NationStates Jolt Archive

I had a lizard that could walk on water.
MIAMI, Florida (Reuters) -- The New Testament says that Jesus walked on water, but a Florida university professor believes there could be a less miraculous explanation -- he walked on a floating piece of ice.

Professor Doron Nof also theorized in the early 1990s that Moses's parting of the Red Sea had solid science behind it.

Nof, a professor of oceanography at Florida State University, said on Tuesday that his study found an unusual combination of water and atmospheric conditions in what is now northern Israel could have led to ice formation on the Sea of Galilee.

Nof used records of the Mediterranean Sea's surface temperatures and statistical models to examine the dynamics of the Sea of Galilee, which Israelis know now as Lake Kinneret.

The study found that a period of cooler temperatures in the area between 1,500 and 2,600 years ago could have included the decades in which Jesus lived.

A drop in temperature below freezing could have caused ice -- thick enough to support a human -- to form on the surface of the freshwater lake near the western shore, Nof said. It might have been nearly impossible for distant observers to see a piece of floating ice surrounded by water.
Link (http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/04/04/jesus.science.reut/index.html)

THIS IS AN EFFRONT TO GOD!

Besides....how can you walk on smooth ice? XD Jesus walked on water and the red sea parted for Moses.

Not that I believe Jesus did walk on water, but Jesus walking, in sandals, on a big bit of ice in a lake(or sea, whatever) sounds ridiculous. And how could it possibly be that the people who went fishing in that sea/lake/puddle every day managed not to notice big ass pieces of ice floating around the place? Fair enough if they happened not to notice that one piece that Jesus performed a miracle of balance on, but surely there'd be more than one piece, and they were fishing, as in with nets in the water.

Anyone need some fertiliser. Cos we got a whole load of bullshit here.

Not that I believe Jesus did walk on water, but Jesus walking, in sandals, on a big bit of ice in a lake(or sea, whatever) sounds ridiculous. And how could it possibly be that the people who went fishing in that sea/lake/puddle every day managed not to notice big ass pieces of ice floating around the place? Fair enough if they happened not to notice that one piece that Jesus performed a miracle of balance on, but surely there'd be more than one piece, and they were fishing, as in with nets in the water.
Perhaps the Bible's writers purposefully left out those details to make it seem more miraculous to readers (most of whom wouldn't live in that area).

THIS IS AN EFFRONT TO GOD!

Besides....how can you walk on smooth ice? XD Jesus walked on water and the red sea parted for Moses.

Affront[/spelling nazi]

Maybe that's what the miralce was. It was meant to read 'Jesus walked on some really slippy ice in the water' but somebodoy splashed water on it and it ended up 'Jesus walked[........ILLEGIBLE.......]on water'

lol - yeah everyone was amazed when Jesus was able to walk on ice!

gimme a break - what really happened was that there were stones that he placed in the water the night before as a practical joke but everyone was like OMG WTF? and then he got lots of chicks and Jesus saw that it was good to be the messiah.

Perhaps the Bible's writers purposefully left out those details to make it seem more miraculous to readers (most of whom wouldn't live in that area).

I doubt the Bible's writers could destroy all the records from that region relating to the inexplicable formation of ice in the sea. Something like that wouls surely be attributed to god, and as such recorded as a miracle/sign the end is nigh/sign to drink martinis.

I find that believing Jesus didn't walk on water, period, easier to believe than the whole "Jesus walking on a floating piece of ice in the Middle East"

I doubt the Bible's writers could destroy all the records from that region relating to the inexplicable formation of ice in the sea. Something like that wouls surely be attributed to god, and as such recorded as a miracle/sign the end is nigh/sign to drink martinis.


seriously - they'd be like "Whoa man! Moses created ice and shit!"

Is this the guy who thought that Aliens were responsible for the Red Sea (with some kind of gravity beam) or just a crazy man?

I doubt the Bible's writers could destroy all the records from that region relating to the inexplicable formation of ice in the sea.
I wouldn't have though ice forming in cold weather was that inexplicable. It snowed in Israel and Palestine two years ago (someone built a snowman outside Arafat's compound), but you didn't hear people declaring that a miracle - few people outside of the region seem to have even heard about it.

I think the problem with this whole theory is that in the story, Jesus was able to walk on water while the disciples witnessed from the boat in which they crossed the lake. Peter was able to walk on the water until the point that he began to doubt....I'm pretty sure that, if ice had been the reason behind water-walking, there would've been more trying than just old Pete.
Bible passage, for those who aren't familiar (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2014:22-33)

Now I'm just as likely as the next reasonable Christian to look for logic in the verses, but this one seems like a desperate grasp for logic....

[/two cents]

It's quite simple. The bible was written by a binch of Jewish students on whatever the local equivilant of canabis was.

It explains everything.

lol - yeah everyone was amazed when Jesus was able to walk on ice!

gimme a break - what really happened was that there were stones that he placed in the water the night before as a practical joke but everyone was like OMG WTF? and then he got lots of chicks and Jesus saw that it was good to be the messiah.

See, now this makes sense. It went like this
Matthew:WTF (http://www.orlyowl.com/wtf.jpg) he's walking on water!
Thomas:O RLY? (http://www.orlyowl.com/orly4.jpg)
Peter:Ya, RLY (http://www.orlyowl.com/yarly.jpg)
Thomas:OIC (http://www.orlyowl.com/oic.jpg) Oh Snap (http://www.orlyowl.com/osnap.jpg)

Some time later.........
Jesus:OMG (http://www.orlyowl.com/omg.jpg) *dead* (http://www.orlyowl.com/dead.jpg)

I wouldn't have though ice forming in cold weather was that inexplicable. It snowed in Israel and Palestine two years ago (someone built a snowman outside Arafat's compound), but you didn't hear people declaring that a miracle - few people outside of the region seem to have even heard about it.

Ice forming in the sea of galilee 2000 years ago wouldn't be explained away by global warming or something like that.

See, now this makes sense. It went like this
Matthew:WTF (http://www.orlyowl.com/wtf.jpg) he's walking on water!
Thomas:O RLY? (http://www.orlyowl.com/orly4.jpg)
Peter:Ya, RLY (http://www.orlyowl.com/yarly.jpg)
Thomas:OIC (http://www.orlyowl.com/oic.jpg) Oh Snap (http://www.orlyowl.com/osnap.jpg)

Some time later.........
Jesus:OMG (http://www.orlyowl.com/omg.jpg) *dead* (http://www.orlyowl.com/dead.jpg)

*applauds*

See, now this makes sense. It went like this
Matthew:WTF (http://www.orlyowl.com/wtf.jpg) he's walking on water!
Thomas:O RLY? (http://www.orlyowl.com/orly4.jpg)
Peter:Ya, RLY (http://www.orlyowl.com/yarly.jpg)
Thomas:OIC (http://www.orlyowl.com/oic.jpg) Oh Snap (http://www.orlyowl.com/osnap.jpg)

Some time later.........
Jesus:OMG (http://www.orlyowl.com/omg.jpg) *dead* (http://www.orlyowl.com/dead.jpg)

Quite possibly one of the funniest posts ever.

Nah you don't get it right because the whole thing was done in a puddle on the shore they were sitting in this boat like low tide on a mudflat or something and Jesus fell out because they were all smoking mad ganj and he got up and was all like wow I can walk on water and all the other guys laughed their asses off and cracked open another amphora lol you should have been there

Quite possibly one of the funniest posts ever.

*celebratory dance*

*looks around* where are all the maniac Christians?

*looks around* where are all the maniac Christians?
They'll be logging on soon, school/office hours just finished in the US. :D

:) I better leave then I am tired of hearing that I am going to hell.

See, now this makes sense. It went like this
Matthew:WTF he's walking on water!
Thomas:O RLY?
Peter:Ya, RLY
Thomas:OIC Oh Snap

Some time later.........
Jesus:OMG *dead*
:D That's actually exactly how I pictured it after reading Sumamba's post.


They'll be logging on soon, school/office hours just finished in the US. :D

*Zing :p

:D That's actually exactly how I pictured it after reading Sumamba's post.
Owls. Is there any internet colloquialism they don't have the perfect facial expression for?

Veryily, yay. Unto Jesus did ice ome and yay to thee who believeth unto the spiky, grip sandals on the feetsies of the lord.

Quite possibly one of the funniest posts ever.
It's certainly in the top five... well, ten... no, fifty... um... five hundred?

Veryily, yay. Unto Jesus did ice ome and yay to thee who believeth unto the spiky, grip sandals on the feetsies of the lord.
It scaresme when you talk like that.:(

Owls. Is there any internet colloquialism they don't have the perfect facial expression for?
zomfg ima get sum uber h4x an ima pwn j00 liek ur wanna pay $$$ 4 me to stop lolololz!!!11eleven.

^
^
^

Find one for that.

It scaresme when you talk like that.:(
Go, then unto the unclean heathen, yay. verily jesus hath wrot to thee sandals with sandpaper that will verily unto not slip on ice, yay. :)

zomfg ima get sum uber h4x an ima pwn j00 liek ur wanna pay $$$ 4 me to stop lolololz!!!11eleven.

^
^
^

Find one for that.
Alritey then (http://www.orlyowl.com/alrightythen.jpg)I like a challenge.
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y239/NuGo1988/TGsowl.jpg
:D (http://www.orlyowl.com/cooler.jpg)

It's really quite simple.

He got everyone a nice little amount of leaves...

...put big leather pouches filled with air on his feet...

...and used them as floaties.

Solution determined.

Jesus, the first true robe-wearing, long-haired, reefer-smoking, peace-loving hippy.

:D

This is a great one:

http://static.flickr.com/24/56733884_8a9876603c.jpg

:D

The one you posted is more of a standard O RLY, BTW.

Really....well I say this guy is a crackpot who thinks Noah never built his ark. :P

Alritey then (http://www.orlyowl.com/alrightythen.jpg)I like a challenge.
http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y239/NuGo1988/TGsowl.jpg
:D (http://www.orlyowl.com/cooler.jpg)
Owned!

lmao at the entire exchange. It's good to see the owls again.

I’ve walked and even run on water before. It’s a little slippery at times but in the Winter it’s great fun. Maybe they were making a big deal about it in the Bible because it was really thin ice and he was rescuing a puppy? :)

It’s so hard to figure out what went on 2000 years ago from the testimony of people who weren’t even there. It’s like getting news reports from the people who talked to the people who talked to the people who were there.

It’s so hard to figure out what went on 2000 years ago from the testimony of people who weren’t even there. It’s like getting news reports from the people who talked to the people who talked to the people who were there.

Yea right. Like there are more accurate bits of evidence then 2000 year old testimonies. I think not.

THIS IS AN EFFRONT TO GOD!

Besides....how can you walk on smooth ice? XD Jesus walked on water and the red sea parted for Moses.
Did not. It was just low tide.

Did not. It was just low tide.
i think someone proved a while ago that it was the onset of a tidal wave. but ya gotta admit twas damn good timing.

THIS IS AN EFFRONT TO GOD!

Besides....how can you walk on smooth ice? XD Jesus walked on water and the red sea parted for Moses.

Sorry I don't understand that, what is an effront to God?

God is the creator right, so that means that God is above every single thing, if God created us, how could anything that we do be an effront to God.

Tell me how does one go about insulting God then?

The Most Spectacular Show ever presented coming to a skating rink near you "The New Testament on Ice" with music by Rick Wakeman.

It's quite simple. The bible was written by a binch of Jewish students on whatever the local equivilant of canabis was.

It explains everything.

That would be.....canabis.

The Middle East, and come to think of it, the far East as well, have been Hashish smoking cultures since the dawn of time.

As for this walking on water business, lets look at what we have.

A thousand and a half year old document, written by people who werent there, on the word of other people who werent there either, and had died a century before.

Not exactly reliable.

Perhaps its a metaphor.
Jesus "walked on water" , or did the impossible...becuase hes the son of god and all...
and when Thomas doubted Jesus, while attempting the same trick...he failed.
Perhaps that little story never happened, and its merely a story meant to enforce the importance of blind faith?

Sorry I don't understand that, what is an effront to God?

God is the creator right, so that means that God is above every single thing, if God created us, how could anything that we do be an effront to God.

Tell me how does one go about insulting God then?

Like this:

"You vaccous, stuffy nosed, maloderous, PERVERT!"

He really hates that one.

THIS IS AN EFFRONT TO GOD!

Besides....how can you walk on smooth ice? XD Jesus walked on water and the red sea parted for Moses.
They think the red sea thing was actually great timing when their group got to an area of low tide and by the time the other army got there it was high tide and that gave them plenty of hours to escape.

Like this:

"You vaccous, stuffy nosed, maloderous, PERVERT!"

He really hates that one.

Hahahah yeah I can see why, I I I can't bring meself to even read the words!

Like this:

"You vaccous, stuffy nosed, maloderous, PERVERT!"

He really hates that one.
Actually, I can live with that one. But add in a few more slurs on sensitive areas and you might just have the perfect insult. :p

The one you posted is more of a standard O RLY, BTW.

I know. Lackin in photoshop skillz and being too lazy to get a different picture of an owl I just typed all that crap onto a blank ORLY owl.

How could a fishing boat have sailed across the lake then? Why would they even have fishing boats. And the boats would have been made of wood, because they were peasants, yes? And don't you need ice 3 inches thick to support a man? How could a wooden boat break through that ice?

Actually, I can live with that one. But add in a few more slurs on sensitive areas and you might just have the perfect insult. :p

Im glad you like, but I cant take the credit, thats a blatant Python-ism.

How could a fishing boat have sailed across the lake then? Why would they even have fishing boats. And the boats would have been made of wood, because they were peasants, yes? And don't you need ice 3 inches thick to support a man? How could a wooden boat break through that ice?

I don't think anyone is claiming the whole lake froze over.

Yep. Jesus walked on water. Solid water.

*cough*gravedig*cough*

Like this:

"You vaccous, stuffy nosed, maloderous, PERVERT!"

He really hates that one.
Aghck! The punctuation! The grammar! The spelling!

MY EYES! /washes face thoroughly in battery acid/

And thanks, Ritcromancer.