NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, am still greatly bored. Tell us what is the worst pick-up line you have EVER heard!

Here's one:
Hey baby, is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I see myself in your pants!

"I hate pick-up lines. You?"

The quickly made-up ones are usually priceless. For example;

Sleep with me, I'm a virgin and so don't have any diseases!

(you don't even need your V plates for that one) :D

pretty much anything i have made up.

Hi. My social interaction is stunted because I spend far too much on internet forums. In fact, that's where I got this pick-up line from. Want to interact with me?

Does "Get in the fucking trunk or I'll stab you!" count as a pick up line?

Does "Get in the fucking trunk or I'll stab you!" count as a pick up line?
No...if it were a pick-up, it'd be "Get in the fucking trailer or I'll stab you!"

I'm here all week.

Does "Get in the fucking trunk or I'll stab you!" count as a pick up line?
Umm... sure... I might try that!

Of course, there's the old favourites...

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Look over there while I get the burlap sack sorted!

Let me buy you a drink. With this pill in it.



Remember kids, rape is no laughing matter. Unless you're raping a clown.

¬_¬

"Does this smell like chloroform(sp) to you?

Does "Get in the fucking trunk or I'll stab you!" count as a pick up line?


I always thought that "I've built up immunity to mace" was a good one.

I always thought that "I've built up immunity to mace" was a good one.
Or, just after getting maced, saying "Nice Perfume".

"If I was a Muslim, and you were one of the virgins promised in the afterlife, I'd totally suicide bomb myself for you."

"If I was a Muslim, and you were one of the virgins promised in the afterlife, I'd totally suicide bomb myself for you."
Ha! Good one.

"Are you looking for a male Homo Sapien Sapien tonight?"

"Are you okay? Because if you need a shoulder to lean on or anything, I'm completely here to take advantage of your moment of weakness."

"Can I have 40c? I need to call my parents and tell em I've just met the girl of my dreams."

*gags*

"Do you have receipts? I'm on an expense account."

"Do you have receipts? I'm on an expense account."
Oooh, burn.

Are those space pants? Cause your ass is out of this world!

That one was used on me while I was working at GameStop by a kid whose 18 (give or take) friends dared him to say it for about 20 minutes. The worst part is, I replied, "No, they're from JC Penney."

What a fine asshole you have, Madame.

What a fine asshole you have, Madame.
Sad thing is, a friend of mine has said 'I bet you have a beautiful sphincter' to a girl. Then again, he was drunk and later shouted 'minky!' at her in a falsetto voice until she left the bar/we restrained him.

Arrrr. I'm a Butt-Pirate, let me plunder yer booty.

I've heard, "hey,wanna f**k?"

Arrrr. I'm a Butt-Pirate, let me plunder yer booty.
Good one.

I've heard, "hey,wanna f**k?"
That's just being a little too sincere.

"Im a pilot, want to visit my cock-pit?"

"Im a pilot, want to visit my cock-pit?"
Wow. That's just stupid. In a funny way. But that won't pick anyone up.

I'm a pilot works well enough. Trust me.

Ok, am still greatly bored. Tell us what is the worst pick-up line you have EVER heard!

Here's one:
Hey baby, is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I see myself in your pants!

"Mace just makes me hornier." :D

"Hey, are you going to be walking to your car alone later tonight?"

~Dane Cook

This one's good for brainy-bookish women:

"Let's go back to my place and try to prove the existence of God, then we can see what it's like to break his commandments."

woman ; get back or ill spray you with mace

man ; mace, u call that a mace, this is a mace (pulls out medieval weaponary)

This one's good for brainy-bookish women:

"Let's go back to my place and try to prove the existence of God, then we can see what it's like to break his commandments."
Good one.

This one's good for brainy-bookish women:

"Let's go back to my place and try to prove the existence of God, then we can see what it's like to break his commandments."

You plan to kill her?

There is,

"Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day long."

Or

Cheesy Man: "Did it hurt?"
Female: "What?"
Cheesy Man: "When you fell out of Heaven."

Those are so smooth...:rolleyes:

Hand folded scrap piece of paper with the word 'Tat' written on it to prospective lady. When she opens it up and looks at you confused, say "Well, where's my Tit?"

(Didn't work too well for the guy who tried it.)

Hand folded scrap piece of paper with the word 'Tat' written on it to prospective lady. When she opens it up and looks at you confused, say "Well, where's my Tit?"

(Didn't work too well for the guy who tried it.)
You?

You?

lol. No. I don't bother with pick-up lines let alone that one. That was a friend of a friend who came out to the pub with us. At least we got a good laugh.

"I wanna be a derivative, so I can be tangent to your curves."

Even worse, I once saw this in written form... on the blackboard of a calculus classroom. :eek:

"Hey, wanna help my bury a bone?"

That's a classic.

"Hey, wanna help my bury a bone?"

That's a classic.
Problem is, the girl won't realize what you mean.

Problem is, the girl won't realize what you mean.

Of course she won't... If she's a dim-witted Valley girl.

Of course she won't... If she's a dim-witted Valley girl.
And? Who better to practice pick-up lines on?

"If I was a Muslim, and you were one of the virgins promised in the afterlife, I'd totally suicide bomb myself for you."
that's fantastic. I want to see it published in a Danish cartoon.

"You have a hot face/ arse/ insert body part here" :rolleyes:
So unoriginal... *sighs*

"My cousin says im amazing in bed, but im not sure, can i get your opinion?"

(Not by me. . . I wouldnt post anything like this if it was about me)

"My cousin says im amazing in bed, but im not sure, can i get your opinion?"

(Not by me. . . I wouldnt post anything like this if it was about me)
Dude. Wow. That's like, sick and wrong.

Dude. Wow. That's like, sick and wrong.

It's no sicker than asking a random girl to "help bury a bone".

"Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus."

You plan to kill her?


of course not. *stuffs an arm back under bed*

"hey, can I buy you a cookie?"

(it's a long story)

The other day I asked some girls at a club what it would take to see them kiss eachother.

It didn't work. :(

"Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus."

LOL :D

Guy: "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl: "I don't know.."
Guy: "Enough to break the ice, my name's _____."

Guy: "How much does a polar bear weigh?"
Girl: "I don't know.."
Guy: "Enough to break the ice, my name's _____."
oh I like that one.....it's funny.

"Is it just me, or is my hand on your boob?"

Sexy.

That dress looks great on you. It would look even better on my bedroom floor.

It's no sicker than asking a random girl to "help bury a bone".

Actually, because of the reference to his cousin, it is.

Actually, because of the reference to his cousin, it is.

Oh. I see.

"hey, can I buy you a cookie?"

(it's a long story)


But an interesting one, no doubt. *makes some popcorn* Do tell.

That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you I'd be cumming too. :eek:

Tell me if it's totally inappropriate and I'll take it off

Hey, how you doin'?

Of course, there's the old favourites...

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Look over there while I get the burlap sack sorted!

Let me buy you a drink. With this pill in it.



Remember kids, rape is no laughing matter. Unless you're raping a clown.

¬_¬

LOL

Man: Do you like pizza?
Woman: Why yes!
Man: Cool, lets fuck!

"hey, can I buy you a cookie?"

(it's a long story)

I know a joke that goes like that.

I'll give you a cookie if.... Oh Nevermind.

"Is it just me, or is my hand on your boob?"

Sexy.
Totally smooth :p

"I can make you feel like I've never had sex before"

"I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?"

Here is one that I heard someone using:
"Wow, that is a great shirt... How do you wash it?" :eek:

OK, it was in a gay club. But still, that should not work, should it????
(I actually think it did work)

Shake it, Madame. Capital Knockers

OK, it was in a gay club. But still, that should not work, should it?...
If it starts further conversation it works. At least I think so.

That rash has cleared up!

Man: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Woman: No.
Man: Me neither! Wow, if that isn't the basis for a long and meaningful relationship then I guess I'll settle for a quickie down the alley..

Here is one that I heard someone using:
"Wow, that is a great shirt... How do you wash it?" :eek:

OK, it was in a gay club. But still, that should not work, should it????
(I actually think it did work)
That sounds pretty Gay.

"Well, you're not much of a looker, but what say you come home with me for some ugly action?"

Best after sitting next to someone in silence for about seventeen minutes and thirty-four seconds:
"So - uh - you play NS?"

-"Do you want something to drink? The bar's over there, bring me a beer will you?"

-"Do you wanna dance? Good then I can have this seat"

-"I've been looking at you all night and I've just been dying to ask you.... Where did you get that t-shirt?"

A friend of mine once tried the first two, but he got negative answers before he could make the joke :D

EDIT: "Wanna have a pizza and have sex? Or don't you like pizza?"

Best after sitting next to someone in silence for about seventeen minutes and thirty-four seconds:
"So - uh - you play NS?"
That is a stupid question, everyone plays NS.

You B***H lets F**K!

That is a stupid question, everyone plays NS.
Natural selection is the game everyone plays.

You're too late for that bus, luv.
( I thin it was my worst ever, but it sorta worked anyway )

Best after sitting next to someone in silence for about seventeen minutes and thirty-four seconds:
"So - uh - you play NS?"
If both of you have been sitting in silence for that long, the answer is almost certainly going to be a yes.

get out of my car and into my dreams, baby.

Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? *Then Pull your pants pockets inside out...* Would you like to?

I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body?

I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there.

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.

What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

*woman says* I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in

*woman says* Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice.

Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory.

Bond. James Bond.

whisper into a womans ear "I think about you when I masturbate."

Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

I am trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

*woman says* I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in

That's hot.

If both of you have been sitting in silence for that long, the answer is almost certainly going to be a yes.
I'm not one to make generalizations, but I've never sat in silence that long.
I'm American. The irony is castrating.

I'm not one to make generalizations, but I've never sat in silence that long.
I'm American. The irony is castrating.
17 minutes and 34 seconds? I can be quiet for that long in my sleep!

Man at table: So baby when do you get off?
Waitress: Oh around 10:30
Man: Can I watch?

Guy: May i have your phone number?
Girl: Sure, you can read it off the phone in the morning.

Hey there, how would you like to wear those clothes to work tomorrow?

Why is your hair so big?

So, you wanna come over and shave my back?

Your eyes are like limpid pools of primeval ooze -- and I'm the protozoa who longs to swim in their depths.

Your eyes are like limpid pools of primeval ooze -- and I'm the protozoa who longs to swim in their depths.

That one's a little bit scary...

That one's a little bit scary...
Aye, but who knows? There are alot of freaky people out there...

Aye, but who knows? There are alot of freaky people out there...

True...True.

How about:
"Do you want millions of people to see your face in a movie? Then come back to my place, and I'll show you the magic of the internet."

Natural selection is the game everyone plays.
Low standards more likely.

17 minutes and 34 seconds? I can be quiet for that long in my sleep!
I snore. Not to mention moaning my lovers name while entertaining sub-conscious erotic dreams.

I snore.
As do I. I also apparently tell people to fuck off. But I'm sure I manage quarter an hour of silence at some point.

But I'm sure I manage quarter an hour of silence at some point.
Pessimist.

Normal Lines
------------------------
-wanna sandwitch you use spermicidal jelly and I'll use P3ni5 butter
-Excuse me I lost my puppy would you help me find him he went into that cheap motel over there
-*hold hand* Mr. Bunny is over her *point closer to you* he wants to get to the other side *point far away close to her* but there is a river between there how does he get across? when she finally gives up say I dunno either I just wanted to hold your hand
-Don't worry I know where to get great pickles and ice cream
- My cult is in a death pack the first one to get laid doesn't have to commit suicide wanna help?

Nerd Lines
-----------
-Do you want to see my issue number 1 I make sure to always use protection
-I'm like Nightcrawler I need to see a place before I can get there
-I want to be your shadowcat and go right through you
-In this great coordinate plane of life where do you want to intersect?
-I have issue's you want to bring over some protection
-As you lose clothes I'll make sure to give your WoW character more
-You have me like Jean grey I just keep comming(<pun here) back from the end
-I'm not quite as good as cyclops I can only shoot a white beam out of one eye
-Gambit can make cards explode I can work my powers elsewhere
-You + Me= 5 letters, My + Bed= 5 letters, by the transitive property that means you and Me are equal to My Bed
-So are you going to give me your user/pass to you or am I going to have to find a backdoor to you?
-I hope you're like a magic card and have a low cost for a good effect
-If you're Kairi I'll be as loyal as Sora
-I allowed government-owned brothels in my Nation States do you want to work for the government?
-(persistant girl) Oh come on Denial of Service attacks are illegail
- If you're going to transform into sailor moon can I stop you before you put your sailor uniform back on
-So can I put my flash drive into your usb port


Lose a person lines
--------------
Guy: You're cute
Girl: Yeah, well I was as ugly as you before the sex change

Guy: Hi
Girl: oh hold on *scratches vagina* Damn Herpes

Guy: So what do you do for a living?
Girl: Well I used to have a nice job until I had to pay the bail on my dad who killed the guy who last had sex with me

Guy: wanna screw?
Girl: Sorry my magnet is repeling your screws

Guy: Your house or mine
Girl: Both you go to yours I'll go to mine

You know, I really don't mind going to the dentist to get my teeth shaved...

But an interesting one, no doubt. *makes some popcorn* Do tell.

I was on a diet, and we (my boyfriend at the time, and I) were at the mall, in the foodcourt waiting for the line to open to buy tickets to see a movie. We were looking for food that would transport well in my purse that we could eat in the movie but that was also on my diet (which isn't much in the food court at the mall). We had decided to get Greek Salads since they put them in a take out box that would stack well in my purse. Anyway, he had said while they were making my salad that he would buy a frosted cookie from the cookie factory but didn't want to eat it in front of me since I couldn't have one. The guy behind the counter at the Gyro place said "will you marry me?" and I just looked at him, and he said "I mean, can I buy you a cookie?"...........

anyway, I got into a fight with that boyfriend, and ended up taking a taxi home from the mall and not getting to watch my movie, and I ate both salads (which was way more than my diet called for) and ended up breaking up with the guy like 2 days later.........

so yeah, I guess it was a poorly timed pick up line, but it pissed me off too, like if he bought me a cookie that I would go out with him, like that's the pickup line you use on fat girls right "hey, can I buy you some food?"
:rolleyes:

Hey I dont want to come in between you...or do i?

"Don't worry! You won't feel a thing."

You're too late for that bus, luv.
( I thin it was my worst ever, but it sorta worked anyway )

:D Well, making girls miss busses is a good trick. (for me)

Bond. James Bond.

lol you had some really good ones but that one actually made me chuckle a little bit. Just might work too if you are at the right place, at the right time, with the right girl.

"Are you lost? Because heavens a long way from here."

"I gotta thirst and baby, you look like my Gatorade."

"Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers."

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?" This one can be pulled off if you do it right.

"What's your sign?"

In calm, cool voice say something to the effect of, "Sorry hun, got to take the (insert aircraft name here) to (insert location here) tomorrow."* The girls go wild for this one.:)

*Note, this only works if you are an actual pilot and the person your hitting on is not.

I was on a diet, and we (my boyfriend at the time, and I) were at the mall, in the foodcourt waiting for the line to open to buy tickets to see a movie. We were looking for food that would transport well in my purse that we could eat in the movie but that was also on my diet (which isn't much in the food court at the mall). We had decided to get Greek Salads since they put them in a take out box that would stack well in my purse. Anyway, he had said while they were making my salad that he would buy a frosted cookie from the cookie factory but didn't want to eat it in front of me since I couldn't have one. The guy behind the counter at the Gyro place said "will you marry me?" and I just looked at him, and he said "I mean, can I buy you a cookie?"...........

anyway, I got into a fight with that boyfriend, and ended up taking a taxi home from the mall and not getting to watch my movie, and I ate both salads (which was way more than my diet called for) and ended up breaking up with the guy like 2 days later.........

so yeah, I guess it was a poorly timed pick up line, but it pissed me off too, like if he bought me a cookie that I would go out with him, like that's the pickup line you use on fat girls right "hey, can I buy you some food?"
:rolleyes:

Good....lord....what an idiot. Oi.

I got one that you can use on a turn down. I did this once because this gal was being such a bitch to my buddy. Anyway here it goes. You see a gal on the side of the dance floor by herself watching everyone else. All you guys that have been in a bar or night club have seen her. She looks attractive enough to take home for the evening. So you approach her and say "Hey you wanna dance?!" Of course over the booming music. She looks at you and says "No!" and turns away from you. Of course you could walk away feeling bad about yourself or you could do this. Tap her on the should and say "No, I said you looked fat in those pants." Walk away with a smile on your face and a quick step it to the farthest point in the joint. Of course you could get the ones that try to slap you like I had. Just be prepared for that. Good luck and have fun. ;)

I got one that you can use on a turn down. I did this once because this gal was being such a bitch to my buddy. Anyway here it goes. You see a gal on the side of the dance floor by herself watching everyone else. All you guys that have been in a bar or night club have seen her. She looks attractive enough to take home for the evening. So you approach her and say "Hey you wanna dance?!" Of course over the booming music. She looks at you and says "No!" and turns away from you. Of course you could walk away feeling bad about yourself or you could do this. Tap her on the should and say "No, I said you looked fat in those pants." Walk away with a smile on your face and a quick step it to the farthest point in the joint. Of course you could get the ones that try to slap you like I had. Just be prepared for that. Good luck and have fun. ;)I like it:p

I was on a diet, and we (my boyfriend at the time, and I) were at the mall, in the foodcourt waiting for the line to open to buy tickets to see a movie. We were looking for food that would transport well in my purse that we could eat in the movie but that was also on my diet (which isn't much in the food court at the mall). We had decided to get Greek Salads since they put them in a take out box that would stack well in my purse. Anyway, he had said while they were making my salad that he would buy a frosted cookie from the cookie factory but didn't want to eat it in front of me since I couldn't have one. The guy behind the counter at the Gyro place said "will you marry me?" and I just looked at him, and he said "I mean, can I buy you a cookie?"...........

anyway, I got into a fight with that boyfriend, and ended up taking a taxi home from the mall and not getting to watch my movie, and I ate both salads (which was way more than my diet called for) and ended up breaking up with the guy like 2 days later.........

so yeah, I guess it was a poorly timed pick up line, but it pissed me off too, like if he bought me a cookie that I would go out with him, like that's the pickup line you use on fat girls right "hey, can I buy you some food?"
:rolleyes:


That was just mean. I'd have punched him.

"You'll do."

"You'll do."

OUCH!:eek:

Can I thread my O2 Sensor into your exhaust bung?

Your eyes are like spanners- when i look into them, my nuts tighten.

Or more usually: hiiii... *staggers off*

Pursuant to megan's law, I am obligated to tell you that... screw it, what's your name?

if you want I can get you into the movies, but you have to sleep with the director

... afterwards

by the way it was a porno movie

and my audience is some random guys on the internet

"You'll do."

You win!

"You'll do."
ZOMG thats mine.

"You look good as a motherfucker."
"Da-yum" or the similar "da-yum girl"

just a lot of shit like that.

i might have said this one earlier..don't remember..but i made it up yesterday..

"I have such a huge package, even fed ex can't deliever it" Imma try it out this comming up weekend..so how many times i get kicked maced

"So...what are you doing for the rest of your life?"

Excuse me, but i think i lost my phone number. Can i have yours?

"You had me at "Hello World."
"Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?"
"You make me want to upgrade my Tivo."
"By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares."
"Jedi Mind Trick: "This is the geek you're looking for." *waves hand*"
"You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime."
"Have you ever googled yourself?"
"How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?"
"With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth."
"What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel."
"I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force."
"Tell me of this thing you humans call *dramatic pause* love."
"If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine."
"They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor."
"Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!"
"What's a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villany like this?"
"You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable."
"My 'up-time' is better than BSD."
"I can tell by your emoticons that you're looking for some company."
"Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me."
"Want to see my Red Hat?"
"If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop."

hehe :)

"So, want to see my stigmata?"

If you try to pick up a chick an she tells you to sod off - here's what to say:

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there calls you a fat slut.



Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: There's no need to get on your knees and suck me off just yet



Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: That's cool, cause after I'm done shagging you in the back of my car, I don't give a fuck where you go.



Man: So, what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: That explains the moustache then!



Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilised.

Man: No problem, I'll just shoot my load up your arse



Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick that is impossible to shake off once you've been shagged.



Man: Where have you been all my life?

Woman: Fortunately, somewhere else.

Man: Just as well cos I've been shagging your mum while your dad watches.



Man: You're pretty

Woman: Piss off!

Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly, you fat bitch.

:eek:

If you try to pick up a chick an she tells you to sod off - here's what to say:
-snip-

Damn that was amusing :D

Ok, am still greatly bored. Tell us what is the worst pick-up line you have EVER heard!

Here's one:
Hey baby, is that a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I see myself in your pants!
*pukes*

"Hey, i'll bet your moustache tickles when i kiss it!" (to a girl)

"I'll be quick!"

"Would you care for a wormdo?" (RED DWARF)

"Lets get married"

"I just HATE commitment"

"I just LOVE commitment"

"If I buy you a drink and pinch your arse will you give me a blow job?"

"You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs, any questions?"

"interested in good sex?"
"No!"
"Cool, then get it on with me!"

"Hey, the word of the day is "legs", baby. So why dont you and I go to my place and spread the word."

"Nice shoes. Wanna Fuck?"