NationStates Jolt Archive

Who would win, and why? Describe the titanic encounter in 4 sentences or less. Wearing a fez and knitting a scarf in the process with earn extra marks.

Who would win, and why? Describe the titanic encounter in 4 sentences or less. Wearing a fez and knitting a scarf in the process with earn extra marks.

Samuel gives that droopy lookin' stare and says to Chuck "what you lookin at mutha -fukk.." when a high kicking cowboy boot heel hits him square in the face, ending his sentence.
I lost my fez. Or-it was stolen.
I cant knit.

Samuel wins by default.

The whole Norris thing's been run into the ground.

Chuck Norris.

The only reason that Jackson survived geting shot at in Pulp Fiction was because God/Chuck Norris didn't think it was time for him to die. So when Samuel Jackson meets face to face with Chuck Norris and says: "You can't kill ME! I have GOD on my side!" he can answer "I am God!" and roundhouse kicks him.

Samuel wins by default.

The whole Norris thing's been run into the ground.

Thou heretic! We that follow the Ultimate Deity of Roundhousekickingness shall not tolerate such foul abuse of his name! Prepare to be sacrificed!

Oh yeah. The story:

Chuck kills Samuel L. Jackson in one faster-than-lightspeed roundhouse kick while knitting a fez.

Who would win, and why? Describe the titanic encounter in 4 sentences or less. Wearing a fez and knitting a scarf in the process with earn extra marks.
OMG, you are SO sexy:eek:

OMG, you are SO sexy:eek:

I know.

I know.
You make me moist in most special places
/Weebl

Norris wins because Jackson doesn't turn up because he's too busy appearing in every film ever made.

You make me moist in most special places
/Weebl

Excellent. Go now, and spread the moistness!

I mean, spread it to other people...not, uh....

Anyway.

Chuck Norris would tear off Samuel L's fake pony tail and the latter would run away screaming like a stuck pig.

Excellent. Go now, and spread the moistness!

I mean, spread it to other people...not, uh....

Anyway.

Kinky.

Excellent. Go now, and spread the moistness!

I mean, spread it to other people...not, uh....

Anyway.
Yes, my sexy Lord

SLJ, thats easy. He's a bad mother

OK, it has nothing to do with the topic, but this legostar galatica comic has been begging to be put into a thread, and as it has the lego representation of Samual L Jackson in it, it's worth it :D

http://legostargalactica.comicgen.com/d/20050627.html

OK, it has nothing to do with the topic, but this legostar galatica comic has been begging to be put into a thread, and as it has the lego representation of Samual L Jackson in it, it's worth it :D

http://legostargalactica.comicgen.com/d/20050627.html

Lawl.

OK, it has nothing to do with the topic, but this legostar galatica comic has been begging to be put into a thread, and as it has the lego representation of Samual L Jackson in it, it's worth it :D

http://legostargalactica.comicgen.com/d/20050627.html

This one is excellent. (http://legostargalactica.comicgen.com/d/20050805.html)

This one is excellent. (http://legostargalactica.comicgen.com/d/20050805.html)

ZOMG! They killed Yar Yar!

Part3yh!

OK, it has nothing to do with the topic, but this legostar galatica comic has been begging to be put into a thread, and as it has the lego representation of Samual L Jackson in it, it's worth it :D

http://legostargalactica.comicgen.com/d/20050627.html

That's awesome. *bookmarks*

I think Kanabia is teh sexy. Must be the fez (http://www.ne-sa.org/37%2005%20Fez%20Tie%20and%20Jacket4.jpg). :)

I think Kanabia is teh sexy. Must be the fez (http://www.ne-sa.org/37%2005%20Fez%20Tie%20and%20Jacket4.jpg). :)

LOL - where did you pull that pic from?

(Google I guess...and are you sure? That jacket is pretty sexy too.)

Anyone who votes for Chuck Norris is a newb.

<-- So sick of Chuck I just stabbed myself in the eye with a fork to try to forget about him.

Samuel L. Jackson, clearly. Because of Snakes On A Plane. (http://imdb.com/title/tt0417148/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxrdz0xfHE9c25ha2VzIG9uIGEgcGxhbmV8ZnQ9MXxteD0yMHxsbT01MDB8Y289MXxo dG1sPTF8bm09MQ__;fc=1;ft=22) Because of this fact: Samuel L. Jackson only signed on for this film because the title was "Snakes on a Plane". When the film makers tried to change it to "Flight 121", Jackson was adamant to keep it "Snakes on a Plane".

Samuel L. Jackson, clearly. Because of Snakes On A Plane. (http://imdb.com/title/tt0417148/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxrdz0xfHE9c25ha2VzIG9uIGEgcGxhbmV8ZnQ9MXxteD0yMHxsbT01MDB8Y289MXxo dG1sPTF8bm09MQ__;fc=1;ft=22)

:D

LOL - where did you pull that pic from?
Oh, surely you remember your family album, sweety?

...and are you sure? That jacket is pretty sexy too.
Well, I think it's a combination of your manly mustache, your luscious legs, and the fact that you're standing proud in Peacock Alley.


*fans self*

Oh, and just to be on topic for a second:

Samuel L. Jackson. Obviously. That's not even a contest. What's with the stupid-ass questions today, Topher?

I used to tolerate Chuck Norris as an overrated actor and wannabe martial artist. Kinda like a REALLY sucky Johhny Cage who didn't have the cool nutcracker move.

After being on this forum, however, I now believe that Chuck Norris is teh uberlame. And his fans make Shrub look like a Rhodes Scholar.

I used to tolerate Chuck Norris as an overrated actor and wannabe martial artist. Kinda like a REALLY sucky Johhny Cage who didn't have the cool nutcracker move.

After being on this forum, however, I now believe that Chuck Norris is teh uberlame. And his fans make Shrub look like a Rhodes Scholar.

:eek:

Ancient, decrepit has-been Chuck roundhousekicks at Samuel Mutherfuckin' Jackson. SMJ pulls the knitting needles out of the Fez Chuck was knitting, sidesteps the painfully slow kick, and jabs them into Chuck's side. Chuck, having broken his hip trying that move, falls over and bleeds to death.

Samuel gives that droopy lookin' stare and says to Chuck "what you lookin at mutha -fukk.." when a high kicking cowboy boot heel hits him square in the face, ending his sentence.
I lost my fez. Or-it was stolen.
I cant knit.

Almost. Cowboy boot comes flying when Samuel pulls out his awesome purple lightsabre and slices off Chucks foot. Chuck lies there in the dust, screaming like a girl

Almost. Cowboy boot comes flying when Samuel pulls out his awesome purple lightsabre and slices off Chucks foot. Chuck lies there in the dust, screaming like a girl

That's just before SLJ wakes up screaming.

Samuel wins by default.

The whole Norris thing's been run into the ground.
Agreed. Jackson wins because he was cool 15+ years ago and still is; and the whole Chuck Norris fad is just a bunch of silly bullshit perpetuated by people who have little or no idea what they're talking about. Seems like everywhere I turn on the goddamn internet some fuckin' moron is prattling about how badass Norris is, if only because everyone else is doing it. Nine months ago these people probably barely knew who he was. The jokes were mildly amusing when they first came around, but now they've been repeated endlessly by people who evidently still think it's "fresh" material.

That's just before SLJ wakes up screaming.

Don't be scared; I too once took part in dancing around the jokes of Chuck Norris. Then I realised that shit was gay and old.

"Say what again!"

Don't be scared; I too once took part in dancing around the jokes of Chuck Norris. Then I realised that shit was gay and old.

"Say what again!"
0ld sk00l

Agreed. Jackson wins because he was cool 15+ years ago and still is; and the whole Chuck Norris fad is just a bunch of silly bullshit perpetuated by people who have little or no idea what they're talking about. Seems like everywhere I turn on the goddamn internet some fuckin' moron is prattling about how badass Norris is, if only because everyone else is doing it. Nine months ago these people probably barely knew who he was. The jokes were mildly amusing when they first came around, but now they've been repeated endlessly by people who evidently still think it's "fresh" material.

Holy shit, did I actually agree with Melkor on something?

*checks*

Yep.

*watches the fabric of space-time disintergrate around him*

:p

Holy shit, did I actually agree with Melkor on something?

*checks*

Yep.

*watches the fabric of space-time disintergrate around him*

:p
Just goes to show how poor an excuse "But everyone else is doing it!" really is. ;)

Puh!

Lease!

Morgan Freeman(God) would beat the crap out of all of them! Without Morgan Freeman(God) neither of them would exist! Morgan Freeman(God) Delegates the knitting of the fez to Celine Dion.

Sam Jackson blows Chuck Norris's brains out after reciting the Bible passage from Pulp Fiction.

Then Sean Connery comes from out of nowwhere and kicks Jackson's ass.

SLJ and I give you 4 simple reasons:

BMF
Soamfp
Jedi

http://www.cohguru.com/forum/images/smilies/heroes/pawn_2guns.gif http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/shakko.gif"What?"

Get a sense of humour, people.

Most people who find the chuck norris jokes funny don't really think he's all that. Its just fun to have some fake idolic figure who you can boast about. Its funny, so many of the people here seem to hate it only because its mainstream. Not everything mainstream is bad.

I voted for Kanabia being teh sexy beast does that make me desperate or idealistic?

Get a sense of humour, people.

Most people who find the chuck norris jokes funny don't really think he's all that. Its just fun to have some fake idolic figure who you can boast about. Its funny, so many of the people here seem to hate it only because its mainstream. Not everything mainstream is bad.

It's OLD

Why does no one mention Kwai Chang Caine in these threads? He's the one who popularized the martial arts thing back in the '70s. Is it because he's too much the pacifist?

It's OLD

Ah, only on the 'net. It's still cool at school, so I'm ahead of the curve. Rather awesome.

Get a sense of humour, people.

Most people who find the chuck norris jokes funny don't really think he's all that. Its just fun to have some fake idolic figure who you can boast about. Its funny, so many of the people here seem to hate it only because its mainstream. Not everything mainstream is bad.
I don't hate it 'cause it's mainstream - I totally loathe it 'cause it's frikking annoying! Every single thread has someone posting crap about Nuck Chorris sooner or later. That's annoying. Not. Funny.

Norris wins in all scenarios that don't involve snakes and planes. Or jerry curl. If Samuel L. is wearing a jerry curl wig and carrying a wallet that says "Bad Motherfucker," it's all over for Chuck.

Why does no one mention Kwai Chang Caine in these threads? He's the one who popularized the martial arts thing back in the '70s. Is it because he's too much the pacifist?

Here's an interesting question. Who would win the fight; Kwai-Chang Caine, or Bill?

Here's an interesting question. Who would win the fight; Kwai-Chang Caine, or Bill?
Mmm, good question! Now I have an excuse (besides Uma) to see those Tarentino movies ;)

I was going to vote for SLJ, until I spotted the irresistable third option! :p

Chuck would concieve of Jackson dieng of a Round house kick. Jackson would never again be seen, dead or alive, because the force of this thought would be so powerful it would uncreate Jackson, and nothing would be left of him, ever, for the rest of eternity. Period. End of sentence.

Norris wins in all scenarios that don't involve snakes and planes. Or jerry curl. If Samuel L. is wearing a jerry curl wig and carrying a wallet that says "Bad Motherfucker," it's all over for Chuck.I say Sam all the way, jerry curl or not. One of my favorite scenes of all time is when he's thrown out of a moving car by Geena Davis doing 40 mph. He reaches in his pocket pulls out a cigarette, lights it and smokes it just laying there in the road while the cars wizz by until Geena comes back around a picks him up. A man like that is invincible to round-house kicks.

Samuel L Jackson wins...

A) He has a purple lightsaber
B) He played shaft
C) he is the baddest mo fo in the universe

and finally...

Chuck norris takes it in the anus...

All I have to say is BMF!!

my vote is with the "mushroom cloud layin motherfucker"

"I'm the foot fucking master. I got my form down and everything; I don't even tickle."- Jules

Jackson wins because lightsaber > roundhouse kick.
I don't own a fez.
My scarf came out all mis-shapen, does it still count?
Kanabia is sexy.

\o/

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Jackson in the face, who just stares at him and says "Muthafucka, please!"... Chuck Norris then shits a solid steel brick which Jackson promptly retrieves and beats the fuck out of Chuck with till he dies.

Norris stands assured in his role as America's badass, so recently "defibrillated" from retirement.

Samuel L. stands behind Norris with a .45 loaded, because he IS America's badass.

BANG!

Fuck Chuck! (http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=590)