NationStates Jolt Archive

Hi, I'm a brain in a tank. I'm offering to use my massive brain power to answer any questions you might have. I'll field questions on any topic, but remember - Garbage in, garbage out.

So, who's first?

Why does it hurt when I pee?

who is the best candidate for the Liberal Party of Canada?

Will Harper lose the next election?

Have you seen my cat?

Why does it hurt when I pee?

The cuisinart is not a urinal.

How do you type?

O wise one, what is the meaning of the Universe??

who is the best candidate for the Liberal Party of Canada?

Look deep into your heart. You know you are the best person to lead Canada. Take two Mien Kamphs and see me in the morning.

Have you seen my cat?

It took a lot of experiments to develop the current brain in a tank technology, but I SWEAR I haven't seen your cat.

Look deep into your heart. You know you are the best person to lead Canada.

Its true, this guy really does know everything!:p

How do you type?

I bounce my eyeballs up and down on a keyboard. Boy my optic nerves get tired sometimes.

Wah! Where's my kitty?

I bounce my eyeballs up and down on a keyboard. Boy my optic nerves get tired sometimes.

You sure it's your eyeballs?

O wise one, what is the meaning of the Universe??

That is an invalid question. The universe is. We give it meaning, not the other way around, so only you can answer that question.

I bounce my eyeballs up and down on a keyboard. Boy my optic nerves get tired sometimes.
But you're just a brain, so surely you don't have eyes? In fact, how the hell are you reading this?

Hey Brains in Tanks, you haven't answered the Harper question yet.

Wah! Where's my kitty?

I swear, your kitty's body is not an integral part of my life support system, nor is its cortex in charge of my rodent hunt and destroy subroutine.

I swear, your kitty's body is not an integral part of my life support system, nor is its cortex in charge of my rodent hunt and destroy subroutine.
Great.... now, who will beat Harper in the next election?

I'm starting to think your a phony, old Brains

Hey Brains in Tanks, you haven't answered the Harper question yet.

You know what to do about Harper, Tremerica. Don't make me spell it out to you.

I'm starting to think your a phony, old Brains

Yeah? Well up yours!

(wisper) Good plan, don't let anyone realise we're working together on this.

That is an invalid question. The universe is. We give it meaning, not the other way around, so only you can answer that question.


Okay then, how does an ATM work?

You know what to do about Harper, Tremerica. Don't make me spell it out to you.
REVOLUTION!! Overthrow the dictator! pwn'age!!!!111!!!! OMFG!@@11@@@!!!!

The cuisinart is not a urinal.
Always good advice. On the other hand, it's a cheap bris.

Great.... now, who will beat Harper in the next election?

I don't know, but I assure you that whatever the outcome it will have nothing to do with Tremerica, an inflatable chicken, a tube of superglue and an echidna named Spiny Norman.

REVOLUTION!! Overthrow the dictator! pwn'age!!!!111!!!! OMFG!@@11@@@!!!!

Revolution eh.... shall we go Cuban style or Ghandi style?....what do you think old Brains?

Brains, can you give me a hand? (No pun intended, as evidenced by the complete lack of humour. Except for that bit. And that. It's dead now though.)

How is the wavefunction of a particle in a one-dimensional finite depth potential well affected when the potential of the well varies linearly with distance?

Okay then, how does an ATM work?

Allen Greenspan sits inside them and distributes cash based upon how big his M1 happens to be.

Revolution eh.... shall we go Cuban style or Ghandi style?....what do you think old Brains?

When I had a body I used to enjoy being beaten by British soldiers, so I would have to say Ghandi, mien Fuhrer.

How is the wavefunction of a particle in a one-dimensional finite depth potential well affected when the potential of the well varies linearly with distance?

Duuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh... Badly.

Is cheese God or merely the Son of God?

Is cheese God or merely the Son of God?

That is a tough one. If Cheesus Christ was cheese, then his suffering was meaningless. But if Cheesus was a man then his
delicous sacrifice could have meaning. The council of Gouda determined that Cheesus was both Cheese and human and God,
forming the Lactic Trinity and created the basis of Western civilization and processed milk.

And anyone who disagreed was torturted just like Cheesus would have wanted.

Remote Islands, I think you broke my internet.

And how could you possibly doubt that I am a brain in a tank?
If I'm not in a tank, how on earth would I stop from drying out or
being eaten by my dog? Answer me that, Mister smarty pants!

Why do I keep tasting blue, and why does yellow keep yelling at me, and why are there little blue midgets hiting my chair with half frozen fish?

Why is there air?

Duuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh... Badly.
Oh, okay, thanks! I'll be sure to bear that in mind in these quantum tunnelling problems too.

On a less serious note, any predictions on the Euro-millions lottery tomorrow evening?

Why do I keep tasting blue, and why does yellow keep yelling at me, and why are there little blue midgets hiting my chair with half frozen fish?

Firstly, you have synesthesia, possibly as a result of eating contaminated fish.
This is why you can taste and hear colours.

Secondly although fish need love, discipline is also called for and that explains the raw pork flavoured midgets.

On a less serious note, any predictions on the Euro-millions lottery tomorrow evening?

I think the winner will be a string of numbers.

What is the best blend of tea?

Why is there air?

To stop your lungs shriveling up to the size of walnuts. This happened once before in human evolution and about half of humanity carry the shriveled remenants of former lungs below their abdomen.

if you tied a piece of buttered bread to a cat's back, with the unbuttered side against the cat and the buttered side exposed, which side would hit the floor

Brains in tanks - how are you today?

What is the best blend of tea?

Cannibis tea.

if you tied a piece of buttered bread to a cat's back, with the unbuttered side against the cat and the buttered side exposed, which side would hit the floor

Since tieing buttered bread to the back of a cat would involve a struggle of such titanic proportions that very foundations of physics would be destroyed I cant' answer that with any certainty.

But if you used a drugged cat, the cat hits the floor first.

Brain in Tanks, How long will it be before I get enough money?

Does a ducks quack really not echo? and what would happen if you crossed a bat with a duck? would it crash into stuff all the time? iv been wondering this for a long time and google is no help. its like no one else worries about these things.

Ah. I see that you are wise. But tell me, if you can, the answer to this question:

o rly?

That is an invalid question. The universe is. We give it meaning, not the other way around, so only you can answer that question.

Everyone knows the meaning of the universe is 42. Did you not read the guide? :rolleyes:

Why are there no doritos in my computers D: drive?

Brains in tanks - how are you today?

Feeling better. I just had some nutrients poured into my tank from a cuisinart. (I sure hope it wasn't the one they used for the bris.)

Brain in Tanks, How long will it be before I get enough money?

You have enough money. If you don't believe me, send it to me and I'll check.

What is your social security number?

What is your social security number?
I like this question.
*nod*

You have enough money. If you don't believe me, send it to me and I'll check.

Actually, I have minus money...I can't send you that, so if you could send me your money, I will be able to tell by that if I have enough to not have minus money and it will indicate to me how much money you have, so then I will know how long it will take me...


*free Penis exam anyone?*

Does a ducks quack really not echo?

It echos. It was hard getting all those ducks up into the Swiss Alps, but I did it.

and what would happen if you crossed a bat with a duck? would it crash into stuff all the time? iv been wondering this for a long time and google is no help. its like no one else worries about these things.

Well I guess we should look at the last common ancestor of ducks and bats and see if it crashed into things a lot. Which happened to be a hyperactive lizard called Willicus who did crash into things a lot. And in my research I have discovered that when I superglue a bat to a duck it tends to crash into things a lot.

What is your social security number?

I don't have one. Hmmm. From here on in, I decree my social security number to be - Harvey.

I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid and normal people look like celebrities. I turn pancakes brown and make your champane bubble. If you sqeeze me, I'll pop. If you look at me, you'll pop. Can you guess the riddle?

NOTE: 97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the correct answer? I still dont know the answer. Good luck
;)

Actually, I have minus money...I can't send you that, so if you could send me your money, I will be able to tell by that if I have enough to not have minus money and it will indicate to me how much money you have, so then I will know how long it will take me...

What a strange idea. Of course you can send negative money. If negative money wasn't sent back at the same time that positive money was transmitted then no one would be able to wire money anywhere. If negative money wasn't transported back during an electronic transfer then some of the mass of the fiber optic cable would have to be converted into money to make up the difference and the world's telecommunications systems would disintergrate.

*free Penis exam anyone?*

I already have a Master's degree in freeing penises so there is no need for me to take an exam on it.

What a strange idea. Of course you can send negative money. If negative money wasn't sent back at the same time that positive money was transmitted then no one would be able to wire money anywhere. If negative money wasn't transported back during an electronic transfer then some of the mass of the fiber optic cable would have to be converted into money to make up the difference and the world's telecommunications systems would disintergrate.



Does that work if you use the BIC and international Money Mover? I was wondering about the disparity between the up and down rates of the different disparities and when this is best carried out to maximize the minimal losses?

Why are there no doritos in my computers D: drive?

Maybe you ate them while sleepwalking?

I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid and normal people look like celebrities. I turn pancakes brown and make your champane bubble. If you sqeeze me, I'll pop. If you look at me, you'll pop. Can you guess the riddle?

42

I have another question for the infinitely wise Brains in Tanks -

Hoe is het weer/Wie ist das Wetter/How's the weather?

Does that work if you use the BIC and international Money Mover? I was wondering about the disparity between the up and down rates of the different disparities and when this is best carried out to maximize the minimal losses?

This is why they have to keep big spools of fibre optics at either end of undersea cables to compansate for disparities. Fortunately it is possible to tug faster on fibre optic than old copper cables and so more bits of info can be sent more rapidy reducing disparities. If worse comes to worse a satellite link can take over data transfer while whichever side has run out of cable reels more in.

Hoe is het weer/Wie ist das Wetter/How's the weather?

Wet. Wet! Always wet! I'm floating in a tank here.

I have to go an reinvent Maddona for an hour now. All these duck echo experiments don't pay for themselves you know. Back soon.

This is why they have to keep big spools of fibre optics at either end of undersea cables to compansate for disparities. Fortunately it is possible to tug faster on fibre optic than old copper cables and so more bits of info can be sent more rapidy reducing disparities. If worse comes to worse a satellite link can take over data transfer while whichever side has run out of cable reels more in.


You are indeed wise...I have one last and important question

Does my bum look big in this?

42

Haha, wrong. I know the answer now..so simple;) You're not much of a brain I guess.

an echidna named Spiny Norman.

Dinsdale

What are you doing for 4/20, Brains in Tanks?

Firstly, you have synesthesia, possibly as a result of eating contaminated fish.
This is why you can taste and hear colours.
Isn't it cool, how before it had a name, nobody had this thing, and now that it has a name, people have this?

You are indeed wise...I have one last and important question

Does my bum look big in this?
http://pic.smasher.org/default19.png

Does my bum look big in this?

Ahh, the classic girlfriend's bum dilema. I have already applied my massive brainpower to this question and determined that the only logical answer for those interested in long term happiness is to say "yes." Repeated computer trials have demonstrated that this is true no matter what her bum size or how whatever she is wearing makes it appear. Both lying and telling the truth are actually less productive strategies than always saying "yes."

Haha, wrong. I know the answer now..so simple You're not much of a brain I guess.

No, you got it the wrong way around. I am a brain, I'm just not much of anything else.

What are you doing for 4/20, Brains in Tanks?

The same I'm doing for C3PO, R2D2 and WD40.

Isn't it cool, how before it had a name, nobody had this thing, and now that it has a name, people have this?

Yeah, you had better watch out I don't start making up new disease names just so people will get them.

Hi, I'm a brain in a tank. I'm offering to use my massive brain power to answer any questions you might have. I'll field questions on any topic, but remember - Garbage in, garbage out.

So, who's first?
Why do you find yourself so important as to have a question and answer session with you alone?

Why do you find yourself so important as to have a question and answer session with you alone?

I'm very self centered. Probably because everything that happens in life occurs from my point of view. But please, two heads are better than one, or rather in this case one head and the contents of one head, so please, feel free to help our humble petitioners with their questions.