I was unnerved by their unexpectedness) that my manner very probably conveyed abrupt hostility, so I added 'good luck', and then 'God bless' for good measure.

Based on the average to date, that's my door to door conversion attempt for the decade...something a bit different for the day.

Goodness it just starting pouring down. Now I really feel bad for the missionary lads....

They seemed like nice kids, I dont think they found their task enjoyable, but they were at it any way, so I hope the rest of their day goes better than their encounter down my 'right of way'.

After their visit to my door they went to my neighbour's. She leaves her door open so her two small-pony sized dogs can wander in and out at will. Unfortunately by the time I'd gotten over my surprise enough to realise that their next 'port of call' would be my neighbours (and that seeing the door open they would naturally bowl on up the stairs), and dashed to window on my neighbours side to call out and warn them, they'd already met the dogs (they are really nice gentle animals but that isnt necessarily apparent to someone when out of the blue two near pony sized dogs rush out to confront them barking madly)....

On the good side, it just stopped raining.

you sure it wan't a mormon?

One time the mromon's came to my house. I saw them through the shades from one of the rooms. They rang the doorbell and I just hid under the sheets, hoping they'd leave. After a minute or so, they did. I think I'm on their shit list, though.

Lucky you. After working until about 03:00 I get missionaries ringing the doorbell before 09:00 'to read the bible with me" about once every other week. They are not very graciously received.

The current plan of action is to find out where they live and then go and ring their dorbell at 01:30 "to explain relativity to them". I don't think they will be so damn cheerful then.

I usually listen to them if they take the time to talk to me I can take the time hear what they have to say mind you I'm not the guy who would be worried about 2 men knocking on my door asking to come in

I had a cat try and attack missionaries once. It wasn't remarkable for the cat, she was a bastard and tried to attack just about everybody, but the fact that her name was Adversary kind of made it amusing.

I just try to convert people who do that. Turnabout is fair play, no? :)

The worst thing you could do with the Mormon's is open the door and invite them in to talk. Never do that.

The worst thing you could do with the Mormon's is open the door and invite them in to talk. Never do that.
Or do it and then call the cops to say they're tresspassing.

Those sound like Mormons, but they're the first ones I hear about to take a no that easily. The ones who've shown up at my place (it seems I live on a popular street for converters, as I've been visited by Jehova's witnesses, scientologists as well as Catholics on several occasions, and I've only lived here for a year and a half) have been quite pushy. Un-Swedish in a sense, profiting at first on my unwillingness to be rude (yeah, yeah, let's just say the way I am online is nothing like how I was raised to act in Swedish society), but I quickly got over it. It helps that many of them have had American accents, some even speaking in English because they're so new to the country.

Nowadays, if they shove their foot so I can't close my door (I find Jehova's Witnesses do this more often than Mormons, but Mormons have left their bloody book blocking my mail slot every damned time - you wouldn't believe how hard it is to make recycling places accept it), they get a kick to the shin. I expect some of them to learn to wear shin guards, at which case I'll have to invent some new strategy.

Or do it and then call the cops to say they're tresspassing.

That's a good idea...

*Begins to contemplate*

SNIP

they gave you a free book! *is jealous that I only get the odd Christian in my town centre giving me a crappy leaflet*

I never answer the door.. my emergency plan is as follows:


Mute TV
Stop Breathing
Run to the bathroom just to make sure they can't see me
Wait for knock on door.
Talk to myself ("FUCK FUCK FUCK!")
Wait for second knock.
Wait 10 minutes.
Resume watching tv.

I once pretended I was retarded when they came to the door. It wasn't even my house.

You could also come to the door with only a towel on/naked. They probably would feel so uncomfortable that they'd leave. Or you could turn on some seriously loud death metal. :D

Were they both pretty young men (in their 20s or so) dressed in black?
If so, they were mormons. You're probably used to Jehovah's Witnesses.

Mormons are much nicer than JWs. I ran into them once and held a fairly nice conversation even though their conversion efforts were futile. They asked if I wanted to go to church with them, I said "Thanks, but no thanks" they were alright with it and wished me a good day.

Mormons creep me out. They seems nice, but there's something about them that...I just don't like.

they gave you a free book! *is jealous that I only get the odd Christian in my town centre giving me a crappy leaflet*
When I was in 8th grade.. we went on a feild trip to Hershey Park.. on our way out, we were surrounded by missionaries handing out little bibles.. the nerve. Going after 14 year olds..

Althought the bible they somehow gave me.. the pages made good rolling papers :p

Praise The Lord!

I expect some of them to learn to wear shin guards, at which case I'll have to invent some new strategy.
Kick the side of their shin or threaten to call the cops.

I want to be really high, and drinking, when missionaries knock. I'd invite them in, sit down, offer them drinks, And have a discussion. And maybe a nice debate. Then, suddenly, out of nowhere, start yelling savagely, pulling a baseball bat or other weapon from somewhere near me, threaten them, and chase them down the block.

And do all this while some intense metal is playing fairly loudly in the next room.

You could also come to the door with only a towel on/naked.

I would recommend this not because some old decrepit ladies will feel more uncomfortable than you its just because you can and its your house so they follow your rules:p

When I was in 8th grade.. we went on a feild trip to Hershey Park.. on our way out, we were surrounded by missionaries handing out little bibles.. the nerve. Going after 14 year olds..

Althought the bible they somehow gave me.. the pages made good rolling papers :p

Praise The Lord!

You don't deserve to go to Hershey Park!!

When I was in 8th grade.. we went on a feild trip to Hershey Park.. on our way out, we were surrounded by missionaries handing out little bibles.. the nerve. Going after 14 year olds..

Althought the bible they somehow gave me.. the pages made good rolling papers :p

Praise The Lord!
That is kinda underhanded. But good payback, maybe you should have sent them a not thanking them for the rolling paper.

I once pretended I was retarded when they came to the door. It wasn't even my house.
*takes notes*

How about if your freinds there at the door, and you start making moaning noises and.. slapping sounds?

Mormons creep me out. They seems nice, but there's something about them that...I just don't like.

It's natural to be a littlw wary of anyone who believes that god's word was in a hat.

Kick the side of their shin or threaten to call the cops.

The cops will just tell me to tell them to fuck themselves. That's what happened when I talked to a policeman friend about it. They've better things to do than to come to the rescue of twats like me who can't seem to rid themselves of proselytisers.

I had a cat try and attack missionaries once. It wasn't remarkable for the cat, she was a bastard and tried to attack just about everybody, but the fact that her name was Adversary kind of made it amusing.
And what was the cat's name? :D

That is kinda underhanded. But good payback, maybe you should have sent them a not thanking them for the rolling paper.
Along with a nice dime bag :D

It's natural to be a littlw wary of anyone who believes that god's word was in a hat.

And that they believe in Polygammy. The Mormons who creep me out the most are the ones in Utah who live in compounds with arranged marriages between young girls and much older men.

Along with a nice dime bag :D
ergh, why waste the money on them?

You could always ask the people if they want to join the satanic orgy in the backyard. They'll probably run away, and it will probably give you a laugh...

You don't deserve to go to Hershey Park!!
HAH!

*sticks tounge out*

You could always ask the people if they want to join the satanic orgy in the backyard. They'll probably run away, and it will probably give you a laugh...

That's another great idea!

they gave you a free book! *is jealous that I only get the odd Christian in my town centre giving me a crappy leaflet*

http://www.sistedagershellige.no/upfiles/MormonsBok-oversettelser.jpg

They hand them out like candy. Such a waste...

That's another great idea!

Yeah. There was a day when a bunch of my friends came up with ways to scare away Mormon/JW missionaries. I don't think the Mormon in the group appreciated it quite as much as the rest of us - but he was laughing too!

ergh, why waste the money on them?
Good point, pubic hair it is :D

Lucky you.
Yep!
They come so rarely that rather than being an annoyance it's a novelty...not only am I spared annoyance, I'm able to get a bit of gentle amusement about once a decade....
After working until about 03:00 I get missionaries ringing the doorbell before 09:00 'to read the bible with me" about once every other week. They are not very graciously received.
I wouldnt want them to turn up once in such circumstances, I wouldnt want them to turn up every other week regardless of the time of day any my schedule...that'd just really piss me off quite frankly!
The current plan of action is to find out where they live and then go and ring their dorbell at 01:30 "to explain relativity to them". I don't think they will be so damn cheerful then.
Please do remember to share with us all the results of the plan should it ever proceed to the implementation stage! :D

And that they believe in Polygammy. The Mormons who creep me out the most are the ones in Utah who live in compounds with arranged marriages between young girls and much older men.
why that does not count as rape i dont know...the poor girls cant want to be married to men as old as their fathers can they?

Yeah. There was a day when a bunch of my friends came up with ways to scare away Mormon/JW missionaries. I don't think the Mormon in the group appreciated it quite as much as the rest of us - but he was laughing too!

Just point in a direction and say "Look! It's a fifteen year old girl with no aim in life and is a runaway!"

When they turn their backs, slam the door shut.

http://www.sistedagershellige.no/upfiles/MormonsBok-oversettelser.jpg

They hand them out like candy. Such a waste...
Mine was like green!

I'd take a pic of it.. but it's all the way upstairs :(

Yeah. There was a day when a bunch of my friends came up with ways to scare away Mormon/JW missionaries. I don't think the Mormon in the group appreciated it quite as much as the rest of us - but he was laughing too!
Hehehe, there's a great ongoing joke along those lines in "Reno 911". That's such a great show. :)

why that does not count as rape i dont know...the poor girls cant want to be married to men as old as their fathers can they?

Hell no they don't wanna. It's a shame that that stuff goes on.

You could always ask the people if they want to join the satanic orgy in the backyard. They'll probably run away, and it will probably give you a laugh...
One of my friends is a satanist and some JWs came to her house. She told them she was a satanist and shut the door in their faces.
They came back the next week saying that they wanted to learn about her religion... she'd been in the kitchen chopping some veggies and had carried the knife with her to the door... she told them that they'd interrupted a sacrifice she was making and shut the door in their faces once again.

They never returned.

One of my friends is a satanist and some JWs came to her house. She told them she was a satanist and shut the door in their faces.
They came back the next week saying that they wanted to learn about her religion... she'd been in the kitchen chopping some veggies and had carried the knife with her to the door... she told them that they'd interrupted a sacrifice she was making and shut the door in their faces once again.

They never returned.
Tell her I love her.

One of my friends is a satanist and some JWs came to her house. She told them she was a satanist and shut the door in their faces.
They came back the next week saying that they wanted to learn about her religion... she'd been in the kitchen chopping some veggies and had carried the knife with her to the door... she told them that they'd interrupted a sacrifice she was making and shut the door in their faces once again.

They never returned.

:D The second time they were probably following the book that tells them the proper way to convert people of specific religions. Yes, that book exists, I'm being serious.

One of my friends is a satanist and some JWs came to her house. She told them she was a satanist and shut the door in their faces.
They came back the next week saying that they wanted to learn about her religion... she'd been in the kitchen chopping some veggies and had carried the knife with her to the door... she told them that they'd interrupted a sacrifice she was making and shut the door in their faces once again.

They never returned.
That's absolutely brilliant.

Answer the door wearing only a towel and a eyepatch. Talk to them in a pirate-y way. They won't be back.

Open the door, wearing a t-shirt that says" "I hate Mormons".

Answer the door wearing only a towel and a eyepatch. Talk to them in a pirate-y way. They won't be back.

Or if they do come back, it won't be to convert you. ;)

Open the door and ask them what is so important that they took you away from screwing Fluffy.

Edit: Yes, I know, that was sick.

I'm only 16, and I've was confroonted by Jehova's Witnesses the first time last summer. As soon as I looked through the window and saw who it was, I grabbed a switchblade and an old piece of wood; I opened the door and started whittling. I then started speaking in a southern accent (Which is hard to do, considering I've lived in the north all my life) and said, "Howdy, Sirs. Whats can ah DOOOO you fellas fo?" All this, and of corse flicking little woodchips at them all the while.

They asked where my dad was, and I said, "Out in the back, shootin' deer with the Ol' 12 Gauge. Better not bother him, though. The man hates tresspassers."

They said thanks for my time and left pretty quickly.

After reading this thread I think perhaps mormon elders send young uns out on bicycles as missionaries less to actually convert people to mormonism and more to keep the young mormons they have in the LDS by showing the young mormons in real life how typical non-mormons behave.

After reading this thread I think perhaps mormon elders send young uns out on bicycles as missionaries less to actually convert people to mormonism and more to keep the young mormons they have in the LDS by showing the young mormons in real life how typical non-mormons behave.

:D Brilliant theory!

Usually the armed bear traps and spent casings littered around the front door keep those people away. And everyone else...

I think Jehovah's Witnesses came to our house once...years ago. MAybe they know we're Jewish and there is no hope.

Were they both pretty young men (in their 20s or so) dressed in black?
No. Both young. Suits - dark blue and darker blue. One was nice looking (the one who did the knocking and the talking) Polynesian, one of those nice 'good Polynesian boys' who is always polite to everyone, deferential to females and endlessly patient with children' type of guys.
The other guy (white fella, lighter of the two blue suits) I didnt see when they were at my door because he stood on the step and I didnt open the door enough to see down. When I did see him he was over at the neighbours, the two visible features I could see at that distance were blond hair and acne...the latter the more noticable of the two.

If so, they were mormons.
They may have been. They didnt have byclcles, and their suits were not black. It's not impossible (so far as I know) for Mormons to turn up Sans bycycles in suits some colour other than black...

You're probably used to Jehovah's Witnesses.
I'm probably not...
This was my third encounter with door knocking conversionists...even if every previous such encounter had been with JW's the total chances to become familiar with them is 2...

Mormons are much nicer than JWs. I ran into them once and held a fairly nice conversation even though their conversion efforts were futile. They asked if I wanted to go to church with them, I said "Thanks, but no thanks" they were alright with it and wished me a good day.
I've not ever been personally 'bothered' by members of either church...

You'll have noticed the general attitude towards home calls from folks trying to swing you to their religion in this thread...I dont have that attitude so rare have such encounters been for me. My attitude towards door knocking evangilists isnt dread or 'get them outta here' bur rather 'how interesting'...
I myself would be pissed if these kinds of encounters happened with regularity (I'm not big on unexpected door knocks from folk I dont know), but due to their rarity to me they are odd-curios rather than pests.

I always invite the nutters in and set about the task of telling them all about my spiritual views to the point they're just itching to be on their way.That way, I do get the occasional missionary visit, but no repeat encounters. Not once. Not yet. In eighteen years.

Although I am not surprised, I am disappointed with most of the posts here... These people are simply trying to share with you their most valued posession- Their faith- and most of you talk about how you get them to leave quickly (And injured, if you can). That's pretty low.

I recall being approached by a JW while I was in Germany. It was the cleaning lady who worked in my hosts' house. I thanked her for her interest, and told her that I was already quite content with my faith. I also remember my mother once inviting some Jehovah's Witnesses into our home to talk with them. It was a two-way conversation: Them sharing their style of faith with my mother and she sharing hers with them. I have had similar conversations with my Muslim friends. We joke that it was our way of continuing the Jihads and Crusades, trying to convert each other. In every situation, however, the key is to be respectful. Whether you choose to accept an invitation or not, I think that is very important.

I don't really care about the door-to-door types, so I just send 'em on their way with a "Stay well" wish (After all, I don't want them to have any luck, but I always feel sorry for the poor fucks).

The ones who stand around public schools and target the kids with their propoganda, they're the sick fucks, and I'm not half so kind to them. I normally stick to looks of deepest loathing at the morons, but I'm not above the occasional snide comment to them.

Although I am not surprised, I am disappointed with most of the posts here... These people are simply trying to share with you their most valued posession- Their faith- and most of you talk about how you get them to leave quickly (And injured, if you can). That's pretty low.

I recall being approached by a JW while I was in Germany. It was the cleaning lady who worked in my hosts' house. I thanked her for her interest, and told her that I was already quite content with my faith. I also remember my mother once inviting some Jehovah's Witnesses into our home to talk with them. It was a two-way conversation: Them sharing their style of faith with my mother and she sharing hers with them. I have had similar conversations with my Muslim friends. We joke that it was our way of continuing the Jihads and Crusades, trying to convert each other. In every situation, however, the key is to be respectful. Whether you choose to accept an invitation or not, I think that is very important.

What I love most about these threads, is that they always reveal to me, some new asshat I can ignore. (At the current rate, soon I won't see any posts here at all.)

I get them regular.

I usually tell them I don't believe in the Bible and they have to give me arguements that don't include the Bible. I mean after all, Paul didn't quote the Bible to the Athenians. And if someone believes in the Bible they are at least nominally Christian so they wouldn't be converting, they would be sheep stealing.

Really a kick to see them stumble around while I deny them the Bible whenever they try to use it.

Besides, if they're with me they aren't bothering someone else.

I've gone door to door ministering in the Pensacola area and out in Seville square. Lots of fun, get to talk to people, spread the good word.