NationStates Jolt Archive

I think that when milk and foods reach their expiration dates, something dramatic shold occur. Milk cartons can explode. Pies can sprout millions of tiny flesh-eating flies. You know, cool stuff. It would certainly encourage prompt consumption. :)

For extra credit, countdown timers would be great. :)

I think that when milk and foods reach their expiration dates, something dramatic shold occur. Milk cartons can explode. Pies can sprout millions of tiny flesh-eating flies. You know, cool stuff. It would certainly encourage prompt consumption. :)

For extra credit, countdown timers would be great. :)
If I made them, they would explode when countdown timers hit a random time, say 5:34, just for laughs.

I think that when milk and foods reach their expiration dates, something dramatic shold occur. Milk cartons can explode. Pies can sprout millions of tiny flesh-eating flies. You know, cool stuff. It would certainly encourage prompt consumption. :)

For extra credit, countdown timers would be great. :)

Then my fridge probably would've blown apart half the block already...

I think that when milk and foods reach their expiration dates, something dramatic shold occur. Milk cartons can explode. Pies can sprout millions of tiny flesh-eating flies. You know, cool stuff. It would certainly encourage prompt consumption. :)

For extra credit, countdown timers would be great. :)
Then what happens with food that goes bad before the predicted expiration date? For instance, I got some bread the other day that was supposed to be good until mid May. I kept in in dry environments and always closed it promtly after getting the bread I wanted. However, three days after opening my lovely bread, there's mold.

Eggs also sometimes go bad before the expiration date, and of course there's practically no way to know until you crack that bitch. Of course, the stench of that, being enough to knock a mule on its ass, is probably dramatic enough....

I was thinking of starting a random thread too, but you've beat me to it. I guess I'll have to just go too something useful, like sex or cleaning up or starting the Powerpoint presentation I need by Wednesday.

If I made them, they would explode when countdown timers hit a random time, say 5:34, just for laughs.
As in 5 hours 34 minutes, or 5 minutes 34 seconds?

Either way, it's heinous.

I was thinking of starting a random thread too, but you've beat me to it. I guess I'll have to just go too something useful, like sex or cleaning up or starting the Powerpoint presentation I need by Wednesday.
(pssst. start a thread anyway. it's stagnant tonight.)

Oooh, awesome idea.

Although milk cartons exploding is a little lame. How about them turning into mouldmonsters and creeping into your room while you sleep to climb into your ears and devour your brains? That'd work for bread too.

Simonist']Then what happens with food that goes bad before the predicted expiration date? For instance, I got some bread the other day that was supposed to be good until mid May. I kept in in dry environments and always closed it promtly after getting the bread I wanted. However, three days after opening my lovely bread, there's mold.

Eggs also sometimes go bad before the expiration date, and of course there's practically no way to know until you crack that bitch. Of course, the stench of that, being enough to knock a mule on its ass, is probably dramatic enough....

It means that your house is infested with demons. You should probably burn it and piss on the ashes. *nod*

It should turn into a registered Republican for those in the blue states.

For those in the red states, it should turn into a singing gay.

I was thinking of starting a random thread too, but you've beat me to it. I guess I'll have to just go too something useful, like sex or cleaning up or starting the Powerpoint presentation I need by Wednesday.

Silliness increases productivity. :)

It should turn into a registered Republican for those in the blue states.

For those in the red states, it should turn into a singing gay.
But....but....then we blue voters in the Red states will STILL make no progress.... :(

It means that your house is infested with demons. You should probably burn it and piss on the ashes. *nod*

Or you could sell out space to some Satanists. Make a killing. Would compensate food going bad early. :)

Simonist']But....but....then we blue voters in the Red states will STILL make no progress.... :(
Ah see, come election day, that's when you stack up all your expired milk jugs in front of voting areas! :D

Ah see, come election day, that's when you stack up all your expired milk jugs in front of voting areas! :D
....You're undeniably brilliant this time!

Instead of blowing up, what if it blew left? You let that milk go bad and it explodes left with an acceleration as high as the US's deficet.

It means that your house is infested with demons. You should probably burn it and piss on the ashes. *nod*
But that's what I'm doing to her house tonight.
Wait, I shouldn't have announced that until I after I started the fire- GODDAMMIT!
*runs away quickly*

But that's what I'm doing to her house tonight.
Wait, I shouldn't have announced that until I after I started the fire- GODDAMMIT!
*runs away quickly*
Eh, don't worry about it, I already saw you out there.
*loads pellet rifle*

This is only the first line of defense, by the way. We get a little more, eh, high powered the closer you get to my house.

But that's what I'm doing to her house tonight.
Wait, I shouldn't have announced that until I after I started the fire- GODDAMMIT!
*runs away quickly*

I don't think Kievan-Prussia is expecting company tonight. :D

Oooh, awesome idea.

Although milk cartons exploding is a little lame. How about them turning into mouldmonsters and creeping into your room while you sleep to climb into your ears and devour your brains? That'd work for bread too.

though my idea is a little lamer, i will admit it up front, what if the mouldmonsters weren't really all that menacing but merely banged insecently on your bedroom door repeating "eat me......eat me" in annoyed tones......but then in a fit of genius, when you open said door there's nothing out there but the milk carton and bread.....it'd be just like the bastards to do so.

Simonist']

... We get a little more, eh, high powered the closer you get to my house.

I know. I've still got the lawn Jart stuck in my ass.

though my idea is a little lamer, i will admit it up front, what if the mouldmonsters weren't really all that menacing but merely banged insecently on your bedroom door repeating "eat me......eat me" in annoyed tones......but then in a fit of genius, when you open said door there's nothing out there but the milk carton and bread.....it'd be just like the bastards to do so.
Just 'cause it happens at your place, doesn't mean we should all be subject to it.

I know. I've still got the lawn Jart stuck in my ass.
At least you learned your lesson by the fourth time or so.

though my idea is a little lamer, i will admit it up front, what if the mouldmonsters weren't really all that menacing but merely banged insecently on your bedroom door repeating "eat me......eat me" in annoyed tones......but then in a fit of genius, when you open said door there's nothing out there but the milk carton and bread.....it'd be just like the bastards to do so.

ah, so the thing that goes bump in the night is actually my milk? fascinating...

Simonist']Eh, don't worry about it, I already saw you out there.
*loads pellet rifle*

This is only the first line of defense, by the way. We get a little more, eh, high powered the closer you get to my house.

believe you me, they do have quite high powered weaponry...like sticks and marmets.....high powered, flame-throwing marmets

ah, so the thing that goes bump in the night is actually my milk? fascinating...

not so much "bump", but "knock knock, clatter clatter"

not so much "bump", but "knock knock, clatter clatter"
It's true. I've met the thing that goes bump in the night, and he is far from milky-and-bready-goodness.

Simonist']It's true. I've met the thing that goes bump in the night, and he is far from milky-and-bready-goodness.

David Hasslehoff?

Love the randomness, but ummm ... they're not expiration dates ... they're "sell by" dates. Impossible to know when something's going to go over.

So .... take that! :p

Love the randomness, but ummm ... they're not expiration dates ... they're "sell by" dates. Impossible to know when something's going to go over.

So .... take that! :p

but isn't there both....wait wait, no there's more, there's also "born on" dates, and "best tastes" dates...problably more

Love the randomness, but ummm ... they're not expiration dates ... they're "sell by" dates. Impossible to know when something's going to go over.

So .... take that! :p
No, we have expiration AND sell-by dates here.

What the hell kind of cave are you living in, buddy?

Simonist']What the hell kind of cave are you living in, buddy?

I didn't realize there were different kinds. :p

I know. I've still got the lawn Jart stuck in my ass.
believe you me, they do have quite high powered weaponry...like sticks and marmets.....high powered, flame-throwing marmets

Whoah. It looks like Simonist has more stalkers than I thought. Maybe we should get together sometime, form a club.

I didn't realize there were different kinds. :p
Then clearly you're not as hip to the cave beat as I'm known to be.

Psha. Poser. :rolleyes:

Whoah. It looks like Simonist has more stalkers than I thought. Maybe we should get together sometime, form a club.
What can I say? I'm a popular dame.

Simonist']No, we have expiration AND sell-by dates here.

What the hell kind of cave are you living in, buddy?

Texas ... where else?

Everything I look at, the date is for the store, not the consumer. For example, a jug of milk will have "04/12/06" and that means the store has to get rid of it by then. However, the milk itself can last a couple of weeks longer than that before going sour.

Some foods even only give the month/year. So when would that expire? First day of the month? Middle? Last?

Of course, with my kitchen, I have a simple test:

1] Sniff.
2] When in doubt, throw it out.

I pay little attention to the date stamp. I think it's self-fulfilling prophecy. I bet tons upon tons of perfectly good food is thrown out in this country because of the psychology of numbers on a package.

Anyway, I'm babbling ....

Simonist']No, we have expiration AND sell-by dates here.

What the hell kind of cave are you living in, buddy?
Well, it appears that the roof of said cave is made of your mother. Your father seems to be the logical choice for the walls.

Simonist']Then clearly you're not as hip to the cave beat as I'm known to be.

Psha. Poser. :rolleyes:

Sorry. The first thing I do when I find a new cave is look for the Batmobile. I guess I'm out of touch.

Whoah. It looks like Simonist has more stalkers than I thought. Maybe we should get together sometime, form a club.

well sadly i can't join you in your club, i'm happy with being her boyfriend as opposed to her stalker.

though i am willing to find you guys a nice place for weekly meetings, hell i'll even buy you some milk and bread if you'd like

Sorry. The first thing I do when I find a new cave is look for the Batmobile. I guess I'm out of touch.
There's more to life than the Batmobile. I've always said that.

Well, it appears that the roof of said cave is made of your mother. Your father seems to be the logical choice for the walls.
You know, the child in my spirit called out to use the trusty old "My mom was hit by a train" line, but that might just be taking it too far.

robotic milk cartons that throw themselves out when the milk goes bad.

well sadly i can't join you in your club, i'm happy with being her boyfriend as opposed to her stalker.
Yes, I know that.
*pats ZKD*
We're all her boyfriends, she just doesn't know that yet. Which is why we've got to organize our "convincing" efforts.
though i am willing to find you guys a nice place for weekly meetings, hell i'll even buy you some milk and bread if you'd like
At least you're willing to help in some way.

Yes, I know that.
*pats ZKD*
We're all her boyfriends, she just doesn't know that yet. Which is why we've got to organize our "convincing" efforts.

At least you're willing to help in some way.
No, but seriously, Fiddlepanties, this one I actually have come to accept as an SO. The rest of you may still need to work on it. :rolleyes:

Simonist']You know, the child in my spirit called out to use the trusty old "My mom was hit by a train" line, but that might just be taking it too far.
Keruvalia
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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He was the first to suggest that your mother was a suitable housing option.

Yes, I know that.
*pats ZKD*
We're all her boyfriends, she just doesn't know that yet. Which is why we've got to organize our "convincing" efforts.

At least you're willing to help in some way.

::blink blink::

sorry i think the moldmonster just devoured part of my brain there for a second......what happened?

::blink blink::

sorry i think the moldmonster just devoured part of my brain there for a second......what happened?
Apparently we're swingers. Rawr.

Simonist']No, but seriously, Fiddlepanties, this one I actually have come to accept as an SO. The rest of you may still need to work on it. :rolleyes:

I was only using you anyway to get to Mr. Zesty-Pickle. He's dreamy.

::blink blink::

sorry i think the moldmonster just devoured part of my brain there for a second......what happened?
It's best not to think around Fiddlebottoms.

Simonist']No, but seriously, Fiddlepanties, this one I actually have come to accept as an SO. The rest of you may still need to work on it. :rolleyes:
So he really is . . . Oh, oh, yeah . . .
Um, well, this is awkward.
*extended pause*
I'll just be running away again, shall I?

Simonist']Apparently we're swingers. Rawr.

as in we love swings right? boy i sure know i do, and have a picture of it somewhere.......at least swings don't have experation dates.....

mmmm expired milk! i have some rotting away out on the side walk.. ts getting green :eek:

So he really is . . . Oh, oh, yeah . . .
Um, well, this is awkward.
*extended pause*
I'll just be running away again, shall I?
Eh, I warned him about you all. He knows you're harmless because he's cuter, and you can't convince me otherwise.

sorry i think the moldmonster just devoured part of my brain there for a second......what happened?
I've been told I have that effect on people. Of course, I've also been told that I'll "never get away with this, you monster! You'll pay for all of this!", and that promise has yet to come true; so I take most things I'm told with a grain of salt.

.......at least swings don't have experation dates.....
Shows what you know. My swing expired last Tuesday. I too disturbed to sleep for about a week.

Shows what you know. My swing expired last Tuesday. I too disturbed to sleep for about a week.
But did it go with drama and flair? Did it explode left? If not, it's not expiring in style.

Shows what you know. My swing expired last Tuesday. I too disturbed to sleep for about a week.

why did it implode, explode, turn into a robot, become roadkill? did it start a crusade, or worst of all......watch "Golden Girls"? because that my friend, is what happens when PEOPLE live past their experaction dates.

Simonist']But did it go with drama and flair? Did it explode left? If not, it's not expiring in style.
So someone did read it. *smilies*
It didn't explode left per say, rather it beat me with a ham sandwhich and proceeded to jam pinecones up my ass. I've been watching too much Family Guy.

O the irony...Join Aerou's Army.

Well....how about it start to whistle annoyingly if the milk goes bad..or starts mooing!?

Well....how about it start to whistle annoyingly if the milk goes bad..or starts mooing!?
If my milk ever starts mooing, I quit.

Simonist']If my milk ever starts mooing, I quit.

How about like popplers from Futurama? Don't eat them and they grow into whatever it came from. XD

So milk = cow....you'll get a cow in the fridge!

How about like popplers from Futurama? Don't eat them and they grow into whatever it came from. XD

So milk = cow....you'll get a cow in the fridge!
I don't know about you, but my fridge is full from all the bodies er.....science experiments. I don't think I could fit a cow in it too.

Now excuse me while I see if Mr Smith is finished 'reacting.'

Someone was bound to use that lame joke.

How about like popplers from Futurama? Don't eat them and they grow into whatever it came from. XD

So milk = cow....you'll get a cow in the fridge!

Free beef? Holy shit.

Free beef? Holy shit.
Hmmm, I prefer to think of it as an easy in to the cattle-trading industry.

Plus, that's even better than my whole "take an egg out of the fridge and hatch it and I'll have a friend" thing. Everybody knows that bigger pet = more love!

This doesn't count with fat people, though.
Just kidding....:rolleyes:

Simonist']This doesn't count with fat people, though.
Just kidding....:rolleyes:

I'm speechless. I am without speech.

Simonist']Hmmm, I prefer to think of it as an easy in to the cattle-trading industry.

Plus, that's even better than my whole "take an egg out of the fridge and hatch it and I'll have a friend" thing. Everybody knows that bigger pet = more love!

This doesn't count with fat people, though.
Just kidding....:rolleyes:

Bigger pet = bigger poop.

Bigger pet = bigger poop.

Not always in the case of fat people. XD

Love the randomness, but ummm ... they're not expiration dates ... they're "sell by" dates. Impossible to know when something's going to go over.

So .... take that! :p

Ours say "Use By". I'm willing to believe that they actually mean "use by" rather than "sell by", especially since I had some cream in the fridge 2 days past expiration, and it was starting to develop sentience.

Ours say "Use By". I'm willing to believe that they actually mean "use by" rather than "sell by", especially since I had some cream in the fridge 2 days past expiration, and it was starting to develop sentience.

Didja poke it with a stick?

Ever leave milk out for about a week in the summer?

It becomes a massive puff ball of white icky stuff that looks like a bread roll and reeks terribly. How about we super acclerate it!

Ours say "Use By". I'm willing to believe that they actually mean "use by" rather than "sell by", especially since I had some cream in the fridge 2 days past expiration, and it was starting to develop sentience.

this is eminently applicable to recent conversations i've had over when to clean my underwear. generally, i believe in allowing it to learn to walk by itself before drowning it.

this is eminently applicable to recent conversations i've had over when to clean my underwear. generally, i believe in allowing it to learn to walk by itself before drowning it.
Some may see that as both cruel and definitely unusual. Why drown it once it's self-aware?

Unless you're doing this in its sleep....I guess that lightens the burden of guilt just a little bit....

Simonist']Some may see that as both cruel and definitely unusual. Why drown it once it's self-aware?

Unless you're doing this in its sleep....I guess that lightens the burden of guilt just a little bit....

because no one ever pointed this out to me before. damn, you're right :headbang:
well i will have a lot more pets now...

Bigger pet = bigger poop.

Yep. Something to enjoy with pets. :)

No one likes my milk story? :o

God no! Food stays good for ages after the expiration date. They have really premature expiration dates to stop any chance of their asses getting sued. It's much better to get used to how something smells or looks when it's about to go off.

Meh, I keep my bread in the fridge and it lasts weeks longer than it says it should.

And you can tell if an eggs gone off by spinning it and briefly stop with a touch of the hand and let go. If it keeps spinning then the egg is still good. It's something to do with the white of the egg still being good and fluid and so doesn't stop the yoke from spinning. And so when you let go the yoke's momentum starts the egg spinning again.

You can freeze plastic bottles of milk and then defrost it when you need another bottle of milk. That way the milk lasts much longer than it's expiry date.

Down with exploding food! Down with expiry dates! My flatmate's openned tin of beans was still within it's expiry date when it had developed a layer of green fur all over whilst in the fridge. What an idiot. :rolleyes: