NationStates Jolt Archive


"Your Honor, She was too busy masturbating to eat."

The Nazz
10-05-2006, 04:09
Okay, I admit it--I stole that thread title from the blog post where I saw this story because I couldn't think of a better one, and let's face it--thread titles make a hell of a difference in how much traffic your thread gets.

So here's the story (http://www.aftenposten.no/english/local/article1310753.ece)
A 37-year-old man remained in police custody Tuesday, charged with a violent assault against his former girlfriend. He has testified that his only weapon was a dildo.

The 28-year-old victim remained in the hospital after suffering a concussion, two broken fingers and several cuts. According to local newspaper Firda, she told police she feared for her life during the assault.

The defendant appeared in the Fjordane court in the scenic western town of Nordfjordeid on Monday. He told said he was sorry for his actions, and attempted to downplay the assault.

"It lasted 10 to 15 minutes, max," he told the court. "I didn't hit her with anything other than a dildo."

He also suggested the woman may have had bruises from before the assault. "She doesn't tolerate much because of anorexia," he said, adding that he was sorry "for what happened" and demanding he be released.

He was instead ordered held for another four weeks.
Think of the myriad ways in which this guy is a dick. He beats his girlfriend badly enough to be hospitalized. With a dildo. Then says that she may have had bruises from before. Because of her anorexia. And that he's sorry for what happened, rather than for what he did, as though he were som sort of fucking bystander in all of this.

So what should his punishment be?
Demented Hamsters
10-05-2006, 04:21
Uhh....She gets to use the dildo on him, but more conventionally and without KY.
Skaladora
10-05-2006, 04:25
So what should his punishment be?
Whatever it is, it should involve dildoes, and be very painful for him :rolleyes:
Big Jim P
10-05-2006, 04:26
A romantic introduction to "Bubba":D
Boston Junior
10-05-2006, 04:29
I agree with Demented Hamsters. Plus handcuffs.
The Nazz
10-05-2006, 04:33
Uhh....She gets to use the dildo on him, but more conventionally and without KY.
Nah--I think she ought to use it the same way it was used on her, only this time she gets to go to the porn store and buy one of those 2 foot tall, 8 inch around, set on a pedestal, looks like it weighs about 10 pounds jobs, and smack him repeatedly in the face with it.
Kyronea
10-05-2006, 04:42
I agree with Demented Hamsters. Plus handcuffs.
FUZZY handcuffs.
Saladsylvania
10-05-2006, 04:44
He should have to bake a cake that says "MY BAD" in icing and give it to her.
Undelia
10-05-2006, 04:46
So what should his punishment be?
Whatever the usual punishment for domestic assault is in the jurisdiction where the offense ocurred.
Saladsylvania
10-05-2006, 04:48
I don't get it.
LaLaland0
10-05-2006, 04:49
Whatever the usual punishment for domestic assault is in the jurisdiction where the offense ocurred.
aww...c'mon.
LaLaland0
10-05-2006, 04:50
He should have to bake a cake that says "MY BAD" in icing and give it to her.
Wow, that wouldn't be anywhere near severe enough.:rolleyes:
IL Ruffino
10-05-2006, 04:51
Whatever the usual punishment for domestic assault is in the jurisdiction where the offense ocurred.
:eek:
Europa Maxima
10-05-2006, 04:58
Nah--I think she ought to use it the same way it was used on her, only this time she gets to go to the porn store and buy one of those 2 foot tall, 8 inch around, set on a pedestal, looks like it weighs about 10 pounds jobs, and smack him repeatedly in the face with it.
And justice is served. :)

Undelia, get laid. Or something. Whatever.
IL Ruffino
10-05-2006, 05:02
And justice is served. :)

Undelia, get laid. Or something. Whatever.
Heh.
Europa Maxima
10-05-2006, 05:04
Heh.
It's perfectly sound advice.
Straughn
10-05-2006, 05:21
This is obviously a result of too much influence from Grand Theft Auto:San Andreas.
You know what i'm talking about.
http://67.18.37.16/1381/85/emo/shiftyeyes.gif
Undelia
10-05-2006, 05:23
It's perfectly sound advice.
That it is.
Brains in Tanks
10-05-2006, 05:30
Great. The return of Dr Cocktopus.
Europa Maxima
10-05-2006, 05:32
Great. The return of Dr Cocktopus.
Tee-hee-hee :p