NationStates Jolt Archive

This November, it will have been 10 years of continuous togetherness for me and my common-law spouse. We have two girls, ages four and two respectively. For a long time I've thought, "what's the point"? But I suddenly decided that we should get married this summer. My spouse is agreeable, but neither of us wants to waste a lot of money on a big to do, so we're considering just doing the deed in Cuba, with our children as the only guests.

As you're Canadian, I support your decision.

Do it just so you have an excuse to go on a honeymoon.

As you're Canadian, I support your decision.
Beautiful logic there Fass.

I was under the impression you were already married...:eek:
Shows how deceiving the internet can be...:p

Congrats Sin.....:)


I dont believe in spending big money on all that stuff. It seems like such a waste to me when that money could be better spent on the family. My best friend spent so much money it was ridiculous. $500 for napkins? Give me a break! Just take some great photos so we can share a few moments of your life.:)

Do it just so you have an excuse to go on a honeymoon.
I guess we already had it when we went to Cuba in February. This time our kids will be with us the whole time. Hardly the right recipe for romance:)

oooh yay!! :D :fluffle: go for it! :D
if you've been together 10 years, i guess you don't need best wishes or anything like that, but still... congratulations! :P

Er, why? Why do you want to do that?

I'm not negative, I just never understood why people wanted to get married...

I was under the impression you were already married...:eek:
Shows how deceiving the internet can be...:p
In a sense I am, since we are common-law spouses. But we've never actually gone through any sort of ceremony, and marriage does have a few legal distinctions I'm unclear on:)

I guess we already had it when we went to Cuba in February. This time our kids will be with us the whole time. Hardly the right recipe for romance:)

The heck with that. If you're not going to use it as an excuse to take a ridiculously lavish vacation, then why bother? What else do you gain from it, besides a ton of wedding presents?

As you're Canadian, I support your decision.
What nationality would I have to be for you to not support my decision?:p

The heck with that. If you're not going to use it as an excuse to take a ridiculously lavish vacation, then why bother? What else do you gain from it, besides a ton of wedding presents?
Um, actually, we won't even get that, since we aren't inviting anyone to come with us, and people who don't get invited to weddings rarely buy presents.

I think I just feel some need for a symbolic renewal of our relationship since it's been nearly a decade. I'm not sure why I have this urge now...but I want it wrapped up before I attend law school. Weird.

What nationality would I have to be for you to not support my decision?:p

Excluding Spanish, Dutch, Belgian, Canadian, any of the rest.

Er, why? Why do you want to do that?

I'm not negative, I just never understood why people wanted to get married...

I agree completely. I mean, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Or, are you just looking for another excuse to Cuba?

Um, actually, we won't even get that, since we aren't inviting anyone to come with us, and people who don't get invited to weddings rarely buy presents.

Pssh. Then why bother? Free stuff should be your main consideration here. :)


I think I just feel some need for a symbolic renewal of our relationship since it's been nearly a decade. I'm not sure why I have this urge now...but I want it wrapped up before I attend law school. Weird.

And what better way to symbolicly renew your relationship than a week of non-stop orgasms in an obscenely nice hotel overlooking a beach?

This November, it will have been 10 years of continuous togetherness for me and my common-law spouse. We have two girls, ages four and two respectively. For a long time I've thought, "what's the point"? But I suddenly decided that we should get married this summer. My spouse is agreeable, but neither of us wants to waste a lot of money on a big to do, so we're considering just doing the deed in Cuba, with our children as the only guests.
Sinuhue! That's great! I'd be interested in how you came to that decision.

BTW ... how does Cuba treat its gays?

Excluding Spanish, Dutch, Belgian, Canadian, any of the rest.
Why Germans? :(

EDIT: Ah, now I get it...

Excluding Spanish, Dutch, Belgian, Canadian, any of the rest.
Basically, the nationalities that would let you marry.

I spent $50 on my wedding, $20 for a dress, $25 for a license, and $5.00 for breakfast the next morning.

:D


There were like 12 people at my wedding, the preacher, the videographer, my best friend, my cousin, hubby's best friend, me and hubby, my grandparents, and my mom. (and 2 police officers that tried to write us a ticket)

Congrats Sin.....:)


I dont believe in spending big money on all that stuff. It seems like such a waste to me when that money could be better spent on the family. My best friend spent so much money it was ridiculous. $500 for napkins? Give me a break! Just take some great photos so we can share a few moments of your life.:)Ideally, I'd have a largish wedding on my parent's quarter section. We'd build a stage, have some bands, and have a huge barbeque. My hubby would wear the traditional Chilean huaso outfit ( http://www.radiousach.cl/img/huaso_huasa.gif) (not the dress:)) and I'd wear something traditional ( http://www.buckskinbunnydesigns.com/indianbunny.jpg) too. But even that could get a bit too pricey. His get-up would cost about $3500, and mine would take a long time to make. Plus all the food, and booze, the bands, and so on. We have better things to spend our money on, though if we won the lottery, I wouldn't be adverse to a big party. Ah well.

I accept your proposal.

:p

Seriously though, why the change of heart? Or is it in the thread and I should just read teh damn thing?

I spent $50 on my wedding, $20 for a dress, $25 for a license, and $5.00 for breakfast the next morning.

:D


There were like 12 people at my wedding, the preacher, the videographer, my best friend, my cousin, hubby's best friend, me and hubby, my grandparents, and my mom. (and 2 police officers that tried to write us a ticket)
For what? Being so cheap on your wedding?:p

I agree completely. I mean, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Or, are you just looking for another excuse to Cuba?
Obviously yes!

Excluding Spanish, Dutch, Belgian, Canadian, any of the rest.

What about us here in Massachusetts? Surely you would support my decision to get married, yes? :)

I just like to brag about Massachusetts. Someone has to.

Congrats man!
After ten years I think she's earned the ring, and you know it's not likely to go sour afterward so any money spent is spent well

I've always heard that a person doesn't know what true happiness is until they get married - and then it's too late! :D

Pssh. Then why bother? Free stuff should be your main consideration here. :) Bah, but it would be crappy free stuff. I don't need another toaster, or a velvet painting of Elvis. Actually, everyone needs a velvet painting of Elvis, but anyway. We'll set up some sort of fund people can donate to if they insist on gifts.


And what better way to symbolicly renew your relationship than a week of non-stop orgasms in an obscenely nice hotel overlooking a beach?
Nothing symbolic about that:)

For what? Being so cheap on your wedding?:p
hey, I had like $200.00 to my name at the time, I was being thrifty (in retrospect I probably didn't need the dress, but it was so cute)

apparently we didn't get the proper permits to be married where we had the wedding, and also the people in the community were scared about the weird people doing "some sort of ritual" out in the park at midnight. LOL

Obviously yes!

Then have a good time.

Bah, but it would be crappy free stuff. I don't need another toaster, or a velvet painting of Elvis. Actually, everyone needs a velvet painting of Elvis, but anyway. We'll set up some sort of fund people can donate to if they insist on gifts.

I suggest the Matthew Billings Fund. Very noble charity.


Nothing symbolic about that:)

Fine. What's more symbolic than sharing sunsets and walks on the beach and romantic dinners and all that other lovey crap in a ridiculously lavish hotel for a whole week without your children?

What about us here in Massachusetts? Surely you would support my decision to get married, yes? :)

No. I'm not really concerned with domestic regional politics, especially seeing as your state just decided not to let people from other states get married there unless their marriage is legal in their home states. Using a law designed to perpetuate racial segregation creatively like that is not something which reflects well on your state.

You could still get married in Provincetown even if you're from Texas...

Sinuhue! That's great! I'd be interested in how you came to that decision. Alright, to those of you who've encountered my anti-marriage rants, I'll let you in on my epiphany. We clearly have a commitment to one another, since we've been together so long, and chose to have children together. But our commitment has mostly gone unsaid. Neither of us are particularly interested in a lavish wedding, and we certainly don't feel less together because we aren't officially married. However, deep down in a sneaky little betraying part of myself, I feel like it's time to have some sort of upfront, conscious declaration of our intentions to stay together. We could just do that...but there are a few little legal issues that we've come up against lately that would be nicely cleared up by marriage (no, there is no spousal immunity in Canada, so it's not that), so while we're declaring our intentions, we might as well do the final nasty. Plus my kids are old enough to make cute flower girls, and it's an excuse to go to Cuba again and have a big celebration. We have a few years of privation ahead of us, and I think we need this little space of joy before it begins.


BTW ... how does Cuba treat its gays?
Hmmm...not great. Gay men have a few places to hang out, but Cubans still can't conceive of women being satisfied by anything without a penis, so lesbians tend to be frowned upon.

No. I'm not really concerned with domestic regional politics, especially seeing as your state just decided not to let people from other states get married there unless their marriage is legal in their home states. Using a law designed to perpetuate racial segregation creatively like that is not something which reflects well on your state.you know, its a good thing you can afford to be so smug, because otherwise you'd live in a constant state of self-loathing and embarassment.

Er, why? Why do you want to do that?

I'm not negative, I just never understood why people wanted to get married...

LOL me too. Except for certain obvious things but still, why bother? Meh. People are weird. BUT CONGRATS ANYWAYS SINAHUE! I guess. :D :P Heehee.

I spent $50 on my wedding, $20 for a dress, $25 for a license, and $5.00 for breakfast the next morning.

:D


There were like 12 people at my wedding, the preacher, the videographer, my best friend, my cousin, hubby's best friend, me and hubby, my grandparents, and my mom. (and 2 police officers that tried to write us a ticket)
I WOULD like his and my immediate families to be there, but that would be a financial nightmare. Ah well. We'll have a BBQ with them when we get back:)

What nationality would I have to be for you to not support my decision?:p

Well if you were an American going to Cuba might not be that great an idea. Due to how crazy the government is.

you know, its a good thing you can afford to be so smug, because otherwise you'd live in a constant state of self-loathing and embarassment.

Which your ilk should know all about.

Fine. What's more symbolic than sharing sunsets and walks on the beach and romantic dinners and all that other lovey crap in a ridiculously lavish hotel for a whole week without your children?
A surrealistic play dipicting such events:)

you know, its a good thing you can afford to be so smug, because otherwise you'd live in a constant state of self-loathing and embarassment.
How could you loathe yourself for being right?

And what better way to symbolicly renew your relationship than a week of non-stop orgasms in an obscenely nice hotel overlooking a beach?

LOL that made me seriously laugh out loud. Sounds good too, :D.

I WOULD like his and my immediate families to be there, but that would be a financial nightmare. Ah well. We'll have a BBQ with them when we get back:)
yeah, we had a reception for everyone a few weeks after the wedding, someone made us a cake and loaned out their house, and everyone had a ton of fun, didn't cost us anything.

;)

Which your ilk should know all about.I won't bother to hazard a guess at what you're reffering to.

hey, I had like $200.00 to my name at the time, I was being thrifty (in retrospect I probably didn't need the dress, but it was so cute)

apparently we didn't get the proper permits to be married where we had the wedding, and also the people in the community were scared about the weird people doing "some sort of ritual" out in the park at midnight. LOL

LOL that is funny. Why spend much money on your wedding, thriftyness is good! What kind of wedding did you have that made people think you were being weird? Or was it just the midnight thing?

I won't bother to hazard a guess at what you're reffering to.

Far be it from you to have a spine in doing so.

LOL that is funny. Why spend much money on your wedding, thriftyness is good! What kind of wedding did you have that made people think you were being weird? Or was it just the midnight thing?
it was mostly the midnight thing, it was cold, and dark and there were some people gathered around the duck pond in the middle of the night, dressed up.... I am sure we did look suspicious. :D

*bitch slaps you both out of my marriage thread*

Hmmm...not great. Gay men have a few places to hang out, but Cubans still can't conceive of women being satisfied by anything without a penis, so lesbians tend to be frowned upon.

That doesn't surprise me...

No. I'm not really concerned with domestic regional politics, especially seeing as your state just decided not to let people from other states get married there unless their marriage is legal in their home states. Using a law designed to perpetuate racial segregation creatively like that is not something which reflects well on your state.

His state CANT recognize those marriages whether they want to or not....those people belong to another state.

Also, whats this about racial segreation?

it was mostly the midnight thing, it was cold, and dark and there were some people gathered around the duck pond in the middle of the night, dressed up.... I am sure we did look suspicious. :D
Somehow this doesn't sound like it was an approved Christian ceremony...

*bitch slaps you both out of my marriage thread*

You bitch slaps are notoriously puny. Nevertheless, I'll leave you to your coquettish display. My patience is wearing thin tonight.

it was mostly the midnight thing, it was cold, and dark and there were some people gathered around the duck pond in the middle of the night, dressed up.... I am sure we did look suspicious. :D

Hee hee hee, yeah it might of looked that way. "Are they going to sacrifice ducks?" Oh too have been there at the time. lol

Well anyway, I hope the rest of your life together is even better than that which preceeded it.

<3 Much love for Sinner and her family <3

You bitch slaps are notoriously puny. Nevertheless, I'll leave you to your coquettish display. My patience is wearing thin tonight.
I've noted that fact. I'm rather spacey today, and unable to articulate myself. Wait. That's par for the course. Anyway...see you later:)

Hubs and I talk about having a Halloween wedding one day since we didnt have a big shin dig when we got married. It would basically be a big party and everyone would come in a costume and the deco would be dark and scary of course......fun Halloweeny food. I guess I'd dress like the Bride of Frankenstein or something.

Well anyway, I hope the rest of your life together is even better than that which preceeded it.

<3 Much love for Sinner and her family <3
A big motivator for running off to Cuba is the fact that I really don't want to expend much effort organising a big wedding. I have too much else to do:) And thanks for the well-wishes!

Far be it from you to have a spine.
If having a spine means trying my hardest to understand your vaguely snarky remarks, I'll stay without one then.

His state CANT recognize those marriages whether they want to or not....those people belong to another state.

So you're saying all those non-Nevadians who get married in Vegas aren't married? Please. Think your argument through, next time, before you post, please.

Also, whats this about racial segreation?

The law invoked was created to insulate Mass. from the effects of interracial marriage visavi other states. It allowed Mass. to deny interracial couples from other states to be wed in Mass. if those states did not allow interracial marriages. Basically a coward's law meant to appease racists. And they're using it today to cower to and appease homophobes.

Hubs and I talk about having a Halloween wedding one day since we didnt have a big shin dig when we got married. It would basically be a big party and everyone would come in a costume and the deco would be dark and scary of course......fun Halloweeny food. I guess I'd dress like the Bride of Frankenstein or something.

That would be so cool. I have always wanted that if I ever get ,arried to have the wedding either on Halloween or in at some point in October that way it can be Halloweeny and not ruin the holiday for me if things go badly.

GREAT!

If for no other reason, your children will benefit. (I know a lot will say it makes no diference to the kids, but it does. They will feel more secure even if they were perfectly secure already.)

Don't worry about the gifts. I've been married 24 years. Used almost none of the gifts. Have moved them twice. Most are still in a pile in the back yard storage shed. My wife won't let me ebay them because they are wedding gifts.

Have fun. Let us know how much better you feel when it's over.

anyway... mazel tov Sinuhue. If marriage is what feels right to you now, that's fantastic - all the best to you and your family!

So you're saying all those non-Nevadians who get married in Vegas aren't married? Please. Think your argument through, next time, before you post, please.

I did think my argument through, you just dodged it.

That is a terrible analogy because traditional marriage is legal in every state in America, meanwhile gay marriage is only legal in one and ILLEGAL in all the rest, there fore...if you do something illegal to your home state, your home state will not recognize it. Where as if you do something legal, like regular marriage, your home state will recognize it becuase it is legal in your home state. Got it?



The law invoked was created to insulate Mass. from the effects of interracial marriage visavi other states. It allowed Mass. to deny interracial couples from other states to be wed in Mass. if those states did not allow interracial marriages. Basically a coward's law meant to appease racists. And they're using it today to cower to and appease homophobes.

You dont have to be scared of gays to not want gay marriage in America, you could just be a conservative, a religious person, or a general American.

That would be so cool. I have always wanted that if I ever get ,arried to have the wedding either on Halloween or in at some point in October that way it can be Halloweeny and not ruin the holiday for me if things go badly.My boyfriend and I talked about a wedding like this if and when we get married. I'd love to get married in a (black) gothic dress, but my mother claims she will not attend if I do so :rolleyes: The way I see it, though, is that it's our wedding and should be to our specifications/idiosyncrasies...if she still doesn't accept our choices after carefully considering that, well, we want a tiny wedding anyway..!

My boyfriend and I talked about a wedding like this if and when we get married. I'd love to get married in a (black) gothic dress, but my mother claims she will not attend if I do so :rolleyes: The way I see it, though, is that it's our wedding and should be to our specifications/idiosyncrasies...if she still doesn't accept our choices after carefully considering that, well, we want a tiny wedding anyway..!

LOL yeah and I am SURE that she'll turn up even if you were in a stripper get-up, after all she's your mom, and moms have way too many fantasies about their kids getting married to not go. Then again I don't know you rmother and maybe she wouldn't. I know if my mom said that she'd come anyways. I'm her only little girl. :D

I did think my argument through, you just dodged it.

That is a terrible analogy because traditional marriage is legal in every state in America, meanwhile gay marriage is only legal in one and ILLEGAL in all the rest, there fore...if you do something illegal to your home state, your home state will not recognize it. Where as if you do something legal, like regular marriage, your home state will recognize it becuase it is legal in your home state. Got it?

Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State.

It means shit that it's not legal in any other state. They still have to recognise Mass. marriages. This law Mass. is invoking is a coward's law so they don't have to deal with the other states being mad at them.

You dont have to be scared of gays to not want gay marriage in America, you could just be a conservative, a religious person, or a general American.

Are you going to go into this inanity once more where you're gonna claim homophobia to mean fear, despite the fact that the suffix -phobia is not used that way in modern English, and despite the definition of the word speaking against you? How many times do you have to be linked to a dictionary definition of a word before you stop acting like the petulant little bigot you are?

...moms have way too many fantasies about their kids getting married to not go.I think this is the problem for her...she's been dreaming about this huge white wedding for me since forever (especially, I am sure, since I'm her only kid), but I'm just not at all interested in either the crowds or the styles that she would like. But you're probably right, she'll 'give in' anyway...it's still too much of an important day :)

Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State.

It means shit that it's not legal in any other state.

It can mean all the "shit" in the world, but the law is the law, and states that have gay marriage outlawed cannot recognize it, simply because it, ready for this? IS AGAINST THE LAW.


Are you going to go into this inanity once more where you're gonna claim homophobia to mean fear, despite the fact that the suffix -phobia is not used that way in modern English, and despite the definition of the word speaking against you? How many time do you have to be linked to a dictionary definition of a word before you stop acting like a petulant little bigot?

Arachnophobia. -phobia means fear....anyway my point was you dont have to be a homophobe not to want gay marriage...you could simpy be a conservative, a religious man, or just a general American....my post still stands.

*wanders off in a daze, wondering if buckskin would be an appropriate choice of apparel in the hot carribbean sun...*

*wanders off in a daze, wondering if buckskin would be an appropriate choice of apparel in the hot carribbean sun...*
sounds a bit sweaty. go for somehting lighter, like silk or linnen. Maybe you could do a traditional design or traditional embroidery with a modern fabric so you'd be comfortable, and stylish.

*wanders off in a daze, wondering if buckskin would be an appropriate choice of apparel in the hot carribbean sun...*

Go with silk.

Somehow this doesn't sound like it was an approved Christian ceremony...
I was a Satanist at the time.....so probably not.

(although the midnight thing had nothing to do with anything other than we thought it would be cool and it was a personal joke between us)

I was a Satanist at the time.....so probably not.




What??:eek:

As you're Canadian, I support your decision.
and this is relevant how?...

What??:eek:
yep. mostly I was "not in church" and pissed off at them, not like a devil worshiping satanist more like a "I am my own God, let's go have a lot of sex" La Vey type satanist.

My boyfriend and I talked about a wedding like this if and when we get married. I'd love to get married in a (black) gothic dress, but my mother claims she will not attend if I do so :rolleyes: The way I see it, though, is that it's our wedding and should be to our specifications/idiosyncrasies...if she still doesn't accept our choices after carefully considering that, well, we want a tiny wedding anyway..!
hubby and I wanted to get married in a cemetery (you know the whole symbolism of dying to ourselves and stuff) but we couldn't find one that would let us in after dark, so we had to go for the park wedding (and still got in trouble for being there after dark)

yep. mostly I was "not in church" and pissed off at them, not like a devil worshiping satanist more like a "I am my own God, let's go have a lot of sex" La Vey type satanist.


Still a bit shocking to see that sentence comeing from you Smunk:p

I guess I hold you in a bit of an angelic state.

Still a bit shocking to see that sentence comeing from you Smunk:p

I guess I hold you in a bit of an angelic state.
yeah, it cracks me up the whole "Smunkee the innocent" thing that goes on around here, I am pure and innocent because I work to be that, not because it's my natural state. (believe me my natural state is anything but, pure.)

I think this is the problem for her...she's been dreaming about this huge white wedding for me since forever (especially, I am sure, since I'm her only kid), but I'm just not at all interested in either the crowds or the styles that she would like. But you're probably right, she'll 'give in' anyway...it's still too much of an important day :)

Yeah the fantasy of a "White Wedding" is a bit out there and common. I almost feel bad for parents who expect it and then get something they didn't want their kids to have, but it's their childrens wedding and not theirs. : )

...not like a devil worshiping satanist more like a "I am my own God, let's go have a lot of sex" La Vey type satanist.

Lol. That sounds cool. :D

No. I'm not really concerned with domestic regional politics, especially seeing as your state just decided not to let people from other states get married there unless their marriage is legal in their home states. Using a law designed to perpetuate racial segregation creatively like that is not something which reflects well on your state.

Alright, then. I guess I should just be proud that my state allowed gay marriages at all, unlike your backwards nation.

There's a time for love and a time for living.
You take a chance and face the wind.
An open road and a road that's hidden
A brand new life around the bend.

There were times when I lost a dream or two.
Found the trail, and at the end was you.
There's a path you take and a path untaken
The choice is up to you my friend.

Nights are long but you're on your way
To a brand new life,
Brand new life,
Brand new life around the bend.

A second-cousin of mine had one of the most lovely weddings I have ever attended, and it was not very expensive.

It was held on a bright Summer day in the garden of one partner's parents. The guests were on short notice, so it was a "come if you're free and around" kind of affair. There was a lunch right after the ceremony, on a few plastic tables on the lawn and driveway. The children of the couple got to participate as a witness and a ring-bearer (I usually advocate for children to be kept as far from weddings as possible, but these were well-behaved ones). It was not expensive at all, and if you really did not want to pick up a few plates of sandwiches and fruit at the supermarket you could always make it a potluck. It was a very nice party for a Saturday afternoon, and much better than the overdone commercialised weddings that most people seem to favour.

Seeing as you have been together for so long, the same sort of low-key, tender ceremony might make a nice addition to the photoalbum.

yeah, it cracks me up the whole "Smunkee the innocent" thing that goes on around here, I am pure and innocent because I work to be that, not because it's my natural state. (believe me my natural state is anything but, pure.)
Don't worry, I have no such illusions about you. I've read enough of your posts to realise you've had a very...checkered past:)

Er, why? Why do you want to do that?

I'm not negative, I just never understood why people wanted to get married...
Tax break...?
Edit: I'm in the US so it is a tax break.

Tax break...
What a load of crap. Being married here gives you absolutely no tax breaks. In fact, because you now have to report your combined income, you end up in a higher tax bracket, and become ineligible for the child tax credit, and for assorted other tax breaks. But they get you, because the second you have a child with someone you live with, you are declared common-law, which in terms of taxes, is equal to being married. So even if you DON'T get married, being common-law basically ensures you will always 'make too much money'.

Edit: alright, well now you know that this wouldn't be a consideration for Canadians.

What a load of crap. Being married here gives you absolutely no tax breaks. In fact, because you now have to report your combined income, you end up in a higher tax bracket, and become ineligible for the child tax credit, and for assorted other tax breaks. But they get you, because the second you have a child with someone you live with, you are declared common-law, which in terms of taxes, is equal to being married. So even if you DON'T get married, being common-law basically ensures you will always 'make too much money'.
it's a tax break in the US (though not much of one)

I don't understand people who don't understand why you would want to get married.

Congratulations! I hope that whatever you decide that you will enjoy it and have a wonderful day.

My only comment is this, if you don't invite your dearest friends and family, they might be hurt. I am not saying take them all to cuba, get married at home, with only close friends and family present, have a bbq party and I am sure if you tell people you are saving money they will help by bringing food and drink. Then maybe go to cuba as a honeymoon, if you really must go there! I know that if one of my close friends got married and I didn't get to share it, I would feel very sad. I wouldnt mind if all it was a low key ceremony, with only a bbq or small buffet afterwards, that makes no difference, it is the public sharing of the exchange of vows that I would wish to be part of. (does that make sense?)

In this country we are not allowed to get married in our homes or just where we would like, only at places that have a licence and that means that they can charge what they like, if I could get married in the garden with my friends around me, then I would choose that, no need for fancy stuff, just me, him and my loved ones. That is how I would like it to be if I could choose.

If not, I would like to get married at the church where my Mum is buried, so that I could feel that she is there with me.

Either way, as I said, I wish you much joy.

:D

Hey, good for you! I've been wondering if "common-law spouse" is really a legal term or if it's more of a social distinction. Can you get the same legal benefits from being a common-law spouse as a regular one?

Hey, good for you! I've been wondering if "common-law spouse" is really a legal term or if it's more of a social distinction. Can you get the same legal benefits from being a common-law spouse as a regular one?
I don't think you can in Oklahoma anymore. I think they just Un-leagalised it in the last few years.

Hey, good for you! I've been wondering if "common-law spouse" is really a legal term or if it's more of a social distinction. Can you get the same legal benefits from being a common-law spouse as a regular one?

In the US, the way it goes is that if you present yourself as married in public and neither of you objects then you are legally common-law married, you can file a tax return together, be listed as spouse on eachother's paperwork (insurance, ect.) and if you split you have to get an actual divorce.

There are instances where without an actual marriage license though you are sunk.

I don't think you can in Oklahoma anymore. I think they just Un-leagalised it in the last few years.
you still can federally (like file your federal return together) and the way the Oklahoma tax law is, you have to file it the same as the Fed, which means filed as married and then the "marriage law" says that if you file as married then you are married unless you get a divorce, so yeah you still can.

Hey, good for you! I've been wondering if "common-law spouse" is really a legal term or if it's more of a social distinction. Can you get the same legal benefits from being a common-law spouse as a regular one?
Most of the same. I haven't encountered many differences. One difference is when we applied for our daughter's passports, we needed a long form birth certificate for them showing both our names, instead of the regular birth certificate. Not much of a difference really.

Congratulations. Incidentally, your reasons (the specific one you listed) is why I defend the concept of marriage, too.