NationStates Jolt Archive

STAMFORD, CT—In response to criticism over World Wrestling Entertainment hiring policies, World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon defended the league's reliance on Mexican wrestlers as "the only way fans can witness the grueling, bone-crunching maneuvers that American wrestlers want nothing to do with."

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Illegal-Mexican-C.article.jpg
Mexican wrestler Rey Mysterio Jr. absorbs a brutal hit during a non-televised WWE event.

McMahon made the remarks after the Border Patrol, an unaffiliated Texas-based tag team known for wrestling masked Mexicans and then reporting them to Immigration and Naturalization Service officials, revealed that dozens of illegal Mexican wrestlers join the WWE each year.

The wrestlers, also known as "jobbers," come in search of greater title opportunities and more interesting storylines than those available in their small, unorganized Lucha Libre leagues.

"These masked luchadores are hard-working, energetic, and always willing to learn new skills that Americans consider beneath them—such as being power-bombed from the top turnbuckle or chokeslammed through the announcer's booth," said McMahon on this week's WWE Raw.

"The idea that these Mexicans are somehow stealing jobs from American wrestlers is ridiculous,"McMahon said.

"After all, someone's got to take these folding chairs to the face." McMahon then picked up a folding chair and whacked Rey Mysterio Jr. in the face.

It is not known exactly how many Mexican wrestlers are on the WWE payroll, since many lack Social Security numbers, or even clear and verifiable identities, as McMahon himself admitted Monday. "I know as much about these masked wrestlers as the fans do," McMahon said. "What's certain is, they often seem marvelous and mysterious, saintly, and even rude."

Yet some American-born wrestlers say they see the influx of Mexicans as a threat to current titleholders, with some going so far as to start on-camera feuds and challenge the Mexicans to special "Retirement Matches."

"Juventud Guerrera, you're headed for your own personal Day of the Dead," said Triple H, a noted opponent of Mexican wrestlers. "If I see you creeping down the aisle one more time, I'm going to notify the Big Boss Man, and you'll be sorry you ever crossed over into my storyline's territory."

Please don't tell me that you think this is a real article.

Please don't tell me that you think this is a real article.

I got it from a source as valid as the New York Times!
(cough) The Onion (cough)... ;)

They're even taking WWE hall of fame positions away from American wrestlers! Eddie Guerero's taking a Hall of Fame spot that could have gone to The Iron Sheik or something. Wait, he wasn't American either. I need a minute alone.

Yea it kind of looks like a fake article.

Yea it kind of looks like a fake article.

You're new at this, aren't you?

Haha! It's great! :D

STAMFORD, CT—In response to criticism over World Wrestling Entertainment hiring policies, World Wrestling Entertainment Chairman Vince McMahon defended the league's reliance on Mexican wrestlers as "the only way fans can witness the grueling, bone-crunching maneuvers that American wrestlers want nothing to do with."

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Illegal-Mexican-C.article.jpg
Mexican wrestler Rey Mysterio Jr. absorbs a brutal hit during a non-televised WWE event.

McMahon made the remarks after the Border Patrol, an unaffiliated Texas-based tag team known for wrestling masked Mexicans and then reporting them to Immigration and Naturalization Service officials, revealed that dozens of illegal Mexican wrestlers join the WWE each year.

The wrestlers, also known as "jobbers," come in search of greater title opportunities and more interesting storylines than those available in their small, unorganized Lucha Libre leagues.

"These masked luchadores are hard-working, energetic, and always willing to learn new skills that Americans consider beneath them—such as being power-bombed from the top turnbuckle or chokeslammed through the announcer's booth," said McMahon on this week's WWE Raw.

"The idea that these Mexicans are somehow stealing jobs from American wrestlers is ridiculous,"McMahon said.

"After all, someone's got to take these folding chairs to the face." McMahon then picked up a folding chair and whacked Rey Mysterio Jr. in the face.

It is not known exactly how many Mexican wrestlers are on the WWE payroll, since many lack Social Security numbers, or even clear and verifiable identities, as McMahon himself admitted Monday. "I know as much about these masked wrestlers as the fans do," McMahon said. "What's certain is, they often seem marvelous and mysterious, saintly, and even rude."

Yet some American-born wrestlers say they see the influx of Mexicans as a threat to current titleholders, with some going so far as to start on-camera feuds and challenge the Mexicans to special "Retirement Matches."

"Juventud Guerrera, you're headed for your own personal Day of the Dead," said Triple H, a noted opponent of Mexican wrestlers. "If I see you creeping down the aisle one more time, I'm going to notify the Big Boss Man, and you'll be sorry you ever crossed over into my storyline's territory."
You do know the WWE matches are all staged? They discuss how the matches will turn out just before they have the match. It's all preplanned.

You do know the WWE matches are all staged? They discuss how the matches will turn out just before they have the match. It's all preplanned.

Um... you know that this is an April Fool's thread? :D

(BTW: Yes, I've known WWF/WWE wrestling was fake even when I watched it when I was 12... back in 1986.)

Hey, April Fools is yesterday in Finland, you punk! :)

You do know the WWE matches are all staged? They discuss how the matches will turn out just before they have the match. It's all preplanned.

Father Christmas and wrestling ruined in the same day?

Thanks a lot...:-P

Hey, April Fools is yesterday in Finland, you punk! :)

(Containing the urge to sing the Monty Python "Finland" song...)

Yeah, but I've got 5 hours and change of it left here. (About 65km east of New York City). :D

(Containing the urge to sing the Monty Python "Finland" song...)
Wha, a Finland song?!
Yeah, but I've got 5 hours and change of it left here. (About 65km east of New York City). :D
You must mean North East, or do I have my geography all goofed up?

(Containing the urge to sing the Monty Python "Finland" song...)

Yeah, but I've got 5 hours and change of it left here. (About 65km east of New York City). :D

That only leaves you 7 hours too late, then. Well done :p

Wha, a Finland song?!?

Title: Finland
From: Monty Python ...Sings

=======

Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland.
The country where I want to be,
Pony trekking or camping,
Or just Wacthing TV,
Finland, Finland, Finland.
It's the country for me.

Verse : You're so near to Russia.
So far from Japan,
Quite a long way from Cairo,
Lots of miles from Vietnam.

Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland.
The country where I want to be,
Eating breakfast or dinner,
Or snack lunch in the Hall,
Finland, Finland, Finland.
Finland has it all.

Verse: You're so sadly neglected,
And often ignored.
A poor second to Belgium,
When going abroad.

Chorus : Finland, Finland, Finland.
The country where I quite want to be,
Your mountains so lofty,
Your treetops so tall,
Finland, Finland, Finland.
Finland has it all.

Repeat : Finland, Finland, Finland.
The country where I quite want to be,
Your treetops so tall,
Finland, Finland, Finland.
Finland has it all.

Fade : Finland has it all ...

You must mean North East, or do I have my geography all goofed up?

More or less northeast, yeah. It's mostly east, though.

That only leaves you 7 hours too late, then. Well done :p

Fear not. Once the UK realizes the EU isn't going to work, it'll become the 51st-54th States, and we'll move the Prime Meridian from Greenwich to Battery Park in Manhattan. :D

The Finland song was cute, but our numerous lakes are much more notable than our mountains.

The Finland song was cute, but our numerous lakes are much more notable than our mountains.

I for one like the reindeer meat soup with lingonberries... but we're getting far off topic. ;)

Nevermind, it's a prank.

Fear not. Once the UK realizes the EU isn't going to work, it'll become the 51st-54th States, and we'll move the Prime Meridian from Greenwich to Battery Park in Manhattan. :D
I meant more than April Fools is meant to stop at midday, and it was long after that NYC time when you posted :P

I meant more than April Fools is meant to stop at midday, and it was long after that NYC time when you posted :P

Huh? I've never heard of it stopping at midday...

Hey, April Fools is yesterday in Finland, you punk! :)
Heh, you're finnish but most of your island speaks swedish.

Huh? I've never heard of it stopping at midday...
I thought it was pretty standard everywhere that you did it up to midday, and after than you were the fool?