NationStates Jolt Archive

What would you do if you became god. (Just pretend he exists)

If you watched "Bruce Almighty" you'll know what I would do... :D

I don't know, maybe make the vast majority of humans sterile.

I don't know, maybe make the vast majority of humans sterile.

Why would you wanna do that?

Besides making lot's of brownies, I'm not sure. Although I wouldn't be surprised if all adolescent males suddenly found themselves inexplicably attracted to me...

Why would you wanna do that?
To reduce overpopulation and make sure that there are enough resources to go around and to prevent people who are too stupid for their own good from breeding.

Why would you wanna do that?

I think this is one of those "If you have to ask..." occassions.

I would create a race of intelligent dinosaurs living in geothermally heated caves in Antarctica. Just to see what happens.

Just because your parents are stupid doesn't mean you will be.

I'd probably make Britain nice and sunny, I hate our weather so much.

I'd publish a quarterly index of groups and individuals that claim to represent Me, but really don't.

If God existed and I became Him?

Rule the world with an iron fist, but be very fair. Give the people what they want, but don't spoil them. Make humans a better spiecies through better evolution too.

Have fun. Fuck around. Make my presence known in a variety of ways. Start the killing.

Just because your parents are stupid doesn't mean you will be.

I'd probably make Britain nice and sunny, I hate our weather so much.
True, but there is a genetic component to intelligence and stupid parents can't really be counted on to provide an intellectually stimulating upbringing for their kids.

I would probably be hands off, just watch all the stupidity go down (much like I do now, only if I was God it would be funny instead of worrysome)

Likely cure world hunger and pollution after a bit of random revenge and also perfecting British weather =)

Have fun. Fuck around. Make my presence known in a variety of ways. Start the killing.

Aw, that's your answer for everything...

Wirte my name on the moon.....with lightning bolts. And make some demi-gods.

Besides making lot's of brownies, I'm not sure. Although I wouldn't be surprised if all adolescent males suddenly found themselves inexplicably attracted to me...

Apparently already goddess enough to make that work on me...Mmmm....Brownies...

I'd have a hard time explaining to my girlfriend why her breasts are suddenly bigger:D (What a great movie that was)

Likely cure world hunger and pollution after a bit of random revenge and also perfecting British weather =)

Good to see another person who agrees with me.

I'd have a hard time explaining to my girlfriend why her breasts are suddenly bigger:D (What a great movie that was)
ROFLMAO! Yeah that was truly great. :D

Aw, that's your answer for everything...

Yes, you are indeed correct.

But to my way of thinking, kill everyone off, and all those "global" problems begin to disappear.

You must admit, it would be a great cure for world hunger.

For starters everything would be purple.

Otherwise, as in every game I've ever played where I can control the masses, I would make everybody as happy as I possibly could until I got bored and then start finding cruel and unusual means of punishing/killing them. Perhaps death by a giant purple people eater and it would be ok because after having to live with everything being purple for so long they would all want to die anyway.

Destroy the universe, start from scratch.

If I became a god? Easy.

I'd create my own universe, almost the entirety of it being a random creation (like a random map on an RTS or Civilization), with settings for intervals of life forms and anomolies. I would craft my own galaxy to my liking, let it stew for a long while, and take my place as a person living on one of the more interesting planets.

I would create a group of demi-gods, give mankind free will, and make bets with the demi-gods on the outcome of human affairs: who wins this world war, how many millions will be killed by that plague, etc.

Oh yes, and I would prevent the thought of indecent exposure laws from ever entering the minds of humans.

Mess with religious folk.

*God materialises in all his splendour and says: "Woah, hey. Who're all you guys?"*

Let people nail my son to a tree then worship him instead, leaving me free to explore the rest of the universe and not bother with here anymore.

Oh wait ... it's been done ... never mind.

Haha
So many people to senselessly torture, so little time.

I'd impeach Bush and then write a book on Global Warming with solutions that everyone could understand and that made perfectly good sense and when given the least amount of thought it would be decided unanimously that this was the only direction to head towards since the reward for humanity atoning for it's harm to an entire planet was a bucket of God (me) Blessed Hard Candy. I would also take this woman (http://www.united-mutations.com/h/pjharvey.jpg) for my wife. Oh... and I'd get rid of ticks and fleas and mosquitos (you can thank me later).

I would also take this woman (http://www.united-mutations.com/h/pjharvey.jpg) for my wife. Oh... and I'd get rid of ticks and fleas and mosquitos (you can thank me later).
Fuck that shit, I’d have a harem.

Say "BUGGER! THIS PLANET SUX!"
then bring back King Arthur, Pope John Paul II, Ben Franklin, Joan of Arc, Abe Lincoln, Salidin, Richard the Lion Heart(i know, those last two were enemies.)F.D.R. and Winston Churchil, and make them a team of super heroes, to save mankind from itself.

Fuck that shit, I’d have a harem.
I guess I was starting out small...

I'd impeach Bush and then write a book on Global Warming with solutions that everyone could understand and that made perfectly good sense and when given the least amount of thought it would be decided unanimously that this was the only direction to head towards since the reward for humanity atoning for it's harm to an entire planet was a bucket of God (me) Blessed Hard Candy. I would also take this woman (http://www.united-mutations.com/h/pjharvey.jpg) for my wife. Oh... and I'd get rid of ticks and fleas and mosquitos (you can thank me later).

Why not just...stop global warming?

First thing I do is flooed the media with indecent matarial.

People would have to plug thier ears and close there eyes in order to aviod the filth.

And I'd make more planet earths like 12 of them in the same orbit spaced apart equally and orbiting the sun at the same speed.

First thing I do is flawed the dedia with indecent matarial.

People would have to pluck there ears and close there eyes in order to aviod the filth.

What's a Dedia, why are you flawing it, and how do you pluck an ear?

P.S. No, wait, It's the media, and you're flooing it.

My first act as God would be to ensure everybody has enough tacos to survive. Next, I would cause a series of bad things to happen to Pat Robertson so that his only wayout is to star in a gay scene in a major upcoming blockbuster film. After, all the words of every holy sripture would suddenly change to make it match what this god thinks. It is quite probably that some religious extremists would try some sort of consiracy to make people think nothing changed in the Bible/Qur'an/etc so I would make messages on the sky that explain God's new stance on things. Messages would range from "Abortion is cool with me" to "The Christian Heritage Party of Canada deserves a good T-Bagging." North Korea would be taken over by Joe Clark.

Why not just...stop global warming?
I'm such a very stupid God...
That's it.
I fucking quit.

What's a Dedia, why are you flawing it, and how do you pluck an ear?

P.S. No, wait, It's the media, and you're flooing it.

fixed it :)

I'm such a very stupid God...
That's it.
I fucking quit.
You could use yourpowers to make yourself better.

:p we better be very glad the REAL God has a sense of humor, or we'd be cosmic cow pies by now.

You could use yourpowers to make yourself better.
Stop Correcting Me!!!! -God

Make sure Great Britain gets enough rain... oh, wait :D

(That actually is a job I don't want. Power corrupts and I know me. You'd all pay dearly... http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/zorn.gif)

I would make everyone gay, becase face it; men and women just don't understand each other. Women would lay eggs, so we don't have to put up with periods. All asses would be flat for easier wiping. Everyone would have wings, to reduce the need for vehicles. Marvel comics would be always right, because mutant drama is cool. The moon would actually be a recreation of Azeroth from World of Warcraft. Christians and others who misrepresent Me would spontaneously combust. Everyone would have a sort of telepathy making the internet unnecessary, everyones brain would be a terminal and server. Science would figure out FTL travel. The milky way would actually be largely made of dairy products. Farting would be a sacrament, to increase the sanctity and enlightenment of America. Deodorant would grow on trees, for the sake of France. Cooties will be the plague by which I punish the world. House-flies would be made of fudge. Grenades will grow like oranges do, so as to safeguard against tyranny. Atlantis would rise again. Islam would have to pay India everything back they took from them. Mermaids would be real, as would Gargoyles. Yeah I think thats it.

All asses would be flat for easier wiping.

Never!

Everyone would have a sort of telepathy making the internet unnecessary, everyones brain would be a terminal and server.


Nooooo! I can barely get to sleep at night as it is! I can just imagine the telemarketers having a field day with my brain and there'd be that one guy who'd ask me what color panties I'm wearing every ten minutes or so. Or even some inexperienced telepathic popping in and saying, "Oops! Sorry, wrong mind!" at 3am. Cruel. Very cruel.

Theocracy!

revive Gandhi and make the dude President of Earth or something

and make spaceships!!


and lop about 4 stone off myself...

If I became God?

First thing would be to surround myself with capable men and women of integrity bent on making the world a better place. Then I would delegate a fraction of my powers to them and direct their efforts in the right direction.

I would essentially try to solve all of the world's problems, but indirectly, and through mortal agents. Create a paradise out of earth where every human has a chance to fulfill his basic needs and grow as a person on top of it.

Oh, and I'd enforce that buddhist concept of reincarnation. Those who fuck around and try to undermine my efforts will enjoy a nice life as a snail or maggot after this one. Sucks to be you if you have bad Kharma.

:p we better be very glad the REAL God has a sense of humor, or we'd be cosmic cow pies by now.
Heh, I always thought that if God indeed did exist(I'm agnostic), he'd have a good sense of humor. How could he not have exterminated all of us by now if he didn't?

http://abc.typepad.com/3blindmice/smite-thumb.jpg

Just how long would we be God for? And we we actually be God, or just have his powers, such as in the film.