NationStates Jolt Archive

Some time ago, as many of you probably know, I went through a bout of depression. It consisted of the full deluxe package: self-esteem issues, suicidal thoughts, motivation problems, seratonin supplies bled white, and the rest of that crap. You know what I mean; everyone goes through this at least twice in their lives. Now, fortunately, I'm over it... I've gotten over almost everything.

Instead of the negative emotions of depression, I now feel none at all. While that is a good thing, that includes motivation... I feel no motivation or pressure to do anything. I'm doing badly in school, cannot complete my work, and almost never feel like doing anything. Yet, I'm perfectly satisfied with that and almost enjoying myself... so it's not depression. There's simply a part of me feeling that something's missing... namely, it really wants me to get back the drive and ambition to carry out my nefarious plans for world domination, the destruction of humanity, and pie.

So, any suggestions here?

it could still be the chemical end of depression, without certian chemicals in balance we as humans feel pretty apathetic. I would call your doctor if I were you and talk to him about it.

I went through the numb apathy thing for a while, it was about 60% chemical, and 40% me not dealing properly with my depression in the first place.

I said it yesterday when someone else was complaining about emptiness, and I'll say it again:
Emptiness is just the feeling of manliness entering the body. Rejoice in your new found masculinity! Run outside, throw off your shirt, and flex your muscles at passing mimes.

Ok, thank you. I'll think about that, and talk to a doctor ... tomorrow. :p


No, j/k.

I said it yesterday when someone else was complaining about emptiness, and I'll say it again:
Emptiness is just the feeling of manliness entering the body. Rejoice in your new found masculinity! Run outside, throw off your shirt, and flex your muscles at passing mimes.
I'm not exactly empty... /checks/ at the moment I'm full of nerve, muscle, bone, skin, water, assorted hydrocarbons, the remnants of my breakfast....

Perhaps its time to carry out your nefarious acts of world domination with pie.

Instead of the negative emotions of depression, I now feel none at all. While that is a good thing, that includes motivation... I feel no motivation or pressure to do anything. I'm doing badly in school, cannot complete my work, and almost never feel like doing anything. Yet, I'm perfectly satisfied with that and almost enjoying myself... so it's not depression. There's simply a part of me feeling that something's missing... namely, it really wants me to get back the drive and ambition to carry out my nefarious plans for world domination, the destruction of humanity, and pie.

So, any suggestions here?

Well, I started feeling like that at about 16, and I'm still pretty much there, 8 years later. Depressing huh? Well I manage to motivate myself sometimes for really important stuff, but it never lasts.

You need a goal. I always have a goal or a project I'm working on. For instance, I am planning several for charity events for my town's carnival. I'm trying to talk several town leaders into undergoing police strip-searches as a fundraiser. SO far, no takers. Except for that ugly tax assessor lady. :p

You need a goal. I always have a goal or a project I'm working on. For instance, I am planning several for charity events for my town's carnival. I'm trying to talk several town leaders into undergoing police strip-searches as a fundraiser. SO far, no takers. Except for that ugly tax assessor lady. :p

I'll do it for free. :)

Perhaps its time to carry out your nefarious acts of world domination with pie.
I know it is, but I can't drum up the motivation to get off the internet and execute them. Maybe I need a forumban. :p

Well, I started feeling like that at about 16, and I'm still pretty much there, 8 years later. Depressing huh? Well I manage to motivate myself sometimes for really important stuff, but it never lasts.
Damn. See, that's exactly what I don't want to happen to me. In seven years I'd much rather be the most powerful warlord on post-nuclear-apocalyptic Earth or the leader of the largest cult of personality in history, not in the same slump I'm in now. And that's why I'm here today...

Some time ago, as many of you probably know, I went through a bout of depression. It consisted of the full deluxe package: self-esteem issues, suicidal thoughts, motivation problems, seratonin supplies bled white, and the rest of that crap. You know what I mean; everyone goes through this at least twice in their lives. Now, fortunately, I'm over it... I've gotten over almost everything.

Instead of the negative emotions of depression, I now feel none at all. While that is a good thing, that includes motivation... I feel no motivation or pressure to do anything. I'm doing badly in school, cannot complete my work, and almost never feel like doing anything. Yet, I'm perfectly satisfied with that and almost enjoying myself... so it's not depression. There's simply a part of me feeling that something's missing... namely, it really wants me to get back the drive and ambition to carry out my nefarious plans for world domination, the destruction of humanity, and pie.

So, any suggestions here?
i don't know what it is specifically but i do know exactly what you're talking about in that i feel that too. have done ever since my own depression last year, and it is slowly - ever so slowly - ebbing away to real emotions and motivation for things. but slowly, and in the mean-time i tend to just get a lot of negative emotions and very little positive ones, which sucks...

but this isn't about me so i'll shut up. i would agree with smunkee at a guess that it's the chemical side of depression - it changes your neurochemistry and makes you think differently... mucks about with your seratonin and all that. you might not have the full blown depression any more but you mights still have what i've come to call 'vestigial depression'
i think it goes away. i'll get back to you on that... ;)

You need a goal. I always have a goal or a project I'm working on. For instance, I am planning several for charity events for my town's carnival. I'm trying to talk several town leaders into undergoing police strip-searches as a fundraiser. SO far, no takers. Except for that ugly tax assessor lady. :p
I have goals, just not the energy to carry them out.

I'm not exactly empty... /checks/ at the moment I'm full of nerve, muscle, bone, skin, water, assorted hydrocarbons, the remnants of my breakfast....
Obviously you're not biologically empty, that would be a sign of death entering the body, but you're feelings of spiritiual hollowness are just the brith pangs of new masculinity. Souls are for girls and emo-kiddies, real men are sociopaths! APATHY UBER ALLES!

Sounds like anhedonia. You'd better talk to a psychiatrist.

I have goals, just not the energy to carry them out.

Becuase there is no penalty for failure. You need to find a friend with a cattle prod. *nod*

I have goals, just not the energy to carry them out.
It will come back eventually. Start with little things that don't take too much effort or things that you enjoy a lot. Just make sure it isn't things that take way too much time away from school work.

You need a goal. I always have a goal or a project I'm working on. For instance, I am planning several for charity events for my town's carnival. I'm trying to talk several town leaders into undergoing police strip-searches as a fundraiser. SO far, no takers. Except for that ugly tax assessor lady. :p

Having a goal or promising yourself a reward is always good. Put it this way, if you ace your finals at school, promise yourself something you'd like - a games console, a holiday abroad, an oil field in the Middle East, a large section of Northern Europe, you knoe what I mean...

My goal at school was to get enough points - high enough grades - to not repeat my final year and to get into college. And I made it. And my reward was a new mountain bike, which saved me lots of time as I freewheeled to college down this huge hill, and broke the speed limit every morning. (I didn't have enough money or time to apply for a drivers license in Ireland, goddamn country is a joke if you're learning to drive!)

Oh, and I also agree with the cattle prod! :D

If you're using a laptop, put your charger away and only stay on your computer while your battery holds out. Give your charger to someone with strict instructions to only give it to you last thing at night, or, even better, wait till you're asleep and then recharge your battery for you, while confiscating the charger again the next morning. If you've got a desktop, hmmmm, dunno about that one....

Having a goal or promising yourself a reward is always good. Put it this way, if you ace your finals at school, promise yourself something you'd like - a games console, a holiday abroad, an oil field in the Middle East, a large section of Northern Europe, you knoe what I mean...

My goal at school was to get enough points - high enough grades - to not repeat my final year and to get into college. And I made it. And my reward was a new mountain bike, which saved me lots of time as I freewheeled to college down this huge hill, and broke the speed limit every morning. (I didn't have enough money or time to apply for a drivers license in Ireland, goddamn country is a joke if you're learning to drive!)
Going home again must've been a pain in the ass though. :p

Some time ago, as many of you probably know, I went through a bout of depression. It consisted of the full deluxe package: self-esteem issues, suicidal thoughts, motivation problems, seratonin supplies bled white, and the rest of that crap. You know what I mean; everyone goes through this at least twice in their lives. Now, fortunately, I'm over it... I've gotten over almost everything.

Instead of the negative emotions of depression, I now feel none at all. While that is a good thing, that includes motivation... I feel no motivation or pressure to do anything. I'm doing badly in school, cannot complete my work, and almost never feel like doing anything. Yet, I'm perfectly satisfied with that and almost enjoying myself... so it's not depression. There's simply a part of me feeling that something's missing... namely, it really wants me to get back the drive and ambition to carry out my nefarious plans for world domination, the destruction of humanity, and pie.

So, any suggestions here?

You're still depressed, just another phase. Force yourself to exercise and change your diet a little, less sugar and caffeine (and whatever drugs you may be self-medicating with). If that doesn't work, get to a doctor and get proper anti-depressants.

i don't know what it is specifically but i do know exactly what you're talking about in that i feel that too. have done ever since my own depression last year, and it is slowly - ever so slowly - ebbing away to real emotions and motivation for things. but slowly, and in the mean-time i tend to just get a lot of negative emotions and very little positive ones, which sucks...

but this isn't about me so i'll shut up. i would agree with smunkee at a guess that it's the chemical side of depression - it changes your neurochemistry and makes you think differently... mucks about with your seratonin and all that. you might not have the full blown depression any more but you mights still have what i've come to call 'vestigial depression'
i think it goes away. i'll get back to you on that...
Maybe I should rephrase my question. Is there anyone here who has actually weathered such a situation? ;)

Sounds like anhedonia. You'd better talk to a psychiatrist.
Like.... what?

I don't have the energy to look it up... ;P [j/k]

Becuase there is no penalty for failure. You need to find a friend with a cattle prod. *nod*
Good idea. I wonder how far Connecticut is from my house.

It will come back eventually. Start with little things that don't take too much effort or things that you enjoy a lot. Just make sure it isn't things that take way too much time away from school work.
Ok, I'll think on that.

Having a goal or promising yourself a reward is always good. Put it this way, if you ace your finals at school, promise yourself something you'd like - a games console, a holiday abroad, an oil field in the Middle East, a large section of Northern Europe, you knoe what I mean...

My goal at school was to get enough points - high enough grades - to not repeat my final year and to get into college. And I made it. And my reward was a new mountain bike, which saved me lots of time as I freewheeled to college down this huge hill, and broke the speed limit every morning. (I didn't have enough money or time to apply for a drivers license in Ireland, goddamn country is a joke if you're learning to drive!)
Hmmm. So basically, if I do well on finals or complete $project successfully, I get that new Death Universe Mk. III I've been looking forward to getting for the past few aeons. Sounds good. Only problem is I've tried incentives already and the incentive doesn't even seem to matter that much... it's a lot like lying in bed on monday mornings; you don't really want to get up and getting to school or work doesn't actually seem that important until you get the motivation to get out of bed and realise that it actually is. I can see that ahead, I just don't know how to get there.

Going home again must've been a pain in the ass though. :p

Tell me about it - first gear, at walking pace, and I was red in the face by the time I got home - 5 minutes there, 30 minutes home! :D

Exercise gives you a boost. Even a 30 minute walk will brighten you up. Walk home from school, or at least part of the way. If you take the bus, get off a couple of stops before your usual one and walk the rest of the way. If you already walk home and only walk a couple of minutes, walk the long way, or go in the opposite direction and walk around the block first. If you get a ride home from parents/friends, etc, tell them to pick you up somewhere else, about 20 minute walk away, and walk to the pick up point, and if you drive, leave the car at home, and follow one of the above. If you cycle, excellent, but if it's a short ride, get off and walk home. The walking will do you good physically, plus will boost energy levels and give you a bit of a lift. Give it a try. Put yourself in a position where you don't have a choice BUT to walk for at least 20 minutes a day...

Exercise gives you a boost. Even a 30 minute walk will brighten you up. Walk home from school, or at least part of the way. If you take the bus, get off a couple of stops before your usual one and walk the rest of the way. If you already walk home and only walk a couple of minutes, walk the long way, or go in the opposite direction and walk around the block first. If you get a ride home from parents/friends, etc, tell them to pick you up somewhere else, about 20 minute walk away, and walk to the pick up point, and if you drive, leave the car at home, and follow one of the above. If you cycle, excellent, but if it's a short ride, get off and walk home. The walking will do you good physically, plus will boost energy levels and give you a bit of a lift. Give it a try. Put yourself in a position where you don't have a choice BUT to walk for at least 20 minutes a day...
I walk every day (at speeds faster than many people run) for at least half an hour and occasionally practice martial arts as well. Considering that my school is approximately three miles from home, I can't very well walk back home without missing out on at least half an hour of NS. :p

I walk every day (at speeds faster than many people run) for at least half an hour and occasionally practice martial arts as well. Considering that my school is approximately three miles from home, I can't very well walk back home without missing out on at least half an hour of NS. :p

You ever try any relaxation techniques? Walking faster than some people can run isn't very relaxing. There your aim is to get home and sit in front of the computer for the rest of the evening. I suggest you limit your computer time every day. My brothers went through this kind of thing - one is still in the depths of it. He's doing really crappily at school, and he hates it, he gets detention on a daily basis for not doing his homework, he NEVER goes out, he NEVER leaves his room beyond school and bathroom breaks and spends all his time playing PS2 games. The older one started college in September and spends all his time outside, out with friends at the pub, out with friends coming up with April Fools pranks, found himself a gf (too embarrassed to tell my parents, who know, and are enjoying watching him squirm) and is having a really great time. And he never plays his games console anymore. It got to a point with the younger one that my parents and his teachers thought he was suffering from depression, but they ran tests and he's not. He hasn't seen the sun in about 18 months, and there is now way to get him motivated to do anything. He left his kickboxing classes and refuses to join in anythng else, even though he loved the kickboxing classes and was doing really well. Either way, it's not healthy and you need to motivate yourself in someway.

OK, I'm sure you have money, so why not this: Join yourself in a sports club, the martial arts thing is good, and vow to go every week. If you don't go, you put 10% of your weekly earnings into a jar. Set a goal for yourself - getting an A+ on a very important assignment or getting your next grade at martial arts, and if you achieve your goal, you get the money back. You're saving, you're getting motivated to get somewhere, and you're getting fit all at the same time!

Actually, fast walking is rather relaxing for me. I just don't run. :p

As for that... the next grade is DAN, black belt. Which is going to be highly stressful, as it requires six months of training, master approval, and mastery of some highly difficult forms and sparring techniques I haven't quite succeeded at yet. Plus, I haven't gone for several months because I'm just so sick of having to deal with all the kids there... seriously. They should allow me into the adult classes, but those are only for 18 and above... /black looks/

Actually, fast walking is rather relaxing for me. I just don't run. :p

As for that... the next grade is DAN, black belt. Which is going to be highly stressful, as it requires six months of training, master approval, and mastery of some highly difficult forms and sparring techniques I haven't quite succeeded at yet. Plus, I haven't gone for several months because I'm just so sick of having to deal with all the kids there... seriously. They should allow me into the adult classes, but those are only for 18 and above... /black looks/

Can you find another club that has an intermediate class for teens? And you've done well to get to where you've gotten. I did Tae-Kwon Do for 6 years two-nights a week, and I got to red tag level (about three away from black belt), but I had a friend earn his blackbelt while I was there. I does take training, but that could be your goal, and it's a damn good one if you get there before you're 18!

Can you find another club that has an intermediate class for teens? And you've done well to get to where you've gotten. I did Tae-Kwon Do for 6 years two-nights a week, and I got to red tag level (about three away from black belt), but I had a friend earn his blackbelt while I was there. I does take training, but that could be your goal, and it's a damn good one if you get there before you're 18!
Yeah, I can look. There's a Y not too far from where I live, I can take a bus there; I'll check to see if they offer classes (wherein I won't have to start from a white belt again just because they don't use the same forms system or whatever).

Yeah, I can look. There's a Y not too far from where I live, I can take a bus there; I'll check to see if they offer classes (wherein I won't have to start from a white belt again just because they don't use the same forms system or whatever).

Excellent idea... :D

If they don't, consider another discipline too, even though, yeah, you'll be starting off at white belt again, you won't be long making it all up!

Or try something else too. I did kayaking - that was totally cool! I loved sea kayaking, and it's something you could do by yourself, if you're a keen swimmer! Just stay close to shore and learn to surf and make sure there's a life guard on duty

So, any suggestions here?
Yup! Come by and get your annual ass-kicking! :D

Especially because you no longer want pie! Damn! I cannot even imagine not wanting pie! :D

Yup! Come by and get your annual ass-kicking! :D
Kinky. ;)

/resists urge to scream "YOU PEDOPHILE!!!!1"/

Apathy is part of depression. You can get so tired of the pain you just don't feel it anymore. You just stop feeling.

*hands you a bat, smiles, and points you to a little schoolboy*

Go get 'em, tiger.

Personally I think depression, ADD, apatheticism and numerous other medical "problems" are the result of the world we live in today. There's no adventure, there's no self-discovery. There's death and bad news all around us, and we trot along just to make the day go by faster.

I think you need to do a personal spiritual journey. Don't go on a Native American vison quest or anything like that, just sit and think for a while about what you believe in, maybe have a discussion or two with someone doing the same thing.

Recommended material to indulge in: The stand-up comedy/preaching of Bill Hicks (R.I.P.), and the teachings of Jesus himself (not the apostles or the saints or anyone else, just Jesus. He was a good dude.)


I went through the same thing you did - it's simply a realization of the pointlessness of today's existence. We have to live for something better, something more fulfilling. We have to live for eachother and for ourselves. This is why we have a primal need and instinct to bond and interact with other humans, so we can feel alive. Asking Bob down the hall of the office if he had that fax ready for you isn't truly interacting with him - ask Bob how he's feeling lately. Have a conversation with him, and realize how much we're all connected.

Doing these things tend to make things feel a little more drudging and alone, because we're only drudging and alone if we make ourselves that way.