NationStates Jolt Archive

*CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT*

1700 or so years ago, some hermitted monks decided to crawl out of their caves and stop whipping themselves in order to find some other people who might want to share in their particular brand of spiritual truth.

They started getting together and forming little groups of like-minded folks, appointing leaders, and life went on as normal until one group decided it didn't like another group's take on things and they started fighting each other.

Some time passes and it turns out all these little groups are fighting, so some dude with a crown stands up and says, "Hey! One Church, people. One!" and gets together with a bunch of bishops to form a simplified version of their little religion.

Once those nasty Gnostics are out of the way, this turns out to be surprisingly easy. More time passes ...

The leaders of this new One Church find lots of little Pagan groups laying about and set about to convince them that their way of thinking is already in line with the One Church's way of thinking, so they may as well just go on and convert over to the One Church. This works phenominally well!

The One Church even decides to hold on to some of the nicer Pagan traditions in order to make it more comfortable for people to convert. Everybody's happy.

Now ... this whole Davinci Code madness that's sweeping the world right now. It looks to me like the One Church has come up with a way to try to convince skeptics and nay-sayers. If you can't believe in the Divinity of Jesus, why not accept the plausability that he was just a guy with a nice message who got married and had kids and we can even throw in the tragedy of his bloodline being wiped out. San Graal vs. Sang Raal.

Make it all seem plausable. Give those who would never believe in a crucified and subsequently zombified deity a moment of pause. Opening up the dialogue for the skeptics and whatnot to say, "Now, hey ... here's a Jesus I can really get behind!"

Guess what. You've just accepted Jesus. You're now Christian. Way to go.

They got to you, too.

I prefer my theory:
"People are stupid, the book sucks, can't we all just agree that Jesus was gay? He wandered around with twelve guys and was always harping about brotherly love. Whats more, he was a carpenter, which is just one step away from interior decorator. And then, when he was at the Last Supper, he offered his body and blood to twelve other men.
Total gay BDSM orgy.
All this business about Mary Magdelene was just the cover he used at the time to ward off suspicion and now its spiralled out of control."
Hey, its no stupider than any other aspect of this DaVinci business, and its conspiracy theory is a Hell of a lot more coherent than Dan "I hate my sanity" Brown's.

What Fiddlebottoms said.

+ Kittens are cute!

*Snip*

Guess what. You've just accepted Jesus. You're now Christian. Way to go.

They got to you, too.
Dare I miss the point and take this seriously?

...

Nah.

*General lawls*

Then the One Church will stick it to the newly found converts with heresey. *nods*

Thank the Inquisistion for purging the Gnostic heretics. Ignore the heresy written by Dan Brown, trust in Pope Benedict XVI

Thank the Inquisistion for purging the Gnostic heretics. Ignore the heresy written by Dan Brown, trust in Pope Benedict XVI
:D Almost as good as UN Abassadorship. Well done!

That makes a certain amount of sense Keruvalia, are you ill?

Then the One Church will stick it to the newly found converts with heresey. *nods*

Well you've got to get them in the fold with actually acknowledging that there ever was, in fact, a Jesus of Nazareth. Once they get you accepting that through plausable history, then it's all over.

The DaVinci Code gives skeptics plausable history and even throws in the delicious gem of making the One Church look bad (something Skeptics and Atheists feed on like sharks on a drowning toddler).

I say it's brilliant! Dan Brown is an agent of the Church, pulling in Skeptics.

That makes a certain amount of sense Keruvalia, are you ill?

I've just been sober for a couple of days. No worries. Heading out to the liquor store in a little while. I'll be back to my rambling, semi-coherent self in a few hours. :D

Pope Benedict XVI

Who?

I say it's brilliant! Dan Brown is an agent of the Church, pulling in Skeptics.
Ineed, Dan Brown is the contemporary Paul-Saul.

I prefer my theory:
"People are stupid, the book sucks, can't we all just agree that Jesus was gay? He wandered around with twelve guys and was always harping about brotherly love. Whats more, he was a carpenter, which is just one step away from interior decorator. And then, when he was at the Last Supper, he offered his body and blood to twelve other men.
Total gay BDSM orgy.
All this business about Mary Magdelene was just the cover he used at the time to ward off suspicion and now its spiralled out of control."
Hey, its no stupider than any other aspect of this DaVinci business, and its conspiracy theory is a Hell of a lot more coherent than Dan "I hate my sanity" Brown's.

Mr. Fiddlebottoms, you sir, are a genius. I take off my hat to you.

Thank the Inquisistion for purging the Gnostic heretics. Ignore the heresy written by Dan Brown, trust in Pope Benedict XVI

"We've bought as many copies of The Da Vinci Code as our parishioners could get Your Holiness. What shall we do with them?"

"Wipe them out. All of them."

Catholics should leave Dan Brown alone. They've been writing fiction for centuries, let him have a go!

*CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT*

1700 or so years ago, some hermitted monks decided to crawl out of their caves and stop whipping themselves in order to find some other people who might want to share in their particular brand of spiritual truth.

They started getting together and forming little groups of like-minded folks, appointing leaders, and life went on as normal until one group decided it didn't like another group's take on things and they started fighting each other.

Some time passes and it turns out all these little groups are fighting, so some dude with a crown stands up and says, "Hey! One Church, people. One!" and gets together with a bunch of bishops to form a simplified version of their little religion.

Once those nasty Gnostics are out of the way, this turns out to be surprisingly easy. More time passes ...

The leaders of this new One Church find lots of little Pagan groups laying about and set about to convince them that their way of thinking is already in line with the One Church's way of thinking, so they may as well just go on and convert over to the One Church. This works phenominally well!

The One Church even decides to hold on to some of the nicer Pagan traditions in order to make it more comfortable for people to convert. Everybody's happy.

Now ... this whole Davinci Code madness that's sweeping the world right now. It looks to me like the One Church has come up with a way to try to convince skeptics and nay-sayers. If you can't believe in the Divinity of Jesus, why not accept the plausability that he was just a guy with a nice message who got married and had kids and we can even throw in the tragedy of his bloodline being wiped out. San Graal vs. Sang Raal.

Make it all seem plausable. Give those who would never believe in a crucified and subsequently zombified deity a moment of pause. Opening up the dialogue for the skeptics and whatnot to say, "Now, hey ... here's a Jesus I can really get behind!"

Guess what. You've just accepted Jesus. You're now Christian. Way to go.

They got to you, too.

That's messed up.


Because if he was 'just a nice guy with a nice bloodline who got married (literally I guess) and had kids" he wouldn't be the son of God. There wouldn't be heaven, or God, and all the time in church, righteousness, would be for naught.

My theory (don't worry, it will be picked up by a publisher soon)

Jesus never existed and was only a contruct made by Judean cultists somewhere near the 1st century CE. Therefore, the Da Vinci Crap is definitely not true and no more Da Vinci Week bull on the history channel.

I just need to flesh that out a bit into a 1000 pg book...

Is there a Crusade yet? I am sinning to get rid of.

"We've bought as many copies of The Da Vinci Code as our parishioners could get Your Holiness. What shall we do with them?"

"Wipe them out. All of them."

meanwhile Dan brown is swimming in dollars because catholic priests:

"bought as many copies of The Da Vinci Code as our parishioners could get Your Holiness"

Jesus was a nice Jewish boy with a mother complex (I mean all these women named Mary? What is that?) He said a few things, lost his temper once, never claimed to be God or even the Son of God and a whole bunch of people blew the whole thing out of proportion, created "the Church" and pretty much screwed everything up for everybody from then on.

The Da Vinci Code is to literature what Britney Spears is to music. It isn't worth the controversy it gets.

Jesus was a time travelling alien aiming to increase the power of scientology in 2000 years time. *Nods*

So mary wasn't a whore she was a fag-hag/ beard???


I prefer my theory:
"People are stupid, the book sucks, can't we all just agree that Jesus was gay? He wandered around with twelve guys and was always harping about brotherly love. Whats more, he was a carpenter, which is just one step away from interior decorator. And then, when he was at the Last Supper, he offered his body and blood to twelve other men.
Total gay BDSM orgy.
All this business about Mary Magdelene was just the cover he used at the time to ward off suspicion and now its spiralled out of control."
Hey, its no stupider than any other aspect of this DaVinci business, and its conspiracy theory is a Hell of a lot more coherent than Dan "I hate my sanity" Brown's.