NationStates Jolt Archive

Since it's becoming more and more obvious that the Bush administration wants to move on to Iran (although with what military assets, I have no idea), and since his numbers on Iraq are beyond bad, and since it seems like the US public isn't buying into the Iran nuclear threat talk yet (or if they are, they don't trust Bush to do anything right about it), it seems to me that if Bush is going to get "Iraq II, We've Got the Right One This Time BayBee" to fly, he's going to need a little help, Gulf of Tonkin style.

So conspiracy theorists, put on your Sunday tinfoil hat for this one, and tell me--what's it gonna be? What will be the event that lets Bush push the big red button?

Jerusalem going boom.

Since it's becoming more and more obvious that the Bush administration wants to move on to Iran (although with what military assets, I have no idea), and since his numbers on Iraq are beyond bad, and since it seems like the US public isn't buying into the Iran nuclear threat talk yet (or if they are, they don't trust Bush to do anything right about it), it seems to me that if Bush is going to get "Iraq II, We've Got the Right One This Time BayBee" to fly, he's going to need a little help, Gulf of Tonkin style.

So conspiracy theorists, put on your Sunday tinfoil hat for this one, and tell me--what's it gonna be? What will be the event that lets Bush push the big red button?

My personal pet theory is that he's going to give the Iranian government the names of CIA operatives within Iran as part of a below the board "negotiation". Then have those operatives assassinated, and frame Iran for it. Then he'll use that in order to justify an invasion....

Is that crackpotty enough??

Jerusalem going boom.
Not CT-ish enough. Who makes it go boom? And how much of it goes up/ Any holy sites targeted in particular? I NEED A SCENARIO, MAN!!!!!! :D

Bush will have a dream involving a shining image of Bette Midler's head on Bob Barker's body telling him that God has chosen him to bring about the apocalypse. Bush will hire Gary Glitter to sneak a nuclear weapon into Jerusalem and detonate it. The Jewish media conspiracy will then blame Iran because Ahmedinejad wore black socks on a Tuesday and all nuclear hell will break loose.

Since it's becoming more and more obvious that the Bush administration wants to move on to Iran (although with what military assets, I have no idea), and since his numbers on Iraq are beyond bad, and since it seems like the US public isn't buying into the Iran nuclear threat talk yet (or if they are, they don't trust Bush to do anything right about it), it seems to me that if Bush is going to get "Iraq II, We've Got the Right One This Time BayBee" to fly, he's going to need a little help, Gulf of Tonkin style.

So conspiracy theorists, put on your Sunday tinfoil hat for this one, and tell me--what's it gonna be? What will be the event that lets Bush push the big red button?
Still think the big goal is taking over Tehran?

*chuckle*

My friend, think bigger. Think power. Think grander. Think Liechtenstein.

Nuking Iran? Heavens no. America's higher ups are planning to nuke America itself just in time for Iran to walk in and claim domination. See, the big wigs in power are actually Islamists, generating global sympathy for their cause through the systemic enragement of the world's muslim community. When the time is right, and when said agents are all off on holiday, the big red button will be pressed and the US will be forced to surrender to their controllers after near cataclysmic self-detonation that the rest of the world will have no idea how to respond to.

... What? You wanted a wild conspiracy theory, you have one.

Nuking Iran? Heavens no. America's higher ups are planning to nuke America itself just in time for Iran to walk in and claim domination. See, the big wigs in power are actually Islamists, generating global sympathy for their cause through the systemic enragement of the world's muslim community. When the time is right, and when said agents are all off on holiday, the big red button will be pressed and the US will be forced to surrender to their controllers after near cataclysmic self-detonation that the rest of the world will have no idea how to respond to.

... What? You wanted a wild conspiracy theory, you have one.
I like mine better. It mentions Gary Glitter.

Nothing extravagant. “Evidence” will be shown on a special Sixty Minutes that Iran is funding Shiite insurgents. The special will feature anti-Iranian propaganda and conveniently ignore Iran’s justified and rational animosity towards the US and its leaders.

If the administration and the media really want this war, it will happen. There is nothing reasonable people will be able to do as our voices are once again drowned in a pool of patriotic, reactionary bull shit.

I like mine better. It mentions Gary Glitter.
But it's not a conspiracy. It's a prophecy.

Not CT-ish enough. Who makes it go boom? And how much of it goes up/ Any holy sites targeted in particular? I NEED A SCENARIO, MAN!!!!!! :D

Iran Gets nuke. Iran Gets it to Hamas. Hamas sets it up in Jeruselum and pushes the cell phone button and all of Jerusalem goes up in a ball of fire. Since it was a nuke on Israel, US Forces immediately launchs a nuclear strike against Iran using Ohio Class Ballistic Submarines.

After Iran gets wiped off the map, we find out that it was actually North Korea so We use the B2 Stealth Bombers and nuke Pyongyang as well as the rest of North Korea.

"Conspiracy Theorists, Let Your Minds Run Wild!"

Conspiracy Theorists don't have minds. They have fevered imaginations.

Iran Gets nuke. Iran Gets it to Hamas. Hamas sets it up in Jeruselum and pushes the cell phone button and all of Jerusalem goes up in a ball of fire. Since it was a nuke on Israel, US Forces immediately launchs a nuclear strike against Iran using Ohio Class Ballistic Submarines.

After Iran gets wiped off the map, we find out that it was actually North Korea so We use the B2 Stealth Bombers and nuke Pyongyang as well as the rest of North Korea.
Closer, but it's still missing Gary Glitter. :D

Conspiracy theory: London Bombings
on 7th of July 2005 4 great explosions were heard in and around london.
This was the result of 4 suicide bombers working on the behalf of Osama bin laden, or was it?

A small proportion of my being thinks that our government was responcible for these attacks.

1. With the increase of attacks in afganistan and british muslims supporting many of these Interfarders and indead suppling them with funding and the means to procure weapons the british government wishes to high-light that there funds are not going to rebals in the mountains but to terrorist cells located all over europe.
A week before the attacks the Government wanted to send upwards of 5,000 troops to afganistan to fight the terrorists but belived that there would be a national out cry against this action so needed a reason to continue the war on terror.
This Action not only made Britain shone these Murderers but to give them up in the dawn raids in leeds were all four lived in diffrent locations. An other result of these attacks is to create a better reason to send More Troops to Afganistan and hunt down and kill the Terrorists.

Although the terrorists are working or rather were working for Bin Laden it is plasible that MI5 (and Possible MI6) knew about the attack in advance
due to their survalance on one of the bombers but kept this information quiet from the metropolitan police and the NCS in order to let the terrorists carry out their horific plans and inturn give Britain an opertunaty to send more troops to Afganistan and possiblie invade an other Arab Dictatored country with or without American assistance after all Tony Blair did'nt do all that sucking up to George Bush for nothing did he?

i was never born:eek:

i was never born:eek:


Erm, can you prove that?

OK, put simply, here's my idea for why Bush is getting away with so much criminal activity: He's deliberately breaking the law to see how much he can get away with. The people seem to be willing to let him go to war in Iraq on faulty intelligence. They don't have a problem letting him leak a CIA operative's name. Hell, his VP shot a man, and the man apologized to HIM. And say what you will about his first election victory (I still think Gore probably won Florida, but that's water WAY under the bridge...)

He isn't just a horrible, corrupt president whose legacy is being severely tarnished in his second term. Lyndon Johnson had Vietnam, Richard Nixon had Watergate, Ronald Reagan had Iran-Contra, and Bill Clinton had Monica Lewinsky. George W. Bush has Valerie Plame, Iraq, wire-tapping, PLUS the fact that he slept on 9/11 to his credit.

But it's all a warm-up. Rest assured, something big is going to happen in 2008. Washington, D.C. is going to have some serious shit happen to it. The Capitol blown up...the White House burn down...a hurricane...hell, I don't know; Bush will think of something. At this point, Bush and his cronies believe no one will take him down, and as such, he makes a grand announcement: No vote for President in 2008. Bush isn't going anywhere. By whatever measure - strong-arming Congress, forcing the states or Supreme Court, or just declaring martial law - he decides he can get away with it. Sure, there's talk of secession, mainly among the New England states, California, and some other assorted blue or anti-federal states. But they don't have a chance, and any attempt at revolt or leaving the Union would be met with extreme prejudice and military re-education. In terms of freedom, residents of Massachusetts would envy people in North Korea. All that progress made for gay folks is washed away, as gay people have their unions dissolved at the least and face jail time at worst.

Now, this isn't meant to say Bush is the next Hitler. Frankly, Hitler took chances and went against a war-weary world that just wanted him to leave them the hell alone. Given enough guff, they finally fought back. Frankly, the U.S. has built up a bad enough reputation already, and people fear the worst as it is. And I doubt they would take it. A bizarre alliance of liberal Europe, authoritarian China, and the damn-near-insane Muslim world may develop. And in a bizarre twist of fate, Israel distances itself from the newly fascist U.S. and declares neutrality - and against all odds, the Muslim world leaves them alone. They have the U.S. and Russia, an unusual alliance, to deal with...but hey, they were an unusual alliance in the 1940s, and Germany and Japan were an unusual alliance as well.

I don't know how this would play out. All I know is that I am on the next plane to Tokyo, Japan if this happens.

Nice try, you guys, but you forgot this.

Vladimir Putin is an ex-KGB guy who secretly has been playing a quadruple blind game involving having the Russian Mafia secure all loose Russian and USSR tactical and strategic nukes for his personal use, funding and abetting Muslim Terrorists to attack Israel and the US, Israel to attack his puppet terrorists and give Washington a Headache, and dressing up in a suit and pretending to be L. Ron Hubbard and Tom Cruise just so the world'll be too dazed by the blinding clusterfuck that is Scientology to notice his antics. All this is part of a surprisingly elaborate plot to ensure Russian Hegemony over the entire world, culminating in the rebirth of Stalin, Lenin, and Kruschev in the form of Jesus, Elvis, and, oddly enough, Amelia Erhardt.

However, the mullahs in Tehran catch on to his little scheme and start producing nukes to deal with "the great northern menace." Putin doesn't say anything about it except offer to move their nuke program onto Russian soil so he can take it over because he knows the Iranians'll sell him out in a heartbeat. The U.S. gets all worked up about it, and Putin goes undercover to the U.S. disguised as Pat Robertson and declares a crusade against the Muslim Infidels, who must not be allowed to gain the holy secrets of God's Purging Fire (nuclear weapons). Bush, back to drinking after being summarily ousted from power in '08 is so enflamed that he organizes a quasi-military coup all paid for by Ken Lay and Bill Gates, resumes the presidency, and invades Iran with the 1st American Colonial Army, composed almost entirely of conscripts from the brand new 51st State....Iraq.

Iran gets so pissed off about this that Ayatollah Khomeini is rousted from his cryogenic sleep along with Walt Disney whom the Iranians got in a trade for the hostages in 1979 to go battle the shades of Stalin, Lenin, and Kruschev (alias Jesus, Elvis, and Amelia Erhardt) in a Final Fantasy-esque battle for the survival of the species......

Jerusalem going boom.


I don't think that will ever happen...ever

Not CT-ish enough. Who makes it go boom? And how much of it goes up/ Any holy sites targeted in particular? I NEED A SCENARIO, MAN!!!!!! :D
Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick.

How about a global clusterfuck? Iran attacks Israel, China attacks Taiwan, North Korea attacks South Korea, Russia attacks all of Eastern Europe, and, for the hell of it, Argentina attacks the Falklands, all at once!

OK, my personal hypothesis may be a little... far-flung, but here goes:

The anti-nuclear talks with Iran end in Iran giving a diplomatic f*** off to the rest of the world. The UN mandates weapons inspectors to be sent to Iran to check out its weapons dumps and search the country for "illegal" weapons--which, incidentally, are ok in the hands of America--and the weapons inspectors turn up nothing. Determined to start his 3rd war, Bush goes to the UN with a preposed resolution to force Iran to disarm its weapons the inspectors found no evidence of. France and Russia jointly veto the resolution, saying it is baseless. Failing in the UN, Bush sets an ultimatum saying that Ayatollah Seyyed Ali Khamenei must leave the country within 48 hours, or the U.S.-led coalition will invade. The Ayatollah refuses, and we go to war.

Good enough?

Eh, I'm not all that good at conspiracy theories, but I'll give it a go.

Bush, seeing his approval rating plummet after the continued failure in Iraq, decides something must be done to rebound. He decides that his interests may be best served by combining radical fundmentalist thought in the area of the country often called "Jesusland" and the patriotic fever that catches everytime something terrible happens. So he decides to secretly launch a few nuclear missiles from a submarine very close to Iran's coastline so it will look like Iran launched the nukes. They will hit NYC, San Fran, and one will fall on a rural area somewhere in Iowa. Each serves two perfect purposes. The one in NYC: first it will create a massive patriotic wave of support, and also it will destroy the largest liberal city in the country, ultimately helping approval ratings and the chances of the Republicans in '08. The one that hits San Fran: hopefully it will reel in California's support (as they are normally a very anti-war area) and also will probably kill a lot of gay people. The one in Iowa will create an even larger uproar in "Jesusland" and also allow Bush to say that they were targetting the Christian areas of the nation (but because it was in a rural area, it won't kill many of the Republicans there). From there Bush will have plenty of reason to attack Iran. The Iranians could go two ways, denial or take credit for something they wished they could have done. If they go denial Bush will still have enough support and will have images from outer space showing the missiles coming from Iran with "experts" saying that's where they had to have come from. Then, a plane built to be exactly like an Iranian plane will fly over where the city of Bethlaham was and drop a nuclear payload on it. Now it is a holy war too. At this point Bush has enough provocation to use nukes of his own. Iran is bombed back to the stone age and turned into a parking lot, a radioactive, corpse filled parking lot. Now, with the American people still behind him, he declares that "rouge regimes" having WMD cannot be allowed. So, without warning he launches a huge nuclear payload at North Korea. The Koreans try to respond, but they are too late. Now China is pissed. They declare war on the USA, just like Bush had planned from the start. China, having nukes of its own, fires at the USA. They target big cities and destroy them. Bush fakes the destruction of all the USA's nuclear silos. Then, after all the major cities in the United States are destroyed, Bush makes an under the table deal with China, promising that China will get secret control of the US economy and as many jobs as they could ever want. China agrees to this most advantagous deal and the war ends secretly. No one is told but the nukes stop coming. Bush claims that the CIA has been able to destroy China's nuke silos. It is nearing election time of '08 and Bush asks Congress to pass a bill allowing Bush to stay in power if he can get a 2/3 popular vote. Guess what, his only real challenge was in the big cities and all those are gone. He wins the election and declares himself Supreme Ruler by popular mandate. The people are shocked, but still more worried about China. The undertable deal becomes public when Chinese Secret Police come over and keep the population under Bush's and China's complete control. Welcome to Final Decision 2008.

When ever Israel gives the order, the US will attack.

It will be a covert attack too, American forces will go in at night and take out the Iranian scientific community as well as key politicians, since a full scale war is not logistically possible at the moment.

Conspiracy theory: London Bombings
on 7th of July 2005 4 great explosions were heard in and around london.
This was the result of 4 suicide bombers working on the behalf of Osama bin laden, or was it?

A small proportion of my being thinks that our government was responcible for these attacks.

1. With the increase of attacks in afganistan and british muslims supporting many of these Interfarders and indead suppling them with funding and the means to procure weapons the british government wishes to high-light that there funds are not going to rebals in the mountains but to terrorist cells located all over europe.
A week before the attacks the Government wanted to send upwards of 5,000 troops to afganistan to fight the terrorists but belived that there would be a national out cry against this action so needed a reason to continue the war on terror.
This Action not only made Britain shone these Murderers but to give them up in the dawn raids in leeds were all four lived in diffrent locations. An other result of these attacks is to create a better reason to send More Troops to Afganistan and hunt down and kill the Terrorists.

Although the terrorists are working or rather were working for Bin Laden it is plasible that MI5 (and Possible MI6) knew about the attack in advance
due to their survalance on one of the bombers but kept this information quiet from the metropolitan police and the NCS in order to let the terrorists carry out their horific plans and inturn give Britain an opertunaty to send more troops to Afganistan and possiblie invade an other Arab Dictatored country with or without American assistance after all Tony Blair did'nt do all that sucking up to George Bush for nothing did he?


Any chance of getting that in English?

Any chance of getting that in English?

I typed that up a while a week after the attack on notepad so that would explain the spelling mistakes. Very Basicly Tony Blair knew or even funded the attacks in london so we could send more troops to Afghanistan.

The moon isn't real, the RIAA is secretly running the world, and I am CONVINCED that there is a ninja on my lawn waiting to kill me.

I don't think that will ever happen...ever

It will happen one day and a new Jerusalem will arise in its place.

I'm totally onside with the CT that says Bush is not going to give up power, and declare martial law. However, he's DEFINITELY going to want to be called "King Bush." I will call him Lord of Shrubbery, as his newly dominated Empire marches north and takes Canada.

Since it's becoming more and more obvious that the Bush administration wants to move on to Iran (although with what military assets, I have no idea), and since his numbers on Iraq are beyond bad, and since it seems like the US public isn't buying into the Iran nuclear threat talk yet (or if they are, they don't trust Bush to do anything right about it), it seems to me that if Bush is going to get "Iraq II, We've Got the Right One This Time BayBee" to fly, he's going to need a little help, Gulf of Tonkin style.

So conspiracy theorists, put on your Sunday tinfoil hat for this one, and tell me--what's it gonna be? What will be the event that lets Bush push the big red button?
Ha, I'm not falling for this trick. You're with the Bush administration, and you just need to see who you need to purge. Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong.

OK, my personal hypothesis may be a little... far-flung, but here goes:

The anti-nuclear talks with Iran end in Iran giving a diplomatic f*** off to the rest of the world. The UN mandates weapons inspectors to be sent to Iran to check out its weapons dumps and search the country for "illegal" weapons--which, incidentally, are ok in the hands of America--and the weapons inspectors turn up nothing. Determined to start his 3rd war, Bush goes to the UN with a preposed resolution to force Iran to disarm its weapons the inspectors found no evidence of. France and Russia jointly veto the resolution, saying it is baseless. Failing in the UN, Bush sets an ultimatum saying that Ayatollah Seyyed Ali Khamenei must leave the country within 48 hours, or the U.S.-led coalition will invade. The Ayatollah refuses, and we go to war.

Good enough?
Dang.. that's a good one.. but strangely familiar some how.. let me think..

Dang.. that's a good one.. but strangely familiar some how.. let me think..


Hmm.... *cough*Iraq*cough*

Ha, I'm not falling for this trick. You're with the Bush administration, and you just need to see who you need to purge. Go ahead, tell me I'm wrong.
Got yer #, Nazz :P

BTW, do the Heaven's Gate folk factor in here somewhere?

It will happen one day and a new Jerusalem will arise in its place.

Yes, but only after Jerusalem has been destroyed by a nuke launched by the US to halt an alien invasion emitting from a stable, artificial wormhole with one opening at the Temple Mount. However, the aliens will continue their invasion and destroy all the earth's armies in approximately seven minutes. Shortly thereafter, all the governments of the world will surrender and a noble insurgency targetting civilians (since the alien military is untouchable) will arise. The governments will be amalgamated into one great big government run by S'tansown Luvchilde and subsidized by the aliens. Seven years later, the earth has been taxed to the nines and is low on resources, and another alien race will invade the earth using a stable, artificial wormhole, and 'liberate' the human race. Shortly thereafter, they will subsidize the construction of New Jerusalem on the site of the original city, where the first alien race invaded from.

A thousand years later, the first alien race will return and promptly be smote by the Almighty Fearless Leader of the second alien race and be condemned to the Lake of Fire.

Yes, but only after Jerusalem has been destroyed by a nuke launched by the US to halt an alien invasion emitting from a stable, artificial wormhole with one opening at the Temple Mount. However, the aliens will continue their invasion and destroy all the earth's armies in approximately seven minutes. Shortly thereafter, all the governments of the world will surrender and a noble insurgency targetting civilians (since the alien military is untouchable) will arise. The governments will be amalgamated into one great big government run by S'tansown Luvchilde and subsidized by the aliens. Seven years later, the earth has been taxed to the nines and is low on resources, and another alien race will invade the earth using a stable, artificial wormhole, and 'liberate' the human race. Shortly thereafter, they will subsidize the construction of New Jerusalem on the site of the original city, where the first alien race invaded from.

A thousand years later, the first alien race will return and promptly be smote by the Almighty Fearless Leader of the second alien race and be condemned to the Lake of Fire.Aren't you going to garner some trouble by publishing some of the holier secrets of Scientology?

Aren't you going to garner some trouble by publishing some of the holier secrets of Scientology?

Not Scientology....

But the Catholic Church might send some assassins after me. Or the Religious Right might unleash the KKK, Billy Graham, and the authors of The Left Behind series on my ass. Or both.

Not Scientology....

But the Catholic Church might send some assassins after me. Or the Religious Right might unleash the KKK, Billy Graham, and the authors of The Left Behind series on my ass. Or both.
As well as realigning your tax records to the current administration, for which in failing to qualify your spending/earning history for the past seven years, they find you succeptible to foreign/terrorist influence, and have you whisked away to a special "resort" on the quaint shores of the Nile in Egypt, where you're likely to hear a varied confluence of language, culture, and religious fervor that makes you wish you'd sided with all the others you'd offended.

A dirty bomb is planted by the administration in the middle of a very busy city (New York, most likely) on Saturday or Sunday when there are a lot of pedestrians about. After the bomb explodes, dispersing radioactive materials in every direction and causing widespread damage, Bush calls an investigation into the event. It turns out that the bomb was set by an Al Qaeda operative. Luckily, because of increased spending on the Deptartment of Homeland Security, that operative was apprehended. Under intense questioning, the terrorist revealed everything. He said that he was hired by Iran's government working in cooperation with Al Qaeda to "destroy the American way of life and bring death to the West." He obtained the radioactive materials from Iran's nuclear program, which he claimed was very close to building a viable nuclear bomb capable of destroying the US or Israel. It just cascades from there, resulting in the US declaring war.

As well as realigning your tax records to the current administration, for which in failing to qualify your spending/earning history for the past seven years, they find you succeptible to foreign/terrorist influence, and have you whisked away to a special "resort" on the quaint shores of the Nile in Egypt, where you're likely to hear a varied confluence of language, culture, and religious fervor that makes you wish you'd sided with all the others you'd offended.

Then I will teach the crocodiles sign language and unite them behind me. The sand-walkers will suffer under my eternal reign for their folly!

Then I will teach the crocodiles sign language and unite them behind me. The sand-walkers will suffer under my eternal reign for their folly!
Now THAT sounds like something i can write off on my taxes!

An Iranian national throws a tomato at Bush. Bush thinks it an act of war and invades Iran.

An Iranian national throws a tomato at Bush. Bush thinks it an act of war and invades Iran.
Biological warfare?

Then, i formally request for thine consideration La Tomatina, which Eutrusca "Grendel" posted the thread about for Lunatic "Flesh Skep" Goofballs to consider?

Biological warfare?

Then, i formally request for thine consideration La Tomatina, which Eutrusca "Grendel" posted the thread about for Lunatic "Flesh Skep" Goofballs to consider?

Yes he did have that thread on using food as weapon in WWII. I'm sure he could come up with something truly amazing to throw at Bush. :D

Yes he did have that thread on using food as weapon in WWII. I'm sure he could come up with something truly amazing to throw at Bush. :D
So would Tblisi have gone a smidge differently if the guy'd been tossing tomatos, ya think? :mad:


Ooh, btw, i read something about a guy attempting to assassinate Washington with tomato soup back in the day. He was including the stem.

Ooh, btw, i read something about a guy attempting to assassinate Washington with tomato soup back in the day. He was including the stem.

That would be quite amazing if it actually worked! :eek: :p

That would be quite amazing if it actually worked! :eek: :p
I guess people have actually died from eating the stem and a few other parts of the tomato plant, i'm led to believe.
With our current president, though, we don't even need anything so insidious. A pretzel nibbled at on a Segway, apparently, is more than accomodating enough.

So would Tblisi have gone a smidge differently if the guy'd been tossing tomatos, ya think? :mad:


Ooh, btw, i read something about a guy attempting to assassinate Washington with tomato soup back in the day. He was including the stem.
Shouldn't give you more than an upset stomach. It lacks the truly lethal tropane alkaloids of it's relatives in the nightshade family. No atropine, scopolamine hyoscyamine or nicotene. Only a little solanidine IIRC.

Shouldn't give you more than an upset stomach. It lacks the truly lethal tropane alkaloids of it's relatives in the nightshade family. No atropine, scopolamine hyoscyamine or nicotene. Only a little solanidine IIRC.
Ah. I was hoping for the Mythbusters version (so i can watch Kari Byron nibbling on a tomato *mmmmm*)
But, yours shall suffice. *sigh*

Ah. I was hoping for the Mythbusters version (so i can watch Kari Byron nibbling on a tomato *mmmmm*)
But, yours shall suffice. *sigh*
We should make up a myth involving popsicles. We could then watch her enthusiastically sucking on one of those. All in the name of science, of course.

We should make up a myth involving popsicles. We could then watch her enthusiastically sucking on one of those. All in the name of science, of course.
Don't make me love you! :fluffle:

As is, so far we've got her butt impression (Biscuit Bazooka episode),
her getting a smidge tipsy (driving distracted episode), and
in a bikini (shark episode).
I think there's another i made mention of a month or two ago.

Don't make me love you! :fluffle:

As is, so far we've got her butt impression (Biscuit Bazooka episode),
her getting a smidge tipsy (driving distracted episode), and
in a bikini (shark episode).
I think there's another i made mention of a month or two ago.

What About the Chicken Cannon?

Military coup. Basically, Bush launches a dirty bomb in Washington, claim it's Iranian terrorism. He orders the military to dispatch a battalion or so to Washington. He than detonates another dirty bomb in New York, declares a state of martial law, uses the military to strong arm congress, senate, and the supreme court, and basically becomes Dictator of the USA.

He than uses the dirty bombs to persuade the UN to let him go to war with Iran. The UN is going to be a little wary, considering Bush's anti-democratic tendencies, but if he can falsify enough proof, they'll go in.

America nukes Iran, than leaves the Middle East, saying "Our work is done." The Middle East is destablized, and eventually plunges into war. Isreal gets attacked, and America ignores their alliance and helps the Muslims invade. Now, the Muslims consider the US an ally, and let the US basically control the remaining countries via colonial rule.

The US cuts off oil by using their Saudi friends to stop the flow. Economies collaspe, and several countries agree to become part of America's super Empire in exchange for access to oil.

Eventually, America has enough colonies, and begins to attack the few remaining nations. China goes down with a fight, sucumbing to the Super Empire, than takes the Korean territories in the name of the Empire.

The US controls everything, and Emperor Bush reigns supreme. Now, if only those Canadians had come in and taught us our lessons when they had the chance.

P.S. Tinfoil hats actually help radio signals! You'll make it easier for the government to read your thoughts? :eek:

What About the Chicken Cannon?
I watched it recently .... what tantalizing subtleties did she employ on that one?

I watched it recently .... what tantalizing subtleties did she employ on that one?

Well I just Enjoy that one!

Well I just Enjoy that one!
Haven't seen one i didn't like yet.
I, obviously, like the ones SHE's in more ... :D

The event that the Bush Administration will use to justify Iran has already happened. ya, tahats right, im refering to 9-11. They jsut need to get everyone worked up and such, talk about the axis of evil, than march right in there, itl be just like iraq, except with an N instead of a Q

P.S. Tinfoil hats actually help radio signals! You'll make it easier for the government to read your thoughts?

Well no actually they won't, they improve signal reception of radio waves, NOT transmission, so basically wearing a tin foil hate means you become a very good potential human radio/TV ariel. You can transmit radio waves and radiowaves will pass through you less effectively as the metal will absorb the radiowaves.

So a tin hat will do exactly what the conspirists claim - INHIBIT TRANSMISSION OF RADIOWAVES I know all about this I have a wireless router you see I read the instruction manual n stuff.


I think that Rumsfeld will stage a brawl with Bush which is rigged so that he wins, but it looks like bush started it. Bush will be "beaten up" so badly he wont be able to carry out his job any more. Plus he randomly "started" the brawl, so he loses all credibilty as the president. Rumsfeld will then use his massive infuence over the Bush administration and Intelligence agencies to ensure he is made president.

From here he will order an invasion of Iran. He will be just like "fuck it, fuck diplomacy and staging/writing some elabarate/document event that gives us an excuse to invade Iran, lets just invade them straight up y'all, lets take the fight to them". Congress will move to oppose this sudden whim, but as they are about to do so, they blow up, yes, the building is rigged with a bomb, a dirty bomb, so it looks like terrorists did it. Rumsfeld will get his cronies to plant so brown guys with beards around the building around the time of the explosion, and the CIA / FBI / law enforment will recieve a "tip" minutes before the explosion. As they arrive on the scene they will see brown guys with beards running away, and arrest them, at least some of them (if there are many planted). And being the narrow minded gung-ho reactionary fools they are, arrest them and interrogate until false confessions are made saying well just islam in general being responsible for making them do this.

So now Rumsfeld can invade any Islamic country he was as he has proof that Islam Is Evil. So he takes control the middle east with soldiers consripted from Iranq (the new 51st state formed after rummy boys invasion of iran), brain washed into submission by subliminal messaging put into morning prayers broadcast from mosque loudspeakers all over this new state. He has middle east: the worlds main oil supply , so he now has the world by the balls. However China doesn't like this and becomes an islamo-ninja republic just to spite rumsfeld. President Hu Jintao is like "Lets go all FundamentaIslamoNinja on their ass". Swaths of sunni-chinese fluent in ninja fighting skills strapped with explosive belts enter the US and Europe (Jintaos like "WTF europeans are white too lets declare a fatwa on they ass too"). However its too late as Rumsfelds corperate cronies microsoft and google and general motors have installed windows operated loadspeakers all over the world as part of a plan to propagate an elaborate new advertising medium-industry. The loadspeakers emit subliminal messaging stop all opponents of America. And. Rumsfeld rules the world for another 30 years till his death in 2036, whence all hell breaks loose in the ensueing power vacuum. Crazed generals launch all the worlds nukes into space in an attempt to stop imaginary asteroids hitting the Earth. However the nukes (their rocket fuel has been eaten by SARS bacteria) are unable to escape the earths gravitional pull and fall back, resulting in world wide holocaust. Only androids and cyborgs created by tax dodging corperations survive and wipe out the remanants of humanity, a motley collection of pathetic, mutated scavengers. Then intergalactic tribes of aliens go commando on the cyborgs' ass and use earth as a toilet for their pet giant planet sized three headed dog for 3000 years. Earth is left covered in purple urine/goo and fades into the infinate abyss of the grand tapestry that is the history of the universe never to be remembered again................

This is easy. Bush will ressurect Hitler. He will then give him super-uber powers using the alien technology captured in 1947. He will then let Hitler loose in Israel. He will then blame the Iranians. Then he will send Hitler to Iran, and just before releasing him, giving him a drug which makes him think everyone is Jewish. Then the Chinese will intervene because they want the technology. They will kill Hitler with their nukes, officially making the Middle East a disaster zone. This is the real reason for going to war with Iran, so that we might own China. Bush will then drop Chuck Norris into China. 'Nuff said.

mole people will kill us "infidel surface folk" and rule with an iron fist