NationStates Jolt Archive

So. A recent crisis of mine played out in nightmarish fashion...I went in to the doctor's for what I thought was something benign, though irritating, and found out I had herpes. HERPES!!! I was in shock! I started bawling my eyes out, because of course, the first thing that popped into my head was, "My husband cheated on me!"

The doctor consoled me with, "well, it's theoretically possible to contract the herpes virus from a toilet seat...so don't assume infidelity." I consider myself pretty educated on STDs (or STIs as they're now called), and I knew damn well there is no evidence to back this particular claim up.

What I didn't know was that despite my belief in my own education, I was sorely undereducated about herpes.

It's estimated that 1 in 5 males, and 1 in 4 females (as females are more prone to infection) have herpes, of the oral, or genital variety. Further, it is estimated that about 90% of people infected with herpes have no idea they have it. Part of the reason for this is that herpes can remain latent for long periods of time, without an outbreak...and unless you have an active outbreak, there is almost no way to accurately determine whether you are positive or negative for herpes.

Read that again. You can go in for routine STD testing and never find out you have herpes. There is something called a Western blot test, which is an expensive testing procedure not normally carried out by STD clinics. However, even this test is likely to return false negatives.

Herpes is fairly delicate and doesn't live long outside the body. It is passed from skin on skin contact...not via toilet seats, or even towels (though it's theoretically possible, there have been no proven cases of these kinds of transmissions). Herpes enters through the skin, and likes areas of skin that are thinner, like the mucous membranes.

My husband and I are fairly certain where he picked up this particular infection, and it was from an encounter a couple of years ago. My symptoms were likely a primary outbreak, meaning that I had just become infected, and hadn't carried it previously. He's never had any symptoms himself, but I've since learned that herpes can be passed on even when there are no symptoms of an outbreak. This means, there is NO safe time to have sex with someone with herpes. Nonetheless, we have no real way of knowing if I was the primary carrier or if it really was my husband. For all we know, I could have got the virus before I met him, and only now had an outbreak.

There are many herpes viruses. Chicken pox is one of them. That doesn't mean that if you had chicken pox, that you have herpes, but it does mean you are more susceptible to the virus. Many children are infected with herpes simplex 1 (often called oral herpes, but this is a misnomer as I'll explain in a moment) when they are kissed by a relative with a cold sore. Genital herpes is usually caused by herpes simplex 2. However, there more and more cases of herpes simplex 1 found in the genitals...which is the case with us. Lovely, isn't it?

So what does it mean to have herpes? It's not life threatening, and for most people, it's not even particularly uncomfortable. Again, most people don't even know they have it. The primary outbreak, or first sign of symptoms can be pretty severe, with blistering and irritation. Antiviral medication such as Valtrex is generally prescribed during an outbreak. It doesn't stop the outbreak, or cure herpes (nothing does), but it helps you recover more quickly. If you have more outbreaks (some never do), they will never again be as severe as that first one. After a while, your body builds up enough immunity to suppress most reoccurrences...but you are more susceptible to outbreaks when you are worn down...just as you are to other viruses, like colds.

In any case, what this has taught me is that getting herpes is extremely easy...you have absolutely no way of knowing for sure that your partner does NOT have herpes, even if they get regular testing. It can be passed to you even when your partner has no symptoms. It is for life, there is no cure. However, aside from disgusting pictures in sex-ed class, most of us know too little about it, and how to prevent getting it.

Any questions?

Any questions?

Here's a question.

If we can't tell if we have it, and we can't prevent its transimssion, why should we care about it at all?

You're basically saying "there's nothing we can do". Great. So we can stop worrying about it.

So does herpes attack the immune system or anything serious or is it more like an irritating thing that never goes away?

Here's a question.

If we can't tell if we have it, and we can't prevent its transimssion, why should we care about it at all?

You're basically saying "there's nothing we can do". Great. So we can stop worrying about it.Well, in a way, that's how I feel...it's not particularly dangerous except in some specific instances, and if we all had it, then so what...BUT saying that you can't prevent its transmission is false. It is preventable...the biggest obstacle is knowing you have anything to pass on in the first place, but if you DO know, then you need to take steps to stop from spreading it to someone else.

If we can't tell if we have it, and we can't prevent its transimssion, why should we care about it at all?



Because it does pop up once in a while, even if it's 'dormant' for a long period of time. And when it does make its presence known you really, really feel it - and I'd assume that some people would think they're having other problems, and not understand that it's herpes, and I'd assume that a good number of people still wouldn't go to the doctor, because that's how people are. When I turned 18 my dad started to lecture me on how to be selective before having sex. It was an akward conversation. > >

Any questions?
Thanks for the articulate and frank enlightenment. I knew about herpes -- my father brought it home to my mother back in the 70s and that started the downward spiral of that relationship.

The toilet seat thing is complete horseshit, and I'm surprised any doctor is still spreading that urban legend. Nothing survives for more than a few minutes on a standard toilet seat -- it's a scare tactic designed to sell more ass gaskets (toilet seat covers) and make the population as a whole more paranoid (a society in fear is easier to manipulate).

Protection, people, every time (yes, I know, but a high percentage of protection without being 100% is yards better than none). It's just that simple. Failing that, don't have sex. Marriage is not a protection or guarantee.

I remember when I went to a seminar with my mother, who's a nurse - it's a yearly routine for them - and the doctor said, "You could eat off the toilet and not contract many diseases." And this is one of those doctors who I lack a name for, but specialise in that kind of... stuff.

So does herpes attack the immune system or anything serious or is it more like an irritating thing that never goes away?
It does not attack the immune system. In very rare, severe instances, it can cause a form of meningitis, but this is treatable. It can also cause brain encephalitis, but this is again, so rare as to be barely worth mentioning. The only real concern is for pregnant women. A primary outbreak during the first trimester of pregnancy can, possibly, infect the baby in the womb. A woman who has herpes and becomes pregnant, already has enough antibodies to prevent this sort of transmission, so the risk is really very slight. However, an outbreak during actual delivery can pass on herpes to the child as it is born, causing serious complications. In this case, a C-section is usually performed. As well, the pregnant woman can take anti-viral medication to suppress an outbreak, and many women have perfectly normal deliveries even with herpes.

For the average individual, herpes is an inconvenience, like a cold, or a cold sore...not fun, but something that can be weathered through. Nonetheless, you have it for life, and need to take steps to avoid passing it on.

It is preventable...the biggest obstacle is knowing you have anything to pass on in the first place, but if you DO know, then you need to take steps to stop from spreading it to someone else.
Are those steps anything above and beyond standard safe-sex practices?

I really hope this clears up as well as it can for you, Sinuhue.

you're back:)

and you have herpes :(

I'm sorry to hear that. Alot of the new meds are really good at keeping outbreaks supressed, so atleast it won't be bothersome.

Thanks for the articulate and frank enlightenment. I knew about herpes -- my father brought it home to my mother back in the 70s and that started the downward spiral of that relationship.

The toilet seat thing is complete horseshit, and I'm surprised any doctor is still spreading that urban legend. Nothing survives for more than a few minutes on a standard toilet seat -- it's a scare tactic designed to sell more ass gaskets (toilet seat covers) and make the population as a whole more paranoid (a society in fear is easier to manipulate).
I am very upset that the doctor would spread this misinformation...but it isn't the first time I've heard a professional pass on false information. However, a general practitioner is just that...they know a lot of general information about the human body, but are not experts on everything. If you want good information on STDs you need to go to people who deal with them exclusively.

Protection, people, every time (yes, I know, but a high percentage of protection without being 100% is yards better than none). It's just that simple. Failing that, don't have sex. Marriage is not a protection or guarantee.Condoms are essential. As I delved into the sordid background on herpes, I also discovered that STDs such as gonorrhea and syphilis are on the rise again, and they are particularly horrible infections. Condoms are not a guarantee that you will not contract an STD, but they are a good start. While many people use condoms (not as many as should, but oh well), most people haven't the slightest clue as to how to have safe oral sex. Dental dams are not very 'user friendly', not a lot of women like chewing on a condom when giving head. Nontheless...

I remember when I went to a seminar with my mother, who's a nurse - it's a yearly routine for them - and the doctor said, "You could eat off the toilet and not contract many diseases." And this is one of those doctors who I lack a name for, but specialise in that kind of... stuff.
There have been various studies done on public bathrooms (supposedly hotbeds for infection), and none have supported the supposition that you are more likely to contract diseases there. In fact, public bathrooms tend to be sanitised more often than domestic bathrooms. Herpes in particular is very susceptible to temperature changes, and soap and water. You would have to have an open sore and sit down on a toilet seat that someone just got off of with an open sore a scant second ago and EVEN THEN it's not likely.

Are those steps anything above and beyond standard safe-sex practices? Not really. Oral transmission to the genitals is more and more common however, indicating that people are practicing safer genital sex, but not safer oral sex. A bit more education on that kind of safe sex is necessary.

I really hope this clears up as well as it can for you, Sinuhue.Well, once I educated myself more, I lost a lot of the fear and disgust I had as an automatic reaction. I'm fine...better off than some because my partner also has it, and we don't have to worry as much about transmission. You can still pass it on to other parts of the body...but this is rarer, and you basically avoid having sex during an outbreak. Asymptomatic transmission to other parts of the body is nearly impossible if you already have the virus.

you're back:)

and you have herpes :(
That just sounded funny:D

I'm sorry to hear that. Alot of the new meds are really good at keeping outbreaks supressed, so atleast it won't be bothersome.Yes, there are about three main brands of anti-viral medications that can be taken daily as a supressive therapy if you get a lot of outbreaks, and they seem to work well. They are rather expensive however. I'm going to wait to see if I tend to outbreaks, or latency.

I remember that we did an experiment to see where we would gather more bacteria from. The single largest bacterial culture was from the handle of the university toilet. We didn't do the bottom of one's shoe, but I've heard that that's even worse. Nevertheless, I'd think that a doctor would know more than what a university student can gather from a simple biology lab. :p

Yup, it's crazy. Conceptually, I could have Herpes right now, and never know. So could you. I could very well pass it to a partner years from now and never know I had it until she had an outbreak. Tricky business, tracing a dormant, contagious virus.

I'm thinking it'll be one of those things that eventually passes through the whole populace, then it'll fade away for a few thousand years.

I remember that we did an experiment to see where we would gather more bacteria from. The single largest bacterial culture was from the handle of the university toilet. We didn't do the bottom of one's shoe, but I've heard that that's even worse. Nevertheless, I'd think that a doctor would know more than what a university student can gather from a simple biology lab. :p
Well maybe she just didn't want me going home and killing my husband? In that case, she could have told me about latency, and so on...I had to find out myself.

Yup, it's crazy. Conceptually, I could have Herpes right now, and never know. So could you. I could very well pass it to a partner years from now and never know I had it until she had an outbreak. Tricky business, tracing a dormant, contagious virus. Exactly. Just be glad it's a fairly (in perspective) benign virus. If there was another virus that could pass so easily, and remain dormant, but be more life threatening...*shudders* Still...we got this even though we thought we practised safe sex. Safe wasn't safe enough.

I'm thinking it'll be one of those things that eventually passes through the whole populace, then it'll fade away for a few thousand years.Who knows...they aren't working too hard on a vaccine, possibly because it isn't that threatening.

That just sounded funny:D

Yes, there are about three main brands of anti-viral medications that can be taken daily as a supressive therapy if you get a lot of outbreaks, and they seem to work well. They are rather expensive however. I'm going to wait to see if I tend to outbreaks, or latency.
I'm not sure with the herpes meds, but look for generics. I don't know how much of a difference it will make for you up there in the great white north, but down in the states, it can sometimes be hundreds of dollars in savings

And I shouldn't be saying herpes is totally benign. It is particularly dangerous in people with compromised immune systems...including but not restricted to those with HIV/AIDS.

I'm not sure with the herpes meds, but look for generics. I don't know how much of a difference it will make for you up there in the great white north, but down in the states, it can sometimes be hundreds of dollars in savings
Well we do tend to be better for generics than you yanks...but so far, I haven't come across any. I'm still on the lookout though.

I wonder how many people won't click on this thread for fear they'll get herpes:D

Well maybe she just didn't want me going home and killing my husband? In that case, she could have told me about latency, and so on...I had to find out myself.

Have you spoken to your husband about it? If this is too personal, ignore the question.

Nevermind, maybe next time I should read the entire post. :p

eeep - sorry to hear about the herpes. I think I'd freak for a few days if I got it down below. I mean I've had cold sores at various times of my life growing up but that's different.

Can you get herpes 1 in the genital region? oral to genital transmission?

or for that matter can you get herpes 2 in the mouth area?

Well we do tend to be better for generics than you yanks...but so far, I haven't come across any. I'm still on the lookout though.
you with your generics and federal health care...peh!
;)

so what if I'm jealous?

by the way, I just looked at webmd...didn't see any listing of generic valtrex

Have you spoken to your husband about it? If this is too personal, ignore the question.
Oh yes, of course...we've had many long discussions about this. You see, we don't absolutely know for certain that he has it...unless he has a breakout, we WON'T know. He is almost positive he does, however...he's been feeling 'off' since he cheated almost three years ago (long story...we got over it), but the doctors never found anything, and said it was psychological. Now we know it likely WAS herpes, but never with a major outbreak to test. All those tests, and it never came up, so we thought we were safe.

We've had to really educated ourselves on this. Even the STD clinic wasn't very helpful. We wanted to know...can we pass it back and forth reinfecting new areas and getting new outbreaks all over? The answer for the most part is no...we need to avoid sex during outbreaks, but the likelihood of passing herpes to the eye, mouth, or elsewhere, is low as long as we take precautions (always washing our hands, etc).

It also means that we can not be as open in our relationship as we've wanted to be...in terms of other partners I mean...not without full disclosure. I'm not going to hide this from someone and risk infecting them.

More than that, it's forced us to become more educated about all STDs, and about safe sex. I don't want my daughters picking up this sort of thing, and that means educating them too. It makes me even angrier that the anti-sexeducation movement in the US (and also in parts of Canada) are working so hard to keep people ignorant, and in danger. Abstinence? Please.

eeep - sorry to hear about the herpes. I think I'd freak for a few days if I got it down below. I mean I've had cold sores at various times of my life growing up but that's different.

Can you get herpes 1 in the genital region? oral to genital transmission?
YES. If you get cold sores, you've likely got herpes simplex 1. There are a few other infections you can have, usually inside the mouth, or at the very edges of your mouth that aren't herpes, but herpes cold sores are generally found right where the lip joins the skin of the face. Many, many people have this, and don't realise it's herpes, and yes, it can be passed to the genitals. I have herpes simplex 1 of the genitals, but not in the mouth.

The next time you get a cold sore, get it swabbed. They may be able to tell you if it is herpes...but again, beware...many times a false negative is the result.

YES. If you get cold sores, you've likely got herpes simplex 1. There are a few other infections you can have, usually inside the mouth, or at the very edges of your mouth that aren't herpes, but herpes cold sores are generally found right where the lip joins the skin of the face. Many, many people have this, and don't realise it's herpes, and yes, it can be passed to the genitals. I have herpes simplex 1 of the genitals, but not in the mouth.

The next time you get a cold sore, get it swabbed. They may be able to tell you if it is herpes...but again, beware...many times a false negative is the result.


okay I see.... I dont think I've ever had those sores outside of my mouth. They've always been inside.

how do you know if its 1 or 2 on the genitals? because of the way it is showing or other?

The only way to know if it is 1 or 2 is to have the sore swabbed and tested. The type doesn't matter that much, but 1 tends to like the mouth better, and 2 likes the genitals better. Either way, you can get 1 or 2 in either the mouth or the genitals. There is some evidence that having herpes simplex 1 gives you a slight immunity (not total) to contracting herpes simplex 2, but that isn't completely confirmed. You can actually have BOTH types, so just because you have one, doesn't mean you won't get the other. Women are also at a higher risk of infection, meaning a woman will be more likely to contract the virus from an infected partner than a man would from an infected partner.

The only way to know if it is 1 or 2 is to have the sore swabbed and tested. The type doesn't matter that much, but 1 tends to like the mouth better, and 2 likes the genitals better. Either way, you can get 1 or 2 in either the mouth or the genitals. There is some evidence that having herpes simplex 1 gives you a slight immunity (not total) to contracting herpes simplex 2, but that isn't completely confirmed. You can actually have BOTH types, so just because you have one, doesn't mean you won't get the other. Women are also at a higher risk of infection, meaning a woman will be more likely to contract the virus from an infected partner than a man would from an infected partner.

Are sores all the infected person has to worry about (besides passing it on to others that is)?
Or are there other health risks involved?

The toilet seat thing is complete horseshit, and I'm surprised any doctor is still spreading that urban legend.

The OP did say "theoretically possible", which is certainly true. That's why doctors tell herpes patients not to use the same towel on their faces as their crotches.

Because it does pop up once in a while, even if it's 'dormant' for a long period of time.

But there's nothing we can do about that. That's what I got from the OP. Herpes is bad, but you can't do anything to stop it. So why should we care?

Are sores all the infected person has to worry about (besides passing it on to others that is)?
Or are there other health risks involved?
Not generally. Again, in people with compromised immune systems, it can be very dangerous. Occular herpes can cause blindness if left untreated (so wash your hands after touching yourselves kiddies!). There are rare instances where it can become serious, but if you know you have it, and let your doctor know when going in for checkups, you can keep on top of things.

For some people, the outbreaks are severe and often. For others, they are mostly latent. It really depends on the person. For the most part, the sores are the biggest concern.

But there's nothing we can do about that. That's what I got from the OP. Herpes is bad, but you can't do anything to stop it. So why should we care?
Nooooo....you CAN stop transmission, even if you aren't aware that you have it and need to stop from transmitting it. Safe sex, while not 100% perfect, is your best bet. That, and being aware of your body. Many people have mild outbreaks of herpes and don't even realise that something out of the ordinary is happening. Many people with cold sores don't think they have herpes. These are thing worth following up on.

I wonder how many people won't click on this thread for fear they'll get herpes:D

herpes is the main reason for my advanced washroom hygiene and hand washing/avoidance of obvious risks. I wash after hand shakes and dont touch anything in between.

kuhl, well thanks for the info. Every STD test I have had has snown me to be clean as a whistle and I've done the hardcore one where they stick a swab in my urethra (OUCH!) but still I don't take any chances, except probably with oral sex on third parties eh?

herpes is the main reason for my advanced washroom hygiene and hand washing/avoidance of obvious risks. I wash after hand shakes and dont touch anything in between.
Well, it's a good idea anyway, to avoid other viruses such as colds and flus. Not enough people wash their hands, and not enough do it properly. At work, there was enough concern about the flu (because of immune compromised colleagues), that we were given hand-washing tutorials (I kid you not), and told to open the bathroom doors with our shoulders (no handles) not our hands, and on the way out, to open the door with a paper cloth if we were going to use our hands and toss the garbage in a bin outside the bathroom.

It may sound paranoid, but then again, cleanliness is next to healthiness.

kuhl, well thanks for the info. Every STD test I have had has snown me to be clean as a whistle and I've done the hardcore one where they stick a swab in my urethra (OUCH!) but still I don't take any chances, except probably with oral sex on third parties eh?
I know...I get tested often, sometimes more than once a year, and so does my husband...but this never showed up. Oral sex is a real concern...right now, I don't have oral herpes, and I'd like to keep it that way, but again...chewing on condoms or using dental dams...not fun...I'm a bit torn up about that aspect :(

You should consider yourself lucky. I've seen the comercials -- people with herpes get to do all sorts of fun stuff, like mountain climbing, swimming in exotic places and walking on beaches.

Well, it's a good idea anyway, to avoid other viruses such as colds and flus. Not enough people wash their hands, and not enough do it properly. At work, there was enough concern about the flu (because of immune compromised colleagues), that we were given hand-washing tutorials (I kid you not), and told to open the bathroom doors with our shoulders (no handles) not our hands, and on the way out, to open the door with a paper cloth if we were going to use our hands and toss the garbage in a bin outside the bathroom.

It may sound paranoid, but then again, cleanliness is next to healthiness.

Sin-with the places I've been, things I've done and people I've associated with its a miracle I dont have a full menu of microbial maladys.
I can only attribute it to luck and dilligence.

Its second nature with me for a long time now and its not like you'd notice me avoiding door handles, etc... I'm pretty smooth and dont fit the "germophobe" stereotype at all.

I count everything and dont step on cracks either.

kuhl, well thanks for the info. Every STD test I have had has snown me to be clean as a whistle and I've done the hardcore one where they stick a swab in my urethra (OUCH!) but still I don't take any chances, except probably with oral sex on third parties eh?

the swab in the urethra is to test your gag reflex.

reading that just tested mine.

You should consider yourself lucky. I've seen the comercials -- people with herpes get to do all sorts of fun stuff, like mountain climbing, swimming in exotic places and walking on beaches.
Hahahahahahaaaa! No doubt! I've noticed the commercials now too...though they don't ever mention herpes, just the anti-virals..but yes! It's true...I've been skydying and underwater basket weaving since my diagnosis!

You should consider yourself lucky. I've seen the comercials -- people with herpes get to do all sorts of fun stuff, like mountain climbing, swimming in exotic places and walking on beaches.


that was for genital herpes? I thought it was for Allegra ?

Ask your doctor about....


"Hey doc, I want that stuff that will have me back out windsurfing in amber waves of grain in no time."

I count everything and dont step on cracks either.
OCD? It suits...

Count everything?

Even strokes?

Interesting..what's an average?:D

I know...I get tested often, sometimes more than once a year, and so does my husband...but this never showed up. Oral sex is a real concern...right now, I don't have oral herpes, and I'd like to keep it that way, but again...chewing on condoms or using dental dams...not fun...I'm a bit torn up about that aspect :(


I don't think I can give up oral. :(

Chewing on condoms is pointless for both parties involved.

OCD? It suits...

Count everything?

Even strokes?

Interesting..what's an average?:D

I dont know if you could call it that because months will pass without me doing it.
Its like drinking. I'll have no desire for it-beer, booze, whatever and then I'll drink three six packs in an afternoon.

I think maybe one of my personalities may have it ?

Strokes ? You've got me there-if I ever started counting, I've been distracted and lost count. Its high though. Really high.
I first read about kegels 15 years ago. I'm pretty much in charge for the most part, if you know what I mean.

And on that note- I do highly reccommend kegel excercises to all interested men-and women.

men can do kegels? maybe I don't know what kegels are then, like I once thought.

I don't think I can give up oral. :(

Chewing on condoms is pointless for both parties involved.
I know :( Well, you're reasonably safe as long as the other person isn't having an outbreak (assuming you don't have oral herpes and are having an outbreak), but it's not a 100%. Which is why honesty is important (but tough...I mean, telling YOU guys this is one thing...but telling a potential partner...yikes...I'm still not over the 'gross!' reaction myself:()

men can do kegels? maybe I don't know what kegels are then, like I once thought.

Yes- flex the muscle that controls your stream, in the bottom of your pelvis. After a short while, you'll be doing repetitions without even thinking about it.
And it wont be long before you find your able to significantly delay the inevitable-at will.

That'll make you like some sort of hero, believe me.

Yes- flex the muscle that controls your stream, in the bottom of your pelvis. After a short while, you'll be doing repetitions without even thinking about it.
And it wont be long before you find your able to significantly delay the inevitable-at will.

That'll make you like some sort of hero, believe me.
Man, do I feel like I've just done a time travel:

The 1st time I ever heard of "kegel" was in a thread with Sin and you. http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/G-eek.gifhttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/G-tongue.gifhttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/german.gif

I know :( Well, you're reasonably safe as long as the other person isn't having an outbreak (assuming you don't have oral herpes and are having an outbreak), but it's not a 100%. Which is why honesty is important (but tough...I mean, telling YOU guys this is one thing...but telling a potential partner...yikes...I'm still not over the 'gross!' reaction myself:()


Yeah it's a tough situation.

I wonder if the doctor was purposefully mis-informing so as to not cause marital problems...so anyway, your husband did cheat on you?

Man, do I feel like I've just done a time travel:

The 1st time I ever heard of "kegel" was in a thread with Sin and you. http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/G-eek.gifhttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/G-tongue.gifhttp://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/german.gif


Thats funny- I dont even recall it. Hope it helped you one way or another.

But hey- if I can satisfy another woman-even if its through another man, thats a small success, right?

Yes- flex the muscle that controls your stream, in the bottom of your pelvis. After a short while, you'll be doing repetitions without even thinking about it.
And it wont be long before you find your able to significantly delay the inevitable-at will.

That'll make you like some sort of hero, believe me.


lol - I'm already my own hero for getting any at all. I'm also jealous of myself for getting two hawt women at once and making them both happy before getting happy myself. I just might try that kegel thing anyway... I have an interesting weekend coming up. :cool:

men can do kegels? maybe I don't know what kegels are then, like I once thought.

Look it up. Once you can isolate and flex that muscle, its simple.

And the benefits are huge.

Dont shirk you duties there and chance ME meeting your delicious bride and teaching her about them.

Thats funny- I dont even recall it. Hope it helped you one way or another.

But hey- if I can satisfy another woman-even if its through another man, thats a small success, right?
Abso-fucking-lutely. Question is: Where's that women at right now? I haven't had a chance to put that into action ever since... :( ;)

From what I know, I always figured one could get herpes by sharing glasses/beer bottles/cigarettes (among other things...)

So, why really worry. I believe that the herpes virus is almost as old as we (as a species) are?

lol - I'm already my own hero for getting any at all. I'm also jealous of myself for getting two hawt women at once and making them both happy before getting happy myself. I just might try that kegel thing anyway... I have an interesting weekend coming up. :cool:

This will all but eliminate any performance anxiety that would normally occur when you're with two women.
Try two multi-orgasmic women. I should have been beating my chest like Tarzan.

You'll be that guy in the neighborhood that all the women smile and wave and then linger as you pass.

I wonder if the doctor was purposefully mis-informing so as to not cause marital problems... That is my suspicion...so anyway, your husband did cheat on you?Yes, three years ago...no, four now. Gave me a treatable STD then too. Funny...I never got an STD until I got 'married'....

But, this was a time when we weren't being very honest with one another, and I was pretty close to being the cheater...so.

Look it up. Once you can isolate and flex that muscle, its simple.

And the benefits are huge.

Dont shirk you duties there and chance ME meeting your delicious bride and teaching her about them.


hehehe - Well I've never dissapointed her and don't plan on it in the future. Still I think I will look it up and practice it because I'm all about making a great sex life even better.

lol - I'm already my own hero for getting any at all. I'm also jealous of myself for getting two hawt women at once and making them both happy before getting happy myself. I just might try that kegel thing anyway... I have an interesting weekend coming up. :cool:
I require pictures. And video, with sound.

Abso-fucking-lutely. Question is: Where's that women at right now? I haven't had a chance to put that into action ever since... :( ;)

From what I know, I always figured one could get herpes by sharing glasses/beer bottles/cigarettes (among other things...)

So, why really worry. I believe that the herpes virus is almost as old as we (as a species) are?


get her back and put it into action. She wont dissapear again.

This will all but eliminate any performance anxiety that would normally occur when you're with two women.
Try two multi-orgasmic women. I should have been beating my chest like Tarzan.

You'll be that guy in the neighborhood that all the women smile and wave and then linger as you pass.

Performance anxiety? Whats that? :cool:

Not sure if I want the women in my neighborhood lusting for me *G*

I wash after hand shakes and dont touch anything in between.

That's probably a bit OCD actually...though I occasionally do it if I shake hands with someone unsavory. :p

I require pictures. And video, with sound.

Trust me I will be takign my digital camera (which takes shitty video but video nonetheless) and getting all the shots I can in (meant to be taken a couple of different ways).

I also have a video we just made and some sexy shots in Europe that I will send to your email or whatever if you like.

hehehe - Well I've never dissapointed her and don't plan on it in the future. Still I think I will look it up and practice it because I'm all about making a great sex life even better.


I'm glad to hear it. Kegels are so simple and the rewards are great.

I may be mistaken, but they may help keep the plumbing healthy,including the prostate, so there are other benefits as well.

Teach your wife too-they a great for women's sexual health/pleasure too.

I'm glad to hear it. Kegels are so simple and the rewards are great.

I may be mistaken, but they may help keep the plumbing healthy,including the prostate, so there are other benefits as well.

Teach your wife too-they a great for women's sexual health/pleasure too.


kuhl! I thik I will.

From what I know, I always figured one could get herpes by sharing glasses/beer bottles/cigarettes (among other things...) Not too likely really. Skin on skin contact is necessary in all but the most bizarre of cases.

So, why really worry. I believe that the herpes virus is almost as old as we (as a species) are?
Still, there is a lot of stigma surrounding it, since it is an STD.

Oddly enough, someone sent me a joke that was a bit fitting....

A beautiful woman goes to the doctor for a checkup. He takes one look at her and his professional ethics go flying out the window. He tells her to strip and lay down on the table. He begins caressing her and kneading her buttocks. He asks, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she answers, "you are checking for dermatological abrasions."

He begins kneading her breasts and says, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you are checking my breasts for lumps."

The doctor disrobes and mounts her, panting, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replies, "getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place!"

Isn't not the disease which is seemingly treated by going handgliding whilst putting cream on your knackers, is it?

If so - oh well. Can't do much about it.

Trust me I will be takign my digital camera (which takes shitty video but video nonetheless) and getting all the shots I can in (meant to be taken a couple of different ways).

I also have a video we just made and some sexy shots in Europe that I will send to your email or whatever if you like.
I will TG you immediately with my email!

You should consider yourself lucky. I've seen the comercials -- people with herpes get to do all sorts of fun stuff, like mountain climbing, swimming in exotic places and walking on beaches.

ROFLMAO!

OK, that was really funny. :p

That's probably a bit OCD actually...though I occasionally do it if I shake hands with someone unsavory. :p


I look at it this way- even people that appear clean might skip washing after they use the bathroom, for whatever reason.

Shaking an unwashed hand ? You may as shake his bare penis or wipe his ass with your hand.

its working for me so far. if the OCD tendencies help me, I dont feel they're all that bad.

Performance anxiety? Whats that? :cool:

Not sure if I want the women in my neighborhood lusting for me *G*


*L* Yeah,but-I've found that even when homely women flirt with me, it drives my wife's lust through the roof.

Its when the really hot ones flirt with me that she gets mad and I wnd up on the bottom.

:p

I will TG you immediately with my email!

Okay but I dont have the pics and vids on me right now so I'll send them Tuesday.

Yes- flex the muscle that controls your stream, in the bottom of your pelvis. After a short while, you'll be doing repetitions without even thinking about it.
And it wont be long before you find your able to significantly delay the inevitable-at will.



What what what? What is this you are talking about? I can't seem to delay the inevitable sometimes. :( I guess if we are talking about the same inevitable.

Unless I'm on something, but if I'm stone cold sober I seem to have troubles with this.

*L* Yeah,but-I've found that even when homely women flirt with me, it drives my wife's lust through the roof.

Its when the really hot ones flirt with me that she gets mad and I wnd up on the bottom.

:p
Yikes...I thought I was the only one who got aggressive in that situation...especially when it was clear the 'hot one' wasn't wanting to share. Bitches! GET ON YOUR BACK, MAN!!!!

*L* Yeah,but-I've found that even when homely women flirt with me, it drives my wife's lust through the roof.

Its when the really hot ones flirt with me that she gets mad and I wnd up on the bottom.

:p

lol - I see where you are coming from. Although my wife would probably try to get me to convince teh hot ones to come home with us.

Not too likely really. Skin on skin contact is necessary in all but the most bizarre of cases.


Still, there is a lot of stigma surrounding it, since it is an STD.

Oddly enough, someone sent me a joke that was a bit fitting....

A beautiful woman goes to the doctor for a checkup. He takes one look at her and his professional ethics go flying out the window. He tells her to strip and lay down on the table. He begins caressing her and kneading her buttocks. He asks, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she answers, "you are checking for dermatological abrasions."

He begins kneading her breasts and says, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you are checking my breasts for lumps."

The doctor disrobes and mounts her, panting, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replies, "getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place!"

OK, heh, that's a good sign that you are able to joke about it, so here's another one...very very old so you may have heard it:

What's the difference between love and herpes?







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Herpes is forever. :D

Okay but I dont have the pics and vids on me right now so I'll send them Tuesday.
*pines*
Okay:(
:D

Yikes...I thought I was the only one who got aggressive in that situation...especially when it was clear the 'hot one' wasn't wanting to share. Bitches! GET ON YOUR BACK, MAN!!!!


I dont mind, really-I just have to make sure she doesnt lean back too far.

thats when the kegels come in handy-bringing her back to a 90 degree position with no hands.

:D

get her back and put it into action. She wont dissapear again.
Hell no! There's a good reason I disappeared her. (That didn't sound right. Why I dumbed her. She's still around somewhere and she even contacted me the other month... *shudders* No. I'll wait and put the kegel-action into another, more worthy partner!)

Not too likely really. Skin on skin contact is necessary in all but the most bizarre of cases.
Still, there is a lot of stigma surrounding it, since it is an STD.

That joke's great!

So, the old rule still applies (aside the really bad STDs) - if it looks or smells funny, don't kiss it :D

OK, heh, that's a good sign that you are able to joke about it,
Hehehe...good one:)

lol - I see where you are coming from. Although my wife would probably try to get me to convince teh hot ones to come home with us.


Someday...I've been propositioning fresh young pink things for a few years now, only to get shot down by the wife.

Its ok. Anticipation is agood as thing..

I dont mind, really-I just have to make sure she doesnt lean back too far. That's a bit painful for us too...though moreso for you I'm sure. Simulating the dominant missionary position (man spreads his legs, woman in between) can be nice, but also dangerous...

thats when the kegels come in handy-bringing her back to a 90 degree position with no hands.

:DGood to see things haven't changed around here!

GET ON YOUR BACK, MAN!!!!
If only every women knew this to be good...

That's a bit painful for us too...though moreso for you I'm sure. Simulating the dominant missionary position (man spreads his legs, woman in between) can be nice, but also dangerous...

Good to see things haven't changed around here!


kegels can also increase velocity.

And thats how I get her off of me with no hands when I'm done.



:p

Someday...I've been propositioning fresh young pink things for a few years now, only to get shot down by the wife.

Its ok. Anticipation is agood as thing..
Well, I know in my case, I had to really be attracted to the woman first, and there aren't as many women that get to me that way as men, so it was tough...but I notice I'm less picky now because I'm less hesitant...

Sin, have you seen Priscilla - Queen of the desert? I think you once told me you have. If so, you know exactly what scene from that film I'm thinking of right now. :p

kegels can also increase velocity.

And thats how I get her off of me with no hands when I'm done.

:p
At this point I wish I had known about kegels 11 years ago, 'cause one time, in America, the phone rang while, you know, and she bent backwards to answer it - it was her mom - while I was frantically trying to signal her that things don't bend that way.

What I've learned from that? Cell phones are it! (Which didn't really exist back then. Hell, we didn't even have the internet!) :D
(Anyway, couldn't really keep her from answering the phone 'cause we didn't want her mom to become suspecious etc.)

So meh. Still fully functional but not enough practice. :D

Sin, have you seen Priscilla - Queen of the desert? I think you once told me you have. If so, you know exactly what scene from that film I'm thinking of right now. :p
It took me a few moments...and then ping pong balls came shooting out of nowhere!!!!:D

At this point I wish I had known about kegels 11 years ago, 'cause one time, in America, the phone rang while, you know, and she bent backwards to answer it - it was her mom - while I was frantically trying to signal her that things don't bend that way.

What I've learned from that? Cell phones are it! (Which didn't really exist back then. Hell, we didn't even have the internet!) :D
(Anyway, couldn't really keep her from answering the phone 'cause we didn't want her mom to become suspecious etc.)

So meh. Still fully functional but not enough practice. :D


The proper phone to use while banging? Cmon, man! I cant stand people that use cel phones while driving or walking down the street.

Shut up and fuck, for crying out loud!!!

Imagine that guy with a girl on his face- "Can you hear me now?"

It took me a few moments...and then ping pong balls came shooting out of nowhere!!!!:D

I was thinking more of the dog scene, but that one is close!

I was thinking more of the dog scene, but that one is close!
Heheheheheheee...it was the word velocity that sparked that image:)

The proper phone to use while banging? Cmon, man! I cant stand people that use cel phones while driving or walking down the street.

Shut up and fuck, for crying out loud!!!

Imagine that guy with a girl on his face- "Can you hear me now?"
Different time back then, man, different time.
I wouldn't have gone near that fucking phone - but I was giving her some "extra help" in math or something... No reason not to answer the phone...

So. A recent crisis of mine played out in nightmarish fashion...I went in to the doctor's for what I thought was something benign, though irritating, and found out I had herpes. HERPES!!! I was in shock! I started bawling my eyes out, because of course, the first thing that popped into my head was, "My husband cheated on me!"

The doctor consoled me with, "well, it's theoretically possible to contract the herpes virus from a toilet seat...so don't assume infidelity." I consider myself pretty educated on STDs (or STIs as they're now called), and I knew damn well there is no evidence to back this particular claim up.

What I didn't know was that despite my belief in my own education, I was sorely undereducated about herpes.

It's estimated that 1 in 5 males, and 1 in 4 females (as females are more prone to infection) have herpes, of the oral, or genital variety. Further, it is estimated that about 90% of people infected with herpes have no idea they have it. Part of the reason for this is that herpes can remain latent for long periods of time, without an outbreak...and unless you have an active outbreak, there is almost no way to accurately determine whether you are positive or negative for herpes.

Read that again. You can go in for routine STD testing and never find out you have herpes. There is something called a Western blot test, which is an expensive testing procedure not normally carried out by STD clinics. However, even this test is likely to return false negatives.

Herpes is fairly delicate and doesn't live long outside the body. It is passed from skin on skin contact...not via toilet seats, or even towels (though it's theoretically possible, there have been no proven cases of these kinds of transmissions). Herpes enters through the skin, and likes areas of skin that are thinner, like the mucous membranes.

My husband and I are fairly certain where he picked up this particular infection, and it was from an encounter a couple of years ago. My symptoms were likely a primary outbreak, meaning that I had just become infected, and hadn't carried it previously. He's never had any symptoms himself, but I've since learned that herpes can be passed on even when there are no symptoms of an outbreak. This means, there is NO safe time to have sex with someone with herpes. Nonetheless, we have no real way of knowing if I was the primary carrier or if it really was my husband. For all we know, I could have got the virus before I met him, and only now had an outbreak.

There are many herpes viruses. Chicken pox is one of them. That doesn't mean that if you had chicken pox, that you have herpes, but it does mean you are more susceptible to the virus. Many children are infected with herpes simplex 1 (often called oral herpes, but this is a misnomer as I'll explain in a moment) when they are kissed by a relative with a cold sore. Genital herpes is usually caused by herpes simplex 2. However, there more and more cases of herpes simplex 1 found in the genitals...which is the case with us. Lovely, isn't it?

So what does it mean to have herpes? It's not life threatening, and for most people, it's not even particularly uncomfortable. Again, most people don't even know they have it. The primary outbreak, or first sign of symptoms can be pretty severe, with blistering and irritation. Antiviral medication such as Valtrex is generally prescribed during an outbreak. It doesn't stop the outbreak, or cure herpes (nothing does), but it helps you recover more quickly. If you have more outbreaks (some never do), they will never again be as severe as that first one. After a while, your body builds up enough immunity to suppress most reoccurrences...but you are more susceptible to outbreaks when you are worn down...just as you are to other viruses, like colds.

In any case, what this has taught me is that getting herpes is extremely easy...you have absolutely no way of knowing for sure that your partner does NOT have herpes, even if they get regular testing. It can be passed to you even when your partner has no symptoms. It is for life, there is no cure. However, aside from disgusting pictures in sex-ed class, most of us know too little about it, and how to prevent getting it.

Any questions?

I also have herpes. The person I got it from learned that she had it from my almost immediate outbreak. I was initially very angry at her, but that faded when I realized that was simply as unlucky as I was.

I got it New Years, 2004, and fortunately I haven't had an uncomfortable outbreak since the first.

I also have herpes. The person I got it from learned that she had it from my almost immediate outbreak. I was initially very angry at her, but that faded when I realized that was simply as unlucky as I was.

I got it New Years, 2004, and fortunately I haven't had an uncomfortable outbreak since the first.
Thanks, Vitt...you're the first person who has admitted that they also have it.

I was very angry too, but I realised that it just as easily could have been me who got it previously and passed it on after all these years. The more I find out about it, and the more I realise how many people have it, the more I wonder why it's so hush hush...well, it could be a lot worse. I'm hoping I tend to latency, for comfort's sake.

Thanks, Vitt...you're the first person who has admitted that they also have it.

The stigma it has really makes it difficult to admit to. Only a few of my good friends and my mother know I have it. I am not ashamed of it, but I won't allow it to give people the wrong notion about me.

That 90% would drop dramatically if people would stop looking at herpes as a shameful thing.

I was very angry too, but I realised that it just as easily could have been me who got it previously and passed it on after all these years. The more I find out about it, and the more I realise how many people have it, the more I wonder why it's so hush hush...well, it could be a lot worse. I'm hoping I tend to latency, for comfort's sake.

I asked for previous partners to get tested and the girl before this one was clean, so I know exactly where it came from, but it would have been entirely possible for me to have given it to her, as I hadn't gotten tested for it.

Oh, and by the way...oral herpes (cold sores) are even more common than genital herpes. Estimates in most Western nations are at about 80% of adults.

The stigma it has really makes it difficult to admit to. Only a few of my good friends and my mother know I have it. I am not ashamed of it, but I won't allow it to give people the wrong notion about me. Yes, I've made the same decision. I'm not going to broadcast it out at inopportune moments, but I've already shut down a herpes joke with some factual information, and I'm not about to hide it like I'm ashamed. If I were still in the classroom, I'd be making a big deal about kicking sex-ed 'up a notch'...and of course, all partners will be informed (past and present...past being slightly harder, but oh well, suck it up).

That 90% would drop dramatically if people would stop looking at herpes as a shameful thing. Behind that is the idea that sex is a shameful thing. Other viruses don't get the bad rap herpes has, but you can pass the flue, or colds during sex as well...

Yes, I've made the same decision. I'm not going to broadcast it out at inopportune moments, but I've already shut down a herpes joke with some factual information, and I'm not about to hide it like I'm ashamed. If I were still in the classroom, I'd be making a big deal about kicking sex-ed 'up a notch'...and of course, all partners will be informed (past and present...past being slightly harder, but oh well, suck it up).

Potential partners is the category that is difficult for me.

I was blessed in finding out that I had it and educating myself within a couple weeks of actually getting it, but I know that most others are not as educated as I am.

Behind that is the idea that sex is a shameful thing. Other viruses don't get the bad rap herpes has, but you can pass the flue, or colds during sex as well...

That is why I started getting flu shots. Sex can never be too safe, you know.

Potential partners is the category that is difficult for me.

I was blessed in finding out that I had it and educating myself within a couple weeks of actually getting it, but I know that most others are not as educated as I am. Yes...the casual partner is not likely to be that understanding, unless they've had some experience in this regard. I know, pre-herpes, had a partner told us he/she had herpes, I would have declined unless they were strong enough to explain it more...I have the security of already having a long-term partner, so any rejection is not going to be very painful, but still. Finding the time to bring it up...dealing with the other person's reaction...not a pleasant thing.

That is why I started getting flu shots. Sex can never be too safe, you know.
That's a good point.

yeah talking about herpes to a potential partner does sound like quite the mood killer

That's a good point.

It was a joke.

It was a joke.
No, really...I never get the flu shot because I generally don't come into that close of contact with people...except in that particular situation...so yeah.

yeah talking about herpes to a potential partner does sound like quite the mood killer
Well I've actually already told someone who is a potential partner...we'd already been flirting and I generally have to talk to someone beforehand anyway to explain the situation to them (no, I won't be sneaking around with you, these are the terms etc) anyway. I'm not in the situation for one-night-stand-just-met-you casual sex anymore, so one more thing to bring up isn't as tough. The person I told was fine with it...asked a few questions and then said, "So when do I get to taste the merchandise." I have to admit, I was pleased with the nonchalant reaction:)

Well I've actually already told someone who is a potential partner...we'd already been flirting and I generally have to talk to someone beforehand anyway to explain the situation to them (no, I won't be sneaking around with you, these are the terms etc) anyway. I'm not in the situation for one-night-stand-just-met-you casual sex anymore, so one more thing to bring up isn't as tough. The person I told was fine with it...asked a few questions and then said, "So when do I get to taste the merchandise." I have to admit, I was pleased with the nonchalant reaction:)
Mmh. Funny I can't remember anything of that conversation!

I'm not in the situation for one-night-stand-just-met-you casual sex anymore, so one more thing to bring up isn't as tough.

You just lost the space as my first pick should I ever falter again.

You just lost the space as my first pick should I ever falter again.
Two things:

1) I one-night-stand-just-met-you-sex with complete strangers...you don't count as such. One-night-stand-sex with you would still be on the table.

2) Again?????? DETAILS!!!!

Mmh. Funny I can't remember anything of that conversation!
Heheheheheheee

Heheheheheheee
;)
http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/handkuss.gif

(http://smilies.vidahost.com/cwm/3dlil/la.gif)

Two things:

1) I one-night-stand-just-met-you-sex with complete strangers...you don't count as such. One-night-stand-sex with you would still be on the table.

Bad experiences with IKEA furniture, I prefer shags.

2) Again?????? DETAILS!!!!

Oh, drunken teenage moments, attempts at suppression, mental splints...

Well I've actually already told someone who is a potential partner...we'd already been flirting and I generally have to talk to someone beforehand anyway to explain the situation to them (no, I won't be sneaking around with you, these are the terms etc) anyway. I'm not in the situation for one-night-stand-just-met-you casual sex anymore, so one more thing to bring up isn't as tough. The person I told was fine with it...asked a few questions and then said, "So when do I get to taste the merchandise." I have to admit, I was pleased with the nonchalant reaction:)


Ah marvelous. Yeah I wouldnt mind letting you use my tongue as your personal slip-n-slide

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060526/ap_on_he_me/shingles_vaccine

FDA approved a new shingles vaccine today! thought this was a good place to share it.
Seems there shoudl be a herpes vaccine if we can isolate the virus.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060526/ap_on_he_me/shingles_vaccine

FDA approved a new shingles vaccine today! thought this was a good place to share it.
Seems there shoudl be a herpes vaccine if we can isolate the virus.
Yay! They developed the vaccine for chicken pox and it works well...there is hope...

Ah marvelous. Yeah I wouldnt mind letting you use my tongue as your personal slip-n-slide
Talk about sounding marvelous!

Yay! They developed the vaccine for chicken pox and it works well...there is hope...


They also recently developed vaccines for 4 different HPV's

Talk about sounding marvelous!

indeed!

They also recently developed vaccines for 4 different HPV's
Now THAT's an important one, since HPV is linked to cervical cancer.

Now THAT's an important one, since HPV is linked to cervical cancer.

exactly! and I know someone with genital herpes and worry about her because of that link.

exactly! and I know someone with genital herpes and worry about her because of that link.
Nuh-uh...HPV is not genital herpes, and the two are not linked. However, HPV is also one of those STDs that doesn't show up in regular testing, which is why ALL women who have ever been sexually active need to get an annual pap test. Cervical cancer, thankfully, can be treated quite effectively if caught early enough.

Nuh-uh...HPV is not genital herpes, and the two are not linked. However, HPV is also one of those STDs that doesn't show up in regular testing, which is why ALL women who have ever been sexually active need to get an annual pap test. Cervical cancer, thankfully, can be treated quite effectively if caught early enough.

I mistyped.. I meant genital warts

I mistyped.. I meant genital warts
Ah...got it:)