NationStates Jolt Archive

Meant to post this last night... mehness

I know that my threads are usually pretty bad when they have to do with myself, so if you have read them before and disliked them, you might want to veer clear.

I just want to know whats wrong with me(pr more some advice/answers to the problems below). To give a summary, I've known this girl nichole for about 8 months(the school year so far). She hung out in the same group as me, and was always pretty cool. Both of my best friends were interested in her(as well as a large portion of guys who knew her). She rejected one of my best friends, the other never really made a move on her. She was engaged to one guy, and going out with another at the same time.

Fastforward a bit. I go after one of her best friends, not in our group. I get rejected, after being led on a bit by her. She tells me she's not over her ex, then gets a different guy about a month later.

At the same time I was getting close to her, I was getting closer to Nichole. Every time we hung out not at school, we would get closer.

Senior prom, my date flakes out(I should have known, knowing the girl... but she was too hot to not go after). I ask nichole on short notice(few days before), and she is completely cool with going. We get everything together, and go.

This is where things really started between us. We kissed, basically on accident in the car, and then just kinda went with it the rest of the night, kissing a bit at prom, and a good deal more during the ride home.

Well, now we are basically dating. Hang out together at school whenever possible, hug and kiss when we leave each other, and whatnot.

And before I forget, both of my friends are supportive of me being with her. The one who got rejected is really, really bad with girls, and goes after a crap load of girls with no success. I would never date if I didn't go after girls he'd failed with.

Problems...

1. She is dating another guy too right now. She was dating him first, by a number of weeks. Not that I care about him, but knowing her, I'm not sure if she will break up with him, or even worse, go after other guys while I'm with her.

2. Her best two friends don't really seem supportive of us being together. One pulled me aside, asked me a few questions about what happened when we first got together, and got pretty pissed when I answered. Nichole got pissed at her for getting mad at the situation... Don't even know what to think.

3. Just a general self-esteem issue. I've been trying so hard to raise my self esteem since the beginning of the year, and to others, its working... but not to myself. I'm incredibly afraid she is going to stop being interested in me, or I will do something wrong, etc. I'm also afraid of being too submissive or IW.

4. I can't get her off my mind, despite all these problems. She's the number one thing on my mind recently. She has a really bad past, which she's told me about, and she has emotional problems, etc. It tears me apart to see her hurting, which is alot of the time, and I can only help her so much.

5. I can barely see her. I see her at school, but otherwise, not really. She is indefidentally grounded for failing a class.

One last thing. She's the closest thing I've really had to a girlfriend, which I know is sad.

I wish you luck. (tho it seems you already have had better luck than me.)

I wish you luck. (tho it seems you already have had better luck than me.)

Aye, what this guy said. Better than I've ever done, but I wish you well all the same.

I am by no means an authority on the subject, but here's what I'd say to your problems...

1. I wouldn't be too worried about this one. If you were friends for a long time before, there's probably something there that there never was with other guy dude.

2. There's really nothing you can do about them, except try not to make too many sudden moves that might get them more riled up (avoid PDAs, etc.)

3. Reasonable and normal fears. Just try to be a little more assertive. A large percentage of the things we worry about never happen anyway.

4. Can she get, or is she getting, psychiatric help? That's always a start. Just make sure she knows you're there for her.

5. Nothing you can do here.

Well, best of luck...

You need to A) Tell her to see a psyco-therapist, because SHE has self esteem issues if she has to go out with more than one guy at a time. Or B) Dump her. You are letting your low self esteem get in the way of your life. If she cant handle a monogamous relationship, it would not benefit you to persue her.
PS: You might want counceling, too, for your self esteem issues.

I am by no means an authority on the subject, but here's what I'd say to your problems...

1. I wouldn't be too worried about this one. If you were friends for a long time before, there's probably something there that there never was with other guy dude.

2. There's really nothing you can do about them, except try not to make too many sudden moves that might get them more riled up (avoid PDAs, etc.)

3. Reasonable and normal fears. Just try to be a little more assertive. A large percentage of the things we worry about never happen anyway.

4. Can she get, or is she getting, psychiatric help? That's always a start. Just make sure she knows you're there for her.

5. Nothing you can do here.

Well, best of luck...

1. Yes, it does seem to be a bit this way... She's stopped posting pretty much anything related to her other guy on her myspace(which she had been doing for a while before), and everything recently seems to revolve around us.

2. I suppose. They seem to be mellowing out, though. Nichole probably gave them a "talk".

3. I know, but still. Im just always the quiet one around most people, talking little, etc. I hate it, too, but I cant seem to change anything.

4. She has a therapist. She knows I'm here for her. She's really opened up to me the last week, I can only hope I'm helping at least a little.

5. Aye, which sucks. Worse yet, she's leaving for a week... Dunno what I'm gonna do without her, lol.

You need to A) Tell her to see a psyco-therapist, because SHE has self esteem issues if she has to go out with more than one guy at a time. Or B) Dump her. You are letting your low self esteem get in the way of your life. If she cant handle a monogamous relationship, it would not benefit you to persue her.
PS: You might want counceling, too, for your self esteem issues.

She does have a therapist. I really don't want to dump her, because she means so much to me. I've been in love with one girl before, and I honestly feel like its starting to come about with her... Though others have also told me I shouldn't do this, I just would hate myself if I just let her go. I know this sounds very IWish, but we're going out, so it can't be that IWish...

I probably should get counceling, but I get the same thing from my friends, and nationstates ;)

Be careful. Old habits die hard. Bad habits die harder then others. Getting heavily emotionally invested in her at high speed will probably be a mistake.

Explain to her that the current situation is unreasonable and that if she will not give up her other bloke you will have to stop seeing her. It will be hard, it will be painfull (she will probably dump you) but it is the only way to regain your self esteem in they eyes of your sternest (and most important critic)you. Best of luck - it's a miniefield out there and you can expect to get hurt.

bump

Great, I just had a big fight with one of my closest friends because she thinks that nichole is going after her boyfriend. I've known the guy for 7 years, the girl for 4, and me and nichole... well, yeah. The girl just doesn't know how nichole is, and won't listen to me when I try to explain it.