NationStates Jolt Archive

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

What do you do?

Discuss.

*goes to brew some tea*

Tell em to buzz off.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

get an abortion.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

get an abortion.

hehehe ... what if the kid is, say, 12?

Umm, jump up and down out of joy, set up reasonable visitation rights and an alimony plan to support the child. And, you know, love it and help raise it. :)

Prepare to pay child support for the next 6 years and live frugally.

I'd have the mom and kid thrown in a Turkish prison.

*laughs at what having money can get you*

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Skip town, post-haste.

Umm, jump up and down out of joy, set up reasonable visitation rights and an alimony plan to support the child. And, you know, love it and help raise it. :)
He/she is not an it!

*smacks you on the nose*

Bad parent! Bad!

hehehe ... what if the kid is, say, 12?

raise him/her to be the next supreme dictator of the world.

He/she is not an it!

*smacks you on the nose*

Bad parent! Bad!
Definitely skip town.

raise him/her to be the next supreme dictator of the world.
*thinks.. *

Lion King.

Umm, jump up and down out of joy, set up reasonable visitation rights and an alimony plan to support the child. And, you know, love it and help raise it. :)

Awesome answer!

Incidently, I ask this question because it's something I've just found out.

I don't have 4 kids .... I have 5. :eek:

I just found out about a kid I never knew existed. Damn me and my hypersexual ways!

He/she is not an it!

*smacks you on the nose*

Bad parent! Bad!

Its gender has not been specified, so I use the neutral 3rd person. It is an it, this hypothetical child.

Its gender has not been specified, so I use the neutral 3rd person. It is an it, this hypothetical child.
You always say that. :rolleyes:

hehehe ... what if the kid is, say, 12?

I'd wonder how the hell I got a woman pregnant at three.

Kill it. It benefits you greatly, you don't have to spend all the extra money a kid needs, and you probably shouldn't fel much more guilt than that of killing a total stranger.

hehehe ... what if the kid is, say, 12?


Actually, she's only 5. :(

Awesome answer!

It's the only acceptable one. Then again, I've always wanted a child and getting one is definitely not going to happen as "accidentally" as this, but I guess I can play with the thought.

Incidently, I ask this question because it's something I've just found out.

I don't have 4 kids .... I have 5. :eek:

I just found out about a kid I never knew existed. Damn me and my hypersexual ways!

Oh! How old? How come contact now? Do they want contact? Does the child know? Why didn't you?

Discuss the issue with the mother, and the child if he or she is old enough, and try to come up with an arrangement amenable to all parties. I would definitely want to meet the child, and play a role in the child's life, but long-term dedicated care for a child is not something I'm interested in doing - unless it's necessary, for whatever reason, in which case I would fulfill my obligation.

You always say that. :rolleyes:

I do call genderless things "it" in English.

I do call genderless things "it" in English.
mhm.

:fluffle:

Better be a friggan virgin birth, because there's no way that could happen to me. :D

Pretty much the same as Fass, actually. Go about making the necessary arrangements to help support the child, etc. I'd feel kinda bad if they were already like 12, though, because that would mean that I wasn't there at all for most of their childhood. :(

I would want to meet the kid. Is the child in the actual situation a daughter or a son, just out of curiosity?

Gotta agree with the reasonable support depending on the circumstance that seems to be the standard response here.

Of course that would be after totally freaking out. :)

This thread scared me though, specifically the "what if the child is 12" comment. I suddenly thought that could be true from my promiscuous teenage days. *shudder*

Better be a friggan virgin birth, because there's no way that could happen to me. :D
The new Jesus?

:eek:

Oh! How old? How come contact now? Do they want contact? Does the child know? Why didn't you?

She's 14. I didn't know because I moved shortly thereafter (the sex was a goodbye sex kinda thing) and moved around quite a bit during those few years afterwards in my poor musician trying to make it days and the mother was never able to keep up with me nor I her (I always try to stay in touch with my exes).

It was through a mutual acquaintence that I found out.

Astonishing! She's a beautiful kid who looks a lot like me - got my blue eyes and thick hair - but has the darker skin and other features from her Chicano mother.

Life is crazy, eh?

I would bring it to school and have my own MiniMe to bite people and stuff. If Paris Hilton can make pets fashion accessories, then I can make a kid a fashion accessory.

about the only thing i can do is hope this kid doesn't track me down with the intention of killing me or beating me to a bloody pulp.

you see the last time i could have caused a pregnancy, if even i could have then, which is uncertain, was long enough ago, that this kid would be a grown and mature adult by now him or her self.

maybe unfair to the question, but that is the fact of my own mundane reality.

all i could really do is appologise for never having been arround or even known of their existence, and hope against hope that they, should he, she or they, happen, as is unlikely, to exist, that they can accept this.

i would of course feel affection toward them in any case, whatever, if anything that might happen to be worth to them. and to their mother, who could only be one of two people, both of whome i loved deeply and cinserely at the time and still do, though i am married, for better or worse monogamously, to the first and only one i ever expect or intend to be.

yes there were two with who'me it is possible i may have caused to have children, but to the best of my knowledge this did not happen, and for verious reasons at the time i did not then, and do not believe now, it is likely to have.

=^^=
.../\...

She's 14. I didn't know because I moved shortly thereafter (the sex was a goodbye sex kinda thing) and moved around quite a bit during those few years afterwards in my poor musician trying to make it days and the mother was never able to keep up with me nor I her (I always try to stay in touch with my exes).

It was through a mutual acquaintence that I found out.

Astonishing! She's a beautiful kid who looks a lot like me - got my blue eyes and thick hair - but has the darker skin and other features from her Chicano mother.

Life is crazy, eh?

All jokings aside, I would talk to her mother and see if I can spend some time with her. She is your daughter after all, and even though it's going to be awkward at first, eventually it's going to be worth it. Besides, you sound very attached to her already, so go and make up for the lost time!

*disclaimer: I blame hollywood for the above.

Besides, you sound very attached to her already, so go and make up for the lost time!


Oh I'm instantly in love. I love all of my children.

Good will come of this, I know.

Although I know there are some around here who will say, "Keruvalia has bred not once, but 5 times?!?!" :D

(I'm lookin' at you, Eutrusca)

If the child was anything like my ex.. *shudder*.. I would prefer nothing to do with it.

If the child was anything like my ex.. *shudder*.. I would prefer nothing to do with it.


Not a good thing to say ...

Which is worse, the fuck-hole or the idiot who chooses to date the fuck-hole?

Not a good thing to say ...

Which is worse, the fuck-hole or the idiot who chooses to date the fuck-hole?
The asshat who ignores the idiot's advice and dates the fuck-hole?

I'd have the mom and kid thrown in a Turkish prison.

*laughs at what having money can get you*

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


i hope you realize Turks don't feed thier prisoners, so you would be sending two people to thier deaths, because you didn't wrap it. IDIOT

The asshat who ignores the idiot's advice and dates the fuck-hole?

Well someone needs to ignore the idiot!

i hope you realize Turks don't feed thier prisoners, so you would be sending two people to thier deaths, because you didn't wrap it. IDIOT
I'm sure they can figure out how to kill one of the dogs or goats that are wandering around.


They could also try picking at a fresh corpse. *nods*

Not a good thing to say ...

Which is worse, the fuck-hole or the idiot who chooses to date the fuck-hole?
She was fine for the first few months. Then she got fruckin' crazy. So in this case definatly the fuck-hole.

i hope you realize Turks don't feed thier prisoners, so you would be sending two people to thier deaths, because you didn't wrap it. IDIOT
I know what goes on there.. don't you think sending them to prison is a sign that I'm an ass? I blame the condom I would have bee using.

I know what goes on there.. don't you think sending them to prison is a sign that I'm an ass? I blame the condom I would have bee using.

Errr ... I don't use condoms. Never have, never will. :p

Damn there goes my plan of waiting to have a child for 10 more years and paying a certain famous male musician a few grand for their little swimmers so I could be artificially inseminated! :( lol

ooooo...someone said corpses :p

Errr ... I don't use condoms. Never have, never will. :p

Bareback is hot, but oh, so VD craptastic.

ooooo...someone said corpses :p
That would be me.[/extremely naisal voice]

She's 14. I didn't know because I moved shortly thereafter (the sex was a goodbye sex kinda thing) and moved around quite a bit during those few years afterwards in my poor musician trying to make it days and the mother was never able to keep up with me nor I her (I always try to stay in touch with my exes).

It was through a mutual acquaintence that I found out.

Astonishing! She's a beautiful kid who looks a lot like me - got my blue eyes and thick hair - but has the darker skin and other features from her Chicano mother.

Life is crazy, eh?

I'm jealous as all hell.

Errr... being a woman, I start off by seriously wondering how the heck it is that I have a kid that I don't know about.

Bareback is hot, but oh, so VD craptastic.

I just can't do it. I can't slap a raincoat on Eduardo. If I wanted to fuck latex, I'd do a blow-up doll.

Yes, I know, there but for the grace go I, but I've been disease free.

lol exactly...my woman parts should be sore first of all... :mad:

I just can't do it. I can't slap a raincoat on Eduardo.

I was going to lol, but then the awesomeness of the name struck me.

If I wanted to fuck latex, I'd do a blow-up doll. Yes, I know, there but for the grace go I, but I've been disease free.

Or so you think. ;) Alas, we can't all afford to be so careless, unfortunately.

Errr... being a woman, I start off by seriously wondering how the heck it is that I have a kid that I don't know about.

Then it's reversed on you.

You have a kid, you know who the father is ... what do you do? Hide it? Hope for the best?

My issue here is that this kid is 1/2 me. No matter how much of a schmuck you get pregnant by, that kid is 1/2 schmuck, right? So what do you do?

Do you spend 20 years of this kid's life telling them that they're 1/2 schmuck, or do you find the father an let them find out for themselves?

Crazy times.

Is hiring a hit-man an option?

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

What do you do?

Discuss.

*goes to brew some tea*

I'd be happy, but wouldn't try to make contact unless the mother wanted me too. All possible ladies are married now. Almost all are also Japanese, and there's a significant stigma attatched to bi-ethinicity. Think 1960s US...

If I had a child, I would ask the father if he were interested in participating in the raising of said child. If he were, great, we would work out what his involvement would be. If not, I would raise the child alone and not bad mouth the father, but tell the child the truth, in stages, as the child was able to accept it. For the most part, if anyone asked about the parentage, I would say "This is MY child" and leave it at that.

The stigma that used to come with single parenting is not at all what it used to be. Some women choose to be single parents on purpose, and even go to the lengths of getting anonymous donor sperm from a sperm bank. As a woman, if I did have a child without the father around, it would be a little tougher financially, perhaps, but certainly not tragic, nor destructive to my reputation.

I would probably mentally break down him/her so that i can remold them into fierce fighting machines!

and then i'd enlist them in the Marines or something, because I love America!

Go America!

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

What do you do?

Discuss.

*goes to brew some tea*

I would rush off, vomit, have a very cold shower, then possibly vomit again, followed by "I HAD SEX WITH A WOMEN! I FEEL SO DIRTY AND DISGUSTING!"

I would the have to do the deed; actually visit the person and ask how she wishes to arrange it; whether she wants her child to know that his/her father is a big flaming queer, and whether I should play a roll in the upbringing.

I'd abort it. No matter what the age. I'm sure a jury will back me up if I abort a 4 year old kid.

I'd abort it. No matter what the age. I'm sure a jury will back me up if I abort a 4 year old kid.

Then crucify the body and and eat it afterwards...as of course, we all do when we engage in satanic abortion rituals. Mmmmh, finger lickin' good.

Demand a post-natal abortion (;) ), refuse to pay child support, and enjoy bachelorhood.

I don't know, I guess I'd be both thrilled and scared. And naturally, in awe of my masculinity, considering that I conceived a child without ever having sex.

I'd support the mother and the kid. Admittedly they wouldn't be getting much from me, as I'm unemployed and living on a student loan, but I'd do my best.

I'd want to be as involved as possible in the child's upbringing. Hopefully the mother would let that happen, or we could at least come to a sensible compromise. If she said she wanted me to have nothing to do with my kid, I would go to court in an attempt to get at least some of my rights as the child's father recognised.

Freak the fuck out.

hehehe ... what if the kid is, say, 12?

Get a late term abortion.

I don't know, I guess I'd be both thrilled and scared. And naturally, in awe of my masculinity, considering that I conceived a child without ever having sex.

yeah, same here ;)

if anyone gets the chance to watch Matchstick Men, i recommend it. The main character finds out about his daughter he didn't know existed...

I'd eat a sandwich.

I'd eat a sandwich.

And the award for most awesome reply to this thread goes to......;)

Be really fucking confused.

I'd explain more, but...

I'd alert the media, two people of the same sex conceiving a child would surely be headline worthy. ;)

My step-dad found out he had a twenty year old daughter a few months before he died. Nobody made an effort to contact her.

I'd tell you what my response to finding out I had a kid and no one told me would be , but I think 9 months of pregnancy might clue me in.:rolleyes:

If I suddenly told this hypothetical child's hypothetical father, after years of "'No, I don't have your kid' *hides baby*," it'd probably be because I've run out of means to support said child.

My parents are divorced. My mother constantly bad mouths my dad for not helping more. And it is hard finacially, especially considering they're both professors at universities. And my dad COULD help more with money. He's also a musician and lives with his parents. FOR FREE. HOW is $700 a month balanced with his income?!

CHILD SUPPORT/VISITATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd be a good father and raise the kid as best I could, and probably marry the mother.

Get a late term abortion.
Tis only the 51st trimester.

Well, after being shocked when the baby popped out of me with no warning, as if I had noticed the pregnancy I would have aborted, I would put the kid up for adoption.

Errr ... I don't use condoms. Never have, never will. :p
Why not?

Why not?

Because hes a hippie. Hippies dont believe in safe sex, acceptable hygiene, or gravity. Thats why they're always so high.;)

Why not?

I find them silly.

Because hes a hippie. Hippies dont beleive in safe sex, acceptable hygiene, or gravity. Thats why their always so high.;)

HEY!


I bathe every Spring. :p

HEY!


I bathe every Spring. :p

You take spring cleaning literally then, huh?

You take spring cleaning literally then, huh?

If my ass isn't clean, my house isn't clean.

I keep accumulating children I didn't initialize myself.

Let's see. I've had one from each of my previous two wives, the good old fashioned way.

My current wife came with another - so then I had three.

Now her sister has become a major drug rehab resident, so we adopted her two children.

That's five.

What's one more? At least I'm stepping up to the plate and doing more for these children than social services would ever do.

I find them silly.
Despite their contraceptive benefits?

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

I sit down and think hard about the seemingly physical impossibility of an ex of mine bearing my child.

When I figure out how it happened, I copyright the process allowing men to bear babies and make tons of money selling it to anti-abortion white male conservative groups, allowing them to save all those poor little lives. I use the money to live a grand live, pay child support to my ex and regularly make deposits in my kid's college fund.

Despite their contraceptive benefits?

Meh ... for my own personal life, I feel if you can't handle the outcome, don't do the deed. Others may do as they wish. I make it abundantly clear to my partner from the outset. I don't do latex. If they feel otherwise, we simply don't do it. *shrug*

Personally, I really hate children(and most other people, really). Always have. Even when I was a child myself ;)

I'd do whatever the law forced me to do, only to avoid legal reprecussions. Though, I can't say I'd do it "with pleasure."

Honesty, for honesty's sake.

Errr ... I don't use condoms. Never have, never will. :p
So, because of your personal distaste for "fucking latex", you partners have to bear all the responsibility for not getting sick and pregnant? sounds pretty unfair and very selfish to me.

HEY!


I bathe every Spring. :p
whether you need it or not?

I would probably react like fass, except I might be a little bitter as to why it took 12 years to find out. Also, I would set up a meeting or phone call or something if the child, not if the mother, wanted it.

by the way, congrats Keru!:)

So, because of your personal distaste for "fucking latex", you partners have to bear all the responsibility for not getting sick and pregnant? sounds pretty unfair and very selfish to me.
birth control goes both ways. I'm sure Keru is careful about having diseases (considering he's married...) If his wife doesn't want to get pregnant, there ARE things a woman can do.

birth control goes both ways. I'm sure Keru is careful about having diseases (considering he's married...) If his wife doesn't want to get pregnant, there ARE things a woman can do.
well, I was thinking of the era his newly discovered child came from - before the carefully maintained constant microbe pool of (purported) monogamy.

And anyway, he says that he won't do it if he isn't ready to take the consequences. Does that mean that if ever Keruvalia decides that he no longer wants children, or couldn't support them (for example, years down the road) he would forgo sex?

I'd blame shaggy, and everyone would believe it. "It wasn't me!"

If I'm a guy, support whatever the girl wants to do. If I'm a lady, get an abortion.

Meh ... for my own personal life, I feel if you can't handle the outcome, don't do the deed. Others may do as they wish. I make it abundantly clear to my partner from the outset. I don't do latex. If they feel otherwise, we simply don't do it. *shrug*
Is this influenced by the Catholic Church?

I would wonder what it looks like.

Human. Or maybe more like Myrth.

First: Wonder how I could possibly have fathered a child when my sperm have never come into contact with an ovum.
Second: Support the child, and the mother.
Third: Set up a religious cult, using the events in the first action to declare myself a deity. Use money gained for the events described in the second action.

Is this influenced by the Catholic Church?

Of course not.

Does that mean that if ever Keruvalia decides that he no longer wants children, or couldn't support them (for example, years down the road) he would forgo sex?

Yup.

Yup.

There are vasectomies. And gay sex. :)

I'm sure Keru is careful about having diseases (considering he's married...)

Very. Tested every 3 months, without fail, since the day I lost my virginity to the 5th year of my marriage. I don't see much the need for testing anymore. We'd know by now. I do get an annual check-up, though, which includes STD screening.

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

What do you do?

Discuss.

*goes to brew some tea*

I give the kid a jockstrap and a waterballoon to see what he does with them. Just to be sure he's mine. :)

There are vasectomies. And gay sex. :)

What about butt babies? :D Gay sex is, of course, always an option.

I've contemplated getting fixed. Did some study on the matter and decided against it. *shrug* My willie, my choice.

There are vasectomies. And gay sex. :)
God bless gay sex.

What about butt babies? :D

I require more explanation.

Gay sex is, of course, always an option.

String me along, and I'll follow.

I've contemplated getting fixed. Did some study on the matter and decided against it. *shrug* My willie, my choice.

It just sounds like so much to give up on because of condoms and pregnancies.

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

What do you do?

Discuss.

*goes to brew some tea*

If it is a girl, she goes to the sex slave industry.

If a boy, same thing I suppose.

I give the kid a jockstrap and a waterballoon to see what he does with them. Just to be sure he's mine. :)
I see two options...a) sling shot or b) wear the jockstrap with the waterballoon in the pouch. proceed to flirt and see how long I could go without either popping the balloon or bursting out laughing

If it is a girl, she goes to the sex slave industry.

If a boy, same thing I suppose.
Shouldn't you at least wait until they're 16-18 before selling them to complete strangers as sex toys?

You wouldn't happen to have a nice asian son of about 18-20 years old for sale, now would you?

What about butt babies?
They would be a bitch to take care of..

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

What do you do?

Discuss.

*goes to brew some tea*

LOL Creepy. I just had this discussion with my fiancee last night. :) She asked me what I would do if I had any illegitimate children out there, and I said, "Are you trying to tell me something? Did we have a kid ages ago before we broke up, you got rid of it, and now we're back together and you're not telling me about our child?" :p She was quite amused with it all.
So, now I'm not sure if I should be expecting someone to show up at my door in 20 years, asking me why I didn't love them enough to keep them...
At which point I will give my wife a glare of death. ;)

I require more explanation.

Perhaps he's referring to an extremely rare disorder in which the vagina is nonexistant, and the uterus is instead connected to the anus. I doubt it, however, because I don't think too many people are aware of it.

She's 14. I didn't know because I moved shortly thereafter (the sex was a goodbye sex kinda thing) and moved around quite a bit during those few years afterwards in my poor musician trying to make it days and the mother was never able to keep up with me nor I her (I always try to stay in touch with my exes).

It was through a mutual acquaintence that I found out.

Astonishing! She's a beautiful kid who looks a lot like me - got my blue eyes and thick hair - but has the darker skin and other features from her Chicano mother.

Life is crazy, eh?

Wow, for no particular reason at all, I always thought you were a gal... Ah, the wonders of the great anonymous internet...

But anyway, about the question of the thread; I suppose I would go with the usual steps. Get to know the kid, do my best to be a good parent. Look into the possibility of resuming old passions with the Mom, if there are no external reasons not to do so (ie. one of us being in a relationship); and get set up with the proper child support payments if needed.

But if the kid is twelve, I would have been a ten-year-old father. Heck, if things were going that quickly, I could suddenly discover that I was a grandparent.

All that said, I plan on knowing the whereabouts of all my progeny.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

get an abortion.

I concur.

Break out into a cold sweat and feel a chill to the depths of my soul. Then suck it up and deal with the wrath of an unjust universe, right after I finish feeling sorry for myself for losing my freedom...I mean I would rejoice in this unlooked for miracle of life...

Of course, there’s the point where you hope that you had this accident with the least aggravating ex-girlfriend you ever hand, the one that doesn’t make you want to play in traffic during rush hour.

That's right. You now have a kid.

You've just found out that some ex somewhere bore your child and you have just found out or you have borne a child and you know there's only one possible father.

What do you do?


I marvel at my ability to get a woman pregnant without actually having met her. Then I dedicate three NS General threads, fourteen separate spam emails and a website to my awesomeness