NationStates Jolt Archive

I. when life gives you lemons,
choke on them and die.
II. constipation is bad
III. remember; food before drink
IV. nerds are NOT your role models.
V. Angry Fat People will hurt you
VI. when a stranger tries to give you candy.... kick him in the place where it hurts and run away.
VII. Pie is good............ for throwing.
VIII. Most people do not know their roman numerals very well (hint hint);)
IX. When someone asks you to smell something, do not under any circumstances smell that thing.

"Rules To Live By" by George Carlin:

Life is not as difficult as people think; all one needs is a good set of rules. Since it is probably too late for you, here are some guidelines to pass along to your children.

1. Relax and take it easy. Don't get caught up in hollow conceits such as "doing something with your life." Such twaddle is outmoded and a sure formula for disappointment.

2. Whatever it is you pursue, try to do it just well enough to remain in the middle third of the field. Keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself and don't ask questions. Remember, the squeaky wheel is the first one to be replaced.

3. Size people up quickly, and develop rigid attitudes based on your first impression. If you try to delve deeper and get to "know" people, you're asking for trouble.

4. Don't fall for that superstitious nonsense about treating people the way you would like to be treated. It is a transparently narcissistic approach, and may be the sign of a weak mind.

5. Spend as much time as you can pleading and impressing others, even if it makes you unhappy. Pay special attention to shallow manipulators who can do you the most harm. Remember, in the overall scheme, you count for very little.

6. Surround yourself with inferiors and losers. Not only will you look good by comparison, but they will look up to you, and that will make you feel better.

7. Don't buy into the sentimental notion that everyone has shortcomings; it's the surest way of undermining yourself. Remember, the really best people have no defects. If you're not perfect, something is wrong.

8. If by some off chance you do detect a few faults, first, accept the fact that you are probably deeply flawed. Then make a list of your faults and dwell on them. Carry the list around and try to think of things to add. Blame yourself for everything.

9. Beware of intuition and gut instincts, they are completely unreliable. Instead, develop preconceived notions and don't waver unless someone tells you to. Then change your mind and adopt their point of view. But only if they seem to know what they're talking about.

10. Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work. Cling to it even when it is hopeless. Anyone can cut and run, but it takes a very special person to stay with something that is stupid and harmful.

11. Always remember, today doesn't count. Trying to make something out of today only robs you of precious time that could be spent daydreaming or resting up.

12. Try to dwell on the past. Think of all the mistakes you've made, and how much better it would be if you hadn't made them. Think of what you should have done, and blame yourself for not doing so. And don't go easy. Be really hard on yourself.

13. If by chance you make a fresh mistake, especially a costly one, try to repeat it a few times so you become familiar with it and can do it easily in the future. Write it down. Put it with your list of faults.

14. Beware also of the dangerous trap of looking ahead; it will only get you in trouble. Instead, try to drift along from day to day in a meandering fashion. Don't get sidetracked with some foolish "plan."

15. Finally, enjoy yourself all the time, and do whatever you want. Don't be seduced by that mindless chatter going around about "responsibility." That's exactly the sort of thing that can ruin your life.

yes, but we are talking about the rules of life posted at the top and nobody really cares about George Carlin (no offense)

yes, but we are talking about the rules of life posted at the top and nobody really cares about George Carlin (no offense)

*smacks you with a pie*

*smacks you with a pie*
*eats what pie he can find* :)

IX. When someone asks you to smell something, do not under any circumstances smell that thing.

It's a rule that has served me well in life.

hey it's MY post!!! go make up your own stupid rules of life! sheesh!:mad:

<eats pie off face>

VIII. Most people do not know their roman numerals very well
You must be one of those folks that thinks IIX is more efficient of something. Well, it kinda is.

hey it's MY post!!! go make up your own stupid rules of life! sheesh!:mad:

<eats pie off face>

I have no rules in life! I do whatever seems fun and doesn't seem likely to lead to unfun activiteis like jail or hospitalization.

Well, I do have one rule:

Never date anybody crazier than yourself.

I have found through extensive testing that I am as crazy as a person should get. Any crazier and people become dangerous. *nod*

I have no rules in life! I do whatever seems fun and doesn't seem likely to lead to unfun activiteis like jail or hospitalization.

Well, I do have one rule:

[b]Never date anybody crazier than yourself.]/b]

I have found through extensive testing that I am as crazy as a person should get. Any crazier and people become dangerous. *nod*
I don't think you fully realize just how much harm you've actually caused in general.

I don't think you fully realize just how much harm you've actually caused in general.

Don't I?

...um...i mean...


I don't! :)

Don't I?

...um...i mean...


I don't! :)
*shakes my head and silently tends to the wounded*

*pokes the wounded with a stick*

hee hee

*pokes the wounded with a stick*
Was the scene safe before you went in and checked for responsiveness?! Who do you think you are?! Gah!

*shakes my head and silently tends to the wounded*

If you want to make an omelette, you have to break some eggs.

Hey, that's a pretty good rule! Making omelettes with unbroken eggs would certainly be ill-advised.

Never go anywhere without your towel.

When life gives you lemons, put lemon slices in your vodka.

If you can count more than ten drinks on your fingers without running out you've had too many.

When in doubt take off your pants and run screaming into the woods. If you can't find any woods then run screaming into a lumber yard.

01101001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110011 01110100 00101110

|\|3v3r, 3v3r, 7yp3 |1k3 7h15. 1f 3v3r y0u 7h1nk y0u'r3 480u7 70, 5|4p y0ur53|f 1n 7h3 f4(3, w17h 807h h4nd5.

Never trust a skinny chef, or a fat waiter.

Give Ruffy beer and potato chips or die.

Give Ruffy beer and potato chips or die.
*gives beer and potato chips*
Better safe than dead.

Never trust NS Generalites bearing gifts! :p

Never trust NS Generalites bearing gifts! :p
Oh, but Eut, I was just packing up a nice big wooden horse for you...

Never trust NS Generalites.
Fixed.

*gives beer and potato chips*
Better safe than dead.
*puts rifle away*

Yay!

Forgot to add a rule......................................... Eating your own poop while standing in a pickle care on a paper cup on the top of te empiure state building watching nudists jump out of planes is bad.:D :rolleyes:

Dont mess with the SAS.

01101001 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110101 01101110 01100100 01100101 01110010 01110011 01110100 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110011 01110100 00101110

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100001 01100010 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101111 01100111 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01110011 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 01110011 00111111 00100000 01000001 01101101 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00111111 00100000 01001111 01110010 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101100 01101001 01110000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101100 01101111 01110000 01100101 00111111

|\|3v3r, 3v3r, 7yp3 |1k3 7h15. 1f 3v3r y0u 7h1nk y0u'r3 480u7 70, 5|4p y0ur53|f 1n 7h3 f4(3, w17h 807h h4nd5

4|\||) \/\/|-|47 4|30|_|7 |_||\||)3|2574|\||)||\|9 7|-||5? 4|\/| | 57|11 1057 |=0|2 7|-|47?

0|-| 4|\||) |37\/\/ - |-|4! |\/|y 1337 5|<|112 4|23 |=4|2 5|_|p3|2|0|2 70 y0|_||25, 4|\||) |\|0 ||\/| |\|07 p|20|_||) 0|= |7

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100001 01100010 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101111 01100111 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100110 01101111 01110010 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01110011 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101111 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 01110011 00111111 00100000 01000001 01101101 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110011 01110100 00100000 01100010 01100101 01100011 01100001 01110101 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00111111 00100000 01001111 01110010 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101100 01101001 01110000 01110000 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110011 01101100 01101111 01110000 01100101 00111111



4|\||) \/\/|-|47 4|30|_|7 |_||\||)3|2574|\||)||\|9 7|-||5? 4|\/| | 57|11 1057 |=0|2 7|-|47?

0|-| 4|\||) |37\/\/ - |-|4! |\/|y 1337 5|<|112 4|23 |=4|2 5|_|p3|2|0|2 70 y0|_||25, 4|\||) |\|0 ||\/| |\|07 p|20|_||) 0|= |7
01010100 01110010 01101001 01110000 01111001 00101110 00101110 00101110 00100000 01010011 01101111 01101111 01101111 00101110 00101110 00100000 01011001 01100101 01100001 01101000 00101100 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01100010 01101111 01110010 01100101 01100100 00101110

0|V|9