NationStates Jolt Archive


"Immortal life beyond dreams of man" for only .99

Lazy Otakus
06-04-2006, 17:54
Yes, it's true. All you need is the Grow Your Own 1up Mushroom Kit.

Extra Life!

Deep in the basement of an ancient house in Sonobe (tucked in the fields of Kyoto, Japan), an amazing discovery has been made: real 1up Mushrooms. We know this sounds unbelievable, and we laughed when we were contacted by an exporter about them two months ago. But then we were sent a sample, and that's when our lives changed forever.

http://img333.imageshack.us/img333/4442/1up0fp.jpg

The instructions are pretty simple. All you do is add potting soil to the green sewer-pipe-shaped flower pot, and push the spores deep into it. Soak the soil with water using the dropper, add a squirt of the food solution, and then it's off to a dark location for a few weeks. We left ours in the darkest corner of our server room, and broke out our NES to relive some classic Mario memories. Three weeks later, we checked in on it. To our surprise, what you see in the photo above is what greeted us - a perfect 1up mushroom. Thrilled, we jumped up in the air, punched the ceiling tiles (earning 10 coins), and instantly bought the entire stock of them to offer to you, our friends.

The packet claims that eating the 1up Mushroom will grant "immortal life beyond dreams of man." It also has the warning: Do not put in face. To be honest, we haven't gotten up the courage to eat one yet. We have, however, sent one to the Smithsonian Institution and another to the National Institutes of Health for study. So far, everyone we show it to, especially the mycologists we know, have been very excited about this discovery. We sell them to you now, warn you not to eat them (yet!), and join us in crossing your fingers for the lab results. We'll post more as soon as we know.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/1upmushroom.shtml?cpg=28H
Gauthier
06-04-2006, 18:14
Oh geeze, as if the DEA doesn't have enough mushroom derivatives to deal with...

"FREEZE!! DEA!!" "HE'S GOT A GUN!!" BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM "JESUS CHRIST, HE GOT BACK UP AGAIN!!"
Lunatic Goofballs
06-04-2006, 18:18
Yes, it's true. All you need is the Grow Your Own 1up Mushroom Kit.

Well, they never actually show Mario eating it, and that warning: 'Do not put in face' confirms what I've always suspected;

1up Mushrooms are meant to be used as suppositories. :eek:
Gauthier
06-04-2006, 18:21
1up Mushrooms are meant to be used as suppositories. :eek:

That's just wrong on so many levels.
Lunatic Goofballs
06-04-2006, 18:24
That's just wrong on so many levels.

That's what warp zones are for. :)
Teh_pantless_hero
06-04-2006, 18:26
ThinkGeek is awesome, the end.
Gauthier
06-04-2006, 18:28
That's what warp zones are for. :)

At least they haven't discovered the Power Up Mushrooms yet. Can you imagine trying to use one of those and it starts growing?
Lunatic Goofballs
06-04-2006, 18:29
At least they haven't discovered the Power Up Mushrooms yet. Can you imagine trying to use one of those and it starts growing?

I'm holding out for fire flowers. :)
Sumamba Buwhan
06-04-2006, 19:14
holy hell that is too awesome for words! HOw'd they do that? is it a real live mushroom for realsies? if so then it's to awesome for words and therefore: ":eek: "
Zilam
06-04-2006, 19:18
Oh geeze, as if the DEA doesn't have enough mushroom derivatives to deal with...

"FREEZE!! DEA!!" "HE'S GOT A GUN!!" BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM "JESUS CHRIST, HE GOT BACK UP AGAIN!!"


Lmao...That made me giggle like a little school girl:p
Lunatic Goofballs
06-04-2006, 19:19
Assuming it's real and works, there are three pssibilities:

1) Somehow they painted a spore in such a way that when it grows int a full-sized mushroom, it has that paricular pattern(unlikely)

2) It's like a Sea Monkey or similar growing sponge-like toy. (more likely)

3) Elven magic. (most likely)
Teh_pantless_hero
06-04-2006, 19:20
Oh geeze, as if the DEA doesn't have enough mushroom derivatives to deal with...

"FREEZE!! DEA!!" "HE'S GOT A GUN!!" BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM "JESUS CHRIST, HE GOT BACK UP AGAIN!!"
"What the hell?! He's back up, but he is half as tall!"
Zilam
06-04-2006, 19:20
do they have any idea how long it will take to discover the raccon tail, the fire plant or yoshi?:p
Zilam
06-04-2006, 19:30
At least they haven't discovered the Power Up Mushrooms yet. Can you imagine trying to use one of those and it starts growing?


Would that be kinda like a human viagra(instead of the penal kind)?
Gauthier
06-04-2006, 19:38
Would that be kinda like a human viagra(instead of the penal kind)?

It'll become the drug of choice among basketball players. And if Shaq ever uses it, they'll have to call down the National Guard to Miami before it ends up like Tokyo.

"This is Eye on the Sky Cam reporting live. Downtown Miami is still in chaos after Shaqzilla's latest rampage. A state of emergency has been declared, and a multinational force has been gathered between here and Walt Disney World, as intelligence reports indicate that Shaqzilla is in the mood to practice some free throws with the Epcot Center. All families and cartoon characters are being forcibly evacuated from what is now becoming The Unhappiest Place on the Planet."