Something you shouldn't put on a romantic/personal ad...
DesignatedMarksman
24-05-2006, 03:49
"Wants kids, 15 to be exact".
:D
"Wants kids, 15 to be exact".
:D
want's 15 kids... man that mom would certainly be tired... :D
It would be even more dubious to put it into the "Who would you like to meet" field.
HotRodia
24-05-2006, 03:57
"45 year old male seeking small children"
Now that's something you shouldn't put in a personal ad. Because it's nasty. And illegal.
Free shepmagans
24-05-2006, 03:57
"Looking for nurse who is knowledgable about irritable bowel.":D
Slacker guys
24-05-2006, 04:19
Short,fat,long haired,greasy truckdriver not atheltic but looking to score. Great sense of humor.
Didn't work for me:D
Iztatepopotla
24-05-2006, 04:23
If you are Scott Peterson: "As seen on TV!"
DesignatedMarksman
24-05-2006, 05:06
"Looking for nurse who is knowledgable about irritable bowel.":D
"Some emotional baggage..."
Means: Headcase freak who can't let go of prior relationships and blames all of mankind for one asshole I once dated.
"Very caring"
Means: Clingy
"Sensitive, warm, loving with internal beauty"
Means: Uglier than a pig rolling in its own shit, but has a delightful squeel.
"Lives life to the fullest"
Means: Fucks everyone and everything.
"I love to party"
Means: Skank with coke addition
"Very loyal"
Means: Clingy and lonely
"Proportionate"
Means: I think I'm average weight, but my cankles say otherwise.
Haven't dated in a while:
I am the black hole of emotional need and will suck the life out of you.
Looking for someone who will love me for who I am"- Crazy.
"Looking for someone who's not shallow"- Ugly.
"Looking for someone who's open minded"- LIBERAL moron.
"Great personality" (no explanation needed)
"Want to start dating again": I moved to a new area because the word was out on me
"Very few restraining orders"
"I'm like the gift that keeps on giving"
Markreich
24-05-2006, 05:08
I am the parent of four cats/dogs.
DesignatedMarksman
24-05-2006, 05:10
"slim" = 5 foot nothing, 190 pounds.
"Average" 5 foot 5 inches 270 pounds
"a little extra padding" 4 foot 3 inches, 400 pounds
"loves life" = on prozac
"great personality" = beaten with an ugly stick repeatedly when younger
Dexlysia
24-05-2006, 05:11
"Cash up front."
Boonytopia
24-05-2006, 08:44
"Cash up front."
Winner. :D
Tufty Goodness
24-05-2006, 09:30
Or worse:
"Looking for: 15th wife to round out the collection. The younger the better."
IL Ruffino
24-05-2006, 09:36
Looking relationship; must have 4 legs
.. meh.
Wilgrove
24-05-2006, 09:53
"I only have 5 restraining orders!"
"Love me, love my cats"
"Damn right I am a bitch." (You know I still don't know why women think it's cool, or awesome to call themselves a bitch. To me it makes them sound like old angry women who haven't been laid in a while).
Big Jim P
24-05-2006, 16:46
A knowledge of animal husbandry a must.:D
Carisbrooke
24-05-2006, 16:51
Wanted - Person to have sex with, must be alive. Age, Build, Looks, Gender not important.
Yossarian Lives
24-05-2006, 17:08
A knowledge of animal husbandry a must.:D
I don't think that means what you think it means. :)
"Wants kids, 15 to be exact".
:D
Well, on the one hand, it's good to get that sort of thing up-front.
Of course, on the other hand, anybody who wants to have 15 kids (particularly if they are the type of person who needs to seek relationships in the want ads) is not somebody who should ever be a parent.
"Dept. of Homeland Security operative seeking..."
Intangelon
24-05-2006, 17:55
"Selective" -- will dump you for having unironed socks.
"Outbreak free since 1999!"
"The statute of limitations has passed!"
"Just wants to cuddle"
"Gives Geisha-like attention!" -- because she's a meth-freak who's lost her teeth.
"Interested in open relationship" -- because all polyamorists are fugly and I'll take who I can get.
"Christian" -- usually an understatement. This woman is too pious for you.
"Really into God" -- ALWAYS an understatement. This evangelista would try to convert Job.
"Ex-Catholic" -- Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on!
Also notice the quality of photographs. From a distance or out of focus are usually on purpose.
Men do all this shit, too, but in different ways. Ladies? Any comments?
The Tribes Of Longton
24-05-2006, 17:56
Wanted: One wife. Reasonable condition, not too much wear on the joints. Spare parts not a problem, but must be a complete set. Intricate knowledge of cooking, cleaning, shopping and all things womanly, but with limited knowledge of the outside world. Submissives only, mutes acceptable.
¬_¬
Minoriteeburg
24-05-2006, 18:07
Wanted: wife, religious, great at activities on her knees. For "praying" of course.
Ive seen worse things on Hannidate.
Saint Rynald
24-05-2006, 18:13
"Selective" -- will dump you for having unironed socks.
"Outbreak free since 1999!"
"The statute of limitations has passed!"
"Just wants to cuddle"
"Gives Geisha-like attention!" -- because she's a meth-freak who's lost her teeth.
"Interested in open relationship" -- because all polyamorists are fugly and I'll take who I can get.
"Christian" -- usually an understatement. This woman is too pious for you.
"Really into God" -- ALWAYS an understatement. This evangelista would try to convert Job.
"Ex-Catholic" -- Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on!
Also notice the quality of photographs. From a distance or out of focus are usually on purpose.
Men do all this shit, too, but in different ways. Ladies? Any comments?
Is there such a thing? (oh course, I might be a bit biased...)
Slaughterhouse five
24-05-2006, 18:14
Mormon man looking for very attractive white female that is easily convinced. 3 positions available
Minoriteeburg
24-05-2006, 18:18
Tired of hanging out with your dog and a jar of peanut butter? Let me be your bitch. call 555-5555
People without names
24-05-2006, 18:34
man looking for wife, only have a small police record including rape charges and domestic violence. big time alcoholic. looking for small woman that is easy to overpower.
Minoriteeburg
24-05-2006, 18:42
Fromer Ex-President looking for woman who likes cigars.
Psychotic Military
24-05-2006, 18:47
Short,fat,long haired,greasy truckdriver not atheltic but looking to score. Great sense of humor.
Didn't work for me:D
hahah cant stop f... laughing...
Big Jim P
25-05-2006, 00:00
I don't think that means what you think it means. :)
I know what it means. Can we say "doulble entendre?":rolleyes:
Can we say "doulble entendre?"
Yes, it's pronounceable, but "doulble" isn't actually a word to my knowledge.
The Gay Street Militia
25-05-2006, 15:05
"opinionated, stubborn, irritable (hostile at worst), unsympathetic, no empathy whatsoever-- kinda sketchy in the whole personality department, really. But hey, in better shape than most of the fatty-fat-fats that make up the national average."
"Selective" -- will dump you for having unironed socks.
"Outbreak free since 1999!"
"The statute of limitations has passed!"
"Just wants to cuddle"
"Gives Geisha-like attention!" -- because she's a meth-freak who's lost her teeth.
"Interested in open relationship" -- because all polyamorists are fugly and I'll take who I can get.
"Christian" -- usually an understatement. This woman is too pious for you.
"Really into God" -- ALWAYS an understatement. This evangelista would try to convert Job.
"Ex-Catholic" -- Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on!
Also notice the quality of photographs. From a distance or out of focus are usually on purpose.
Men do all this shit, too, but in different ways. Ladies? Any comments?
"Likes to party"--I like to get totally sloshed and paw at you for a few seconds before I either pass out or realize that I've drunk too much to get it up.
"Life-long bachelor"--I don't know how to do laundry, and the dishes in the sink are getting furry. Please clean my house.
"Easy-going, no strings attached"--I'm going to be having sex with as many other people as possible, so be sure to make me wear a rubber.
"Loves cats"--I will say anything to get laid.
"Stocky build"--Think Danny Devito
"Slim build"--The up side is, you'll be able to wear all my jeans.
"Mature"--Hopefully there will be at least a few women who are dumb enough to assume that all old guys must have some money saved up.
Ive seen worse things on Hannidate.
http://hannity.com/hannidate/index.php?page=view_profile&id=1186
http://web1.hannity.com/hannidate/index.php?page=view_profile&id=1286
And the obligatory "I wanna be a housewife aka Im a lazy shit who doesnt want to get a job":
http://web1.hannity.com/hannidate/index.php?page=view_profile&id=1272
Minoriteeburg
25-05-2006, 16:06
"looking for female, 20s, loves walks in the park, and doesnt mind a burning sensation in her pants."
Ishvalla
25-05-2006, 16:17
"45 year old male seeking small children"
Now that's something you shouldn't put in a personal ad. Because it's nasty. And illegal.
My uncle (tried to) put that in a personals ad...
meaning he was looking for a woman who already had children...
he has a six year old daughter and wanted her to have siblings.
His "personal ad consultant" thankfully caught it and changed it to something less abiguous.