NationStates Jolt Archive

How many people here think Monogamy is a made up standard (in that if it was not pushed at us all the time with terms like cheating, and on TV and in books, that not as many people would cling to monogamy and this "one and only thing")

I think so. It is constanty bombarded at everyone in the media, books, ect.

Yet somthing like 70% of marriages have "cheating" and everyone (almost) thinks about someone other then their partner. So I think that being exclusive to one person alone is not a natural human thing, since so many people do "cheat"
Also, why do many Monogamist find Polyamoury offensive? If its not for you, then dont partake, but FFS leave other people to their own consenting devices (this can go for homosexuality, for kink/leather too, but there are 2 new subjects)

Anyways, does any one agree thats it an artifically pushed standard? Why or Why not?

I don't agree that it is artificially pushed, but I do agree that people who do not wish to be monogamous should not be expected to be monogamous. I would say an open relationship is better than the people in it cheating on each other.

Monogamy is an artificially pushed standard, but one deeply rooted in our society. Very deeply rooted.

You can see that monogamy in humans isn't likely a natural thing by observing the behaviour of other apes.

I've recently heard that there are laws, pertaining to marriage, that make it illegal in some U.S. States to marry more then one partner.

So a few basic views:

Do I think the Government has any place telling Adults how many people to marry, or what gender they marry into? No.

Do I think the Latter Day Saints should be discommunicating members for dodging (per)prosecution for Polygamy? Nope, talk about having your base not support you.

Do I think it will continue to be fashionable and average to only have one partner of the opposite gender? Course.

Is that just? Nope.

/edit: "are"

I very much agree that an open relationship is healthier than either partner cheating. But as much as you may agree or disagree with monogamy, I think we should just in general let people do what feels right to them. Some people are more prone to jealousy, or just like the trust in a relationship where there are only 2 people involved. I say to each their own.

I don't think monogamy is "pushed" in society as much as it is ingrained. Polygamy is illegal in America, and I've never actually understood why it's so demonized (thanks to the Christian agenda). Everyone uses the Mormon religion as an example, but they have a very good support and social system set up within their communities. It's not like in societies where there was a "first wife" who was the head of the household, and subsequent wives had to serve her and the wives above them.

Everyone uses the Mormon religion as an example, but they have a very good support and social system set up within their communities.

*cough* Doesn't reach the administrative level:

This caused Church president Joseph F. Smith to issue his "Second Manifesto" against polygamy in 1904. This manifesto clarified that all members of the LDS Church were prohibited from performing or entering into polygamous marriages, no matter what the legal status of such unions was in their respective countries of residence. Since that time, it has been Church policy to excommunicate any member either practicing or openly advocating the practice of polygamy.
Source (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy#Mormonism)

How many people here think Monogamy is a made up standard (in that if it was not pushed at us all the time with terms like cheating, and on TV and in books, that not as many people would cling to monogamy and this "one and only thing")

I think so. It is constanty bombarded at everyone in the media, books, ect.

Yet somthing like 70% of marriages have "cheating" and everyone (almost) thinks about someone other then their partner. So I think that being exclusive to one person alone is not a natural human thing, since so many people do "cheat"
Also, why do many Monogamist find Polyamoury offensive? If its not for you, then dont partake, but FFS leave other people to their own consenting devices (this can go for homosexuality, for kink/leather too, but there are 2 new subjects)

Anyways, does any one agree thats it an artifically pushed standard? Why or Why not?
Almost everything that you can think of that makes humans different from other animals is artifical and created by culture. Even things that people usually call "natural" are in fact cultural. So yes, monogamy is probably cultural too.

I think it's useful tool for social justice. That way, more or less everyone gets the chance to procreate if they want to.

*cough* Doesn't reach the administrative level:


Source (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy#Mormonism)

Actually, I was aware of that - I had to do a paper on Mormonism. But my point was more that I didn't understand the point of demonizing polygamy.

How many people here think Monogamy is a made up standard (in that if it was not pushed at us all the time with terms like cheating, and on TV and in books, that not as many people would cling to monogamy and this "one and only thing")

How does the term "cheating" push monogamy on anyone? If you are in an open relationship, cheating is not possible. It is only cheating if your partner believes you are monogamous when you are not. I certainly hope that you aren't suggesting that it would be a good thing to be polygamous while telling your partners that you are actaully monogamous?

I've recently heard that there are laws, pertaining to marriage, that make it illegal in some U.S. States to marry more then one partner.

Some of this has to do with a view that polygamy is somehow *wrong*. But it also has to do with the fact that marriage laws, in and of themselves, are designed for two people. To go beyond that, a new legal construct would be needed.

So a few basic views:

Do I think the Government has any place telling Adults how many people to marry, or what gender they marry into? No.

A government grants marriage licenses, and can thus determine what regulations will be applied. In the US, the gender issue falls under the 14th amendment, and it is clear that marriage, if offered at all, cannot legally be denied to homosexual couples. However, the construct is still designed for, and therefore constrained to, two people. If polygamy is to be legally recognized, it will need a construct of its own which may be similar, but cannot logically be the same. One could probably start with incorporation laws, and go from there.

Do I think it will continue to be fashionable and average to only have one partner of the opposite gender? Course.

Is that just? Nope.

Of course, it isn't "unjust" either. It is just the way things are. If people choose a course for themselves, then there is nothing unjust about them having chosen it.

How does the term "cheating" push monogamy on anyone? If you are in an open relationship, cheating is not possible. It is only cheating if your partner believes you are monogamous when you are not. I certainly hope that you aren't suggesting that it would be a good thing to be polygamous while telling your partners that you are actaully monogamous?
The same way that any perjorative term for any behaviour reinforces the cultural pressure against that behaviour. "Cheating" is clearly a perjorative term, and even if the person(s) involved are in open relationships their behaviour will still be described by others in the society as cheating. This requires that those that do not wish to be monogamous have to have the emotional strength to disregard this negative labelling.

The same way that any perjorative term for any behaviour reinforces the cultural pressure against that behaviour. "Cheating" is clearly a perjorative term, and even if the person(s) involved are in open relationships their behaviour will still be described by others in the society as cheating. This requires that those that do not wish to be monogamous have to have the emotional strength to disregard this negative labelling.

Exactly what he said.

Much like calling a Indian person a "towel head" is being insulting to their culture, or calling a gay man a "fudge packer" is insulting as is calling a open, poly person a cheater being insulting to their lifestyle, and when people feel insulted and disrespected for their choices, sometimes, the cover them up and put them selves "in the closet" so to speak.

Best argument against polygamy:

Do you really want more than one set of in-laws????

not as many people would cling to monogamy and this "one and only thing")


That's my pet peeve, "one and only". Jeez, there's over 6 billion people now. If you're a one in a million kind of guy, there are now over 6 thousand of you.

I believe in monogamy very strongly and I will only ever have one partner. I don't agree with polygamists because it seems like betrayal to me, as well as just being outright crazy, although there are people with different beliefs then me and as long as their views don't affect mine I don't care how many wives they have.

I don't agree with polygamy for various reasons, and I will only ever have one significant other (with which I will never cheat on) but it's their life so they can do what they wish if it doesn't hurt or affect others.

People start a Polygamist, but in the end should be a monogamist.

Wolves mate for life. (Take that stupid apes.)

Best argument against polygamy:

Do you really want more than one set of in-laws????

When I was in Iraq we had an Iraqi guy who we contracted to do various things like plumbing and electrical work. One payday for him (he got around $5000) we jokingly asked him if he could afford another wife now. He laughed and said "No! No! I have one wife, and she is too much. I don't want more!"

A very wise man.

Indeed.

Those guys with 40 wives are rich as can be and use them as whores really. >.> Its not love.

The same way that any perjorative term for any behaviour reinforces the cultural pressure against that behaviour. "Cheating" is clearly a perjorative term, and even if the person(s) involved are in open relationships their behaviour will still be described by others in the society as cheating. This requires that those that do not wish to be monogamous have to have the emotional strength to disregard this negative labelling.

I have never in my life heard anyone refer to the actions of someone in an open relationship as cheating. I have only heard the term used when the other partner thought that they were in a monogamous relationship. And, I'm sorry, but I do think that lying to and betraying a person is a behavior that should get a perjorative term.

I have never in my life heard anyone refer to the actions of someone in an open relationship as cheating. I have only heard the term used when the other partner thought that they were in a monogamous relationship. And, I'm sorry, but I do think that lying to and betraying a person is a behavior that should get a perjorative term.

I agree that lying and betraying the trust of another person should be stigmatised, as strongly as possible. However I am suprised if you have never heard the term cheating applied to people in open relationships. Nearly always one of the first questions any man that admits to being in an open relationship gets asked by his fellow males is "Don't you mind her cheating on you?"

The problem with polygamy is that the gender with the largest numbers (usually the wife) tends to be oppressed or treated unfairly. This is not to say that this happends in every polygamous marriage, but it's an unfortunate trend.

I agree that lying and betraying the trust of another person should be stigmatised, as strongly as possible. However I am suprised if you have never heard the term cheating applied to people in open relationships. Nearly always one of the first questions any man that admits to being in an open relationship gets asked by his fellow males is "Don't you mind her cheating on you?"

True....but open relationships tend to be pretty strong if both decide they will stop seeing others for each other.

True....but open relationships tend to be pretty strong if both decide they will stop seeing others for each other.

I know that. ;)