NationStates Jolt Archive

http://atheism.about.com/od/thebible/a/communism.htm
What do you guys think? Was Christianity intended to be communal? Or would Jesus have bought stocks in big oil? Would Jesus have supported communism or capitalism? Feel free to quote scripture.

Based on the descriptions I've heard, he seems more socialist, ready to roll up his sleeves and help his fellow, downtrodden man.

Jesus invented Communisim. This is a well kown fact.
After his battle around the Sun, against the Solar System, he won, only becuase he spread out all his attacks envly, and, he figured if socialisim could beat the solar system, it could beat poverty.

Well clearly Jesus was a capitalist. Because if you don't have the rich you don't have the poor. And if you don't have the poor, who's on the recieving end of those charities?

Christianity is clearly a tool used to perpetuate the class divisions of a capitalist economy. *nods sagely*

Jesus would steal the eggs. Quick paint them purple, gold, blue and hide them!

Jesus would steal the eggs. Quick paint them purple, gold, blue and hide them!
Thats Thanksgiving, dumbnuts

Jesus liked a soldier’s faith and the military discipline: When a centurion asked Jesus to heal one of his servants via messengers and Jesus said he would come…

Luke 7 6-10
He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: "Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it."
When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel." Then the men who had been sent returned to the house and found the servant well.

Jesus like free enterprising individuals: The Parable of the Ten Minas

Luke 19 11-27
11While they were listening to this, he went on to tell them a parable, because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once. 12He said: "A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. 13So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas.[a]'Put this money to work,' he said, 'until I come back.'

14"But his subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, 'We don't want this man to be our king.'

15"He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the money, in order to find out what they had gained with it.

16"The first one came and said, 'Sir, your mina has earned ten more.'
17" 'Well done, my good servant!' his master replied. 'Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.'

18"The second came and said, 'Sir, your mina has earned five more.'
19"His master answered, 'You take charge of five cities.'

20"Then another servant came and said, 'Sir, here is your mina; I have kept it laid away in a piece of cloth. 21I was afraid of you, because you are a hard man. You take out what you did not put in and reap what you did not sow.'

22"His master replied, 'I will judge you by your own words, you wicked servant! You knew, did you, that I am a hard man, taking out what I did not put in, and reaping what I did not sow? 23Why then didn't you put my money on deposit, so that when I came back, I could have collected it with interest?'

24"Then he said to those standing by, 'Take his mina away from him and give it to the one who has ten minas.'

25" 'Sir,' they said, 'he already has ten!'

26"He replied, 'I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. 27But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them—bring them here and kill them in front of me."

Perhaps Jesus liked militant capitalist...

I believe that the correct translation of the coin in that story is not minas, but talent, which is where we get the same word from. The point, then, is not that Jesus was a big venture capitalist, but that it is better to use your God-given gifts, or talents, and come to ruination than never to hide your gifts away from the world where they can never be put to use.

Which translation are you referring to? The KJV and NRSV both call the money "pounds" and the NIV and NASB both call the money Minas.


*edit, for clarity though, I'm not 'against' that interpretation, I rather like it, but the story seems specifically about money after all.

It's a simple enough premise:

Jesus would have converted to Islam.

It's a simple enough premise:

Jesus would have converted to Islam.

Nah, Islam would have been too much like the Torah and Pharisees 'hard doctrine' if it had existed then.

Jesus would steal the eggs. Quick paint them purple, gold, blue and hide them!

That should be added to the Bible.
Evolution all the way $%#&ers

I believe the more important question is what would Chuck Norris do. Jesus, although highly influential, is hanging up there with God, and there isn't but so much he can do seeing as there's billions of people.
Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is right there and ready with a roundhouse kick.

Well, I'm not particularly Christian myself, but as far as the bible goes,

Matthew 5

1 And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. 2 Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
3 “ Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Or: The Lord's Prayer

Give us this day our daily bread.

I believe the more important question is what would Chuck Norris do. Jesus, although highly influential, is hanging up there with God, and there isn't but so much he can do seeing as there's billions of people.
Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is right there and ready with a roundhouse kick.
C'mon, now Jesus could... uhhh... he could... hang there. And make a make of the floor beneath 'im.

For a klondike bar?

C'mon, now Jesus could... uhhh... he could... hang there. And make a make of the floor beneath 'im.
Jesus cures people. That's his thing. He does it well.
Chuck Norris kills people. That's his thing. He does it so well people are probably ready to convert to Norrisism, the religion where the roundhouse kick is part of prayer.

Jesus cures people. That's his thing. He does it well.
Chuck Norris kills people. That's his thing. He does it so well people are probably ready to convert to Norrisism, the religion where the roundhouse kick is part of prayer.
Well, there is one last trick Hayzoose prefers keeping up his sleeves:

His uncanny mutant ability to multiply fish.

Jesus would get nailed to a tree, bitch/whine about how unfair the world is and how the Romans just don't understand him, and then he'd listen to The Cure and refuse to cut his hair.
Fucking Jesus.

More precisely, What Wouldn't Jesus Do?

Which translation are you referring to? The KJV and NRSV both call the money "pounds" and the NIV and NASB both call the money Minas.


*edit, for clarity though, I'm not 'against' that interpretation, I rather like it, but the story seems specifically about money after all.

Odd. I'd have to check, but I am very sure that my NIV Bible refers to the money as "talents".

Jesus was a utopian socialist, like a lot of religious leaders have been.

He would not get along well with a lot of present-day Communists, because among other things he would insist that Heaven is more important than Earth, and that wouldn't go very well.

Jesus cures people. That's his thing. He does it well.

No. Jesus h4x.

http://loljesus.com/submissions/jesuslol_hax.jpg

What Would Jesus Do?

Jesus would do anything ... ANYTHING ... he'd even eat a bug to prove that his prices on new Ford cars, trucks, and vans are the lowest (LOWEST!) anywhere in the tri-county area!

I think he'd invite us all down to the pub for a beer.

Would Jesus have supported communism or capitalism?
I do believe I said this before, that Acts is the Acts of the Apostles and has nothing to do with Jesus directly. Then the link you have quotes Exodus, which also has nothing to do with Jesus directly. So, this question is all rather moot as, yes, the early Christain communities were communal because they thought the world was going to end in thier life time. Remember the whole "Jesus Returns!" shibang that will supposedly end the world? That one.

Based on the descriptions I've heard, he seems more socialist, ready to roll up his sleeves and help his fellow, downtrodden man.

really..i think he would have chopped off all the heads of the unbelievers,then once that was accomplished,forced women to wear a burka or at the least mutilated their genitals ....so he could know they did not have sex(since their vagina was sewn shut) and other pleasant things...but i may be mistaken...it is only happennning before our collective eyes...but i may be wrong...so please forgive...oh thats right...never mind ...behead me in the name of allah.


oh..and while i am at it..since they have fatwahs...for writing books...ask salmon....and for being a women ..period...sexual frustration rears it's ugly head yet again....
can i please be excused..since i cut class that religion day?


wow...how cant you see these fucks are crazy...with a capitol "c"



rant offf.. actually have alot of friends that adhere to the ....religion of peace...but they dont go lopping heads off willy nilly.

i actually feel bad for them...good people that are tagged as bad cause of their affiliation...booo

Jesus would do anything ... ANYTHING ... he'd even eat a bug to prove that his prices on new Ford cars, trucks, and vans are the lowest (LOWEST!) anywhere in the tri-county area!
You just won at the Internet, congratulations. In reward, you gain the eternal loathing of my roommate who I just woke up laughing.

http://atheism.about.com/od/thebible/a/communism.htm
What do you guys think? Was Christianity intended to be communal? Or would Jesus have bought stocks in big oil? Would Jesus have supported communism or capitalism? Feel free to quote scripture.


jesus would have fuckin cried....and then begged to be nailed to a cross.

he would have realised...their is no fuckin hope for us greedy pieces of shit..and would be better off dead..as would i

jesus would have fuckin cried....and then begged to be nailed to a cross.
Like I said, Jesus was just a whingey little emo bitch. Fortunately for the Romans, they knew what to do when they encountered someone of his type, and regretfully for us, environmentalists would start bitching if we went about nailing people to trees.

What is it that Luther said about the scriptural basis for communal behaviors and the like? Oh yeah, I remember! It was totally voluntary!

What Would Jesus Do?

...smoke two joints...duh. :p

What is it that Luther said about the scriptural basis for communal behaviors and the like? Oh yeah, I remember! It was totally voluntary!Yeah, Christianity seems to have that attitude torwards quite a bit of what Jesus actually taught...

What Would Jesus Do?

...smoke two joints...duh. :p
. . . Two? Are you suggesting that the King of Kings wouldn't be able to withstand a third joint? Do you really mean to imply that the Son of God Made Flesh is a fucking lightweight? I should hope not, sir; for your sake, I should dearly hope that is not what you mean to say.

In fact, Jesus would probably say "Repent for your sins and believe in me, for I am the Son of God, and I will purify you of your sins." Christianity is a spiritual, not a tangible religion. I hope this makes sense.

Yeah, Christianity seems to have that attitude torwards quite a bit of what Jesus actually taught...
That's because Jesus taught religious dogma, and when secular authority is used to enforce divine writ you start running up against some funny theological issues (the obvious one being that a convert made by force is no true convert). Or would a repeat of the Spanish Inquisition be well and dandy, provided it was guided by "the right sort"?

What is it that Luther said about the scriptural basis for communal behaviors and the like? Oh yeah, I remember! It was totally voluntary!

Precisely - utopian socialism. The rich choose voluntarily to share their wealth with the poor, thus causing the abolition of private property, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Not all that much like most present-day radical leftists, but akin to the ideology of people like Gandhi and all the others who look to spiritual change as the catalyst for (and essential aspect of) social reform.

. . . Two? Are you suggesting that the King of Kings wouldn't be able to withstand a third joint? Do you really mean to imply that the Son of God Made Flesh is a fucking lightweight? I should hope not, sir; for your sake, I should dearly hope that is not what you mean to say.

I am suggesting just such a thing, for we all know that Jesus has won the international joint-rolling competition for about three decades running now.

Just one of his joints is enough to incapacitate a full-grown hippo...I can't imagine why he would need to smoke more than two. ;)

That's because Jesus taught religious dogma, and when secular authority is used to enforce divine writ you start running up against some funny theological issues (the obvious one being that a convert made by force is no true convert). Or would a repeat of the Spanish Inquisition be well and dandy, provided it was guided by "the right sort"?No, Jesus taught peace, love of your fellow man, charity and spirituality. They selected what they wanted from that and turned it into dogma.

The rest they deemed incidental and voluntary because it conflicted with their goals.

http://atheism.about.com/od/thebible/a/communism.htm
What do you guys think? Was Christianity intended to be communal? Or would Jesus have bought stocks in big oil? Would Jesus have supported communism or capitalism? Feel free to quote scripture.

"That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now."

"That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now."

Elvis was the second coming but he got depressed because no one gave a shit and so he died on the toilet while popping pills. You think Judas betrayed Jesus? Naw, Judas was his manager. Unfortunately this detail got lost and so Elvis got confused and fucked it up and now we are all doomed to burn in Hell.