NationStates Jolt Archive

I recently read a suicide note from someone I know, and it doesn't make any sense to me. I was hoping one of you could decipher it's true meaning.

Here goes (names have been removed for security purposes)

To live is temporary,
And to die eternal.
It is not your fault
That I escaped this life infernal.

I have long thought about
And planned this event
Now it shall take place
Exactly in sequence

I have long suffered quietly,
And in great pain,
But I shall suffer no longer
Once I have lain.

I know you must ponder the last thing
That went through my head.
You needn’t worry about that.
It’s just a piece of lead.

To <girl he had a crush on>,
Who was too good for me,
I have written a letter
For no one else to see.

It has been marked hidden
In the most obvious place.
Where we keep documents,
This is its final resting place.

To <coworker 1>,
In his hour of grief,
Be not sad,
It is very brief.

I told you that I was a great actor,
And I meant it.
Now the play is finished,
And I’m not coming out of the curtain slit.

To my brother,
I really tried.
It really is my fault,
I was unable to this life betide.

To my little niece and nephew
Who will not understand.
Forget about me,
And be nice to your mom and dad.

To <coworker 2>,
I’m sorry I tricked you.
I had been planning this for weeks,
And was forced to use you.

Being a pawn
Generally makes people angry
But rest assured,
You’ve made me very happy.

To everyone else
Who doesn’t understand,
All those compliments you gave me
Made me very sad.

I know that seems
To be utterly backwards,
But in truth
They only drug me downwards.

Everyone considered me
To be so intelligent
I wasn’t allowed to have problems
Even for a moment.

I wish I had more courage
So that I could do what I wish,
But I am such a coward,
I couldn’t even fish.

A little more courage,
And I would have long ago died.
A lot more courage,
And I might still be alive.

I lacked the courage
To bring about change
And lacked the wisdom
To gain any range.

Now I sign off,
Of this everlasting stage.
Where I was forced to act
Like the genius, inventor, and knave.

I often wanted to talk
But couldn’t find the words.
Besides all that,
The only ones listening would be the birds.

Do not hate <coworker 2>,
He was merely a stooge.
It turns out in regards to guns,
The Fed is a real scrooge.

If I see you again,
(and that’s really big if)
I will explain more clearly
What brought about this.

To everyone else,
Too numerous to name:
I give my appreciation,
Even if your efforts were in vain.

seems too well thought out. The time I attempted suicide my note went like

"bye, I hate you all"

or something similar.

seems too well thought out. The time I attempted suicide my note went like

"bye, I hate you all"

or something similar.

LMAO!

A hopefully not too insensitive question: did they actually commit suicide, or was it something discovered after an attempt?

A hopefully not too insensitive question: did they actually commit suicide, or was it something discovered after an attempt?

That is rather insensitive, but as I have no feelings, it doesn't really bother me. His attempt was thwarted.

It sounds fairly typical, in that they are taking a chance to say goodbye, trying to clear the air, saying it was no one else's fault, and that they're happy they're going.
It's fairly common for suicide notes to appear to have happy moments in them, because often someone suffers so much, the release of life seems like a good thing to them.
This isn't the first time I've heard of someone who was seen as intelligent, and well thought of doing this sort of thing. Oftentimes people have a great deal of pressure on them to live up to an ideal, and feel that they can never be what everyone else thinks of them, and they fear failure.
And the compliments making them sad makes sense... a tendancy of a lot of people is to ignore sadness and depression, rather than talk about it. So people may have said nice things to the person, but it wasn't what they needed to talk about/hear. It wasn't really meaningful to them. Sort of like a coat of paint over disintegrating brickwork.

Woah. If I knew him I'd probably be very pissed off with him, especially if I was co-worker 2. Though I don't know if I'd let him know.

"I have long suffered silently", couple with "I’m sorry I tricked you.
I had been planning this for weeks,". He then goes on to talk about how people tried to help him.

The two lines that did stand out were 'I wasn’t allowed to have problems, Even for a moment'. Maybe someone needs to talk about these problems, and accept that he has them. Maybe ask him what he thinks his problems are, what causes them, and how he would try and solve them. And try not to feed him the answers or even talk much other than trying to indirectly ask the question. But I wouldn't trust me, I am by no means an expert. But my opinion is that 'I wasn’t allowed to have problems' is the most important part of the whole note as to understanding whatever it is that needs to be understood.

I give it a C+.

We really need more haiku and iambic pentameter in suicide notes. Oh, but thats too difficult isn't it? :rolleyes:

I give it a C+.

We really need more haiku and iambic pentameter in suicide notes. Oh, but thats too difficult isn't it? :rolleyes:

Actually, funny you mentioned that. Up until today, I have never seen him display any talent or care for anything remotely artistic. He was always math & sciences. That's part of the oddity.

Actually, funny you mentioned that. Up until today, I have never seen him display any talent or care for anything remotely artistic. He was always math & sciences. That's part of the oddity.

Maybe you should incourage him to develop this new talent? Help him see things in a more positive light and all that.

Or you could just say, "That was pretty good, but I really can't wait for your NEXT suicide note." :eek:

Maybe you should incourage him to develop this new talent? Help him see things in a more positive light and all that.

Or you could just say, "That was pretty good, but I really can't wait for your NEXT suicide note." :eek:

And the other guy was worried about being insensitive. ;)

seriously, I had a job working with suicidal people and never met one that could put out a suicide note so well thought out......how exactly was his attempt thwarted?

it looks to me (NOT A PROFESSIONAL BY DEGREE) that he wants help more than anything.

And the other guy was worried about being insensitive. ;)

I guess I just figure, why worry? Doesn't really help anyone to worry. And I'm all about helping people. :)

seriously, I had a job working with suicidal people and never met one that could put out a suicide note so well thought out......how exactly was his attempt thwarted?

The gun jammed, and he really is a genius - far beyond me intellectually.

The gun jammed, and he really is a genius - far beyond me intellectually.
sorry to be so suspicious, but how do you know? was there someone there with him or did he give up this information?

where is he now? hopefully in the hospital?

LMAO!

Why is this funny?

sorry to be so suspicious, but how do you know? was there someone there with him or did he give up this information?

where is he now? hopefully in the hospital?

We have a witness, and for the moment yes.

We have a witness, and for the moment yes.
I am glad he is getting help.

I am glad he is getting help.

Actually I think he's upset that it didn't work. It's really hard to tell when he's angry, but I think he is.

Actually I think he's upset that it didn't work. It's really hard to tell when he's angry, but I think he is.
it's normal to be angry after a failed suicide attempt, hopefully the hospital staff will be able to help him get through that anger before he leaves, it's also normal to go into a deeper depression after too, but the people taking care of him should know what to do and how best to help him.

I recently read a suicide note from someone I know, and it doesn't make any sense to me. I was hoping one of you could decipher it's true meaning.

*snip*

To me it all seems pretty obvious. There is "goodbye and it was not your fault", "I am sorry for using coworker #2 to assist me in this even though he didn't know that he was", and "I am depressed and no one understands me".

I assume you are not looking for a translation of any of the text, but rather seeking a more overall understanding of why the guy was committing suicide? From this note, it is difficult to say. Other than what he says, that he felt depressed and no one listened to him, that he felt he had to put on an act all the time and hide who he was, he doesn't get terribly specific. He does indicate that there ARE other things he could tell you (in the stanza about 'if I see you again") which seems like a hopeful sign... that he really DOES want to talk about it.

There is a theory that most suicide attempts are cries for help. This note certainly seems to bolster that theory, on two counts. First, he tries to start laying out what the problems are (nobody actually listens to him) and second he does seem to WANT to talk about his problems. Additionally, all the stuff about girlfriend, brother, etc. makes it very much seem that at least subconsciously he hopes to be around after the fact, for as I understand it, people who are serious about suicide have less concern for how they will be viewed after they are gone, and this note seems to really have the subtext of "please love me anyway" in it.

I hope he gets the help he so seems to want. I was glad to hear that his attempt was thwarted, and hope that he can now talk to a professional who can help him sort things out.

Interesting synopsis. I just assumed the 'see you again' line was about his doubt but not complete exclusion of the possibility of an afterlife.

Also, had that gun not unexpectedly jammed, we would be discussing this postumously. He couldn't have planned for that.

I went to see him. He wouldn't speak to me at all - barely acknowledged my existence. However, as soon as a nurse came in he started telling her(us) about laws and case law about how they can't hold him and he has the right to refuse medical treatment, and so on and so forth, citing laws by number and case law by case and date. As soon as she left, he went completely silent again.

I tried to get him to speak, but he just wouldn't talk.

I just can't understand it. I would kill to be half as smart as he is.

Interesting synopsis. I just assumed the 'see you again' line was about his doubt but not complete exclusion of the possibility of an afterlife.

Also, had that gun not unexpectedly jammed, we would be discussing this postumously. He couldn't have planned for that.
What type of gun was he using by chance. If it was an American gun, it probably wouldnt have jammed unless he was doing something wrong. Did he clean it, was it on safety?

sorry if seems insensitive but suicide hits a very raw nerve with me and is the only thing that gets me semi-emotional. So after reading that note I have to use a twisted sense of humour as protection, sorry.

What type of gun was he using by chance. If it was an American gun, it probably wouldnt have jammed unless he was doing something wrong. Did he clean it, was it on safety?

sorry if seems insensitive but suicide hits a very raw nerve with me and is the only thing that gets me semi-emotional. So after reading that note I have to use a twisted sense of humour as protection, sorry.

I don't rightly know. I don't know much about guns, and my hunch is that he doesn't either. All I know is what I'm told - that the bullet jammed in the chamber.

I just can't understand it. I would kill to be half as smart as he is.Maybe that's part of the problem, that he knows he is envied but can't figure out why...and that having things that people envy him for isn't making him happy, this might mean that he will never be happy (in his mind).

Perhaps he needs somewhere to channel this anger that he seems to holding in at the moment. I'm sure keeping it in can't be good.

My suicide note was better, it was scribbled on the back of a notebook and said, simply:
"Only poseurs write suicide notes"

So he had a gun and it jammed, he's lucky it jammed, hope he gets help.

BTW don't mean to be rude or anything, do you might happen to know if he bought that gun recently or he bought it long time ago?

Actually, funny you mentioned that. Up until today, I have never seen him display any talent or care for anything remotely artistic. He was always math & sciences. That's part of the oddity.

People are always capable of being more poetic when talking about themselves.

Perhaps he needs somewhere to channel this anger that he seems to holding in at the moment. I'm sure keeping it in can't be good.

No one ever knows what he's thinking. We never even suspected that he might feel bad about himself... nobody did. He always seemed relatively happy about his lot in life... expressed goals that he wanted to strive for and all that jazz.

Even now, he doesn't show anger, rage, sadness... he manufactures whatever emotion neccessary to give his speeches maximum impact. He was born to be a politician - I swear.

BTW don't mean to be rude or anything, do you might happen to know if he bought that gun recently or he bought it long time ago?

Neither - it wasn't his gun.

Meh ... sounds like someone needs a waaaambulance. Life is hard, buy a helmet.

I don't know much about suicide or the notes that often accompany it. I have fought near crippling depression for 2 decades - massive amounts of chocolate keep me from being catatonic. However, I have never once dreamed of even thinking about offing myself.

Never understood why anyone would. *shrug* But my compassion has limits.

Well it's no "Excuse all the blood."