NationStates Jolt Archive

Many, many years ago I had my first real girlfriend, in college. I was very happy and loved her very much, and she loved me. It was the first time someone had loved me that much. Life being what it is, I sadly had to move away to another city and, even though we exchanged letters for a while (this was before email) and I traveled a few times to see her, we drifted appart. As a result, it's always felt like unfinished business.

So, last night, while browsing through a University's website I come across her name in a list of faculty members and think "Could it be her? Nah, it couldn't" then I check the short bio that's somewhere else on the site and it's her!

I could try to call her, in fact I will, but I would be making this august body a diservice if I at least didn't ask if you think this is a good or a bad idea.

So, there it is. Express yourselves.

Everytime I run into an old girlfriend, it turns out I have a kid I didn't know about. I've stopped leaving the house.

Everytime I run into an old girlfriend, it turns out I have a kid I didn't know about. I've stopped leaving the house.
:D Well, no chance of that happening here! Believe it or not, we never got down to it: the doorbell would ring, change of plans, etc. etc. It's hard in a conservative society to get the right mood and opportunity and plus all those distractions on top.

Huh, I'm not sure.

Seeing how you say you both loved each other and it just kind of ended because of exterior circumstances, my ol' romantic's heart says "Go for it and you'll end up living happily ever after", which is probably bullshit since chances she (and maybe you, too) has long since moved on. Maybe she's happily married with kids or something.

If it had been a case where she dumped you and you never got over her, I'd definitely say don't contact her, but in this case, I just don't know.

I'm still in semi-contact with most of my old girlfriends, though them living all over the world now makes that difficult. The only one that's still close enough to talk to regularly... well, I'd rather she was living somewhere else...;)

Seeing how you say you both loved each other and it just kind of ended because of exterior circumstances, my ol' romantic's heart says "Go for it and you'll end up living happily ever after", which is probably bullshit since chances she (and maybe you, too) has long since moved on. Maybe she's happily married with kids or something.
Well, I don't expect we'll get back together. She could be married as you say and I'm now living in another country anyway. It'd just be nice to know what's happened on her life.

Well, I don't expect we'll get back together. She could be married as you say and I'm now living in another country anyway. It'd just be nice to know what's happened on her life.
Well, then I'd say go for it. :)

I've done it a few times, and I think the best thing that comes from it is, at best, a feeling of "What did I ever see in that person?" ...at worst, you'll fall back in love and realize you want to be with them again. Or is it the other way around?

Usually I just feel disappointed because nothing particularly notable ever happens during these meetings.

I'd get in touch with her. Maybe youl just catch up and that will be the end of it, youl still get a sense of closure. Or you might become friends. Or have sex. Or even get back together.

It is better to rush in headlong than to just sit around going dum de dum, la la la, etc.

At the very least you'll get some closure. I say go for it.

I still remain in contact with both of my ex-gfs.

is it a good idea? I would have to say it depends on how the break up occurs.

Well, I don't expect we'll get back together. She could be married as you say and I'm now living in another country anyway. It'd just be nice to know what's happened on her life.
i think you should send her an email and leave it to her if she wants to respond or call you herself.

Old flames are dead matches.

i think you should send her an email and leave it to her if she wants to respond or call you herself.
IF all you want to do is catch up on old times and have absolutly no romantic interest in the back of your mind, I would agree with this.

IF you have anything else in mind, leave it alone. Especially if you're married and it may cause problems with the spouce.

Personally, I'm friends with all my old loves. Never had a bad breakup. But, I'm also very much in love with my wife and would never want to change that. Better to never see old loves again if it will screw up the current love.

funny if she was a memeber of NS and is taking part in this thread. it is a small world after all ......

If you are married or in a relationship, don't make contact, it will only lead to trouble. If you are single, then send a non commital type 'I saw your name on the website and just had to say hi and hope you are well' email...she may very well be married and leave it up to her to respond.

It might open a big can of worms that you can't close. I would like to add that people change, change a lot. I have come across my first serious boyfriend, as he is one of the instructors at my sons army cadets, we always talk and say hello, but he and I are both very different people than when we were 18, and I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole now....

:D

Well, I called her already and it was a... friendly call... I'd say. I think she was between surprised and freaked out and also wondering why I'd called her.

I hope she doesn't think our drifting appart was due to indifference. Although it was over 15 years ago, which I think is enough time to get over someone.

Anyway, we spoke for about two or three minutes (we both are at work) and gave her my email. She said she'd be in touch and made me repeat the email three times, so I guess she will. Or maybe not.

IF you have anything else in mind, leave it alone. Especially if you're married and it may cause problems with the spouce.
Even if I had something else in mind, she's like 5,000 km away. I'm not married, but she might. Did I mention all this happened over 15 years ago?

funny if she was a memeber of NS and is taking part in this thread. it is a small world after all ......
Hmmm... and it's a big forum...

It might open a big can of worms that you can't close. I would like to add that people change, change a lot.
Of course, I mean, what if she put on like 60 kg or became an embittered woman like the one in Great Expectations... OMG! She might try to find me and kill me!!! Aaaaaah!!!! Mmmm... but I somehow doubt it :) I'm not that missable.

I have come across my first serious boyfriend, as he is one of the instructors at my sons army cadets, we always talk and say hello, but he and I are both very different people than when we were 18, and I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole now....
Did you ever touch him with a barge pole?

Did you ever touch him with a barge pole?

Yes. What else do you do? Please remember that I am a lady....and an English one at that...English people have a different kind of relationship...

Everytime I get a production that has a web announcement it seems someone finds me. That comes from having a name that only two other people have, I guess. One of the guys I think I like more than me. He's a horseshoe champ and has a 'close encounter' with a UFO. The other is just some baseball yutz at some college. (I wonder if they look themselves up and see me, and what they think...anyway...)

It's kinda a pain in the ass, really. I think the curiousty about what they've been up to or who they've become was better than knowing. But I always answer the e-mail...

How that old song go? "All My Exes Live in Texas" Well everwhere but NY. Shit I'm running out of states. Maybe I could move to Europe.:p