NationStates Jolt Archive

...would you kill him?

...would you kill him?

Yes but thats because (dusts off old gag for the 1000th time) I'm Zen-o-phobic.

No. I'd kidnap him and put him in a cage, then charge people to sit around the cage and listen to his talk about enlightenment and all that.

No, Buddha is fat, plus, think of the admission charges to the "Poke Buddah with a stick" show.

BTW, just in case anyone's wondering WTF's up with this thread, I am Buddhist and it's a gentle and friendly poke at the recent crop of Christian "What if God were real?" threads.

Thank you for keeping this thread free of thought.

I wouldn't kill anyone I met on the road. :confused:

BTW, just in case anyone's wondering WTF's up with this thread, I am Buddhist and it's a gentle and friendly poke at the recent crop of Christian "What if God were real?" threads.

Thank you for keeping this thread free of thought.

No worries, it's our own little stab at that mindless thing you are supposed to get in yoga.

word of advice: don't mess with a transcended life form they can physically manifest tentacles and have 9+ balls

No, but I'll have his wallet.

Mu?
Wuh de fuk?

I wouldn't kill anyone I met on the road. :confused:
Wierdo......

I wouldn't kill anyone I met on the road. :confused:Hey! That makes sense.. Maybe I'll do(n't) that too..

Of course, the Buddha wouldn't be walking down the street in the first place, btu still

Mu?
Wuh de fuk?
Mu. Eastern terminology that is a neither yes nor no answer to a yes or no question; effectively, it means something along the lines of "This question cannot be answered either way".

...would you kill him?
Yes. For to meet Buddha on the road would be an inward journey, and he would be doomed to die somewhere along the path, for which I must be responsible regardless of my decisions.

Mu. Eastern terminology that is a neither yes nor no answer to a yes or no question; effectively, it means something along the lines of "This question cannot be answered either way".
It's a little more complicated than that. The Wikipedia article has a good overview:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mu_%28negative%29

Um, no. Unless it was in self defense....

What a strange question to ask.... :confused:

I'd have a hotdog stand. When I saw Buddha, I'd offer him a hotdog and he'd say, "Make me one with everything." And all would be well with the world. :)

No, but I would criticize him for his nihilistic and pleasure-negative views.

... "This question cannot be answered either way".
Meh.

Mu. Eastern terminology that is a neither yes nor no answer to a yes or no question; effectively, it means something along the lines of "This question cannot be answered either way".
Sweet. I just hope people don't think I'm immitating a cow......

I'd have a hotdog stand. When I saw Buddha, I'd offer him a hotdog and he'd say, "Make me one with everything." And all would be well with the world. :)

I did that bad joke on here the other day dammit!

No, I would only kill margarine, because Buddha is better than margarine.

I did that bad joke on here the other day dammit!

I did it better. :)

...would you kill him?
A student once asked Buddha, "How shall I escape the heat of the day?" Buddha replied, "Leap into a blazing furnace."

Buddha clearly wants us all dead, so you're damn right I would plug that bastard if I ever ran into him. :)

I did it better. :)

I concede your mastery. You are the Wu-Tang master of the Buddhist hot dog pun, i, a mere novice.

Mu?
Wuh de fuk?

Yes, "what the fuck" is indeed a very well put translation of mu.

I'd have a hotdog stand. When I saw Buddha, I'd offer him a hotdog and he'd say, "Make me one with everything." And all would be well with the world. :)

You're one of the few people I know who really understand the question. :D

I concede your mastery. You are the Wu-Tang master of the Buddhist hot dog pun, i, a mere novice.

When you can snatch the ketchup packet from my hand, then you will be Ready, grasshopper. :)

When you can snatch the ketchup packet from my hand, then you will be Ready, grasshopper. :)

I vowed never to use the skills i learnt from Bill to ever kill again, but now i must, to gain the Hotdog Enlightenment i crave.

Besides, you are quite obviously just pretending enlightenment...it's MUSTARD dammit. Ketchup my arse ;)

Um, no. Unless it was in self defense....

What a strange question to ask.... :confused:


The question is a classic Buddhist Koan, or question for meditation. A few people posting here have even given answers that would likely be accepted by my own teacher. Or maybe not.

I vowed never to use the skills i learnt from Bill to ever kill again, but now i must, to gain the Hotdog Enlightenment i crave.

Besides, you are quite obviously just pretending enlightenment...it's MUSTARD dammit. Ketchup my arse ;)

Hell no. I'm keping the mustard. :p

The question is a classic Buddhist Koan, or question for meditation. A few people posting here have even given answers that would likely be accepted by my own teacher. Or maybe not.

"What is Buddha?"
"Buddha is half a pound of flax"

I never quite got that one.

Yes, "what the fuck" is indeed a very well put translation of mu.

I guess Marie's 'Meh' comes pretty close too.

No, but I would criticize him for his nihilistic and pleasure-negative views.

'Compassion and love are not mere luxuries.
As the source both of inner and external peace,
they are fundamental to the continued survival of our species.'
His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama

Since the true Buddha is inside us all, any Buddha traveling on a road would be false, so yes, kill him.

A student once asked Buddha, "How shall I escape the heat of the day?" Buddha replied, "Leap into a blazing furnace."

Buddha clearly wants us all dead, so you're damn right I would plug that bastard if I ever ran into him. :)

Jumping into a fridge would work too. But that doesn't sound as 'zen' and mysterious.

If you met the Buddha on the road... ...would you kill him?
Well, Linji Yixuan says I should. Technically I should kill him as well though, so maybe I shouldn't be taking his advice.

Since the true Buddha is inside us all, any Buddha traveling on a road would be false, so yes, kill him.

There's a buddha inside you?

Why did you eat a buddha!?!

"What is Buddha?"
"Buddha is half a pound of flax"

I never quite got that one.

To paraphrase another classic answer to that one "bullshit". :D

The question is a classic Buddhist Koan, or question for meditation.
Hmm...what's up with HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA (http://www.friends-of-tibet.org.nz/dlama.html) then?
On the website it reads: "The Dalai Lamas are the manifestations of the Buddha of Compassion who chose to take rebirth for the purpose of serving other human beings."
Are there more than one Buddha? Or is this like asking a Prysbeterian how things are going in the Egyptian Eastern Orthodox Church?

Hey! That makes sense.. Maybe I'll do(n't) that too..

Of course, the Buddha wouldn't be walking down the street in the first place, btu still

Why wouldn't the Buddha be walking down the street?

Hmm...what's up with HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA (http://www.friends-of-tibet.org.nz/dlama.html) then?
On the website it reads: "The Dalai Lamas are the manifestations of the Buddha of Compassion who chose to take rebirth for the purpose of serving other human beings."
Are there more than one Buddha? Or is this like asking a Prysbeterian how things are going in the Egyptian Eastern Orthodox Church?

Buddha is a title for anyone who has reached enlightenment. The Buddha is Siddartha Gotthama(sp?), the original buddha and founder of buddhism.

Why wouldn't the Buddha be walking down the street?
He wouldn't want to step on all the chickens walking across it.

Why wouldn't the Buddha be walking down the street?
Buddha was going to LG's hotdog stand. Duh.

Why wouldn't the Buddha be walking down the street?He expired about two thousand years ago.
Now, Zombie Buddha might be walking down the street, but that wouldn't really be quite the same :P

Why wouldn't the Buddha be walking down the street?

Buddhas ride Segways. :)

Buddhas ride Segways. :)
Funniest mental image evar!!
Sigged!

Hmm...what's up with HIS HOLINESS THE DALAI LAMA (http://www.friends-of-tibet.org.nz/dlama.html) then?
On the website it reads: "The Dalai Lamas are the manifestations of the Buddha of Compassion who chose to take rebirth for the purpose of serving other human beings."
Are there more than one Buddha? Or is this like asking a Prysbeterian how things are going in the Egyptian Eastern Orthodox Church?

It's more like asking a trinitarian Christian how the trinity can be one, just simpler and more complicated.

Gautama, Ifreann.

Funniest mental image evar!!
Sigged!

I tried looking for a photo, but all I could find was the BuddhaMobile:
http://www.digikissed.com/images/u24.jpg

Buddha is a title for anyone who has reached enlightenment. The Buddha is Siddartha Gotthama(sp?), the original buddha and founder of buddhism.
Like 'messiah' then. I was just wondering how there was multiple Buddhas, but only one that is called the Buddha. Thanks.
...just simpler and more complicated.
Buddhists. Gotta love you guys. :p

He wouldn't want to step on all the chickens walking across it.

That was actually the first koan I ever studied - my teacher really truely did give me the old "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke as a koan. It was most effective. (And no, he didn't accept "to get to the other side". Nor did he accept "Col. Sanders was chasing him" or any of the other variations.)

He expired about two thousand years ago.

Now, Zombie Buddha might be walking down the street, but that wouldn't really be quite the same :P


Zombie Buddha is certainly a more comfortable idea than the Chocolate Zombie Jesus that I saw someone talking about here yesterday...

That was actually the first koan I ever studied - my teacher really truely did give me the old "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke as a koan. It was most effective. (And no, he didn't accept "to get to the other side". Nor did he accept "Col. Sanders was chasing him" or any of the other variations.)
Far better would be: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?

Zombie Buddha is certainly a more comfortable idea than the Chocolate Zombie Jesus that I saw someone talking about here yesterday...Not as tasty though, I bet.

That was actually the first koan I ever studied - my teacher really truely did give me the old "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke as a koan. It was most effective.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"In search of food, water, or mates. Possibly, it was running away from a predator, or was spooked." <--- Survival, ya' know.
Would that work? Is that an acceptable answer?

That was actually the first koan I ever studied - my teacher really truely did give me the old "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke as a koan. It was most effective. (And no, he didn't accept "to get to the other side". Nor did he accept "Col. Sanders was chasing him" or any of the other variations.)


Or did the road move under the chicken??

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"In search of food, water, or mates. Possibly, it was running away from a predator, or was spooked." <--- Survival, ya' know.
Would that work? Is that an acceptable answer?
Nah, far too logical. Maybe he was leaving himself on the other side.

...would you kill him?

I'd hit you with a stick.

That was actually the first koan I ever studied - my teacher really truely did give me the old "why did the chicken cross the road?" joke as a koan. It was most effective. (And no, he didn't accept "to get to the other side". Nor did he accept "Col. Sanders was chasing him" or any of the other variations.)




Zombie Buddha is certainly a more comfortable idea than the Chocolate Zombie Jesus that I saw someone talking about here yesterday...
So....why did he cross the road?

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"In search of food, water, or mates. Possibly, it was running away from a predator, or was spooked." <--- Survival, ya' know.
Would that work? Is that an acceptable answer?

You'd have to put that one to my teacher personally. Koan answers tend to be very, very personal. (That's one of the reasons they sometimes seem contradictory. It also explains why an old answer might be accepted from one student but not another. Or from a student at one stage but not from the same student at another stage.)

Nah, far too logical. Maybe he was leaving himself on the other side.
Excretion? Offsping?
You'd have to put that one to my teacher personally. Koan answers tend to be very, very personal.
Hmm ... yeah, things are like that.

I'd hit you with a stick.

Thank you for your kind gift.

So....why did he cross the road?

Sorry. My answer was only for my teacher.

According to quantum mechanics, untill I observe the chicken crossing the road, it both does and doesn't cross it.
It might also be a pinguin or a giraffe. We won't know till it's observed.

Far better would be: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the same side?

Thank you for your kind gift.

I'm sorry it's late for the easter *nods*

The question is a classic Buddhist Koan, or question for meditation. A few people posting here have even given answers that would likely be accepted by my own teacher. Or maybe not.
Ah! Are we being tested on this? >_<;

On the Chicken question, though, that's a pretty neat way to start people thinking. I guess it's a little late in the day to try answering that one, but the point is that the Chicken, the Road and the Crossing often serve to reveal something about the way you think. And, ironically, the common "To get to the other side" response is a very poignant response for a society steeped in treating life and the world as things to be used rather than things worth enjoying, experiencing in and engaging with in their own right.

Darn. I said I wouldn't try answering that one. Oh well. ^^;

Ah! Are we being tested on this? >_<;

Not by me. By yourself maybe...

On the Chicken question, though, that's a pretty neat way to start people thinking. I guess it's a little late in the day to try answering that one, but the point is that the Chicken, the Road and the Crossing often serve to reveal something about the way you think. And, ironically, the common "To get to the other side" response is a very poignant response for a society steeped in treating life and the world as things to be used rather than things worth enjoying, experiencing in and engaging with in their own right.

Darn. I said I wouldn't try answering that one. Oh well. ^^;

Koan in general serve that purpose. My teacher specifically told me that he sees koan as a living practice, which is why he gives ones like that.

Sorry. My answer was only for my teacher.
Awww, now it's gonna annoy me for ages. Damned buddhists ;)

According to quantum mechanics, untill I observe the chicken crossing the road, it both does and doesn't cross it.
It might also be a pinguin or a giraffe. We won't know till it's observed.
Wewt, Schrodinger!

I'm sorry it's late for the easter *nods*

;)

I for one would not kill the Buddha if I saw him on the road. Though he may be a false Buddha, I see no reason to harm him as he has done no harm to me.

Awww, now it's gonna annoy me for ages. Damned buddhists ;)

Wouldn't matter anyhow. Like I implied above, my answere most likely wouldn't apply to you.

I for one would not kill the Buddha if I saw him on the road. Though he may be a false Buddha, I see no reason to harm him as he has done no harm to me.

Metaphor.

Wouldn't matter anyhow. Like I implied above, my answere most likely wouldn't apply to you.
I don't want to know about me, I want to know about the chicken!

Mmmm, chicken.

I don't want to know about me, I want to know about the chicken!

Mmmm, chicken.

Hmmm... well I can't say anything either way about applying chickens to yourself. :p

Only if given good reason to do so, to save the lives of several others, etc. however as arguably the buddha is an idea as much as a single person one must question, could you kill him?

Hmmm... well I can't say anything either way about applying chickens to yourself. :p
Applying chickens to myself eh?
I'm gonna need some chickens and a lot of duct tape.

Only if given good reason to do so, to save the lives of several others, etc. however as arguably the buddha is an idea as much as a single person one must question, could you kill him?

Yes, quite a question to think about.

Applying chickens to myself eh?
I'm gonna need some chickens and a lot of duct tape.

Or you could apply the answer to the chicken...

Or you could apply the answer to the chicken...Is the answer lotion?

...would you kill him?

I would talk to him about Taoism.

...would you kill him?

Buddha is allready dead. We have killed him - you and I. We are his murderers.

Buddha is allready dead. We have killed him - you and I. We are his murderers.
Nah, that's Jesus...

Nah, that's Jesus...
And God, of course... Whats with the sudden boom of people/things being killed by us? It's the current big thing or what?

change buddha to mohammed and we would have to see

Probably, since he's from India and I'm from Mexico and that means we'd both be driving on the same side of the road going in opposite directions. I hope the cars have airbags.

no i would smack him and tell him to get back to my desk and hold the insence like a good lil fatty.

All this philosophising reminds me of a friend of a friend* who took a Philosophy paper.
Q: Is this a question?
His A: If this is an answer, then yes.
He then went to the Pub, and got an 'A'

*Friend of a friend in this case means a possible urban legend, or my friend was bullshitting

*Friend of a friend in this case means a possible urban legend, or my friend was bullshitting
Hmm... it's listed on this philosophy jokes page (http://www.workjoke.com/projoke70.htm).

Metaphor.

Ach, and I just decided to skew it a little bit is all! :p

Hmm... it's listed on this philosophy jokes page (http://www.workjoke.com/projoke70.htm).
Oh-ho, he's been rumbled. Funny link though.

no

i'd offer him a bite of my Whopper w/cheese, then withdraw it and say, "You really should think about joining Jenny Craig."

...would you kill him?

I probably wouldn't recognize him if I saw him.

No, because if the road was in Japan, there would be about 10,000 Japanese trying to take the Buddha's picture with their keitai and I couldn't even get close to him. :p

...would you kill him?
I would want to talk with him.

Why do you ask such an extreme question?

...would you kill him?

No, I'd ask him where he was going.

I might ask him how Richard Gere can be buddhist and still did what he did to that gerbil. That might kill Buddha. :(

...would you kill him?

Yes, because you have to create your own personal Buddha, no-one else can supply you with one.

That is the true answer to this question.

I'd say hi and ask him how he's doing and how his Enlightenment Project is coming and if there's anything I can do to help. :p

...would you kill him?

No, I'd ask him the meaning of life, write it into a book, and publish it to gain a LOT of material wealth. :p

Is this fat giggly buddha, or skinny sourpus buddha?

Because I have to know before I can give an answer.......

I'd laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh. Then I'd pray for a blessing to be upon him and go on my merry, merry way.

Though I suspect he'd get the joke. Eh, at least he can get a giggle out of it as well.

A few people posting here have even given answers that would likely be accepted by my own teacher. Or maybe not.
That's Buddhism for you. Or is it?

If I met Buddha on the road I would respectfully bow my head slightly and continue on my way. And smile. That would be nice.

The better question would be "Would you recognise the Buddha on the road?"

The better question would be "Would you recognise the Buddha on the road?"

Aren't we all buddha or somesuch?

The better question would be "Would you recognise the Buddha on the road?"

Sure. He'd be on a Segway. :)

Aren't we all buddha or somesuch?
I think a more balanced way of looking at it would be that we all have the capacity to achieve Buddhahood. I would think that the only way to recognise the Buddha on the road would be to be a Buddha, and I don't think I could even speculate on how I would react since I'm not there yet.

Sure. He'd be on a Segway. :)

Oh dear.

It appears I may have met him then. And possibly my conduct was less than exemplary.

Yes, because you have to create your own personal Buddha, no-one else can supply you with one.

That is the true answer to this question.

It's one answer that has been accepted.

I would want to talk with him.

Why do you ask such an extreme question?

As I said earlier, to poke gentle fun at the seemingly endless string of Christian threads asking "what would you do if God were real?". The question is a standard Koan meditation question, with the original answer being more or less the one Zexaland gave above.


The better question would be "Would you recognise the Buddha on the road?"

Aren't we all buddha or somesuch?

Exactly. This is an example of a case I could see no or mu (or even WTF?) being accepted.

Oh dear.

It appears I may have met him then. And possibly my conduct was less than exemplary.

One good reason to always engage in "right action"... :D (As well as being a common theme for moralisng myths.)

One good reason to always engage in "right action"... :D (As well as being a common theme for moralisng myths.)

In my defense, he was being a right douchebag with his segway. He was barrelling into people on the sidewalk.

Probably I should work on my mellow however - or whatever the buddhist equivalent is.

I’m sure this already been said, but don’t you mean a Buddha?

Sure, why not.

I’m sure this already been said, but don’t you mean a Buddha?

Mmmmm...
The traditional translation I'm familiar with and see most often uses the.
http://www.ordinarymind.com/koan_killing.html

But it really doesn't matter if it's a or the.