NationStates Jolt Archive

I just found out that when my Dad moved house recently, he dumped a bunch of stuff, including all the movies of my parents wedding, me as a baby, getting christened, all my birthday parties and learning to ride a bike etc etc...I am gutted. I just sat and cried about it, and I know its only stuff, but much of it was when I was too young to remember and it was all I had. I feel real bad too, because my Mum died and I know that she thought that stuff was important. I really wish that he had asked me if I wanted any of it first. Do you think I am silly to be sad about this? Is there things that you would not want to loose? Are memories that important to you? Is it a male/female thing?

I just found out that when my Dad moved house recently, he dumped a bunch of stuff, including all the movies of my parents wedding, me as a baby, getting christened, all my birthday parties and learning to ride a bike etc etc...I am gutted. I just sat and cried about it, and I know its only stuff, but much of it was when I was too young to remember and it was all I had. I feel real bad too, because my Mum died and I know that she thought that stuff was important. I really wish that he had asked me if I wanted any of it first. Do you think I am silly to be sad about this? Is there things that you would not want to loose? Are memories that important to you? Is it a male/female thing?It's not a male female thing. Something like that would kill me.

Perhaps he felt it was time to move on with his life, and the memories tied up in these things were painfull for him.

I think it was remiss of him not to offer you the items prior to throwing them out.

No I don't think its a male/female thing, I think he was trying to find closure, but went about it the wrong way.

That's terrible! I'd feel really devastated if that ever happened. I still have all my stuff in the attic at home - it's my childhood, the most important and best time I've had (so far) and I'd go nuts if that stuff were to be gone. Gives me an anchor in this crazy world, so I can totally feel with you.

http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/taetschel.gif

http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/taetschel.gif

Maybe he was trying to find closure of some sort, but I feel that he has thrown away a part of my life and I am at a loss to understand why he didn't think it important enough to ask me if I wanted it. If you could see the stuff that he DID keep it might be clearer. I suppose I just feel that a part of my life that I thought was important meant less to him than it does to me.

That said, I am still upset at the moment, so I may not be being totally fair in my argument. It's not like by throwing away the record that the thing it recorded didn't happen....its just that I feel so badly about it.

I really can understand what your going through, in a similar vain, my ex wife and I seperated in 2000, she took all the pictures, video's etc of our 17 years together and the kids childhood, left me with nothing.

Pictures, video's etc are a link to memories you had partially forgotten, they can be used as an aid to cheer you up when down, a reminder of the good times.

Your father has I believe made a mistake, have you tried to contact him to see what is left or asked why he did it?

I really can understand what your going through, in a similar vain, my ex wife and I seperated in 2000, she took all the pictures, video's etc of our 17 years together and the kids childhood, left me with nothing.

Pictures, video's etc are a link to memories you had partially forgotten, they can be used as an aid to cheer you up when down, a reminder of the good times.

Your father has I believe made a mistake, have you tried to contact him to see what is left or asked why he did it?

I spoke with him this morning, he only lives 10 minutes away from me, I only found out when I rang him today. When I asked why, he said that they were just junk and that he didn't think anyone would be interested in them.

BTW I am recently divorced after 18 years together and my ex doesnt even bother to see or talk to his three children, I offered him pictures etc but he is not interested. I just thought it was me being overly emotional.

I just found out that when my Dad moved house recently, he dumped a bunch of stuff, including all the movies of my parents wedding, me as a baby, getting christened, all my birthday parties and learning to ride a bike etc etc...I am gutted. I just sat and cried about it, and I know its only stuff, but much of it was when I was too young to remember and it was all I had. I feel real bad too, because my Mum died and I know that she thought that stuff was important. I really wish that he had asked me if I wanted any of it first. Do you think I am silly to be sad about this? Is there things that you would not want to loose? Are memories that important to you? Is it a male/female thing?
it is sad....

He should've asked you if you wanted them.

To play devil's advocate tho. he may be trying to block the pain of his wife's passing. Such reminders may be too painful for him and getting rid of them will prevent them from rising up when he is not expecting it to.

no, it's not a male/female thing, and you are not silly to be sad about it.

Sounds to me as if he has just de cluttered, and not really thought things through. when people are in pain, they tend not to think to clearly how their actions can affect others close to them.

I dont think for one minute your being over emotional, everyone likes to have a link to their past, and the pictures etc were yours, a link to who you were and who you have become.

My ex left for another bloke, she left me the kids but took all the pics etc, even now 6 years on, I cant get them, offered to pay for copying etc, but still no joy. Hope she will come round eventually, but I dont hold much hope.

Are there any other relatives nearby that might have copies of Pics films etc that you might be able to get copies from?

My sister was a great help for getting some pics of my family that she had taken over the years.

I think it's perfectly normal to be sad about something like that.

Hope you feel better soon

I just found out that when my Dad moved house recently, he dumped a bunch of stuff, including all the movies of my parents wedding, me as a baby, getting christened, all my birthday parties and learning to ride a bike etc etc...I am gutted. I just sat and cried about it, and I know its only stuff, but much of it was when I was too young to remember and it was all I had. I feel real bad too, because my Mum died and I know that she thought that stuff was important. I really wish that he had asked me if I wanted any of it first. Do you think I am silly to be sad about this? Is there things that you would not want to loose? Are memories that important to you? Is it a male/female thing?
that really would make me pretty damn upset too :(
there's little as precious as memories. you can never get them back once they're gone - photos and videos like that are irreplaceable, and that really wasn't right to just get rid of those things without asking you first :-S
i guess some people just lack a sense of sentimentality... some people have it too much (like how i can't stand to even delete a text message from my phone half the time...:p). i don't think its a "male/female" thing (what was your reasoning there btw? :confused: )

I just found out that when my Dad moved house recently, he dumped a bunch of stuff, including all the movies of my parents wedding, me as a baby, getting christened, all my birthday parties and learning to ride a bike etc etc...

that sounds a bit heartless - don't blame you at all for feeling bad. don't think its a male/female thing. more of an unfeeling arsehole/normal reasonable person thing. maybe he was just in a bad mood or something but it does seem a bit of a wank thing to do.

My Dad is a bit of a funny bloke, I was always really close to him as a child, it was him that bathed me and washed my hair, took me to school etc etc, really unusual in those days too (mid 70's) We were closer than me and my Mum, then after she died in January 2003, we went about together, went out for meals and went shopping etc etc. But more recently he changed, and last year got involved in something that I won't go into on here, but it caused me so much pain that I thought (for a very brief time) of suicide. We have since been in contact as normal and as is the way in my family, we are all pretending that last summer didn't happen and acting 'as normal' He moved in November, and I helped pack up a bunch of his stuff, helped him move and sort out his new house etc etc. I did not really think about stuff like the films and things like that because I thought that he had got them, in fact when I asked him about them once before, he told me he didn't know where they were, but that he had them. Last week my cousin came down to stay and brought a video of her wedding, when I was a bridesmaid, it reminded me of the stuff that Dad had and I asked him for it, he said it was in the garage, then when I asked him for it this morning again, he said he had dumped it. I just said 'oh, why?' and he said because it was a load of junk, I got off the phone and broke my heart. I probably will never mention it to him again, because that is how things are in my family. But I would never do that to my children. I just feel like to him, I don't matter enough to even be asked.

It made me feel so bad, and yet it is only stuff at the end of the day. I suppose I feel worse because I don't understand why? and also there is a box in his garage of photographs, all of the family pictures etc. I have asked him three times now if I can have them as they are getting damp in the garage, but he wont let me take them, I have no explanation and it feels horrible.

I think the reason that I asked about the male/female thing is down to my ex, because of how he was, if I got upset about stuff like this, he would say it was because I am a woman, and too emotional about crap.

It made me feel so bad, and yet it is only stuff at the end of the day. I suppose I feel worse because I don't understand why? and also there is a box in his garage of photographs, all of the family pictures etc. I have asked him three times now if I can have them as they are getting damp in the garage, but he wont let me take them, I have no explanation and it feels horrible.

I think the reason that I asked about the male/female thing is down to my ex, because of how he was, if I got upset about stuff like this, he would say it was because I am a woman, and too emotional about crap.

It honestly sounds to me like your dad is going through something of a mid-life crisis. i've had a few family members go through this and their behaviour tends to be selfish and thoughtless and is absolutely no reflection on their feelings towards you or a reflection of you as a person generally.

and i'll stand by my opinion of the male/femal thing. if you look at some of my previous posts you may get an idea of my position on this although i don't think i'm very articulate on it. basically to summarise, there is no male/female thing just some people are more emotional/'rational'/subjective/objective/etc. than others. one state is not better than the other, its just a different way of approaching life.

don't loose heart over this, its probably a temporary beaviour pattern on the part of your dad and he'll come round soon enough. meanwhile why not try and obtain some family momentoes without him knowing while you still can, from his garage or from another source. that way when he comes to you can be with him reminiscing and you won't have your memories obliterated either.

hope this works out okay. its not fun i know :) :) :fluffle:

:fluffle: Thank you to everyone. I was feeling pretty bad yesterday and peoples kind thoughts made me feel much better and put it into perspective. I still have no explanation as to why my Dad is behaving the way he is, but then I have no explanation as to why most people behave the way they do...so I can see no point in losing any more sleep over something that I can not change anyway.

I'd have to agree with the person who said your dad might be going through a mid-life crisis.

In any case, it is not a male/female thing. I'm a male, and I'd be pissed and heartbroken if something like that happened to me. I might refuse to speak to the offending parent.

Your dad dumping all those films and pictures without asking you was wrong. I kinda go by the rule that if it's a photo of certain people, the picture belongs as much to the people in it as who took it. He really should have asked you if you wanted them before throwing them away.

Edit: this is a really cute smiley- http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/taetschel.gif

I just found out that when my Dad moved house recently, he dumped a bunch of stuff, including all the movies of my parents wedding, me as a baby, getting christened, all my birthday parties and learning to ride a bike etc etc...I am gutted. I just sat and cried about it, and I know its only stuff, but much of it was when I was too young to remember and it was all I had. I feel real bad too, because my Mum died and I know that she thought that stuff was important. I really wish that he had asked me if I wanted any of it first. Do you think I am silly to be sad about this? Is there things that you would not want to loose? Are memories that important to you? Is it a male/female thing?
He stuffed up badly.
Is he....
1)Dim
2)An Arsehole
3)Inconsiderate
4)Self absorbed?

I don't know....I have thought all of them through yesterday, but I don't really know. I know that as much as it hurts me, I can't get the stuff back and that being sad about it wont help, it will just make me sad. I was laying in bed last night, with memories of snips of films running through my head, seeing films of me in sports day as a little kid, me with my Mum when I was a baby, on holiday. Christmas etc.. I CAN remember some of it, but I can never show my childen...or any grandchildren. It sucks doesn't it? :(

I don't know....I have thought all of them through yesterday, but I don't really know. I know that as much as it hurts me, I can't get the stuff back and that being sad about it wont help, it will just make me sad. I was laying in bed last night, with memories of snips of films running through my head, seeing films of me in sports day as a little kid, me with my Mum when I was a baby, on holiday. Christmas etc.. I CAN remember some of it, but I can never show my childen...or any grandchildren. It sucks doesn't it? :(
Did you mention this to your father? that you want some/need some of these things to pass down to your children/grandchildren?

That's terrible! I'd feel really devastated if that ever happened. I still have all my stuff in the attic at home - it's my childhood, the most important and best time I've had (so far) and I'd go nuts if that stuff were to be gone. Gives me an anchor in this crazy world, so I can totally feel with you.

http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/taetschel.gif
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