NationStates Jolt Archive

This has two parts. One; who do you worship more Bauer or J.H. Christ? two; who would win in a fight. Jesus has the whole being the "saviour" thing and can probably self-heal, but Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer, need I say more. poll coming

I have no clue who Jack Bauer is. Also, this is impossible because Jesus Christ does not exist (no offense to any people who believe he does exist. That is my personal opinion.)

I have no clue who Jack Bauer is.

I have no idea who Jesus is, so I guess we're both on the same boat.

Indeed.

They are both fictional characters.

First, I worship no one. Second, shoot Jack Bauer in the head. Then put Jesus in a cage and throw peanuts at him.

Then put Jesus in a cage and throw peanuts at him.

Peanuts are too nice. Brazil nuts are more up the masochist alley.

Chuck Norris would come under 'Other', yes?

Peanuts are too nice. Brazil nuts are more up the masochist alley.

Better yet, coconuts. Then put him in a padded cell and be amused as he attempts to extract the milk.

Chuck Norris would come under 'Other', yes?
yes, but Chuck Norris would lose to both Jack and Jesus on account of him being old and having his beard get in the way of his roundhouse kicks.

Azathoth rules them all.

Better yet, coconuts. Then put him in a padded cell and be amused as he attempts to extract the milk.

Can't he turn his blood into milk instead?

you know what i think .... jesus should throw you all in a cage and throw coconuts at you!! then you'd believe in him i bet!

you know what i think .... jesus should throw you all in a cage and throw coconuts at you!! then you'd believe in him i bet!

Oh, please. We'd just attach him to another tree, again. Wood is his cryptonite, you know.

Oh, please. We'd just attach him to another tree, again. Wood is his cryptonite, you know.
and nails

Oh boy... who's better, some dead guy (Jesus) everybody misquotes or some guy (Kiefer Sutherland) who used to beat up my friends growing up?

I'll take the dead guy. Besides, television gives you brain cancer, everybody knows that.

and nails

That's a common misconception. The reason his superpowers faded, making him vulnerable to nails, was the wood.

Can't he turn his blood into milk instead?

Put a muzzle on him. He still has to break the skin.

yeah, but Jesus can just say "Screw you guys, I'm going home" and poof, we dont see him till Armagedon. Jack Baur would probably refuse to fight him.
And finally, as to whether or not Jesus of Nazereth existed, thats irrefutable. the only thing up for debate was whether he was, indeed, the son of Yaweh. dont like it, stuff it.:cool:

Put a muzzle on him. He still has to break the skin.

You'd think the source of stigmata would have it himself.

You'd think the source of stigmata would have it himself.
plus he could dry-rot the muzle instantly.

And finally, as to whether or not Jesus of Nazereth existed, thats irrefutable.

Actually, you'd be pretty amazed at how refutable it is, seeing as how flimsy the "evidence" for his existence is.

You'd think the source of stigmata would have it himself.

Kind of difficult licking up liquids wearing this (http://www.fordogtrainer.com/pics/muzzles/m5/leather-dog-muzzle-m5-3d-on-dog-1.jpg).

Kind of difficult licking up liquids wearing this (http://www.fordogtrainer.com/pics/muzzles/m5/leather-dog-muzzle-m5-3d-on-dog-1.jpg).

I am sure a skilled demi-God could figure out a way to administer a lactic suppository.

Oh boy... who's better, some dead guy (Jesus) everybody misquotes or some guy (Kiefer Sutherland) who used to beat up my friends growing up?

I'll take the dead guy. Besides, television gives you brain cancer, everybody knows that.
Kiefer beat up your friends? that would make you Canadian wouldnt it

Kiefer beat up your friends? that would make you Canadian wouldnt it

And what is wrong with that?

That's a common misconception. The reason his superpowers faded, making him vulnerable to nails, was the wood.
I had no idea, you learn something everyday.

I worship Jesus Bauer, although he wouldn't win in a fight because there's nobody man enough to take him on

Actually, you'd be pretty amazed at how refutable it is, seeing as how flimsy the "evidence" for his existence is.
When four religions, every historian since Josephus and Roman Execution records can agree on 1 thing, i'm satisfied.

I am sure a skilled demi-God could figure out a way to administer a lactic suppository.

Oh well, it matters not. Tossing coconuts is satisfaction enough.

Oh well, it matters not. Tossing coconuts is satisfaction enough.
what if he dodges?

I had no idea, you learn something everyday.

The Internets - a vast receptacle of knowledge for us all to bale.

what if he dodges?

See how often you can dodge in a 4'x6' cell.

When four religions, every historian since Josephus and Roman Execution records can agree on 1 thing, i'm satisfied.

Actually, they do not agree - neither the religions, or the historians. And Josephus? Does not mention Jesus. Testimonium Flavianum is a fraud, and had been questioned since the 17th century.

First of all, I don't worship Jesus but God. I try to follow Jesus' teachings, though.
Secondly, Jack Bauer couldn't do anything against Jesus. Beat him up, he heals himself, kill him, he comes back.
Thirdly, good you brought up Nuck Chorris... for me to poop on! http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y223/GermanNightmare/poop.jpg

he could turn into a puff of smoke, then it would just pass through.
Give up, you can't beat Jesus or his Nerd disciples!

Secondly, Jack Bauer couldn't do anything against Jesus. Beat him up, he heals himself, kill him, he comes back.

But not really. He ends up going away anyway, something which Jack doesn't do. He stays and fights, not like that quitter Jesus.

And what is wrong with that?
Nothing, my point was is that he knew Kiefer Sutherland, who happens to be Canadian, as is his hot daughter on 24, Elisha Cuthbert.

Nothing, my point was is that he knew Kiefer Sutherland.

Good. I was inclined to ask that due to your... questionable history.

ok, fass, you go pick a fight with satan. but before you go, what'd you want on you grave?

Good. I was inclined to ask that due to your... questionable history.
questionable history? how do you mean?

This has two parts. One; who do you worship more Bauer or J.H. Christ? two; who would win in a fight. Jesus has the whole being the "saviour" thing and can probably self-heal, but Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer, need I say more. poll coming
Who the frack is "Jack Bauer?"

ok, fass, you go pick a fight with satan. but before you go, what'd you want on you grave?
satan's not real

Who the frack is "Jack Bauer?"
To find out you need to watch 24 on fox, mondays at 9. That will answer your question. heads up, he's the biggest badass in the world

ok, fass, you go pick a fight with satan.

MSN Messenger says he's off-line.

but before you go, what'd you want on you grave?

I'm not going to have a grave. They're not very environmentally friendly.

the idea of a Luciferian figure is a core concept of your average human phsyce. Uniquely, while some religions with a benevolent God do not have a 'lucifer', all religions with a 'lucifer' have a benevolent God.

the idea of a Luciferian figure is a core concept of your average human phsyce. Uniquely, while some religions with a benevolent God do not have a 'lucifer', all religions with a 'lucifer' have a benevolent God.

And every fairytale has its bogey man/animal/monster/whatever.

questionable history? how do you mean?

He means your "ban public schools" topic.

And no, satan does not exist.

To find out you need to watch 24 on fox, mondays at 9. That will answer your question. heads up, he's the biggest badass in the world
I've seen it. Which character is named "Jack Bauer?"

... satan does not exist.
Thank God. :D

Thank God. :D

I';m going to have to agree!

I've seen it. Which character is named "Jack Bauer?"
The main dude.
You've impressed me, Eut. You've managed to watch 24 and not know who Jack Bauer is. Which series/episodes have you seen?

I've seen it. Which character is named "Jack Bauer?"
the main guy. He's the one that kills the most people and is shown the most. If you go to fox's website Im sure they can point him out

I've seen it. Which character is named "Jack Bauer?"
Kiefer Sutherland. The one who always gets into trouble and makes the baddies regret it.

And every fairytale has its bogey man/animal/monster/whatever.
that could be interpereted as man's subconcious retelling of of the combat between heaven and hell.

that could be interpereted as man's subconcious retelling of of the combat between heaven and hell.

Or just that people make the darnedest things up, and need simplistic, dehumanising constructs to avoid facing their own nature, by having "evil" bogey men they can blame for things, and scare their brood with.

the idea of a Luciferian figure is a core concept of your average human phsyce. Uniquely, while some religions with a benevolent God do not have a 'lucifer', all religions with a 'lucifer' have a benevolent God.
Ah, dualism. Zoroastrianism, Islam, and Christianity are the only dualistic religions around. And most of Christianity is no longer dualistic, having discarded the notion of Satan as the archenemy of YHWH. Well, they should, since Sammael is YHWH's pal in Judaism.

I've only seen one episode of 24, but Jack Bauer managed to blow up a terrorist using only his cell phone. He is now my hero forever.

I've seen it. Which character is named "Jack Bauer?"
Why, Jack Bauer of course :p

But what I really wanted to say was, in regard to the OP:
WTF? :confused:

Well, I have a hard time seeing them get into a fight, but alright, I'll play.

Jack Bauer would shoot Jesus, and with Jesus' dieing words, he would forgive Jack Bauer. Three Days later, Jesus would come back to life, and Jack Bauer will be too busy disarming a bomb that would dispurse heroin throughout all of Los Angeles to notice.

UNA I love you and worship you more, you would win.

But I am Eutruscian so Eut always wins.

The winner of this fight doesn't concern me... Either of them could beat up that wimp Chuck Norris.

I';m going to have to agree!
Thanks. I know that cost you. ;)

The main dude.
You've impressed me, Eut. You've managed to watch 24 and not know who Jack Bauer is. Which series/episodes have you seen?
Only two episodes, just recently. I tend more toward the SciFi and Science channels. :)

Or just that people make the darnedest things up, and need simplistic, dehumanising constructs to avoid facing their own nature, by having "evil" bogey men they can blame for things, and scare their brood with.
Do you deny there is evil in the world?

This has two parts. One; who do you worship more Bauer or J.H. Christ? two; who would win in a fight. Jesus has the whole being the "saviour" thing and can probably self-heal, but Jack Bauer is Jack Bauer, need I say more. poll coming

Jack always gets beat up on the show so I say JC.

Who's more alive? Jack Bauer or JC? Both ficticious, but theres pictures of JB, evidence of his existence. Besides JC couldn't use a gun, his hair's too long...

Do you deny there is evil in the world?

I do not believe in "evil," no.

Jack Bauer.

you can't play as Jesus in video games

Jack always gets beat up on the show so I say JC.

yeah, but jesus dies. Jack faked his death

:-P

sorry if this question's already been answered, but who the hell is jack bauer?

Well let's see. Jesus died and came back to life, right?

Jack Bauer's done it twice. 'Nuff said.

To everyone not familiar with the concept of ultimate bad-ass, The Bauer. Shame on you!

Jack Bauer is the main character of the TV-show and the recent video game "24".

He used to be in the special forces, toppling dictators and madmen. Nowadays he occasionally works for the Counter-Terrorism Unit of Los Angeles, almost single-handedly solving every major threat thrown in their way, such as nuclear and biological weapons, attempted assassination of a presidential candidate, and so on. In the process he usually kills a couple of dozen terrorists, and by the end of the fourth season, I think his body count is getting close to a hundred, in the show alone.

Jack Bauer will do anything to get the job done, including the murder and torture of suspected terrorists, direct violation orders given by the president of the United States, and so on. He doesn't get along with his superiors, but his methods are tolerated because he always, without exception, turns out to have been right all along.

Jack Bauer.

you can't play as Jesus in video games
Really?
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8869881/

I seem to remember a story in the one of the apocryphal where Jesus gets into a fight with two roman legionaries and wins. I'll see if I can find it.

I have no idea who Jesus is, so I guess we're both on the same boat.


Oh come now.

I've heard you had a "personal relationship" with Jesus.

Wink-wink.

Oh come now.

I've heard you had a "personal relationship" with Jesus.

Wink-wink.

That was Jésus.

That was Jésus.


Oh the mexican guy...

I get em confused.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Chuck Norris, Jesus Christ, and Nina Myers, with only two bullets in his gun, he'd shooot Nina Myers twice and then strangle the other two.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Chuck Norris, Jesus Christ, and Nina Myers, with only two bullets in his gun, he'd shooot Nina Myers twice and then strangle the other two.

Who the hell is Nina Myers?

I hate you.

Who the hell is Nina Myers?
If I'm right it's a character from the first (and second, I think) series. She's a bad-ass bitch.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Chuck Norris, Jesus Christ, and Nina Myers, with only two bullets in his gun, He'd shoot Nina Myers twice and then strangle the other two.
Edited for spelling since we refer to Chuck with 'He' and 'His' instead of 'he' and 'his'.:D