NationStates Jolt Archive

so my bf invites me to his friend's wedding that's like three months from now and he mentions that his mom liked me (we met each other's parents because there was this grad thing and everyone's parents came)

But yeah, I'm taking these as good signs...

I have green pants.

Don't read too much into it. If he's like me, he doesn't want to be bored at the wedding, and his parents mentioned that you were a nice girl.

Don't read too much into it. If he's like me, he doesn't want to be bored at the wedding, and his parents mentioned that you were a nice girl.
Ok. I haven't really been reading too much into it. It's best to take things as they come I suppose.

Ok. I haven't really been reading too much into it. It's best to take things as they come I suppose.

That is a good idea, but they are definitely good signs.

so my bf invites me to his friend's wedding that's like three months from now and he mentions that his mom liked me (we met each other's parents because there was this grad thing and everyone's parents came)

But yeah, I'm taking these as good signs...
maybe he wants to have a threesome with you...

I would seperate the two. (I know it's hard as a girl since we see everything as connected, but guys don't)

A) he wants to take you to a wedding, that could mean about 40 things, but guys (afaik) don't associate "wedding date" to be anymore than "movie date"

B) his mom likes you, either she does (and that's good) or she doesn't (and he doesn't want you to know)

guys are ambiguous at times, the best idea is to talk to him about it, although you could end up looking dumb, but he won't notice if you do, since they don't notice much anyway.

maybe he wants to have a threesome with you...
Well, he hasn't been pointing out any other cute girls or boys and making suggestions. Actually, the subject of threesomes came up in our conversation today and he said something about them fucking up relationships, so I don't think he'd be open to the idea.

maybe he wants to have a threesome with you...Stick to your green pants...

It's better to be annoying than offensive.

I would seperate the two. (I know it's hard as a girl since we see everything as connected, but guys don't)

A) he wants to take you to a wedding, that could mean about 40 things, but guys (afaik) don't associate "wedding date" to be anymore than "movie date"

B) his mom likes you, either she does (and that's good) or she doesn't (and he doesn't want you to know)

guys are ambiguous at times, the best idea is to talk to him about it, although you could end up looking dumb, but he won't notice if you do, since they don't notice much anyway.
You're a girl!!?????? OMG!!

*jumps out headfirst out of window and runs onto the freeway*

Well, he hasn't been pointing out any other cute girls or boys and making suggestions. Actually, the subject of threesomes came up in our conversation today and he said something about them fucking up relationships, so I don't think he'd be open to the idea.
Well, if you ever wanna have a threesome, you know where to find me...usually I'm with someone else.:cool:

Stick to your green pants...

It's better to be annoying than offensive.
I wasn't trying to be offensive. I was only joking. If I offended you, go fuck yourself.

You're a girl!!?????? OMG!!

*jumps out headfirst out of window and runs onto the freeway*

:eek:

did anyone else not realize I was a chick?!

seriously why do people assume me to be a 40 year old man? :( it's depressing that's what it is :(

(although it's never happened IRL so that's a plus) :D

I would seperate the two. (I know it's hard as a girl since we see everything as connected, but guys don't)
He brought them both up at lunch close together... like within 5 mins.

A) he wants to take you to a wedding, that could mean about 40 things, but guys (afaik) don't associate "wedding date" to be anymore than "movie date"
I know, but the wedding isn't until July, so he's making plans that far down the road...

B) his mom likes you, either she does (and that's good) or she doesn't (and he doesn't want you to know)
If he didn't want me to know he could have not said anything and I would have assumed she didn't say anything about me.

guys are ambiguous at times, the best idea is to talk to him about it, although you could end up looking dumb, but he won't notice if you do, since they don't notice much anyway.
Well, I'm just taking them as signals that he likes me and at least isn't making plans to dump me in the immediate future.

:eek:

did anyone else not realize I was a chick?!

seriously why do people assume me to be a 40 year old man? :( it's depressing that's what it is :(

(although it's never happened IRL so that's a plus) :D
Mostly because most people on NS are guys, and everyone assumes you're a guy until you start talking up relationships and gay stuff like that.

Yeah, this place is pretty much a sausage factory.

I would seperate the two. (I know it's hard as a girl since we see everything as connected, but guys don't)

A) he wants to take you to a wedding, that could mean about 40 things, but guys (afaik) don't associate "wedding date" to be anymore than "movie date"

B) his mom likes you, either she does (and that's good) or she doesn't (and he doesn't want you to know)

guys are ambiguous at times, the best idea is to talk to him about it, although you could end up looking dumb, but he won't notice if you do, since they don't notice much anyway.Right on the money. Speaking as a representative of the clueless gender, don't read too much into being a date for a wedding, we're not really wired to make the obvious connection. It's quite possible he just sees it as another occasion with a party. Really look at other aspects of your relationship to determine just 'how well' it's going.

so my bfStop right there.

Generally guys aren't in to the whole subtle hint thing. We just aren't socialised that way. Guys are socialised to say what's on their mind most of the time. We're just trained to be direct rather than indirect.

If you think he means something, ask him, but if you're going to make assumptions, take his actions at face value.

I know, but the wedding isn't until July, so he's making plans that far down the road...



Weddings usually require RSVPs far in advance. He may just be doing the polite thing.

I wasn't trying to be offensive. I was only joking. If I offended you, go fuck yourself.You'd have to do much better to offend me junior, I was just trying to save you from making an ass of yourself.
I've noticed it seems to be the one thing you're really good at, but you really should look into alternative occupations.

Right on the money. Speaking as a representative of the clueless gender, don't read too much into being a date for a wedding, we're not really wired to make the obvious connection. It's quite possible he just sees it as another occasion with a party. Really look at other aspects of your relationship to determine just 'how well' it's going.
Hmm... well, we joke and talk and have stupid games that we invented and play and we seem to have similar goals in the long run and ideas on how we want our lives to be, we have a lot of common interests and my knees still get weak when we kiss.

He brought them both up at lunch close together... like within 5 mins.
still could be totally unrelated though, men aren't as methodical as women, a lot of the time they don't even listen to what they say, we do though every single word, that's how we can remember entire conversations years later and they can't remember what we said 10 minutes after we said it.


I know, but the wedding isn't until July, so he's making plans that far down the road...
that depends, is he usually a "last minute" kind of guy, if so you could read into it that he wants to keep you around, if however he is a planner you might just chalk it up to him trying to figure stuff out ahead of time.


If he didn't want me to know he could have not said anything and I would have assumed she didn't say anything about me.
but, if she did say something, positive or neg. he might have felt like he owed you feedback, and if it was neg. then he might feel like if he told you that you wouldn't go to the wedding (leaving him without a date )


Well, I'm just taking them as signals that he likes me and at least isn't making plans to dump me in the immediate future.
he probably likes you, I mean he hangs out with you right? You could be brave and just ask him though.

Stop right there.

Generally guys aren't in to the whole subtle hint thing. We just aren't socialised that way. Guys are socialised to say what's on their mind most of the time. We're just trained to be direct rather than indirect.

If you think he means something, ask him, but if you're going to make assumptions, take his actions at face value.
ok. I won't read anything into it.

As a male, I wouldn't invite a girl to a wedding three months down the track, or tell her that my mother likes her, unless I thought we had a future together.

You'd have to do much better to offend me junior, I was just trying to save you from making an ass of yourself.
I've noticed it seems to be the one thing you're really good at, but you really should look into alternative occupations.
This is what you said:

Stick to your green pants...

It's better to be annoying than offensive.
So, I could only assume I somehow offended you because you stated that I was being (get ready)...offensive.

Now let's end this argument because it's pointless.

As a male, I wouldn't invite a girl to a wedding three months down the track, or tell her that my mother likes her, unless I thought we had a future together.
Oh, great, now you're gonna confuse her even more.

still could be totally unrelated though, men aren't as methodical as women, a lot of the time they don't even listen to what they say, we do though every single word, that's how we can remember entire conversations years later and they can't remember what we said 10 minutes after we said it.
True.

he probably likes you, I mean he hangs out with you right? You could be brave and just ask him though.
I think it's fine to just take things as they go... I know he likes me and I think that's enough for this point.

ok. I won't read anything into it.
all we are saying is talk to the guy. Seriously, if I read anything into what my husband said, I would be pissed off at him all the time.

"hey, she's kinda cute"
"yeah?"
"did you go to the gym today?"

see? completely unrelated, but as a woman I hear "hey, she's cute, you are fat"

when what he meant was "hey she's cute" and completely seperate thought "did you go to the gym today?" (because he wanted to know if the gym towel was still clean in the bag, or if he needed to wash a load of laundry so he could go)

Oh, great, now you're gonna confuse her even more.

Well, everyone's different aren't they? It's the beauty of humanity.

Well, everyone's different aren't they? It's the beauty of humanity.
Look, man, this girl is just trying to get some quality advice about stuff. Now, when you got nine people saying that the whole wedding invitation doesn't mean anything, and you've got one person saying it means something, and she wants it to mean something, do you understand what I'm trying to say?

So, I could only assume I somehow offended you because you stated that I was being (get ready)...offensive. Jeez.. young men really are clueless knuckledraggers. God I shudder when I realize I was once that thick.
You were responding to a young lady genius with the threesome remark... Ever consider that I might be thinking of her when I refered to your remark as offensive?

Now let's end this argument because it's pointless.Yeah, let's.

Look, man, this girl is just trying to get some quality advice about stuff. Now, when you got nine people saying that the whole wedding invitation doesn't mean anything, and you've got one person saying it means something, and she wants it to mean something, do you understand what I'm trying to say?

That I'm not allowed to give my opinion?

Look, man, this girl is just trying to get some quality advice about stuff. Now, when you got nine people saying that the whole wedding invitation doesn't mean anything, and you've got one person saying it means something, and she wants it to mean something, do you understand what I'm trying to say?
Well, I don't know that I want it to mean something. It would be nice if it did, but if it doesn't it's still nice.

:eek:

did anyone else not realize I was a chick?!

seriously why do people assume me to be a 40 year old man? :( it's depressing that's what it is :(

(although it's never happened IRL so that's a plus) :D

Wrong, it is more depressing to be a 40 year old man. :(

That I'm not allowed to give my opinion?
No, that the individuality of humanity has nothing to do with what this thread is about.

Well, I don't know that I want it to mean something. It would be nice if it did, but if it doesn't it's still nice.
you are fooling yourself. Women naturally pick up on stuff, if you are having to decide what to read into something, then you really want it to be one way or the other. It's cool to be all apathetic about it, if you really are, but convincing yourself that you don't care when you really do, is just asking for trouble.

As a male, I wouldn't invite a girl to a wedding three months down the track, or tell her that my mother likes her, unless I thought we had a future together.Yeah I wouldn't either...now, but 20 years ago I wouldn't have connected the dots.

BTW just how old is your Beau Dakini?

Wrong, it is more depressing to be a 40 year old man. :(
with a beerbelly.

you are fooling yourself. Women naturally pick up on stuff, if you are having to decide what to read into something, then you really want it to be one way or the other. It's cool to be all apathetic about it, if you really are, but convincing yourself that you don't care when you really do, is just asking for trouble.
Well, no, it's just that I've never had a guy invite me along to a wedding before or bring up out of the blue that his mom liked me so I'm not sure if there's something meant by it.
I'm quite happy with things the way they are, and while it would be kinda nice to know precicely how he feels about me, I do know that he likes me, I'm not sure how much or anything, but I'll find out eventually really.

Yeah I wouldn't either...now, but 20 years ago I wouldn't have connected the dots.

BTW just how old is your Beau Dakini?
He's 23.

No, that the individuality of humanity has nothing to do with what this thread is about.

Rubbish. If that was the case, Dakini wouldn't need to ask for advice, because everyone would have the same response to situations & she'd know exactly what her bf meant. It's precisely because everyone is different, has different respones, implies different meanings to what they do & say, that these sorts of ambiguities arise.

all we are saying is talk to the guy. Seriously, if I read anything into what my husband said, I would be pissed off at him all the time.

"hey, she's kinda cute"
"yeah?"
"did you go to the gym today?"

see? completely unrelated, but as a woman I hear "hey, she's cute, you are fat"

when what he meant was "hey she's cute" and completely seperate thought "did you go to the gym today?" (because he wanted to know if the gym towel was still clean in the bag, or if he needed to wash a load of laundry so he could go)
Hit the nail right on the head there, Smunkeeville.

Call me stupid if you must, but I don't make connections like that when I talk. Even such an obvious one as your example is something I just wouldn't have seen.

It's good to see you've made some progress understanding the male mind. Now if only I were up to the task of understanding the female mind...

...stop being so insecure. No one knows your relationship besides you. Does it mean anything? Well all we can tell you is it means that he wants you to go to a wedding with him that is three months away. To half of the responses you bring up how well you think things are going...so what are you asking about? Things are going well, enjoy it and stop trying to figure out every little thing he is thinking.

I can see asking about something you are gonna do or about something that seems really shady and you are worried someone is getting ready to break up with you or something. But you are basically looking for reassurence that a dude you already know that likes you likes you. Enjoy the ride you don't need to know what it means just go to the wedding and have fun.

Personally, and I think a lot of guys feel the same way, it is pretty annoying to have a girl reading into everything you are doing. If he wants you to go he will ask you to. If he doesn't he won't ask you to. We aren't math problems you don't need to figure shit out. Just go with it and relax.

Rubbish. If that was the case, Dakini wouldn't need to ask for advice, because everyone would have the same response to situations & she'd know exactly what her bf meant. It's precisely because everyone is different, has different respones, implies different meanings to what they do & say, that these sorts of ambiguities arise.
Indeed.

still could be totally unrelated though, men aren't as methodical as women, a lot of the time they don't even listen to what they say, we do though every single word, that's how we can remember entire conversations years later and they can't remember what we said 10 minutes after we said it.
Unless you're me, I remember everything.

My fiancee thinks this is unfair because it removes the favorite tactic of women, namely confronting me with something I forgot. :D

Of course she also thinks it's not fair that I can cook well too, she can't threaten to withold dinner either. :p

Back to the topic at hand, most men are about as subtle as a brick to the head. But having said that, mentioning that his family not only approves but likes you is a good sign.

He just may not be aware of this yet though.

Well, no, it's just that I've never had a guy invite me along to a wedding before or bring up out of the blue that his mom liked me so I'm not sure if there's something meant by it.
I'm quite happy with things the way they are, and while it would be kinda nice to know precicely how he feels about me, I do know that he likes me, I'm not sure how much or anything, but I'll find out eventually really.
or you could just ask him.

men (in my experience) value straight forward communication. He will respect you for not assuming anything and also will feel more comfortable talking to you if he knows that you are the kind of woman that will sit down and have a real conversation.

Rubbish. If that was the case, Dakini wouldn't need to ask for advice, because everyone would have the same response to situations & she'd know exactly what her bf meant. It's precisely because everyone is different, has different respones, implies different meanings to what they do & say, that these sorts of ambiguities arise.
Right, but my point still stands. It's better to go with the majority opinion most of the time. The dissenting view made her more confused, especially because (I presume) the dissenting view was what she wanted to hear.

He's 23.Hmmm... hard to say there... at that age he could be looking to settle down for the long haul (happens to be the age I started my family).

Or he could just as likely still be looking forward to the next big X-box game (I know guys older than that who still don't think beyond their next buzz).

You seem like a bright young person, you're just gonna have to trust your own senses and instinct. Just don't rush into anything, take your time.

*snip*
Back to the topic at hand, most men are about as subtle as a brick to the head. But having said that, mentioning that his family not only approves but likes you is a good sign.

He just may not be aware of this yet though.

I think this is very true. Men really don't think ahead like that in relationships. We tend to just enjoy how the relationship unfolds, and only later on realise that it's become a long term, serious relationship. Which is not to say that we don't want these things, just that we don't really wonder about "where it's going". That's my personal experience anyway.

or you could just ask him.

men (in my experience) value straight forward communication. He will respect you for not assuming anything and also will feel more comfortable talking to you if he knows that you are the kind of woman that will sit down and have a real conversation.
*Bingbong!*
She got it right there. Ask, it's really the best way. DON'T start talking about children or weddings, but just ask him how he feels about you.

He might be feeling a whole lot but has no idea how to actually let you know unless you give him a chance.

Right, but my point still stands. It's better to go with the majority opinion most of the time. The dissenting view made her more confused, especially because (I presume) the dissenting view was what she wanted to hear.

No, I disagree, your point doesn't stand.

If you want to be one of the herd & do what everyone else does, then go along with the majority opinion all the time.

If you want to be yourself, then listen to the opinions of others, think about what you've heard/read & make choices based on what you think is best.

No, I disagree, your point doesn't stand.

If you want to be one of the herd & do what everyone else does, then go along with the majority opinion all the time.

If you want to be yourself, then listen to the opinions of others, think about what you've heard/read & make choices based on what you think is best.
I said most of the time. Not all the time. There's a big difference.

:eek:

did anyone else not realize I was a chick?!

seriously why do people assume me to be a 40 year old man? :( it's depressing that's what it is :(

(although it's never happened IRL so that's a plus) :D


You mean you are not a 40 yr old man??? dang..and i was beginning to like you:p

You mean you are not a 40 yr old man??? dang..and i was beginning to like you:p
with a beerbelly. Don't forget the beerbelly!!!!!!!!

I said most of the time. Not all the time. There's a big difference.

Ok, most of the time then. I still disagree with you.

Well..in response to the OP..I would say don't look to much into it. As a guy i know that we do and say things that women can take as something completly else...Like i asked a friend from back home to go out and have dinner...i intended it as a friendly thing..well some 2 weeks after she broke up with her BF becuase she thought i wanted to be with her, and she secretly had a thing for me..see that mess?

But on the other hand..if you think he might be giving hints..why don't you drop a few subtle ones of your own...bring up the wedding some how..and tie in how you might want to settle down sometime soon or soemthing..idk... but thats all i have

Ok, most of the time then. I still disagree with you.
But don't you agree that more often than not, the majority is right?

Or are you disagreeing just to piss me off?

with a beerbelly. Don't forget the beerbelly!!!!!!!!

Yeah..lol..i always say "why bother getting a 6 pack, when you can have a keg"(in refrence to a beer belly)

But don't you agree that more often than not, the majority is right?

Or are you disagreeing just to piss me off?

No I don't. Just because something is the most popular, doesn't make it the best.

No I don't. Just because something is the most popular, doesn't make it the best.
But this is about relationship advice, not the latest cellphone, or emo band. I think you can trust most people(excluding me) when it come to relationship advice.

But this is about relationship advice, not the latest cellphone, or emo band. I think you can trust most people(excluding me) when it come to relationship advice.

Like I said, listen to the variety of differing opinions & make your own decision, whatever that ends up being.

Like I said, listen to the variety of differing opinions & make your own decision, whatever that ends up being.
Works for me.

But on the other hand..if you think he might be giving hints..why don't you drop a few subtle ones of your own...bring up the wedding some how..and tie in how you might want to settle down sometime soon or soemthing..idk... but thats all i have
Well, I'm not wanting to settle down right away. I'm not sure about the immediate future, I mean, he's leaving the country for grad school in September, as great as things are now, I have no idea how they'll hold up over a long distance, if they pan out over the time I'm stuck here finishing my degree, then I might go join him and try to find a job over there before I go off to teacher's college (my most likely destination) but I know there's a good chance this might not work out at all over a long distance for 8 months.
I would say I'm being cautiously optimistic about this whole thing.

I wasn't trying to be offensive. I was only joking. If I offended you, go fuck yourself.
You're a fucking asshole. point made.
on a different note, in response to this topic.
Erm that is good signs in my opinion... and im a guy... and if my mum didn't like me gf i would tell my mum to **** off and tell my gf that she is welcome here anyways. But i wouldn't lie and say that she likes her if she doesn't so yeah all looking good in my opinion.

so my bf invites me to his friend's wedding that's like three months from now and he mentions that his mom liked me (we met each other's parents because there was this grad thing and everyone's parents came)

When a guy says he wants to invite you to his friend's wedding and that his mom likes you, what he really means is that he wants to invite you to his friends wedding and his mom likes you.

However, if it was a girl saying that it could mean anything.

When a guy says he wants to invite you to his friend's wedding and that his mom likes you, what he really means is that he wants to invite you to his friends wedding and his mom likes you.

However, if it was a girl saying that it could mean anything.
I wish i could of phrased it so accurately. :)

You're a fucking asshole. point made.
.
Another vote of no confidence!!

Another vote of no confidence!!
What the?? please explain this to me.

What the?? please explain this to me.
I was merely stating that you're not the first person who has said that, either on this forum or in real life. So yeah, being called an asshole is nothing new to me.

I was merely stating that you're not the first person who has said that, either on this forum or in real life. So yeah, being called an asshole is nothing new to me.
To be honest im not that surprised, but thanks for taking the time to explain. :)

or you could just ask him.

men (in my experience) value straight forward communication. He will respect you for not assuming anything and also will feel more comfortable talking to you if he knows that you are the kind of woman that will sit down and have a real conversation.

Dakini,

You have to be extremely careful about this. There is a strong chance this could turn into an awkward situation, and in that case he could give you any number of answers. Most likely whatever you want to hear, but there is no telling how true it would be.

Just don't be so self-conscious about the relationship and take it as it comes. It is obvious that it is going well, but from past threads you seem to be a helpless romantic and get very involved very quickly.

To be honest im not that surprised, but thanks for taking the time to explain. :)
Don't mention it.

You have to be extremely careful about this. There is a strong chance this could turn into an awkward situation, and in that case he could give you any number of answers. Most likely whatever you want to hear, but there is no telling how true it would be.
Well, yeah, that's why I figure I wait until he just outright tells me how he feels. Hell, I know I wouldn't want to be put on the spot like that.

Just don't be so self-conscious about the relationship and take it as it comes. It is obvious that it is going well, but from past threads you seem to be a helpless romantic and get very involved very quickly.
I know, and that's what I'm trying to do.