NationStates Jolt Archive

Watching a show last night where a girl was labeled 'slut' because she dared to indicate that she enjoyed sex, I reflected on this perception a bit. Examining my attitudes towards sex, I have realised that I've never felt particularly constrained by social norms in this area. I'm not big on monogamy, despite a number of years of being in such a relationship. Aside from the obvious (pregnancy and disease), I really have few issues with casual sex. What I don't like are braggarts, male or female, or who use their intimate physical knowledge of another person as a sort of weapon against them. Aside from that, I really don't see the big deal when it comes to casual sex. I'm a huge fan of it. There are people I've slept with that I've never seen again, and some that I run into on a regular basis. Neither situation causes me the least discomfort, and I remember every encounter with a certain amount of fondness.

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?

I remember every encounter with a certain amount of fondness.
Oh, c'mon. As Dave Chapelle said in defense of Monica Lewinsky, "I know every woman out there has at least one dick they regret. And I'll bet it the president's neither. I bet he worked at quickie mart or something."

What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?

I believe Jesus says that it's wrong. (Or so I assume. I'm not too up to date with the teachings of Jesus)

I don't have an issue with people who have casual sex unless they start to wonder why I don't wish to.

Does that mean we can have sex? Your husband is always free to join, of course. :D

Well, I would argue that the purpose of sex is to foster and cement social bonds; by contrast, "because it was there" seems a poor excuse for any action. So I would say that purely zipless sex, or sex purely for the sake of having sex, is just not a good habit. Nevertheless, the whole notion of promoting social bonds leaves a great deal of latitude on how you construct such social bonds, and it certainly doesn't limit you to the procreative aspects of sex.

Does that mean we can have sex? Your husband is always free to join, of course. :DYou haven't changed a bit since I first met you...

Oh, c'mon. As Dave Chapelle said in defense of Monica Lewinsky, "I know every woman out there has at least one dick they regret. And I'll bet it the president's neither. I bet he worked at quickie mart or something."
Hmmm, well there were some encounters which were...excuse me...flops, but I still don't necessarily regret them.

You haven't changed a bit since I first met you...

And I never will.

I don't have an issue with people who have casual sex unless they start to wonder why I don't wish to.
I don't get that attitude either...thinking everyone should start having casual sex. Some people just aren't into it. Some people aren't particularly sexual at all. But there is really very little negativity towards people who DON'T have casual sex...or aren't overtly sexual, and a lot of hostility towards people who do, and are.

Does that mean we can have sex? Your husband is always free to join, of course. :D
Hehehee...if I win the lottery, I may indeed found the Sinuhue Love Express:)

I don't get that attitude either...thinking everyone should start having casual sex. Some people just aren't into it. Some people aren't particularly sexual at all. But there is really very little negativity towards people who DON'T have casual sex...or aren't overtly sexual, and a lot of hostility towards people who do, and are.Yes, I do have to agree, far more hostility is towards people who do wish to have casual sex vs. people who don't.

Hmmm, well there were some encounters which were...excuse me...flops, but I still don't necessarily regret them.
Well, there were some girls in college that make me wish you could I could take it back...

Other than that, I'm a big fan of casual sex. :)

Hehehee...if I win the lottery, I may indeed found the Sinuhue Love Express:)

Interesting. You'll be running a train?

Hmmm, well there were some encounters which were...excuse me...flops, but I still don't necessarily regret them.
Yeah, same here.

Of course, I've never taken the "casual" so far as to pick up random guys while in a drunken stupor or something like that. I could definitely see the potential for regret there.

Yes, I do have to agree, far more hostility is towards people who do wish to have casual sex vs. people who don't.
And of course, that hostility is still rather slanted towards women. Which is another bothersome issue. It's much more acceptable to be a promiscuous man than a promiscuous woman.

I suppose casual sex is fine for people who are comfortable with it, in a way, it's a learning experience. But personally, I'm not comfortable with mot men, I've slept with two people in my life, and one I'm married to. Suppose it comes from the fact that I was molested as a kid...

Interesting. You'll be running a train?
Probably just taking flights:) You people all live so far away!

I believe Jesus says that it's wrong. (Or so I assume. I'm not too up to date with the teachings of Jesus)

I dunno, if sex is wrong, why make it feel so damn good?!?

What I don't like are braggarts, male or female, or who use their intimate physical knowledge of another person as a sort of weapon against them. Aside from that, I really don't see the big deal when it comes to casual sex. I'm a huge fan of it. There are people I've slept with that I've never seen again, and some that I run into on a regular basis. Neither situation causes me the least discomfort, and I remember every encounter with a certain amount of fondness.

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?
PREACH it, Momma! :D

Probably just taking flights:) You people all live so far away!

We could all come visit you. Heck, I could come visit you in a week.

Actually, one thing that bugs me about casual sex is that what people think of you and your many casual encounters is based on your gender. If you're a woman, you're a slut, if you're a man, you're hard. It's a little unfair. Personally, because of the huge risk of disease in the day and age, I probably wouldn't sleep with a guy who I knew had had unprotected sex with someone else, or who had had a very large number of sexual encounters

I have no issues with casual sex.

It makes casualties more fun.

Yeah, same here.

Of course, I've never taken the "casual" so far as to pick up random guys while in a drunken stupor or something like that. I could definitely see the potential for regret there.
No, I've never done that either...too risky. But I have picked up acquaintances, or people I never really intended on getting to know well. Still, at least this way I could generally rule out them being a psycho. I tend to be attracted to 'geeky' guys. Loud mouthed 'hot' guys never turned my crank. Their personalities made them ugly. I loved knowing that someone had a crush on me, and then taking them home when they least expected it. Their enjoyment, their real, honest enjoyment made it a thousand times better for me.

I suppose casual sex is fine for people who are comfortable with it, in a way, it's a learning experience. But personally, I'm not comfortable with mot men, I've slept with two people in my life, and one I'm married to. Suppose it comes from the fact that I was molested as a kid...
Then again, it could also be that you would have been sexually reserved anyway. Many people are. I never was...oh, I wasn't particularly comfortable with nudity or sex scenes on tv when others were around, but I never had an issue with sex itself. I wonder why...

We could all come visit you. Heck, I could come visit you in a week.
Kind of like delivery? Interesting! But part of the thrill would be getting out of my house, and seeing new places. Why in a week? Spring break...or did you inherit some money?

I have no issues with casual sex.

It makes casualties more fun.
*sticks tonuge out at you*

Watching a show last night where a girl was labeled 'slut' because she dared to indicate that she enjoyed sex, I reflected on this perception a bit. Examining my attitudes towards sex, I have realised that I've never felt particularly constrained by social norms in this area. I'm not big on monogamy, despite a number of years of being in such a relationship. Aside from the obvious (pregnancy and disease), I really have few issues with casual sex. What I don't like are braggarts, male or female, or who use their intimate physical knowledge of another person as a sort of weapon against them. Aside from that, I really don't see the big deal when it comes to casual sex. I'm a huge fan of it. There are people I've slept with that I've never seen again, and some that I run into on a regular basis. Neither situation causes me the least discomfort, and I remember every encounter with a certain amount of fondness.

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?
BTDT. In the long run, it proved to be a disasterous way of living. If two people truly love each other, and care for one another, then neither one should need any outside tweaking.

For the married ones, at least for those who are religious, casual sex with others is a sin.

Kind of like delivery? Interesting! But part of the thrill would be getting out of my house, and seeing new places. Why in a week? Spring break...or did you inherit some money?

I took out a huge loan to pay off all my assorted student loans. I get a $100,000 check deposited into my checking account tomorrow.

Actually, one thing that bugs me about casual sex is that what people think of you and your many casual encounters is based on your gender. If you're a woman, you're a slut, if you're a man, you're hard.
Yes...why one group would be praised, and the other damned, for doing the exact same thing, I'll never understand. I don't think either praise or damnation are warranted.

Then again, it could also be that you would have been sexually reserved anyway. Many people are. I never was...oh, I wasn't particularly comfortable with nudity or sex scenes on tv when others were around, but I never had an issue with sex itself. I wonder why...

I think watching sexual scenes (even the ones intentionally on show) is peeking into a world you know in your heart that you have no right being in. Some people find it a turn on, some don't. But sex yourself, in a private room is something that takes place in YOUR private world, and you'd probably be uncomfortable with someone watching that act without participating, but being a participant/being with another participant is normal and natural and expected.

I don't know about the 'reserved' bit, I used to freak out when I was a teen whenever anyone touched me in anyway. But then again, you might be right...

I took out a huge loan to pay off all my assorted student loans. I get a $100,000 check deposited into my checking account tomorrow.
And you would irresponsibly spend some of that money slated for debt payments on a sex trip? PRIORITIES, MAN!

My only problem with casual sex is that I don't get nearly enough of it.

But, hey - what two (or more) consenting adults decide to do is there business and none of mine as long as I don't get hurt. And I don't see why it should be anyone else's either. Unless you're jealous, of course.

What's so interesting about sex anyway? Once you've done it over a hundred times (or whatever works for you) it tends to get kinda boring, regardless of who you do it with.

Personally I find it much more difficult to maintain a true bond and relationship with a person, but also much more rewarding.

But hey, whatever floats your boat right? To each their own :)

And you would irresponsibly spend some of that money slated for debt payments on a sex trip? PRIORITIES, MAN!

Well the loan is for $100,000, but the total amount of my debt is around $94,000. I am planning on just paying the remaining $6000 back into the loan, but I'm sure I could be convinced to spend some of it on a plane ticket.

Actually, one thing that bugs me about casual sex is that what people think of you and your many casual encounters is based on your gender.
You're right, but what actually bothers me (not about you, just generally) is how when you say "casual", it's automatically assumed that means "many".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with many, but somehow this misses the whole middle ground between "OMG, I could never sleep with someone I'm not totallycompletelyabsolutely sure I love with all my heart!" and having one-night-stands 7 nights a week.

Personally, all I'm really saying is just that I've had sex with guys whom I knew I wasn't going to start a "real" relationship with.

And honestly, I think that's true for the majority of people out there (provided they're having sex yet).

I think watching sexual scenes (even the ones intentionally on show) is peeking into a world you know in your heart that you have no right being in. Some people find it a turn on, some don't. But sex yourself, in a private room is something that takes place in YOUR private world, and you'd probably be uncomfortable with someone watching that act without participating, but being a participant/being with another participant is normal and natural and expected. Interesting analysis! See, I don't mind sex scenes when I'm by myself, or with someone close to me, but around my family, or around those I'm not very close to, it seems creepy. With those I'm close to, I can talk about sex openly, and have discussions, but sex scenes on tv seem to create a sort of forced intimacy with those people watching with you. Hmmm.

I don't know about the 'reserved' bit, I used to freak out when I was a teen whenever anyone touched me in anyway. But then again, you might be right...
I'm really not a touchy feely person, normally. I have many friends who like to hug a lot and I always feel awkward. BUT with people I'm attracted to, it's a whole different story.

Yes...why one group would be praised, and the other damned, for doing the exact same thing, I'll never understand. I don't think either praise or damnation are warranted.

True, but at the very least, no double standards. If you sleep around, regardless of whether you're a man or woman, people should not judge you differently.

Issues with casual sex.


My issues are unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

My issues are unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Condoms and STD tests.

What's so interesting about sex anyway? Once you've done it over a hundred times (or whatever works for you) it tends to get kinda boring, regardless of who you do it with. It hasn't gotten old for me yet. Part of the thrill for me, back when I was a bit more free than now, was in the seduction. That was always new and exciting.

Personally I find it much more difficult to maintain a true bond and relationship with a person, but also much more rewarding. Absolutely it's harder, and ultimately more rewarding...kind of like cooking a full meal is better than eating a bag of chips. But sometimes you just really, really crave a bag of chips, and it can be AWFULLY satisfying...

My issues are unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.So don't have coitus or engage in risky sexual behavior. Not all sexual behavior is risky.

Well the loan is for $100,000, but the total amount of my debt is around $94,000. I am planning on just paying the remaining $6000 back into the loan, but I'm sure I could be convinced to spend some of it on a plane ticket.
:p

You're right, but what actually bothers me (not about you, just generally) is how when you say "casual", it's automatically assumed that means "many".

I mean, there's nothing wrong with many, but somehow this misses the whole middle ground between "OMG, I could never sleep with someone I'm not totallycompletelyabsolutely sure I love with all my heart!" and having one-night-stands 7 nights a week.

Personally, all I'm really saying is just that I've had sex with guys whom I knew I wasn't going to start a "real" relationship with.

And honestly, I think that's true for the majority of people out there (provided they're having sex yet).

Well, I really meant 'one night stands/short term relationships with no future/fuck buddy rather than 'many' - you could have many casual encounters with one person. But yeah, I know what you mean.

And yeah, there's definitely so many people I know personally who've hopped into bed with someone they really had no interest in, it happens all the time. Just because you sleep with someone doesn't mean that you should marry them. In a way, if you're careful, having a number of sexual partners is a good thing - you gain experience, you learn more about what you like and don't like in bed, you learn your limits and you know what's acceptable and what's not, plus gaining a wealth of knowledge about the opposite sex, so if/when you do end up in a long term, monogamous relationship, sex can, and probably will be better for both of you

My issues are unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Which is why safe sex is best.

True, but at the very least, no double standards. If you sleep around, regardless of whether you're a man or woman, people should not judge you differently.

There is a double standard because women can become pregnant and men cannot.

Women can also contract certain STDs easier then men.

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?
Probably they're just frustrated because they can't get good sex, so they will call you a 'slut' just because you like sex. I pity them.

And yeah, there's definitely so many people I know personally who've hopped into bed with someone they really had no interest in, it happens all the time. Just because you sleep with someone doesn't mean that you should marry them.
There is this sort of expectation that such intimacy should lead to a relationship. I shudder to think of being in a relationship with many of the people I've slept with. They aren't bad people, and we had fun, and some are still my friends...but that doesn't mean I want to get seriously involved with them.

Condoms and STD tests.

Condoms are not 100% effective and STD tests are after the fact.

There is a double standard because women can become pregnant and men cannot.

Women can also contract certain STDs easier then men.
Men can also pass on certain STDs easier than women, because they don't suffer from immediate, or obvious symptoms. And you'd think, in this day of paternity suits, that men would be just as worried about pregnancies...but it doesn't seem to be so.

So don't have coitus or engage in risky sexual behavior. Not all sexual behavior is risky.

Casual sex = risky sexual behavior

great dave chappelle quote, but actually he said i bet he worked a kenny's shoes or safeway, or something like that

DAVE IS THE GREATEST MAN ALIVE, EXCEPT CHARLTON HESTON AND ME

There is a double standard because women can become pregnant and men cannot.

Women can also contract certain STDs easier then men.

Yes, but why call a man hard and a woman a slut, that's hardly fair. If you look down on sleeping around, look down on men too, and if you think men who sleep around a har/jocks/fantastic in bed, think the same way about women who lead a similar life. OK, women can get pregnant, but men can get them pregnant, there's two people involved in that particular biological act.

So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?
They probably don't get any.

Casual sex = risky sexual behaviorDriving = risky traffic behavior

Condoms are not 100% effective and STD tests are after the fact.

The pill and condoms. And STD tests are not after the fact if you get them done before the fact.

There is this sort of expectation that such intimacy should lead to a relationship. I shudder to think of being in a relationship with many of the people I've slept with. They aren't bad people, and we had fun, and some are still my friends...but that doesn't mean I want to get seriously involved with them.


I know all that!!! My first bf, I really can't imagine spending my life with him. Nice guy and all at the time, maybe I was naive and all, him being my first, and some of my crushes and stuff, NO WAY!!! One guy I had a crush on when I was 12, he's now got two kids by two different girls, and about to get married to the second, who's got another kid by another man, so he's going to be responsible for three kids, and he's only the same age as me! Oh, and he wrecked two cars trying to commit suicide after he proposed to a girlfriend at 19 and she freaked out and ran off (she was 17 at the time, WAY to young), so he drove both cars into a harbour and a river and changed his mind and swam to shore. And I old my parents when I was 5 that I was going to marry him because he's the only boy my age I knew at the time!!!

Men... :D

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?
I choose not to go for casual sex, but I don't have a problem with people who do (well, as long as they aren't spreading STDs around).

I hate the double standard between the sexes too. Why is a woman who likes casual sex a slut, but a man who does is a stud? Either say both sexes are bad for liking it, or say that they're both good for it. You can't have it both ways.

The pill and condoms. And STD tests are not after the fact if you get them done before the fact.

My sister got pregnant on the pill.

I knocked up my GF wearing a rubber.


When I imagine casual sex (which is often) I don't picture two freshly tested adults.

I picture a one night stand at a bar or party.

Do you mean casual sex as in a FB type scenario?


Also where does someone with 15,721 posts find time for casual sex? :p

Yes...why one group would be praised, and the other damned, for doing the exact same thing, I'll never understand. I don't think either praise or damnation are warranted.
I think that this comes down to false cultural myths, which I made a thread about two days ago. The idea that women "should be more selective" about sexual partners than men should, which is rubbish.

Casual sex = risky sexual behaviorNo, someone who uses their hands and fingers only will not get STDs no matter how many people they have casual sex with.

The way I see it, sex is like air. It only becomes an issue if you're not getting any.

- "The pill and condoms. And STD tests are not after the fact if you get them done before the fact."

I guess there is always a final rest risk which you can minimise to evansecense but not eliminate (just as no matter how carefully you drive, you might still get caught in an accident). Thus casual sex is a calculated (hopefully low) risk. And don't blame anyone for spreading STDs. everyone who's into casual sex knows the risk they're taking. BYOC (Bring your own condom).

- "I hate the double standard between the sexes too. Why is a woman who likes casual sex a slut, but a man who does is a stud? Either say both sexes are bad for liking it, or say that they're both good for it. You can't have it both ways."

I agree. Reason is this: What is the maximum of children a woman can have? somewhere between 30 and 60 maybe. Maximum amount of children men could have? Flippin' zillions! Thus it is in the evolutionary interest of man to spread his genes as far and wide as possible, whilst it is in the interest of women to be picky.
The last few thousand years have drilled this into man's (and woman's) society that it is now expected. I don't approve but that's why.
Only today girls have the gift of prevention (pill, condoms) and can now be as promiscous as men. But everything that's new always gets condemned by society (surprise there!).

I think that this comes down to false cultural myths, which I made a thread about two days ago. The idea that women "should be more selective" about sexual partners than men should, which is rubbish.
Hey, you still get to be selective...it's just that there are so many tasty men and women out there...I don't really understand why anyone would want to deprive themselves of enjoying a least some of them...

Do you mean casual sex as in a FB type scenario? What is an FB type scenario?

I've never picked someone up at a bar. Except, oddly enough, my husband:). The casual encounters I've had usually included the friends of friends, or the friends themselves.


Also where does someone with 15,721 posts find time for casual sex? :p
Like it takes any more time than non-casual sex?

Hey, you still get to be selective...it's just that there are so many tasty men and women out there...I don't really understand why anyone would want to deprive themselves of enjoying a least some of them...
I'm not endorsing a "do anyone" policy. Just saying that women are unfairly expected to be more selective than men. Which gives rise to the evil generalisation that men are incapable of being selective.

Also where does someone with 15,721 posts find time for casual sex? :p

Same way someone with 18,012 does. I can't be having casual sex at work. So I post.

I'm not endorsing a "do anyone" policy. Just saying that women are unfairly expected to be more selective than men. Which gives rise to the evil generalisation that men are incapable of being selective.

*hands you a cookie*

I'm not endorsing a "do anyone" policy. Just saying that women are unfairly expected to be more selective than men. Which gives rise to the evil generalisation that men are incapable of being selective.
I know, I was just kind of adding to your thoughts:)

Same way someone with 18,012 does. I can't be having casual sex at work. So I post.
I bet you consider it though....we have a sound booth for recording that is nice and insulated...I've considered dragging one particular coworker off into it.

Same way someone with 18,012 does. I can't be having casual sex at work. So I post.
Sounds like you need to get a better job.

*hands you a cookie*
Stop it, I'm getting fat.

I know, I was just kind of adding to your thoughts
Planning permission must be sought to add extensions to my thoughts.

I bet you consider it though....we have a sound booth for recording that is nice and insulated...I've considered dragging one particular coworker off into it.
That might be rape.

Sounds like you need to get a better job. I know you directed that at Sdaeriji, but I also post entirely at work. This is a major reason I applied to Law School...thank goodness they accepted me!

Planning permission must be sought to add extensions to my thoughts. Then I take it back. I was using your thoughts as a springboard into my own musings.


That might be rape.
The dragging would be consensual, I promise. Mmmm.

Same way someone with 18,012 does. I can't be having casual sex at work. So I post.


You're not trying hard enough.

You're not trying hard enough.
That's what I think too. He mentioned in another thread that he sits across from a woman with a fantastic behind...surely there are options...?

Piggy Piggy likes casual sex, it's much better than formal sex :D

Piggy Piggy wishes though that the people Piggy Piggy wants to have casual sex with were interested in Piggy Piggy :(

Talking about yourself in the third person is creepy at best.

Talking about yourself in the third person is creepy at best.

What abouts when youses pluralises everythings?
Wait. What was the topic? Casual sex? Sounds fun. Where?


Wait... there's a formal variant of it? That sounds self defeating and funless. Is that the form of procreation that hardcore buddhists (wait, is this an oxymoron?) indulge in?

Nope, no formal casual sex. It would be self-defeating, and you'd never know what to wear!

Nope, no formal casual sex. It would be self-defeating, and you'd never know what to wear!

I know. Plus I'd feel obliged to offer them a cup of tea and a sandwich half way through. Whilst the latter option might hold some appeal, I've heard that stopping for tea is a moodkiller. That sucks.

My only issue with casual sex is that I don't have it.

I know. Plus I'd feel obliged to offer them a cup of tea and a sandwich half way through. Whilst the latter option might hold some appeal, I've heard that stopping for tea is a moodkiller. That sucks.
And gripping things with your pinkies out can really decrease the force of your grip.

Watching a show last night where a girl was labeled 'slut' because she dared to indicate that she enjoyed sex, I reflected on this perception a bit. Examining my attitudes towards sex, I have realised that I've never felt particularly constrained by social norms in this area. I'm not big on monogamy, despite a number of years of being in such a relationship. Aside from the obvious (pregnancy and disease), I really have few issues with casual sex. What I don't like are braggarts, male or female, or who use their intimate physical knowledge of another person as a sort of weapon against them. Aside from that, I really don't see the big deal when it comes to casual sex. I'm a huge fan of it. There are people I've slept with that I've never seen again, and some that I run into on a regular basis. Neither situation causes me the least discomfort, and I remember every encounter with a certain amount of fondness.

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?

sounds like you're my type of girl.

now if we could only do something about your commnunism...:cool:

My only issue with casual sex is that I don't have it.

I think that's probably most peoples issue with it. Some just like to pretend otherwise. I don't buy it.


Do they? (narhar with the double entendre)

Casual sex is like fast food. You know too much could be bad, but if you go to the right place it's damn good.

Casual sex is like fast food. You know too much could be bad, but if you go to the right place it's damn good.

Is it also fattening?

That's what I think too. He mentioned in another thread that he sits across from a woman with a fantastic behind...surely there are options...?

I could only observe that for so long before I had to act on it.

Piggy Piggy likes casual sex, it's much better than formal sex :D

Piggy Piggy wishes though that the people Piggy Piggy wants to have casual sex with were interested in Piggy Piggy :(
That's ultra-cute.

Is it also fattening?

I don't imagine so. Unless you keep chocolate sauce on your person at all times (and, one day, I will), casual sex sounds a little bit too spontaneous to combine with food. One day, though.

Casual sex isn't my thing. *shrug*

But for those who do enjoy it, I only place one restriction that, if broken, will cause me to have less respect for the person - that of full disclosure. If you are casually having sex with more than one person, each and every one needs to know that. None can think that they are in a monogomous relationship with you. If you regularly have unprotected sex with *anyone*, anyone else you are sleeping with needs to know that. And so forth. It's the only way those you would have sex with can make an informed decision of whether or not to sleep with you.

But, beyond the disclosure and honesty factors, shag away.... =)

sounds like you're my type of girl.

now if we could only do something about your commnunism...:cool:

dont let that deter you. I'm sure the political stance could be banged away in short order.

sounds like you're my type of girl.

now if we could only do something about your commnunism...:cool:
You'd have better luck if you were willing to whisper "SMASH THE STATE" into my ear...

Is it also fattening?

I think its actually probably the opposite...

I could only observe that for so long before I had to act on it.
Is this why you work from home?;)

dont let that deter you. I'm sure the political stance could be banged away in short order.
It's true. I've had fantastic sex with people on the opposite political spectrum. I would never ever date them because of their political views, but shagging is a kind of détente that I wouldn't have wanted to miss!

You'd have better luck if you were willing to whisper "SMASH THE STATE" into my ear...

I"m betting I could whisper the alphabet in your ear- with two days stubble brushing your cheek, you'd be melting by the letter "F"

I"m betting I could whisper the alphabet in your ear- with two days stubble brushing your cheek, you'd be melting by the letter "F"
I'll admit I have a serious weakness when it comes to my neck. Touch me there and I don't care what you're whispering:)

Jesus Christ on a stick, you're doing it to me again!

This is what happens when my husband is away for five weeks in a row...

I'll admit I have a serious weakness when it comes to my neck. Touch me there and I don't care what you're whispering:)

Jesus Christ on a stick, you're doing it to me again!

This is what happens when my husband is away for five weeks in a row...
http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/nono.gif

Is this why you work from home?;)

thats a running joke- when I go into the office, they usually joke my cage has been moved here or there. I'm larger than life there for some reason.
There are a half dozen girls in the office that would get me into trouble.

Did I tell you we opened a new office in NY? One of the partners had me go in to hire people from the area. He has asked me to manage it.
It'll be a big transition for me. And I hired two hotties there-a part time college girl and a single mom.

http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/nono.gif
Don't no no me! Or I'll get all non-violently aggressive (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/sinuhue/bek127.gif) on you!

I'll admit I have a serious weakness when it comes to my neck. Touch me there and I don't care what you're whispering:)

Jesus Christ on a stick, you're doing it to me again!

This is what happens when my husband is away for five weeks in a row...

your neck, your shoulder-the backs of your knees. It wouldnt matter. And it wouldnt be a whisper - more like a soft growl.

any affiliations or ideologies would be forgotten...

Oh shit, save the thread from being de-railed by cybersex!It's true. I've had fantastic sex with people on the opposite political spectrum. I would never ever date them because of their political views, but shagging is a kind of détente that I wouldn't have wanted to miss!
Although I've never gone out with an ultra-right wing girl, I don't see why it would be problematic. Presumably it would not define her entire personality. We could have intelligent debate.

Did I tell you we opened a new office in NY? One of the partners had me go in to hire people from the area. He has asked me to manage it.
It'll be a big transition for me. And I hired two hotties there-a part time college girl and a single mom.
Aha! See that, German Nightmare?? Here is someone who deserves your no no smiley! My husband is at least fine with me playing with others:) You be careful Carn...congrats and all that, but don't eat your coworkers, okay?

Oh shit, save the thread from being de-railed by cybersex! No such thing. Ahem. Right. *adjusts clothing* Carrying on. Carn has that affect on threads.
Although I've never gone out with an ultra-right wing girl, I don't see why it would be problematic. Presumably it would not define her entire personality. We could have intelligent debate.
Actually, I haven't slept with anyone who was very right-wing...usually the people who didn't gel with me politically were apathetic, or mildly right. I'm not entirely sure I could shag someone who was really seriously right-wing.

And I hired two hotties there-a part time college girl and a single mom.
*shudder*

a feminist's nightmare

Aha! See that, German Nightmare?? Here is someone who deserves your no no smiley! My husband is at least fine with me playing with others:) You be careful Carn...congrats and all that, but don't eat your coworkers, okay?

the one was wearing "Sunflowers" perfume though...just the slightest hint of it.

No such thing. Ahem. Right. *adjusts clothing* Carrying on. Carn has that affect on threads.
Don't try and shift the blame! It takes two to e-tango!

I'm not entirely sure I could shag someone who was really seriously right-wing.
Sure you could:

It's true. I've had fantastic sex with people on the opposite political spectrum. I would never ever date them because of their political views, but shagging is a kind of détente that I wouldn't have wanted to miss!

*shudder*

a feminist's nightmare

I hired three guys too though-I mean, someone will have to actually work.




:p

Don't try and shift the blame! It takes two to e-tango! Or three, or four...well, you get the picture....feel free to hop in, then maybe it won't bother you any more:)


Sure you could:
Mmmm...maybe what I mean by far right is someone who is rabidly far-right. A sexual détente with someone who holds truly repugnant beliefs is not something I'd be willing to do. That's assuming I knew their political beliefs of course...sometimes ignorance IS bliss!

I hired three guys too though-I mean, someone will have to actually work.
That is worthy of a knee to the groin.

That is worthy of a knee to the groin.


thats the way I like you-hostile and confident.

didnt I use the little green face to show how sarcastic I was being?

That is worthy of a knee to the groin.
No violence! *holds Sinuhue back*

thats the way I like you-hostile and confident.

didnt I use the little green face to show how sarcastic I was being?
Actually, the little rolling eyes smiley made me think you were saying 'duh'. Not that you were sarcastic in your first remark.

Besides, if I take you wrong, you tend to go on the attack, and that's just how I like you.

Actually, the little rolling eyes smiley made me think you were saying 'duh'. Not that you were sarcastic in your first remark.

Besides, if I take you wrong, you tend to go on the attack, and that's just how I like you.
Break it up the two of you. Don't make me come between you!

Actually, the little rolling eyes smiley made me think you were saying 'duh'. Not that you were sarcastic in your first remark.

Besides, if I take you wrong, you tend to go on the attack, and that's just how I like you.


I used the wrong one. Funny- you'll talk your way out of a ST.Paddy's day donnybrook, but knee me in the balls for a joke.

For the record-in countless attempts, no one has ever successfully connected a kick or knee there. I have great refelxes and I'm also very lucky.

Remind me for if we ever meat...we'll both need to make sure we have proper health coverage in order.

Break it up the two of you. Don't make me come between you!
Well I wouldn't mind...though rather than between, on the other side would be better...*stops before she gets modsmacked*

No violence! *holds Sinuhue back*
My pacifism doesn't seem to extend to my speech:)

Break it up the two of you. Don't make me come between you!

We wont hurt each other...too badly.

Just dont come between us prematurely. These are my favorite jeans.

I used the wrong one. Funny- you'll talk your way out of a ST.Paddy's day donnybrook, but knee me in the balls for a joke.I've never once actually kneed a man in the balls on purpose. (there were a few times fighting with my brothers or cousins where damage was unintentionally done)


Remind me for if we ever meat...we'll both need to make sure we have proper health coverage in order.
I agree. There is something about you that both annoys and draws me. I think a meeting would be something that would require a few days of rest and recuperation afterwards.

And did you intend to spell it 'meat'?

Well I wouldn't mind...though rather than between, on the other side would be better...*stops before she gets modsmacked*


see that, HH? put her on the rotisiree, we're having a Sin-B-Q.

I've never once actually kneed a man in the balls on purpose. (there were a few times fighting with my brothers or cousins where damage was unintentionally done)


I agree. There is something about you that both annoys and draws me. I think a meeting would be something that would require a few days of rest and recuperation afterwards.

And did you intend to spell it 'meat'?

did it ever occur to you that in this medium, annoying you is the only way to get your attention?

And while we're on that subject, YOU,my dear, are freaking annoying too.

Deliciously annoying

And did you intend to spell it 'meat'?


you know me-of course.

Did you think we were gonna sit in a bistro for scones and espresso?

We already broke the ice. Its time to bite each other.

Hey, just a little thought about the whole negative attitude towards casual sex thing...have you ever noticed how the most vocal people against casual sex (much like the most vocal people against smoking, drinking, sky-diving, mural painting, whatever...) tend to be the 'reformed' folks? As in, "Oh, I had lots of casual sex and now I realise it was so bad, and you should realise that too before it's too late"...just because they tried it, and now regret it, does not mean that somehow we're all going to regret it. I've had a LOT of people tell me this...that one day I would regret having casual sex. And yet, I've never had an unwanted pregnancy, I've never had an STD, and I can honestly say that there isn't a single encounter that I've truly regretted. So how would that suddenly change later on in life? Would I start to see it all differently? Think that I was 'demeaning' myself? I doubt that very highly. Past issues with self-esteen aside, I've always had a pretty positive view of sex...and my view has only gotten MORE positive (and pro!) with time.

I believe Jesus says that it's wrong. (Or so I assume. I'm not too up to date with the teachings of Jesus)

Jesus says a lot of crap. The main point of all of it was not that you're a POS for having done it. It's that we're all human and we all have those urges. Just because you may have managed to hold out, or just haven't been caught, it doesn't give you the right to look down your nose, or the business end of a throwing rock, at those who have slipped, or just don't rate that particular sin as a particularly high priority.

Just look at Jerry Falwell. He's absolutly horrified of the prospect of just being overwhelmed by his monstrous libido and ravaging any woman that he might be alone with for a minute and a half (he publicly claims as a point of pride that he's never been alone with a woman who's not his wife). However, he has made no effort to constrain his pride or his glottony. That's why he's such a big fat jackass. Plus, getting up in front of people and talking for an hour once a week. Sounds pretty lazy (or "Slothful") to me.

But is Falwell particularly noble for having never been alone with a woman who isn't his wife? Hell no! He is so completly unable to control himself that he must focus so intently on that one sin that he has allowed himself to succumb to all the others. That's a guy who just doesn't get Jesus.

you know me-of course.

Did you think we were gonna sit in a bistro for scones and espresso?

We already broke the ice. Its time to bite each other.
*has to think about shoveling snow, and cleaning floors just to calm down*
Thank god I get to work out this overstimulation tonight...I don't think I could be content with another night of battery operated fun.

*has to think about shoveling snow, and cleaning floors just to calm down*
Thank god I get to work out this overstimulation tonight...I don't think I could be content with another night of battery operated fun.


Cleaning floors on your hands and knees? You dirty washwoman-presenting like that-in the perfect position

They have Scotchguarded you office chair,right?

Ok-I'm outta here. Time to go get a loaf of Italian bread to go with ziti.
I can cook too.

Ok-I'm outta here. Time to go get a loaf of Italian bread to go with ziti.
I can cook too.
Hush you...go feed your wife!

I believe Jesus says that it's wrong. (Or so I assume. I'm not too up to date with the teachings of Jesus)
where?

where?
He's being facetious anyway.

Watching a show last night where a girl was labeled 'slut' because she dared to indicate that she enjoyed sex, I reflected on this perception a bit. Examining my attitudes towards sex, I have realised that I've never felt particularly constrained by social norms in this area. I'm not big on monogamy, despite a number of years of being in such a relationship. Aside from the obvious (pregnancy and disease), I really have few issues with casual sex. What I don't like are braggarts, male or female, or who use their intimate physical knowledge of another person as a sort of weapon against them. Aside from that, I really don't see the big deal when it comes to casual sex. I'm a huge fan of it. There are people I've slept with that I've never seen again, and some that I run into on a regular basis. Neither situation causes me the least discomfort, and I remember every encounter with a certain amount of fondness.

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?

Generally I’d agree with you, although casual sex isn't my thing. The only exception is if you’re in a monogamous relationship and you cheat on your partner, aside from that the only other issue that would spring to mind would be the obvious disease issues. So live and let live, just don't screw over your girlfriend or boyfriend ;) .

Don't no no me! Or I'll get all non-violently aggressive (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v711/sinuhue/bek127.gif) on you!
Which - I might say - actually intrigues me! Don't threaten me with what I might actually enjoy :p
Aha! See that, German Nightmare?? Here is someone who deserves your no no smiley! My husband is at least fine with me playing with others:) You be careful Carn...congrats and all that, but don't eat your coworkers, okay?
Yes, I saw that. And I must say - smooth, Carn, really smooth :D

*shudder*
a feminist's nightmare
How so? After all, he did employ two women, right?

(...)
Remind me for if we ever meat...we'll both need to make sure we have proper health coverage in order.
Busted: Now we definitely know what you're thinking!!!

Uh - nevermind... I'm two pages behind because I had to call my host-mom on her birthday.

So. Casual sex. Mmh. Yeah. Grrrr.

BTW, those lips on the smiley you picked give me all kinds of ideas! The ax keeps me from voicing them, though.

I believe Jesus says that it's wrong. (Or so I assume. I'm not too up to date with the teachings of Jesus) no offence, but Jesus hung out with a whore.

Generally i'd agree with you, although casual sex isn't my thing. The only exception is if your in a monogamous relationship and you cheat on your partner, aside from that the only other issue that would spring to mind would be the obvious disease issues. So live and let live, just don't screw over your girlfreind or boyfreind ;) .
I agree with both you, and Dem, who both are essentially saying that honesty is a must. The worst thing you can do is to lead someone on, and allow them to believe that your casual encounter will go anywhere, if that is truly not your intention. That is true whether you are involved with someone else or not. Also, I haven't necessarily been talking about casual sex with others outside the bounds of a current relationship. That's a whole other issue, and involves a lot of trust and openness to work. Well worth it though:)

BTW, those lips on the smiley you picked give me all kinds of ideas! The ax keeps me from voicing them, though.
Don't worry. I'm reading your mind. A dirty, dirty read it is!

Don't worry. I'm reading your mind. A dirty, dirty read it is!
Oh come on, puh-lease - as if you didn't like what you read ;)

Oh come on, puh-lease - as if you didn't like what you read ;)
I never said I didn't like it. Dirty minds are always fun reading!

How so? After all, he did employ two women, right?

Not that, but the reason he hired them. It's no show of equality.

Not that, but the reason he hired them. It's no show of equality.
Exactly.

Oh, now I get it: He should've hired another two hotties so each of the guys could be kept from work.
Right? Right?!?

Oh, now I get it: He should've hired another two hotties so each of the guys could be kept from work.
Right? Right?!?
What? I think he should have hired people with regard to their qualifications and not their gender.

Anyway, I say we get back to talking sex.

Anyway, I say we get back to talking sex.
I second the motion.

So, uh, let's talk sex.

I haven't had any in quite some time :(

I'm not one for unattached casual sex, however I don't really care if people choose to do it.

Like Jello said, I only get defensive or angry when those who do have tons of casual sex begin insulting me because I choose not to.

I'm not one for unattached casual sex, however I don't really care if people choose to do it.

Like Jello said, I only get defensive or angry when those who do have tons of casual sex begin insulting me because I choose not to.
If only it were a choice!

If only it were a choice!
How is it not a choice?

You'd have better luck if you were willing to whisper "SMASH THE STATE" into my ear...

*chuckles*

As an ex-commie transplant from the former USSR, I'll be happy to whisper "Down with Castro" into your ear. But then again, if you never lived under that regime, you wouldn't know it.

As for your stance on casual sex, I do agree. I had a partner for a while that was casual (which to me means someone I had no intention of marrying), and I ended up being the best man at her wedding. So there is nothing wrong with casuals ex, when two or more responsible adults engage in it. That, however, is damn rare.

Which law school are you going to attend? I'm in my second year right now.:)

How is it not a choice?
Well, easy: I chose to have sex and noone agreed :D

Well, easy: I chose to have sex and noone agreed :D
No-one? You mustn't have looked very far.

No-one? You mustn't have looked very far.

Heh, I read this as "You mustn't have looked very fair". That could be the case, actually...

>.>

What? I think he should have hired people with regard to their qualifications and not their gender.

Anyway, I say we get back to talking sex.


For the record- I do take my job seriously. The people I hired are all qualified for their positions- I ruled out the ones that werent by their resumes/applications . So I didnt waste time weeding people out. I started with the ones that had the experience I needed and then interviewed them in person.
In all fairness, considering I may run the office, I wanted to take advantage of being able to personally choose the right ones for the job,to run everything smoothly and make me look good. It will help me a great deal when bonus time comes around too.
I'm very professional when it comes to the work place these days. I'll also be dealing with clients in person.

No-one? You mustn't have looked very far.
Well, it actually is a little more complicated than that. Let's just say that I've had a serious case of posttraumatic stress stuff (forgot the name) and a severe case of depression that kept me from going out. "Oh, the angst..."
I don't go out, I don't meet many girls and that definitely limits my chances...
And while I might not object to casual sex - I'm actually looking for a relationship. Meh. There you have it. Life still sucks but not as bad anymore.
I can actually get a good chuckle out of it after I've completed my therapy 'bout 3 months ago. :p

Heh, I read this as "You mustn't have looked very fair". That could be the case, actually...
>.>
Hey! http://www.studip.uni-goettingen.de/pictures/smile/mad.gif

Sinuhue, you are a woman after my heart.

I admire women who come out and say they enjoy sex. A lot of women are so prissy about it. I know one girl who has a hearty appetite where men are concerned as well as being a kind and considerate person. Behind her back her female 'friends' call her a slut. None of her male friends call her this.

I think that, even though women are a little more liberated than they were half a century ago, they still have a long way to go before they become sexually emancipated. A lot of women are too scared to say they enjoy sex and would much rather play silly games and condemn other women who are more open and honest about it.

Another female friend of mine prides herself on the fact that she is still a virgin. She's 27 and still waiting for Mr. Right to come along and thinks that other women who have sex before marriage our dirty sluts. I admire her perseverence in staying 'pure', but a small part of me can't help but wonder why is she torturing herself this way.

I also know a lot of older women who felt that they had to be 'well-behaved' when they were younger, and almost all of them regret not having been a little more daring when they were better-looking and more capable of picking up a partner for casual sex.

Watching a show last night where a girl was labeled 'slut' because she dared to indicate that she enjoyed sex, I reflected on this perception a bit. Examining my attitudes towards sex, I have realised that I've never felt particularly constrained by social norms in this area. I'm not big on monogamy, despite a number of years of being in such a relationship. Aside from the obvious (pregnancy and disease), I really have few issues with casual sex. What I don't like are braggarts, male or female, or who use their intimate physical knowledge of another person as a sort of weapon against them. Aside from that, I really don't see the big deal when it comes to casual sex. I'm a huge fan of it. There are people I've slept with that I've never seen again, and some that I run into on a regular basis. Neither situation causes me the least discomfort, and I remember every encounter with a certain amount of fondness.

Some people get really up in arms against casual sex. If it's not your thing, that's fine. But what I really find distasteful is that these same people are often the ones creating the negativity around the actions of others...labeling those who enjoy, seek out, and engage in casual sex...or even those who within a socially acceptable monogamous relationship seek out EXCELLENT sex. So I wonder. What is so horrible about other people enjoying themselves, that those who have such issues with sex, or casual sex, need to regard them in such a hostile manner?


And this is exactly why I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove having Sinuhue around, just wishing she lived closer.... ((evil grin))

Another female friend of mine prides herself on the fact that she is still a virgin. She's 27 and still waiting for Mr. Right to come along and thinks that other women who have sex before marriage our dirty sluts. I admire her perseverence in staying 'pure', but a small part of me can't help but wonder why is she torturing herself this way.

That makes me kinda sad. :(

-snip-
Original Post.
-snip-It is very rare that I encounter another person with such reasonable attitudes towards sex, and I would like to say that I really admire you for this, Sinuhue.
As far as I'm concerned, safe, mutually respectful sex between two consenting adults is never a bad thing. It has come up in conversation a few times over the past several months with friends of mine; the number of partners that it is reasonable to have had... And some people are horrifyied by this, but my answer: An infinite number of people with whom you had safe and enjoyable sex.

You may think I'm a slut, you may think I'm a whore, but I respect myself, and I treat others with respect, and I demand the same.

I think that, even though women are a little more liberated than they were half a century ago, they still have a long way to go before they become sexually emancipated. A lot of women are too scared to say they enjoy sex and would much rather play silly games and condemn other women who are more open and honest about it.I never realized the kind of games that other women were playing as a matter of course until I tried to date them. Bad idea, that.
Men are not perfect, to be sure, and I've run into my share of assholes, but women mess around like you wouldn't believe! Well, I guess you all would believe, seeing as how the vast majority of you have either dated women like this or are women like this...

The only problems I would have with casual sex are the usual I guess - avoiding unwanted pregnancy, protection against STDs, being able to handle the emotional baggage that might come up, and, of course, the vocal negative attitudes of others. If you have a handle on all this and aren't inclined to do harm to your partners, then what's the problem?